Today, the problem of consumer relations between people is very relevant for our society. After all, it is hardly possible to find a person who has never encountered such a phenomenon in his life. Some people had to experience the consumer attitude. And this hardly gave them pleasure. Others simply observed such relationships from the outside. But all of them can hardly admit that they sometimes play the role of consumers in the eyes of those around them and loved ones. After all, it is quite difficult to realize this. As a rule, this is said by the victim who is tired of being constantly used.
What is this consumer attitude? This issue is worth understanding in more detail. After all, this will allow the wife to understand why the husband is constantly dissatisfied with the role of the eternal breadwinner, and the spouse - why the wife is offended by him, talking about the lack of respect and attention. Having learned in more detail that this is a consumer attitude, parents will understand why their generally well-mannered child is not able to utter words of gratitude.
Global problem of humanity
Representatives of modern society are often considered adherents of the cult of consumption. This is facilitated by the constantly increasing level of social benefits. The growth of the consumer relations index quite often manifests itself only through the prism of satisfying certain requests.
People start collecting things. And they do this only because they can afford it. If something becomes unusable, then we, as a rule, throw it away and purchase a new item in return. And again, we do this only because we can afford it.
Definition of the concept
Consumerism is a phenomenon that has many negative sides. Quite a lot has already been said about this. However, all this is not so scary. After all, it’s worse if we are talking not about inanimate objects, which, strictly speaking, are created in order to be used, but about the consumer attitude towards people. Victims of this phenomenon, when describing the nature of their sensations, often indicate that they feel like an ordinary thing.
A person who shows a consumer attitude towards people uses others as a resource. At the same time, he does not care about their feelings at all and he has no desire to give anyone anything in return. In cases where the victim begins to realize his situation and understands that everything simply cannot continue like this, it is she who takes the initiative and breaks such a connection.
However, unfortunately, it is not always possible to objectively assess the situation. Sometimes the victim lives with the consumer, suffers, but continues to suffer. Sometimes she worries in silence, sometimes she is indignant out loud, but endures it, not fully realizing her situation.
Examples of a negative phenomenon
There are various relationships. What can they be expressed in? In general, consumption is a process that allows you to fully satisfy your own desires and needs. At the same time, it allows a person to achieve goals using all kinds of means. Judging by the definition, consumerism is a phenomenon that we encounter in one way or another every day in our lives. However, it is not always a problem. Its negative aspects appear only when the interests of a certain person are infringed, at the expense of which a person begins to realize his desires.
If we do not take into account the purely material aspect, then consumer attitudes in society are manifested in the following aspects:
- Often such troubles arise between a woman and a man. At the same time, representatives of the stronger sex use ladies only so that they maintain the comfort of life, satisfy purely physiological needs, are just for show, etc. There are a great many options for such relationships.
- Sometimes the consumers are ladies. They use representatives of the stronger sex for their own material gain, as well as to realize their femininity, etc.
- Another type of consumerism is the sometimes unfair attitude of children towards their parents. Moreover, this phenomenon is quite widespread. Parents sometimes do everything possible to bring their child into the public eye. But in the end, the son or daughter not only does not thank them for their efforts, but also reduces all their efforts to nothing.
- Consumer attitudes towards people can often be found in friendships. Almost every person has probably encountered this type of phenomenon. After all, there are such friends who appear only when they need something - to borrow money, spend the night, etc.
- Consumer relationships also manifest themselves at work. Most often, this phenomenon comes from the authorities. It uses its subordinates, squeezes all the juice out of them, but is not going to pay for it. Or vice versa. A person in a leadership position tries to treat everyone kindly. He respects other people's opinions and interests, but the annoying employee constantly asks to go home early without completing the task, because supposedly his grandmother is sick again.
It is worth keeping in mind that in the case when any of the types of relationships described above towards a person begin to cross all sorts of boundaries, and he feels that he is simply being taken advantage of, this problem must be decisively dealt with.
Consumer attitude towards men
In the case of a patriarchal society, all functions of the head of the family are necessarily assigned to a representative of the stronger sex. At this time, it is believed that a woman should obey the decisions that were made by him. On the one hand, it can be argued that men are given a very privileged position. However, this medal has its other side. Such social roles gradually lead to the fact that the personal traits of the spouses begin to be erased. Each of them finds themselves within the clear framework of patriarchal standards.
In such families, both parties lose. The husband suffers from the fact that he is considered only as a source of income, family well-being and everyday comfort. No one perceives him as a living person with his desires, needs and emotions. Love in such marriages, as a rule, is either absent initially, or rather quickly begins to fade into the background, fading away.
