Men often take the anti-marital monologues of such girls as a kind of coquetry, but they understand that they made a mistake with the conclusions when, in response to an offer to get married, they receive a reinforced concrete “no” from the girls and a wish to remain in the positions of “just dating”.
I only once had a chance to meet a guy whose hand and heart were rejected. Moreover, my close friend was an objector, so I knew for sure: the reason was not that she loved him at all or not enough. I loved it, I just didn't want to get married. Not specifically for him, but in general. And I spent a considerable amount of effort, time and tequila to convey this idea to the young man, who, of course, was offended and frustrated by such non-standard female behavior. Then I formulated the reasons why being in love is important! - a woman may not want to ring with her chosen one. Here, please take a look:
1. She doesn't want to change her life.
As a rule, experienced “bachelors” suffer from this, for whom life, as they say, was successful. The girl is so accustomed to exist on her own and for herself that the mere thought of restructuring everything under the “married” format causes her an attack of the most severe tachycardia. And in this case we are talking about the egoistic unwillingness to transform his(economy/budget/circle of contacts/plans for the future) in general.
2. She is not ready to give up her freedom.
Which, as a rule, rhymes with sexual freedom. The prospect of mating with a single partner before, poetically speaking, the end credits terrifies not only men, but also women. And it's not that, being in the status of "gelfriend", a woman plans or is already jumping on other people's beds. No, the trick is in the illusion that she can hypothetically afford to sleep with someone else besides you, without violating sacred oaths. And the easiest way not to break promises is not to make them.
3. She doesn't want kids
On the one hand, the registry office stamp is not involved in the fertilization of the egg. On the other hand, a marriage without children looks somehow suspicious. And convinced childfree people least of all want to fall under the pressure of shameless Gelendzhik relatives, who, at every convenient and not very opportunity, will be curious, how is it that you are married, but you still haven’t produced children?
4. She does not think of coexistence with you
To love - loves, but understands: you are so different that a joint life (and where without it) is not possible. And even if you dare to try, then the matter will surely end in an internecine war, mutual hostility, the collapse of all dreams and divorce. This is at best. At worst - an article for murder in the heat of passion. And if so, there is nothing to try.
5. She is afraid that the relationship will deteriorate.
As, suppose, her previous Roman_Veka went rotten, it was only necessary to ring. Perhaps - and for sure - the relationship fell apart not at all because of the very fact of being married, but now it is difficult for her to get rid of the superstitious fear that visiting the registry office somehow mystically turns a couple in love into unsatisfied, quarrelsome, having sex every six months and heavily hating each other friend of people. This is not the future she wants for the two of you.
6. She thinks she's not made for family.
It does not matter whether the girl plans to build a career and work 18 hours a day, go with the Greenpeace to the Commander Islands to rescue fur seals, go to a strict regime convent, or go wandering around India. It is important that her plans, lifestyle and thoughts do not fit in with housekeeping, making dumplings and family feasts on calendar holidays. It's just about something else.
7. She's Not Sure You Want It
It happens that a man makes an offer not thoughtfully, thoroughly and with all the paraphernalia - plump on his knees, presenting the ring and receiving the blessing of his parents (well, or at least just with a serious expression on his face), but as if in between times / as a joke / under pressure / on emotions / after ten B-52s or following the example of a best friend. And then the girl begins to be tormented by doubts: did you get excited, and would you like to take your words back? And if nothing convinces the bride of the seriousness of your matrimonial aspirations, then, most likely, she will prefer to refuse the proposal - for your own good.
Guys, in light of all of the above, there is a question. It would be interesting to know how versatile this list is and Are there any specific, purely male reasons not to marry your beloved (!) Girl?
I have been dating a guy for 3 years, in the spring he proposed to me, I agreed, but at the same time I was afraid of it. I'm not sure about him, because we constantly quarrel because of his jealousy, although there were no close reasons and cannot be. I'm not sure that I should marry him, because I'm afraid that family life will go topsy-turvy. Almost all the holidays we pass in the mode of a quarrel because of jealousy. He loves me very much, and on my part, most likely a habit. But I'm very good with him. I'm afraid to end the relationship because I'll hurt him. She agreed to marry, and now I'm giving it back. I just drove the guy by the nose for almost a whole year, fed him breakfast, that later we would legalize the marriage. He made repairs in the house, there is a place to live, but I still can’t. Now don't know what to do? We haven't spoken for a month now.
