Alena Grischuk
Traditions and culture of the Christian family, in the moral education of children
TRADITIONS AND CULTURE OF THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY, V CHILDREN'S MORALITY.
"V education there is a great secret
improvement of human nature ”.
German philosopher E. Kant
A person is not born perfect, but his nature requires it, and the task of a person's entire life is to strive for something more perfect and beautiful.
Correct upbringing prevents the accumulation of negative experience by the child, prevents the development of undesirable skills and behavioral habits, which can adversely affect the formation of his moral qualities.
Moral Is the ability and desire of a person to live according to moral norms, rules, principles. Moral qualities are not inherited, they must bring up.
V education plays a huge role a family... And in most cases, it becomes the most valuable gift of fate for each of us.
Family begins with marriage... According to the word of St. John Chrysostom, marriage became for Christian"The mystery of love", in which the spouses, their children and the Lord Himself participate. The fulfillment of this mysterious union of love is possible only in the spirit Christian faith, in the exploit of voluntary and sacrificial service to each other.
Family in Christian Understanding is the home Church, it is a single organism, whose members live and build their relationships on the basis of the law of love.
What a concept « a family» has and moral, and the spiritual nature is confirmed by religious-philosophical and theological studies.
Special role families -"Home church" v Christian culture- consists in the performance of the primordial function - spiritual moral education of children.
Children perceived not as an accidental acquisition, but as a gift from God, which parents are called to protect and "Multiply", promoting the disclosure of all the forces and talents of the child, leading him to a virtuous Christian life.
The birth of a child is true happiness for every parent. For believers, the birth of a new member families certainly associated with such church rites, how:
Baptism;
Confirmation;
Communion;
Churching.
When a baby is born, he immediately becomes involved in religion and culture, and this gives him the opportunity to feel himself no less significant part of society than those around him. They begin to instill faith and love for God from the cradle, but not by strict orders, but in the form of play and narration. Children up to a year are not fenced off from family traditions of worship: on the contrary, parents read prayers aloud to kids, talk about church holidays, show icons.
Childhood is the time of development of all human forces, both mental and physical, the time of acquiring knowledge about the world around, the time of formation moral skills and habits. In the preschool period, there is an active accumulation moral experience, and turning to spiritual life also begins in preschool age with moral self-determination and the formation of self-awareness. Systematic spiritual moral education a child from the first years of life ensures his adequate social development and harmonious personality formation.
The main means of spiritual moral development of the child's personality is his mastery of Orthodox spiritual moral values... Its introduction into the Orthodox cultural tradition naturally passes through reproduction the annual cycle of holidays, work, games, the use of specially selected folk tales and small folklore forms (proverbs, sayings, nursery rhymes, through acquaintance children with musical and pictorial works on gospel subjects.
Orthodox parenting practiced in many families where there are believing parents. Raising a child's good disposition, the development of his ability to virtuous life has always been determined by the way of life of the mother and father, by the extent to which the parents themselves could show him a good example. Without example and guidance in goodness, the child loses the ability to form as a person.
At preschool age, children are ready to accept God as the Creator of our world in which we live. Children admire the beauty of flowers, trees, all nature, enjoy the breeze, the sun, the rainbow. Consider patterned snowflakes in winter. At the age of 5-6, they understand as obvious that God is the Creator of the world - our common home and feel Love for God's world. Both processes of knowledge and love contribute to the formation of children's awareness of the appropriateness of the organization of the whole world and all God's creatures. The thirst for spiritual knowledge is inherent in a person from the very beginning, and every year this thirst intensifies, it is already perceived by the child and is very acute due to the bright emotional perception and experiences of life contradictions.
At any family with healthy family relationships, parents strive to give their children the best that is available to them. This applies to material goods and necessary things, as well as moral principles and life principles. It is important for parents that the child is well and warmly dressed, fed, received a good education, and subsequently a decent job, would find family happiness. This is what ordinary parents want, with no strict faith. Parents- Christians want the same for their children, but not primarily, but as an addition. The main purpose of their education is so that in the soul of a child "Appeared Christ» so that the child will gain unshakable faith in the Church and live according to her canons.
Modern life has many temptations, is full of customs, unusual Christianity... Therefore, the parent- Christian must help the child fight these temptations and teach him to live in parallel with them, going his own way, the path of faith.
There is not a single nation in the world that does not have its own traditions and customs passing on their experience, knowledge and achievements to new generations.
Family traditions are family norms, demeanors, customs and attitudes that are passed down from generation to generation. They distribute roles in the spheres of family life, establish rules for intra-family communication, including ways to resolve conflicts and overcome problems that arise.
Traditions of moral education are familiar to every Christian... They have evolved over the centuries and still form the basis Christian life.
Faith and piety are the foundation moral education of children.
Moral education:
Responsiveness (compassion, empathy)
Rules of behavior "Do not harm anyone"
Conscience, responsibility (a person's ability to self-control, self-esteem based on social moral assessments).
Conditions moral education:
Atmosphere of love
Atmosphere of sincerity
Reasonable punishment
Positive example of adults
Only with the child's confidence in parental love, creation in family atmosphere of sincerity, with reasonable punishment it is possible education of moral behavior.
Many traditions are observed in our country and in those families, in which it is not customary to pray every day and visit the Church on Sundays.
But people are going family for Easter, bake cakes, celebrate Christmas Christ's, many observe Great Lent. Of course life christian is not limited only to these actions and assumes compliance with certain traditions every day.
Children receive the first lessons of kindness and love in their own home, in a circle families, during such traditions as a meal... In many families follow this tradition, make up lack of communication between members families and this is a kind of symbol of nepotism. From childhood, children are informed that a wife is obedient to her husband, she keeps family peace, warmth and love. Father is the head families, obedient to the Heavenly Father. Father is responsible for family before God... And children grow up in obedience to their parents. Respectfully and joyfully doing their will
V Christian families are taught to that a reasonable person should be afraid to grieve God - the Heavenly Father with a bad deed. This is called the fear of God. Christians Teach Their Children that, following the example of a merciful God, they should do good, give alms without delay, forgive, be humble, sympathize, love people and even their enemies, try to serve people, and thank God for everything.
