The music stopped, the guests dispersed and the wedding dress found its place in the closet. Now family life begins. When creating a family, a man and a woman enter into marriage with their own ideas about living together, which were largely formed in childhood, in the parental family. Each spouse has his own habits, his own experience, foundations, customs, traditions of the family. Each of the spouses will strive to bring their part to their new family. Time must pass before the newly-made husband and wife learn to compromise, understand and accept each other, with advantages and disadvantages.
Speaking metaphorically, family life resembles sea waves - crises occur at the peak, and periods of calm and adaptation to new changes occur at the recession. Crises in the relationship of spouses occur throughout life. And do not be afraid of them, as they are necessary for the spouses in order for the relationship to be "alive" and develop, helping to build the future and cherish each other. So what is a crisis?
A crisis is an inevitable event in reaching a radically new level of development.
Are there ways out of the crisis?
Yes, definitely. One of which is the transition to a new stage of development and the second is the break in relations. There are also painful exits - in fact, not exits, but Departure from solving real problems or delaying a decision: this is treason, addiction, a serious illness, etc.
Crisis symptoms to sound the alarm:
- One of the partners or both deviate from intimacy. Sexologists believe that discord in sexual life is one of the first signs of a relationship, if not a crisis, then problems.
- The so-called calm before the storm: when the spouses stop swearing at all, but at the same time both communicate and spend time together - each on their own. This is dangerous because the spouses will simply lose interest in each other, and it will be better and more interesting for them to spend time with other people.
- Spouses no longer seek to please each other.
- All issues related to the upbringing of children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches.
- Spouses do not have the same opinion on most issues that are significant to them (relations with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.).
- One of the spouses "withdraws into himself", usually it is the husband. He ceases to participate in solving everyday problems and in general in family life. Often he is immersed in work, constantly delayed, behaves aloof.
- The logical consequence of the previous one is that the wife completely forgets about herself and goes headlong into solving family matters, devotes herself completely to the family and becomes like a draft horse. She works, takes care of the whole life, takes care of her husband and children.
- Husband and wife have little or no understanding of each other's feelings.
- Almost all actions and words of a partner cause irritation.
- One of the spouses believes that he is forced to give in to the desires and opinions of the other all the time.
- There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner.
What is the first crisis?
The first, which psychologists called the crisis of the first year, is associated with a period of mutual "grinding" of the newlyweds. The transition from the candy-bouquet period to living together. According to statistics, about half of all marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly made spouses do not stand the test of "everyday life". Disagreements may relate to the distribution of responsibilities, the unwillingness of partners to change their habits. Inability or unwillingness to establish contact with the partner's parents.
The crisis at the birth of the first child entails the emergence of new roles: now not only husband and wife, but also dad and mom. This difficult period is also known as the crisis of 3 years in a relationship, since after three years a child often already appears in the family.
The period of 7 years is a "new" round of monotony and routine associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. If the routine of the crisis of 3 years of relationship was dispelled by the rallying of the spouses in front of new long-term strategic tasks, then by the age of 7 all these questions no longer attract with novelty and instead of excitement they cause melancholy and disgust. It is not uncommon for spouses to experience disappointment when comparing reality with what it seemed a few years ago in dreams. It begins to seem to the spouses that now the whole life will be the same, they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations. The children have grown up. By the 7-year term, a family is already a large economy and a complex organism: the more people in the family, the more different interweavings, conflicting needs, clashes of interests. A crisis always makes things worse. Therefore, the better the relationship is built, the stronger the emotional intimacy was built and the better it was to learn to negotiate during periods of past disagreements, the easier it is to overcome the crisis, and vice versa.
15-20 years pass, the spouses, having survived the previous difficulties, live, enjoying family life, going with the flow, and here again a new worldly reef. Which can often be aggravated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in the personal and professional spheres, there is a fear of aging ... The next crisis can be conditionally called the "empty nest crisis", this is an important period in the life of the family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main "leading" activity - raising children. They must again learn to live together, pay attention to each other. And women who were exclusively concerned with children and the home need to acquire new life tasks and goals. It is not uncommon during this period for husbands to leave for young mistresses.
How to overcome the crisis of living together?
If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, they respect, appreciate, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding. Do not panic because of the crisis. Many families bypass them without thinking and not suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. The successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor in the effective living of the subsequent stages.
Each crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the old relationship. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses to see not only the negative, but also the valuable that connects and binds them. Meanwhile, parting is rather a consequence of an incorrectly passed crisis.