The consumer attitude towards a man gradually leads to his realization that his wife needs him mainly only for material support. It’s simply wonderful when the head of a family is able to pay for a family vacation or give his significant other an expensive item. However, it is not normal if:
- his surprises and presents are taken for granted;
- he never receives anything in return;
- in the absence of an expensive gift, the woman expresses misunderstanding, irritation and expresses resentment;
- Communication with your spouse comes down to only one-sided reproaches with demands like “you must.”
In such a situation, a man should be aware of whether he is ready to tolerate such an attitude towards himself for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that it will be possible to re-educate an adult. And if a wife has a certain scenario of family life in her head since childhood, where on her part only consumerism is expressed, and where there is no mutual respect, support and sympathy, then it is unlikely that her approach to this issue can be changed through quarrels , requests and conversations.
It is worth noting that such a view on relationships is sometimes developed by a woman already in marriage. This happens due to the fact that the spouse is the first to begin to have a consumerist attitude towards his other half. He deprives her of the right to vote in important decisions, and also demands that the wife unconditionally perform “typically feminine” functions, raising children, doing housework, etc. By this he forces his wife to treat him in the same way.
Consumer attitudes towards women
Many husbands sometimes don’t even notice that they themselves are creating relationships in the family that are more similar to slaveholding than to love. Such representatives of the stronger sex do not care at all about their wife’s mood. It doesn’t matter to them how people around them look at their soulmate.
The consumer attitude of a man towards a woman is expressed in the fact that her husband never helps her in solving everyday issues and problems. The main thing for him is order in the house, cooked food and the fact that the mother is raising the children. But all this, they believe, should happen without their participation.
Wives in such families constantly complain about their lives on various forums, go to psychologists, and seek support from friends. They are not satisfied with their husband’s indifference, his detachment and lack of understanding of the current situation. However, conversations directly with the head of the family do not give any positive results. After all, these men have a consumer attitude towards a woman precisely because they do not see her as a person with her own beliefs, desires and habits. For them, the wife is a slave who lives to fulfill his whims. It is usually very difficult for a woman to gain respect and a normal attitude towards herself.
How to explain this consumer attitude? This phenomenon may not always be due to the husband’s high salary or his social status. After all, it often happens that a spouse, who brings significantly less money into the family than his other half, and is less busy with other things, still strives to shift all everyday problems onto the fragile shoulders of his partner. And a similar phenomenon can be observed all the time. Most often, the foundations of such relationships are laid in boys in early childhood. Unfortunately, not all parents can understand in time that their child strives only to receive from life, without giving anything to people in return.
Often a woman does not understand why she was so unlucky with her husband. She is trying to find the answer to the question of what she is doing wrong. But the reason, as a rule, lies precisely in the man. At the same time, psychologists distinguish three personality types of representatives of the strong half of humanity, each of which relates to its other half in its own way. Let's take a closer look at them.
Connoisseur
A man with this type of personality cares about his significant other. He always treats her with tenderness. For such men, it is especially important that their partner always looks one hundred percent.
That is why they have nothing against their beloved striving for perfection. Such women do not focus on household chores, and their spouses tend to take on part of the family worries themselves.
Democrat
A man with this personality type respects his wife’s preferences and tastes. This happens even in cases where he cannot agree with her on a particular issue. A Democrat would never wake up his woman on a day off so she could get up and cook him breakfast. He will wait patiently for her to get out of bed. In addition, this man can cook his own scrambled eggs and sandwiches. In such relationships, partners take care of each other without shifting their responsibilities onto the shoulders of others. Such a man respects a woman and sees her as a person.
Slave owner
Such a man has a developed consumer attitude towards a woman. He is not interested in what his wife looks like or what she is wearing. It is worth noting that sometimes a lady does not care about her appearance. After all, a woman simply does not have time for herself.
Psychologists note that such a consumer attitude of a man cannot lead to anything good. After all, people are happy only when they can make others happy. Otherwise, they will feel mentally drained and unloved.
What to do to prevent your child from growing up as a consumer?
Most parents dream of seeing their child obedient, trying in every possible way to stop his manifestations of initiative. The result of this is childhood infantilism, which persists for many years. In those cases when, at one year of age, children treat their parents, and everyone around them, as a source of benefits, the child should not be blamed for this. At his early stage of development, he simply does not realize where candy and toys come from and at what price adults get them. If a similar situation is repeated in the future, that is, in kindergarten, school and student age, then this is no longer normal.
