31.07.2017 09:24
Addictive behavior is a serious problem in our population. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gaming and food addiction - there are many types of addictive behavior. And each person who is captured by addiction has his own problems, his own life story and his own destiny.
Each person is an individual, and his life is unique. But still people have something in common, in some ways they are similar to each other. Here we will look at the types of people who are most susceptible to developing addictions, and talk about what kind of people become alcoholics or start smoking.
In fact, there are people whose fate consists of a continuous series of problems, but at the same time they do not become dependent, do not become alcoholics or drug addicts, and do not acquire destructive habits. And there are also those who seem to have no objective reasons to run away from reality - but they start drinking and using drugs.
Why do people become addicted, what type of people are susceptible to such traps?
1. Unconfident
There are people who are shy and timid. People who find it difficult to stand up to others and express their opinions openly. And if you drink a glass of wine, then it’s not so scary to talk. Two - and courage magically appears from somewhere. And a conversation goes better with a cigarette in company than with empty hands. Accordingly, various dopings, especially those that have a significant effect on consciousness and mood, are an easy way to become more relaxed. It's much easier than working on yourself, isn't it?
2. Kind and vulnerable
If you look at the types of people who become alcoholics, you will find that many sober alcoholics are kind and sensitive people.
There are people who know how to protect themselves from the blows of fate and withstand difficulties. And there are those who cannot and do not want to come to terms with the cruelty of the world and other people - and it is easier for them to drown out their pain by clouding their minds.
3. Anxious
Some are more nervous, some less. And those people who tend to often worry and worry can often be calmed down by a cigarette or a can of beer. Exposure to such substances, when combined with the ritual of their use, often reduces crippling anxiety. But people often don’t notice that smoking and regular drinking makes them even more nervous, and the anxiety that arises in the absence of a “dose” forces them to run for the next one.
4. Tend to run away from problems
Life is full of problems that need to be solved. But solving every problem requires effort, responsibility and psychological resources. There are people who do not want to bear the burden of responsibility, who in difficult situations tend not to “rush into battle,” but to hide and run away. Such people often become alcoholics or gamblers - after all, this is a great way to escape from reality and forget. The desire to forget is a common reason why people become addicted.
5. Prone to stereotypical actions
We all have some habits, many of which are monotonous and stereotypical. For example, some of us, while thinking about work or talking on the phone, are accustomed to scribbling something on paper or playing on a tablet. Stereotypical actions often calm you down and help you concentrate.
The habit of drawing faces during a telephone conversation is harmless. But if instead of a pencil a cigarette falls into the hands of such a person, then it may be very difficult for him to get rid of this habit - the stereotypical ritual of smoking.
6. Not self-sufficient
Some people are more sociable, others less sociable. Normally, even a sociable person should be able to entertain himself and find suitable activities for himself. But some people simply cannot be alone; when alone they feel emptiness and sadness.
If today is a day off and there is no one to spend time with, then a person can fill the emptiness and sadness with a can of beer. And if at work everyone went on a smoke break, then someone might be very sad to be alone in the office, and it would be easier for him to go with everyone.
7. Not very erudite
When introducing a bad habit into your life, a person must have an idea of its consequences. But often people, especially young people, lack the education, erudition and seriousness to seriously weigh all the consequences. When young people start smoking, they sincerely think that they can quit at any time. And when they get used to drinking with friends every evening, it begins to seem to them that there is nothing bad or dangerous about it: they say, alcoholics are such scary tramps who lie around the trash heap surrounded by bottles. But this is not so.
8. "Party People"
There is a type of person who simply loves to party. Clubs, discos, constant trips to nature, visiting guests, traveling and festivals - some people simply cannot imagine their life without it.
In fact, the life of some people is one continuous holiday. And during the holidays there are cigarettes, booze, and drugs. Getting involved and losing control of your habits is a simple matter.
9. Subject to influence
At a young age, many are very dependent on the opinions of others and are influenced by more lively comrades. “Smoke a cigarette - it’s cool”, “Why are you sitting alone and not drinking?”, “Smoke one joint - nothing will happen from once.” Are you familiar with these phrases? Some people know how to resist bad influences, others don’t. Someone tries out of curiosity and then does not repeat their experiments, but those who value their reputation among “cool” friends get involved.
