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I see the meaning of life, I understand it perfectly, I remove toxins, I bring you to consciousness - all at a negotiated price. Your money is my concern
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There are people with such a developed sense of humor that their humor has clearly overtaken their intelligence.
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I built a house... I’m raising my son... And I divorced the tree!!!
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Leaders should be praised! And some are simply placed on a pedestal, and higher. Let them sit there and not interfere with their work.
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Damn it, we are beautiful as always, accordingly, everything around us, and the whole world we make it even more beautiful:)
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“Indian summer” is the hot weather that sets in immediately after you have packed and hidden all your summer things.
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If you’re going to go and get yourself into something, then it’s easily me! Right to the fullest and to the pumpkin! I’m great, I’m straight, special. I know the routes...
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I eat a kilo of candy a day... no wonder life doesn’t get any sweeter.
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Any reinforced concrete plans can be destroyed by battering ram circumstances...
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For some reason beautiful women They fix their gaze on themselves... and their loved ones - the brain...
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It's always a little alarming when doctors give a lifetime guarantee on their work.
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It’s very strange, but it’s those who don’t want to live who want to live long healthy image life...
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After Vladimir Putin drew a cat from a rear view on a blackboard, it became clear where the government was turning to education.
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If laziness comes into fashion, I will be the most stylish and cool.
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How fleeting life is - before I knew it, I turned from a girl with a future into a woman with a past...))
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The advance and salary have long since been divorced, they are still only registered at their place of residence, but do not live... I threw away my wallet... as unnecessary)))...
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Our team is tolerant. Tolerate and endure...)) Statuses about life with humor
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Nature has a great sense of humor! April Fool's joke It was a great success: from the night everything was covered with snow, and in the evening frost hit.
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A sense of humor is a person’s attitude towards life. The more relaxed he is about everything, the brighter his sense of humor.
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Don't argue with just anyone with anything.
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Talent, like an ideal, is different for everyone and different for everyone...
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- The doctor prescribed this medicine to me and promised that with it I would have a different life!
- I mean, the next one?
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HOORAY!!! Yesterday I won a trial against traffic cops!!! My lawyer managed to prove that at a speed of 240 km. per hour, the 40 sign is really not visible!!!
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Got up in the morning in a great mood, decided to enjoy life all day like crazy, came to work, caring people improved my mood...
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Only the dead are absolutely not hypocrites.
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I Lately I sleep very anxiously... especially at work.
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The head goes into the shoulders, the soul goes into the heels. And only the ass has nowhere to hide. And answer her.
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Delivery by Russian Post worked more or less. But then the postman Pechkin’s bicycle was stolen...
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I approach life with humor and sometimes she likes to joke with me...))))
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Men, if you don’t want to live with a fool, don’t turn your WOMEN INTO WOMEN!!
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Life is full of failures and troubles, but if there is a sense of humor, there will be a reason to laugh... and a good mood
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Sometimes the Mosquito considers himself an Eagle, because he has wings and he flies on them...
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Foreigners are surprised why our fences are high - above the waist... It's dark... What's below the waist... then we have a fence!
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I suffer from periodic attacks of an excess of emotions, but on the whole I am quite adequate and happy...))
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A thought always gnaws, if there is food for thought, like a lump in the throat.
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I’m on a diet: I don’t eat meat, fish, flour, or sweets... Yes, it’s simple, I don’t have any money!!!
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You can't shout down a barking dog.
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Previously, in order to empty the toilet, it was necessary to turn off the light in it. Now to do this you need to turn off the router.
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My friend has suffered from blood pressure since childhood... You should have seen how she chokes on dumplings!!!
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Even people with a developed sense of humor do not want a ridiculous salary.
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Brevity is the sister of talent, but not all those who are friends with their sister are friends with their brother...
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The ideal cocktail for life: adventurism doesn’t give a damn, altruism, a drop of selfishness. Mix, shake, drink immediately...)))))
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The sad time is not autumn at all, but those ten days before payday!
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I'm still too young... to wonder if there is life after death? I'm much more interested in... is there sex... after the wedding???
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It seems there will soon be three of us, I told my husband... and took a lover... and he, in my opinion, has been thinking for two months now... that I’m pregnant...))
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Exorcism, on the contrary, is when you are expelled from hell because you annoyed everyone there too.
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Looking for adventures for my fall! Statuses about life with humor
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As soon as my sense of humor overcomes my upbringing, I will finally be able to be rude to others without suffering from remorse.
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Cheap show-offs cost more...
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Not seen in bad company! I try to be stupid... on my own!!!)))
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I drank 200 grams of rum in the morning... Now I'm roaming!!!))
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Why am I so lazy? - asked the ass and answered herself - Because I am forever young and beautiful!
