My mistress is pregnant by my husband. A husband has a child from his mistress - what should a wife do? Opinions of our experts

Not every man who accidentally fell into his own trap will dare to share this problem with relatives and friends, especially with his own wife. Since there is nothing worse than an uncertain situation, such a situation can break even a psychologically stable person. My lover is pregnant, what should I do? In this article, you will learn about possible solutions to this issue.

From this article you will learn:

• Why does the mistress want to keep the child
• Why the pregnancy of a mistress can push a man away from her
• Can the pregnancy of a mistress be a boon if the spouses do not have children
• What should a wife do when she finds out about her husband's mistress and her pregnancy
• Why a man is not ready to confess his mistress's pregnancy to his wife

When a couple has been married for a long time, at some point the husband begins to experience a lack of vivid emotions in intimate life, he feels how routine and life are gradually getting stuck. This gives impetus to having an affair on the side. Of course, the spouse is not going to leave the family at all. His goal is to get an emotional shake-up in order to perk up again. But unexpectedly, the mistress declares pregnancy and warns that she is not going to have an abortion, because it is either too late, or she has long dreamed of a child. In this situation, the news that is usually joyful under other circumstances for a married man does not sound good at all.

A man most often has no reason to desire the birth of an illegitimate child, even if he, with all sincerity, convinces of the opposite and calls for refusing to terminate the pregnancy. He does not need a baby to the same extent as the problems that will certainly arise in the future:

• Instead of a beloved, easy communication with which gave only positive emotions, a man gets a second wife.
• The novel is, in principle, difficult to keep a secret, and when a child appears, it will become even more difficult. It is impossible to constantly cheat and dodge, someday you will have to confess everything.
• It is absolutely undesirable for a married person to expose the relationship on the side in front of his friends and relatives, which will certainly entail recognition.
• The appearance of a child will aggravate the situation even in the case when there is always not enough time, and the financial situation is unstable.

An affair is a way to escape from the gray everyday life and everyday worries. A lover is needed in order to compensate for the lack of positive emotions received from the spouse.

What to do if the mistress is pregnant and is going to give birth? A man can choose one of three options for his further behavior.

• The complete cessation of relations with a mistress who is pregnant, cutting off all contact with her, preventing even the slightest opportunity to make the fact of the presence of a baby known to the wife - this is a path that is actually a shameful and cynical retreat. Those who choose it may experience remorse for the rest of their lives, but it is precisely this line of behavior, sadly, that the majority of the stronger sex adheres to.
• The fact that the mistress is pregnant, you can tell your wife. Sometimes it can even be a reason for joy for the wife. If she does not have children of her own, she loves babies and dreams of a child as a condition for creating a real family, then in this case she can take the future child for upbringing. Perhaps the wife will make an offer to her pregnant mistress for a monetary reward if she refuses the child. A spouse can file for divorce if your family already has children or she simply does not like kids, and also if she is unable to forgive betrayal. Circumstances may also develop in such a way that the wife does not want to destroy the marriage, but she will not show interest in your child either. This is typical for families that are a mutually beneficial partnership in which there is no longer or never was love.
• You can leave your wife in the dark. The secret will be kept until some sympathetic people, among whom may be the mistress herself, tell the wife about the husband's child. A woman who is pregnant thinks that now there is an opportunity to create a real family with her beloved, who will immediately forget about her previous bored wife.

Video about why men have mistresses:

At the first moment after receiving such news, the wife most often cannot decide what to do. A woman may have a desire to understand the situation, to understand how her lover, who is currently pregnant, attracted her husband. At the same time, there is a temptation to give in to feelings, to fall into despair, not wanting to think about anything and find out nothing.

What should a wife do when she finds out that her husband's mistress is pregnant from him? First of all, it is desirable not to fall under the influence of negative emotions, to distract from them, to cope with the state of shock. This will help to solve the problem deliberately, avoiding affective actions that you can regret in the future.

Excessive feelings are a hindrance in order to draw the right conclusions about the situation that has developed in reality. To cope with them, imagine that you are watching the heroine of the series from the sidelines, who turned out to be a hostage of circumstances similar to yours. How is your character behaving? What would you recommend she do?

