About school and teachers.
There are lessons in the school. Vovochka sullenly wanders along the corridor. His
the director notices, approaches him and asks:
- Vovochka, why aren't you in class?
- I don't see the logic!
- And what happened?
- I was sitting in class and accidentally farted. I got kicked out of class
and the whole class was left to sniff. I don't see the logic!
The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the company ...".
Everyone diligently writes, and only Vovochka looks out the window.
- Why don't you write?
- I'm expecting a secretary.
Mom, everyone at school says I'm a liar!
- Vovochka, you don't even go to school!
Vovochka, who would you like to be?
- Lion or tiger!
- Why?
- To be afraid of me.
- Even the teacher?
- Oh no! Nothing will scare our teacher.
Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read War and Peace?
Silence ... One guy starts up, with dumbfounded eyes asks:
- What should I have read?
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!
September 1, 1st grade
The teacher says:
- Children, you came to school. Here you need to sit quietly,
and if you want to ask something - you need to raise your hand.
Vovochka raises his hand ...
- Do you want to ask something, Vovochka?
- No, I'm just checking how the system works.
Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look like a black sheep!
- Yes, well, daughter, you will croak.
At school.
- Children take out pencils and paper. Today we will try to draw a horse, and Natasha Petrova will try not to move!
The teacher says to the student:
- Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
- Do you mean father?
- No, grandfather. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in your homework.
The school principal enters the classroom with a new teacher. Hello:
- Hey, shoelaces!
- Hello, shoe! - the class answers in chorus.
- This sole will teach you algebra.
Vovochka is walking with his dad past the school:
- Son, do you study at this school?
- Yes.
- 20 years ago, I also studied here.
- Now I understand what the director meant when he said that he had not seen such an idiot as me in school for 20 years.
Mom, we wrote at school!!!
- What did you write?
- I do not know! We haven't learned to read yet!
Dad:
- Vovochka where is your diary?
-I gave it to Pavlik for a day
-Why?
- To scare the parents.
Little Vovochka is taking an exam in German, the teacher tells him:
- Well, Vovochka, tell me, how would a frog jump in a swamp in German?
Vovochka thinks and says:
- Ain moment! Der frog on der swamp der slap, der slap, der slap!
The first grader is dragged to school.
He leans all over and shouts:
- Eleven years!!! For what!!???
Tell Vovochka what subject do you like the most in school?
- Dad call.
One boy wrote the word “went” all the time through “o” (vulgar). The teacher made him stay after school and write this word 50 times to remember. The boy did everything as the teacher ordered. Leaving home, he left her a note: “I wrote the word “went” 50 times and went home”
Informatics lesson at school.
The teacher turns the switch
- All the lesson is over!
But we didn't survive! the children scream in horror.
- Okay, save yourself - said the teacher, turning the switch back.
The teacher brings a computer into the classroom. Puts on the table. Asks students:
- One.
With difficulty, the teacher brings a second computer into the classroom.
- Children, how many computers are on the table?
- Two.
Exhausted, the teacher drags a third computer into the classroom.
- Children, now how many computers are on the table?
- Three.
Wiping sweat from her forehead, the teacher whispers:
- And yet, it was somehow easier with apples!
See other topics in this section here -
The school theme is constantly used in jokes. It is worth noting that jokes about school are very funny and evoke pleasant memories in every person. It was in the classroom, at school, that we all witnessed funny situations that can be safely called life. Teachers, tests, losers, homework... Now everything is in the past, but the memory of the school years remains forever.
Undoubtedly, very funny jokes about school are closely related to. Someone, but this student knows how to diversify the educational process with the help of specific and not always childish humor.
The mathematics teacher, looking into the student's notebook, was shocked by the intricate calculations:
- One of us has gone mad, Sidorov!
The next day Sidorov puts an envelope on the table.
- What's in it? the teacher asks.
- Help that I'm not crazy.
School. Very decent. Specialist. With in-depth study. For some time now, the head of the class has noticed that one of the students of the 7th grade is often met right at the school by a smart car with serious men, she (the student) began to dress fashionably like that, all sorts of jewelry, she behaves defiantly, well, in general, it’s clear ... When It became impossible to close one's eyes any longer, so they decided to convene a teachers' council, invited a student... For a long time they explained to her the full depth of her fall, then the head teacher asks:
- Well, now you understand that this is not good? The student answers:
- If I knew that it was so good, I would have started five years ago!
Maria Ivanovna scolds Vasya:
- Petrov, why weren't you at school yesterday?!
My mom washed my pants yesterday.
- So what?
- And I was walking past the house and saw that yours were hanging. I thought you weren't coming.
Do you have higher education? Or even two?