Valeria, Russia, 25 years old / 09.12.16
Opinions of our experts
Alyona
Valeria, you don't need to play charity when it comes to your personal life. This sacrifice will bring neither benefit nor happiness to anyone. Turning down a guy now, explaining to him right now that you don't want to marry him because you don't love him enough to build a family with him, you will save him from much more disappointment in the future. Imagine that you got married, lived with him for a while, maybe even gave birth to a child from him, and then suddenly met your true love, that person with whom you would feel like one. And what should I say to my husband? That she never loved him and married out of gratitude for his love? Will he appreciate your sacrifice? I doubt. At best, he will curse for the senselessly spent years of living together. So, don't be stupid: if you don't want to marry him, tell him so. Yes, he will be offended now, yes, you will be “bad” for him now. But in fact, this is much better than living badly with an unloved person.
Sergey
Valeria, I personally think that you should not confuse soft with warm. And if you do not feel the desire to get married, then you do not need to do this. So, you did everything right. However, as I think, if you have already taken up the solution of a problem, then it is better to bring it to the end. Judging by what you write, a relationship with a young man is no longer needed. Then why are you dragging on, wasting your strength and nerves, both yours and your boyfriend's, if you perfectly understand that you will part anyway? After all, time, like nerve cells, is not restored. And the more you kill him, the less will be left to find your true man. And you're only making things worse for the guy. Instead of already going through a breakup with you and finding a girlfriend, he lives on the vain hopes that you give. In my opinion, you should already make a decision and end your relationship. And now it's easier to do it. because you haven't spoken in a month. So don't talk anymore. And if a young man suddenly calls, honestly say that love has passed and you will no longer meet. And that's it.
In a modern city, a phenomenon is more and more common: healthy, young girls do not want to get married, do not want to have children. Many argue that in this way the world is going to hell and humanity will eventually degenerate precisely because of such bitches. Others are sure that this is just youth and its selfish desires, and as soon as you meet the same one, you immediately want to get married and have children from him. Well, it just can't be otherwise. It is hard for both of them to understand that beauties who do not want to get married are normal people who, like any person, have the right to their own realization. And to understand why some girls do not want to get married, you need to look deep into the woman's subconscious. We propose to do this with the help of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
What should a young girl do if she doesn't want to get married? How to prove to society that it is normal?
Why do some girls, women do not want to get married and have children? Are there many reasons or are these typical scenarios?
Who and why constantly convinces such women that wanting to get married and have children is the real good?
If our ancestors, who lived some 200-300 years ago, could look into today, then everyone, as one, would note that the world has turned upside down. Moral principles, family foundations, stereotypes of society - everything has changed and is often radically opposite to what it was.
And the biggest change has happened to women. The thinking of a modern girl regarding her old peer has completely changed: now the female half wants incomparably more than before. And one of the most striking upheavals in consciousness is the choice to marry or not. In general, the very idea that in this matter, you can have a choice. Secondly, a woman wants to be realized in society on an equal basis with a man, to work, build a career, achieve achievements not only at home and with children, but also in engineering, marketing, management and even politics.
Each of us on this occasion probably has his own opinion about this behavior of modern women. But in order to truly understand these processes, to the end, it is very interesting to rely not on the personal judgment of one person, but on global knowledge in psychology, namely, on the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. In this case, we will be able to put together a real picture of the world, understand the motivation of people, and therefore find the right answers to our questions.
I do not want to get married - the norm or a problem?
All our actions, desires, words are determined by the vector set, which is given to us from birth. With the course of childhood, the character and type of personality is formed under the influence of upbringing, environment and many other factors. Therefore, despite the fact that we may be vectorially different, in general we do typical things. So, the vast majority of women want to get married. Firstly, they want to belong to a man - "behind a man" they get a feeling of security, comfort. Secondly, after the birth of children, they necessarily receive a maternal instinct from nature, which helps them raise offspring and, in addition, gives a feeling of joy and happiness. Therefore, the desire to marry normal for almost any mature woman.
But, as they say, every rule has its exceptions. And among women there are individuals who are not intended for marriage - these are skin-visual girls. By nature, they do not have a desire to feel like belonging to a man, they do not have a maternal instinct even at the birth of a child. It is they who are in the forefront of those who create the child-free movement, who refuse marriage in favor of a career, who prefer to lead a bachelor life. Today, society is loyal to such behavior, moreover, it is even supported.
Skin-visual are bright beauties, they like to be at parties, in the center of fun and companies. Men always pay attention to them - even if their beautiful wife is walking by. A skin-visual girl really wants to start romances without obligations, beat off guys from others, be beautiful and irresistible, build strong but brief emotional ties. She is a real actress, even if she didn’t manage to play on stage in her life, relationships with men will become a podium for her.
