Question to the psychologist:
I talked with a married man, he is 40 years old, of which 20 years I lived with a woman with whom I have a daughter for 15 years. At first we talked for 5 years without a relationship, then he said that he had long wanted to leave the family and there were earlier attempts, but returned through the child. Now he is ready to change everything radically and finally, that he wants a relationship with me, they say, I'm the only one with whom he wants to be. He left the family, we started a relationship. It was not entirely clear to me how he left, if he continued to go to her, fulfilling her requests: wash the cat, she scratches me, take the cat to the Veterinarian, bring me my phone, I forgot it at home, they also went to the events of their mutual friends together. I was throwing tantrums because I didn’t find out about it from him. My last hysteria was when a friend from another city came to him with his family, he took his daughter, his ex, and went to a restaurant with families to celebrate the meeting. Although he assured me that he could not do otherwise, his friend's wife insisted on a completely different meeting. I told him a lot of nasty things out of resentment. It seemed to me that he had to discuss the moment with a friend and put all the points with the ex. From the outside it seemed to me that he was still with her. Eight months have passed, during this time there were many similar situations where he questioned our relationship, but all the time he said that he was all mine. In the end, he said that he could not bear this brain removal, that we had to part. I asked to give our relationship a second chance, he said that he didn’t want anything yet, life would show what would happen next. A week later, we resumed intimacy, but not a relationship. He wrote and called every night. When we were together, it was like the last time. Then he began to write and call less often. And I realized that he was not ready, he didn’t want, and there would be no second chance. All the time I wanted to prove that I could react differently - not to be hysterical, to listen to him first, this went on for a month. And I decided to end this incomprehensible relationship, where I am in second place. She asked me not to write or call, I need time to get sick. He said that I was the best woman in his life, that he loved only me, it’s a pity that we didn’t work out, he admitted guilt that he didn’t finish something, didn’t work out in our relationship, that he didn’t want to lose me completely, asked to call at least for a week after two or at least a month ... cried ... did not let go ... held tight and cried .... a week passed. I feel bad without him and I know that he feels bad. When parting, they confessed crazy love, we don't want to part, but each of us understood that everything dug up would end if we continued. ... I still don't understand: maybe it was necessary to fight for love? Or the mind is stronger and we realized that nothing would come of it. Maybe you need to wait and let yourself know to start over? After all, two new people will enter into a new relationship ... it hurts and I still want to see him! I want to bring him back into my life at least a little. I'm afraid to take the first step. He won't do it either, I really asked not to call me. She even set the conditions, knowing that with them he would definitely not call: “if you don’t want to start all over again, don’t call! To nothing!" I know that I will not call, but all the time I look at the phone with hope .... how long does it take to finally understand that this is all ?! Until now, it hurts and glimmers Hope. I want to see him right in the chest!
The question is answered by the psychologist Litvinenko Margarita Adolfo.
Hello Anna!
Your purpose is not entirely clear from the letter. And when there is no goal, there is only walking in agony. Your questions are: "Maybe you had to fight for love? Maybe you need to wait and let yourself know to start over? How long does it take to finally understand that this is all?"
I will answer them in order. Fighting for love is, in my opinion, not right, a person must be loved, build relationships, and not hysteria, force, blackmail, beg ...
All the same, he will never put all points with his wife and child, in any case they should communicate, another thing is how close and how often their communication will be. What you learned from others about his meetings with his family speaks of distrust towards you, why could he not openly do this? They lie to those who are afraid to tell the truth, for what reason? From the letter we can conclude that because of the unwillingness to listen to tantrums. "In the end, he said he couldn't bear this brainwash." No one likes a tense relationship, everyone strives for harmony and peace.
You forced yourself to love according to your rules, it did not coincide with his ideas about love.
Love is work, mutual work. A lighted fire must be maintained, and not poured into oil or water.