Do your homework with a 4th grade student using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!
English lesson in a village school.
Teacher: "Ivanov, how will the door be in English?"
Ivanov: "Dwear"
Teacher: "What eto da!"
Screaming class.
- Hey, who are you?
- Teacher - Lecturer.
- BUT! So the old goat still quit! We said we'd get it! And we'll get you! Apple cores and chewed paper fly at the teacher. He locks the classroom door.
- Pupils, you do not understand. Lecturer is my last name. And the name is Hannibal.
Mother - to the son of a schoolboy:
- What do you think, if you drank vodka with beer at school, I don’t learn that you smoked?
A teacher comes and sees: small children drink vodka, smoke and play cards. She was outraged:
- Why aren't you at school?
- Yes, what are you? - choked the main kid. - Who goes to school at the age of five?
The principal of the school catches a smoking guy in the toilet:
- Which class?
The guy, releasing smoke rings:
- Bourgeoisie!
The end of May. The teacher at the last class hour of the school year:
- Children, what was the most difficult thing for you at school in the 3rd grade?
- Explain to the saleswoman for whom the vodka is bought!
Geography. - Petya, tell me what you heard about the Panama Canal, the teacher asks. “Nothing, our TV does not catch such a channel.”
Teachers at school complain to each other:
- I have such a stupid class.
- I'm trying to explain the theorem to them, what they don't understand.
- I try for the second time, they are not in the tooth with my foot.
- I’m explaining it for the third time, I already understood it myself, but they still don’t catch up.
Dad, they're calling you to school.
- Why?
- Do you remember I asked you to write an essay for me?
- Well?
The teacher didn't like it very much.
The school burned down. The boy approaches the fireman and asks:
- Uncle, what happened? -
- The school burned down.
In fifteen minutes.
- Uncle, what about the school?
- I told you - burned down!
Fifteen minutes later, the boy approaches the fireman, then breaks down and yells:
- I told you the school burned down!!!
Boy dreamily:
- Oh, I would have listened!
The son comes home from school and says to his father:
- Dad, you are called to school.
- What have you done?
Yes, the glass is broken.
The father went.
A few days later, the son says again:
- Dad, you are called back to school.
- What is it this time?
- Yes, the chemical office blew up.
The father went.
A few days later, the son again says to his father:
- Dad, you are called back to school.
- That's it, I'm not going, I'm tired.
- Well, that's right, there is nothing for you to wander around the ruins.
The teacher asks the student:
Why weren't you at school yesterday?
We have an addition to the family.
- Yes? Brother or sister?
- Not. Mom finally got married.
Dad, can you sign with your eyes closed?
- Yes, why?
- Then sign in my school diary.
A first grader comes to the school supply store. Approaching the seller, asks:
- Aunty, do you have glue for the 1st grade?
- No, boy.
- A notebook in a circle?
- In what other circle? Also no. Behind the citizen speaks angrily.
- Boy, don't fool the seller and don't take people's time. Girl, show me the globe of Russia.
Six-year-old Masha went to school for the first time, gave the first bell. Then she came home and asked:
- Do you have to go to school on Monday?
Exam at school. Literature.
Question: The first female pilot in Russia?
Answer: Baba Yaga!
Lesson in modern school:
- Well, now, children, we are writing comments on “Anna Karenina”. For trolling - immediately count in the diary and "one" on classmates.
The boy, brought up by bloggers, brought the school teacher to hysteria with comments in his diary.
The lesson of atheism at school. The teacher tells the children:
- Children, shout to the sky: "There is no God!"
Everyone is screaming, and the teacher is also screaming. Suddenly she notices that one boy is standing silently.
- Why don't you scream?
- If there is no one there, then why shout? And if there is someone there, then why spoil the relationship?
The director, having come to the school, sees that the railing of the stairs is wrapped with barbed wire. Seeing his surprised look, the school watchman says to him:
- You see, the children took the fashion to ride on the railing. But they move out at such a speed that they can be killed.
- That's a great idea you came up with: now the wire will stop them!
- No, stopping does not stop, but at least it does not allow you to accelerate much.
Those who graduated from school before the 90s can now safely issue diplomas of higher education or even take
Russian Academy of Sciences.
A father is talking to a son who is not doing well in school:
- What do you need to do so that you do not get a deuce?
- It is necessary that the teacher did not call me.
It is necessary to introduce, into the educational process, business lessons for high school students.
- What for?
- And how else to lure them to school!
Two teachers are talking:
- It's just unbearable to work in this school.
- Look here:
- The director's teacher is afraid, the director of the inspector, the inspector, in turn, checks from the Ministry of Education.
- The Ministry of parents is afraid, parents of children.
