Greetings, dear readers! Often the parents of a shy child 2 — 5 years do not see this as a big problem. Still would! Modest shy child– it's comfortable. His tomboy peers rush about like crazy, stuff bumps, pull the tails of unfamiliar dogs, and in all sorts of other ways keep moms and dads in good shape. And the parents of a modest girl on a walk can relax and meditate on the clouds floating in the sky. They know for sure that their child, clinging to the parental leg with both hands, will not go anywhere. Even if other children call him to play, the shy kid will prefer to stay under the cozy wing of a relative.
Other mothers on the playground, taking off their tomboys from the highest hill or digging out of the bowels of the sandbox, look enviously at the calmly sitting baby. There's just nothing to envy here."Comfortable" the baby is really suffering from her shyness . The baby would also be happy to run with other children, but that's just not daring to approach them.
Shyness - a norm or a pathology?
Slight shyness - an absolutely healthy phenomenon during the adaptation of a person to a new situation for her. And it doesn't matter how old this person is- 3 years, 6 years or 11.
Shyness at the first contact with a stranger or a team is quite natural. We, too, can feel a little stiff when talking to strangers. But if there are no problems with communication, the feeling of embarrassment disappears in just a few minutes.
Shyness not harmful in small doses. Surely you have seen how children, having just met, cling to their parents and are reluctant to make contact. But after half an hour– these are friends, not spilling water, chatting about everything in the world and inventing interesting games on the go.
Quite a different thing– painful closure. If a daughter or son suffers from pathological shyness, parents may notice how the child literally loses the power of speech when strangers turn to him, trembles, blushes or turns pale, and even perspires. Such a kid is shy not only of strangers, but also of those people he meets every day.
Parents of a shy child are familiar with when a sobbing child has to be literally torn off from oneself and forcibly stuffed into a group. Every day they hear complaints that their son or daughter is silent in class and does not even complete elementary tasks. And at matinees, while other parents burst with pride, moms and dads of the shy baby blush. After all, their baby is afraid of panic public speaking, stutters and barely audibly hums a rhyme that he recited perfectly at home.
Do not wait until natural timidity takes on pathological forms. If you notice the first signs of unhealthy shyness in your child, immediately begin to fight it. Parents need to know how to overcome shyness in a child they are quite capable of dealing with this problem on their own. And an article on how to help a son or daughter , will be a good help in this.
How does shyness affect a child's life and future?
Painful timidity entails many problems. We list only the most common.
Lack of communication with all the ensuing consequences
No matter how hard the parents try to compensate the child for the lack of friends, nothing can replace his communication with peers. And if communication skills do not develop from childhood, then in the future, instead of a cute shy kid, you will see a teenager suffering from a whole bunch of complexes.
Psychologists who work with difficult children know that many teenagers start using alcohol and drugs only because they are influenced by them. are liberated and can communicate with peers on an equal footing.
Yes, and you, for sure, are familiar with cases when a quiet, calm teenager, from whom his parents blew dust particles, suddenly changed dramatically. Just yesterday he schools hurried home and spent all the evenings at home. And today, his dad and mom wipe their tears and complain that their beloved child is in bad company, swears and even comes home drunk. It is especially frightening if .
Burying talents in the ground
A shy child can be very capable. But shyness does not allow him to show his talents in public. That is why timid children, no matter how artistic abilities they have, never solo at matinees. They become more comfortable« third violin» and get lost in the crowd than be the center of attention.
Low academic performance
Even if the student knows the lesson by heart, at the blackboard he cannot clearly answer the teacher's question. The child will stutter, stutter, confuse words, covered with a crimson blush under the laughter of the class. The next time, he would rather say that he did not learn his lesson and get a deuce than to relive the shame in front of his classmates.
Outcast in the team
Remember the golden school years. Many in the class had a downtrodden quiet guy, over whom hooligan classmates quietly teased or even openly mocked. The one who has become the object of ridicule is in a state of constant stress. Studying for him becomes a real torture.
It is not surprising that such children are looking for any excuse to stay at home or begin to play truant. school . If something like this happened to you, learn how to get out of a situation where .
Difficulties in adulthood
Alas, the problems of a shy child do not dissipate over the years, but only get worse. An adult who suffers from shyness often fails to get a good job because he becomes shy in interviews. interferes with building relationships, showing feelings for the person you like and often becomes the cause of loneliness.
