"It's scary," we answer and ask you to write even more and more often. Indeed, despite the advancement of modern mothers, we have an abundance of various literature on the topic, questions and myths.
All these tales (and many more), as you might guess, talk about masturbation. Now, of course, few people believe in them.
And, nevertheless, this is a fairly frequent request: "What to do? The child is engaged in self-satisfaction!"
Boys touch their genitals, girls rub against different surfaces, while tensing up a lot, and angry if they are distracted.
Parents seem to have heard that everyone goes through this, but still do not understand what to do, how to wean, how to react?
Someone even wonders, "how to get a child to stop masturbating?" I will say right away that the answer to this question is: “No”. That is, it is probably possible to force them to stop masturbating, but this can lead to neurotic, psychosomatic reactions and other troubles. By the way, leeches, special devices with springs and tight bandages were once used for such purposes. And a special device with bells was placed near the children's beds, so that parents could hear every movement of the child and thus control the process. There were many more sophisticated ways that I, of course, will not recommend) ...
About the norm
Child masturbation is common to almost all children.
And in most cases, it is harmless and not a deviation. Sometimes she can become one when parents (or other adults) show increased attention to this issue. They begin to pull up, control, scold the child, talk about it as something unacceptable, ridicule, whisper, beat on the hands, and so on.
All these reactions tell the child that he is wrong, not like that. They are fixed as a painful experience and create a strong emotional tension. How is this emotional stress relieved? Correctly. The simplest and most effective way to relieve emotional stress is to stimulate the genitals.
At an early age, a child's touching his genitals is called infantile masturbation. Until adolescence, it does not end with an orgasm, it is not considered a full-fledged adult masturbation. And even children need it.
Why is it needed at different ages?
- Up to about one and a half to two years for a baby, this is not even just getting pleasure. Almost from birth, the child finds his body with his hands and begins to study it. While unconscious. Explore different sensations. This is how sensuality is formed, this is how he knows himself. Where he likes, he touches himself more and is filled with pleasant sensations, which can be said to be “invested in his piggy bank of resources”, accumulate in the body.
- At the age of active self-knowledge (approximately 3-5 years), the child continues to study himself, already realizing that his body and sensations belong only to him. They are different from the bodies of other people. The process of studying his “details” is vital for him. And at the same time, the age of the three-year-old is the age of the crisis. It is associated with great emotional and physical stress. And this tension needs to be relieved somehow. The most accessible and most effective way to relieve stress for a child is in his body. Touching the genitals is soothing, so children often resort to this method.
- In adolescence, masturbation is already becoming full-fledged, ending with an orgasm. Of course, this is also a way to relieve stress (crisis, hormones). And a way of studying yourself, sensations, sexual potential. Plus, masturbation for a teenager is a safe way to satisfy sexual desire. We will talk about teenagers in the next article. Let me just say that many sexologists believe that people who did not masturbate during adolescence may have missed an important element of sexual development.
And yet, if...
If you see that a child is engaged in self-satisfaction often, first of all check for worms, infections and anything that can cause itching in the genitals and anus or cause irritation.
It is important to understand that sometimes we ourselves provoke masturbation in a child, for example, by thorough washing.
In addition, frequent touching of one's genitals can also be a neurotic reaction. When it interferes with any other activities, the child cannot be distracted or it seems that he only thinks about it. If a child does this too often, it is worth contacting a psychologist. Sometimes it is worth doing this in order to cope with your anxiety and not create increased tension around this sensitive topic.
And yet such behavior of the child can be a way to attract attention. You will not be mistaken if you show more interest in him, tenderness, hug him once again, read a book together, or just talk. This is a recommendation for any age :).
He masturbates: what to do?
If you see that the child is stimulating the intimate organs, gently remove him at the level of the body: hug him, give him a toy, try to switch his attention. More body contact
If a child has shared with you that it is pleasant for him to touch the genitals, it is very important to acknowledge out loud that this is really pleasant.
