An unreal brunette in a short black dress, which at the moment barely covers her waist, wriggles in a suspension from the ceiling, expertly tied with ropes. Knots and weaves lie spectacularly on her curved body to the limit, outlining the shoulders, chest, buttocks. Her arms are tied behind her back, her legs are stretched in a vertical split: the right one is tied under the knee and fixed raised up, the left is free. It is impossible for a woman in ordinary life, if she is not a gymnast or a ballerina, to take such an open and unprotected pose. Voluntary witnesses of this erotic scene, including myself, are trying to catch what the girl is feeling - pain, pleasure, fear, anticipating an orgasm? But her head is down, her hair hides her emotions.
The silent pause lasts no more than ten seconds. The tension in the room is so powerful that furniture seems to start to crackle. Only the one who tied her has the right to approach the girl. He, according to the rules of the game (for now I will call this action so), bears full responsibility for it and decides how to proceed further. Stop and turn this sensual performance into a prelude to sex or even tighten the ropes even tighter - and then it will hurt her, just as much as she will allow - the connected party has the right to a stop word, and, as it turned out, it is desirable that it be as sobering as possible (for example, "fishermen!").
Alec Zander (aka Alexander Sokolov) - one of the best shibari masters in the CIS - and his model Tatyana create something transcendent in terms of human capabilities with the help of a rope. The most complex strapping, stretching, suspensions ... If you do not delve into what kind of load Tatyana is experiencing at this moment, you can enjoy the spectacle, it is cooler than the performance of Cirque du Soleil. I wonder how I would feel if I allowed myself to be tied in such a position? Do not know. Possibly excitement. Perhaps aggression - if you do not make allowances for the show effect and objectively look at what is happening, Tanya resembles a doe caught in a trap.
For another second, Alec pushes her hair away from Tatiana's face, lifts her head, kisses her lips, and then slowly runs his hand between her slender legs. Tatiana smiles, lets out a deep groan and looks, it seems, through him, without blinking. In her eyes, I read passion, pain, and pleasure. Later they will explain to me that the girl was in a state of "subspace" - this is the name for a light trance caused by pain (from the pressure of the rope), in which the brain's activity is inhibited, the person loses the sense of time, and a large amount of endorphins are released into the blood. Many long and skillfully practicing shibari connoisseurs of thrills are looking for this very state - as an alternative to orgasm.
Once in the Middle East, in a private club, I happened to watch how the female of the world's largest spider Theraphosa blondi hunts (unfortunately, in captivity), able to easily swallow a medium-sized bird. So, the sweep of her limbs at the moment of the attack chills the blood, but at the same time hypnotizes, and in terms of emotions the scene is very similar to this one. A fallow deer caught in a trap? No, perhaps Tanya is Terafosa Blond.
With these thoughts in mind, I pack my things and leave home from the club, where I spent about six hours studying the technique of tying and knots. It is not customary to start reporting from the end, but in the case of shibari, it is possible: in this art, much is not as obvious as it seems.
A woman with a rope does not need caresses
Actually, I never seriously planned to get carried away with tying. But recently, discussing another topic for an essay, and at the same time the sequel “50 Shades Darker” (a sequel to the film “50 Shades of Gray”), which had just been released, I told sexologist Ekaterina Lyubimova about the statistics that I found from colleagues at Marie Claire Australia. According to polls, 70 percent of Australian women dream of being tied up during sex.
“It doesn't surprise me,” Katya supported the topic. - At my trainings for many years, I heard from almost every second girl that she would like to feel the dominance of her partner over herself. The fantasy of being immobilized is a woman's dream of submission. A well-fixed woman does not need foreplay, and at the same time, her defenselessness excites a man sometimes more than any foreplay. "
It sounded convincing. A day later, I stood on the doorstep of a chamber Moscow shibari club, closed from outsiders, designed for no more than twenty people. Spacious rooms (there are several of them here), people talking in an undertone, soft mats on the floor and a slight twilight - the atmosphere inside reminded me of an elite island spa, with the difference that this space is full of wooden pillars and strong frames under the ceiling, on which dozens are fixed rings with carabiners. Not a single google or yandex card officially indicated that this yellow brick house, built at the beginning of the last century, occasionally gathers people who are fascinated by the philosophy of Japanese tying. Judging by the appearance and the cars parked at the entrance (including those with drivers), everyone who comes here in everyday life can manage a large international company.
There are no special conditions for entering the club. Alec Zander turned out to be a famous "knitting teacher" - at least thirteen years ago he wrote the first manual on shibari in Russian (it's the only one so far). “Come alone,” he told me over the phone. - To learn shibari techniques, a partner is not required, your own body will be enough for you. Dress? Any comfortable. If you want aesthetics, wear a loose skirt. However, we do not faint from lack of clothing either. "
Caution, you can burn yourself
In a cashmere turtleneck and jeans, I take a comfortable observer position. The first part of the training is a theoretical case. “When you compare examples of shibari and European bondage, you get the feeling that the European was in a great hurry to get somewhere,” explains Zander (by the way, shibari in Japanese means “to tie, to tie”). - The rope is somehow coiled, everything looks done on the run between the office and the gym. The Japanese are in no hurry. He is always interested in exactly how he does this or that thing. It doesn't matter if you bind a person in order to perform certain actions on him or in order to straighten his posture - in shibari you do it deliberately. "
The second feature of Japanese technique is that bondage is highly eroticized. The straps are always performed in such a way as to emphasize the sexuality of the model, perhaps to outline her genitals, to push her breasts. Many people mistakenly consider shibari to be an ancient samurai art. I also heard something about it. But I find out that the art of Japanese martial binding is called hojo-jutsu, and shibari only borrowed some techniques from there. In a relationship with a partner, a shibari master exists within the framework of a parent-child relationship, and the parent is certainly kind.
