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Problems of preparation for the family life of young people. Preparation for family life. What will we do with the received material?

One of the urgent problems of modern pedagogy is the integration of social institutions and the family in preparing the younger generation for family life, educating family values, which lay the foundation for harmonious relations in marriage. In the content of general secondary education, family pedagogy does not constitute a separate independent academic subject or discipline, therefore, the main burden in preparing students for future family life is placed on the class management system and interdisciplinary connections. Let us consider their educational potential, possible forms and methods of organizing training, the use of which in the school education system contributes to the formation of a school graduate's readiness for the role of a family man, spouse, parent.

In the conditions of the practice of class management, in the process of studying academic subjects of human studies content (literature, history, biology, foreign language, electives in psychology, world artistic culture, etc.), as well as getting acquainted with the authors of scientific discoveries, it is possible to implement the following areas of preparing children for family life:

disclosure of the legal side of family life and familiarity with the basics of marriage law and family values;
disclosure of changes in gender roles at the present stage of development of society and their reflection in family values, concepts of the essence and functions of the family, the role of father, husband, mother, wife;
disclosure of factors conducive to the combination of career growth (self-realization of a person in the profession) and family well-being, as well as factors preventing this;
teaching a culture of interpersonal interaction in the family (with children, spouse, parents);
disclosure of the essence and principles of family education.

In the world experience of integrating educational institutions and the family, the following forms and methods of work with secondary school students have developed, focused on the formation of readiness for family life.

Parent-student conference. The following are invited as speakers: parents of children who are recognized by their peers as loved by everyone due to their personal qualities and talent (their parents share their upbringing experience); parents of disabled children with physical disabilities (their stories about family joys, sources of happiness, despite the "injustice of fate" have a powerful pedagogical impact on listeners); parents who managed to overcome a difficult problem in raising a child, cause positive changes in his motivational and value areas. Studies have proven the positive impact of such conferences not only on parents, but also on the children present, to whom adults “entrusted” their problems.
Pedagogical lounge on family problems (for children and adults). Lounge is held on the basis of colleges and universities. Specialists studying the problems of family education and marital relations speak at it. They share the latest discoveries in this area, reveal and demonstrate the most effective models of interpersonal family interaction with concrete examples, conduct a master class with the participation of children and parents on mastering these models. Outstanding people who have successfully realized themselves in creativity are also invited to the living room, who tell how the family (parents and the current one) helped and helps them on their creative path, how they resolve the conflict between family priorities and career interests and other types of conflicts. The story is accompanied by slides and photographs.
Visiting orphanages with charity events. High school students take part in organizing leisure activities for orphans and identify those necessary components of education that require increased attention in order to compensate for the deprivation of parental care. Identification of these components helps them to better understand the functions of the family.
Empathic training: an attempt to understand the emotional state and feelings of a family member in a recent event (for example, how did the grandmother feel before going to the hospital? What worried her the most? Why did the mother agree to send her son to the camp and be alone with her feelings?). As a result of using this method, students develop the experience of penetrating the state of mind of another, predicting the feelings of family members.
Demonstration of feature films illustrating the culture of family communication, art, everyday life, ways to resolve conflicts in the family, elements of family support for a person experiencing difficulties at work, etc. Episodes of the film are followed by group analysis in the classroom.
Autofamily interview. As homework, teachers or a class teacher instruct children to learn from their parents what their parents (grandparents) considered important in their upbringing, what kind of relationship they had with each other. According to the story of the parents, the student conducts a comparative analysis between the model of communication of his parents with grandparents and the model of communication between parents and themselves (how the style of pedagogical communication of the older generation differs from the style of pedagogical communication of their parents), draws conclusions, justifies his choice in the style of communication with their future children.
Keeping a reflective family diary. In the diary, the teenager gives a description of family relations, comparison with other families, and conclusions about family values. Monitoring of this form of work with children is confidential and is carried out by an authorized specialist in the field of family psychology, subject to the written consent of the parents and constant feedback from them.

It should be noted that no less developing potential in preparing the younger generation for family life (and especially high school students) are the following methods of work, which also apply to work with the first year:

work with proverbs that captured folk wisdom regarding the problems of family relations of education;
creative projects on the art of family pastime (family holidays; technologies for creating a family tree;
case technologies devoted to family conflicts and role-playing games (it is important to be in different roles in order to feel the motives of each family member, each episode, replica is analyzed by the teacher and peers);
simulations of speech psychotechnics - modeling of a speech appeal to a family member in different situations (discrepancy of opinions, the need to discuss the child's bad behavior, a conversation with a family member who is angry or upset, convincing him that the choice of this decision is fair);
expert advice (trainees give their advice to a letter that was received by the editorial office under the heading “Family problems”, then compare their answer with the answer of a professional psychologist);
axiological discussions about family values, virtues, ethics of family communication (“What is the difference between empathy and pity? Which of these feelings helps to preserve the dignity of another person, what empathy can manifest itself in, and what is pity in the same situation of family communication?” , “Is it possible to disagree with a loved one and at the same time remain devoted to him?”, “What is the height of the courage of a father, mother, wife, husband?”);
cross-cultural analysis of family values, when students compared the values and traditions of family education in different cultures, highlighted the elements of common (patience, honesty, compassion and empathy, equality, nobility, responsibility for another, diligence for the sake of another, material and spiritual generosity, mutual respect, emotional support) and the special, were determined in the system of their own family values.