In order to overcome this critical moment in family life, the willingness of both spouses, mutual desire and, as usual, patience and support will be required.
If one of the spouses considers divorce as a way out, and the other does not agree with this, it is necessary to take a "time out". Perhaps the spouses should leave for a while, relax and think (3-4 days, a week) in order to understand themselves, their feelings, desires and aspirations. Think about it, is everything really so bad, can it really be that all the good that was between you can be crossed out so easily? Try to refresh feelings, emotions, diversify relationships, get rid of dullness and routine. Think about romance, change your hairstyle, style or interior in the apartment, find a new hobby for both of you and do not forget about joint leisure and relaxation. You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is still worth trying to reunite the family.
Another way to deal with a crisis is to contact a family psychologist. Many believe that a heart-to-heart conversation in the kitchen with girlfriends will help to find a solution, but do not forget that girlfriends will give emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem, as their advice comes from the prism of their own life experiences.
Golden Rules to Help You Get Through Relationship Crises Easier:
- Learn to talk about the difficulties and problems that have arisen. It is very important to start a conversation in time, not to turn away from the troubles that have arisen, not to accumulate them, not to remain silent.
- Do not generalize, even if you speak in anger, do not cross the line, which you will later regret.
- Talk about your feelings, experiences, do not make claims (instead of "you always ...", "you are to blame ...", say "I feel ...", "it upsets me when you ...").
- If at least one person is frightened or in strong emotional arousal, the situation can get out of control, in such cases it is not worth exacerbating the situation, wait it out, or you need to contact specialists (family psychologists).
Do not be afraid of a crisis, because this is an indicator of the normal development of relations. And all this information will be useful to those who have already entered into marriage bonds or are just planning to. Think about it and take care of your loved ones!
Almost all couples go through the same stages of life together. Passion, tenderness, boredom, rejection and other “turns” of family relationships are familiar firsthand to everyone who has been married for at least 15 years. And, of course, any married couple goes through many typical crises during their life together. First, it is a crisis of 3, then - 7, later - a crisis of relations for 10 years. Here we will now dwell on the latter in more detail.
What is a 10 year relationship crisis?
A similar crisis, as the name implies, is experienced by couples who have been married for more than 10 years. In such families, as a rule, there are already children, and mutual grinding at the household level took place a long time ago. A feature of the relationship crisis of 10 years is that it is caused and aggravated by a midlife crisis in one or both spouses.
Dissatisfaction with one's own life, the feeling that the family is taking away precious freedom and energy that could be channeled into a business or creative direction, the need to engage in uninteresting but profitable work.
Such thoughts slip through the vast majority of people during a midlife crisis.
Various other difficulties can only aggravate the situation. For example, the appearance of a child, if the family was childless until then, can also provoke the emergence of a crisis in family relations for 10 years.
Changes in the usual way of life lead to it, stress caused by completely new roles for spouses. After all, before the couple lived according to the role scheme "husband - wife", now these roles have also been supplemented by the roles of "mom - dad", which also need to get used to.
The growing up of children and their transitional age can also cause a family crisis. Disagreements between spouses caused by different views on the upbringing of an almost adult person, i.e. their teenage child, often provoke conflict situations.
Paradoxical as it may seem, but the improvement of the financial situation affects relations in the family no less than its deterioration. The husband begins to think that since he began to earn much more than before, then he can demand more from the family, respectively. As a rule, such an improvement in living conditions is associated with constant fatigue of one of the spouses, most often the husband. And, of course, now he has no time for any joint holidays, remembering family dates and other, in his opinion, nonsense. Women, on the other hand, are very sensitive to such things. They are very angry that some business partners, investors and other nonsense, already in her opinion, are more important for a husband than his own wife, the mother of his child.
Signs of a relationship crisis 10 years
Among the main signs of a crisis in family relations for 10 years, the following should be highlighted:
- indifference of spouses towards each other.
It can be both mutual coolness in a relationship, and one-sided. In the event that the fading of feelings occurs in both partners, almost nothing can be done. Unless one of them over time reconsiders his views and begins to act in the direction of resuming the old relationship. But, as a rule, before this happens, many couples simply have time to break up;
- unwillingness to understand each other and make mutual concessions.
Any more or less controversial issue becomes a cause for scandal. Anything can serve as food for him, from raising children or some kind of material difficulties to minor household problems. And if a married couple started repairs during this period in order to somehow renew their feelings in a new environment, then an immense scope of reasons for quarrels and scandals opens up. But, if the spouses do not divorce at the stage of the repair begun, we can assume that the crisis of 10 years has been successfully overcome;
- there are situations when spouses, on the contrary, it seems that they always go towards each other.