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A woman's handbag is like a tourist's backpack - it contains only the essentials.
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If your wife is listening to your every word, she is probably looking for a hole in your alibi.)))
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Six billion people live on Earth, not counting visitors!!!
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I don’t listen to anyone if they shame and criticize me... Because I’m the best! And also - deaf!
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Life is sheer sex: everyone roasts each other with great pleasure...
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A smart woman WILL get smarter when necessary.
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Before you scold your child, remember yourself at his age, pat him on the head, kiss him and go drink your valerian...:)))))))
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Hope is the last to die...
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People without a sense of humor are like stale champagne. The taste seems to be the same, but there is no holiday feeling.
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I can't understand people... without a sense of humor ;))
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It turns out that bestiality has its own deep and rich history: that's where nymphs, satyrs and mermaids come from!
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When there are children in the house, the only place that can be perfectly clean is in a bowl of sweets...
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And her name is Glashka, and her last name is Gotovko, and every day she has the same thing...
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Returning from maternity leave to work - important stage in the life of any woman... Well, if you don’t play smart, then I’ve gone wild, really gone wild))))))
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I was at the market today! I found out... that we have three sizes of clothes: “to fit you”, “not to fit you” and “need to be tried on”!
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Don't know who you are in life? go outside at 4am and shout “WHO AM I?” whoever wakes up will answer!!
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Tell me my dressing table, am I such a schmuck in nature?
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For wealthy gentlemen! The family is for sale on a turnkey basis. Beautiful wife, child and mother-in-law.
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Daughter, it's time to tell you the truth. we brought you in to wash the dishes
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Not all proverbs are for cats at Maslenitsa! For example, when I eat, I am very alert and sociable...
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“I urgently want to meet an unmarried president to create a strong family”
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I watch detective stories on TV. A judge was killed with a statuette of Themis, a computer technician was hit in the head with a laptop. In the next episode, the corpse of a gynecologist is found. I wonder how it is?
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Keep your friends at a distance. At gunshot distance. And NO problems with betrayal.
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A woman is honest only during hysterics... Provoke her and shudder with delight at the fact that she really thinks about you...
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Your freedom to wave your arms ends where my nose begins.
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It's good when people have a sense of humor, some don't have any at all.
Statuses about life with humor
Perhaps the funniest statuses on the website Statuses-Tut.ru! When you want to amuse your friends, look at Statuses-Here and you will find funny statuses for classmates, in contact or for others social networks. The main thing is not to lose heart, because you can always find positive statuses, thanks to which you will cheer up those around you, and gray everyday life will suddenly sparkle with new colors. Our most funny statuses will help make any princess Nesmeyana laugh, and now she is already laughing with you, and together you read laughing statuses for classmates on Statuses-Tut.ru! This is not surprising, because laughter, jokes, a positive and cheerful attitude prolong life, help maintain good relations and make it easier to see the world. Our funniest statuses about everything and everyone will give you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd of gloomy and dissatisfied Internet users. Funny quotes and sayings will definitely cheer up everyone who is lucky enough to see them. The funniest statuses are here! Let's choose a status together!
Selected funny statuses!
For us funny statuses do not imply a frivolous approach, since we monitor the quality of our content extremely carefully. Funny statuses Your friends will surely like them and will cheer you up. Positive Quotes as a status will reflect your positive attitude in life and will delight everyone who sees them. In any situation, the main thing is to always think positively, and even if your day is not going well in the morning, come to us and read our crazy statuses and you yourself will not notice how the situation will change in your favor. Everyone knows that life is like a zebra - today the stripe is white, and tomorrow it is black. Let the pessimists think so, but you and I are optimists, because on our Odnoklassniki and VKontakte pages we have our very funny statuses!The funniest statuses!
Your soulmate dreams of meeting New Year on the seashore, and the heat is +30? Our humorous statuses will help you take your companion's thoughts in a different direction. Are your parents tormented by conversations about a summer cottage and are already purchasing seeds in December? Our funny statuses about spring will help you, make them laugh. You can judge a person by his sense of humor. You don't want your friends to think you're a fan of Petrosyan or the Ponomarenko brothers? Then our statuses with humor will help you. And let them just say that Ivan Urgan is simply handsome, now he has serious competition in you.Funny statuses here!
Therefore, it’s a small matter: go to the appropriate section of the site, find carbon dioxide statuses and post them on your site. Just a few minutes of pleasant work, and a witty quote will appear on your page. And the fact that the work of finding funny statuses is really pleasant cannot even be disputed. After all, along the way you will definitely look at more than a dozen funny quotes, which will certainly delight you with excellent humor and charge you with an excellent mood. Positive people They really love funny statuses. Because funny statuses are very simple, but incredible effective remedy to lift the spirits of everyone around you. It's so easy to choose funny quote and post it as a status on your page. Everyone who visits your page will certainly pay attention to your status and, at a minimum, smile. But this is already a lot! That's why funny statuses are so popular. It would seem that just one or two lines of text, and the mood is already in the positive. This is the whole essence and meaning of funny sayings and sayings.Previously, all the boys knew, if you break through to the movie “Children under 16”, there will be boobs! Now if they write “16+”, there are no guarantees.