And when this person grows up, he will already have a long history of smoking or alcoholism behind him. And the more years pass, the more difficult it is to get rid of a bad habit.
10. People from families with similar habits
Growing up, a person absorbs what surrounds him. If in a child's family both parents smoke in the kitchen, then cigarettes become the norm of life for him - the same as tea and a sandwich. And if it’s customary in the family to drink beer in the evening after work, it’s no wonder that the younger generation also wants to try it. Children from families of alcoholics also often become alcoholics - because this way of life in their home is the norm, because even the older generation does not understand the depth of the problem. Because daily drinking is the norm of life for such a family, and the children have not seen any other norm.
So we looked at what kind of people often become alcoholics or start smoking, and why people become addicted. Based on this information, you will be able to understand who in your environment is at risk and who may need your help and participation. If you yourself are an addict and can determine which of the listed types of people you belong to, then you will be able to analyze the cause of your bad habits - and this will help get rid of them.
The women's online magazine “100 Worlds” wishes you health and psychological harmony.
Psychologist Anastasia Cherkasova
Other people will not make you happy until you understand yourself. How to become self-sufficient and independent?
I have to admit that for the first time in many years, I feel like I'm emotionally bankrupt and that I need help.
No, it's not that I'm crazy or desperate, it's just that I need someone else to satisfy my emotional needs.
And this became the cause of a whole series of problems that I had not the slightest idea about before: I began to have problems in personal relationships because I expected the person to please me in every possible way, and when I did not wait for this, I was disappointed in relationships. I often felt unhappy because I expected happiness to come from outside, and this is an unreliable and shaky basis for happiness. On top of that, I was in a hopelessly helpless position: if I expected other people to make me happy and they didn't, then what was left for me? And what could I do if at the same time they also brought unhappiness into my life?
It's only in the last few years that I've become more emotionally independent. And thanks to this, my relationships with people began to improve, and overall I became happier.
Check yourself
Are you emotionally independent? Ask yourself:
Do you expect your partner to bring you happiness?
If you already have a partner, do you turn to him for love, sex, confirmation of your own worth, for support?
Do you get upset when your partner doesn't respond the way you expect or meet your needs?
When you are alone, do you try to take your mind off your loneliness? How often do you pick up your phone?
How often do you complain to other people about something? Or how often do you get annoyed by what other people do?
Is your relationship with your partner the most important thing in the world to you? What about relationships with friends or children?
Does it annoy you if your partner does something that has nothing to do with you or suddenly decides to do something on their own that you used to do together?
Are you jealous?
This list can be continued, of course, but perhaps some of you have already recognized yourself in these questions if you answer them honestly.
And it doesn't necessarily mean you're a "terrible person." I also have several of the above problems and am working on them. Most people in general have the same problems, it’s just that not everyone admits it, because... They believe that admitting this means being seen in an unsightly light. And everyone wants to look decent. However, if you have problems, then it's not about how you look on the outside, but about who you really are.
In any case, whether what matters most to you is how you look or who you really are, you will benefit from the following ways to be independent. They will completely transform you and bring you happiness and peace.
How do we become like this?
Usually people get used to emotional dependence from childhood. We rely on our parents to satisfy our emotional needs - for love, comfort, support, confirmation of our importance, and so on. We cannot learn the skills of independent emotional existence in childhood, since our loving parents themselves do everything to satisfy all our needs.
And then we grow up and lack the skills to meet our emotional needs on our own. And we are looking for someone else to do this. We search for the perfect partner, or even go through a series of breakups because:
1) we do not have emotional independence, so we destroy relationships with our dissatisfaction
2) most likely, our partner has the same problems.
If we are hurt, we blame our partner for our pain. If people don't support us, we blame them too. If something bad happens to us, we imagine ourselves as victims, because if someone harmed us, we automatically become a victim, and we cannot control our life, right?