Regarding the second question, you are right, you need to wait it out, understand what these relationships gave you, maybe self-confidence, care, pleasure, status, etc. It would be nice to work with a psychologist who will help you do this much faster. And when you understand and give it to yourself, maybe your love will go away as unnecessary, or you will realize how to return it. And most importantly, you will become able not only to return love, but also to keep it!
The third question is very individual, one week is enough for someone, someone needs a year, and for someone, life will not be enough. You can cry for the rest of your life and not do anything at the same time. But if you set a goal to understand yourself and give yourself what this relationship gave you, then I assure you that this process will absorb so much that you will stop tearing your sore apart without letting it drag on, and with all enthusiasm plunge into the magical inner world, your inner the world and marvel at its depth. And then you will definitely understand how to build productive relationships or how to get away from the relationship from which you grew up, like out of children's pants. And these will be well-balanced and well thought-out decisions. And when a person understands why he needs something, he will withstand any test.
Hello. I dated a guy for almost 5 years. He's 25 and I'm 24. We don't live together. He is with his parents and I. For all 5 years there have been many quarrels and partings. By himself, he is selfish. And he does everything just the way he wants. Absolutely everywhere. And I realized that he just stopped respecting me, maybe he never did. At the beginning of the relationship, he tried to remake me (that is, he didn’t like something: that I was going somewhere with my friends, he was terribly jealous of me for social networks and the Internet, for training, he swore a lot with me because of this, at the moment, something became as he wanted, but something he did not manage to break in me). At the beginning of our relationship, we saw each other every day, several times a week. at the moment 2-3 times a month. Although we live in the same area (7 minutes on foot) and he has a car. We used to go somewhere, he took me to the cinema, cafes, went to nature, walked. At the moment we meet only at home, sometimes I go to spend the night with him. All requests to take me somewhere are ignored, he answers "I don't want to, that's all." I myself work (my favorite job), I have my own hobbies, I meet with my friends ... And I don’t understand how you can see me living side by side 2-3 times a month. He also works (a lot), he also has his own hobbies (garage, football) and beer in the evenings with friends (for which he finds time), but he doesn’t work for me. leaving to draw his attention to yourself. He always says that he loves, but it turns out only in words, I don't see in actions. Now I am on vacation and I have had time to think well about our relationship. I just started weighing everything for and against, and I see that he absolutely does not respect me, my opinion, my desires. During conversations, he says that he will not make concessions to me. Sometimes, let's say I didn't listen to him and went to spend the night with him all the same (I can't really want attention, warmth, tenderness and sex - all together) although he didn't want me to come , but I did not see any particular reason to refuse me .. and walked. He said that I did not listen to him, but how can I listen to that? He sat down at the computer and sat there until 5 in the morning.
He turned on a loud sound and did not let me sleep, as if he were punishing me .. I understand that I shouldn't have resisted, but I miss .. And there were the last situations that pushed me to think. The last time after we did not see each other for a long time, he again went to drink beer with friends after work, I could not stand it and started shouting at him that he had found time for this, but not at me. that we have not seen each other for a long time. In response, he answers me with mats something like "fuck off, you got me" only with mats. I was so offended by this all .. Why such an attitude towards me. I always treat him well, sometimes I grumble, sometimes tantrums happen (again, due to the fact that he absolutely does not go to a meeting anywhere). And for what I deserve such a "bestial attitude" towards myself. These obscenities ... Conversation in a raised voice, and obscenities are different things .. After this situation, I decided to talk to him seriously. I say that he is very selfish, that he goes too far, that he shows disrespect to me, that I will not tolerate him the bestial attitude is. That he does not make concessions, for the relationship there is nothing at all
does. (You can't even ask him to help in something, she asked to pick up the printer from repair, since he is on the machine, such displeasure on his part. He still took it, but with such difficulty, a trifle, but still unpleasant). He replied that I'm trying to remake him. I ask: is it to come to me more often or what? Said you endure, be patient, you don’t like to go. I explain to him that I do not want to part, that he suits me
and his stubborn character and that's it, but you have to make some concessions to each other. but if everything continues in this spirit, then it is better to leave. I said I’m not trying to force myself to respect, but such a relationship (that we rarely see each other and only calls on the phone and no movements in my direction and for our relationship) that I don’t need it. That he doesn't take care of the relationship at all. I say I will accept any decision of yours, he said that it is better to leave. The last time I returned the relationship, (by the way, he did not really want to return, (he said that there would be all my discontent again, no matter what the reason was (and there are actually three reasons - 1. little attention to me, 2. that I wanted to change what something (to live together, he did not deny getting married, but said that later) 3. the fact that he drinks beer (she did not scold him often grumbled, she just didn’t want him to spoil his body and get used to beer) 4. Constant selfishness on his part (I will only do as I want, in everything) and how can I be satisfied? I insisted that he return, maybe then I made a mistake when I returned it).