Agree, the prospects are quite unenviable. And if so, in no case do not let the situation take its course in the hope that"shyness outgrows" and shyness will dissolve on its own. Only your daily support will help the baby overcome shyness and live life to the fullest.
What not to do
Before you know how help child to defeat shyness, I will talk about what you should never do in order not to aggravate the situation.
Do not enroll your child in circles and sections
Exception - if he asks you to. But you don’t need to drag your child to dances or karate against his will. Parents are guided by good intentions. They think that in this way the child will communicate more with peers, reveal talents and cease to be shy.
And it turns out the opposite. Children, who already find it difficult to contact others, are squeezed even more. In the classroom, it seems to the child that everyone is looking at him and laughing if something does not work out. There can be no question of any increase in self-esteem in such an environment.
Stop shaming him or, conversely, justify
Even if, when strangers appear, the child hides behind your back, do not focus on this. Accept his behavior as normal. If you start tearing it off your leg and forcing« say hello to uncle» , the child will experience severe stress. Also, do not justify the behavior of the baby, explaining to others what you have. shy coward. The child will remember your words and perceive it as an installation.
Do not create critical situations
Some believe that if the child stays with strangers more often, he will have to communicate with them and he will stop being shy. Do not listen to such advice . If you leave a child in the care of strangers and leave, he will take it as a tragedy. He is unlikely to become more sociable after such a diversion, but his you can noticeably decrease.
How to beat shyness
Encourage communication with others
Do not require your child to make small talk. It is enough that he greets at the meeting, says"thank you" or "please" . When this stage is completed, proceed to the simplest dialogues. And it does not matter that the baby will first answer questions in monosyllables - he is not silent, and this is already a victory.
Make up stories
Surely the child has a favorite plush bunny. Make him the hero of your stories and every day tell your baby how the shy hare got into different situations and learned overcome timidity. Invite the child to come up with how the hero acted in certain conditions.
Wake up emotions
Shy children often hold back their emotions. Your task is to teach the child to show them and not be ashamed. With the smallest, you can just make faces - laughter and good mood are provided to you.
With older children, you can play games where, with the help of gestures and facial expressions, you need to explain a word or action to other players. If the child is shy, you start. Carried away by guessing, soon he himself will want to guess something for you.
invite guests
Naturally, this should not be a noisy company in which it is very easy to get lost. Call friends with the baby for tea. It is desirable that the guest be about the same age as your offspring - so they will quickly find common ground.
Help your child find friends
Are you going to the playground? Take more toys with you. So you will interest other children and they will come to you to meet and play. If communication is not going well for children, do not sit on a bench with an indifferent look. Start a game with your child that other children can join in.
Stop trying to control your child
Shy children often fall under the influence of children with leadership qualities. Therefore, no matter how pleased you are with the fact that your beloved child finally has a friend, take a closer look at him before encouraging friendship. If you notice that a son or daughter listens to an imperious comrade in everything, tactfully limit their communication. Your child needs a reliable friend, not someone who will push them around like a slave.
Boost your child's self-esteem
This does not mean that you will ignore negative manifestations and sing praises around the clock. However, every striving for independence should be an occasion for praise.
Bad deeds should be discussed in a constructive way. Do not yell at the baby and do not punish him. Find out why he did what he did, and discuss how you should behave in a similar situation next time.
Read specialized literature
Many useful recommendations can be found in the book of a practicing psychologist Philip Zimbardo . His book « shy child» – a real treasure trove for parents of shy children. Taking advantage advice, you will help the child to be liberated , to feel self-confidence and begin to communicate on equal terms with peers.
Another find for parents will be a book by a domestic psychologist Shishova . This is a great guide to help overcome childish shyness. Exercises and games from the book « Disenchant the Invisible» Designed for children from 5 to 14 years old. With their help, you can emotionally develop the child, reduce anxiety and help overcome shyness.
Contact a psychologist
If you see that you can’t cope on your own, visit a psychologist. There is nothing to be ashamed of. The specialist will talk with the child and choose the best option for correcting behavior. For some children, group trainings are suitable, while others need individual work with a psychologist.