But there is a solution: you just need to remember one thing: happiness is within us.
How to become emotionally independent
Looking for the source of happiness in others is not a reliable way to find it. People come and go, they may be emotionally closed for their own personal reasons.
And the point is this: they are not at all obligated to satisfy our emotional needs. They themselves can barely cope with satisfying their needs.
So, instead of looking for happiness in someone else, you need to understand that there is no happiness there. Because it is inside us.
Happiness is not in the future, and not somewhere else. It is available right now, within us, at any given time.
How to find this happiness? Yes, it's a process of self-discovery, but here are some suggestions:
Be alone with yourself, without external distractions, for a few minutes. Take a closer look at yourself. Analyze your thoughts as they arise. Take a closer look at your consciousness. Realize how amazing it is in itself. This can already be studied and all this will be interesting.
One of the sources of happiness for me is creation, the search for new ideas, creativity. I don’t need anyone for this, and people are surprised at this ability of mine.
I also really love learning things. It makes me happy and helps my personal growth.
Curiosity is an endless source of happiness for me.
Learn to solve your problems yourself. If you are bored, solve this problem. If you feel lonely or hurt, comfort yourself. If you are jealous, do not hope that someone will resolve your doubts - deal with them yourself.
Take responsibility. If you often blame others, understand that it is not them. More precisely, you may think that the problem is with some person, but, in this case, the solution to the problem does not depend on you. And if you believe that the problem is not in him, then you will find a solution on your own.
If you find yourself complaining, find a way to be grateful.
If you are waiting for someone to help you, help yourself.
Create your own personal source of happiness. And continue to live, being a complete, happy person, not needing anything.
And then, when you learn to be this thing in yourself, take the next step from this source of integrity, self-sufficiency and independence - give your love to people. Not because you want to receive love in return, not because you want someone to need you, but because loving is wonderful.
How to get rid of love addiction that has replaced love.
“As usual, we woke up in the morning, had breakfast, there wasn’t much to talk about, so we watched the news. Then I walked him to work, he kissed me before leaving. In the evening I found out that he has had another girlfriend for 2 months.”
“We broke up more than six months ago. Not long ago I finally came to my senses, a new man appeared, but nothing serious. Yesterday my ex wrote and suggested we meet and talk. It feels like I was thrown into a past life again. I don’t know what he needs and what’s the point of this meeting, I don’t want to contact him again, although, of course, I miss him terribly.”
“I don’t know how it happened that I got into a relationship with a married man. But now I can’t imagine my life without him. I knew about my wife from the beginning, but we had fun and good, I didn’t think that it would develop into something serious. Now I can’t leave him, and I no longer have the strength to share with my wife.”
And thousands more similar stories can be recalled by any practicing psychologist or psychotherapist.
Their whole essence boils down to the fact that people are looking for relief, are afraid to plunge back into the old routine, delve into themselves in search of an answer to the question of how to get rid of love addiction if the relationship has come to an end, is it worth returning to former partners and forgiving betrayal or Over time, the feelings will subside and everything will get better.
Breaking up is always an emotionally exhausting process that takes away strength and faith in a bright future. But time passes, you cool down and agree to forgive everything, if only the person returns and you are happy again. The question is, will you?
Such love dependence on a person arises not from great love, but from large, voluntarily raised cockroaches in the head. That’s why so often people cannot give a clear answer what feelings drive them, if we take away the word “love” - fear of being alone, affection, outright manipulation, inability to live independently, jealousy.
Why do we all know about addiction?
A person struggles with addiction to food, bad habits, pills, games, but rarely admits that he is dependent on a relationship with another person. There is a universal excuse: “I just love.” Although dependence in relationships is formed according to the same laws, it also subjugates a person, depriving him of self-control and filling his thoughts.
It is similar to drug or nicotine, gaming or chemical addiction: you lose freedom, all interests are focused on one thing - the object of addiction. It is not so much the partner that becomes important, but the relationship with him. A person dependent on “love” experiences an acute lack of attention, moral support, self-respect, self-worth, and loses the feeling of life regardless of dependence:
“I can’t evaluate my merits until I receive approval from my partner,”
“After a quarrel with her, I can neither sleep nor eat - everything makes no sense.”