The child is looking for your support in what is very intimate and yet perhaps incomprehensible. And such conversations, of course, indicate that he trusts you very much. And this is a great value that you can keep with your calm acceptance. It is important for him to tell that you understand his feelings.
And therefore already tell that such actions are only his secret. That you can only touch the genitals where others cannot see it - in the toilet, bathroom or in your room.
The main functions of masturbation It is self-study, enjoyment and stress relief. If the child receives it in other ways, the “sensitive” topic will gradually go away.
And at the end.
Question from a participant of the seminar “Secret with the letter C / About sexual maturation of a child”:
Or is it possible that the child does not do this?
There are some things that are embarrassing to talk about, but necessary. For example, children's onanism. Many parents are left alone with this supposedly shameful problem of the child and begin to deal with this phenomenon as best they can. They make mistakes along the way, and the masturbation only gets worse. Others study books and articles on the topic and look for helpful advice. What to do?
Masturbation or study of your body?
Here the boy is changing his diaper, and at that moment he pulled his penis. Does this count as masturbation? Children get acquainted not only with the world around them, but also with their own body. But if, from early infancy, interest in all “decent” parts of the body is encouraged and the baby is asked again and again to show where his eyes and ears are, then any interest in the genitals causes concern for parents. Meanwhile, the baby is interested in them in the same way as, for example, hands and feet. And yet there is a difference. The genitals are permeated with a rich network of nerve endings and have an increased sensitivity, and touching them is usually pleasant. Children can get acquainted with these sensations, both by studying themselves and later taking an example from their peers, or completely by accident. For example, in constipation, due to tension, blood rushes not only to the anus, but also to the genitals. Tight, narrow clothing, thermal underwear can have the same effect. Unnecessarily thorough hygiene procedures can cause pleasant sensations.
Children's onanism in boys is more common due to the structure of their genitals, but this phenomenon also happens in girls.
Masturbation and sexuality
Many parents worry because they associate attention to the genitals with the early development of sexuality. They paint pictures of early sexual intercourse and, if pregnancies, as well as an antisocial lifestyle, sexual deviations. There is no need to panic. Children's onanism is a very common phenomenon. But the cause of early sexual relations or the development of deviations is extremely rare. Usually these phenomena have completely different reasons that relate to the problems of the child's social adaptation. Especially if there was a children's onanism at the age of 3 to 5 years. Pleasant bodily sensations are not yet associated with attraction to the opposite sex, so this habit is almost analogous to thumb sucking, heel scratching, and other stimulation of sensitive areas on the body.
Masturbation and neurosis
First, you need to try to distract the child. If he is easily distracted from this process, you should not sound the alarm. Another thing is if it is difficult to distract the child and masturbation absorbs him greatly, we can talk about neurosis. Also alert should be changes in the behavior and condition of the child. If he began to sleep worse, be more capricious, cry, suffer from fears, become nervous and aggressive, he has problems. You can contact a neurologist. In addition, most often children engage in masturbation secretly, but sometimes it happens that a child does it in public. This suggests that either he cannot control himself, or he deliberately provokes adults to a negative reaction. Both of these indicate that the child is unwell. In the first case, onanism can be a symptom of neurosis and be considered an obsessive action. In the second, the child has a clear problem in relationships with others, primarily parents. It is known that children who lack attention are ready to receive it at any cost. For example, shouting, swearing, and even corporal punishment is better for them than indifference. Therefore, when they are usually simply not noticed, they themselves provoke aggression.
How to react
First of all, react calmly. As you understand, nothing criminal is happening before your eyes. And if we are talking about neurosis, then children's onanism is not a cause, but a consequence. You need to distract the child, but you should not show your horror or anger. In general, this habit should deserve as little attention as possible. Let the child not think that he is doing something special and terrible. Children who are inclined to provoke adults will only be called for criticism from this. Quieter and more fearful children will begin to consider themselves bad, their self-esteem will drop. A person can take out from childhood an attitude towards sex, sexuality as something dirty, shameful and then have problems in relationships, and not accept their genitals as part of themselves. All these problems can be combined in one child, and they are not always clearly visible.