Old tradition is the reading of morning and evening prayers throughout family... The head of the family reads loudly, all the household repeat after him quietly. This traditions it is important to adhere to modern times. If you can't get everyone together twice a day, then you can do it once, for example, before going to bed. Growing up children with their parents need to attend night services when it is necessary. For example, on Easter, on Holy Week, before Christmas Christoff... It is necessary to teach a child to observe fasting from a very early age. But it is impossible not to allow one to not eat certain food by prohibitions, it is important that the child himself learns to refuse it. From an early age, spiritual literature is read with children. At first, these may be children's books on biblical topics, presented in understandable language, possibly with pictures. Thus, I convey to the children the image of kindness and responsiveness.
In our city to support such traditions, at the Holy Trinity Cathedral, a Sunday school is open for everyone. In this school, children learn the Law of God, the basics Christian doctrine, Bible story. Also in this school, the clergy conduct conversations for adults dedicated to clarifying the truths of the Orthodox faith, the history of the church, and worship. The knowledge gained in these conversations is passed on by parents to their children.
The most important thing is that all this is done with genuine sincerity and warmth, since family traditions play an important role in shaping moral qualities, all moral and aesthetic culture of a person... Their support and development is carried out mainly through collective participation in events of national importance and the organization of leisure, both in family, and outside of it.
Summing up, we can safely say that in traditions of Christian culture the main place is a family.
A family- this is the first instance on the path of the child to life. She gives to children cultural and moral values through the example of adults, instilling responsiveness, kindness, responsibility and rules of behavior in society.
V family must be preserved and transmitted spiritually moral traditions created by ancestors, and what exactly the parents are responsible for parenting.
If children distinguish good from bad, are able to resist temptations, evil and violence, respect their elders, love their parents and loved ones, then this is a positive result. education.
Follow traditions and teach it to your children are good but true Christian must not just blindly do what is prescribed, but must and understand the essence.
Bibliography.
1. Gladkikh L. P. Foundations of the Orthodox culture: Sci. - method. manual for kindergarten teachers. - Kursk, 2008.
2. Kirkos R. Yu Orthodox parenting preschool age. Saint Petersburg: Satis - Derzhavi, 2005.
3. Kulomzina S. Our Church and our children. Christian education people in the modern world. - M., 2008 Program optional course // Laboratory of the Russian school // Kursk. KSPU, 1997
4. Shishova T. P. How educate obedience in a child? - M., 2010
5. Yudin A.B. Russkaya traditional folk spirituality... - M., 1994
6. Internet sources.
In the St. Petersburg studio of the Soyuz TV channel, the Dean of the Psychology Department of the Russian Orthodox University, Priest Pyotr Kolomeitsev, answers questions from viewers.
- Christ is Risen, dear brothers and sisters, dear viewers. The topic of our today's program is "Orthodox education of a teenager."
Our guest is Father Pyotr Kolomeitsev, a Christian psychologist in the field of special psychology, dean of the psychological faculty of the Moscow Orthodox Institute named after Apostle John the Theologian, confessor of rehabilitation centers for seriously ill children and orphans, cleric of the Church of Saints Cosma and Damian in Moscow.
Father Peter, thank you for the fact that, despite a very busy day, you were able to come to us in the evening. Bless our conversation.
- Christ is Risen!
- Our topic is devoted to the Orthodox upbringing of a teenager, that is, the period when the child is no longer small, he graduated from elementary school, he is, rather, closer to high school students. When raising a child of this age, parents face a number of problems. Preparing for today's program, I read a forum where parents write about these problems, and I got the feeling that the main problem of an Orthodox family where there is a teenager is that the child no longer wants to go to church. In your opinion, is the reluctance to go to church really a problem, and the biggest one?
- In general, there are actually more problems. This is only an external expression of the problem. There is a well-known saying that every person has three stages in life. One - when he believed in Santa Claus, the other - when he did not believe in him, and the third - when he himself became Santa Claus.
In fact, the adolescent inevitably leaves his childhood faith, with the form in which she put on, with those ideas, and he has not yet formed an adult faith. Archpriest Vasily Zenkovsky writes that there is even a period of "spontaneous adolescent atheism." And this must be treated very carefully, because it is impossible to return a child back to the mother's womb, it is impossible to return to childhood, it is necessary to work with changes in his ideas about the world. These ideas must somehow change, and faith must deepen.
In the class where my daughter studied and where I taught the Law of God, there was such a case. One boy said, “I don’t believe in God,” and the school was Orthodox oriented. And I asked him:
- Which one?
- What do you mean what?
- What is He, Your God, in Whom you do not believe?
And the boy began to tell that this god is such and such. To which I replied:
- Well, you and I are like-minded people. I don’t believe in such a god either, ”and held out my hand to him.
He says:
- What god do you believe in?
- This is what we will do in the lessons and try to talk about what God really is.
First, this very important restructuring is taking place. Secondly, the child begins to gradually develop his independence, because the transitional age is a very important period, the period of a kind of second birth. When the child comes out of the mother's womb, the umbilical cord comes off, he is still emotionally and mentally very attached to his parents, almost shouts: "Mom!" It is clear that he cannot live for a long time in such a state, otherwise he will not become an independent person, he will not create his own family.