But now I don’t know if it’s worth returning again, and if he himself appears, is it worth putting up? And if you put up how to behave then? There are many advantages in him, of course, hard-working, caring (when he wants to), not walking around.
Well, of course, I got used to it for so much time, and I thought that everything could be fixed ... But most likely there is nothing to fix here .. I personally think that you need to take good care of each other and respect each other's interests and opinions. that he has that I have the first .. And the fact that he chose to part, I don't even know what to think now, really there are no feelings left. With self-esteem, everything is fine with me, I have enough male attention, I work, I suit myself in appearance. Am I really wrong in my choice, it turns out he betrays our relationship .. And he just became insolent, seeing how I treat him. Probably thinks I'm not going anywhere. I tried to talk to his mother (she treats me very well) wanted to hear why she behaves this way, she confirms that he has a nasty character. And his own sister generally said that she would not tolerate him ..
We were going to get married in the near future, but marriage will not fix his relationship to me .. He replies that he always has no time, but to mine it is simply reluctance.
It's up to me to decide, but I would like an outside opinion. Thanks in advance.
Oxion01121985
Good afternoon, my name is Alexander. The problem is the following - in love (madly) with a girl, she is from Kiev, I am from Russia. She is 18, I am 32. I am ready for anything, for moving, for taking care of her, and she is full of doubts. She loves me (but more as a person), is afraid of losing and is afraid of responsibility. And at the same time, sometimes he directly says that he sees only me as a life partner. Now we are in different cities. We communicate on Skype. In December, I again go to her for two weeks. I need advice, help - what should we do?
Oxion01121985
I need help in the sense that I do not know - what should I do right?
Oxion01121985, hello! Feels like you are overwhelmed and agitated, perhaps even confused. There is a feeling that you are trying to make a decision now. If so, could you write, between which options do you choose now?
Oxion01121985
Evgeny Mayorov, Nothing keeps me from moving, I'm ready for it. But the problem is that she's not sure of anything. She constantly repeats the same thing - this is a bunch of problems, this is a responsibility that she is not ready to take upon herself, these are her doubts that suddenly she will fall in love with someone else and that's it, and I kind of threw everything for her and she will feel herself guilty, but with all this she often repeats that she sees only me as a future husband, that I am her person in every sense, but she is not in love as a man, but rather as a person.
Ekaterina Krupetskaya, Yes, that's right, I'm very worried, I love her and it's hard for me to imagine that she will disappear from my life. We have known each other for more than a year and a half, I have been in love for a little over a year. I cannot decide what to do - how it will be right - to continue to fight for her, although I am not sure that this will give any results, because during this time she never fell in love with me exactly as a man, or stop tormenting me yourself and her and disappear yourself.
Oxion01121985, let's explore your options?
1.
continue to fight for her
How do you imagine this specifically? What exactly do you need to fight? What to overcome? What steps could you take towards this option? What exactly are you afraid of when you think about these steps? What obstacles, in your opinion, can you face if you act in this direction?