It is important to create a calm environment. There should be no verbal and especially physical aggression. Think about what might have caused the child stress. After all, very often children calm themselves in this way. You can try to keep a diary, and then analyze what events happened on the day when the child was masturbating. Whether the regimen was violated, whether the baby was too overloaded, or, conversely, languished from boredom. This will help to adjust the child's lifestyle: in one case, reduce the load, in the other, on the contrary, increase it.
Masturbation and itching
One of the causes of children's onanism may be irritation in the genital area. The child experiences itching and begins to scratch the perineum. This process gives him pleasure, and he begins to call it again and again. Itching can be caused by uncomfortable clothing, but there can also be some medical conditions. In childhood onanism, children are usually tested for worms and inflammation. In addition, irritation can be caused by food allergies, so some doctors in this case advise limiting especially allergenic foods, such as citrus fruits, chocolate. Sometimes overfeeding a child can also cause such a reaction, but in this case, the reason is psychological - when food ceases to be enjoyable, the baby is looking for another source.
Treatment of onanism in children
Sometimes doctors prescribe medication for children's onanism, but most often it is enough to normalize the psychological situation and regimen. In the presence of neurosis or diseases such as worms, inflammatory processes or allergies, the disease itself is subject to treatment. In the meantime, it is important to put the child's diet in order, not to overfeed him.
Try to give him more time, as the habit is often formed from a lack of affection and attention. He should spend more time outdoors and communicate with friends more often.
Hello dear parents!
Today we will talk about a difficult, but exciting topic for many parents - child masturbation. What is this phenomenon? Is it dangerous? And how to react?
The "nature" of child masturbation
To date, medicine and ambiguous approach to this topic. Some say that masturbation in childhood- this is a completely normal phenomenon, an indispensable component of the development of the child, which can manifest itself already at an early age due to experienced excitement. It can appear accidentally: during sleep, while climbing on the playground, in response to physical irritation, with diaper rash, while the child is exploring his own body. Once having experienced such a sensation, the child may find it pleasant enough and will try to repeat it. And then the REASON for the appearance of this behavior becomes less significant, and the FREQUENCY comes to the fore. Other experts consider this behavior dangerous, sometimes even a harbinger of a more serious mental disorder.There are several types of classifications of this phenomenon. Psychologists also decided to keep up: so, in work D.N. Isaev and V.E. Kagan "Psychological hygiene of sex in children" various types of masturbation in children and adolescents are indicated, which is based on ideas about the various mechanisms of masturbatory behavior. However, let's not get scared ahead of time, but let's figure out when and why this happens.
infant masturbation
It occurs RARE, precisely as a behavior that can be called masturbatory. Visible in the 1st year of life, more often in girls. It is associated with brain dysfunctions, which may be a transient phase of development, but should sometimes be a concern for more serious brain damage. infant masturbation It is expressed in various manipulations with the genitals - frequent touching, rubbing and other forms of mechanical irritation, during which the child, as a rule, experiences pleasure, blushes, breathes noisily, and sweats.
preschool masturbation
It may be a consequence of interest in oneself and how everything works, having experienced pleasant sensations, the child may strive to repeat them. Most often, it occurs in a situation where the child is left to himself and, importantly, does not have other, alternative forms of realizing his interests and having fun.puberty-adolescent masturbation
In adolescence, masturbation becomes a mass phenomenon. I.S. Kon pointed out that in boys it grows after 12 years reaching its "peak" at 15 - 16 years old, when they do it 80-90% boys.teen masturbation
Is an means of discharging sexual tension, caused by physiological reasons, including: overflow of seminal vesicles, mechanical irritation of the genitals, etc. Along with this, there are also mental factors - an example of peers, the desire to test their potency, to have fun. It is often accompanied by vivid images, fantasies, often even the choice of quite certain partners in one's fantasies.
For mental disorders
Depending on their specificity, its manifestations are also different:- Symptomatic. As a result of direct irritation of the genital or close areas with infectious and somatic diseases, more often helminthiases, itchy dermatoses, and also in the absence of the necessary body hygiene.