And now there is this separation from the parents, and new relationships to parents are formed, relationships that are already based on respect, on the recognition of the authority of the parents, on a sense of the value of what they broadcast, that is, involvement in some roots, history, family. It is very important. Because sometimes parents try to return the child to the mother's womb, as it were. It's impossible. One must understand that the child must be given grounds for authority, he must be earned, he must be told how he is connected through his parents with his clan, tribe, Fatherland, etc. That is, a completely different unity is being formed. And sometimes it seems to parents: why, the child used to shout "mom, dad", but now no, it means that he has stopped loving. No, we must be glad that another, more conscious period in his life is coming.
As for spontaneous atheism, as the same Archpriest Vasily Zenkovsky says, it is very important that parents not so much preach and talk about faith, but testify with their lives. It is very important how exactly this faith is implemented in their lives: how they live, act, think in accordance with their faith. There are really very serious questions here. Because children, especially adolescents, are very sensitive to falsity. And if parents say one thing, but do something completely different, if faith for them turns out to be something external, front, then this is the worst thing that they can demonstrate to their child. Because a teenager must understand that faith is what is the core, the support in his life.
- Before the program came a question from one of the priests, to whom the teenager tells in confession what he feels: in the church his parents pray, get baptized, receive communion, and at home, where other Orthodox Christians do not see them, behave in a completely different way. He feels this contradiction and is terrified of what is happening. Can I give a piece of advice to my father?
- Here we must speak seriously. First, you shouldn't say: "Yes, your parents are Pharisees" or, on the contrary: "No, you don't understand anything, you slander them." Answers like this won't help.
You can say this: “You feel good: you live in an environment where faith is not prohibited, churches are open, where you will not be kicked out of your job for confessing your faith, you will not be expelled from the institute, where you will not be imprisoned for religious activity. Therefore, such conditions have now been created when faith is not shared with your life. But there was also another time in which your parents lived and were brought up, when open confession of their faith could cost many a career, etc.
Therefore, the habit has subconsciously established itself that there are very small spaces where you can exercise your faith. And, most likely, the parents were brought up at that time, and we can say that they still do not have enough strength to remain in this state all the time. For them, coming to church is a holiday where they can not worry, exercise their faith and feel simple and free. But at work and even in everyday life this is not yet the case. And in this sense it is easier for you: you live in a different time. "
- It turns out that he needs to find the strength to continue to love his parents and, as in the Old Testament story of Noah, to cover up the parent.
- It is clear that we treat parents without criticism, like the weather, that is, we try to understand them. And above all, we must understand that the parents grew up at a different time. I remember that my mother was very worried that I was fasting, that at the institute they would see that I was fasting. Now she freely goes to church, and she has no such thoughts, but then, as she says, she trembled every day: what will happen, and if they are expelled from the institute, etc. Because she was accustomed to, shall we say, conspiracy and believed that I neglected conspiracy and often open up, speak freely. And she was afraid: you’ll come to an agreement somewhere.
- Looking through social networks and what teenagers talk about, I got the impression that now are the times when it is not very fashionable for a teenager, high school student or first-year student to be Orthodox among their peers. If you are an Orthodox Christian, go to church, you may even be ridiculed. In a sense, times repeat themselves. How can a young person maintain faith in a negative environment?
- By the way, this test by public opinion in an era when nothing is prohibited can be even more difficult. Because in times of persecution, people might not have shared your views, but they respected them. For example, a person adhering to religious views - Christian, Jew, Muslim - aroused respect, because this person went against society, contrary to the system. In this sense, he even received inner respect, which could well be perceived as support for such a position.
Of course, the most serious test of faith comes in an era when everything is permitted. And we see that many do not stand this test of freedom. They also do not stand it in Europe, in those countries where faith has never been forbidden and there has never been persecution for faith. The former socialist countries of Eastern (or Central) Europe and the former Soviet Union also come to this. This is the time when faith directly collides with the spirit of this age. That is, it is a test that goes against the atheism and anticlericalism that the enemy of the human race sows.
Of course, other mechanisms are also at work there. Any person who opposes himself to the Church most often does this because he does not want to work on himself, on changing himself: to repent, to fast, does not want any spiritual work. And the best excuse is the same as that of Satan: and everyone is like that, people are doing nonsense. I’m not bad in something, I don’t need to repent and improve, no, I’m all right: everyone lives like this, and I live like that. It's just that people are doing nonsense, and I find it funny that they do it. This is what Christ meant in his time when he said: "You will be persecuted." Because if everyone lives like this, and suddenly one righteous person who does not live like this, he will already irritate everyone. What about everything if one is already gone? And the irritation will be very strong. Therefore, Christ says that he brought love, but he did not bring peace, but, it turns out, a sword that divides even relatives. Precisely because sin will never agree that holiness is the norm.
Therefore, you need to tell a teenager that being yourself, not being like everyone else - this also takes courage. And that this, perhaps, is no less serious confession. When the general attitude is negative, not judging others, nevertheless keep your own. And here you must not doubt, but still believe and trust, trust yourself and the voice that is in you. And to follow the lead of everyone and to be like everyone else does not require much courage, this is just the easiest way. Therefore, it is necessary to prepare for the fact that it is difficult, not easy, condemnable, and someone, perhaps, will even turn away. At the same time, do not fall into condemnation of other people, some kind of demonstration of your faith, proud opposition of yourself. That is, this path is not easy and very subtle.
- Is a person responsible for the fact that his behavior turns someone away from the Church and God?
- The Lord said that the one who seduces one of these little ones, it would be better to hang a millstone around his neck and drown himself. After all, this is treacherous - it breaks the faith of other people. When people tempt others with their behavior, especially if they belong to the Church, and especially if they belong to the clergy, then condemnation because of your ugly deeds goes to the whole Church. The Apostle Paul once said that for him the sacrificed to idols is nothing, because an idol is nothing. And nevertheless he said that it would never be better to eat any meat at all, so as not to tempt someone. This is so important and serious. And, of course, all churchgoers and especially clergymen especially feel this attentive, intent gaze and condemnation.