- But the children in general have lost fear in front of everyone.
Semyon went to such a bad school that he had a high school diploma stabbed on his back.
10 year old girl to mom:
- Mom, if I get pregnant, I won't go to school?
- ?!?
- No, I definitely won’t go, otherwise I’ll get a bad grade, get nervous and lose my child.
Grandma is on the bus, and opposite is a schoolboy. Grandmother sniffs tobacco and sneezes. Pioneer her:
- Be healthy, grandmother!
- Yes, I’m not sick, granddaughters, I sniff tobacco ...
- Yes, you even choke on a grandmother, but at school they teach us to be polite!
High school students have a math test at school. Silence in the classroom. Suddenly the door opens, and a disheveled toddler shouts right from the threshold:
- Guys! Why are you sitting here, they brought beer to our buffet.
The little girl leaves the school. Suddenly, a car stops next to her, and the man sitting behind the wheel says to her:
- Here we go?
- I will not go!
- Come on, let's go, I'll give you candy.
- Not!
- Well, let's go, we'll go to McDonald's with you, huh?
- I said no!
“So what do you want then, after all?”
- Dad, how many times can I tell you not to pick me up at school in a Zaporozhets!
The young parents of their son are escorted to school. New form, ironed collar, flowers. After school, parents can’t wait, they look out the window. After school, the son runs home, throws the briefcase and says:
- Why didn't you tell me right away that this bagpipe is for eleven years?
Lena comes from school (class about the second). She asks her mother:
- Tell me, please, what is an abortion?
The mother almost went crazy: the child is 8 years old, still small, but already knows such words.
- Grow up, then I'll tell you. Where did you hear this word?
- And today at the music lesson we sang a song: "And the waves beat the abortion of the ship ..."
First of September. Mom asks the first grader:
So how was your first day at school?
- First day? Just don't tell me that tomorrow I have to go there again!
A girl comes home after school and says:
- And today we painted mom again!
- Are you painting your mother every day?!
- And the teacher, as soon as she enters the class, immediately yells:
- Why are you sitting down? Draw, your mother!
Dad and son on the evening of September 1:
- Well, what did they teach you at school today?
- Nothing, dad! They said to come back tomorrow.
Two fathers are talking
- Well, how are things with your urchin at school now?
- Already better. But I still go to parent-teacher meetings under a false name.
Drawing lesson at school.
Teacher:
- Where did you see an angel with three wings?
Student:
- Where did you see the angel?
In the elite schools of Moscow and the Moscow region, rods were reintroduced: now the children of the oligarchs can punish the delinquent teacher at any time.
Father to son:
- You're right, I also studied at school with two, so it would be fair if I encourage you the way your grandfather encouraged me ... with a belt.
At school, the teacher says to the students:
- Which one of you finally considers himself a dumbass? Get up.
After a long pause, one student rises:
So you think you're stupid?
- Well, not really, but it's kind of embarrassing that you're standing alone.
3rd grade math teacher
- Children, tell me how much will be 6 * 6?
The children answer in chorus:
- Seventy six!
- Well, what are you talking about, kids! Six times six is thirty-six... well, maybe 37, 38, 39... well, a maximum of 40... but not seventy-six!
In a physical education lesson at school:
- So, boys, which one of you smokes? Honestly! Dont lie! So. .. so you .. and you ... Clear ... So, like this: you and I will smoke, the rest - five laps around the stadium.
Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
- Do you mean father?
- No, grandfather. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in your homework.
Do you like going to school?
- Yes, only these hours between walking are the most disgusting.
The school teacher died of envy after reading the essay of the son of Roman Abramovich "How I spent the summer."
At school:
- Eh, how many checkpoints you need to check! Reluctance! Olegovna, can you help?
- Well, come on...
- So, sit down with your back... Turned away? Well, come on!.. What shall we put in this notebook?
At school:
- What will you be, Petya, when you grow up?
- General.
- So you can be killed in case of war!
- Who?
- Enemies.
"Then I'll be the enemy."
Dictation at school. The teacher dictates:
- The crocodile lay down on the pebbles.
Masha asks:
- Alla Andreevna, with what letter should the word "pebble" be written - with a small or with a capital one?
- Children, who wrote this word with a capital letter ?!
The whole class raises their hands, except for Vasya.
- Get up, Vasya, and explain why you wrote "pebble" with a small letter.
- If she sleeps with a crocodile, then I no longer consider her a person.
Your mother gives you so much money for lunch. And you can’t fool mine, she calls the school cafeteria and finds out how much lunch is.
- Mine also regularly calls and asks: "How much do you have lunch?".
- And how do you always make a fool of her?
- I only cheated once. She asked me for the number of the school cafeteria, and I gave her the phone number of the restaurant.