Thus, the above forms and methods of working with students, which have developed in modern secondary schools, are focused on educating the skills and abilities to find compromises with family members and to form readiness for a future family life.

The need to solve the problem of preparing young people for marriage and family relations is due to the very historical situation that has developed by the beginning of the third millennium and is characterized by an awareness of a new system of values, a new strategy and tactics of human behavior, and, consequently, new approaches to its education. The following tendencies in the development of society seem to us to be the most important.

Firstly, the current stage of social life is accompanied by an increase in the requirements of the social environment for the flexibility of human thinking and behavior, for independence and responsibility for one’s own destiny and the fate of other people, for the meaningfulness of the passage of life, understanding and resolving the contradictions of modern human existence in its various spheres, including marriage and family.

Secondly, in the current conditions, a family experiencing material and spiritual and psychological difficulties cannot always guarantee the full performance of its functions, which is a necessary condition for maintaining the continuity of generations, the development of the individual and society as a whole, social stability and progress, and therefore it is education should support the individual in a period of conscious and responsible search for ideals in life. It is necessary to consider the modern educational process at a university as an interaction between a student and a teacher, aimed at achieving a certain goal and leading to a positive transformation of the student's properties and qualities, planned by the teacher and accepted by the student.

Thirdly, in modern Belarus there is an acute issue of changing attitudes towards the family, namely, the need to consider the family as an intrinsic value. At the same time, the moral and ethical qualities of partners, the problem of satisfaction with marriage, and the requirements of spouses to each other are brought to the fore. The success of marriage and the stability of the family primarily depend on the personal readiness of individuals entering into marriage, their ability for self-development, self-improvement. Thus, in pedagogical theory there is an urgent need to look for ways to solve the problem of shaping the readiness of young people to create a family, which would be possible to apply in pedagogical practice.

The concept of "readiness" first appeared in experimental psychology in the works of B.G. Anan'eva, V.A. Krutetsky, D.N. Uznadze, and then it was transferred to the sphere of pedagogical and socio-psychological research. In the pedagogical literature, it is noted that readiness, in contrast to attitude, is characterized by an active nature and involves the development of the subject of pedagogical activity. V.A. Slastenin, describing the concept of readiness from pedagogical positions, defines it as "an integrative, significant quality of a person, which is a set of interrelated structural components, including personal and procedural aspects." The readiness of a person for marriage is made up of the biological, social and psychological maturity of a person.

In particular, the socio-psychological, emotional maturity of the spouses includes relative material independence from the parental family, freedom from parental control, the ability to take on family and marital roles and responsibility for the preservation of the family, the ability to take responsibility for their actions and for the consequences decisions made, the ability to adapt to a spouse, the ability to talk about significant emotions and feelings with a spouse and control them, etc.

Among the factors that determine the stability of young families, N.V. Malyarov highlights the readiness of young people for marriage. This is a system of socio-psychological attitudes of the individual, which determines the emotional and psychological attitude to the way of life, the values of marriage. Readiness for marriage is an integral category that includes a whole range of aspects:

1) The formation of a certain moral complex - the willingness of the individual to take on a new system of duties in relation to his marriage partner, future children. The formation of this aspect will be associated with the distribution of roles between spouses.

2) Readiness for interpersonal communication and cooperation. The family is a small group; for its normal functioning, the coherence of the rhythms of the life of the spouses is required.

3) The ability to selflessness in relation to a partner. The ability for such a feeling includes the ability for appropriate activity, based primarily on the qualities and properties of altruism of a loving person.

4) The presence of qualities associated with penetration into the inner world of a person - an empathic complex. The importance of this aspect is related to the fact that marriage by its nature becomes more psychological due to the refinement of a person as a person. In this regard, the role of the psychotherapeutic function of marriage increases, the successful implementation of which contributes to the development of the ability to empathize, understanding the emotional world of a partner.

5) High aesthetic culture of feelings and behavior of the individual.

6) The ability to resolve conflicts in a constructive way, the ability to self-regulate their own psyche and behavior. E.S. Kalmykova believes that the ability to constructively resolve interpersonal conflicts, using them to develop interpersonal relations between spouses plays a decisive role in the process of mutual adaptation of newlyweds. The components of readiness for seed life are also distinguished (Scheme 1.2).

Numerous studies by sociologists, psychologists, and educators show that a stable family can be created with a certain readiness of young people for family life. A.N. Sizanov claims that the concept of “readiness for family life” includes social, moral, motivational, psychological and pedagogical readiness, as well as sexual readiness.