But those who want to find fault, want to condemn, and will condemn, here you will not please them. And if we are talking about a person who is just looking for his own path, here, of course, it is very important that there is sincerity. So that a person can see that Christians can not only make mistakes, but that they can repent, ask for forgiveness, that they can worry that something is not working out for them, and that this is the normal way of a Christian - to get up and fall, to fall and get up.
- If a young man understands that in the Church, in the temple, the priest does not behave the way he expected it, how can he overcome this temptation?
- I really liked how one priest answered, to whom residents from a neighboring village came:
“Why did you come to me to baptize your child? You have your own temple, your own father. " - "Well, father, you know about this temple and this father what everyone knows about him?" - “And what are you doing? How many sins he forgives you, can't you pray for him? Come to him and take his blessing every week in the evening to gather in the temple and pray in the Akathist to the Inexhaustible Chalice for his health. "
Then I asked how the story ended. The people went and took the blessing from the priest. At first, he simply gave them the key, they came and read the akathist. Then he began to come in to watch them read the akathist about him. And then he was sincerely grateful to them for the fact that they prayed for him.
In this case, people felt that the priest was responsible for them, but they never pray for him. Have you ever remembered for your morning or evening prayer your, one might say, spiritual mentor? Yes, never. They left him to his fate. So this is a real case.
- By the way, it allows us to look at some of our problems from a different angle. The transmission time flies by, more than half of our conversation has already passed. Can you ask to conduct an educational program for parents whose child is already a teenager, a future student, and say what they shouldn't do? Let's say there are five things you can't do with your teenager if we want to keep them mentally healthy.
- Firstly, one cannot but respect a teenager, show disrespect, disregard, arrogance towards him: who are you? yes you are nobody. It is impossible not to listen to his opinion, not to respect him, not to try to somehow agree. You cannot lead an ambiguous life, that is, say one thing, but in fact broadcast another - this is really disorienting. You can't humiliate.
It seems to me that it is very important not to identify a teenager with those bad situations in which he finds himself. That is, you cannot label him: you are a bad person, you are a scoundrel, you do bad deeds. And, for example, to say this: you get bad deeds, you have not yet been able to overcome some things, but you will overcome it. You cannot undermine the adolescent's faith in his original righteousness, because he was created in the image and likeness of God, and consider that everything is intended by God as good, and he is bad.
You cannot undermine faith in the love of God when parents constantly say: God will punish you, etc. God loves you: He crucified for you, He gave his life for you - this is the most important thing. And most of all, God wants you to be happy, wants you to be saved, so that you realize the gifts that He gave you, so that bad things do not happen to you. It seems to me that this is the most important thing.
- If, nevertheless, situations occur when contact with a daughter or son is broken, who, for example, went to enter another city and behaves there completely differently from how he was brought up all these years. How can parents find strength?
Remember that sometimes a person has their own special path. One mother prayed for thirty years for her son, who led a sinful life, who had an extramarital relationship. In the end, she begged him somehow. He wrote the book "Confession", he became a saint - this is Blessed Augustine. And she was numbered among the saints because she never stopped praying for him. Her example is also very revealing.
The most important thing is that the child knows that in any situation, no matter what happens to him, parental love and the love of God are irrevocable, they are with him. And even when he finds himself in a completely bad situation, his parents still stay with him and continue to love him. And God continues to love him. And yet they believe in him.
- You need to believe to the last in your child.
- And also to love, and to love without conditions. And it happens: I love you, if you do this, and if this, then I do not love you. There is such a very strange question: "Why should I love you?" So they love not for nothing, but love in spite of everything. And why should the Lord love us? Yes, it seems to be especially and not for that. But He loves.
- People are also worried about the question of punishments: what other measures of influence can be, besides talking?
- Interestingly, the very word "punishment" means "learning." At the beginning of the school year, we pray "for the good punishment of the youths." Not about being punished well, but about learning good things. That is, punishment is, first of all, learning. Therefore, it seems to me, there should be some conclusion in the punishment - how then not to get into such a situation, how to get out of it with dignity. This is the first thing.
Second, it seems to me that the main thing is not punishment, but help. The situation is ugly, but the parents are still ready to help the child and unravel even the complex, tangled knots of life.
- It turns out that punishments in the Soviet sense of the word - belt, angle - are unacceptable?
- There was an absolutely wonderful person whom his parents brought up very strictly: they put peas under the icons in a corner, applied methods of bodily influence to him. The man grew up really very good, he was an extremely intelligent and highly moral person. Yes, he knew the entire Book of Hours by heart, he could read the Six Psalms in the temple without a book. He had a very good attitude to faith, but he chose a detached path for himself and did not even receive communion on his deathbed. This is Anton Pavlovich Chekhov.
Although, when we read his stories, for example, the story "Student", we see what a deep relationship he has to faith. On his estate, he repaired the church at his own expense. He retained some of his own internal relations with God, but the external churchliness was poisoned by the upbringing that he received in childhood. It was one big trauma for him.
- How can a parent understand that he is not raising, but injuring the child?
- I remember once one priest, who had many children, shouted something very loudly at one of his children, and mother from the kitchen shouted to him: "Father is name, your children will be atheists!"
And it somehow made him think.
How does the Lord act in the gospel? Does He stamp His feet, or does He throw a stone at the sinner who was brought to Him? We see that the Lord is extremely delicate, He is very careful. Of course, he shouts at the Pharisees, at the money changers in the temple. It happens that He raises his voice to those who consider themselves to be servants of the temple, but turns it into a den of robbers.
The Lord says: "Woe to you, Pharisees," but "woe to you, sinners, woe to you, fornicators," etc. never speaks. He says that he did not come to the righteous, but to sinners, as a doctor to the sick.
- That is, parents should always hope for the mercy of God that in the matter of growing up the Lord will not leave a person?
- Yes, and always feel that you can either help, or, conversely, hinder, turn away.