I'm not sure that this will give any results, because during this time she never fell in love with me exactly as a man,
Do I understand correctly that there has not yet been intimacy between you and your beloved? Or do you mean something else in the expression "did not fall in love with me as a man"? Could you tell us more about the history of your acquaintance and the development of your relationship? Did you have opportunities for rapprochement? What do you know about the girl's previous experience? How much time did you spend with her in general, how often were you alone?
stop torturing yourself and her and disappear on your own
When you think about this option, how do you feel? Who is currently taking the initiative in your communication? How much do you feel the interest of the girl in this communication? Have you talked to her about what you would like from the relationship? How does she react to this?
She constantly repeats the same thing - this is a bunch of problems, this is a responsibility that she is not ready to take on herself, these are her doubts that suddenly she will fall in love with someone else and that's it, but I kind of threw everything for her and she will feel guilty
Do I understand correctly that the girl responds in this way to your offer to move to her? Is it possible that not so much time has passed for the girl to make a serious decision that could turn her whole life? Why do you think that it is with this girl that you are ready to tie yourself up for many years? Have you had any previous experience of marriage, long-term relationships? If so, how did it end? If not, how do you think, why?
Oxion01121985
Ekaterina Krupetskaya, 1. First of all, this is a struggle with her doubts, an attempt to convince that even despite the difference in age, all the difficulties that will be associated with my move, we need to try. She is afraid that if nothing works out (suddenly), then it will be so bad for me that she will almost die there) She is afraid of losing me, afraid of hurting, but at the same time she cannot give any guarantees (although I I never ask and never asked, the only thing - I asked to take a chance and trust me, to be faithful, and then we'll see how everything turns out). I am ready to move, I am ready to take risks for her sake, I can only gain love in her face, I have nothing to lose, if everything remains in the current state, I will lose her anyway. Long distance relationships are almost utopian. 2. There was intimacy. We met via the Internet in February 1917, the first couple of months communicated mostly as friends, and then I began to understand that I was falling in love, with her way of thinking, with her voice, with her picture, we dreamed, built some plans, then a guy appeared and she dated him for three weeks (without sex), then it seemed to me that this was the end of it, but it seemed like they somehow survived, they began to communicate again, already without the same passion, but communicated, then I had girls (and on her initiative, she tried to make sure that I was not left alone and did not suffer), but after the new year I ended all relations, in February we had a serious fight, in March we made up and she suddenly announced that she understood everything, understood What a fool it was that I was there all this time, supported, and that she seems to love me. In September, I first came to her, yes, at first, everything turned out not to be what she imagined. My expectations were met (I already fell in love with her real). The first week she kept a little distant, and then Saturday came, which we spent the whole day together, she changed everything. It was good for us, fun and she liked it all. The next night she stayed with me. When I left home, she cried all evening. And now in December I return again for ten days, but even in these couple of months that have passed, she again raised all doubts to the surface. For the most part, I hope that in the ten days that I have, I can convince her to try, take a chance. 3. This option scares me. I feel bad at the mere thought that I will lose her. She also knows this and herself says that she is afraid of losing me, that she will not survive this (figuratively), but at the same time, she is not sure that love for me as a person, affection is enough to eventually fall in love as in guy, into your man. The initiative in communication comes from both, we are drawn to each other. They talked about the relationship, our vision of the future coincides, but her main doubt is whether she needs it all at once and right now, she repeats that she is "only 18, she wants to live a student life, hang out," but at the same time again - she has no idea how it will be without me. But I cannot offer her exclusively friendship. I need more. 4. Yes, that's right. With each such conversation, she first of all starts about the problems associated with this. "How will the parents react? Suddenly I will leave everything here, move, but we will not succeed and what will I do? How will I work in another country, with a different (similar. But not my native) language? How will it all be?" " I agree that not much time has passed, but in order to somehow push her in the direction of trying to build something between us, I have to be there. At a distance, she will most likely start to move away again, temptations, other guys - all this in the end will make her choose not me. I love her, I understand that she is the one. Despite the difference in age, I feel comfortable with her, comfortable, cozy. I have not felt anything like this for any person. Even now, it seems that it physically breaks me from the absence of her next to me. She says the same thing that she needs me, she wants to howl, they say that I'm not around. TE She rushes about, does not understand, does not know how to do the right thing for her. She is afraid of responsibility, but at the same time, she is afraid of losing me. I was not married, the relationship usually ended quickly enough, the maxim lasted 5-6 months. First of all, the reason was in me, I could not fall in love, there was no full return from me.