First of all, take control of your feelings and only then decide what you will do if your mistress is pregnant from your spouse. You should not think about what your husband will do, what your environment will say, what your mistress craves. In these circumstances, it is recommended to think, first of all, about yourself and your own desires and decide what to do for you:

1. Leave her husband, leaving him to deal with the consequences of his own actions.
2. Save the marriage by resigning yourself to the presence of your spouse's second home.
3. Come to an agreement with your husband, agreeing, for example, on the joint upbringing of the future baby if you do not have your own children.

What to do is up to you and only you to decide. The most important condition for this is to get rid of the hope that the spouse will leave his mistress who is pregnant from him. Of course, there are men who do just that. However, here it is worth considering whether you want to be married to a man who considers it possible to leave a pregnant woman to her fate, depriving her of help when she needs it. Of course, the mistress is your competitor. However, if a man can, in principle, do this to a woman, at some point he will behave in the same way with you.

The first thing to do is to decide whether you want to continue the relationship with your spouse, whether you intend to fight to save the family. Or you will prefer the opposite option - divorce, even if you have common children.

It is necessary to adhere to the basic principle, which is the absence of any negotiations with the mistress. What you should never do is beg your rival to back down from your spouse or offer to terminate the pregnancy. It is better for you to talk heart to heart with your spouse in order to find out his attitude to the situation and the further course of action. Whether a man wants the birth of this baby, whether he intends to go to his mistress who is pregnant - this is the most important thing that you must realize for yourself.

The birth of a small person is, no doubt, a joyful event. However, sometimes pregnancy occurs unplanned, the child becomes unwanted. As a result, many parents, especially unmarried women, decide to have an abortion.

If your spouse belongs to a similar category of people and wants her mistress to terminate the pregnancy, be neutral about this - do not hold back, but do not support either. Listen carefully to the reasons for the husband's decision and confirm that you will agree with any of his actions in this situation. Also, do not condemn the desire of the spouse to have a child from a mistress who is now pregnant, and in the future to take care of this baby. It is necessary to take into account and make an adjustment for the fact that future assistance will consist not only in physical and moral, but also in material support. Joint funds from the budget of your family will be spent on the born baby, since both parents are obliged to take care of the child.

What should be done if the spouse wants to stay in the family, and the mistress is pregnant and is trying to separate you? In such circumstances, the behavior of this woman can be explained, because no one wants to become a single mother, even with the support of the father of the child. The mistress is pregnant and dreams of raising the future baby in a complete family. However, under the circumstances, your position is much more preferable. After all, it is you who are the legal wife, and the mistress is trying to destroy the official family.

What to do in such a situation? Discuss with your husband that it is he who is obliged to resolve the problem with his passion. Your spouse should make sure that she does not contact you and does not bother you.

Remember also the need to confirm pregnancy. Sometimes it happens that in fact the mistress is not pregnant, but uses various tricks so that her husband leaves you for her. If a man follows her lead, then a woman, having received what she wants, can subsequently declare a miscarriage or make every effort to become pregnant for real. In addition, she can deceive your spouse by conceiving a child from another. When in doubt about paternity, a DNA test can be performed and conclusions drawn from its results.

Do not forget that a man will not have a thought about a mistress if an atmosphere of respect and love reigns in the family, if he feels that he is valued and always expected. The spouse will not change if you remain for him the one and only beloved, which cannot be replaced.

Video on how to get a husband back from his mistress:

You became aware that your other half has a mistress who is also pregnant. What to do in this case? Why does the spouse hide this circumstance? Naturally, this situation makes you worried, but you need to realize that it is not you who should decide this issue. The husband himself chooses the line of conduct. You can also do what you feel is right and comfortable for you. Do not judge the actions of others, evaluate, first of all, your own behavior.

If the husband hides the fact of having a mistress who is pregnant, you should not take the first step and talk about what you all know. Having a desire to save the family, it is better to wait for recognition from the husband when he is ready for this. In such a situation, it is better to focus on your own affairs, take time to meet with friends or your hobbies.