The main tool in shibari is a twisted rope made of natural material (linen or jute). Although you can work with what is convenient and what knots can provide: ropes, laces, bandages, scarves, silk ribbons. The advantages of natural material are undeniable - any weave of such a rope is already a knot in itself, which holds well. Plus, natural rope is more pleasant to the body (try quickly pulling a long synthetic rope through a clenched fist and feel it burn). The most common rope diameter is 6–8 mm. This is a compromise between the convenience of the shibari master and his partner: the thinner the rope, the more painful the model, the thicker the harder it is for the binder's fingers.
Bringing closer more than sex
The first and main "straight knot" (the most reliable, and most importantly - if you pull the rope in the right direction, it is easy to untie) I am offered to tie it on my own leg. Indeed, everything is not so difficult if you catch the direction, but it does not work the first time. “You've got a stupid knot - it can't withstand the load, that's why it's considered dangerous,” Zander explains, and in three counts, I didn't even have time to notice, deftly and confidently ties my legs in several girths.
“Gotcha! Now they will show you what a shibari in a suspension is, ”- my neighbor, experienced in the subject of bondage, a businesswoman from Yekaterinburg, is having fun. We met Svetlana a couple of minutes before the start of classes. She managed to tell that she had come to the club for new knowledge - her husband did not mind, but stayed at home.
“Shibari in suspension is aerobatics, - now Svetlana says seriously. - But sensible beginners do not dare to practice - it is very easy to injure a partner. From a fall due to an ineptly fixed rope to an injury to the radial nerve of the hand (in this case, the hand can be taken away for several months). My husband and I decided for the first time only after a year of training. "
While Zander teaches us to tie the loops, intercept them with a straight knot, tie the knee, chest, thighs and, most importantly, tie our hands correctly (one of the important rules of shibari: while a person's hands are free, the session has not begun), Sveta tells me how tied the woman is actually free. Does this mean that she frees herself from complexes, stops thinking about the figure with its unnecessary folds, real and imaginary flaws? Quite. Indeed, from the point of view of Japanese aesthetics, the standard of beauty does not exist - a man who knits a woman's body looks at the picture as a whole, he does not see any flaws.
“But, most importantly, shibari gives me complete freedom - I disconnect from problems - and unconditional trust in my husband: at this moment I delegate all responsibility for myself to him,” Sveta answers my question. After the session, when everything went well, according to her, she has strong respect for her husband. She realizes that it was not in vain that she chose him as her husband.
“The topic of shibari is often taken up by couples where a woman is in the lead. She earns more or initially higher in social status. For example, I have been supporting my family for ten years now. I am grateful to my husband for being around. We went through three crises, in the process each filed for divorce - we could not understand where the passion went in our bedroom. And we found her. "
An interesting detail: the husband does not allow other men to bind Svetlana. “You have to understand: the rope brings partners closer together, more than sex. A person who has successfully tied you at least once becomes dear, ”she explains, not without pleasure.
Our conversation is of interest to Olga. She came to the training with her husband, and while he is carefully studying the scheme of the next strapping, in which a woman can be fixed in the most open position, I will learn a lot of interesting things about him. Olga and Victor tried shibari a couple of years ago, starting with the simplest poses: hands immobilized behind their backs, ankles fixed at the lower leg ... At some point, the husband got carried away, tying Olga from head to toe. “There was a sea of aesthetics, a sea of eroticism,” she admits. - Under the pressure of the ropes, my skin became numb, it seemed that I was losing sensitivity “outside” and gaining it “inside”. After that we had the best sex in our life - I experienced a very vivid orgasm. "
"Congratulations! Zander claps his hands loudly several times. - It is impossible to teach more for the first time, and it is not necessary. Having worked the skills to automatism, you can easily repeat any harness and pose, since there are many of them on the Internet. You need to knit quickly and confidently. And remember about safety measures. "
Some couples came here not for the basics, but for the practice of "suspension". And while they are engaged in the process, I am trying to figure out if the rope is capable of walking over my skin, replacing a set of foreplay? Do I want to come here not alone? I don't know ... I see the faces of my new acquaintances: they have found and are practicing a rather daring sex therapy - shibari brings them closer together.
Thoughts are confused, and attention is attracted by a curious family tandem - she is a blue-eyed brunette, a beauty of about thirty-five, he looks like Steve Jobs - restrained, smart and with glasses. The wife, lying on her back, laughs loudly: the husband tied her hands, tied her right leg with a rope, fixing it in a suspension. "Dear, what's next?" - the girl is having fun.
“Laughter betrays in this woman a frivolous attitude towards her husband,” Christina, a shibari master and psychologist by training, explains to me in a whisper. - She clearly does not mind being tied up by someone more brutal, such as Alec. This couple has a long way to go ... "
Hearing laughter, Zander approaches the openly flirting woman, silently removes the rope from the wall, collects her hair in a ponytail, wraps it in a knot and fixes her head by the ponytail in a suspension. "Wow!" - the “victim” manages to exhale, closes his eyes and finally stops laughing, giving her husband freedom to improvise.
Will they untie you? Sure?