What they only do is trample on their own opinion for the sake of the partner’s opinion, and he does not appreciate it at all and does not notice it. This is also one of the varieties of unwillingness to understand each other, only hidden under the mask of feigned altruism;
- almost complete lack of intimacy.
In this case, everything is clear: the spouses cannot see each other, there can be no talk of any sex.
It should be noted that for some families, such crises of 10 years become not only a good test of strength, but also an excellent way to unite and renew feelings. Some spouses look through their fingers at the fact that their halves have someone on the side during this period. Often, of course, almost all of this is indifferent to them. But sometimes they really understand the needs of a loved one for at least some variety and new sensations.
As practice shows, a large number of men who had a mistress during this period return to the family after a while. Some do this because they feel the approaching old age, and the wife is the person who knows perfectly well what he needs. After all, the wife already knows exactly how many spoons of sugar to put in his tea and what pieces to cut the potatoes. For others, the mistress was just a passing fad, and, comparing her with his wife, men make a choice in favor of the latter. Children in this situation also play an important role.
How to overcome the crisis of 10 years?
If you feel that your spouse is starting to cool off on you, and you do not want it, there are several possible options for further developments.
First, try to talk seriously about everything. Without breaking into a scream, without tantrums, and at the same time, without letting your partner scream (which is also very predictable).
Stock up on patience. Even if it seems that everything has already collapsed and nothing can be returned back, remember that everything changes. You are changing, and everything around you is changing.
Naturally, your husband is no longer the same as you loved him. And you are no longer the same as you used to be. Just try to wait and survive this period with the least loss for both of you.
Don't try to keep your spouse with another child. As a rule, this does not work or works, but to a completely insufficient extent. Yes, the spouse can stay with you for some more time, but there is no guarantee that at least a glimpse of past feelings will return to him. After all, he has not yet completely forgotten what problems and difficulties the upbringing of young children involves in order to once again experience this during his own crisis.
We must not forget that each of the spouses should have their own personal living space. A place where he can be alone with his thoughts and feelings. If there is no such space, then this may be another factor in favor of breaking off relations. Because if it was not possible to create a place to relax in your own home, then it must be created somewhere on the side.
One of the most effective ways to overcome the crisis of 10 years is the desire to go beyond the established, stereotypical behavior. Don't be afraid to look stupid in front of your spouse if you ask him to take you to ballroom dancing or horseback riding. Yes, he will most likely begin to deny and demand that you do not pester him with such nonsense. Try to convince him that in order to maintain your relationship and bring at least some variety to your life, such events are simply necessary.
By the way, sex toys and an attempt to bring novelty into your sex life can also be the first step towards overcoming the crisis of 10 years.
If you absolutely cannot find any common ground with your partner, try contacting a family psychologist. Believe me, qualified outside help never hurts. And do not think that some stranger will delve into your personal affairs. This "outsider" will try to save your family by pointing out possible mistakes and allowing you to correct them in time before they develop into something more fatal for your family relationships.
Author of the article “Relationship Crisis 10 Years”
Creating a new family is a serious and responsible step. Yesterday's romantic emotions are moving into the phase of adult relationships. People, having decided to go through life together, do not always suspect what family life is. Turning points are inherent in human nature, and if two lovers decide to build a life together, then conflicts and misunderstandings cannot be avoided. It's okay to quarrel, argue, solve problems. Crises in family life are a healthy natural phenomenon.
Let's be honest: family life itself is a kind of crisis. In a family, a person becomes responsible and dependent, learns to hear someone else's opinion, adapt to certain conditions, take into account the interests and habits of everyone - both infants and adults. Becoming a family, the couple "acquires" relatives, mutual acquaintances, memorable dates, acquires its own traditions and rituals. This is something personal, unique - an important part of the life of every family. Family crises for strong relationships are just a stage that can go smoothly, unnoticed.
Problems of the first five-year plan: to be afraid of crises - not to marry
The crisis of the first year of marriage
The very first and most difficult family crisis is the first year of a relationship. Many marriages end during this period before they even begin. The secret is simple: going on dates with a loved one and living with him on the same territory are completely different things! Only a mature person is able to accept the habits, lifestyle, way of thinking of another person and adapt to life with him. To run a joint household, plan a budget, make decisions, support each other, survive troubles - this is learned in the first year of living together. If the level is passed successfully, with minimal losses, the pair moves on. The first crisis of family life is the case when the third is not given: either divorces or unites. Having accepted some of the "cockroaches" of your soul mate, you move to the next level: family life begins to please, the desire to compare disappears, a feeling of integrity appears. In speech, “we” appears instead of “I”, and life enters a new stage.