Father after high school graduation:
- Well, son, you are already an adult and I allow you to smoke!
- Thanks, dad, but it's been two years since I quit.
They say you have the most modern equipment installed at your school?
Yes, there is only one problem...
- Which?
- It is very inconvenient to erase chalk from liquid crystal monitors.
Lesson at school.
Who has read "War and Peace"?
- And what, it was necessary to read it?
- Of course.
- I rewrote it.
A drunken tenth grader comes home at one o'clock in the morning.
Father asks:
- Well, my daughter, how are things at school?
- And it was good at school today, - the daughter answers, - And what will happen there if I didn’t come close to school today?
In elementary school, boys hit beautiful girls over the head with briefcases and then wonder why beautiful girls are stupid.
At school.
- Children, get pencils and paper. Today we will try to draw a horse, and Ksyusha Sobchak will try not to move!
At a Russian language lesson in a Georgian school.
Teacher:
- Gogi, tell me how a male sheep will be in Russian?
Gogi:
- Sheep, teacher!
Teacher:
- You yourself are a sheep. A male sheep is a ram, and a ram is a male donut.
The commission asks the director of a primitive rural school:
- For what reason do all your children say: having come, having gone?
- And who knows, maybe they are so used to it!
Mom, we wrote at school today!
- What did you write?
- I do not know. We haven't learned to read yet!
The son comes from school with a deuce.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!
Well, son, show the diary. What did you bring from school today?
- Yes, there is nothing to show, there is only one deuce.
- Just one?
- Don't worry, dad, I'll bring more tomorrow!
A fifth-grader wakes up in the morning and thinks: "So, I'm already late for school. I have to go home ..."
School director - head teacher:
- Maybe we should open a smoking room at school? After all, children smoke.
- What for? Let them smoke in the wine glass!
Son says to mother:
- I won't go to school anymore.
- Why?
- Yes, well, this school. Again Vasilkov will hit the head with a textbook, Kovalenko will start aiming with a slingshot, and Smirnov will trip. Will not go.
“No, son, you must go to school,” says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school.
Mom, everyone at school teases me with a greedy!
- Well, tell me their names!
- If you give me 5 bucks, I'll tell you all of them!
Two students are talking:
We just wrote an anatomy test. Vanka got a two.
- For what?
- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him when he was counting his ribs.
Pinocchio enters the teacher's room with a stump in his hands:
Did you call your parents to school?
School. Labor lesson.
Teacher:
- Basic safety rule: do not stick your fingers into the socket!
Student:
So they don't get in there.
- And you take the carnations, moron!
The teacher checked school essays. One of them wrote:
"Life experience comes with bastards."
She was about to pick up a pen with red ink to correct the mistake, but suddenly she thought about something of her own and ... decided to leave everything as it was.
I'd like a double whisky, please.
- Girl! It's the school cafeteria!
Oh, sorry, I was thinking. Compote, please.
And I sat at the same school with that girl at the same desk, then we got married, she gave birth to two beautiful children.
- And then what happened?
- Then? And then we were impudently seated, and she went to another.
The father looks at his son's diary.
- Well, what kind of grades do you have, only threes, not a single five and four!
- Dad, so after all, we have an average school!
Mom, everyone at school tells me that I'm distracted, tell me, is it not so?
- Boy, you live in the house opposite.
The student rushes after the lesson along the corridor and almost knocks the headmaster off his feet. He indignantly grabs him by the shoulder and says:
"Now come back and take it easy!" And say hello to me like your father greets his acquaintances!
The student steps back a few steps, waddling - hands in pockets - approaches the director, slaps him on the back so that his glasses almost come off, and yells at the top of his lungs:
- Well, great, old man! Haven't seen you for a hundred years!
Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look like a black sheep!
- Yes, well, daughter, you will croak.
Physics lesson at school. The teacher asks:
- What is horsepower?
- This is the power that a horse with a height of one meter and a weight of one kilogram develops!
- Interesting! And where did you see such a horse?
“And you just don’t see her. It is kept in Paris, in the Chamber of Weights and Measures.
The teacher caught Andryusha smoking and says:
- Come on, let's go to your parents! Brought to my father.
- Your son smoked at Belomor school. The father was indignant:
- Andrei, well, why do you need this "Belomor" - there is your "Opal" on the refrigerator.
September 1. Everyone sits at desks for two people, only Kolya does not have a neighbor.
Inna Valerievna starts a new student and introduces her:
- Meet the guys, this is our new student. Her name is Lena, she will study with us now.
They put her to Kolya. Kolya tells her:
- Len, come to visit me in the evening, my parents are leaving for the country today, my grandmother is in the hospital, my brother is in the army. Kolya bought a cake, flowers, well, you have to please a new girlfriend.