“Of course, shibari can be used as a prelude to sex - with enough imagination, anything can be used. But he will only say about the essence that one cannot do without, - Zander sneers. - Is it possible to do without sex in shibari? Can. Without affection? Can. Without beauty it is possible, without sensuality - it is also possible. You can't do without a rope. Without the fact that one person makes another helpless. " “If you want an easy sexual play with ropes, if your partner ties you up, he will also untie you when you play enough,” he loudly asks the audience, “right? Unleash? Are you sure? When women tired of work, domineering men, bored couples come to me, I accept them and tie on them what they want - this is my job. But I do shibari with those who are tired of masks, of insincerity. With those who are eager to surrender. "
I understand what Alec is talking about. But I don't want to develop this topic. I'm not interested and uncomfortable. Playing with pain is anti-sex for me. But the aesthetics and beauty of shibari harnesses haunted. The foreplay from tied hands (handcuffs - no; ribbon, handkerchief or rope - yes) and a silk bandage over the eyes excites the mind, perhaps I'm ready to try. In homeopathic doses. And, of course, now in my collection of stories there is a bestseller that can hold the attention of others for as long as it takes. Showing on the laces how the simplest knot is knitted, I sincerely enjoy the understanding that every time I “bind” my interlocutor with stories about shibari. In polite society, they don't talk about the weather, especially when there is a reason to discuss something more interesting.
Female opinion
Sex coach Ekaterina Lyubimova: Contemplation of a tied woman prolongs potency
The female sexual bondage fantasy is the most common reality. In ancient times, a woman needed an alpha male - a cruel warrior, a real predator, hunter, enslaver. The more he could kill enemies, the more likely it seemed that his offspring and his woman would be safe. In fact, the more terrifying and merciless a man was, the more comfortable a woman is with him. They did not start talking about any subtle feelings. Hundreds of centuries have passed, but this instinct has not disappeared anywhere. Only in the modern world, a man does not need to kill a mammoth, and we marry quite decent and, most importantly, good guys. However, instinct tells me: show me your strength, make me feel that you are a beast, that you can be dangerous. When a woman is tied up, due to the feeling of helplessness, any touch of a partner is perceived as a special act of power and becomes additional sexual stimulation. The man seems to be a sexually arousing stranger.
The sensations are further exacerbated if she is wearing a mask or her eyes are tied. The deprivation process heightens the sensation of the skin and heightens the sensitivity to the situation itself.
In classic shibari, the ropes are tied in such a way as to stimulate the nipples, clitoris, vaginal vestibule, and groin areas of a woman. This is truly the art of arousal. For example, there are positions in which it is convenient for a woman to tease and tickle the clitoris, and then vaginally penetrate into the exhausted partner. At the same time, the position guarantees the opportunity to immediately switch to oral sex. In classical shibari, it is believed that even a simple contemplation of a tied woman prolongs male potency for many years.
Position "Female boar"
The man ties his partner's arms and legs separately. The woman lies on her back and puts her wrists as close to her ankles as possible. The man ties his ankle and wrist together. The woman finds herself in a fixed position with her legs apart. From a position on the back, a man can turn a woman into a "doggy style".
Frog position
This is a pose in which the ankles are tied to the thighs in such a way that the woman takes a position similar to that of a crouching frog. The legs of the model are as far apart as possible. The wrists are tied behind the back. The man ties the woman's legs. If in this position the partner puts the model on their back, this will provide him with the deepest penetration. A man can also easily start with irration by taking a woman by the head.
Shibari history
The patriarch of the Japanese tying method is the artist Seiu Ito. At the beginning of the 20th century, he actively drew and photographed "punished women" (in the Japanese interpretation, a tied woman is a punished woman), including his model wife, for which he earned fame and a reputation as a subtle esthete in his homeland.
The Second World War made adjustments: for a long time the Japanese had no time for photographs and ropes. The period of the erotic renaissance began in the 60s and 70s, it is associated with the work of the master shibari (or kinbaku, which is the same) The Siege of Eikichi - he developed techniques, gave lessons and left behind many artifacts in the form of photos and videos, which were successful in Europe and Russia.
The first thing to do is to discuss with your partner how ready he is for the experiment. Agree on which of you will bind and who will act as a model. Second, you shouldn't feel pain while playing. If you feel that your tied hands are very numb and numb, it is better to stop (by the way, remember about the softer accessories for tying). An important component is a mask or tape over the eyes.
Photo: Getty Images, press archives
Images: lensberr
Animal rights activists held an interesting action on one of the trendiest streets in London Regent Street.
Jacqueline Trade, 24, was exposed eye test and force-feeding, thereby imitating the two most popular experiments among vivisectors - Draize test and LD-50. The girl was tied up, her mouth and eyes were fixed in an open position and began. Passers-by clearly did not expect to see something like this.
Most ordinary people are convinced that animal testing is when a rabbit's lips are painted with lipstick. Meanwhile, various experiments bring animals unspeakable and completely unnecessary suffering... Today, there are dozens of different methods, alternative to experiments on animals, already proven effective and an advantage over vivisection.
Many Russian universities have already switched to computer models and other alternatives to animal testing and are not going to return to backward and unethical practices. Every year in the world, 50-100 (!) Million animals... This figure only applies to vertebrates.
“The pink corset accentuates my tiny waist and plump hips. The white cups protrude attractively. I am dressed in amazing clothes ... She leads me into the yard, to a tree, where I am to be tied and hung. Her husband takes his time taking pictures. I am a captive slave girl who stands out for her beauty. I am an untouched virgin who must be taken by force. Everything was trembling between my legs. My ribs and muscles stretched out between heaven and earth, between hell and heaven. "
Veronica Vera.
Description of her initiation into the bondage game.
Washington DC.
V Eronica testified before the Meese Commission on Pornography in defense of sexual bondage. A dark-haired beauty, she somehow resembled the iconic "fetish queen" of the fifties Betty Page, whose photographs were viewed from many walls; prior to that, she had been summoned by the Keefover Commission of Inquiry into Pornography Cases. Ironically (and this is all the more impressive), underground sadomasochistic groups flourished in DC, the main location of the "inquisitors".
The closed society "Black Rose" supposedly has almost half of the various government officials.
According to Michael, he finally understood why women are turned on by bondage after reading Vera's story published in a sex magazine that he bought from a store in Times Square.