How to wean a child from a consumerist attitude to life? To do this, parents must leave him space that would allow him to make independent decisions. And let this be still at the minimum level, which is accessible for the appropriate age of the child and is safe for him. Children should be allowed to help their parents. Then the exchange of benefits between them will be bilateral. By doing this, parents will be able to instill in their son or daughter values that are considered more important in society than consumer values. Thanks to such upbringing, children from a very early age will acquire the ability to show gratitude and respect, compassion and help.
Consumerism in friendship
People who are spiritually close always share their emotions, time, actions, and sometimes material values. That is why friendship can be spoken of as a relationship that is based on mutually beneficial exchange. Only in this case will they continue and develop. However, sometimes it happens that an equal exchange between people does not occur. In this case, sooner or later, the giving side will certainly experience exhaustion. She will either have nothing to share, or will lose the desire to do so.
What is the reason for the consumer attitude in friendship? It is based on disrespect for the values and personality of another person. Sometimes a situation arises when a person wants to be friends. However, at the same time he shows inattention to the feelings and thoughts of another. He simply does not pay attention to his reaction to his actions and does not draw any conclusions. For example, he can greatly offend a friend and not notice it.
We consume so many different things: useful and useless, high-quality and low-quality. We strive to gradually increase consumption levels. We are increasingly buying new cars, wardrobe items, jewelry, mobile phones, computer equipment and much more.
The production of new goods is developing at a rapid pace. The frequency of release of new models, brands, brands, and accessories is accelerating. Everything new is presented as the best and highest quality, advertised and promoted with large financial investments.
Through advertising technologies, installation programs are introduced into people’s subconscious minds, which create a desire to purchase the advertised product. There are a huge number of such manipulations, we just got used to them and don’t pay attention, don’t analyze, don’t think.
As a result, the level of consumption grows, and company bank accounts increase - everything goes its own way. But this cannot go on forever, because the planet’s resources are far from limitless.
Modern man is accustomed to being in constant expectation of receiving something new, of high quality. We buy phones, but often, after not using them for even one year, we exchange them for more advanced ones, throwing away the old ones. We crave to receive pleasure from outside, through the acquisition of material things. And thus we begin to destroy our inner selves.
We begin to sacrifice full communication with our own child in order to maintain a profitable job. We begin to envy our neighbors who have a more modern car. And some, in order to keep up with the latest innovations, even go to the extent of breaking the law. The consumerist attitude to life, which is cultivated by modern society, leads to a gradual impoverishment of the soul, a decrease in love in the heart, and degradation.
How to get rid of consumerism
How to recover from consumerism?
In fact, everything is very simple: you just need to remember that the spiritual should always be higher and more important than the material. And remembering, we will see the actions that are necessary to restore what was lost.
These are actions to gradually introduce the spiritual into life: prayer, Holy Scripture, church. This is what our ancestors knew well even before the times of the USSR, but was lost during the years of atheism. There is only one thing left to do - start taking action!
The world is gradually sliding into the abyss of consumerism, and this movement seems so inexorable that it affects even the most sacred and once pure areas of our relationships: love and friendship. The worst thing is that people don't notice it. And consumer relationships between lovers, spouses and friends are considered the norm of life. Finding a successful partner, friend, lover has become almost the main goal of life. But the word “successful” itself is already a sentence for unselfish love, since it contains an unambiguous consumer meaning.“Why do I need a loser, a bungler, an incompetent, I need only a successful and only a lucky friend, partner and loved one. Am I really going to surround myself with people who are of no use, benefit or pleasure to me? No, thank you! Let others deal with simpletons, but I know my worth and don’t eat just anything!” – exclaims our EGO. We think that it is we who think so, but no, it is it that fools us. Because EGO is Mephistopheles inside each of us, who tempts, calls us to pleasures and conveniences and sets us up for a wave of consumption.
Love is immaterial
Meanwhile, love and friendship are not material things. Sometimes people who are truly in love cannot even clearly define why they feel affection and craving for their loved one. Why do they feel good around him, why do they love him? Simply because he exists, exactly as their hearts saw him. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that he will be a successful and lucky handsome man with a tightly stuffed wallet.We often wonder why there are so many disappointments, divorces and unhappy love stories. Yes, all for the same reason. We are looking for a successful partner, not love. And when we find someone who seems to fit the parameters of success: rich, famous, smart, energetic, kind, caring, etc. and so on. - we grab it like a hunter catches its prey, and do not want to let go of us even a single step, thinking that this is our gift from fate. We found what we were looking for, and now only happiness and pleasure await us!