A family is two: learning to “work” in pairs
The crisis in the family comes from unresolved problems and patient silence. Despite the romantic connotation of relationships, many issues need to be brought up for discussion, not hushed up, not put off, feel free to talk about any aspects of family life that bring discomfort to your worldview. The crises of family life are moving forward, growing up, becoming, achieving understanding. People of different sexes, brought up in different families, must develop their own special mechanism of interaction, if it develops chaotically, then problems will begin later.
The crisis of three years of family life: what is the danger?
Behind several years of living together, many couples have a child and even two. The lion's share of attention, which once belonged to the spouse, goes to the baby. Caring for a child and working in an office are such different areas that the spouses have practically no common topics for conversation. You still want surprises, vivid emotions, fun and drive - everything that is characteristic of youth. It is at this moment that the crisis of family relations creeps up. There is a feeling that the relationship has reached a dead end: everyone believes that his efforts are not appreciated. Attractiveness in the eyes of the spouse is lost, there is no strength and desire to change something. Even worse, if the spouses annoy each other so much that any communication ends in a scandal. The crisis years of family life are dangerous due to indifference, indifference, unwillingness to look for a way out. The financial sphere is usually added to the emotional sphere: lack of money, lack of own housing, loans, unsettled life.
It's time to understand: your spouse is not perfect, just like you - you need to accept his shortcomings, outlook on life, moral principles. Without acceptance - the continuation of the relationship - pain, resentment, constant negativity. Look for positive aspects: what distinguishes the second half from others, support, keep silent, help, praise. A crisis in a relationship with a husband is an excellent opportunity for self-development. Small steps lead to big results.
Crises of a mature family: what to expect and how to deal with?
The notorious split of the seventh year: we leave without loss
Comparing all the crises in family life over the years, it is impossible to find a universal remedy for dealing with them. The most dangerous moment in the couple's relationship is coming - seven years of marriage. Problems, resentment, pain and indifference line up in an impenetrable barrier. The sexual attractiveness of the partner is reduced, there are practically no common interests. Contradictions arise in the upbringing of children, relations with relatives, everyday and material problems. Often comes the thought of an unsuccessful choice of a life partner. The life goals and aspirations of the spouses diverge. The desire to please disappears, monotony and monotony, seasoned with everyday life, kill the remaining passion and attraction. If the couple has maintained respect, then this stage will be passed relatively easily. The crisis in family relationships over the years is not a tragedy, but a reason to work on mistakes.
Crisis of fourteen years: wisdom must win
The crisis in relationships over the years does not always coincide with the real experience of the family, but a psychological breakdown happens at about the same time. There comes a period when the spouses are morally tired of each other. Grown up children enter a transitional age, the struggle for "independence" begins. The coordinated influence of parents will help to contain the storm and avoid problems. Sexual life is boring or non-existent. The second half is read like a boring book, every word of which is known in advance. Psychologists consider this period dangerous in terms of betrayal and strife on the basis of the "second youth" of the strong half of humanity. A woman is at the peak of her career, free from babies - overestimates her world, sees what she had not noticed before. A crisis is brewing in family relationships. It is during this period that spouses individually test their marriage for strength. However, the mistakes of this period can spoil the relationship irrevocably.
A crisis is a new step in an old relationship
Whatever crisis of family life breaks into your relationship over the years: be guided by wisdom and patience, and not by emotions and advice from friends. There is no justification for alcoholism and violence, in other cases it is worth fighting for the family. Life is impossible without conflicts, quarrels, insults... But if you feel joy when you return home, then everything was successful. Most marriages are built on respect, friendship, mutual care. A new marriage is a step into the unknown, a kind of lottery, a minefield. Perhaps old relationships will sparkle in a new way, if you make an effort, learn to forgive and be grateful.
Forewarned is forearmed". We analyze which years of marriage are the most dangerous in order to overcome them with minimal losses. It is during periods of crisis, according to statistics, that the largest number of divorces occurs. Of course, the situation in each couple is very individual. And yet, it is possible to conditionally distinguish five main "transitional ages" of marriage.
Photo source: pozdnyakova.org
We take off our rose-colored glasses. Crisis 1 year -2 years
The first year of marriage is a period of recognition and getting used to. On the one hand, the newlyweds lose their sharpness of sensations, passionate love is replaced by a calmer relationship. Often, such changes scare novice spouses:
If I don’t feel such strong emotions as before, then I stopped loving?