- Women like submission Michael assures me. - They love to be tied up, because it deprives them of responsibility, allows them to feel in that subordinate role that corresponds to their nature. I like women. I'm a real romantic guy who always brings a lonely red rose on a date he says, tapping a red bud on a long handle surrounded by a spider web and sealed in plastic with his forefinger, suggestive of a condom.
The flower lies between us on the table, next to my recorder, at the Kramers Books & Afterwards Cafe in Washington. Did he bring this rose as a visual aid for the interview? Or does he think that this second meeting of ours will end with him "up close and personal" introducing me to his favorite sexual game "tie and tease"?
Beads of sweat twitch on his eyebrows. For the eighth day, DC has been in nearly 40C heat, and he's sweating a little half a block from the subway station. He smiles. In the first meeting, we talked about his personal and sexual history, with the exception of bondage. His mother gave birth to him at the age of sixteen and died in a car accident three years later. He was brought up by his grandmother and two aunts. He never knew his father. Perhaps, as an adult, he takes pleasure in tying women, as in childhood he experienced "matriarchy"? He says he was never tied up. Michael doesn't remember if he played Cowboys and Indians, although of course he should have; in those days, on Saturday mornings, there were many half-hours about cowboys: "Lonely Tramp", "King of the Sky" and others.
I ask the waitress to bring our order - cappuccino and ice. Michael casts meaningful glances from the rose to my wrists, eventually looking into my eyes.
- In your mind I tell him.
- Only in fantasies- he corrects. - In my fantasies. You know this movie that women love (I'm sure you do too: I think you are the type), Tie Me Up, it (you've read enough psychology books to know this) is the ultimate female rape fantasy ... She is kidnapped by a man, tied to the bed and makes love to her like no one before him. When she accidentally frees herself, she ties herself back in. Clear?
Who doesn't understand this? A film critic is not needed to explain that this is a film about a "sleeping beauty" who meets a rapist from her dreams.
- Tell me how you first tied a woman- I ask, including the recorder.
Binding - this is an erotic restriction of freedom, a sensory experience of safe captivity, this is the beginning of all discussions about sadomasochism (although some sadists find being bound with ropes too boring, and some masochists can tolerate pain, but not any restriction). Tied women were depicted in drawings that have come down to us from time immemorial, from ancient Japan and China. And in modern Japan, the tradition of tying is flourishing. It is quite understandable that some men find the sight of a helpless tied woman exciting, but what does a woman (or a man) get from such an experience, yearning for non-freedom?
The fetters grip you roughly, making it difficult for you to breathe. They change the way you think about the world; with prolonged acts of binding, they seem to be closer and closer, although physically they do not become tighter. Even a comfortable, soft bond is stressful to the body. Classic pose "Slaves"- hands over head - effective in photographs, but in reality you cannot stay in it for a long time. Pose "Spread eagle" on the bed can lead to muscle cramps. Tying isn't as easy as it sounds.
Although only thin silk scarves can serve as bonds, they return you to the situation of childhood play, when the Indians tied a cowboy to a chair, or when you were holding your breath in a darkened cinema while the hero or heroine was tied by the bad guys to a chair more; they return you to a situation of safe captivity, where you cannot influence what is happening in any way. The binding is the starting point. A tied person gives up power of his own free will.
For many couples, bondage is also the final destination because they never go beyond the usual “bond and tease” in games, in which control of the situation is given to the partner, who becomes responsible for everyone's enjoyment. I myself several times tied my partner to the headboard with his tie or a silk belt from my robe and brought him to orgasm orally; in these cases, I felt like a person preparing a surprise party, and not like a "sovereign".
Once I connected my partner's wrists and ankles, with another scarf I blindfolded him. Then I put on a feather-embellished mask from Mardi Gras and licked his body from nipples to groin, the feathers following the path of my tongue. He could have tried to free himself, but why would he want that? I was also tied up and brought to many orgasms, sometimes the man took his tongue away from me just when the orgasm was about to begin, and made me wait, maybe for some seconds, and then slowly tilted his face towards me again. What we have been practicing is an ancient technique for enhancing orgasm through a prolonged arousal process, a game that almost every sexually uninhibited person has tried at least once. But this erotic change of power is symbolic nonetheless.
One friend of mine says:
- I was dealing with a man who liked to handcuff me to my bed. I let him because he was cunniling all the time I was chained. One night he went to the bathroom and left the bedroom door open; I was seen by his flatmate passing by. I was so embarrassed that I broke up with him later.
And here's what another says:
- We tried these games in college. Once we got drunk and my boyfriend dropped the handcuffs key behind the heating grate. We were caught by my roommate, who was also my cousin. I had to call the campus security. Since then I have played bondage, but never with handcuffs. Only with products that can be cut with scissors.
Like everyone involved in this tranquil form of "restraint" (some call it "love bondage"), neither the girlfriends described above, nor I, have any desire to engage in the "cool" bondage, its extreme forms, sometimes accompanied by spanking, spanking or others. methods of "punishment".
Michael is now forty years old, he got divorced twice due to the fact that his wives stopped arousing him, gaining weight during pregnancy, and then unable to lose it. He is constantly in search of love that would correspond to his "trademark" - rosebuds, in search of perfection. He earns about $ 75,000 a year as a "highly skilled worker." I will confine myself to this vague description of his work at Michael's request so that they may not recognize him. A description of his appearance is unlikely to help recognize him among the thousands of men of his age group living within the Washington city limits: of average height and build. Neatly trimmed light brown hair, graying at the temples, blue eyes, a well-groomed beard interspersed with red and gray hair. He wears barefoot shoes and is dressed in faded and frayed denim shorts and a black T-shirt with rolled up sleeves.