Socio-moral readiness for family life presupposes civic maturity (compulsory secondary education, profession, level of moral consciousness, age), economic independence, and health. The developed moral consciousness of young men and women is one of the important conditions for readiness to create a family. It is manifested in young people's understanding of the social significance of the family, in a serious attitude to marriage, choosing a life partner, in a sense of responsibility for the family being created, in deep respect for the future spouse, representatives of the older generation and other family members, in sensitivity and tact in communicating with them. A developed moral consciousness presupposes a minimum of legal knowledge about the family, familiarity with the basics of family law, namely: the rights and obligations of spouses, parents, children, legal norms governing relations in marriage and the family. You can start a family at the age of 18, but the most favorable marriage age from a medical point of view for a woman is 20-22 years old, for a man - 23-28 years old, because. the body of a man reaches full maturity later than a woman. This age is favorable for the birth of healthy children. By this time, many young people acquire a profession, a certain economic independence appears. From a demographic point of view, it is important to increase the time for the birth of several children, since after the age of 30, not every woman will dare to have a second or third child. As for the psychological point of view, it is during this period that a person flourishes all psychological manifestations (memory, thinking, etc.), there is a greater plasticity of the processes occurring in the human psyche, their variability than at a more mature age. Young people get used to each other better than older people, whose views on many issues of family life have considerable stamina and inflexibility. Doctors consider the ratio of their age to be an important point that ensures the sexual adaptation of spouses. Sexologists argue that families in which the wife is older than the husband are overwhelmingly fragile. At the same time, the older the age of those entering into marriage, the greater the number of years the husband must be older than his wife. If, for example, a woman entering into marriage is 20-22 years old, then a man may be 24-26; if a woman is 25 years old, then a man is about 30, and so on. However, the maximum gap in the age of the spouses should not exceed 8-12 years. .

According to our survey among respondents, 91% believe that the most acceptable age for marriage is 20-30 years, and only a small part (about 6%) consider 30 and older. It is also positive that almost no one answered at the age of 16-18 (less than 2%), which means that the majority believes that marriage at an early age is unacceptable. 64% of respondents answered with confidence that marriage during their studies at the university will interfere and negatively affect their studies, 13% consider such a marriage possible and 23% consider it normal. 47% of respondents have a positive attitude towards marriage with representatives of different nationalities, 19% answered negatively, and the rest of the respondents (namely 34%) found it difficult to answer. The reason, in my opinion, is that many students have not yet decided on this position, or simply have not talked to their parents about this topic. 72% of the students surveyed noted that the fundamental motive for creating a family is love, as well as friendship and common interests; 24% - material wealth, 4% - independence and independence from parents. It is significant that, despite the growing role of money in the life of Belarusians, most young people value mutual feelings and common interests when creating a family, rather than material wealth.

T.M. Afanasyeva, for example, cites the fact that, according to sociological studies, modern brides, first of all, look for in their future companion ... intelligence, i.e. a very complex complex of the highest human properties. This is the mind, and erudition, and sensitivity, tact, internal and external culture. In second place is the attitude towards a woman as a friend, a caring attitude towards the family and children, then - a reasonable will, diligence, sobriety, a sense of humor, the desire for all-round perfection, physical beauty. Young men are looking for in their chosen ones, first of all, a combination of kindness, gentleness, dedication, femininity with fidelity to marital duty. But for them, the mind and business merits of a friend who will have to work on a par with her husband are also important.

For the majority of the young men surveyed, according to our study, the social status of the girl is not interested, 63% answered this way, but the girls have a different attitude to this issue, only 12% of the girls surveyed are not interested in the social status; 26% of the girls answered that they did not know, but 61% of the girls answered that the social status of the guys matters to them; in contrast to the guys, 20% of them answered this way. These figures confirm the fact that the representatives of the weaker sex have formed dependent attitudes. Of interest is the fact that 46% of respondents noted that in order to be confident in “tomorrow”, happiness, peace of mind, they need good wages, material support, money, at the same time, 39% chose a family, relatives, parents, as a "guarantor" of stability and prosperity; 15% - getting an education, a specialty, as well as social activities, personal freedom, significance.

Readiness to create a family and its well-being largely depends on the state of health of young people entering into marriage. Acquired in the process of life and work, harmony, ease of posture and movements is important in communicating with the opposite sex, in future family life. On the basis of developed physical qualities, it is easier for a person to develop moral ones: nobility, restraint, generosity, etc. A healthy lifestyle contributes to the development of a person’s spiritual culture, strengthening intra-family, friendly relations with people around them. At the same time, a person more easily overcomes psycho-emotional difficulties, stressful situations that sometimes occur in family life. Young people, when creating a family, of course, also think about the material side: solving the problem of housing, stable income. According to numerous studies, the factors of material and housing security do not directly affect the stability of the family. However, poor material living conditions often exacerbate conflict situations that arise for other reasons. Young people who are about to start a family, but do not have a solid foundation, usually have to listen to a lot of warnings. They are completely justified and fair. However, the creation of a family in this case has much more grounds than it seems to those who advocate good material security for the future family as a prerequisite. After all, a long postponement of marriage “until better times” is not always the wisest way out, and those who have reached a favorable age for marriage cannot always acquire economic independence.