- Frustration or Neurotic It occurs in preschool and school age, and is not directly related to sexual desire. The child is, for example, a high level of requirements at school, strict rules and prohibitions at home, additional education is also associated with concentration and concentration. A child everywhere needs to be disciplined, organized and concentrated. For any child, this is stressful, and if your child also has choleric temperament, then masturbation is the "salvation." It is the only discharge, it relieves the tension of the nervous system. A child, as a rule, after a “hard day” is looking for opportunities to masturbate, not for sexual satisfaction, but as a way to relieve tension, to discharge.
Sometimes masturbation begins in the first grade, when the child is in a constant state of stress, and an orgasm brings him temporary relief, distracting him from the threats coming from the teacher, classmates, etc. Some children begin to masturbate slowly right in the lesson: during the control, before going out to the blackboard. However, children never engage in masturbation for show, and it is important to know that if this does happen, then it is better to consult a psychiatrist here.
Is it dangerous? Why are adults so scared?
Most often, masturbation is a part of the cognitive process of oneself, one's body, as well as an adaptive-compensatory mechanism for obtaining positive emotions and sensations during stress and other psychophysical and emotional uncomfortable states. Well, and one more function - sexual discharge in adolescence until the moment of finding the object of love and affection.By her own Masturbation is not dangerous if:
- it does not have a pretentious nature with the use of foreign objects that can harm the child.
- if masturbation is episodic and not compulsive as an everyday ritual.
Despite the rather large amount of information, most parents, the fact of "playing with the genitals" of their child is very alarming. The state of panic often prevents parents from properly responding to the appearance child masturbation. What kind of fears do not overcome caring parents: and “is he normal”, and “isn’t it too early to do this”, and “whether the child will then be able to live a normal sexual life at all”, and “won’t he (she) hurt “there” that something."
And it must be said with certainty that ONLY the wrong reaction of adults can cause harm here. In case of AGGRESSIVE behavior of adults (ridicule, intimidation, disclosure, including among peers, anger, harassment of a child, clapping hands and other parts) the baby may have a connection of sexual sensations with fear and shame, which will have a very negative impact on his future. The shame that surrounds everything related to gender and related organs can lead to the fact that, as an older child, the child does not tell you about a situation that requires intervention. (for example, about harassment by an adult or older child), after all, the child will be afraid of the DISSATISFACTION of parents related to the topic of sex and the body even more than a potential rapist. And this is deadly!
In the long term, such "ostrich policy" backfires with the inability to discuss certain intimate issues with a partner, not to mention the difficulties associated with the perception of one's body as something dirty and shameful. Even more serious consequences of inadequate adult response can lead to improper formation of sexuality, which is expressed in reduced potency in men, and the absence or even the very arousal in women.
If a significant person for the child persistently inspires him that he has vicious inclinations, then sooner or later the baby will try to justify such assumptions. In case of ignoring this behavior and trying to pretend that everything is normal by parents, the child can simply “GET USED” to this form of behavior as the only accessible and quick way to achieve the goal (stress relief, for example).
What to do?
The correct perception and reaction of parents, as we have discussed, when the fact of masturbation of a child is discovered is much more important than the fact of this phenomenon itself.Psychologists suggest following a few simple principles:
- the appearance of masturbation as a phenomenon of cognition should not cause alertness - its consolidation and an increase in the facts of repetition should prompt an analysis of the causes;
- a strict ban on masturbation can only stimulate interest in it and its use;
- do not make the topic of masturbation significant in the family circle;
- there is no reason to perceive child masturbation, arousal identical to adult sexual arousal, especially at an early age;
- you should not encourage the use of masturbation by the child (show films, programs that promote this, as well as create soil, excessive caresses of an adult, kisses in the groin, buttocks, tickling, as well as close, noisy violent games before bedtime).
- Calmly and calmly, using medical, physiological language, explain to your child that these are intimate organs and excessive touching or stimulating them is unhygienic, can damage the delicate tissue structure (without intimidating !!!);
- It's also important to explain to the child that this is very intimate and can't happen in public if the child is trying to pull it off, such as while climbing on the playground, which happens quite often!