I found Michael through an ad in a sadomasochistic publication. "I am collecting material for the book, looking for people willing to give interviews, anonymity is guaranteed." In addition to Michael, fourteen people responded, eight of them women.
- I am not a proponent of serious tying- he explained over the phone. - I am not a fan of "punishments". No Japanese rope tricks. I can do it, I can and quit. I do this for women. Have you ever read romance novels? They love it when you overcome their resistance. I am an erotic game player. Tying is just a game.
According to the respected professional magazine "Archives of Sexual Behavior", when asked to outline the circle of their sadomasochistic interests, women are much more likely than men to name light spanking, oral sex, masturbation, erotic lingerie and light bondage. Men prefer master-slave relationships, humiliation, anal sex and transvestism more. Both sexes are equally prone to rubber and leather.
"Bondage and Punishment" is what the people of the Scene call the game Michael is playing.
The lover of "Bondage and Punishment", according to their definition, is a person who includes the elements of "Bondage and Punishment" in an erotic game. If you've ever held your partner's wrists by squeezing them together over his or her head, then you've allowed yourself a slight "Bondage and Punishment". The "master" or "master" is the one who imposes restrictions, the "slave" or "subordinate" is the one who experiences them. Having achieved to be tied up, the person can no longer resist or control pleasure and relieves himself of responsibility for sex and the guilt complex. For some, it is enough to be bound to experience a spontaneous orgasm. And for others, orgasm is not at all the main thing: bondage fans believe that there are more acute experiences.
- First time I tied a woman, says Michael, it started with me holding her hands above her head. She was very aggressive - real fire! I don't know why I grabbed her like that, but that made her terribly angry. And it made me horny too.
While he was talking, I remembered one of my former lovers, a Puerto Rican, who liked to wring my arms over my head, whispering words of love in Spanish in my ear, and rubbing the head of my penis on my clitoris. I flinch at the memory. That man was very hot, but I definitely stayed cold from the fact that he dominated me.
- We have done this several times.- continues Michael. - Then I asked her if I could use a silk scarf to tie her wrists to the bed, and she agreed. She did it as if only to please me, but it was not. She wanted it so herself. I watched her reaction carefully - when I held or tied her, she always reacted more violently.
I look at Michael's rose. The spike punctured a tiny hole in the plastic wrap. Now the flower is no longer hermetically sealed.
- From that moment on, my craze for bondage began to slowly develop. he says, following my gaze and lightly touching the thorn with his index finger. - I didn't do that with my next woman because she didn't like being held in her hands. Then I started an affair with one little girl who was really passionate and wanted to experience all sorts of "things". She asked me to spank her, but I didn't really want to, and I said that I would tie her up. It took place at her home. She opened the drawer of the dresser next to the bed. There she was found with police handcuffs, leather wrist and ankle straps, several silk cords of different lengths, a red satin eye patch, and a ball-shaped gag. The ball resembled one of those rough rubber toys that are thrown to dogs to train them. He cooled me somewhat. I asked her to let me tie the scarf over her mouth.
But although she had a lot of toys, in fact, she wanted one thing: to be crucified on the bed, blindfolded, and then sucked and fucked with all her might. Only in this scenario. It seemed to her that every time everything happens differently due to the fact that she did not know whether I wanted to get between her legs with my tongue or a member.
Has he thought about the reason why this "hot babe", a pretty administrator of a cosmetics company, wants to be crucified and deprived of the opportunity to see during sex? No. “She never complained about being mistreated. Her father was a clergyman or something like that, there is nothing so dirty in her background. "
Bored with the limited erotic script?
- No no. I lost interest in her for a variety of reasons. There was no enchantment in it. If you want to get to know a woman, you find that she is not at all what you imagined her to be. It doesn't matter if she's into bondage or not. It's not that "I'm tired of all this because she wants to fuck the same way every time." I could have continued with her further, but there was no use for my abilities.
After her, I met with women who were either not interested in bondage, or they came to him gradually. I, of course, added binding to my experiences with them. And the tighter I tied them, the stronger their sexual response was.
One woman taught me how to tie my breasts. You run the string under the base of your breasts and wrap it around your body and over your shoulders, creating the effect of an open bra. After that, pull the rope around the woman's waist. Thus, the breasts appear larger and the waist is thinner. I can understand why this woman loves this kind of bondage. She never looks better than after this procedure - so feminine.
Who were these women?
- The teacher. Nurse. Business women. The one who taught me to tie the breasts had her own media company, but not here, not in DC. Yes, she informs perfectly! In fact, only the women who are most into bondage can tell me exactly what they want from me. They always say that women cannot say what they want in bed. Perverted women can.
But, you see, I believe, ”he said after a pause (probably for greater significance),“ that all women are perverts. Some only need a little encouragement to stop holding themselves back.
I asked if he would help me meet any of these women. Michael said he would contact them and find me again if they agreed to an interview. In the meantime, he will give me something, namely a copy of a letter from a beauty who loves to tie her breasts, where she describes in detail the fantasies that she would like to carry out with him.
She wants him to tie one end of the rope around her waist and then make a knot. Then she explains how to tighten her ribcage and loop around each breast. By tightening the rope tighter, she can make the breasts swell and protrude forward, thus creating a picture that is aesthetic pleasure. Finally, she gives him instructions on how to pull the rope between her labia and tie the ends on her back. According to her, it should be wrapped as a gift for him.
And with your wives? I ask. - Did you practice binding with them?
- Oh no. I opened it only after the second divorce. Do you think it would help save the marriage?
When we get up to leave, he asks me to take the rose, otherwise he will feel "stupid" if he brings it home. I need to talk to him again, so I wonder if our future conversation will poison the fact that I accept this bud, full of symbolism in his eyes, and refuse. We compromise and leave the flower to the waitress.