The emergence of addiction on the foundation of “love”
Any addiction is based on three pillars:
- it’s emotionally difficult for you, you feel physically unwell;
- you are looking for ways to alleviate your condition, but nothing helps except continuing to interact with the object of addiction;
- all your interests converge at one point - the object of dependence.
If, for example, everything is clear in relation to alcohol addiction:
- hangover, deterioration of health;
- desire to drink again (or drink more);
- neglecting work, family and friends for the sake of alcohol,
then it is more difficult to discern love addiction in a relationship. We love it! And we cannot admit even to ourselves that there is no more love. We choose to endure, cry, be offended, swear, blindly believing that this will pass and peace will come. And peace comes.
But when you enter the “everything is fine” state, are you able to tell yourself that you are in a sober mind, that your thoughts are fresh and the absence of pain is not a temporary phenomenon?
Next comes a new round of dependent relationships - depressed mood, despair, feelings of hopelessness, psycho-emotional breakdowns. You consider the reason for this to be any external factors that prevent you from enjoying happiness, but you do not see that it is the object of your desires that is the main reason for what is happening. This works with any form of addiction.
How to finally determine that you have become a hostage in a relationship
It is possible that behind love (which is firmly entrenched in your head) is the inability to open your thoughts to your partner, personal feelings have to be suppressed so as not to provoke another conflict, from time to time you are subject to anxiety, which arises if something goes wrong. usually.
Analyze your state when you smooth out conflicts.
Yes, you preserve the relationship and avoid conflict. But what's going on inside? Are you happy, exhale calmly if “everything turned out okay,” do you blame yourself for weakness, do you feel resentful? In dependent relationships, a person does not get relief, even after avoiding a quarrel. His goal is to “hush up the situation” so as not to make things worse.
How much does your mood depend on your partner’s mood and behavior?
This is clearly visible in a situation when one of the partners begins to behave inconveniently for the other, creating a threat to the “everything is fine” state. For example, you express dissatisfaction (little attention, show up late, don’t help), then your partner takes a dominant position, demonstrates superiority, using “punishment” techniques: blaming in response, raising your voice, belittling, shaming, open anger - even threatening to break up . After this, you “roll back” the situation, refuse accusations, apologize, admit your incontinence and return to the original model of behavior (where you feel just as bad), just so as not to ruin your existing relationship and lose your partner.
The phrase “If you love, let go” is not about you.
It is never applicable, in any way, in any way. Everyone’s freedom is extremely limited, relationships are built according to the “good-bad-attempt to hold on” scheme. Dependent relationships are based solely on the fear of losing a partner and the desire to stay with him at any cost. If there is a threat of a breakup or the departure of a partner, the dependent person ceases to be interested in everything that does not concern their couple, including their own condition.
Who is right?
A dependent person is confident that he is right and that the culprit of his bad condition is a partner who behaves incorrectly. He does not allow the idea that the very nature of his anxiety is abnormal; he believes that if his partner changes, the relationship will improve. These thoughts accumulate and pour out on the partner in a series of quarrels and truces under the threat of separation. However, as soon as peace comes, he again plunges into discontent, worries and accusations of what is happening to his partner.
A dependent person cannot solve his problems without connecting them with the object of dependence. Even if everything is perfect in all areas of life (work, friends, health, self-realization), but at home you are immersed in an atmosphere of constant accusations and insults, everything else loses importance until you improve your family relationships.
There are problems communicating with other people, shyness, vulnerability, and the need for constant support and approval. This is a sign of any addiction: the function that alcohol performs in alcohol addiction (without it it is difficult to interact with people), in an addictive relationship the partner has. And until you get “doping” in his face, the condition cannot be improved.
You start calling and writing, tracking and looking for “evidence”, deceiving, blaming and intimidating, trying to get someone to talk and get any emotions. You completely lose control over your behavior, directing all your efforts towards one person. But still continue to believe that this is love and not addiction?