- Be sure to monitor the hygiene of the child, so as not to provoke an additional reason in the form of itching;
- Timely provide the baby with medical care in case of specific diseases;
- Show attention and analyze (in what situations or after what events this is most likely to happen), think about possible alternatives. As other, more socially acceptable ways, you can relieve emotional stress and unobtrusively offer them to the child (increased physical activity, for example, in the form of training, walking, etc.).
Summarizing all of the above
early baby masturbation usually caused by NOT SEXUAL reasons at all, since puberty has not yet begun and the level of sex hormones is not high enough to force the child to discharge himself. There is no need to look for "corruption" in the child, to struggle with "bad inclinations", to be ashamed, etc. On the contrary, if child masturbation caused you a violent reaction and similar thoughts, then perhaps you need help in acquiring an adequate attitude towards the body and its vital functions rather than a child. So you need not to scare him and yourself with the consequences, punish, worry and fantasize about a possible negative future, but try to calm down, follow the above recommendations or seek more thoughtful help from a pediatrician and a child psychologist.
Take care of yourself and your children!
Sincerely, child psychologist, ava-therapist Lyudmila Vorobyova
([email protected])
Issues of health and hygiene are inextricably linked with the emergence of bad habits in children. Such examples include masturbation in children. Onanism - artificial irritation of the genital organs - is especially harmful because of the detrimental effect on the development of the child's body, on the state of his nervous system. Such children are usually pale, with blue circles under the eyes, sometimes with a slightly puffy face. The eyes lose their brilliance, the child hides them, there is no direct, open look. These children are lethargic, get tired quickly, are not interested in games, peers, shun the team, children's society. Prolonged masturbation leads to mental retardation, to dulling of memory, to a sharp decrease in abilities and to poor academic performance in schoolchildren, and in advanced cases, to serious mental illness.
Causes of child masturbation may be the following:
1. Pinworms. Not everyone knows that worms, and especially some of their types, often cause bad habits in children. This applies to small worms, pinworms. They live in the rectum and usually crawl out on the skin of the perineum at night, causing unbearable itching. Insomnia appears, the child is nervous, combing the skin in this area. In girls, itching becomes even more common as the pinworms crawl to the outer genital area.
Scratching in the perineum and genitals provoked by itching leads to onanism. That is why it is absolutely necessary for the preservation of health and in order to prevent the occurrence of this bad habit, to carefully treat helminthic diseases. In addition to the use of antihelminthic treatment, strict adherence to the hygiene of the child is of great importance. Clean hands, neatly trimmed nails, daily change of panties, boiling them and ironing them with a hot iron, washing the child before changing panties are no less important than the treatment prescribed by the doctor.
2. Prolonged loneliness of the child when he is left to himself and neglected. One example is indicative: a child under 3 years old was left alone without supervision in a room where he was locked up. Subsequently, when circumstances changed and the child was placed in better conditions, they noticed that he was hiding, looking for solitude. It turned out that the child was masturbating. It takes a lot of patience and tact to break a bad habit.
3. Masturbation often occurs in children doomed to a long stay in bed(bed rest) in relatively good or just good general condition. This is especially true for children suffering from certain heart diseases, such as rheumatic heart disease, when often without sufficient reason they keep the child in bed for a long time without even trying to occupy him with anything. Some parents pamper their children unnecessarily by keeping them in bed beyond measure when it is not indicated by a doctor: after the flu, sore throat, runny nose.
However, you should also not go to the other extreme and not put the child to bed when it is necessary in the interests of his health. While the child is in bed, observe him as carefully as we are accustomed to doing in relation to children on the street, in the park, in public places.
Tips for parents: what to do, how to deal with children's masturbation, treatment
- To prevent the occurrence child masturbation, follow the correct regimen in general, and especially the sleep regimen - spend a strictly established and always at the same time going to bed.
- Before going to bed, allow children only quiet games and walks in the fresh air; noisy games and conversations, long reading, spectacles, including television ones, are unacceptable.