As you can see, it is not so difficult to overcome shyness and help a child to be liberated. Work on it daily, praise your son or daughter for every achievement, and very soon you will see significant results. Or maybe you have already managed to overcome the shyness of your child? Be sure to share your experience in the comments!
Reading 8 min. Views 310 Published on 02.06.2019
When you see calm parents in the yard, and a quiet baby next to them, the first thing that comes to mind is how lucky they are that the child is so obedient. Meanwhile, there is nothing to envy here.
Yes, parents of a shy child can afford to relax on a walk. Their child will not get into trouble, they will not offend him. Yes, and the baby himself does not seem to express a desire to leave the cozy care: his peers called to play, but he did not go.
In fact, a child does not go to children not at all because he is so interested in being with his parents: this is not so. He would really like to run a race with other kids and tinker with them in the sandbox. But shyness prevents you from starting a conversation. What to do if the child is shy? Let's figure it out.
Modesty: a positive or a negative trait?
A little shyness is inherent in everyone. This is a tool for adaptation and a child to a new event, which works both at 4 years old and at 14.
Even an adult, being in an unfamiliar environment, experiences a slight timidity. What can we say about babies.
Natural shyness gives the individual time to assess the situation and form their attitude towards it.
Remember how at first children can be very shy when they get to know each other. But half an hour passes - and they are already excitedly communicating, secretly and inventing exciting games.
Humble kids are endearing. They do not behave defiantly in society, well-mannered and friendly, ready to help. The modest girl is especially charming, she causes universal approval.
On the other hand, an overly shy child is not able to overcome his fear of communicating with people. He is afraid to make new friends, cannot be liberated in games, communicate normally.
This applies not only to new situations, but also to everyday communication. In a preschool child, isolation is manifested in a reluctance to attend kindergarten. Sometimes a child who is beating in hysterics must literally be torn off his leg in order to be handed over to the teacher.
Over time, children's shyness increases if you do not pay attention to it. The child withdraws into himself, it is increasingly difficult for him to make contact.
Having matured, he will perceive communication with the opposite sex as a burden, and not as a pleasure. Excessive shyness makes people inconspicuous and unsuccessful.
How does shyness affect a child?
It is noted that the greatest manifestation of isolation is observed in children of preschool age. At the age of 5, they need a respectful attitude towards themselves from adults and peers.
In a preschool institution, the baby is left without the comfortable guardianship of his parents. He must communicate with teachers, children, participate in competitions, answer in the classroom.
Faced with the need for independent action, a timid child withdraws into himself, which manifests itself in:
- Embarrassment, the desire to avoid communication: the baby blushes, turns pale, avoids eye contact, looks for a place where you can be alone;
- low achievement, including at school: self-doubt leads to the fact that the kid refuses to answer in class, even if he knows the material perfectly;
- aspiration become invisible: the child wants to disappear into the crowd, afraid to show feelings and thereby attract attention.
Shy children have increased sensitivity and anxiety, which manifests itself in the fear of sleeping with the lights off or alone. Emotional tension finds a way out in creativity, reading, the virtual world, where the child is free from self-assessment by outsiders.
Lack of communication leads to a violation of the ability to express thoughts in words. Uncommunicative children have a poor vocabulary, and anxiety can cause stuttering and other speech defects.
It is said that shy children have low self-esteem. This is not always true, on the contrary. Very often a child considers himself good, better than others, but it seems to him that others underestimate him, treat him worse than he deserves.
Great dependence on outside opinions about oneself makes the child experience stress at every contact with others. The kid is more concerned about how others will react to his actions or words than the content of the classes.
The constant question: “What will other people think of me?” interrupts the desire to learn new things, to enjoy the process itself.
What causes shyness?
With age, the child becomes more aware of timidity. Unsuccessful attempts to control it lead to self-doubt. A teenager seems to himself stupid, helpless, unworthy of anything good.
Thus, self-doubt is not the cause of childhood shyness, but the result of fear of communication.
The baby can become timid for other reasons:
- excessive demands, presented to the baby. When a child is often criticized for mistakes, an untidy room, bad behavior; when something is forbidden “because I said so” or punished without bothering to explain the reason for the displeasure and tell how it should have been done, then the child would rather prefer not to do anything so as not to anger the adult. He's just afraid to arouse disapproval.