If you have matured determination and you are not afraid to go into conflict with your spouse, then start discussing this problem. Get ready to hear a lot of lies. At first, the husband will not recognize the betrayal, then the fact that his mistress is pregnant. Such a strategy is characteristic of men with a low level of responsibility, who keep the birth of illegitimate children a secret.

How to make a man jealous?

It is important to understand where such questions come from in your head? Because you are confident? Because you have good self-esteem as a woman, adequate? Or vice versa, because you are insecure, you are afraid to be alone, you are afraid of losing him, and therefore you are looking for some ways to influence this man. And you think that this is one of the ways. This does not work. If a man has low self-esteem, yes, it will work for a while. Even if a man has normal self-esteem, at first it will work, then he will get bored with it. And it is important to understand that if you make a man jealous, that is, manipulate, are you ready for the same answer to come to you? It is not necessary that he will also make you jealous. In his eyes, you will behave strangely. You will cause discomfort in his eyes. And whether you like it or not, he will also cause you discomfort with his behavior.

And you will ask later, why is my man behaving strangely? Or why is he already acting weird? I can ask you a question in return: tell me, don’t you behave strangely? Are you sure he understands? If we begin to unravel this tangle, we will come to some kind of root from which it all began. Because in the beginning everything can be good. But where did these confusions and games begin? The more you continue to confuse this tangle, you do not bring it closer to happiness, the more difficult it is for him, and for the most valuable person - yourself. Therefore, if you want to be more valuable to a man, and it seems to me that you want to make him jealous, in order to be more valuable, more significant for him, to receive more love, more attention from him, you need to start with yourself. And ask yourself the question: do I love myself at all? Am I valuable to myself? Or am I really bad with myself? Or I feel so bad with myself that I urgently need a man, whom I will still spoil his life so that he loves me more.

Your key task is to become a value for yourself. To work out yourself as a woman, to work out your condition, perhaps your children's complexes, to work out past grievances. Perhaps you need to understand the psychology of men. Do it in a complex. Then you will feel differently about yourself.

At the same time, it should be borne in mind that the husband's passion probably has a desire to take him away from the family and become a legal wife. It is quite possible that the mistress is not pregnant by your spouse and is deliberately misleading you in order to provoke a divorce and marry him herself.

Why does a husband hide the fact that his mistress is pregnant? Maybe he wants to stay with you and is afraid of losing you. It is also likely that the spouse is not completely sure that he is the father of the unborn child. What to do in such circumstances? The choice belongs exclusively to you, because your future life depends on the consequences of the decision you make.

To solve the problem to your advantage, close your eyes, look away from today, and immerse yourself in the memories of the happiest moments when you experienced joy and love. Focus on feelings of happiness, life satisfaction, fulfillment. And then mentally move to the future, where you also feel loved and happy. What does this tomorrow look like? Will there be room in it for your spouse with a child born of a mistress? If your happy tomorrow does not involve the presence of a man who has cheated on you, then it is time to part.

To regain inner peace, you need to realize that you are not responsible for the behavior of your spouse and that what happened is not your fault. Your husband acted of his own free will, but you have the right to decide how to respond to his actions and in what way to build relationships with him in the future.

In case of unwillingness to forgive betrayal and the presence of a mistress, it is better to decide on parting. If you feel happier as a result, you made the right choice.

Thank you for reading this article to the end

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

My husband himself told me about his mistress and her pregnancy, he is 45 years old, she is 18 years younger than him, I am 42, although I look 36. Due to life problems, we moved to another city 4 years ago, to his parents, when For 2 years he was offered a good job in the capital. I naturally agreed to let him go, and of course he met her. All this time, I lived with our son, he is 7 years old, with his parents, 2 years have passed and he moved us to the capital in new. apartment. And a couple of months later, he confesses to me about her and her pregnancy, and says that the choice is mine, although he always says that he will not leave his family, loves me, by the way, he told her that too. I ask him if he loves her, but he replies that he has taken a liking to her (for me it's all the same that he loves). I can’t even cry to anyone, neither to my mother, nor to my friends, to anyone!!! We talked with him for long evenings, I had tantrums, then I calm down, I try to think sensibly. By the way, he loves children very much, and wants her to give birth. They even decided with him that she would be his second wife! Kopets! I'm in shock! But for now I still suffer, because the wound is still deep !!! This one, too, suits him with tantrums, but she is pregnant, she has toxicosis !!! I try to control myself, but I don’t know how long I will last! I love him a lot! And it turns out, he loves both me and her! I ask you, advise me, did I agree to a second wife? How can I be reasonable in this situation?