- A question from an adult woman, whose son, unfortunately, died of drug addiction, and she feels guilty before her already deceased son that she could not protect him. What should parents do?
- Of course, I must say that sometimes responsibility presupposes not only our desire for good, but still some knowledge. Today Christian psychology gives us a lot, including in working with addictions, and in many other situations. Nicaea Publishing House publishes wonderful books, for example, "The Soul of Your Teenager", "Independence" – about how to live free from addiction, and many other valuable books that give us knowledge of how to work with this or that ailment and how to avoid certain mistakes, that is, where all this comes from.
Therefore, it seems to me that responsibility also implies some kind of competence. We are not saying that a person who knows nothing about faith will go and be a catechist, but we believe that first he must learn something, take some courses and then catechize. And these questions are vitally important, and here, more than anywhere else, it is important to be competent.
- If on the issues of addictions, then very good books were published by Valentina Dmitrievna Moskalenko: "Return to life" and "When there is too much love." Book of Peter Dmitrievsky "The path to non-dependence". The book "There is a Way Out", dedicated to the difficult problem when a child can get confused in his gender identity. There are many good books out there. It seems to me that the Nicaea Publishing House selects authors very well, and in these books really the most pressing issues are sanctified.
In general, I must say, it is very difficult with books on psychology. This is such a wave that if you come to a bookstore, there will be just an abyss of books on psychology, an abyss of psychological schools, directions, even those that confront each other. Therefore, of course, the head is spinning. But it seems to me that in this sense, Christian psychologists successfully combine both faith and a definite, undefined moral position and, in addition, combine this with a scientific view and all the positive that scientific psychology has accumulated.
- That is, we can tell the audience that the general direction is the search for your books and books of the Nikaia publishing house, which raise various complex issues and which are written by Orthodox psychologists. This is important because the broadcast time is limited, and when the topic is interesting, people continue to be interested and ask questions.
And specific questions. What if the parents feel that the child has a computer addiction?
- This is a serious problem and, I must say, largely underestimated. There is footage of a child who was deprived of a computer. His eyes are simply burning, his hands are shaking, a complete feeling that this is a drug addict during withdrawal, that is, it is indeed a very strong addiction. The dad of one girl, so that she prepared for the exam and admission to the university, took the system unit and the monitor from the room, after a while he heard her scream, she stood on the balcony railing and said that she was counting to five. If the system unit and monitor are not returned to her, she will jump down from the tenth floor.
That is, this dependence turns out to be so strong that it is very difficult to get rid of it. And here, firstly, it is necessary to prevent the formation of this dependence, and if it is already formed, then, as always, work with dependencies is built, it is necessary to supplant it with something positive. You can't just pick it up and that's it. The seven worst demons come to a clean, swept place. It is necessary to give a strategy in life that would supplant this addiction and somehow help a person to stay afloat.
It is clear that it is impossible to bring to such a state when the child completely loses contact with the parents. He should feel respect for himself as a person, love for himself as a person and a willingness to help him, that he does not remain alone in any case, and parents are people who are for him in any situation. Then there will be no desire to completely go into this virtual world. Because computer addiction is such a complex enemy: it creates its own, parallel, life, and its own, parallel, communication, in general, as it were, everything of its own. It turns out that a person simply does not need the real world. And for this you need to help him cope with the problems that exist in this real world. Help to find friends-helpers in this real world, so as not to go into the virtual world.
- This is a universal advice not only for preventing computer addiction, but in general for raising a happy child.
Unfortunately, we have just over a minute left. Maybe on these Easter days you will give a short parting word to your parents?
- The best parting word that John the Theologian always repeated: love one another. You really need to love and respect your children very much. If there is love, then everything else will work out. Because in deeds of love there is no law, there are no rules. And what we do and that, and that means that we love. We love, which means that we will do everything else right. Therefore, I want to thank all viewers and congratulate them on these Easter days. Christ is Risen!
- Truly he is risen! Father Peter, thank you for the conversation. And the final moment for our viewers: if you are interested in the topic of teenage upbringing, look for the books of Father Peter Kolomeitsev, books of the Nikaia publishing house, where you can read about how to establish relationships with your children.
Host Anton Pepeliaev
RAISING CHILDREN IN AN ORTHODOX FAMILY
With the birth of a child in a family, a complex mechanism of the genus was connected to his upbringing. Communication in the family, as well as with close relatives, has always carried a spiritual and psychological load. Any nuances in the relations of parents with each other, with relatives are sensitively captured by children both on the conscious and unconscious levels. Openness or isolation, sincerity or pretense, sympathy or indifference, generosity or stinginess, benevolence or coldness - everything falls on the scales of children's perception, is stored in memory in various emotional shades, influencing the formation of the child's personality. Every person has a grateful memory of childhood impressions of communication with grandparents. The world of a child is unthinkable without lullabies, fairy tales, instructive stories. Grandparents told their grandchildren about their young years, games, service or work, meetings and communication with interesting people, shared life experiences, while they remembered their parents, grandmothers and grandfathers. This reverence for the blessed memory of the ancestors preserved the feeling of their presence in the family. And the house itself, furniture, things bought by them or made by their hands, supported this atmosphere, created a kind of moral nourishment. Thus, three, sometimes four generations took part in live communication, which were connected by living memory with two more generations who passed away from this world. All these seven generations constituted a kind of root that goes into the depths of the genus.
The spatial position of the roots of the genus in the person of more or less close relatives (uncles, aunts, nephews, cousins, second cousins, brother-in-law, brother-in-law, etc.) gave stability to the genus, covering both a vast geography of residence and various steps of the social ladder ...
Baptism of a child
The path of every Christian to the Kingdom of God begins with the Sacrament of Baptism. Faith and repentance are required to be baptized. The Orthodox Church teaches that faith in the sacrament and the associated sincere desire to accept it are necessary conditions for the operation of the sacrament to be salvific: “Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved; but whoever does not believe will be condemned ”(Mark 16:16).