She is afraid that if nothing works out (suddenly), then it will be so bad for me that she will almost die there)
Well, that is, she is still afraid for herself.
She is afraid of losing me, she is afraid of hurting, but at the same time, she cannot give any guarantees.
Well, this is quite understandable, but who can give guarantees at all?
Although I did not ask them and never asked them, the only thing was that I asked them to take a chance and trust me, to be faithful
Specify what you mean by "being faithful"? And under "take a chance and trust me"?
I am ready to move, I am ready to take risks for her sake, I can only gain love in her face, I have nothing to lose
I would like to clarify with you about "nothing to lose". Could you tell us what you are living now, except for your relationship with this girl: do you have a place to live, work, income, friends, parents, hobbies? Saying "I have nothing to lose", you seem to be hinting that you do not have anything of value in the life that you are leading now, and you can easily give it up and start everything from scratch, in a new place, without work, without housing and without connections. Is it so?
We met via the Internet in February 17th year
You already lived in different places then, do I understand correctly?
the first couple of months communicated mostly as friends
we dreamed, made some plans
Was it all at a distance? In virtual communication?
then a guy appeared and she dated him for three weeks (without sex), then it seemed to me that this was generally the end, but it seemed to somehow survived, began to communicate again, already without the previous passion, but communicated, then I had girls (moreover on her initiative, she was trying to make sure that I was not left alone and did not suffer),
This period you also did not see each other, right?
In September, I first came to her, yes, at first, everything turned out not to be what she imagined. My expectations were met (I already fell in love with her real).
And how did it turn out? Your expectations were met, and her expectations?
The first week she kept a little distant, and then Saturday came, which we spent the whole day together, she changed everything. It was good for us, fun and she liked it all. The next night she stayed with me. When I left home, she cried all evening.
Thus, the real communication between you lasted one week, which she kept aloof, and then you had an intimate relationship once before your departure back. It's like that?
in December I return again for ten days, but even in these couple of months that have passed, she again raised all doubts to the surface.
Why do you write "coming back"? Is your home also where the girl lives? Or do you mean that you are returning to her?
I mostly hope that in the ten days that I have, I can convince her that I should try, take a chance.
Can you try to disclose your risk plan in more detail? What exactly are you planning to do, and how does this relate to the girl's decision?
They talked about relationships, our vision of the future coincides
What is this vision? If possible - specifically, with specific deadlines.
her main doubt is whether she needs it all at once and right now, she repeats that she is "only 18, she wants to live a student life, hang out", but at the same time again - she has no idea how it will be without me
Are you suggesting that she start living together right away? So far it has not been announced what you are proposing. If so, where exactly to live?
With each such conversation, she first of all starts about the problems associated with this. "How will the parents react? Suddenly I will leave everything here, move, but we will not succeed and what will I do? How will I work in another country, with a different (similar. But not my native) language? How will it all be?" "
Now I am even more confused: who, according to your plan, should move? Are you or a girl? What exactly can parents respond to?
in order to somehow push her in the direction of trying to build something between us, I have to be there.
If I understood you correctly, nothing keeps you in the country and the city where you work, and you are ready to start everything from scratch in another place, well, for example, in the place where the girl lives. So what prevents you from doing this without burdening her with unnecessary responsibility for your decision? If you really have nothing to lose, why don't you make this decision yourself, but wait for her approval? Or did I not understand something?
She rushes about, does not understand, does not know how to act correctly.
Can you explain what her ACT is about?