Motivational readiness for family life includes love as the main motive for creating a family, readiness for independence, responsibility for the family being created, readiness for the birth and upbringing of children. It is known that most people create a family for love. However, naming “love” as a motive for marriage, young people, apparently, put different meanings into this word. T.A. Florenskaya identifies three different interpretations of this word: love as sexual attraction; love as the need to be loved; love is the ability to love. She gives their descriptions.

1) The dominance of sexual desire. Hypertrophy of sexual desire leads to the formation of a sexual dominant that captures all the vital forces of a person, turning him into a slave of his instincts. This becomes an obstacle to the mental and spiritual development of a person. The identification of love with physiology most often occurs with those children who grew up in families with unfavorable marital relations. T.A. Florenskaya writes that such people are not capable of creating a family, because. they have too strong a need to change the "objects" of satisfying sexual needs.

2) The need to be loved. This need is inherent in every person from early childhood. However, often the need to be loved remains directed exclusively at oneself. This one-sided need to be loved and inability to love is a psychic defense against feelings of increased anxiety, dissatisfaction, rooted in early childhood. This egocentric, essentially neurotic need manifests itself in increased demands for self-love, jealousy, suspiciousness, an increased desire to draw attention to oneself, resentment, etc. An increased need to be loved and recognized is expressed in painful reactions to failure, an increased level of claims that do not correspond to the real capabilities of a person. This failure in love, the inability to love, combined with a strong need to be loved, manifests itself in violent affects. Such people in marriage are constantly busy clarifying relationships, and not affairs, of which there are so many in marriage.

3) The ability to love. The levels of the ability to love are different - from mutual feelings to selfless selfless love that can survive the lack of reciprocity - such a person is faithful in love and reliable in the family. If sensual pleasures inevitably lead to satiety, then love is not satiated: a loved one does not get bored, he opens up deeper and deeper. The lovers form one organism, the separation of which is like death.

Readiness for independence includes the ability to maintain a family budget, to establish a life; care for children, the presence of a certain financial independence from parents, the desire to solve other vital issues. A sense of responsibility for the family being created implies a well-thought-out decision, the consistency of the positions of the bride and groom on many issues, including material and housing. The willingness to start a family should be complemented by a mutual desire to have and raise children. A family without children is incomplete.

Psychological readiness to create a family implies the presence of communication skills with people, unity or similarity of views on life in general and family life in particular, the ability to create a moral and psychological climate in the family, stability of character and feelings, developed volitional qualities of the individual. The culture of communication develops throughout the life of young people preceding marriage. Many young men and women, of course, own it and know that it is the ability to listen to each other, to delve into the content of the conversation, to organize meaningful leisure. The rules of communication require a careful, respectful attitude towards a girl, a woman. It is believed that if a person under the age of 16 has not learned the elementary rules of behavior in society, then he will have a hard time in relationships with his beloved. Unity as a similarity of views on the world and family life is the psychological foundation of the family. The psychological climate of the family is built on it, the psychological compatibility of the spouses is formed. The disunity of these views is often the cause of divorce. The stability of the character and feelings of young people is also important. An objective assessment of one's character, understanding of the character traits of the future spouse, emotional restraint largely contribute to the creation of a favorable psychological climate. Tolerance and justice in assessing the actions of family members are especially important. It is also important to feel the state of another person, to anticipate his emotional reaction. Of course, character traits at the time of marriage are an important, but far from decisive factor in the stability of the family. The fact is that in the course of family life there is (with mutual desire, of course) adaptation, adaptation of spouses to each other, mastering their marital and parental roles. The possibility of such adaptation gives plasticity, flexibility of the human nervous system, his psyche. A person can compensate for the insufficient development of character traits in himself by the intensive development of others; for example, an indecisive person most often develops intense attachment to people. Family life requires formed volitional qualities from a person: the ability to manage oneself, purposefulness, independence, determination, perseverance, endurance and self-control, self-discipline. Developed volitional qualities are the result of self-education of the individual. They manifest themselves in vitality, endurance, and, if necessary, in courage.

Pedagogical readiness to create a family includes pedagogical literacy, economic skills, and sexual education. Pedagogical literacy of young people entering family life presupposes knowledge of the patterns of development of children and the characteristics of their upbringing, skills in caring for an infant. Economic skills and abilities mean the ability to plan, distribute and comply with the family budget, organize life and leisure, create comfort in the family. Sexual education presupposes the necessary knowledge about the intimate aspects of a person’s life, a serious look at gender relations, knowledge about how to protect one’s love, a culture of sexual relations, the formation of an attitude to maintain marital fidelity in marriage, the integrity and wisdom of the physiological and moral, spiritual unity of spouses . A decent person hides intimate things, he is open with his soul to people, a depraved person, on the contrary, hides his soul, and to people they are “turned out” with one sexual side, unrestrained sexuality.

According to psychologists, the moral and psychological preparedness of a person for marriage means the perception of a whole range of requirements, duties and social standards of behavior that govern family life. These include:

Willingness to take on a new system of responsibilities in relation to their marriage partner, future children and responsibility for their behavior;

Understanding the rights and dignity of other members of the family union, recognition of the principles of equality in human relations;

The desire for everyday communication and cooperation, coordination of interactions with members of the opposite sex, which in turn implies a high moral culture;

The ability to adapt to the habits and character traits of another person and understanding his mental states.