- Have dinner two hours before bedtime, without spicy foods, strong tea, strong coffee.
- Empty your bladder before bed.
- Sleep on a hard bed in a well-ventilated room.
- Sew a long nightgown.
- When falling asleep, make sure that the child's hands are on top of the blanket or under the head.
- Make sure that in the morning the child does not stay in bed for a long time, but, upon waking up, quickly gets up. Always wake him up at the same time.
- After getting up, morning exercises (even for small ones), then water procedures (rubbing or dousing). Cold water treatments, like all hardening activities, play a huge role in the prevention and treatment of childhood masturbation.
- For children suffering from masturbation, cancel daytime sleep, replacing it with a walk in the air. Walking and playing in the air is useful for all children, and especially those suffering from masturbation. Take them out for walks in any weather.
- If the parents of a child suffering from masturbation accustom him to daily physical exercises, outdoor games, and older children to sports, then this habit can be successfully overcome. A healthy, cheerful, hardened child will not engage in masturbation.
- A very important link in prevention and treatment of child masturbation- labor. Teach your child to help around the house, achieve purposeful, properly organized, always carried out at the same time work on preparing homework. Keep such a child busy, give him various tasks (draw, cut, mold something, and so on).
- Watch your speech, show restraint in conversations, do not say in the presence of the child what he is not supposed to know.
- Be delicate, tactful and modest in your intimate relationships so that the child does not become a witness to what he should not observe and which, if not understood, can leave a traumatic mark on his child's psyche.
- Fighting masturbation don't humiliate child, do not yell at him or punish him.
- Do not sew special clothes for children attending kindergarten (for example, tying special shorts, etc.). Such constant evidence of his vice leads to humiliating conversations, ridicule, which will further alienate the child from his peers. But the society of children, the team, joint games and activities that are useful to captivate such a child are one of the means of his treatment.
According to the magazine "Family and School", 1962
You accidentally witnessed your child masturbating. Are you completely confused, is your baby really going to grow into a sexual maniac or a pervert?
Your first natural impulse is to scold and punish so that this never happens again!But are your conclusions and methods of influence correct?
No panic! Let's figure it out.
What is child onanism?
Childish masturbation is when a child caresses himself (engages in masturbation), this is a fairly common phenomenon, of course, undesirable, but there is nothing particularly tragic or shameful about it. And you don't need to be punished for it.
It has nothing to do with adult onanism (after puberty). In fact, the manipulation of the genitals in a child is no different from combing the sore. After all, the mechanism of sexual satisfaction in children has not yet been formed, and the “relaxation” typical of adults never sets in.
The vast majority of children (almost all boys, and the vast majority of girls). Initially, it is associated with the emergence of interest in one's own body, an absolutely normal stage in development. And the genital area is very rich in nerve endings and, touching it, the child experiences new sensations.
The child can discover other erogenous zones in himself, in addition to the genitals, and begin to stimulate them. This can be thumb sucking (usually a large one) or any other objects, heel scratching, back stroking, again - prolonged sitting on the toilet (potty). But this does not cause a panic reaction among others, although the nature of these phenomena is absolutely the same as with irritation of the genital organs.
At what age is onanism observed in a child?
Onanism can be observed in a child already at the age of 4-6 months, when the child suddenly tenses up, blushes, and then goes limp and falls asleep. As a rule, parents in these cases immediately think about the appearance of seizures in the child. Many note that their children sit on the toilet for a long time (and those who are younger - on the potty), overlaid with toys or picture books.
Why is it asked? Constipation? Yes, it is constipation and some pelvic floor muscle tension is required. And this tension is transmitted to the genitals - there are pleasant sensations that the child wants to repeat again and again. This is fixed in the brain, in the subcortical structures of the brain, and the child is looking for ways to create pleasant sensations again and again.
Is child masturbation a problem?
By themselves, touching any areas of your body is not at all a manifestation of some kind of disease. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The problem lies in the reaction of adults to this event, as a rule, it is a strong fright, which is always and very quickly transmitted to the child. He begins to think that he is doing something disgusting and nasty, and if the parents or grandparents or caregivers complete the cycle of wrong actions and scold, then the child begins to feel like a very, very bad boy (or girl).