She is afraid of responsibility
And what should she be responsible for? For your move? Why does she think so, and what prevents you from removing this responsibility from her, but taking it upon yourself?
First of all, the reason was in me, I could not fall in love, there was no full return from me.
What has changed, in your opinion?
It is believed that women are more attached to their family than men, that it is women who tend to forgive a lot in the name of preserving family and relationships. But in fact, it happens that the wife wants to leave, despite the years lived together, for children, for a common life.
She announces that she is leaving, and life stops, the world around him collapses. The husband remains among the ruins and does not know what to do, whether to let his wife go or fight for her. What if she announced her decision and is packing up her things or if she has already left?
Letting go ... And then how to live? How to live yourself where you have lived with her for more than one year? How to have breakfast and dinner alone, when you got used to it? What if the wife left with the child, and the husband and father were left alone with the wallpaper painted by the son or daughter's hand and the smell of the baby's crown on the shirt?
There is no need to cut off the wife's phone, write her messages with pleas to return or threats to harm yourself or your wife. This is incredibly annoying and off-putting.
There is also no need to inform parents from any side, friends, neighbors, relatives about her leaving and ask her to influence the wife's decision. If she deems it necessary, she will inform them herself. And a request to solve family problems from an adult man is naive, ridiculous and ridiculous.
And in no case should you turn her children against the mother. Women do not forgive this. And children, by the way, almost always take the position of a mother, so the father's words will only turn the children against him.
All of these actions will deepen the gap between the spouses.
Wife goes nowhere
Such decisions are made spontaneously. Last night or even this morning, she was not going anywhere, behaving as usual. It seems that they did not even swear. And just a few hours later, she picks up things and leaves or even just runs away without things.
The reasons for this demarche can be very different:
- a quarrel with her husband, while not necessarily recent, perhaps this quarrel was last week or even last month, the wife just accumulated negative emotions and overwhelmed her;
- a quarrel with the husband's relatives; often this is the sin of the husband's mothers and sisters - mother-in-law and sister-in-law, who do not hesitate to emphasize the real and imaginary dignity of their son and brother and the insignificance of his chosen one;
- husband's suspicions of treason.
If this is the situation, then the family is practically not in danger. The wife, perhaps, will spend the night with her parents, friend or neighbor, cool down, cry, go over her grievances and come to the conclusion that she acted rashly. She will begin to miss her husband and family life, will decide to return. In this case, the husband's task is to analyze the reasons for his wife's departure and take measures to eliminate such reasons.
If the reason was a personal quarrel, then it is necessary to discuss the reason for this quarrel and find a way to neutralize it.
If the reason was a quarrel between the wife and her husband's relatives, then it is necessary to prioritize once and for all. The family of a married man is his wife and his children. Neither mother, nor father, nor sisters and brothers should interfere in his family life. Sometimes a man is required to take a firm stand and remove his relatives from interfering with his relationship with his wife. If a man is not ready for this, he does not need a wife, but a mother. In such a situation, the best solution would be a divorce. It will be difficult for the wife at first, but to free her from the oppression of her husband's relatives.
If the reason for the wife's momentary departure is her husband's suspicions of infidelity, then he should convince his wife of his loyalty. Even if a relationship with a stranger took place, admitting it is paving the way to divorce.
You should not later blame your wife for her act. She then left in strong emotions, which was partly the fault of the husband himself. It is necessary to admit your mistakes where the majority are obvious only the mistakes of a woman.
The wife prepared the "escape route"
If a wife wants to go to a place prepared in advance, then it is almost impossible to return her. She had already decided everything.
This means that the woman has been preparing for more than one day to leave her family. Each step was difficult for her, but she made up her mind.
Moreover, she prepared morally at first, since it is always difficult for almost every woman to leave her usual place of residence, to leave her husband, whom she loved and took care of. But if she does it, then her decision is firm and balanced, and the reasons for the decision are very, very serious and significant.