Most of the women Michael met used mild restraints, he suggests, to free themselves from feelings of guilt about sex or from responsibility for sex work. If a woman's hands are free, they might expect her to reach orgasm with those same hands, right? She can masturbate herself or bring his hand to places where she needs additional stimulation. An unbound woman is an equal partner in sex. She has no one to reproach but herself if she has not reached orgasm upon contact. Conversely, if her hands are tied, he should "give" her the orgasm she wants.
Ginny, one of Michael's mistresses, who seems to find relief from her sexual responsibility in restraint and bondage, agreed to talk to me.
Ginny came to my house for fear of being overheard in a public place. Slender, red-haired, about thirty years old, she turned out to be taller than Michael. “Sexually,” she did not meet with him for over a year, although they remained friends and occasionally dine together. She is a high school senior teacher.
- Michael released my essence through binding.
I am wondering how it is possible to release someone's "essence" by binding. Isn't that a paradox?
Michael persisted: "If I guess what they are about, then will you tell?" He guessed right, and I opened up. Instead of being indignant at my fantasies, he got excited by them. It was such a relief, because I was expecting complete rejection. One man said that he could not get an erection with me - without clothes, I disappointed him. In his opinion, I am too thin, - she puts her hands on her chest, as if she still feels how his refusal pricked her, - I have too many moles on my body, and my pubic hair should be cut. I will never forget how creepy I felt. I was expecting something like this when I told Michael about my desire to be tied up, but he reacted favorably to what was said and to me.
When I was little, I played tying with another little girl. We basically tied each other to chairs. Once we were in the bathroom. She told me to undress and tied me with towels to the shower bar. I still remember my excitement, my heartbeat echoed in my ears. Then my mother knocked on the bathroom and asked what we were doing there and told me to go out. I always wondered if she knew what was going on there.
A friend untied me, I quickly got dressed, but my heart was out of place for a long time while we played in the room with our dolls.
I told Michael about all this, and during the next meeting he invited me to take a shower together before making love. In the shower, he tied me to the counter with a belt from his terry robe. Then he sent a stream between my legs and left the bathroom for a few minutes. By the time he returned, I was already so aroused that I had an orgasm immediately, as soon as he began to soap and caress me.
It became for me the most relaxed and at the same time tender experience of love. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel freer when I'm tied up. It's so good to be who I really am.
When Ginny and I began our interview, she spoke in a high-pitched, nervous voice. Now she calmed down, her voice sounded an octave lower, acquiring the tones familiar to her, which she uses at school. I wonder if anyone has tied her up after they broke up with Michael.
- No, not yet. But I know what it will be. My orgasms are stronger when I'm tied like this. Michael taught me that there is nothing wrong with these fantasies and their embodiment. When I feel good with a new man, I will tell him what I really want.
What happened between her and Michael?
- He was not ready, like me, for a relationship of commitment. It had nothing to do with tying. Michael simply cannot get out of his head the idea that the most beautiful and perfect woman in the world might be waiting for him around the next corner. He always looks ahead to see if she will appear on the horizon of his life. Michael is a romantic idealist. With a rope.
Ginny sent me a copy of a book called Learning to Handle the Rope: A Basic Guide to Safe S&M Sex Fun; written by Race Bannon. When I opened it, a bright piece of paper fell on the floor, attached to the gift: "Every beginner should read this!" In the section on tying techniques, I read the following tips:
"Never leave someone tied up unattended."
"Never tie your partner by the neck."
“Beware of pulling the rope tight where it restricts the free flow of blood. Be especially careful with your wrists and perineum. "
“When tying the ribcage, ask your partner to take a deep breath and hold your breath before you secure the knots. This way you can be sure that she has enough volume for normal breathing. "
"Leave your mouth or nostrils open."
All this is already quite obvious to me. If you put a rope around someone's throat, wouldn't the game of tying turn into something more akin to violence? Much more I liked the section on how to adapt common household items as tools of sadomasochism. You don't need to get these things from Eloise. For beginners, Bannon suggests starting with a rope, preferably a number 8 braided nylon rope (a quarter inch thick), fifty to one hundred feet long. Why with this one? It is easy to buy at the hardware store, it adheres smoothly to the skin and is easy to cut.
I put the book down and suddenly a memory pops up. Once we were sitting with a colleague over a glass of wine, when he reached for his briefcase to get a book, which I was supposed to read. At the bottom of his leather briefcase, I noticed a coil of rope - braided, nylon, smooth and shiny. I became curious what the rope was doing in his briefcase at this time, but, for some inexplicable reason, I, who usually have little remorse when asking intimate questions, did not ask him about it.
I think now I know how he most likely used it. Or maybe I even know why I didn't ask him about it.
to be continued...
Bondage, or in other words, bondage, is the simplest type of sadomasochism. In French, sexual shackling is called "ligottage" (from the word ligotage - slavery or dependence). Many people think that tying a partner in sex is a very exciting thing, but they are afraid to try. And, by the way, for a man to look at his charming captive causes an extraordinary surge of excitement, and for a woman the inability to move can entail a wonderful experience of getting a gradual orgasm.
How to tie a girl correctly
So, let's take a look at how to properly tie a girl with a minimum of inconvenience and damage.
One of the methods of tying, which is commonly called "brothel", involves tying all of the girl's legs and arms to each leg of the bed. It is best to put one or two pillows under the girl's thighs for more comfort. This type of bondage does not require special dexterity, but for many, such a deployed posture does not allow them to reach the peak of pleasure. For this reason, there are other ways: Spread legs and arms tightly tied behind the back, tying to a post or chair, and so on.
Japanese is very popular sexual bondage method called shibari. The object of shibariya is always young beautiful girls, this practice is very popular in the art of photography. There are 2 types of shibari:
- Karada (a cord in the form of a mesh is tied around the torso);
- Shinju (a cord is tied around the chest, which resembles a bra made of rope).