This fear, this low self-esteem can become the root cause of big problems: from the loss of trust in relationships with adults to gross violations in the subsequent sexual life, perceiving it as something unworthy, disgusting.
Of course, the inadequate reaction of adults to children's masturbation is directly related to the level of development of society, its tolerance for various human manifestations.
At the everyday level, children's masturbation is seen as something vicious, but meanwhile, almost everyone is engaged in children's masturbation, and sexual disorders (too early sexual development, pathological sexual desire, early, so-called "school" pregnancies and abortions) still suffer from limited part of the population.
Very often a person is disgusted by precisely that which is repressed and unrealized in him.
Another important detail: the idea that a child touching his genitals will certainly cause him arousal is not a rule at all. On the contrary, the child can soothe himself in this way. Many children fall asleep more easily after masturbation.
How to respond to children's masturbation?
The best thing you can do is not react at all. If the child does this in public, he should not be scolded and called names, he should be distracted (but not at all with a slap), because this can cause a negative reaction in others. Perhaps you will be reassured by the fact that modern children's doctors for the most part do not consider children's onanism a manifestation of ill health.
Moreover, they even see their positive aspects in it. Indeed, in itself, a rush of blood to the genitals, caused by onanism, is the prevention of genitourinary infections, which are not uncommon at an early age.
When do you need to worry?
When a child has behavioral disorders, frequent crying, dissatisfaction with everything and everything. He begins to sleep poorly, wakes up at night, he has various obsessive movements. Here in these cases, the movements associated with masturbation become on a par with other obsessive movements. Then he can start masturbating in public.
As a rule, parents in most cases live in happy ignorance and do not even suspect that their child is engaged in masturbation, if only because he does it alone, when no one is at home, or when everyone is already asleep. A normal child, with normal socialization, deep down realizes that masturbation should not be advertised.
If he begins to do this anywhere, regardless of whether there are people around or not, then he is not able to control his desires and movements.
In this case, persistent onanism can be a manifestation of nervousness, since it is, although pathological, but still a way to relieve nervous tension, preventing the appearance of neurotic disorders.
What are the causes of child onanism?
1. The characterological features of the child, namely, an active, often indomitable temperament and the corresponding increased need to discharge the accumulated mental stress.
Ceteris paribus, onanism is more often manifested in girls who prefer communication with boys, and in boys with pronounced boyish behavioral traits.
2. Improper upbringing (excessive severity, limitation of activity, numerous prohibitions and frequent physical punishment), in which the child feels unwanted, unloved, lonely. It bothers and torments him so much that he tries to distract himself in order to compensate for his loneliness.
If a child at this moment accidentally discovers that masturbation drowns out his anxiety, makes life more pleasant, then he will consciously engage in it.
3. Problems of emotional contact with parents, which increase with a lack of affection, parental warmth, early departure of the mother to work, transfer of the child to relatives and nannies.
Such children are not frank with their parents. Hiding many of their feelings and experiences, they often live in their own imaginary world, closed from others, in which they compensate for the lack of love and warmth from adults. Masturbation becomes for them a kind of "compensation".
By the way, children's onanism is very common in children's homes. Abandoned, deprived of affection, children literally from the cradle begin to caress themselves.
4. If the child found out that the family was expecting a child of the opposite sex. He is a boy, and dad needs a girl... The experiences and suffering of a child can also find their way out through masturbation.
5. Force-feeding. When parents are at war with the baby, they push it in, forcing them to eat everything. This is most common in children with neuropathy who are underweight and have insufficiently active digestive juices.
If normally a child enjoys food, its taste, then with force-feeding, especially children with neuropathy, this does not happen. Moreover, the very process of eating is accompanied by negative emotions, and the food seems not only tasteless, but also unpleasant, causing nausea and vomiting.