- Unfavorable family situation. If at home a child often beats, screams and insults, he will be afraid to make contact, believing that such relationships are the norm for everyone and trying to rid himself of what is unpleasant for him. He can become tense or, conversely, pugnacious. Aggression is also a way to isolate yourself from communication with others. An aggressive kid is not bad: he is just afraid that he will be offended.
- Home education. When a baby is often sick or even homeschooled, his contacts with peers are drastically reduced. Lack of experience in building relationships with people leads to isolation.
- Overprotective parents. This is the case when good intentions do more harm than good. The constant accompaniment of the child, the prohibition to leave the zone of visual control, the deliberate and frequent criticism of other children in the presence of his child, as well as the imposition of his opinion, make him an infantile personality.
How to help your child thrive
If a child is shy in kindergarten, Dr. Komarovsky recommends establishing communication with the children from the group outside the preschool. So the adaptation of the crumbs will be more painless. Knowing that Dima and Nastya also go to kindergarten, the baby will follow their example.
In addition, going to the group in the morning, he will know that he will meet friends there.
Sometimes adults do not know how to liberate a child.
- Let your child feel important, and for this, entrust the crumbs with simple things. For example, in the store, ask to put the products out of the basket, at home - to bring the right thing.
- Consult with your child. By participating in the discussion of issues, the baby feels like an adult. In addition to realizing his own value, he acquires the skill of expressing thoughts aloud, as well as defending his opinion.
- Get outside more often. Accustomed to being in society, the baby will perceive it as an integral part of life. You should not demand that the crumbs necessarily participate in children's games: it is enough that he observes how the guys behave in different situations. Seeing that the kids are having fun, he will also eventually want to join them.
- Invite children to visit: houses and walls help. If you are thinking about how to teach a child not to be shy, make him the master of the situation. Accepting peers on their territory, showing their favorite toys, the baby feels confident.
- Encourage the expression of emotions. Shy kids often hold back their feelings. The task of parents is to give them a way out. Sometimes it’s enough to make faces for the baby to burst into happy laughter. Show your child that showing emotions is good. The Crocodile game helps a lot, where you need to guess by facial expressions what the participant is trying to show.
How to help a shy student
Often shyness causes poor school performance, as the child is afraid to answer in class in front of the whole class.
Psychologist's advice to parents of timid children: do not push.
Phrases like “Tomorrow you will go to the blackboard and answer!” or “What will become of you if you can’t even raise your hand?” won't help.
Criticism is welcome only in a positive way. When you notice that your child is shy at school, try to help him. A soft offer to involve a class teacher with the consent of the student will do.
For example, you can say this: "Let me talk to your teacher, and we will all try to find a way out together."
It is important to give the child confidence that parents and teachers are his allies. A good solution would be for the teacher to give the student written assignments instead of oral ones. If an oral answer is necessary, the student can do it not in front of the whole class, but separately, for example, at a break, when classmates went into the corridor.
Conclusion
If you can’t overcome shyness, don’t expect the problem to resolve itself.
Seeking psychological help will help you find a way out of the apparent impasse in a timely manner. A psychologist at a school or clinic can suggest effective techniques for a child to overcome shyness.
One of the basic human needs is communication. What is natural for most children becomes a problem for others. For a shy child, the need to communicate is stressful. Asking for help, asking for time, meeting a new person causes awkwardness and discomfort.
Causes of children's shyness
In the period of development up to three years, most children are shy, this is not just shyness, but a protective reaction of the child to the world around him.
During this period, children may be frightened of the unknown, hide, run away, or simply refuse to communicate with strangers. This situation should not worry parents. This is fine. Having studied the psychology of shy children older than three years, several main causes of shyness can be identified.
Shyness at the genetic level
Experts believe that some children are prone to shyness from birth. Causal shyness can serve as a genetic predisposition.
That is, the child is shy by nature, these are not acquired qualities. Then you do not need to re-educate him, just adapt to life.
Low self-esteem
Often, shyness in a child appears due to self-doubt. He is not confident in his abilities, he is afraid that he will not succeed, he is afraid of hearing criticism addressed to him. The main thing here is to give the child confidence in himself and his abilities.