He came home, did his homework, cleaned the apartment, then set the table, put the cake and cups for tea.
The door opens - Lena appears in a school uniform.
- And why did you come in a school dress ?!
- So tomorrow same in school!
When little Dracula did not return home from school, his mother thought: "Probably, they put a stake."
A teacher at school says to a Georgian student:
- Vano, draw an isosceles triangle!
(Vano draws.)
- And now prove that this isosceles triangle!
- I swear by my mother equal-thighs!
The student at the graduation party confesses to the teachers:
- I want to repent before you. All these eleven years I have not prepared for a single test. Remember, I always had such a pencil case lying on my desk, all in Japanese hieroglyphs? This was the cheat sheet. In Japanese.
- How do you know Japanese?
- Every evening instead of doing homework, I taught him. Specially for making cheat sheets.
- Wasn't it easier to learn mathematics, history, literature, chemistry?
- What are you? They are much more difficult!
According to the results of checking school essays on the topic “How did I spend the summer after all,” it was revealed: five robberies, four minor terrorist attacks, and the killer of John F. Kennedy was found.
I go to school - no one ... I go to Vkontakte - oops! My whole class!
Sasha was guilty at school. For this, the director ordered him to paint the windows on the ground floor. Sasha comes and asks:
- Anton Petrovich, do you want to paint the frames too?
It is hard to believe that there is even one person without a sense of humor - another thing if we talk about how subtle it is in some faces. Humor covers all areas of activity of people.
We joke about literally everything. what we see and what is happening to us, we joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations into which we fall.
The main themes of jokes loved by all children are:
- fairy tales and fairy tale characters;
- friends, brothers and sisters;
- school, study;
- animals;
- holidays.
jokes It's an energy boost for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funny jokes are related to children, they will make adults and children laugh to tears. And since the main occupation of children is study, that's all funniest kids jokes related to school, students and teachers. Everyone can cheer up themselves and their friends by enlisting a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:
- children's jokes about school;
- the funniest jokes about Vovochka;
- the latest school jokes.
Children's jokes about school
Parents ask first-graders:
— Well, how do you like the first day? Did you like school?
- The first? Don't tell me I'm going there again tomorrow!
— Sasha, name me at least one transparent object.
"Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!"
After the anatomy lesson.
- Heard that Vitya got a deuce for the control!
- Why?
- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
— Doctor, my child has strabismus.
Is it innate in him?
- No, from cheating.
- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?
- Nine.
- Listen carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much?
- Nine.
- Then it's different! I give you one watermelon, then two and four more watermelons! How?
- Eight!
- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much?
- Nine!
— Yes, why?
— Because I already have one kitten!
- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!
- Well, read what you wrote?
The son complains to his mother:
I don't want to go to school anymore!
- Why?
- Again Vasechkin will trip, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!
“No, son, you need to go to school,” Mom says. - Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are the principal of the school.
- Daddy, and today at school the doctors gave us a vaccination!
“Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?”
No, they didn't catch up with me.
— To make them think that they have a holiday.
— Little Johnny What do you think is the best school?
- Closed!
The teacher asks:
- Children, do you know that all substances tend to expand in heat, and shrink in cold?
- Of course! Vovochka says. Therefore, the winter holidays are shorter than the summer ones.
- Sit down Ivanov, five! Come on diary.
- I forgot it.
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?
- To the detachment of myopic!
“Vovochka, why are you so pale today?”
“My mother washed me yesterday.
Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:
What happened, why so late?
- A bandit attacked me!
- Oh God! And what did he do?
- Took homework...
The girl complains to her parents:
- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? No more strength!
Why didn't he please you? Won briefcase after school helps to carry.
- Yes, I'm tired: I have already accumulated about fifty of them!
The latest school jokes
On the control, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who have noticed spurs. The principal looks into the classroom.
Are you writing a control? Probably, there are a lot of cheaters here.
- No, amateurs are already in the corridor, only professionals are left.
Anatomy teacher:
What teeth are the last to appear in humans?
- Plug-in.
What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?
- Turn!
- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?
— Get a deuce?
- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.
There is a lesson. There is noise and din in the next room, the teacher cannot stand it and goes there. Grabs the most noisy by the ear, leads him to his class. Ten minutes later, the door opens, a student from that office looks into the classroom and quietly says:
“Can we have our teacher back?”
The father asks his son:
- What can I do to stop you getting F's?
"Ask the teacher not to call me!"
The teacher says:
- Everyone be quiet! To be heard as a fly flies!
Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later, Vanya breaks down and asks:
- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let the fly go?