The main points for tying, due to which increased libido:
- Wrists;
- Elbows (however, do not force them together behind the girl's back, after all, you can break it);
- Ankles;
- Thumbs and toes;
- The soles of the feet.
- How to bind
In terms of the choice of the material that will be used for tying, all lovers of hard and soft BDSM will act according to their taste: elastic bands, leather laces, rags from clothes, soft rope, silk cords - anything will do. Some original subjects may use real-life straitjackets for more ambiance, so everything will do. Someone will use rough chains, shackles or handcuffs, but in this case, of course, you need to make sure that the iron cannot cause infections or allergies on the skin. In addition, rigid clamps will not create the necessary compression, it is very inconvenient to lie on them, and in emergency cases they cannot always be opened quickly. You can even tie the girl up with a plaster or tape, but then it will be completely unpleasant to tear off the adhesive tape from her.
Additional knitting
In addition to tying up the legs, arms, breasts and ribcage, many hardcore sex advocates can blindfold their partner's mouth and eyes. But if a girl's eyes can be blindfolded with any scarf that comes to hand, then you need to be very careful with your mouth. First, you need to take care of the cleanliness of what you plan to put in your captive's mouth. In no case, do not rush to shove between her teeth a rag soaked in pesticides or a rubber ball that has been in an unknown place before. Only practical and clean! Secondly, you should not completely deprive the girl of the opportunity to speak, the girl should always have the opportunity to give a sign if something went wrong. Let it be, for example, a triple knock with a free fist, or moaning or grunting with Morse code, but the symbol should always be there. Also, in no case tie anything around your neck, even if she asks you to. If she so desires, then slightly strangle her with your hand, but there should be no cords on her neck!
If we talk about hanging a tied girl, then only real BDSM masters do it. Correctly fixing your partner, and then also lifting her or some other installation on hooks in such a way that there is no danger to the limbs or organs - this must be learned. Also, for the sake of your own safety, you should not practice such a BDSM method with unfamiliar people or a topic who is drunk. Also, you cannot leave your partner for more than 20 minutes.
If you want to see clearly, how to tie a woman, video showing a master class on how to do this will provide you with such an opportunity.
Alexander Medvedev / Natalia Kravchuk
The middle of the working day, somewhere outside the window the city is swarming casually. I am hanging from the ceiling, tied with a thick rope around my arms and legs, and I hear someone nearby offer me some hot wax or a couple of blows with a whip.
No, I'm not being tortured. I myself asked to do it with me. I try shibari - the Japanese art of bondage, one of the components of BDSM.
What is Shibari
In the famous film Prisoner of the Caucasus, a simple Soviet student Shurik rescues his beloved, an equally simple Soviet student Nina, from the three bandits. In one of the scenes, Shurik tries to free her, tightly bound with ropes. It would seem that this is nothing special. However, some people have already noticed a special meaning in this for a long time. Nina's body is not just chaotically tied - it is neatly girded with ropes and entwined in knots with a pattern that is one of the "classic" for the shibari technique.
Today, many may have heard of shibari from Japanese films. Often this technique is directly associated with BDSM culture and it is assumed that rope "games" do not go anywhere beyond the bedroom. In fact, these are not toys at all, but a serious and unsafe occupation. And in the last couple of years it has been gaining wide popularity in Ukraine.
One of the hypotheses says that shibari originates from the hojo-jutsu technique. In the XV-XVI centuries, it was used to quickly and reliably immobilize the enemy: it was used when escorting prisoners, arresting criminals, and even as torture - knots located at certain points could press on the nerve centers and cause a prisoner especially severe pain.
Later, the technique began to acquire aesthetic meanings. The word "beautiful" gradually came to the fore. It is worth distinguishing between both concepts. Shibari - the purpose of which is to get pleasure without harming the partner. Hojo is a combat technique aimed at effectively immobilizing an opponent. And they don't really care about health there. For this, there is a wide variety of knots, special ropes, dozens of tying methods and individual techniques - depending on who needs to be tied and why.
In the modern world, shibari is already popular far beyond the borders of Japan as an art of aesthetic-erotic bondage and a component of BDSM culture. The main emphasis is on the beauty and complexity of the patterns, as well as on the emotional and bodily sensations of the person being tied.
Shibari is not necessarily a way to diversify the sex life of partners, as it seems to many. This is a practice that has much broader implications. Moreover, hanging is often followed after tying. If you want to experience something like this, it is better to go for it to a specially trained person, but in no case be zealous at home. An important component is trust. Putting yourself in the hands of a person, you need to understand whether he is competent enough in what he does and whether he will not harm. The master who does the bindings is called the rigger. There are a lot of them in Ukraine.
How does this happen
Of course, you will not find an ad with a proposal to tie and hang on every pole. But there are more options than it might seem at first. For example, in Kiev and Kharkov periodically master classes and trainings are held for those who want to learn this skill, parties with demonstration performances, and at the end of this month a two-day festival is even planned for shibari lovers. Half-closed meetings are also held, something like a club of interests - a kind of "circle of macrame lovers", only for the living. Again, getting there "from the street" is not easy. But if you get there, they will happily tie you up and hang you up, tell you, show you and give you new impressions.
As a rule, there is an unspoken rule at such events - do not take photos and videos without the consent of all participants, or so that others do not fall into the frame. BDSM is not about collecting daisies in the field, after all, the reaction of others can be ambiguous. It is also not worth distracting the master and the model from the process.