On the other hand, the first serious conflicts arise. Mutual accusations are associated with closer everyday communication, the distribution of responsibilities. Newlyweds discover differences in habits, attitudes, traditions of families, and sometimes in values. There is a desire to remake the partner and impose his own ways of interacting with the world.
In some families, the crisis is complicated by the appearance of a child. Partners are forced to simultaneously cope with two new roles - newlyweds and parents.
Photo source: lovepath.ru
It has been observed that spouses who have personal space get along much better together. Everyone should have a place that belongs only to him, where he can be alone. This also applies to psychological comfort. You can’t insist that a person tell you literally everything, writes mamka.ru
Way to yourself. Crisis 3-4 years
During this period, there is a personal "interpenetration" in a couple and a kind of dependence on relationships appears. Awareness of this pushes for attempts to return to the former, which can manifest itself both in establishing old ties and in changing jobs.
Photo source: pixabay.com
During these years in marriage, the birth of the first child most often occurs. With the advent of the baby, the roles of the spouses change, they become parents. The burden associated with physical, psychological and material costs is increasing.
The young mother is absorbed in caring for the baby, and the husband feels abandoned and superfluous in this relationship. Especially if he is not attracted to conscious fatherhood, but is tried to be used only as an obedient assistant.
Do not be afraid to trust your husband with the role of a father, he will cope with it no worse than you cope with the role of a mother. But make sure that your new status (caring parents) does not cancel the former (loving spouses).
Day after day. Crisis of 6-7 years
In the life of the family, everything is stable and well-established: life, communication, work. But in sex there is satiety with the partner's body. Many men complain that romance has left the relationship, the spouse does not share their hobbies.
That is why most cheating in married couples occurs during this period.
Women return to work. After several years of home life, everything new is perceived as emotional, bright, and I want to change a lot. The wife becomes financially less dependent on her husband.
Photo source: bewoman.club
Women in crisis are trying to return to the days when "everything was just beginning." They can enthusiastically buy beautiful lingerie, have a candlelit dinner... You can’t turn back the clock, and what your spouse liked seven years ago can now cause irritation.
An attempt to restore relations with the help of the birth of a second child will also be erroneous. Children are not a means of manipulating a husband. On the contrary, an increase in psycho-emotional and physical stress during a crisis can lead to family breakdown. Romantic moments are needed, but they should be completely different - something new, interesting, unusual.
"And it's all?". Crisis 11-13 years old
It would seem that everything that is possible has been experienced together: difficulties, lack of finances, illness, failures ... Why do some couples decide to leave after such a life test?
Perhaps this is the most inexplicable crisis. Spouses characterize him with the words “we have become strangers”, but they simply cooled down, there is no strength to “invest” in relationships. Perhaps this is an echo of one of the unresolved crises of past years.
In addition, such a period sometimes coincides with the midlife crisis of one of the spouses, when there is a reassessment of values. There may be a fear that there are not many years left when there is a chance to “start all over again”
Photo source: piter-training.ru
Your own achievements and goals may seem insufficient, but you need to learn to accept them and set new goals. Not only for yourself as an individual, but for the family as a world that you continue to master.
Identify small but common joint tasks that will develop your marriage. Together look for new ways to realize the accumulated potential.
Children have not yet grown up, but they have a period of choosing a life position. Its activity largely depends on you. And if the younger generation sees energetic, passionate about life, loving parents, and not boring guardians, then not only the children themselves will benefit, but your “family boat” will not “break” into everyday life.
"Empty Nest Syndrome". Crisis 20 years
The children are grown up and have their own lives. In families where relationships were built only around the interests of the child, the link is missing. The very meaning of the relationship is lost.
Many men divorce at this stage, as a sense of guilt and duty to children did not allow them to break off these relationships earlier.
Women do not get tired of reminding that the “best years” were given to the spouse, which means that he now has to repay his debts.
Photo source: blondlife.ru
In fact, the crisis occurs because both spouses forget about the important advantage of this period of marriage. After all, parting with an active parental role, you seem to be returning to your youth, when marriage was your main family function. Now is the time to remember all the good things marriage has brought you.
Remember what dreams and plans you once put off until "better times" - now there is a great opportunity to realize them. In sexual relations, your attention to each other, affection and tenderness are now more important than ever. Do not be afraid to experiment, diversify your intimate life.