Now let's prove the Pythagorean theorem.
Last student:
- Maybe not? We believe in the word!
Answering a question about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.
I go to school - no one ... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!
In math class:
- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes, if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?
- That is still unknown.
- Why?
“And she always bargains.
A high school student approaches his father:
Dad, they're calling you to school.
— What happened?
— So, a trifle, I broke the window.
The father went. A few days later, the son again:
"Daddy, they're calling you to school.
- What did you do again?
- Yes, the laboratory room was blown up.
The father went.
The son approaches him for the third time:
- Dad, you are again asked to go to school.
“That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!”
- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins ...
The most golden time of any person is the time of studying at school. This includes meeting new people, exploring the world around us, and preparing for a future adult life. Therefore, it is not surprising the appearance of various jokes about the school, students and teachers.
School is a second home
The funny ones don't happen by accident. After all, each class has its own “Vovochka”, its own “fat trust” and “nerd”. Being different from others makes them an object of ridicule from other children. And the teacher, who looks like a scientist, with glasses and a folder under his arm, also becomes the object of jokes. Let's take a closer look at what are the funniest jokes about school.
Children's pranks
In every class there is sure to be someone who likes to play a trick on their classmates or teachers. There are even films that describe very funny jokes about school. Pranks consist of putting buttons on the chair of a teacher or another student, smearing the board with soap, giving a bottle of sparkling water to some classmate, shaking it strongly in advance, and so on. In the first case, for someone it will be very funny, but for someone not so much. In the second case, the teacher will not be able to write anything on the blackboard, in the third case, someone will be covered by a large carbonated wave right on their face. Such a joke is very popular when students tell the teacher that his entire back is white. A teacher who knows how to accept such humor, of course, laughs himself off. Well, if he is not a fan of such jokes, then schoolchildren may get it.
Short funny jokes about school
Jokes can be either long or short. For example, one short expression can make listeners (readers) laugh a lot. Here is some of them:
- The rubber ball was still flying through the window of the director's office, meanwhile the children were already hiding.
- The school year is like pregnancy: nine months long, and toxicosis begins from the second week.
- Studying at school is a sentence to an eleven-year regime without the right to early release. Supervisors are the director and teachers.
- A student comes home from school and joyfully shouts to his mother: “Mom! Today you are lucky - we were asked to read only.
- The teacher told the parents to cut their son's bangs, otherwise she does not know his face.
- School meeting - admission is free, but exit is allowed only for a certain amount.
- Homework done. The mother is hoarse, the son is roaring, and the neighbors have learned the multiplication table.
- Due to the lack of books on anatomy, the Minister of Education approved a hole in the wall of the bathhouse as a subject for study.
Vovochka is the main character of jokes about school
Anyone knows who Vovochka is. This is a typical schoolboy who does not do his homework, does not listen to adults, is a bully, a lazy person and a loser. At the same time, he always has witty answers to the questions of the teacher. Such a character in funny jokes about school for children is very necessary. Thanks to him, children begin to understand how not to be. That is, such jokes about school are instructive.
- The teacher asks Vovochka why he was late. The answer was shocking. The boy said he was attacked and his homework notebooks were stolen.
- To the question about what five years of his life Vovochka considers the happiest, the answer was received: studying in the first grade.
- Vovka received a deuce. The father went to find out why. The teacher says that the boy did not do it himself, but copied from a neighbor on the desk. Indeed, they checked both notebooks. Both answered the first question correctly, and both answered the second question incorrectly. The father is indignant that this is quite possible. The teacher showed the third question, to which the girl answered that she did not know. And Vovochka wrote: "Me too."
Jokes cheer up
In everyday life, there are too many fussy days, various problems. Therefore, it is not surprising that people are drawn to jokes, humorous programs. The subject matter varies. But it is jokes about school, short or long, that are perceived with warmth and nostalgia for school life. Every adult has their own memories of school days.
In addition to the usual jokes, there are jokes about the school in the form of skits. They will cheer up, allow you to relax both soul and body. Let's consider some of them:
- One schoolboy tells another that he doesn't believe the earth is round. Explains it simply: otherwise the sea would have completely splashed.
- At the lesson of the world around, the teacher asks to explain why it snows in winter and not in summer. One of the students says: "If it snowed in the summer, it would melt."
- The Russian language teacher asks the children: I work, you work, she works - what time is it? “Heavy,” one of the guys answers.
- The second grader comes home. Mother takes his diary to check. There she discovers a "deuce". It has been crossed out and corrected to "four". The mother begins to scold the student. And he calmly replies: “The teacher told us that we can, if we wish, correct a bad grade for a good one.”