Overprotection of parents
If parents show excessive guardianship in relation to the child and protect him from any contact, this leads to the fact that he grows up as a closed person who does not know how to communicate with people. Such children grow up weak-willed and helpless, unable to fend for themselves.
Family Influence
It happens that parents themselves are timid and uncommunicative people. Looking at them, the child grows up the same quiet and self-contained little man.
Over-criticism
Many parents are often demanding of their children, they criticize for any reason, find shortcomings in any actions. And then they ask themselves why the child is very shy. One carelessly thrown phrase or joke on the part of not only parents, but also absolutely strangers can become a trauma for the rest of your life.
The child, before doing something, will think and hesitate for a long time, as a result, he may either not decide on any action at all or be late with a decision. Such a result will cause a wave of new fears and complexes.
All parents want the best for their child. They want him to grow up as an accomplished, self-confident person. And if the baby grows quiet and shy, he needs a little help to believe in himself. Children cannot cope with this problem on their own. The purpose of parents is to help them.
Tell your child about your shyness and how you deal with it. Give positive examples from your life.
Try to put yourself in the place of the baby, show participation in his problems. This will help the child feel the support behind his back, become more confident.
In no case do not criticize, do not set up in advance for defeat. This will create more doubts. Better help to believe in yourself, tune in to success.
Teach your child to treat any situation with humor, even to his own failures.
Help your child find the positive aspects of communication. Teach him to be friends. Encourage attempts to meet people, ask to play with children, make your own purchases in the store.
Try to consider with your child situations in which he is afraid to be. Practice what to say or do on a case-by-case basis.
Do not overestimate the requirements, set achievable goals for the child: recite a verse in front of an audience, ask a passer-by for directions.
Praise him, even for small accomplishments. This will boost his confidence.
Never scold him in front of strangers. This lowers your self-esteem even more.
How to liberate a shy child
A shy child needs to be liberated. Make believe in yourself. The first step is to teach the baby to love and respect himself, to develop self-esteem. Then he will not dwell on mistakes, past failures and react so sharply to comments addressed to him.
Most adults consider shyness a disadvantage and find a lot of negative aspects.
But there are positives to be found:
- Shy children are soft, calm, balanced.
- They are kind to people and animals.
- Rarely enter into conflicts or try to extinguish them at the initial stage.
- They act on the principle: do not treat others the way you do not want to be treated.
- They have more developed imagination and fantasy.
After reading this article, you now know what to do if your child is shy. The main thing is neither to overdo it nor go to extremes when he hides his timidity behind aggression.
Photo of a shy child
All children are like children, but yours looks like a beech at the kids on the playground and is afraid to tear himself away from his mother's hand? On the offer to say hello to your girlfriend - lowers her eyes to the ground and mutters something unintelligible? The idea of the performance of the child on (even the third bunny in the fifth row) seems absurd to you? Well, you have a shy little shy little one growing up!
Is this good or bad? Let's find out!
Shyness is biology
A small child experiences two periods of fear of strangers as it grows up. The first of them - at the age of about six months, when he already distinguishes well the faces of household members and is able to identify strangers. This is amusingly described by the American pediatrician Benjamin Spock in his book "The Child and Care for Him"
” Examining a three-month-old baby is a pleasure. When the doctor smiles and talks to him, he also smiles and moves his legs and arms with joy. A five-month-old baby behaves differently. When he sees an unfamiliar face, he freezes and tenses up with his whole body, looks inquisitively and suspiciously at the stranger for several seconds, then begins to breathe rapidly, his chin trembles and a desperate cry is heard. During this period, the child is easily frightened of everything unfamiliar.
The second period of "suspicion" falls on the beginning of the baby's socialization: he no longer sleeps while walking in a stroller, but actively explores the world next to his mother. And suddenly he discovers that in addition to mom, dad, grandmother, cat, there are many more unfamiliar living creatures in the world, and it’s not a fact that contact with them will be safe. This stage is typical for children 2-4 years old, and Dr. Spock does believe that the most suspicious people are one-year-old children.
” It seems to me that the most “suspicious” age is 13 months. When a doctor tries to examine a 13-month-old baby, he jumps to his feet and tries to slide off the table onto his mother's lap. He sobs and hides his face in his mother's chest like a little ostrich. He throws angry glances at the doctor from under his brows. But he immediately calms down as soon as the inspection is over. After a few minutes, he can look at the doctor's office with interest and even make friends with the "villain doctor."