Kaidarova Asel Abdu-Alievna, psychologist of Almaty

Good answer 4 bad answer 0

Hello, Elena! You and your husband are now going through one of the crises in family life. The act of your husband, I will not evaluate and explain, only you decide what to do and how to live on. Any crisis is a reassessment of life priorities, strengthening one and changing the other. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing in your life right now? What family Are values ​​important to you? What awaits you in a few years? Think well, because - this is your life! Do as for You are better.
Toevery person has the right to make mistakes, only adult answers for their deeds, and understands that you need to protect and appreciate your loved ones. Weigh the pros and cons and make the right choice. Good luck and fortitude!

With Respectfully Zhanna Akhatbekovna.

Zinnatullina Zhanna Akhatbekovna, psychologist of Almaty

Good answer 0 bad answer 1

Hello, Elena.

“I ask you, advise me, did I agree to a second wife correctly?” - your question is a little confusing, as to why you need our opinion? How do you yourself feel about this? You agreed, so you did it for something? For what and for what? For love ? Or something different? Is it your own choice? Did you do it willingly? If it is yours, then why do you need someone else's opinion? What will he give you? Or what will the assessment of your behavior from outside change for you?

“How can I behave sensibly in such a situation?” - it would be interesting to understand, it is reasonable with respect to what or whom? Why be smart? What does it mean to you to be reasonable? If I answer how to behave reasonably, then this will be my answer, and about what I understand by reasonable, but what is yours? You may not agree with me, but in my opinion, what matters is how you feel about this situation, what has happened in your life? What do you want for yourself? And why are you agreeing to what you have already agreed to. If you have the opportunity to consult a psychologist in person, and now it is advisable for you to enlist the support of loved ones, do not go through such a period of your life alone. I wish you peace of mind.

Sincerely, Elena.

Begunova Elena Leonidovna, psychologist of Almaty

Good answer 3 bad answer 1

Mar 21 2017

Keltia

Mar 21 2017

Keltia

Is it worth it to accept this situation, in your third-party opinion? Or will it only get worse? And, probably, I should have spoken out, because I have no one to discuss this with. I always keep everything in myself, I can’t really explain what I feel. I would like my husband to understand how much it hurts me, but I don’t know how to convey it to him. I don't want tantrums and scandals

Mar 21 2017

Keltia

I still don't know if I can live with it. That is, even if everything will be, as the husband says, no further communication with that woman, can I still believe him. He was the closest person to me, and now he kind of died, like a close person. And when loved ones leave, the strongest desire is to return them.

Mar 21 2017

Keltia

There are parents, with mother very friendly relations. With dad a little distant, but also good, they love me very much. I can’t tell them this, because given the state of their health, this will finish them off. For them, we are the perfect family. I have friends, but rather friends, I simply can’t chat, go to a cafe, share such secrets with them.

Mar 21 2017

It turns out that you "put your eggs in one basket"
In the person of your husband, you have found both a friend and a lover, and the father of your children, and so on.
You have no one else to get full emotional support from him.
From this it follows that he is an overvalued person for you.
What are your options for getting out of this situation?

Mar 21 2017

Keltia

Yes, it turns out so. But, if we abstract from the situation, he is really the same as I described, I do not embellish him. The situation is such that I do not see a way out. Save the family, I'm afraid that the ghost of this child will be between us all our lives. To part means to lose a truly loved one and deprive children of a full-fledged family.

Mar 21 2017

Keltia

This means that I will be afraid that even when years pass, he may regret that he decided not to communicate with him, that with any failures of our children, he may think, but somewhere there maybe I have an "ideal child". The tragedy of this situation is that just a few months ago, I had a miscarriage for a period of 6 weeks. The pregnancy was unplanned and, so to speak, "at the wrong time", but I would not do an abortion for anything.