We have conducted a mini-study (Appendix 3), the purpose of which is to determine the level of students' moral readiness for marriage. The study involved 20 students of the Faculty of Social Pedagogy and Practical Psychology of the Vitebsk State University. P.M. Masherova.

According to the result (Appendix 4) of the study, an average (more than 50% - 80%) readiness, among students, for family life was determined. This indicates a certain degree of readiness for family and marriage relations among young people, as well as the presence of certain skills and abilities among students: communicative, organizational, applied and gnostic.

V.S. Torokhty believes that these requirements are implemented in different families to varying degrees, on the basis of this obvious fact, he introduces the concept of "ability to marry", which involves several components. This is the ability:

1) take care of another person, selflessly serve him, actively do good.

2) sympathize, empathize, sympathize, i.e. “enter” the partner’s emotional world, understand his joys and sorrows, experiences and failures, defeats and victories, find spiritual unity with another person.

3) to cooperation, cooperation, interpersonal communication, the availability of skills and abilities in the implementation of many types of labor, the organization of home consumption and distribution.

4) a high ethical and psychological culture, which implies the ability to be tolerant and condescending, generous and kind, to accept another person with all the oddities and shortcomings, to suppress one's own egoism. .

All these abilities are indicators of a person's ability to quickly change their behavior in accordance with changing circumstances, to show tolerance, stability and predictability of their behavior, the ability to compromise.

V.S. Torokhtiy, noting the high importance of each person's preparedness for marriage, notes that the strength and fate of marriage depend on many factors. After all, two personalities with their complex psychological and physiological characteristics are united in a family. It is very important for married people to be socially and psychologically mature individuals. This maturity is not achieved overnight and depends on many factors. The first factor is the need for psychological readiness and ability to fulfill the role of husband and wife, and then father and mother. Each social role includes certain expectations that are placed on its performer. Therefore, readiness for the role of husband and wife means a clear knowledge of these expectations (ie rights and obligations) and the desire to fulfill them. In addition to psychological readiness, the most important components of the family are functional-role relations between a man and a woman. In the recent past, it was the man who did the hardest physical work and was morally responsible for the well-being of the family. Now there is a noticeable gap between the traditional ideas about "male" and "female" family roles and the actual distribution of responsibilities in the family. In fact, in most ordinary families, the main burden of household chores is borne by a woman. This often gives rise to psychologically tense situations, especially in young families. Therefore, a factor of family stability can be a rational distribution of responsibilities. In addition, functional and role coherence in the structure of interaction between spouses implies premarital educational and operational training of young people. The totality of necessary knowledge includes general knowledge, as well as legal, economic, medical and others. Modern young men and women in their overwhelming majority do not know how to cook, do not know how to wash, repair clothes. At the same time, the prevailing initial youth attitude in the proposed distribution of roles in the family is based on the principle of "fairness". Thus, we have to state that many young people are psychologically and technologically unprepared to perform the social functions of spouses. An important element of relations in the family is emotional and evaluative ties, which include opinions, ideas of spouses about certain properties, character traits, and actions of each other. Over time, subjective assessments such as "like" - "dislike" are subject to correction. V.S.Torokhty speaks in this case about the psychological maturity of the individual, to which he refers the absence of excessive egoism, aggressiveness, and vice versa - the ability to admit one's own mistakes and the desire for constant self-improvement in marital relations. The set of factors that ensure the maturity of the individual in intra-family relations and, therefore, and, therefore, are included in the preparation of young people for family life, also includes communication skills, possession of the psychotechnics of communication and self-regulation, psychological support, good nature and forbearance in a quarrel, tolerance for the shortcomings of another, the ability to overcome conflict situations, the presence of children and joint care for their development, upbringing and education, the social activity of family members and their ability not to become isolated in a narrow circle of family affairs. Add to this the ability to forgive. B.S. Kruglov concludes that the system of preparing young people for family life, along with sexual education and sexual education, along with the formation of interpersonal communication skills, which primarily consists in the ability to measure one's interests and actions with the interests and actions of another individual, should include the formation of a certain level of civil legal consciousness, which combines civil responsibility for one's actions with an understanding of the significance of each of one's actions.

As for the aspect of the concept of “readiness” that we are considering, domestic pedagogy has accumulated considerable experience in this regard. The Soviet Pedagogical School developed special courses, the purpose of which was to prepare young people for marriage and family. In the Soviet school, there were the following main areas of such training:

Familiarization in the classroom and extracurricular activities with the ethical issues of marriage and family relations;

Sexual education of young people with the involvement of doctors, parents and the public in this work, the formation of intolerance for drunkenness and sexual promiscuity;

Development and strengthening of schoolchildren's feelings of camaraderie, friendship, collectivism, discipline in the activities of pioneer and Komsomol organizations;

Formation of a respectful, caring attitude towards women, the elderly, children;

Practical preparation of senior schoolchildren for family farming and raising children in the parental home.