So, shyness, fear of strangers - all these are completely natural reactions for a child who is learning to distinguish between the world into "us" and "strangers." There is no need to worry about this, on the contrary - the child’s readiness to make friends with everyone he meets and leave his mother with any aunt should cause anxiety.
Shyness: everything is good in moderation
If shyness is our natural reaction, then maybe we should encourage it? Indeed, how many times have we heard that “modesty is the best adornment of a girl”, and sticking oneself out to the fore is ugly and tactless.
Here it is worth saying that everything is good in moderation. Everyone has different characters, different temperaments; someone in any company feels like a fish in water, and someone experiences discomfort, becoming the center of everyone's attention.
” Where is the criterion of "normality"? It is simple: shyness should not interfere, neither a child nor an adult.
If, because of your shyness, you do not ask for directions in a foreign city, cutting circles along unfamiliar streets; not hearing important information, you are afraid to ask again; are not ready to introduce themselves to the person they would like to meet - you need to take urgent action!
And, of course, it is absolutely not necessary that the shyness of the child acquire such painful forms. How and why can this happen?
"School of shyness" - how a child begins to be shy
It happens that ordinary everyday situations become the reasons for the development of psychological complexes that are difficult to get rid of. Pay attention to such dangerous moments!
Failed performance
Even for self-confident kids, performing in front of an audience is stressful. Tightly memorized dance steps and lines of poetry evaporate by themselves from memory. Your head becomes ringing and empty, and you feel unusually stupid at the same time. It happened to you too, didn't it? After such failures, children sometimes have a mental equal sign: the audience = a stupid, uncomfortable position.
Rejected offer
Trying to meet other kids on the playground, join the game, can be deplorable. If the company has been having fun together for a long time, the rules of the game are well known to everyone, who wants to interrupt for the sake of a stranger? Particularly impressionable children do not even need their own negative experience - it is enough to be a spectator of such a scene in order to gain courage for years to get acquainted with a group of peers.
Steam locomotive and wagon
Children of cheerful, active, liberated parents often turn out to be shy. They simply do not have the slightest opportunity to show at least some initiative - between them and the world there is always a cheerful and energetic mother, who has already met the kids in the sandbox and has already entered into a gambling competition in making Easter cakes. At best, the child moves “in the wake” of the mother, and at worst, when she does not feel that the children do not accept her on their territory, she tries to distance herself from both the children and the mother. “What do you mean, I’m not with her, as you might think!” - as if the kid says, ruffled on the other side of the playground.
Ruthless Criticism
Finally, shy children grow up with strict perfectionist parents. "Do it perfectly or don't do it at all" - that's what they hear from childhood. But the first experience of anything will never be perfect, and the child is convinced that it is not worth demonstrating to the world either his works or talents, and it is better to keep himself, imperfect, in a corner.
How to help your child if he is too shy
Most of these situations, as you have already noticed, can be not only avoided, but allowed the child to act easily and effectively. True, there are many things to take care of in advance!
rehearse
When you work with a child at home, be sure to play everyday situations using dolls, cars, soft toys ... the theme of the game should be recognizable and very specific: meeting friends in the store, getting to know new characters. It is important that the child take turns taking part in such a game in all roles, remembering the stereotypical dialogues: hello, my name is so-and-so, but what is your name? As soon as the baby feels free in such a game, he will be ready to apply these skills in life.
Little trick: politeness helps with shyness! If your child automatically says "hello", "thank you", "please", "goodbye" - then he has already entered into a dialogue by 90%!
Teach useful tricks
Little trick: if new acquaintances are a little younger than your child, this will further strengthen his position and give him confidence.
Remember that parenting is an intimate process.
Little trick: when discussing a child with other people - relatives or acquaintances - behave in the same way as if you were talking about an adult.
And the last piece of advice: do not shield your baby with yourself, but be "in the access zone" so that he feels that he can always hide in your arms from the short-term storms of unfriendliness that happen in his amazing sunny world!