In this case, the wife must be released. Nothing will help, no requests, no arguments. No thunderstorms, no gifts, no whole army of friends and family in a support group.
She will leave, settle in a new place, perhaps start the divorce procedure. Emotions will subside and the woman will be ready for a constructive conversation.
At this time, a man can re-meet his wife. He also had time to think over the situation, to understand whether he wants to return his wife, to think over the ways of approaching her.
You need to understand that parting changes the personality, and the outwardly practically unchanged woman is now different in soul and heart.
If during this time the woman has not created a new family, or at least has not entered into a new relationship, her abandoned husband has a chance of reunification.
If a woman is in a new relationship and is happy in them, then the probability of her return to her ex-husband tends to zero.
The wife leaves for another
If the wife wants to go to someone else, then usually the man backs down. In his imagination, a picture of adultery is drawn, overwhelmed by a feeling of jealousy, annoyance, hatred.
Behavior with persecution of the wife, attempts to call her new chosen one "into a man's conversation" usually does not lead to anything good. After a series of showdowns, scandals and fights, the wife will finally be sure that she did the right thing by leaving the family.
If the wife announces that she is leaving for another man, then this can mean one of two things:
- or she really found another man for herself and goes to him,
- or she says this to her husband on purpose, realizing that she will push him away and force her to make her decision to part.
In the first case, a man needs to understand that even if he loves his wife very much and returns her to the family, it will be very difficult for him to live with the thought of her relationship with another. Such families almost always break up a second time, since women, willingly or not, compare their husbands with their lovers, and the comparison does not always turn out to be in favor of the first, and husbands go crazy with jealousy of suspicion, believing that they left for another one time, so it prevents them from leaving again and to another man again?
In the second case, the chances of getting your wife back are high. After all, such a lie shows that a man is not indifferent to her, telling him about a fictional lover, his wife wants to hurt him or make him jealous. This is the clearest example of that very feminine logic, about which many anecdotes have been composed. With this behavior, she is trying to "hit" her husband and tie him to her. As she leaves, she tries to strengthen her marriage.
This is usually done by young or immature psychologically and emotionally women who perceive marriage as a game or a sports competition.
It is difficult to live with them, but many men are attracted by the inconstancy and unpredictability of their wives. They say about such people that they never thought to divorce them, but they wanted to strangle them every day.
The wife wants to leave with the child
If it so happens that the wife wants to leave with the child, then it is necessary to understand what rights the father has. Women often manipulate their children and use them as a punishment for an abandoned husband or as a tool to manipulate him.
The rights of parents are equal, therefore, both mother and father have the same rights to live with their child temporarily or permanently, to communicate with him fully, to participate in his life at his own discretion and discretion, to bring up the child, develop him and educate him.
Neither parent has the right in any way to prevent the second parent from seeing his son or daughter when they both want to, communicating with him, taking him to his place of residence. Such situations can be easily appealed in court. The courts before unambiguously took the side of the mother, practically depriving the father of the opportunity to somehow realize his paternal status. Now the courts are increasingly taking the side of the fathers and in every possible way protect their rights.
But nevertheless, first it is worth solving the matter peacefully, and not turning the child and his life into an object of dispute between two adults who are offended at each other.
The child should not be associated with the ring in which two ex-spouses arrange competitions.
At the same time, if the wife leaves in such conditions where the child is in danger, his life or health, full education and development are threatened, where the child may be subjected to sexual or psychological violence, then the father needs to act immediately and decisively.
Here we are already talking about the fulfillment of the father's duty, which involves the creation of normal living conditions for the child.
Usually women take into account the interests of the child in their plans. But sometimes they are guided only by their own needs.
This happens if a woman is strongly and blindly fond of some man, and in the family she had a very even emotional background. Then passion outweighs mother's love. The new chosen one can treat the child extremely negatively, but this does not stop the mother.
Also, sometimes women become addicted to potent substances, gambling, religion, which also dulls their maternal instinct.
If this happens, the father is obliged to save the child.