Mar 21 2017

that I will be afraid that even when years pass, he may regret that he decided not to communicate with him, that with any failures of our children, he may think, but somewhere out there I may be growing an "ideal child".

This is his decision. What are you doing here? Have you seen the perfect kids? I personally never.

The tragedy of this situation is that just a few months ago, I had a miscarriage for a period of 6 weeks. The pregnancy was unplanned and, so to speak, "at the wrong time", but I would not do an abortion for anything.

How did the husband react to this event?

Mar 21 2017

A man can sometimes resist the temptation to have a mistress. After all, there are so many beautiful women around with whom you want to chat, flirt, show your masculine power in bed. Of course, a man can start a serious relationship with one woman, even marry her. However, this does not negate the fact that other beauties will periodically pass and visit around. A man cannot put his eyes anywhere, so sometimes he is tempted to have an affair with his mistress. And the result of such a relationship may be pregnancy. What to do if your lover suddenly becomes pregnant?

Usually pregnancy is a topic for a female audience. They are to bear children, give birth to them, and then bring up babies in the first years. However, men also become participants in the process, albeit a little indirectly. After all, a woman begins to demand that the future father of her child continue relations with her, look after and take care of her, pay money for all expenses, etc. This behavior of a woman is justified, because:

1. Who needs it while she is pregnant? Imagine that for about 6-7 months, while a woman is already walking with a bulging belly, she will not be able to meet a new man and seduce him. And after giving birth, a woman will also not have time to start a relationship with someone.
2. Who needs her with a child? Many men are not yet ready to raise other people's children.

The woman trusted the man, gave herself to him, now she is waiting for responsible behavior on his part, when he learns about the life that has arisen after their sexual intercourse. But after all, a man can have his own life circumstances that a woman does not take into account. Let's try to give advice to men who find themselves in a situation of pregnancy of their lovers.

The man is married and expecting a child from his mistress

Mistresses often arise when a man is already seriously building a relationship with someone or even married. Often mistresses arise during those periods when wives go pregnant, and it is not yet possible to sleep with them for certain reasons. But here the difficulties are supplemented by the fact that the mistress also becomes pregnant. What is a man to do?

1. Determine the presence of pregnancy. This advice will work for anyone who is told about their pregnancy. First find out for sure that the woman is pregnant. In the first months of your "interesting" position, you will not be able to determine this, since her belly will not grow yet. Here you must make sure that the pregnancy exists at all. To do this, you need to go with your mistress for an examination to a gynecologist or for an ultrasound scan so that specialists confirm the presence of a baby.

Do not believe any strange pregnancy tests (they may show a false result) or papers brought. These documents can be printed or borrowed from other women. The mistress should hear with you that she is pregnant or simply get advice from a gynecologist on how she should continue her pregnancy.

1. Help a woman financially. If the mistress nevertheless turned out to be pregnant, then it is better to help her financially. Of course, you can refuse this item and say that you will not participate in the pregnancy, but this will show you as a weak person. We are not saying that you should give away all your money. We invite you to act humanely. Say that you will give out some amounts of money to your mistress, as you can, so that at the same time the wife does not notice anything and does not know anything about it.

1. Do not register a child immediately after his birth. If you are not divorcing your wife in order to build a family relationship with your mistress, then you must be sure that the mistress gave birth to a child from you. Understand that lovers, in order to take men away from their families, are not only ready to lie about their pregnancy (so you must confirm it together), but also get pregnant from other men and say that the children are from you. Do a DNA test after the baby is born. Only after this test confirms your paternity, agree to register yourself as a father or do not do it.

You may not be listed as the father on the child's birth certificate. However, at least they must understand whether this child is yours or someone else's. As for financial assistance for the upbringing and development of the baby, this is also a voluntary matter, until the mistress went to court to receive alimony from you. She can get them from you only if she presents a DNA test for your paternity. Otherwise, she won't succeed.