While you're inside
A healthy relationship occurs when two separate people, while maintaining personal freedom and individuality, find common ground.
Adapting to each other, to the lifestyle, tastes and habits of the partner is natural and even necessary as long as everyone has their own personal space, preferences, interests and opportunities to realize themselves outside the couple, as long as none of the partners sacrifices anything.
If you have not “dissolved” in your partner, then you have every chance to level the relationship to a healthy level. And the main task is to direct efforts not at points of contact with another person, but inside oneself, at character education and the formation of personal space.
In dependent relationships, the personal space of partners is noticeably narrowed in favor of the “common”. At first, everything seems ideal: you live in perfect harmony, are completely absorbed in common interests, spend time together, abandoning the part of yourself that makes you you, “for the sake of a relationship.” But over time and a gradual increase in problems, a strong dependence of emotional states, anxieties and joys on the situation within the relationship appears.
The dangerous thing in this situation is that once you become dependent and begin to “destroy yourself,” you draw moral strength exclusively from your partner. In moments when “everything is fine,” you feel a state of complete happiness, the joy of dissolving into something more, all-encompassing love. Because of this, after another quarrel (or even a breakup), you strive to experience exactly these feelings again, without taking into account the circumstances, other opinions, without taking into account the real state of affairs. Your goal is to again experience the happiness that you believe is impossible without this person.
If we reduce everything to theory, then there are only 2 ways out of dependent relationships:
You gradually begin to “build yourself up”, purposefully work on the psychological restoration of your “I”: you do what you gave up, expand your social circle, develop professional skills. This way you restore the balance between relationships and personal space. Yes, it may not be possible to save the couple, since your partner will not accept your behavior, which differs from the usual, but you will get a chance to get out of an addictive relationship.
You continue to torment and convince yourself, proving that everything that is happening is temporary and will soon change, you are trying to change your partner, blaming him for your problems ( “You don’t change”, “You don’t want to understand me”). From time to time you make peace, at these moments you even laugh at quarrels ( “I wonder when we will quarrel next,” “Yes, our whole relationship is a confrontation.”), and continue to consciously cherish and protect the existing model of relationships. As a result, your anxieties intensify, and it becomes more difficult for you to survive each new quarrel and cope with psychological discomfort. Relationships collapse, end, but you are looking for new connections only with a similar scenario, needing to be complemented by another person - with the same problems, identical people and even the same events.
If you understand that the end has come, do not torment yourself with hopes.
How to live if you broke up?
How to get rid of love addiction
You are going through a difficult period in your life, you are sure that you will never find such happiness again, that this person is your destiny, and you have lost him... All your thoughts are directed to your ex-partner, you are looking for reasons for separation, excuses, blaming yourself for everything, make promises to yourself to change your behavior and attitude towards life, come up with ways to return. You are sure that you are in a dead end, from which there is only one way out - to return to your past relationship. Don’t worry, there are ways out, and he’s not even the only one.
You need to not just admit the thought, but clearly realize that you are dependent and your relationship is destructive for both of you. You are driven not by feelings for a person, not by an emotional need to communicate with him, but by an obsession with being where it hurts and is difficult for you, because it is familiar. So, how to get rid of love addiction to a person when you no longer have the strength to fight?
Start by understanding yourself, not your partner.
Remember the moments of truce, when rare bursts of joy were even more rarely accompanied by a state of calm. When, even having established peace after a quarrel, you could not relax, you were constantly in anxiety, you felt injustice, humiliation on the part of your partner. After the breakup, there was no relief, and painful feelings are now intensified by the absence of someone who at least occasionally brought joy. In the same circumstances there is a person suffering, for example, from alcohol addiction.
Don’t rush to look for ways to return, first understand what’s inside you.
Otherwise, when you return, you will dive into exactly the same absorbing swamp, into the same anxieties and experiences. What if the partner you're longing for isn't the one you want in your life? Wait deny. Yes, now you have suffered enough and are ready to do anything, even to accept his lowest qualities, just to return everything and alleviate your current condition. Similarly, a drug addict needs a dose, a gambler needs a game: this helps get rid of suffering “now,” and this is precisely the task you consider the main one.