Not so! What is measured and can be weighed, measured and counted has nothing to do with love, it has to do with consumption. And if you make these numbers and indicators of well-being and success into the formulas of your life, then come to terms with the fact that you will not see selfless relationships. You will constantly be in a “you give me, I give you” relationship and swing the pendulum of acquisitions and settlements. Some time will pass, and your freshly successful candidate may quite naturally lose ground. Get sick, get old, lose weight, get fat, lose your business, money, etc. That is, you will lose the indicators that you were guided by when choosing it. And then what? One can only sympathize with him and you.
In a world of consumption
When it comes to business, relationships with unfamiliar strangers, we quite calmly perceive this consumer component. We are already accustomed to paying extra in a cafe, restaurant, hairdresser, hotel. We give extra to doctors and teachers, in the hope that they will be attentive to us and our children. And we forget (just as they forget) that this is, in fact, their job.Living in a world of consumption, we see how materiality penetrates art, literature, and music. The whole world is based on commerce. We are used to this and even actively participate in it. But somewhere deep down we would like there to be some areas free from consumption. We have a faint hope that these are areas of our close relationships: love and friendship.
I can’t particularly please you with anything. Unfortunately, even the initially unselfish relationships between children and parents are today under attack from consumption. Children become the subject of bargaining and manipulation, parents are sent to nursing homes and blackmailed with inheritance.
The biggest risk our soul takes today is to truly fall in love and trust the one you love that he also loves you as unselfishly as you love him.
Unfortunately, in the world of consumption, selfless relationships have no place. There are fewer and fewer people among us who are able to take this risk and who are generally able to love someone other than themselves. So we conclude not marriages, but deals, and for some reason we hope that we will get something more than a transparent “you for me, I for you.” We are waiting for some sacrifices, romantic gestures, selfless acts. Come down to the sinful selling ground, a contract is a contract, get it according to the price list and don’t show off.
Isn't it time to love others?
There was a time when we were called upon to be loved by others. That is, make a name for yourself, present yourself, show, present, love. And so we heeded these tips, and we already love ourselves. Sometimes we even love too much, so much that we are no longer able to see and notice other people around us. No, we have perfectly learned to voice non-existent feelings, we swear our love to strangers right and left, it’s so simple and looks so beautiful in the comments line on our posts on social networks. But we are completely unable to love a specific living person with a lot of shortcomings, that is, different from our individual traits and characteristics, if these traits prevent us from admiring ourselves and violate our personal peace.We try to quickly get rid of them, losers, boring unlikable people, problematic whiners, etc. And we don’t notice that we ourselves are not ideal. And all because self-love is also a manifestation of our EGO, the same Mephistopheles who fools us, accustoming us to life in the world of consumption.
How to save love in a world of consumption?
It’s probably very simple and at the same time difficult, because it requires work on yourself.Learn to see the soul of another person, regardless of the size of his wallet, success, appearance and other measurable parameters. It’s as if you can penetrate the outer shell and feel its inner content.
Learn to think not only about yourself and your interests and needs, but also about the needs and desires of other people. Understand them, share and help them realize their dreams and plans.
By helping others, a person reveals his best traits and awakens his inner spiritual reserves, feelings and motives in other people. Only by penetrating beyond the outer shells are we able to see the real face of another person.
Not participating in consumer relationships means recognizing another person’s human value as equal to you and not seeing in him a way and means of satisfying your interests.
After all, he was not created to become your husband, to make you happy, to provide for you, to build a house for you or to create conditions for a prosperous existence. He is the same valuable unit of the universe for which God has his own plans. He does not exist for you, and you do not exist for him. It is not yours, it does not belong to you. You don’t have to like him or do what you want, imagine, or expect from him. If you understand this in all its depth, then consumption will leave your relationship. Because trust, mutual assistance, respect, acceptance and true love, etc. will dominate in them.
When the closest and most important people begin to irritate, ... this means that in your mind they gradually become things designed to satisfy your desires. They do not have their own desires, aspirations, ideas. Their task is to bring you comfort. This is called “Consumer love”...
To make it clearer what “Consumer Love” is, let’s watch an amazing video. After watching it you will immediately understand what “ consumer love"in everyday life.
Please note that this video shows the first stage of consumer love - this is when the desires and aspirations of both coincide. The second stage is when the time comes and you are asked to help, but this was not part of your plans...
Two types of consumer love
As it turns out, consumer love may be conscious or unconscious.
If the first one is clear. then for the second - not really. And this happens all the time now: young people start close relationships just like that. Well, because these are incredibly amazing sensations and you want to try them quickly, completely forgetting that close relationships are responsibility for another. Moreover, such that quite often you will have to forget about yourself completely, completely caring about someone else. This is true love.