If you suspect someone is secretly watching you, yawn. If he's really looking, he'll yawn too.
If intuition didn’t fail, then it’s “I thought so,” if it failed, then it’s “as I felt.”
Whatever I'm going to do, my grandmother has the same story in which someone died.
My neighbor was struck by lightning, and since then he has acquired the superpower of boring everyone with this story.
I felt so bad this morning severe hangover that I stood in the shower for almost an hour. Then I gained strength and turned it on.
I like traveling very much. Yesterday I visited the kitchen - the capital of the apartment.
Remember how we sat in class studying Pavlov's dog? They laughed for a long time about how stupid his dogs were. And then the bell rang, and we were already flying to the dining room.
Somehow I never had a chance to throw easy money left and right. But I feel like it’s mine.
No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 113
Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 84
Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 85
Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 243 (1) - cool statuses
Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 17
Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 29
If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 56
I walk with my eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards my future happiness, through a field of rakes... 125
From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 37
Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 38
I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 51
The best way To test a guy's loyalty - ask the sleeping man in the morning a question: "Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?" 76
According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 75
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 65
You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 74
Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 52
If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 38
Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 52
All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 74
What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 21
If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46
Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 73
I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 55
The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the film, but I was very sweaty. 30
The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 60
Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 45
The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 55
I am protected by the great ancient Egyptian god of peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 77
Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 76
No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 38
Those who supported me when I fell, now hold on, we are taking off! 175
Life is like a game of poker: you always have to be prepared for someone else's bluff and have an ace up your sleeve. 71
Life is like a piano: the key is black, the key is white, the lid... 386
The best way to keep your promise is to not make it. 111
The most best road- the one that leads home. 175
Look forward with hope, backward with gratitude, upward with faith, and around with love. 160
When it’s bad, you need to remember: if you give up, it won’t get better! 127
If you sow an action, you will reap a habit; if you sow a habit, you will reap a character; if you sow a character, you will reap a destiny. 53
Can not be cowardly men. Either a man or a coward. 80
Weak people believe in luck, strong people believe in cause and effect. 58
Getting up at 7 am for work is torture, pain and tears. Getting up at 5 am to travel abroad is easy! 120
Everyone has their own hell: there is not necessarily fire and tar... Our hell is a wasted life! 47
Life is like hot tea. Burning, but ok with sweets! 103
Life is always fair, it just tests your strength sometimes... 92
If no one criticizes you, it means you have not yet achieved success. 95
Everyone must pay for their own stupidity, otherwise they will never grow wiser. 55
Most good teacher in life - experience. True, he charges a lot, but he explains it clearly. 107
When they really wait for us, we return even from the other world. 107
Don't try to fix the past. Better make every effort not to ruin the future. 126
The more difficult the chosen path, the fewer fellow travelers. 56
Life is short! Break the rules! Goodbye quickly! Kiss slowly! Love sincerely! Laugh uncontrollably! 134
You have to live in such a way that everyone at the top goes nuts and says, stop, repeat it again! 51
You need to live in such a way that others experience depression! 77
Stupid things happen by accident, and then become the best moments in life. 51
Fate sometimes grabs you by the throat so much that you involuntarily stick your tongue out at it. 17
To see a rainbow, you have to survive the rain... 78
Don't envy someone who is strong and rich.
Sunset always follows dawn.
With this short life, equal to a sigh,
Treat it as if it was given to you for hire.
Omar Khayyam, however.
78
The Internet is like life - there is nothing to do, but you don’t want to leave... 72
The secret is to be friends with those who are better. Train with those who are stronger, love those who are not allowed. Don't give up where others give up. 55
Only children and dogs love you just like that. Just because you exist! 47
Life is given to learn, life is given to love. But you need to know what you are learning and you need to know who to love. 63
Lessons of wisdom are given to us for free, but they are very expensive. 47
Remember: all people fall into your destiny for a reason. Some bring happiness, while others bring experience. 71
There are people whom you can know all your life and forget in 1 day, and there are those whom you can know for 1 day and remember all your life. 95
After 40° life is just beginning! 41
Fate is a book... Some have a detective story, some have a novel, some have complete fantasy. I think I have a comic :) 67
Be in the present, not in the past. After all, the past cannot be returned, but the present can be turned around as you wish. 43
You can have a secondary education, but your upbringing must be higher! 75