Protecting your child from problems and hardships is the most important thing for parents. An infant, according to the tradition of the Church, should be baptized on the eighth or fortieth day of life. It is clear that at such an age it is impossible to demand from him faith and repentance - the two main conditions for union with God. Therefore, since ancient times, godparents have appeared - people according to whose faith babies are baptized. The task of the godparents, as the Church sees it, is to help parents in the Orthodox upbringing of their godchildren. Being a godmother is both honorable and responsible.
“Godheads must be baptized, churched Orthodox Christians, must know prayers, read the Gospel. The main thing is that the criterion for choosing a godfather or godmother is whether he will subsequently be able to help the family in the Christian upbringing of the child. And, of course, an important criterion should be the degree of acquaintance and just the affection of the relationship. " (2, p. 3).
The godmother and father, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the child, so they must be Orthodox people. Of course, a person should become a godparent who also has some experience of church life and will help parents raise a baby in faith, piety and purity. Godparents are obliged to pray for their godchildren, so that the Lord would keep them on the path of piety. The main thing in which the godfather can and should help, and in what he undertakes an obligation, is not only to be present at Baptism, but also then to help the godson grow, strengthen in church life, and in no case limit your Christianity is only by Baptism. According to the teachings of the Church, for the way the godparents took care of the fulfillment of these duties, they will be asked on the day of the last judgment as well as for the upbringing of their own children. In the families of the Russian North, the godmother was called "godmother" (a mother given from God at baptism).
So, godparents took responsibility for the moral formation of godchildren, helping them in difficult life situations. Relatives were more often chosen as godparents, thereby further strengthening the family ties. But the closest friends, respected neighbors also became godparents, thereby expanding the boundaries of the clan.
Thus, the entire system of kinship relations convincingly testifies that the essence of genus prolongation is evolutionarily aimed at creating conditions for the disclosure of those best qualities and properties of a person that are from birth inherent in his nature, at the development of creativity of the mind and soul.
Religious and labor education
The basis for the upbringing of strong Christian children is the intense spiritual inner life of parents, in which they participate in accordance with their age and characteristics of their character."The spirit of faith and piety of parents should be revered as a powerful means to preserve and educate and strengthen the grace-filled life in children."- wrote St. Theophan the Recluse.
Such involvement in spiritual life is necessary for the development of Christian knowledge and skills in children and is the key to the transformation over time of relationships between parents and children, elders and younger ones into relationships of spiritual friends. Then parents will share spiritual experience, while growing, borrowing spiritual experience and knowledge from their children.
The task of upbringing is to put the rudiments of faith in the hearts, to reveal it and prepare children for life. According to the word of Christ, “the kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21). It is not given by upbringing, It is a gift from God, but upbringing can clear the way to its acceptance. The initial stages of upbringing fall on the shoulders of the mother. She teaches the child the sign of the cross and prayer, then the role of the father begins to grow.
“In a child, the consciousness of the existence of God, of His power and love should grow, and not only an understanding of the need for prayer, but also a living need for it. For this, upbringing, an example of parents, their prayers for a child is needed. " (2, p. 4).
Religious and moral upbringing is greatly facilitated by the presence of a permanent spiritual father in children, and the children are brought up with a proper attitude towards him, corresponding to his rank and position.
Even before school, parents should teach their children about the major milestones in Sacred history, while revealing the reliability of the Bible in the light of scientific evidence: children should be able to overcome the influence of anti-Christian propaganda.
Schoolchildren should be systematically taught to study the Gospel and the Creed and familiarize them, at least in its most general form, with the meaning and content of church worship. Many send their children to Sunday schools for this purpose. These schools should primarily foster a religious sense of morality and reverence. But religious education itself is laid primarily in the family, and additional training can only help it.
In adolescence, adolescents undergo a critical rethinking of the world, there is a desire to assert their independence and independence of the individual. The main contradiction of adolescence is self-affirmation and criticism, as well as a painful desire to be understood by other people and an increased interest in their views.
Thus, the family is a kind of school of religious education. Her task is to instill faith in a child from childhood and to help children on the path of life.
Labor education is the formation of a creative principle in a person. It can manifest itself in creativity, in gardening, in cleaning, in scientific activity, in the upbringing of a personality in oneself, etc. - in all these actions, a likeness to God - the Creator is manifested. Religion ennobles every work if it is done in the name of God and love.
Orthodoxy treats work as both obedience and creativity. Obedience is necessary to combat sinfulness, and creativity is a gift for which you need to thank the Lord and feel responsible for owning him. Developing our talents, we multiply them, and not using them in work, we lose. So, children need to be taught to do useful work. Thanks to this, they will not become selfish, will need activity and strive to help others.
LITERATURE
-
« Kind children are a crown to the house,
angry children - the end of the house».
Russian folk proverb.
« Education created by the people themselves and
based on folk principles, has that
educational power, which is not in the most
best systems based on abstract
ideas or borrowed from other people».
K.D. Ushinsky
From time immemorial, the family has been a protection and refuge for a growing person, a place where, from infancy, he absorbed the foundations of his native culture, customs, and moral foundations. “Each of us materially, intellectually and spiritually reflects the entire world history, the history of our people, our era, our family.”
The family problem in the modern world is more acute than ever. One of the main reasons for the crisis in the family and upbringing is the loss of continuity with the past, the disruption of ties between generations. "It is precisely because of the loss of historical continuity that the modern family does not fulfill its original function: the transmission of spiritual, moral and cultural traditions to the younger generations, having lost the understanding of the very process of upbringing as feeding a child not only with bodily food, but also with spiritual food."
The culture of the family determines the direction of development of a person's personality. The child's moral feelings are gradually formed into his moral position. The dominant feelings and moral position constitute the moral character and subsequently determine the moral behavior of a person.