Should you tell your wife about the appearance of a baby with your mistress? This question is purely individual. Each man must decide for himself what will suit his situation:

• You can tell your wife about your mistress and future child. She can be happy with the baby and even offer to take him up if she herself does not have children, loves little ones and has always dreamed of a full-fledged family. She may offer to pay her mistress money to give up the baby. A wife can leave you if you have children, she will not be able to forgive your betrayal, she does not like children at all. Also, the wife can save your marriage, but not be interested in your child. This situation can arise if you have already stopped or have never had feelings, and your marriage is a mutually beneficial union.
• You don't have to tell your wife. She will not know about anything, unless other “kind” people, including the mistress herself, tell about the presence of your son / daughter. You can safely help your second family without prejudice to the interests of the first family.

It is good if a man has a high income, when he can freely help his child and continue to live for his own pleasure.

Do I need to divorce my wife in order to go to my mistress? Nobody obliges you to do this. If you want, you can continue to live with your wife, and just meet with your mistress and raise your common child. If a mistress threatens to leave, tell your wife everything, or forbid you from seeing the baby, then do not fall for her threats. The mistress must understand that you will act as you please, and not as she wants.

If you love your mistress, then you can think about divorcing your wife in order to build a new cell of society with your baby.

A man is free and expecting a baby from his mistress

Things unfold a little easier if a man is free from any serious and marital relationships, when his mistress tells him about her pregnancy. What should a cavalier do? He is also advised to first establish the fact of pregnancy, since often women go to deception to force them to be with them and even marry, and then wait until the child is born to find out if you are his father, thanks to a DNA test.

It is not necessary to build a serious relationship with a mistress if you are indifferent to her and never wanted to have a serious relationship. She can give birth to a child, from which you, in principle, can not refuse. You can give her money for various procedures and upbringing of the child, even see him yourself in order to participate in his development. At the same time, you can continue to be a free person if the bachelor life is too dear to you.

However, if you want a family, then you might consider marrying a woman. Nevertheless, we recommend that all men establish their paternity through a DNA test, even if they married their mistresses who became pregnant from them. Otherwise, it may turn out that the mistress became pregnant from another, and ringed you.

Is an abortion necessary?

Often the first reaction of men who are just playing love games is to force women to have an abortion. If you do not go into the moral principles of society, then abortion also has a place to be. It becomes especially relevant if neither the man nor the woman wants a child.

You can talk about abortion, but it’s better not to insist, because it’s all the same for a woman to decide whether she will carry out the abortion procedure or not. Moreover, a woman may react negatively to the proposal of a man, from whom she expected a different reaction. If your mistress is dear to you, you love her (despite the fact that you do not want to part with your wife), then it is better to gently suggest that she have an abortion. If the mistress does not agree, then accept her decision and come to terms with the fact that you will soon become a dad.

Remember that the child:

1. It does not oblige you to love your mistress!
2. Doesn't oblige you to marry your mistress!
3. It does not oblige you to divorce your wife!
4. It does not oblige you to do everything that the mistress wants and requires!

The child is your blood. You are only required to provide it financially - this is the bare minimum. In the best case, the child will oblige you to simply allocate time for him when you walk with him, communicate, educate him and simply participate in his life.

It is not always necessary to have an abortion, especially if you and your wife do not have children or you are already thinking about a child, being a bachelor. It is not necessary to have a relationship with a mistress. However, you will have to establish your paternity by passing a DNA test and entering you as the father on the birth certificate of the child if the mistress begins to oppose this. Establishing you as the child's father will give you the opportunity to participate in his life as a full parent without the consent of his mother.

Outcome

The pregnancy of a mistress is actually not always a tragedy, as men are usually used to reacting to such news. You are not obliged to divorce your wife and create a family with your mistress, no matter what anyone says. If you have fears about a wife who might find out, then that is a different matter. However, the child does not oblige you to do anything, unless you yourself want it. It is better to love your child, he is not to blame for anything, since all your conflicts are with your mistress, and not with him personally.

Change has always existed. However, only at the present time people still cannot fight this "relationship disease", although they are quite equal, self-sufficient and independent. in the hope that her husband would prove faithful. However, it becomes much more difficult to accept the news of infidelity if the husband also turns out to be pregnant ..