Now imagine a person who thinks about himself, looks to the future, wants to build a happy relationship, and does not cling to the old ones, enduring pain and stirring up coals, in fear of being left with nothing. Does it command respect?
Then stop thinking that this person is not you. Is it worth returning to your ex-partner, risking getting old experiences, or is it better to let go - your main doubt at this stage. Are you afraid of making a mistake and letting go of someone who could become your destiny? Then do not miss the idea that fate is also preparing teachers, whose task is to teach an important lesson, to prepare for the next stage of life.
Take a short personality test
Take a test to better understand yourself and your partner. Answer a few questions, adjust them to your relationship. This will make it easier for you to understand whether it’s worth looking for ways to return to your ex-partner or whether it’s time to call it a day and try to get rid of your love addiction.
Do you really feel love for your ex-partner or are you drawn to him by feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, thoughts about the past?
Has love gone? Get off the “dead horse”, you can’t tell your heart. Be tougher on yourself - build your life without him.
You can't come to terms with some of your partner's personal qualities?
People rarely change, there's nothing you can do about it. He will change and you won't accept it.
Have you been betrayed several times already?
And you continue to believe that this is the last one? Read it again: people don't change.
He is womanizer? Drunkard? Does he lie all the time? Humiliating?
Don't think, break up! If you continue to date such a person, there is something wrong with you.
Are you incompatible in bed?
Sex is an important element of relationships. It may be more important or less important, but if you are not suitable for each other, then this is a good reason to think about it. Problems will still arise.
Why do you want your ex back?
Answer honestly, avoiding the phrase “I love” that drives you. Is there no place for wounded pride or selfishness? Jealousy? Fear of being alone? You still can’t build love on such a foundation, even if you return the relationship.
It won't get any more interesting. If you don’t have common interests and have very different views on life, what do you think are the chances that everything will change?
You broke up, and there were reasons for it.
Why are you sure that after reconciliation everything will work out? After all the disappointments, unresolved problems and with an accumulated load of grievances and claims? Because “now you understand everything”? Don't fool yourself.
The race for the truth in the vein of “who had it more difficult” will only lead to a new batch of quarrels. You want to stay not so much with the person, but “in a relationship with the person,” making the relationship the center of attention, perceiving the rest as an application. This desire usually manifests itself as follows:
“It’s hard for me both with him and without him. I feel something is wrong, something is not going right, does not satisfy me and causes discomfort. I would like to end this relationship, but I cannot resist the inner need to be with him and constantly hope that everything will work out.”
If you still want to improve your relationship, eradicate these reasons and get your partner back, during the exercise, write as honestly as possible why each of them worries you, remember previous relationships, events, grievances associated with other people.
- It is possible that the silence and closedness of your partner, for which you reproached him, causes you pain not because he behaves this way, but because you once got burned by another person.
- Perhaps the facts justifying your jealousy are strained and exist only in your head, and your partner is unable to change the course of your thoughts.
- And your emotionality in quarrels comes from deep psychological problems, and you perceive any word through the prism of previous experiences and grievances.
By understanding yourself, you will save yourself in the future from repeating the same events and from similar quarrels. Try to expand your vision - changes and work on internal problems are not needed in order to return your partner and with him - all the problems. You need them to build your own happy life, no matter with your ex-partner or with someone else. Getting rid of love addiction means taking a step towards emotional freedom in relationships, without which a happy family is impossible.
Numerous medical organizations define addiction as a chronic disease that affects the reward system, motivation, memory and other structures of the brain. The Surgeon General's Report on Alcohol, Drugs, and Health..
Addiction takes away the ability to make choices and control one’s actions and replaces it with a constant desire to take one or another substance (alcohol, drugs, medications).
The behavior of dependent people is caused by illness, and not by weakness, selfishness or lack of willpower. The anger and hostility that addicts often face disappear when those around them realize that such a person simply cannot help himself.
Addiction is not a disease, but a habit
However, scientists are now convinced that the approach to addiction solely as a disease is not justified.