Shyness is one of the most complex and common interpersonal relationship problems. It gives rise to a number of very significant difficulties in dealing with people. It is difficult for shy people to get to know each other, in the course of communication they experience negative emotional states, have difficulties in expressing their opinions, are characterized by excessive restraint, do not know how to present themselves, are constrained in a society of people, etc.
Like most psychological problems, this feature has its roots in childhood. According to the observations, in many children shyness appears already at the age of three and can persist throughout preschool childhood. Almost all children who were shy at the age of three retained this quality until school. The severity of shyness during the preschool period undergoes changes. At the younger preschool age, it manifests itself the weakest, in the fifth year of life it sharply increases and again decreases by seven. In the fifth year of life, the increase in shyness has the character of an age-related phenomenon. Appearing during this period, this quality can remain a stable personality trait, darkening and complicating a person's life. It is extremely important to recognize this trait in time and stop its development.
In shy children, the behavior, as a rule, reflects the struggle of opposing tendencies: on the one hand, the child wants to approach an adult stranger, and even begins to move towards him, but as they approach, the steps slow down and the child stops, bypasses the person or comes back. Such behavior is called ambivalent.
During communication with strangers or when meeting with new circumstances, the child experiences acute emotional discomfort. Its signs are manifested in uncertainty, timidity, tension, expression of fear or anxiety. Children are afraid of any public speaking, they are even afraid of the need to answer the questions of a teacher or teacher in the classroom.
These features can be easily seen by observing the behavior of the child. Children who have them too often, especially in safe situations, are classified as shy.
The analysis shows that such children are highly sensitive to the assessment of an adult (both expected and real). Shy children have a heightened expectation of evaluation and perception. Luck calms and inspires them, but the slightest remark causes a slowdown in activity and a new surge of embarrassment and timidity. The child behaves extremely shyly in those situations in which he expects failure. In cases of difficulty, he hesitantly looks into the eyes of an adult, embarrassed to ask for help. From time to time, overcoming internal tension, he smiles shyly, shudders slightly and says quietly: “It doesn’t work out.” He is simultaneously unsure of the positive assessment of an adult and the correctness of his own actions. Shyness is manifested in the desire to attract attention to oneself, on the one hand, and the fear of being in the center of attention, standing out among peers, on the other. This feature is very clearly manifested at the first meeting of a child with an adult, as well as at the beginning of joint activities.
All difficulties in the child's communication with other people are closely related to the perception of the attitude of others and his attitude towards himself. The expectation of a critical attitude from adults determines his embarrassment and timidity. This is especially noticeable when communicating with unfamiliar or unfamiliar people, whose attitude towards him is unknown. Not daring to openly receive support, children resort to a very peculiar way of strengthening their "I", bringing with them to class a favorite toy, which they press to themselves in case of difficulty. The ignorance of the adult's assessment practically paralyzes the child; therefore, he tries with all his might to avoid this situation, or to switch the attention of the interlocutor to something else.
It is worth noting that the level of mental development of such children is in no way inferior to their peers. Very often, shy children perform much better than their non-shy peers. However, in case of a negative assessment or failure to achieve a result, they are less persistent. These children are characterized by an extremely acute experience of an adult's assessment, especially if it is negative, often paralyzing both communication and practical activity of the child. A non-shy child in such a situation rushes to an active search for a mistake and tries to attract the attention of an adult, while a shy preschooler lowers his eyes, shrinks externally and internally, feeling guilty for his ineptitude, and does not dare to ask for help.
Summarize. A shy child, strives to communicate with other people, treats them kindly, on the one hand. While on the other hand, he does not dare to show his needs and himself. The reason for such violations lies in the nature of the child's relationship to himself. The child has a fairly high self-esteem, considers himself very good, and at the same time doubts the benevolent attitude of others, especially strangers. The uncertainty of a shy child blocks his initiative, makes it impossible to satisfy the existing needs for full communication and joint activities to the fullest.
He worries too much. Increased anxiety often obscures content and communication and joint activities. Respect and recognition act as the main ones, obscuring business and cognitive interests, preventing the realization of abilities and communication. The painful experience of his own Self, his vulnerability constantly fetters the child, not giving him the opportunity to express his feelings, to openly show his often excellent abilities. However, in those situations when the child is distracted and "forgets about himself", he is just as sociable and open as his non-shy peers.