Psychologists will not insist that you calm down, pull yourself together and remain calm. It's almost impossible! A woman who trusted her husband and remained faithful herself will always be shocked by the news that her husband has a mistress, and besides, she is pregnant. The wife will initially experience anger, anger, depression and deep disappointment.

The whole complex of feelings must be allowed to go through. The only condition is not to delay in order to begin to resolve the situation. At first, allow yourself to experience the emotions that arose as a result of the betrayal of your husband and the pregnancy of his mistress, and then, after a while, proceed to other decisive actions.

How to proceed?

If you find out about the betrayal of your husband, whose mistress also turns out to be pregnant, you are probably overwhelmed with emotions. How to proceed after those few days when you allowed yourself to get angry and blame your spouse and his mistress for all the troubles? Now you need to realize that you need to act and be responsible for the consequences of your actions.

Start with the following:

1. Take control of your emotions. Don't make it hard. Just start to understand that you can be angry and grieve at least all your life, only now you suffer from this and you personally waste your time. If you do not want to suffer all your life, then it's time to put emotions aside and start solving the problem.

What you will think about what happened depends largely on your desires and feelings. If you still love your husband, then you can think about what pushed him to cheat. It will be more pleasant to think that he is to blame for everything. However, a man will never go to the left if certain factors do not contribute to this. Surely, in the relationship between the spouses, something did not develop very favorably, because of which the man decided on a treacherous act.

The fact that you find out the reason for what happened does not justify the man. Whether he deserves your trust or love, it’s up to you to decide on the basis of how a man will behave and whether you are ready to forgive him. However, it should be understood that if you forgive your husband too quickly, then he will not “learn” his lesson and will not appreciate your nobility.

Why do many men not return to those who beg for it? Why are men more likely to choose calm women than emotional ones? Why can a man ruthlessly turn away from the one who cries because of him? The answer is quite simple: men are logical creatures and they don't like being pressed for pity.

Women are emotional. This is good when a man needs to show how interested you are in him, or be creative in order to create his own unique image of a pretty lady. But when it comes to solving serious issues, here emotions only exacerbate the situation. And since men are more realistic and down to earth, they don't like it when a woman begins to hover in the clouds and put pressure on pity. A man will prefer one that knows how to balance between emotions and logic. Therefore, you need to keep your emotions under control.

It's actually not that hard for a woman to achieve this, if you believe it. Just calm down and understand one fact: what is already happening is better to see, accept and understand than to brush it off with your hands in the hope that the unpleasant will disappear. With your emotions, you try to brush aside the unpleasant. But how can you make death disappear (if a person is dead) or a child appear (if you are not pregnant). Reality must be seen and accepted, no matter how unpleasant it may seem to you. Balance between the mind, when you understand what is happening, clearly aware of where you need to retreat and where you need to push, and emotions, when you can just be happy about something or have fun discussing pleasant topics.

Keep your emotions under control. Men prefer women who know how to have fun and return to real life, accepting even what they may not like. With pure emotionality, you can only attract the same emotional and stupid man who will be in the clouds, not wanting to face reality. Therefore, learn to think with your head even when emotions overwhelm you. Make decisions based on logic and the realities of life, so that later you do not regret your actions. This is in your own interests, because a man first of all wants to see an adult woman next to him, and not a stupid girl.

So, grieve and that's enough. It's time to tackle the pressing issues.

1. Analyze what happened. You should understand how long the man met with his mistress, from whom she is actually pregnant, how the husband treats his mistress and her pregnancy. All answers will help you make the right decision. Of course, you can just leave without understanding anything. However, if it is important for you to understand whether the betrayal was a mistake or an intentional act that lasted a long time, you need to understand the situation.

Have you ever said to yourself, “Why did I do this? I just succumbed to emotions and did not do what I wanted. Emotions are indicators of how exactly you feel about a particular situation. If you experience joy, then you like the event. If you feel angry or sad, then something does not suit you. Emotions are only indicators of your attitude to a particular situation, but they never help solve the problem.

Don't give in to your own emotions. Notice, do not fight with your feelings, namely, do not give in. Understand exactly how you feel about a particular situation, your emotions will help you figure it out. But as soon as you begin to solve the problem itself, disconnect from your own feelings.