Considering the readiness of young people for family life as the goal of upbringing and one of the goals of education, it is advisable to single out from the diverse functions of a family man those that are of the most general nature inherent in every family, determine the stability and success of the family. Building a model of young people's readiness for family life, one must proceed from the fact that this readiness is not a set of mental functions, but an integral system of personality traits. The educational process is designed to form a holistic personality, and readiness for family life is the result of the action of versatile factors in its development. The very role of a family man or family activity acts as a function of a holistic personality, the success of which depends on the readiness to perform other functions: labor, moral, collectivist, intellectual, cognitive, etc. elementary practical and applied knowledge and skills to the core qualities of a person, such as her attitude to the family as a social and personal value, value orientations that regulate the role of a family man, family and marriage needs, motives for family behavior, etc.

Describing the stages of development of the personality of the future family man, it is necessary to identify the determinants that favor the upbringing of the future family man, the sensitivity of students to certain means of education at each stage. The idea of the stages of raising a future family man, preparing him for family activities, of educational and educational tasks and the means of solving them at each stage are developed on the basis of a generalization of the findings of physiological, psychological, didactic research, empirical experience in raising a future family man at different ages. The generalization of these materials allows us to meaningfully characterize the trends in the upbringing of the future family man. Among these tendencies stand out: the development of a stable orientation of the individual to a family lifestyle through the realization of the possibility of satisfying the needs of the individual by playing the role of a family man; cognitive interests related to the scientific basis for the functioning and preservation of the family; activation of self-education of value-significant personal qualities for the role of a family man, etc.

Preparation for marriage should be complex in its basis, as it is designed to solve a number of very important tasks. It is necessary to increase the responsibility of young people for marriage and family life, constantly paying attention to the social prestige of fatherhood and motherhood, orienting women towards marriage, family, and children. At the same time, it is necessary to increase the psychological readiness of young people for marriage, to give young people entering into marriage, capacious, concentrated knowledge: on the hygiene of caring for a child, childhood psychology, child pedagogy, psychohygiene of sexual life, highlight the main problems of psychological relationships between spouses, etc. d. Anti-alcohol propaganda among young people should also be strengthened, constantly paying attention to the danger that may arise and affect offspring if spouses drink alcoholic beverages or smoke. Naturally, one should constantly draw the attention of young spouses to the detrimental effect of family conflicts and quarrels on the mental health of children, given that family conflicts are often a source of neurosis and other neuropsychic disorders of the spouses themselves. In a comprehensive program of preparing young people for marriage, one cannot ignore such issues as the most rational housekeeping, the efficient and economical distribution of the family budget. From the point of view of the goals and objectives of demographic policy and the full-fledged education of future generations, it is necessary to orient young people towards the birth of not one, but two or three children in the family. Attention should be paid to the fact that in our days there have been significant "scissors" between the physiological and social maturation of young people. Over the past half century, puberty due to acceleration occurs on average two years earlier (for girls about 13 years old, and for boys about 15 years old). At the same time, the process of socialization became more complicated; the transfer of all diverse cultural, educational, industrial, scientific and technical experience to young people. Social maturity, economic independence of young people in the conditions of urbanization and rapid scientific and technological progress come much later, sometimes dragging on up to 20-25 years.

Therefore, the value of marriage, family, children in the system of general cultural values of a person is formed rather late. The true meaning and significance of these values are revealed to a person when he acquires sufficient life experience, begins to think about the meaning of his personal existence. In addition, apparently, there are certain stages in the formation of life values among young people: in the foreground are the questions of choosing a life path, vocation, profession, gaining civic independence, etc. Preparation for marriage means the formation of a certain moral complex of feelings, character traits, the readiness of the individual to take on new responsibilities in relation to his marriage partner and future children. Understanding one's duty, one's duties, as well as the rights of other people in relation to themselves, is very important for the stability of a marriage. Moral duty in family relations also means responsibility for the behavior of the other spouse, for the upbringing of children, respect for the virtues of a marriage partner, and recognition of the principle of equality in human relations. Marriage requires a significant change in the way of life of young people, which arises from the need to coordinate, harmonize the rhythm of one's life with the rhythm of the life of another person. Joint life requires constant coordination of the actions of partners, on which the strength of marriage bonds depends. Preparedness for marriage is preparedness for interpersonal communication and cooperation, which in turn presupposes a high moral culture. The ability to adapt to the habits, character traits of another person, understanding his spiritual movements and states is the most important indicator of a person’s readiness for marriage. The stability of marriage and family relations depends on the readiness of young people for family life, where readiness for marriage is understood as a system of socio-psychological attitudes of the individual, which determines an emotionally positive attitude towards family life. Of particular importance is the readiness for marriage at the present stage of development of society, when the number of marriages "de facto" increases in comparison with the number of marriages. Here we can observe the features of social attitudes and motives that have been formed among young people relatively recently under the influence of changed social conditions and norms. Among the many aspects of the problem of forming young people's readiness for family life, the most important is the correct understanding of the social role of the family and marriage in modern society, the presence of civil legal consciousness. At present, there is a significant weakening of the regulatory impact of the norms and standards of behavior in the family previously established in society and enshrined in the public consciousness. This is primarily due to the fact that in modern conditions some important functions that played a significant role in the traditional family have disappeared. The functional roles typical of a man-spouse and a woman-wife that took place in the past have also changed significantly. Marriage and the family, as seen by individuals, are increasingly becoming the primary means of satisfying their needs for intimate and informal communication. Along with the moral regulation of marriage and family relations, there is also a legal regulation of these relations, which fixes and consolidates their social essence by defining the basic civil rights and obligations of family members to each other and to society. From the point of view of personality formation, an essential moment of an individual's psychological readiness for marriage is his readiness not only to realize the need for intimacy with a person of the opposite sex, but also to realize the significance of his actions, the first thing in the system of legal norms governing marriage and family relations. .