As a result, one of the sensitive zones of the body is switched off from the normal process of developing a sense of the body. And since the mucous membrane of the lips and mouth is reflexively connected with the genital area, the "silence" of one reflex zone makes the other, in this case, the genital zone, "speak" ahead of time.
Her prematurely increased excitability creates tension, which is temporarily eliminated through onanism. The baby begins to touch his genitals. If you continue to force-feed the baby, it will continue to discharge. The habit is fixed for a long time.
6. Non-compliance with hygiene, excessively tight clothing, itching in the genital area with diathesis, worms, diaper rash leads to the appearance of specific sensations and the desire to cause them.
7. Psychological infection when adults are in the same bed with a child, caress the child excessively and kiss on the lips, rock on the leg or follow hygiene measures too carefully (washing in girls) - all this can lead to the premature appearance of specific genital sensations and the desire for them reproduce.
8. Very often we lose sight of such an obvious circumstance: a child is the product of two parents, and not one of them, no matter how different these people may be. Therefore, children love both parents and react extremely painfully to any conflicts between them.
It is ruthless, even, moreover, criminal to make them allies or prosecutors in family troubles, and even wars. Children are very dependent on the authority of their parents, and such “games” are unlikely to make them your supporter, and they will definitely cause an inferiority complex.
In addition, children tend to exacerbate their own problems in the hope that parents, in the face of children's misfortune, will forget their feuds and, finally, make peace with each other.
Persistent masturbation may well be a means of pressure on parents. The situation in the family is normalizing, and the child himself can abandon the ugly habit.
9. Physical punishment (spanking, spanking) contributes to a rush of blood to the genital area, involuntarily sexually arousing the child.
10. Imitation of the elders - if the child saw in the cinema, accidentally saw parents or older children with increased sexual interest.
11. The clinical prerequisite for onanism is an increased level of excitability, mostly as a manifestation of neuropathy against the background of minimal brain dysfunction (which may occur due to the pathology of pregnancy, less often childbirth).
Another manifestation of this condition is a sleep disorder: difficulty falling asleep, restless, superficial, interrupted sleep. A long stay in bed without sleep provokes the manifestation of onanism, as there is anxiety and a desire to eliminate it.
How to prevent children's onanism?
Remember, masturbation is a way to discharge nervous tension. If your child has it, look for the sources of tension. Do not attach undue importance to onanism.
Your threats to the baby are worse than masturbation itself. It is they, and not masturbation, that can cripple the future of a child. What happened seems to have several causes. Your child is undoubtedly experiencing a lack of attention and warmth from their parents.
Physical contact with the child is of great importance. Children who are caressed by their parents grow up much more calm, balanced, and benevolent.
Give children more affection! This can be done without any deliberateness: a child passes by you on some business - stroke him on the head, kiss him just like that, you don’t need a reason for this!
Putting to bed, sit next to him, tell something, again stroking the child. A caressed child will later become a loving and tender parent.
It is very important to understand that children want to be loved only for what they are. Believe me, a child who receives love and affection from parents “for himself”, and not for a good deed, will be more attentive to his parents, their problems, worries, and needs.
And the last. Make it a rule to walk in the fresh air, even small walks before going to bed often have a magical effect: after all, you can talk to your always busy mom or dad and get tired so that sleep will come by itself. Favorable effects are provided by water procedures that increase the feeling of the body. Enroll your child in the sports section, play more outdoor games with him.
By listening to these simple recommendations, you are likely to forget about this bad habit. But if, in spite of everything, attempts to masturbate still take place, you should contact a gynecologist or urologist (depending on the sex of the child) to exclude the inflammatory process in the urogenital area, which can cause itching in the perineum.
Then a visit to a neurologist is advisable, and only then to a psychologist and, especially, to a psychotherapist.
What to do if the child is engaged in masturbation?
Find the cause and try to fix it.
- Do not force feed your baby.
- Dress your baby in loose clothing and underwear.
- Make sure the child falls asleep immediately. If necessary, give soothing decoctions and potions (after consulting a neurologist).
- Increase the physical activity of the child: sports sections, walks in the fresh air.
- Hug, caress, kiss the child more often. Give him more attention.