I don't want to get married! I don't want to have children! I do not want and that's it! From one thought about marriage and children, about diapers and monotonous boring evenings, the back grows cold and shudders. They say beauties don't want to get married. And, it's true! I don't want my belly to swell and my chest to be used like a cow's. If I get sick - an abortion without hesitation!
What is normal for some is a problem for others. So, a sound woman in a depressed state of latent depression, absorbed in her thoughts and questions of the universe, unable to live with a man, to be side by side with him every day, is too hard for her psychologically. And on the topic of giving birth to a child who will constantly demand attention to herself, you can’t even talk to her, because in response you can stumble upon a wall of piercing cold.
Why don't I want to get married? - the answer is in the subconscious
In nature, no one owes anything to anyone - nature creates us initially correct. You can’t force yourself to do something to please someone, you can’t go against your desires - it will always result in something unpleasant or bad, more or less suffering. A skin-visual girl cannot become an anal-visual woman, for whom marriage and children are a real pleasure. But sound, anal women should not be guided by skin-visual ones.
The modern world provides great opportunities for every woman to live a developed, happy life - it can be different and one that will bring joy, and not sadness, longing, resentment and depression.
To do the right things, you need to understand yourself very well, your nature, your desires. Only then will it be possible to go through life not blindly, but with eyes wide open. Only in this case, you can enjoy and not feel any remorse when relatives suddenly begin to beg - well, how do you not want to get married? Yes, it can not be - all women want to get married!
If you feel the denial of marriage in yourself, you don’t want to get married, you are tormented by the question of why this is happening, and in general this whole situation has already tortured you, this is a signal: you need to understand yourself, understand your desires. To get started, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with the articles in this library. Following this, we invite you to attend a unique online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, where different scenarios of life are analyzed in all details, one of which is the life of a skin-visual beauty. The first lectures of the training are free of charge, you can sign up for them.
A girl who has a skin-visual bundle of vectors is a born psychologist. She can work in this profession, or she can just listen to an endless number of tearful stories from friends and girlfriends. The natural ability to sympathize is valued by others and attracts to it. But she wants not only to sympathize, but also to help, even with advice, even with action. And you can do this - by starting to understand the psychology of others. For real, not outside. For such knowledge, precise and definite, come to the training.
You can read the results of those who have already completed the training at this link.
See the lectures you can right now- follow this link and watch any video.
And to receive optional literature, a lot of articles about various complex, conflict situations, be sure to subscribe to our newsletter in the form below.
I am 25 years old, met for 2 years with a guy, the relationship was strange, he was pleasant to me as a friend, he helped me in many ways and at one moment confessed his sympathy, I understood that I could not reciprocate and said so. He was upset, said that there was no point in communicating at all then, I burst into tears, I was also hurt at the thought of separation, but now I think it’s because I liked him, as a friend and in many ways was a support. Then I met him myself, and we began to communicate, already more closely. But once a month there came a moment when I realized that I did not want to be with him and did not love him. I told him about it, a scandal, a quarrel, my tears, worries, remorse, in the end, they always converged again.
For the last six months, he began to often tell the website about the wedding, that he wants to marry me, that his mother constantly asks him why he does not introduce me to her. In the end, I broke down and decided that this was a good chance to test our relationship, since they were incomprehensible, I decided that when I got married, everything would change. We decided to get married, I imagined myself in the image of a bride, I thought about what hairstyle I would do and so on, in short, I was happy with all this wedding fuss. But step by step, everything did not turn out the way I wanted, the banquet hall was busy, which I wanted, and a lot of other little things. And I realized that everything, as I want, will no longer work out, I have lost interest in the wedding, moreover, I find out that after the wedding, my fiancé and I will have to go abroad (which I never wanted).
And this month we will live with his family, and his family is not small, although before that such a development of events was not discussed at all, on the contrary, we were looking for an apartment to rent before the wedding and equip everything there. This site totally blew me away. Everything became not interesting to me, as for the wedding, his mother began to infuriate me, who threw all these ideas (such as living with them). Everything began to irritate me, I became aggressive, nervous, I began to cry all day long, I could not do anything, even eat. I understood that I did not love this person, and all these “difficulties” that had arisen and my attitude towards them only spoke about this.
Having told my parents about my fears, I got a negative, dad started yelling at me and said that there would be no cancellation of the wedding, that I would disgrace him, my mother also grabbed her heart without nerves. I told the groom about how I feel, he said that he would not keep it if I did not want it for him, but that I myself should call his mother and report this and so on. It was very hard for me, I could not talk about it with anyone, and just exhausted, I decided to leave everything as it is. I decided that I would get married, and that's it, and then I'll figure it out, the site when no one will put pressure on me because of the money spent and invited guests. For a couple of days things really improved. Now it’s 3 weeks before the wedding and the previous state has returned, I cry all the time, the thoughts that I don’t love the groom were joined by the fact that he began to annoy me.