So, be patient and attentive to each other, love and respect your partner, then you are not afraid of any crises!
There are rules that wise couples follow throughout their lives. And then not only the crisis years are overcome without loss, but the golden wedding comes as a holiday.
- Don't build up irritation. Try to find the right moment to discuss the problem. The partner does not have to read your mind, but he can hear you.
- Don't push your partner away when they want to be together. Always listen to each other, be attentive to his problems and feelings. Never manipulate your partner with prohibitions or permissions for sex.
- Choose wording. Try not to blame your spouse, but to say how you feel when a conflict occurs. (Instead of "You again...", say, for example, "It makes me very upset when you...")
- Treat the views and interests of your spouse with due respect, honor the traditions of his family. Don't Hinder Change
- in the life of a spouse, be for him an ally and support in all endeavors.
- Create your world! Expand and strengthen the zones of mutual interests, create the history of your family, its traditions, even your own language.
- Move on to a new stage of family development without waiting for crises, do not let the routine steal your love from you.
- The joy of mutual recognition can intensify over the years. This applies to both body and soul. In sex, new nuances and overtones appear that are not available to any “kamasu-tre”. Constantly engage in self-development, improve - and then you will be interesting to your partner as a person.
Photo source: snitsya-son.ru
- There are no perfect people! Appreciate and develop the positive qualities of a partner.
Secrets of family centenarians:
I heard this story from a lady who lived happily with her handsome husband for over 30 years. A high-ranking diplomat, he was with his wife at all social events. He was surrounded by a large number of beautiful and intelligent women. And of course, not without hobbies. When she saw that her husband was beginning to be interested in another woman, she did not make scenes for him. She approached her, started a conversation, carefully observed this lady and tried to understand what she had interested her husband in. And then I tried to generate this quality in myself. When a husband discovered in his wife a virtue that attracted him to another, the romance died out by itself.
Psychologist's comment:
The story sounds a little fantastic, but experience shows that people who have lived in a happy marriage for many years become one. It is difficult to keep passionate love until old age, but you need to forgive insults, respect the other, be attentive to the little things. Tips from the "veterans": do not go to bed in a quarrel, kiss each other often, find time for romantic moments.
A mouse-guitarist and a rat dressed as a tiger. Watch and vote for children's drawings of the symbol of the New Year
A family with 10 years of experience is a full-fledged nest with a solid personal history: the birth of children, home improvement, travel, victories and failures, losses and gains. Life goes on as usual year after year, and at one fine moment both realize that it is impossible to live like this any longer.
In fact, “suddenly” only awareness comes, and the crisis of the first ten years in the relationship between a man and a woman is the result of a long process of accumulating discontent. This moment is inevitable in the life of every couple. Over such a long period of living together, resentment, nervous breakdowns, a difference in temperaments accumulate, passion disappears, all pitfalls surface, differences between spouses in relation to children, money, the world and life in general become aggravated.
It is no secret that in order to maintain relations, a man and a woman have to sacrifice something, and if the process is mutual and mutual, then the situation does not infringe on anyone and the internal resource of the relationship is preserved. But if this process is one-sided, then the one who is constantly forced to step on his own throat will sooner or later rebel against such an attitude.
The main signs of a crisis between husband and wife after ten years of marriage -
- indifference to each other, both mutual and one-sided;
- unwillingness to give in to each other;
The crisis makes it clear to both spouses that, as before, when the game is played in one goal, it is no longer possible to live. A crisis is a productive process when the old and unnecessary is destroyed and a new strategy is developed instead. It will give the relationship a new breath, a new impetus, destroy the reticence and let trust and warmth into the relationship - unless, of course, old mistakes are taken into account and there is no more going back to them.
I am a professional family psychologist with experience in solving problems related to personal relationships. If you are going through a crisis of 10 years of marriage,. All difficulties are temporary if there is love. I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online with the help of.
In order to successfully go through the crisis, you need to speak out completely, pour out everything that has boiled up, but if possible without raised tones. If after this conversation you feel relieved and devastated, it means that a painful abscess in your relationship has erupted.
Don't try to fix a problem relationship with pregnancy. Sometimes this can work to destroy relationships, as the trouble of raising a baby will be added to the experience of the crisis.
In order to build a new relationship strategy, you need to go to a psychological consultation with a specialist who will help you see what position and strategy you need to adhere to in the future so that the relationship becomes stronger.
You can sign up for a psychological consultation with me through the feedback form or by calling the phone number indicated on the website. Consultations are held both in person and via Skype. Communication is completely confidential.