- The American delegation came to the Russian school to exchange experience. One of them asks: “Do children use computers at school?” “Of course,” the teacher replies. Everyone enters the office. There are six computers on the windowsill. The teacher gives an assignment to Petrov: “Petrov, take two computers and put them on the table. How many computers are left on the windowsill now?”
Exams are a special topic
Exams are the time when the fate of students is decided. Therefore, it is not surprising that jokes about this period also appeared. There are especially many interesting statements about the Unified State. The following selection is about it:
- One student who left the exam asks another: “Were you able to answer all the questions?” He replies no. "What do you hope for then?" The second replied: "Chronic flat feet or poor eyesight."
- Some of the examiners suggested that the exam should have such items as in the program “Become a Millionaire”: help from the hall, call a friend, or 50 to 50. In extreme cases, the opportunity to pick up a certificate.
- About those who do not have an education, now we can say that he is a "victim of the Unified State Examination."
- After a good pass, some need to issue a “Atistat on middle schooling”.
- Children used to be scared by Babai, now from the very first grade they are scared by Egei.
- Every student in the depths of his soul dreams that the one who invented the exam would be killed.
- Baba EGE is a scary character.
- To find out how lucky you are, you need to give answers to the exam at random.
- I wonder what it will be like for the Minister of Health to be treated in a village hospital? Will the Minister of Education be able to pass the exam himself?
- A monkey ran away from one circus and accidentally ended up in the office where they took the exam. Choosing at random the answers, she went to study at Moscow State University.
There is also such a sign when a student taking an exam must be strongly cursed. Supposedly this will help pass it. A joke on this topic: one student passed the exam for a deuce, came home with claims to his parents that they didn’t swear at him very much. They immediately corrected themselves and severely scolded him.
Inscriptions in the diary
In addition to jokes about Little Johnny, about exams, and so on, jokes about school include various inscriptions in students' diaries. Some of them are quite funny and absurd. Below are a few options:
- “For many days now, he has been throwing dead cockroaches at classmates.”
- “There is no diary” (the absurdity was that it was written in the diary itself).
- At a geography lesson, apparently, the child could not remember his address, the teacher made an inscription: "Forgot where he lives."
- “Criticizes the furniture in the English room” (the critic grows up).
- The schoolboy, apparently, had seen enough of thrillers or action films. In his diary there is an inscription: "I convinced my classmates to go down to the bunker."
- "Entering through the window." On this inscription, the student himself wrote below: “Comes out through the wall.” (Probably a fan of The Chronicles of Narnia).
- The girls are no better: “She behaved like a dog and gnawed a bone.”
- "She made eyes for her classmates."
- "Farted on the whole class."
- “I went to the toilet, I came back drunk.” (Someone at school has a cafe instead of a toilet).
- "Brought a bum to a lesson." (Compassionate student).
There are an infinite number of such examples. It is strange that this is all true, and sometimes teachers themselves become the object of ridicule. Take, for example, a teacher of physical education or labor.
"Trudovik" and "athlete"
- On the first of September, all teachers receive a bouquet of flowers, and the Trudovik receives a “Bouquet of Moldova”.
- The athlete commands: “Inhale, exhale! Fu, Anton, you are breathing through the wrong hole again!
- Sportsman: "Who smokes?" Sees three hands raised. “So, we will smoke, and the remaining five laps around the stadium!”.
Afterword
Of course, there are a lot of funny jokes about school (short or long). The reason is that school time is the most wonderful and fun time for everyone without exception. Funny stories happen in every class. They are similar to each other and at the same time different from each other.
School life will always be invented. After all, this is what brings students and teachers together. Without funny stories, the school itself would be boring and monotonous.
Everyone knows the genre of short, sparkling, humorous stories. Here you will find a cool selection of jokes on the school theme. Funny jokes about teachers, students, about the school that we love to tell each other at breaks.
Jokes on the school theme.
At school, the teacher tells the children to stand up for those who think they are fools. Silence hangs, after a while Petechka gets up:
Do you consider yourself not a distant person?
- No, it's just uncomfortable somehow that you're standing alone!
Vovochka comes home:
- I don't know whether to trust our math teacher. Yesterday he said that 10=6+4, and today that 10=7+3.
Teacher:
- Well, what did Mars like?
Student:
- Yes teacher. The 4th planet from the Sun, and its satellites - Phobos and Deimos made me think ...
Teacher:
- You gained knowledge, but remained a fool, so is the chocolate delicious?
4
Teacher:
- Baranov, tell me at least one animal included in the Red Book.
- Puma.
- You would still "Adidas" said!
5
Teacher:
- Little Johnny, if you find two bags, one with intelligence and the other with gold... which one will you choose?
- With gold, of course!
- And I would be wise!