In the process of life itself, children learn from older generations a lot of knowledge about relationships with a person of the opposite sex, about marriage, about the family, and learn the norms of behavior. They early begin to develop feelings of camaraderie, friendship, honor, dignity. This contributes to the formation of ideas about love as the highest human feeling, about marriage and family relations. All this is very valuable, but at the current pace of life, the natural mechanism for transferring such knowledge is no longer sufficient. Therefore, an important place should also belong to the special preparation of the younger generation at school and in the parental family for the creation of their own family in the future; to perform marital and parental duties; to the upbringing of children.

One can agree with I.V. Grebennikov that, accordingly, the preparation of the younger generation for family life should include the following main aspects:

1. Social, revealing the policy of the state in the field of marriage and family relations and demography, as well as containing data on the social essence of marriage and family relations, the purpose of the family, family values, social roles of spouses and parents.
2. Moral and ethical, including the education of the following moral qualities: friendly attitude towards members of the opposite sex; respect for mother, father, elders and younger; child-rearing needs; responsibility, fidelity, honesty, restraint, kindness, compliance; sense of duty to the spouse, family, children; culture of intimate feelings.
3. Legal, focused on familiarization with the basics of legislation on marriage and family; with the most important provisions of family law; with the duties of spouses in relation to each other, to children, to society.
4. Psychological, forming concepts of personal development; about the peculiarities of the psychology of interpersonal relations of youth; about the psychological foundations of marriage and family life, the ability to understand the psychology of other people; development of feelings necessary for married and family life; possession of communication skills.
5. Physiological and hygienic, including knowledge of the physiological characteristics of the male and female organisms; characteristics of sexual life, personal hygiene issues, etc.
6. Pedagogical, including the formation of ideas about the role of the family in raising children, its pedagogical potential, the specifics of family education, the educational functions of the father and mother, and ways to improve the pedagogical culture of parents.
7. Economic and economic: arming with knowledge about the family budget, culture of life, housekeeping skills, etc. Comprehensive education of a family man is carried out under the influence of various socio-pedagogical and psychological factors. Many researchers, emphasizing the multifactorial nature of this process, single out among them the family, school, peer society, fiction, the media, the public, and the church. The process of raising a family man, like any other similar process, is a set of educational interactions. At the same time, these interactions are purposeful (teacher - student) or spontaneous (teenager - peers). .

Of course, none of these motives excludes the other. But if one spouse considers one of them to be the main one, and the other - a completely different one, and the home ones - in general the third, then conflicts in the family are inevitable, especially in acute, critical periods of family life, when hidden ones are discovered and collide with each other, often being unconscious motives. The study of the influence of marital motivation on marital satisfaction confirms the special importance of the first two motives - love and spiritual intimacy. Among those who entered into marriage for love and community of views, the maximum number of those who are satisfied and the minimum are those who are dissatisfied with their marital union. Disappointment with family and marriage turned out to be more probable among those who focused solely on their feelings without the spiritual community of spouses necessary for their preservation. According to research by psychologists, love marriages are not among the most stable. It turned out that family unions concluded through a dating service are several times more stable than love marriages. Moreover, the expectation of love, and even its very existence in the family, lead to the death of a marriage. This is explained by the fact that, firstly, as a person grows older, he loses the correctness of the emotional assessment of the world around him, characteristic of children; secondly, it is wrong to equate love and marriage, because love can exist without marriage, and marriage without love. Between marriage and love there is neither a complete coincidence nor a complete difference; for a long historical period they existed separately. To prove that love can even interfere with the preservation of a family union, psychologists give the following arguments.

Firstly, in the impatience of love, we are looking not for a spouse, but for a loved one, and we do not think about the fact that we will have to live not with this wonderful feeling, but with its subject and carrier - a very specific person who has a unique psychological world, image of my "I",

temperament, character and other personal characteristics, which leads to difficulties in achieving marital compatibility.