I can hardly restrain myself, he talks about the honeymoon, makes plans, asks where I want to go, and this topic is so disgusting to me, I answer, barely smiling, but I myself don’t understand what is happening. Everyone around me tells me that this is just a pre-wedding jitters, that I'm a fool and don't understand anything, so that I don't make everyone's brains and sit silently. I don't know what to do, I'm waiting for things to get better, but things only get worse. I'm afraid to imagine what might begin on the wedding day, I'm afraid that I just won't come to the event, so I can't answer for myself now. Please help me figure out what this is? Well, I do not believe that these are ordinary fears before the wedding. Tell me how to talk to my parents about the fact that the site is unbearably painful for me, and that I am at a loss?
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I was standing near the mirror, styling my hair, and suddenly I clearly realized that I no longer want to get married. Not for a specific person, but in general, abstractly - I don’t want to. That I became completely and absolutely self-sufficient, that I don’t need a darling next to me and ... I got scared. As far as I remember, before this stage of complete indifference to the male half for a serious relationship, I went through several stages.
Because you need a strong shoulder and a wide back.
I remember very well the time when I was afraid to be alone to the point of colic. Alone, with a child, what will the neighbors say? What will people say? Well, and other nonsense, other nonsense, which is successfully called public opinion. It seemed to me that my husband is a kind of protection, a shield that covers me from sidelong glances and the status of a “divorced woman”. It was scary to be alone, but what if? ... Well, what if, something, but I have no one to give water to. Now it's funny to remember how many nerves, emotions, years of life went into maintaining the appearance called "average marriage." Yearning. Swamp. Bytovuha. And when serious trials came, the husband did not support, did not close, did not become a shield. And then, slowly but surely, the understanding came that in this life you can only hope for yourself and for God. All other people (not necessarily bad, but they are just people) can let you down. A few more years of throwing between “being and seeming” passed until I put an end to marriage.
It turns out that my eternal dream of getting married to be behind a stone wall is nothing more than a utopia. Only you can become your own wall.
Because love.
To us girls, they just drove all this romantic nonsense into our heads - to live with one person all our lives; find a soul mate; signs of Fate and other romantic nonsense. All this explosive mixture, multiplied by an extremely harsh parental upbringing (at home at 9, no drinking, no smoking, no walking) resulted in the fact that I was always waiting for some mythical, non-existent character called "second half". When marriage didn't work out, Love appeared. That's right, with a capital letter and all in bright colors. But it turned out that love is so difficult, so confusing, so stressful. That in one concept of "love", different people invest completely different concepts. I am kindness, help, devotion, fidelity. And someone completely different. That love is self-sacrifice, it is concessions. That love takes so much strength, time and nerves that now it is not needed for nothing.
And there are no "halves", a woman in itself is a completely finished, "whole" "product". Maybe this understanding comes only in thirty years?
Because…
Men take up a lot of time - stroke, cook, hug, caress, etc. etc. On weekends, you spin like a squirrel in a wheel. His mother. His friends. God. God. God. As a result, you don’t have time to do anything for yourself - there is no time to write a book (baked a cake), no time for a manicure (washed a shirt), then I wanted to read Murakami’s new novel, and his mother came and I began to entertain her ... and so on ad infinitum . And after a divorce, all this is forgotten and only what YOU HAVE DONE FOR YOURSELF remains - a career, books, appearance, a CHILD. Everything else disappears into oblivion. The question is - why the hell did you have to sacrifice your dreams, your time ???
I love being alone. Rather, I have a child, beloved friends, parents, pets, my thoughts, dreams, fantasies, meetings, interviews, television shootings. I want to sign up for yoga, finish painting a picture (started half a year ago), crochet a scarf, damn it, just get some sleep. I have a lot of things to do, and a man just doesn’t fit into this busy schedule ... I like to drink coffee by myself and read a magazine when I have a mask on my face; I like to cook what I and the child eat (ten times less than with a man); I like that my life is not limited to home and kitchen and HIS VIEWS ON MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD. As luck would have it, beautiful, wonderful men began to appear next to me, those whom I had previously been looking for. They are intelligent, kind, well-mannered, nice, they offer a hand and a heart, but I no longer see the point in a serious relationship ... And I never had a frivolous one.
And now, it so happened that I finally became a completely happy person, but only WITHOUT A MAN next to me. Self-sufficiency has become absolute and complete, and this is probably not right???