Emotions often distort the picture of your perception, and also make you defend yourself, rather than solve the problem. Pay attention, people often make excuses, scream, threaten, cry, snap, take revenge when something unpleasant happens in their life. But all this is an indicator that they give in to their emotions, while they do not solve the problem that has arisen, but simply try to protect themselves and their interests from the enemy.

While you are defending yourself, you are not solving the problem, but only waging war. You are trying to humiliate yourself or another person by force so that only the interests of one of the parties are taken into account. But in this way the problem is not solved, because when the "defeated" person calms down and understands how he was deceived, he again returns to solving the problem. Therefore, do not give in to your own emotions. If you want to solve the problem, and not make enemies and eventually return to the unresolved issue, then turn off your emotions, calm down and soberly realize what you want to achieve as a result of solving the problem.

Make contact with your opponent, realizing that he also has his own interests. “I have to solve the problem,” run this thought through your mind. And in order to achieve your goal, you must engage in a discussion of the problem, and not the desire to offend, humiliate or accuse someone of anything.

Make contact with your opponent to show him that you want to find a compromise that will take into account the interests of all participants in the process. Therefore, you must jointly direct your forces to solve the problem, and not to defeat each other. If you want to put an end to an unpleasant situation, then you will have to take into account the interests of your opponent, but at the same time express your opinion firmly and clearly. The most important thing is that you do not give in to your own emotions, because you will be fighting, not solving the problem. This in turn will lead to the fact that the problem will not be solved, and your war will never end until you peacefully sit down and talk about what you need to do so that you no longer return to the issue that has arisen.

A man will lie and make excuses for his betrayal - this is an occasion to think again about how much you need him. If a man confesses everything, repents, then you can think about forgiving him.

Breaking up with your husband is very easy. If he does not part with his mistress, continues his relationship with her, then this will be the right way out. However, if a man breaks off relations with his mistress, he decides the issue of her pregnancy, then you can pause and see how it all ends.

Causes of betrayal

The reasons for male infidelity do not at all relieve them of guilt, although we are talking about the fact that the man had factors pushing him to infidelity. And those reasons are:

1. Disagreements with wife.
2. Loss of feelings for her.
3. For a long time separate conduct of lives.
4. Lack of intimacy or rare sex.

A man sooner or later wants to remember his masculinity again, in which his mistress helps him. However, now the wife needs to decide how.

1. Do not withdraw into yourself, but communicate with loved ones, friends and other people.
2. Go away for a short vacation.
3. Go to a psychologist to consult with him how to survive betrayal.
4. Take care of yourself: your appearance, emotional state, life.
5. Don't think about revenge. You can take revenge, only the husband will not return after that.
6. Do not start a relationship without obligations in order to take revenge or forget your husband. Harm in this way you cause only yourself.

Should the marriage be saved if the husband cheated and his mistress is pregnant? Each woman will answer this question herself. However, psychologists advise to remain flexible. If the husband asks for forgiveness, tries to get his wife back and leaves his mistress, resolving the issue of her pregnancy, then you can think about restoring marriage ties. However, if the husband doesn’t even lift a finger when his wife leaves him, then it’s time to leave. Perhaps the mistress was just an excuse for the wife to leave her husband herself.

And now a few words to lovers:

1. Having an affair with a married man will not make you happy. In rare cases, men leave families on their own initiative. And with your presence, you only destroy someone else's family and corrupt a man.
2. Pregnancy, most likely, will be happiness only for you. But a lover can leave you, because of which you will be left alone with the baby and all obligations.
3. If you found out about the status of a man only after your pregnancy, then you should part with such a man. He has already betrayed one wife. Do you want him to betray you in the future?
4. Happiness is not achieved by breaking someone else's family. Such a man clearly cannot make a woman happy. Better learn to love yourself and look for a partner who does not deceive or betray anyone.

Outcome

Ideally, a man should be punished for his actions: his wife should leave him, and his mistress should file for alimony. Both women should leave a man who does not value either family values ​​or the loyalty of his ladies, because with such a partner no lady will be happy for sure.