The foundations of the spiritual and moral education of a child are laid in the family. In this regard, the spiritual and moral upbringing of children in the family is possible only on condition of strengthening, moral and spiritual improvement of the family, which, in turn, is the basis for the stabilization of society and the country as a whole.
Amongspiritual and moral characteristics of the family typical for the domestic familyculture, and conducive to the spiritual and moral education of children are:
Love, sacrifice and understanding between spouses,
Maintaining a moral lifestyle based on domestic
spiritual traditions,
A common spiritual goal for family members of serving others,
society, Fatherland,
Recognition by spouses of family and children as true spiritual
values,
The desire of the spouses to strengthen the family and the desire to educate
harmoniously developed children,
Recognition of the hierarchy of family relationships, taking into account
interests, roles and places of all its members,
Mutual respect and mutual responsibility of all family members,
· joint spiritual growth of all family members.
Spiritual and moral education in a traditional Russian family has historically been based on traditional forms Orthodox family structure:
Family life in accordance with the annual cycle of traditional
holidays, common work and prayer life of the family,
Caring for small children and elderly family members,
A particularly responsible and loving attitude towards education
baby (long breastfeeding, nursing),
Use in education of oral and visual folk
creativity, folk games, joint production of toys
homemade,
Feasible participation of children in the labor activity of the family,
teaching handicrafts and crafts,
A common family meal,
Instructive family reading followed by discussion
read,
The existence of a family council with the final word of the senior
family member.
It should be emphasized that in the traditional Russian family, which is the standard of a prosperous and spiritually wealthy family, all forms of spiritual and moral education of children were based on the principles hierarchies relations and a clear distribution of responsibilities between mother and father, grandmother and grandfather, senior and junior in the family, enshrined in the social ideal of man and woman, boy and girl, adolescent and adolescent, boy and girl. Relationships in a traditional family were built on obedience and responsibility each family member, respect for elders, care for the younger.
The most important moral foundation of the family was the respectful attitude of children to their parents, which was brought up in peasant families from an early age and was strengthened by the very structure of the religious and social life of the village throughout the life of each person. The religious meaning of reverence for parents (" For God has commanded: Honor your father and mother; and: he who curses his father or mother, let him die"- Matt. 15, 4) was especially clearly manifested in the ubiquitous among Russians a special attitude towards parental blessing and parental curse.Spiritual education began with baptisms ... The overwhelming majority of the Russian people could not allow the newborn to remain unbaptized. The fully conscious recognition of the need for baptism was and still is the most important element of the mass religious consciousness of Russians.
Religious education in pious peasant families is reflected in the numerous biographies of ascetics who came from the peasants. Their contemporaries, starting to narrate the life of the ascetic, as a rule, spoke, at least briefly, about the environment in which he grew up in childhood. Most often, they relied on the stories of the ascetic himself.
Mandatory were confession and communion children, prayers of children in churches and their participation in family prayers at home - all this was the basis of mass spiritual and moral education.
An example piety for children were parents ... According to A.S. Makarenko, “the educational process is a process that constantly continues, and its individual details are resolved in the general tone of the family, and the general tone cannot be invented and artificially supported. The general tone is created by their own life and their own behavior. "
It is difficult to overestimate the importance of the family in labor education of each person. At the same time, labor education was very naturally and imperceptibly combined with the spiritual, making it a necessary, integral part.
In many games peasant children and adolescents very accurately imitated different types of works ... Sometimes such games arose from direct observation, took place alongside the actions of adults, who always encouraged such a turn in children's games. More often these were long-established games according to certain rules, well known to most of the participants. But improvisation has always complemented the rigorous scheme of the game.
There was a certain sequence of inclusion of children and adolescents in different areas of the economy. Formed over a long time, these traditions had a fairly strict age range and took into account the peculiarities of the economy of the region. Including children and adolescents in all fishing activities occurred gradually, according to age, under the supervision of adults.
It often began with games encouraged by the parents, which turned into a half-game, half-activity. The next step was to connect to the real fishery, but in a certain, easiest area - under the guidance of a senior. The process ended with independent activity, which sometimes began already in adolescence. The acquisition of skills in agricultural work, as well as in trades, went beyond the family.
Children, naturally, observed in the field, in the meadow, in the forest and on the river the labor of not only adult members of their family, but also of neighbors, fellow villagers. And not only spontaneously observed, but also received from them often directed instructions and advice. Helped the family in this regard public opinion ... Those of the adolescents who had not mastered a skill that, according to local perceptions, corresponded to their age, began to be ridiculed.
The systemic components of the traditional culture of family education, built on the priority of the spiritual and moral education of children in various activities: in work (domestic, craft, communal ), in celebrations, games and family reading, caring for the elderly and smaller family members remained the most important:
Respectful attitude towards elders (their reverence),
Treating marriage as a sacred union,
Demanding and responsibility,
Conscience and honor of every family member.
The continuity of domestic family traditions, the culture of family education, of course, can strengthen family ties and conciliarity of society generally. Priority of the highest spiritual interests and values of the family above the material brings the family in its development to a higher level of service to society, the Fatherland.
In modern Russia, it is necessary to revive practically all forms of the Orthodox family structure. Quite real family tips , the use of folk toys and games, especially those made jointly by children and adults, is favorable for the harmonious development of children. Oral and visual folk art offers great opportunities for the development of the child.
The lag in the first months and years in mental and speech development can be overcome through revival traditional parenting : compulsory breastfeeding, nurturing, the use of hums, nursery rhymes, lullabies, fairy tales.
Build relationships of trust and respect family meals and general celebrations , both intra-family and uniting several families, groups of children in a kindergarten, school, family club, church community.
Caring for loved ones is effectively manifested and formed in the course of preparing for the holidays throughout the year through the making of gifts, treats, performances, and the necessary skills for this are acquired when teaching handicrafts and crafts in the family, in joint common affairs.