By the way, about the reaction. Usually those who "passed" perceive the bondage as something very perverse and sophisticated. Therefore, out loud from many you can hear comments like: "Perverts" and "There is nothing more to do." But when I posted a photo from one of these meetings on my facebook, a variety of people began to write in private messages. “Where to try it?”, “Is it expensive?”, “Is it really possible in Kiev? I've been dreaming for a long time ”- that's what they asked. That is, it turned out that there are quite a few people who want to experience one of the popular BDSM practices on their own skin.
After a general meeting in the "hobby club" I "rent" a rigger for a photo shoot in the studio. By the way, not every studio is suitable here either - for hanging it is important that there are hooks in the ceiling. Therefore, a great option is places where they do, for example, fly yoga. We go to the Alpha Gravity School studio - the "alpha gravity" complex, which is practiced there, is also built on exercises in the air.
Rigger Ivan has been practicing tying for two years now. During this time, I managed to learn from masters from Ukraine, Belarus, Russia, France, Germany, Belgium, Italy, and even was lucky to take a couple of lessons from the Japanese Kinbakushi ( in Japanese terminology, masters are called so, from the word Kinbaku - a synonym for shibari. The ending "Shi" (Shi) means in this case a respectful appeal to a professional).
As in any other BDSM practice, during bondage, they must adhere to the principles of Safety, Reasonableness and Voluntariness. They will not do anything to you without your consent, break your bones or deliberately pull you with ropes until you cannot breathe. Therefore, in the process of tying, Ivan periodically asks me questions: are my hands going numb, are the ropes pressing too much, is it convenient for me. This may seem strange to some. But, in fact, a true master is able to tie a partner in completely different ways.
You can make it hard, so that the ropes dig in - for amateurs, you can put the model in the ropes, as if in a hammock, it will be soft and comfortable there, '' says Ivan.
Before practice, he tunes in to the wave of the second person - it is important to feel the mood of the partner, to understand why he came and what sensations he longs for. Then proceeds to linking. He starts at the chest: puts my hands behind my back and throws the ropes. Then he makes a "pattern". They also come in different levels of difficulty.
Someone comes for new emotional states. Some people ask to tie for a photo shoot - in such cases it is more a picture than an emotional practice. Someone just loves to experience pain or feel control over their body, - explains the master.
Feel
One of the sensations that I received during bondage is associated with pain. Nobody said it wouldn't hurt. The whole point is that with the right binding it shouldn't hurt "anyhow". It will hurt - but it's a pleasant and adjustable pain.
While the master pulls the body into the ropes, the skin unaccustomed to such an effect resists. At some moments it seems that the hands folded behind their backs go numb. Pressure in the chest can sometimes make it difficult to breathe. This is where this notorious "hurt" pops up. In fact, it is simply the body's reaction to circumstances that are unfamiliar to it. If you wait and cross your pain threshold, the next sensation that comes is surprise. Because where it just seemed "painful", now it is no longer at all. And my hands don't go numb either. It seems strangely pleasant: to face seemingly pain and immediately overcome it.
When the craftsman finishes tying, he takes out large clinking carabiners and attaches them to the rope corset. Then he stretches the ropes and, with a dexterous movement, lifts him up, hanging his “work of art” in the air, on a special ring under the ceiling. And now, you are already hanging like a fly caught by a spider in a web. Like an animal caught in a trap net. The ropes begin to press again, because the body is not used to being tied and suspended at all. But then this pain also goes away.
Ivan rocks me with a neat movement, and I dangle from side to side. At this moment, there is a complete vacuum in my head. Not a single thought, not a single emotion. Only the feeling of a body rotating, like an astronaut, in some incomprehensible spaces. Then I thought about how to turn off my brains as needed. At this moment, the rigger, as a true creator, enjoys his work. Now he walks away to look at everything from afar, then he gets closer again. Looks into my face, gently fingering the hair on my head, whispering something.
From a distance it may seem that the harness is one-piece, and it takes a long time to untangle it. In fact, all parts can be "assembled" individually. For example, a master can bandage his hands if they are numb, without untiing the rest of the structure. In case the model needs to be freed from the ropes very quickly, the master has scissors. For safety reasons, they take a first-aid kit with them for all sessions.
You never know what he will do to you now: pat you on the head or grab your hair to swing it even more, lower it head down so that his face touches the floor, or pulls the ropes even tighter. Such a carrot-and-stick method - you are completely at the mercy of another person and trust him. And he - then "regrets", then "torments." You may be asked: “Now imagine that I am leaving now. How will you feel? " Get up and get out of sight. In fact, this is an interesting psychological test for reaction. It is different for everyone.
The reaction is completely different. Someone gets excited, someone screams loudly or panics, they can laugh, while others, on the contrary, calm down and calm down. This is how the emotions that have accumulated inside come out, - says Ivan.
By the way, craftsmen can also have different motivations. Someone enjoys working on the smallest details, tying knots and creating beautiful intricacies, while others, on the contrary, enjoy the very process of immobilization. This is how sadistic tendencies are realized more than aesthetic ones.
From another point of view, shibari can even be considered a body-oriented practice aimed at obtaining new, acute bodily sensations, at experiencing unusual emotional states. Those who come precisely for pain sometimes ask to add "colors" to the process: for example, they bring a whip or use wax from burning candles for the acuteness of the sensations.
The master removes from the suspension and loosens the ropes, slowly unwinds them. Traces remain on the skin. They'll be off within an hour. The moment the knots untied and the pressure disappeared, a feeling of exhaustion came over me. It’s like I’ve just gotten back from a good run, did some hard hatha yoga, or did some exercise. Or if I came in the evening after a hard day, during which I ran around the city and carried heavy bags. But this fatigue is pleasant, one in which one even wants to be a little. And the master gives such an opportunity. He can hug, stroke, soothe, or just sit next to him to even out the emotional state of the one who was just in his power. And only lets go when the world returns to square one.