- Well, who is missing something! ...
6
Vovochka was absent from school for three days. On the fourth comes. His teacher asks:
- Vovochka, where were you?
- Yes, you understand, Marya Ivanovna, my grandfather died.
- Oh, Vovochka, what a pity, but what happened?
- You see, my grandfather is old, 70 years old, we live on the 8th floor.
He climbed the stairs and, going into the apartment, lay down to rest. He lay down on the couch, lit a cigarette and fell asleep. The cigarette fell to the floor and started a fire.
- Oh, the grandfather burned down?
- Well no. Neighbors managed to call firefighters, grandfather woke up, saw a fire and jumped out the window...
- Grandpa crashed?
- No. The firefighters managed to pull the tarpaulin and grandfather landed in the very middle, but he bounced back and flew back to the 8th floor...
- Burnt grandfather?
- Grandpa crashed?
- Not. He again fell on the tarpaulin and again springed to the 8th floor.
- Burnt grandfather?
- Not. He jumped out again...
- So Vovochka: what did grandfather die of?
- Yes, the firemen shot him - he got them ...
At the Latvian school, the director wanted to see how the first-graders were doing their classes. Enters the class. There is a math lesson. The teacher looks at the children with a stern look and says loudly in a stern voice:
- Cosine!
- I must have heard, - thought the director. - What is the cosine in the 1st grade?
- Cosine!
- Wow! the director thought. - What is it, now in the 1st grade they study trigonometry ?!
- Cosine!
- What did she do! Cosine yes cosine!
- Valdis Cosine! Stop talking!
The teacher meets a former student:
- Well, what are you doing now?
- Meteorology.
- M-yes-ah-ah ... But he was such an honest, truth-loving boy.
The old teacher died and went to hell. A week later, the Chief Overseer of Hell comes to him and says:
Sorry, there is an error here. You are supposed to be in heaven.
No, I'm sorry, I'm fine here, too, - the teacher replies. - After school, hell seems like heaven to me.
Son says to mother:
I won't go to school anymore.
Yes, well, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
No, son, you must go to school, says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school.
One teacher complains to another:
Well, the class got me stupid. I explain the theorem to them - they do not understand. The second time I explain - they do not understand. I explain it for the third time - I understood it myself, but they still don’t understand ...
The teacher runs to the director in tears:
Ah, this ninth "b" is simply unbearable! Not students - animals, cattle! And one even threatened to rape me! Can you imagine?!
The director gets up and goes to class. Included. Silently he examines the rows of ninth-graders and points his finger at the repeater on the first desk:
This one said? I understand: this time he said - he will do it.
The teacher brings a computer into the classroom. Puts on the table. Asks students:
One-in. With difficulty, the teacher brings a second computer into the classroom.
Children, how many computers are on the table?
Two-a. Exhausted, the teacher drags a third computer into the classroom.
Children, now how many computers are on the table?
Three. Wiping sweat from her forehead, the teacher whispers:
And yet, with apples it was somehow easier!
English lesson. The teacher asks students:
Ivanov, do you speak English?
Sit down 3.
Petrov, do you speak English?
Sit down 3
Sidorov, do you speak English?
Ues, m at tea she, i "m good s peak english.
The teacher asks the students:
Children, tell me, how long will the family be seven? So tell me, Petya.
I can't hear, Ivan Sergeevich. The teacher comes closer to Petya and asks:
How old is a family of seven?
I can't hear, Ivan Sergeevich.
You're lying. Well, let's switch places. Petya comes to the teacher's desk and asks:
Ivan Sergeevich! When will you stop going to my mother?
I'm sorry, what?
When will you stop going to my mother?
You look! And in fact, it is not audible on this desk.
The teacher says to the student:
Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
Do you mean father?
No, grandfather. I want to show him what blunders his son makes in your homework.
Noise coming from a neighboring classroom interferes with the teacher's teaching. He walks in, grabs the head screamer by the ear, and takes him to his classroom. The neighborhood is getting quiet. After a while there is a timid knock on the door.
A student from the next class enters and says:
Ivan Petrovich! Could you bring our teacher back to us?
There is a lesson in Georgian school. The teacher asks:
Guys, tell us about your parents. Who do they work for you? Here you are, Soso, tell me, what is your father's job?
My dad grows oranges, takes them to Russia and makes good money.
And you, Suliko?
My dad sells bay leaves in Russia and makes good money.
Tell me, Illarion.
My dad is an engineer. There was laughter in the class. Then the teacher said:
Children! No need to laugh at someone else's grief
Physics teacher in 7th grade:
We live on one side of the Earth and see one side of the Moon, while Americans live on the other side of the Earth and see the other side of the Moon.