A proponent of a new view of addiction is the famous neuroscientist and author of the book “The Biology of Desire” Marc Lewis. He believes that changes in brain structure alone are not proof of his disease.
The brain changes constantly: as the body grows, in the process of learning and developing new skills, and during natural aging. Also, the structure of the brain changes during recovery from a stroke, and most importantly, when people stop taking drugs. In addition, there is an opinion that it is not the drugs themselves that cause addiction.
People become addicted to gambling, pornography, sex, social networks, computer games, and food. Many of these addictions are classified as mental disorders.
The changes in the brain observed with drug addiction are no different from those that occur with behavioral addictions.
According to the new version, addiction develops and is learned as a habit. This brings addiction closer to other harmful behaviors: racism, religious extremism, obsession with sports and unhealthy relationships.
But if addiction is learned, why is it so much more difficult to break than other types of learned behavior?
When it comes to learning, we imagine new skills: foreign languages, riding a bike, playing a musical instrument. But we also acquire habits: we have learned to sit for hours in front of the TV.
Habits are acquired without special intention, and skills are acquired consciously. Addiction is inherently closer to habits.
Habits form when we do something over and over again.
From a neurobiological point of view, habits are repeated patterns of synaptic excitation (a synapse is the point of contact between two neurons).
When we think about something over and over again or perform the same actions, synapses fire in the same way and form habitual patterns. This is how any action is learned and taken root. This principle applies to all natural complex systems, from the organism to society.
Habits become ingrained. They do not depend on genes and are not determined by the environment.
The formation of habits in self-organizing systems is based on such a concept as an “attractor”. An attractor is a stable state in a complex (dynamic) system towards which it tends.
Attractors are often depicted as indentations or holes in a smooth surface. The surface itself symbolizes the many states that the system can take.
The system (person) can be represented as a ball rolling on a surface. Eventually the ball falls into the attractor hole. But getting out of it is no longer so easy.
Physicists would say that this requires additional energy. In a human analogy, it is the effort that must be made to give up some behavior or way of thinking.
Addiction is a rut that gets more and more difficult to get out of.
Personality development can also be described using attractors. In this case, an attractor is a quality that characterizes a person in a certain way and that persists for a long time.
Dependence is such an attractor. Then the relationship between a person and a drug is a feedback loop that has reached a degree of self-reinforcement and is connected to other loops. This is what makes it addictive.
Such feedback loops drive the system (a person and his brain) into an attractor, which constantly deepens over time.
Addiction is characterized by an irresistible desire for a substance. This substance brings temporary relief. As soon as its effect ends, the person is overwhelmed by a feeling of loss, disappointment and anxiety. To calm down, the person takes the substance again. Everything repeats itself over and over again.
Addiction perpetuates the need it was meant to satisfy.
After numerous repetitions, it becomes natural for the addicted person to increase the dose, and this further strengthens the underlying patterns of synaptic excitation.
Other interconnected feedback loops also influence the perpetuation of addiction. For example, social isolation, only amplified by the fact of addiction. As a result, the addicted person has fewer and fewer opportunities to restore relationships with people and return to a healthy lifestyle.
Self-development helps overcome addiction
Addiction has nothing to do with conscious choice, bad character and a dysfunctional childhood (although the latter is still considered a risk factor). It is a habit formed through repetition of self-reinforcing feedback loops.
Although addiction does not completely deprive a person of choice, it is much more difficult to get rid of it, because it takes root very deeply.
It is impossible to formulate one specific rule that would help cope with addiction. It takes a combination of perseverance, personality, luck and circumstances.
However, experts agree that maturation and self-development contribute greatly to recovery. Over the years, a person’s views and his idea of his own future change, addiction becomes less attractive and no longer seems so insurmountable.
Doing the same thing over and over eventually leads to boredom and frustration. Oddly enough, these negative emotions encourage us to continue to act, even if we have already tried to do something a hundred times before, but nothing worked.
The very cycle of addiction and the absurdity of pursuing the same goal day after day contradicts everything creative and optimistic in human nature.