The enlightenment of the Russian people at all times was determined family reading tradition , which in our time has survived in few families. At the same time, collections of books of Russian classical literature are still kept in almost every house. The restoration of interest and love for family reading can be helped by new modern forms of interfamily communication: family clubs, schools for young parents, family living rooms, which in a real natural form will solve the problem of increasing the pedagogical competence of parents when attracting specialists to the work of these family associations.
It is advisable to attract older people to family associations, to create family libraries, audio and video libraries. It is in informal associations that it is possible to introduce new family traditions and holidays in memory of the patron saints of family well-being, the Monks Cyril and Mary, the faithful Peter and Fevronia, compilation of family genealogies and photo albums with the obligatory participation of all family members.
The prudent introduction of a family tradition discussions the day lived, discussion of what was read, seen, listened to music, experienced events.
Basic principles , underlying the traditional family education, modern spiritual and moral education of children in the family:
The principle of family unity based on sacrifice and love,
Spiritual growth, striving for the highest spiritual values, realized in service to neighbors, society, fatherland, participation in charitable programs of society,
Hierarchy, clear distribution of responsibilities in the family,
Continuity of different generations, preservation of family traditions,Reading 5 min.
Most modern parents believe that the Orthodox upbringing of children does not affect the development of strong qualities. However, looking at the current generation, one can understand that the boundaries between “good” and “bad” are beginning to blur. Why is it important to bring up children according to Orthodox laws? At what age to introduce a child to religion?
Education in Orthodoxy
It is important to understand that Orthodox education is not only faith in God and complete immersion in faith. Orthodox education includes knowledge and adherence to traditions, reverence for parents and boundless love.
Modern mothers think about the moral state of their children when they see the “decline in morals” of today's youth. In the hope of avoiding rudeness, hypocrisy, and aggression, parents introduce kids to faith. The Orthodox upbringing of preschool children should not be intrusive, it is enough for the child to see the parental example. Visiting Sunday schools at the church gives a lot of knowledge, but the actions of mom and dad play a huge role in the correct perception of Orthodoxy.
Christian family
In an Orthodox Christian family, the first place in life is actually the family. Orthodoxy makes it clear that the family will always be there for both happiness and sorrow. No friends and work can replace loved ones, children and parents. The main difference between an Orthodox family and others is love for people and faith in goodness. Orthodox parents teach their children not to be offended by others, but to accept the situation as a test and overcome it.
The relationship between believing parents is respectful, the clarification of the relationship takes place without children's ears and eyes. The disrespect of the father for the mother undermines the authority of the younger generation.
Raising children in an Orthodox family implies obedience to children, adherence to traditions. However, fasting by children of any age is excluded. It is possible to abstain from sweets, only the baby should do this consciously, and not by the decision of the parents.
Orthodoxy to children
For kids brought up in a Christian family, Orthodoxy is a part of life. Children's perception of evening and morning prayers should be like a regular conversation with God, an assessment of their actions. Raising children in Orthodoxy, parents from an early age introduce them to Christian customs, laws, and norms of behavior. Do not forget that the main teacher is the correct example of the parents.
Children from one to three years old should be brought to church and told about what is happening there (in a correspondingly quiet tone), show your child the icons, let him examine everything. Explain that it is forbidden to make noise in church, and if the baby is tired and cannot resist calmly, just go outside. Orthodox Christians will never “boo” at the crumbs in the church, they can only help distract him or ignore him.
Kindergarten children are ready to accept information about Christianity. In some gardens, discussions are held on the topic of religion and belief. In large cities of Russia, Orthodox gardens began to open, in which children are introduced to Orthodoxy from an early age.
Problems of Orthodoxy
The most important problem in the matter of religion is faith. More precisely, its absence, meaning not only faith in God, but in general faith in people, government, loved ones. The modern generation is skeptical about morality, people who have been deceived more than once have ceased to trust.
Another problem is the so-called “difficult teenagers”. Each parent would like to see his child who sincerely believes in God, revered by tradition, and moral. However, in adolescence, when hormones take over the mind, some children take the wrong path. The task of parents is to understand the cause of the changes in behavior, to become even closer and earn trust. Attending church services and taking the sacrament will only benefit your teenager. Do not disregard any hobbies, try to keep abreast of your nearest plans, meet your friends.
Remember that mom and dad are a fortress behind which the baby should feel protected.
Traditions of Orthodox parenting in the family
Of course, the main source of information is the family. A son or daughter will not follow traditions if no one at home observes them.
Each family should have its own traditions, in addition to social ones. If a child is brought up in a family in a spiritual and moral environment, then having matured he will be able to distinguish good from evil, and by choosing good he will be able to resist temptations. In order to instill good in children, it is necessary to take them to services, to help the sick together.
We can highlight the main traditions that can be rooted in every family:
- baptism;
- visiting temples;
- showing respect to church holidays;
- joint meal;
- reverence for adults;
- caring for the little and the sick;
- discussion of family issues, joint problem solving.
Earlier, Orthodoxy began with baptism, which was considered almost mandatory. Attending church, participating in family prayers, confession, communion were also considered an integral part of the life of every boy and girl. All this was part of the spiritual and moral education of children.
A modern person needs to revive forgotten traditions and introduce Orthodox traditions, cultures, and customs from a very early age. After all, one of the main reasons for the loss of knowledge is non-observance of the connection between generations.
The core of spiritual education is laid in the family, therefore, the spiritual and moral education of children is possible under the condition of the correct spiritual and moral state of the family as a whole.
Family education is hard work for parents and children. Children should be seen as a seed to be grown in a good, calm, happy environment. Children are not to blame for anything, wrong upbringing or lack of it is to blame.
Love your children as they are and try to give the correct knowledge, introduce your traditions and follow the church's annual holidays.