And any close relationship is an easy and incredibly reliable way to become very attached to each other. At the same time, young people do not particularly pay attention to the fact that close relationships, which are not initially built on a serious basis with a future perspective, are definitely temporary. This means that after some time, usually 1.5-2 years, you will have to tear out the attached feelings that have penetrated deeply into your heart, and this is very painful and sad. And it will be even worse for a girl - as a rule, it takes her at least 2-3 years to forget her past lover... But will she even be able to forget him forever? This question arises especially acutely if this is the so-called first love...
"Everything passes...
but not everything is forgotten"
V. E. Mikhaltsev
And this is the saddest thing - this is not only a problem for the girl herself, but also for the next guy she will date and their future family. Will she be able to love him so much and deeply?.. And who will she think about in intimate moments of communication? Will he not remember the past?.. And if this is so, will it be?...
So is it worth spoiling your future family happiness because of some fleeting attraction?..
Restaurant. The photo is illustrative.
In the life of some couples, sometimes there comes a moment when the man sees only “borscht” in a woman, and the woman sees only “wallet” in a man. This attitude towards each other is called consumer. We'll tell you how to notice that sincerity and warmth have disappeared from a relationship, and how to get them back.
Relationships become consumer when one partner sees in the other solely a function that can satisfy some of his needs.
For example, a woman needs a man only to bring money into the house, know how to fix a broken faucet, or distract her from thoughts of unrequited love for another. But a man needs a woman exclusively so that there is comfort at home, or so that he can go out with her and all his friends will be blinded by her beauty and envied.
“In general, in a global sense, consumerism is not so bad. The “offset” type of relationship was formed centuries ago, when the functions of husband and wife were firmly established, explains psychologist Elena Lavrova. - Therefore, physically strong women were taken as wives so that they could give birth to healthy offspring and work well in the field. To a certain extent, this functionality is important and necessary.”
Indeed, if we all love each other only for our trembling souls and no one does anything, this will not lead to good. “But if a loved one turns into a function, then the relationship ceases to be warm, sincere, harmonious and happy,” summarizes Elena Lavrova.
To prevent this from happening, we will tell you by what signs you can recognize that partners treat each other conscientiously.
Sign 1: trading “you - to me, I - to you”
“I’ll pick up the child from kindergarten, and you take out the trash,” “You can go to a bar with friends, but only if I go to a cafe with my friends,” “Buy yourself this droid, but then I’ll go to the spa for the whole day.” .
In the male version: “I’m ready to work all day and make a career if you take good care of the children and keep the house in order,” “I’ll buy you a car if you give birth to a child,” “We’ll go on vacation to the sea only if you lose weight.” "
Of course, having agreements on how the responsibilities of partners in the family are distributed is very useful.
“But if the imaginary list of what a husband or wife should do prevails over the ordinary human attitude towards each other, this indicates that the other person is perceived exclusively as a function,” explains Elena Lavrova.
Sign 2: the requirement “you must/you must”
Every person has an idea of an ideal partner. For example, a woman is one who cooks, cleans, looks good, is sweet, soft, or, conversely, a purposeful careerist. A man is someone who cares, is strong, confident, or, conversely, is sensual and attentive.
And every person expects that these ideas will coincide with reality. But no one is obliged to live up to someone else’s ideals. “As soon as the requirement “you must” appears, this means that a person cannot be accepted for who he is, but is perceived as a thing with a certain functionality that must work properly,” says Elena Lavrova.
If a wife is allergic to dust and cannot clean, but offers to hire a cleaner with her hard-earned money, and the husband is categorically against it, this indicates his consumerist attitude.
Sign 3: dissatisfaction
And, like any consumer who is dissatisfied with the quality of the purchased product, a person is ready to make complaints: “You’re a woman, why are you so rude/sloppy/uneconomical?”, “You’re a man, why aren’t you successful/not confident/not assertive?”
It is clear that there is no limit to perfection, and it is nice if a partner helps you develop. But, you see, a loving person who is afraid of hurting a loved one will choose completely different formulations in order to point out shortcomings and express his wishes.
Sign 4: denial of the interests of another
A typical marker of consumer attitude at the stage when relationships are just starting is the phrase “I’m interested in you and I like you, but I’m not ready for a serious relationship.” Or, “You’re so wonderful, but I just went through a difficult divorce, so I’m not capable of deep feelings yet.”
Many women buy into this. They think - if I’m so good, flexible, he’ll probably change his mind over time. “Behind this phrase there is a meaning: give me more,” Elena Lavrova is sure.