Secondly, under the romantic cover of love, we often forget that, no matter how much spouses love each other, in their family they will be obliged to perform the usual functions for every married couple. Therefore, when love becomes the primary motive for marriage, the main meaning of family life with its daily worries, the need for material support for the family, caring for small children, etc. lead to the destruction of illusions, the destruction of magic, which often leads to the search for a love partner outside of marriage and to adultery. The fetishization of love, the desire to be both loved and to love make us eagerly seek this wonderful feeling. At the same time, family responsibilities and obligations to each other fade into the background. As practice shows, often passionate premarital love is not a guarantee of a successful family life in the future. Strong emotions can interfere with the orientation of partners to personal characteristics or will be of a secondary nature, they reduce the accuracy of mutual understanding, and contribute to the idealization of a partner. Therefore, the “love” motive, not supported by other motives important for family life, can become one of the psychological reasons for the formation of dysfunctional families. The choice of a marriage partner may be due to some gender differences, which are most clearly expressed in the search strategies not just for a future spouse, but for a specific person who will meet certain requirements. These strategies are determined by different attitudes and the degree of responsibility of the sexes for the implementation of the function of reproduction of the genus and parenthood. In accordance with this, two strategies for finding a marriage partner can be distinguished:

1) purposeful careful selection of a partner in accordance with the criteria of responsibility and care - "search for the father (mother) of their children." Here, the choice of a partner acts as a search for a reliable life partner, a partner in creating a parental home (a cozy nest for future offspring). This strategy is more typical for women than for men;
2) the choice of a "real man (real woman)".

In this case, the criterion for choosing a partner is the correspondence of his qualities to the ideas of the subject of choice about the ideal man or woman. This strategy is implemented by both men and women, but prevails among women. The age factor also plays an important role in choosing a partner. Given the filter model described above, it can be assumed that the optimal age difference between spouses should not go beyond certain limits, since differences in worldviews, attitudes, values, attitudes towards the family can be an insoluble problem at the stage of mutual adaptation and the development of a common family way of life. The choice of an older partner is determined by a number of factors, the most important of which are the model of parental marriage; dominance of the need for security; experience with older siblings and their peers. With this choice, the partner compares favorably with those qualities and properties that a person would like to see in himself, but does not possess them. To create a stable family and maintain it for many years, it is important not only what motives young people are guided by when entering into marriage, but also how ready they are for future family life. Readiness to create a family includes social, moral, motivational, psychological and pedagogical readiness. Socio-moral readiness for family life presupposes civic maturity (the availability of education, a profession, a certain level of moral consciousness and an appropriate age), economic independence, and health.

The developed moral consciousness of young men and women is one of the important conditions for readiness to create a family. It is manifested in young people's understanding of the social significance of the family (family is a cell of society), in a serious attitude to marriage, choosing a life partner, in a sense of responsibility for the family being created, in deep respect for the future spouse, representatives of the older generation and other family members, in sensitivity and tact of communication with them. A developed moral consciousness also implies the presence of a minimum of legal knowledge about the family, familiarity with the basics of family law, namely: the rights and obligations of spouses, parents, children, legal norms governing relations in marriage, family and guardianship. You can start a family at 18, but the most medically favorable marriage age for a woman is 20-22 years, and for a man - 23-28 years, since the body of a man reaches full maturity later than a woman. This age is favorable for the birth of healthy children. By this time, many young people acquire a profession, a certain economic independence appears. From a demographic point of view, it is important to increase the time for the birth of several children, since after the age of 30, not every woman will dare to have a second or third child. As for the psychological point of view, it is during this period that a person flourishes all psychological manifestations (memory, thinking, etc.), there is a greater plasticity of the processes occurring in the human psyche than in adulthood, their variability. Young people get used to each other better than older people, whose views on many issues of family life have considerable stamina and inflexibility. Doctors consider the ratio of their age to be an important point that ensures the sexual adaptation of spouses. They argue that marriages in which the wife is older than the husband are overwhelmingly fragile. At the same time, the older those who marry, the greater the number of years the husband must be older than his wife. If, for example, a woman at the time of marriage is 20-22 years old, then a man can be 24-26 years old; if a woman is 25 years old, then a man is about 30, and so on. The maximum gap in the age of the spouses, however, should not exceed 8-12 years. Recently, there have been many marriages where the wife is older than the husband. How can this be explained? First of all, the individual characteristics of communication: it is easier for some boys and men to communicate with girls and women who are older than them. In our time, the youth of women has significantly lengthened and they have nothing to fear for a discrepancy in age at a later time. The thesis that marriage will be fragile if the wife is older can be called into question. Readiness to create a family and its well-being largely depends on the state of health of young people entering into marriage. But health is not strengthened in one day, but throughout the entire previous life. This, as you know, is facilitated by hardening, playing sports, physical labor, compliance with hygiene standards, the absence of bad habits (overeating, lack of sleep, sedentary lifestyle, smoking, drinking alcohol, lack of a clear regime of work and rest). Acquired in life harmony, ease of posture and movements are important in communicating with the opposite sex, which overcomes psycho-emotional difficulties, stressful situations that sometimes occur in family life. Young people, creating a family, of course, think about the material side: solving the problem of housing, stable income. According to numerous studies, the factors of material and housing security do not directly affect the stability of the family. However, poor material living conditions often exacerbate conflict situations that arise for other reasons. Selective sociological studies show that 44% of newlyweds are going to live together with their parents (at the same time, 37% of newlyweds had fuzzy ideas about the parents' opinion about their marriage, which indicates that some of the young people are not serious enough about the nature and content of future relationships with older generation), in a dormitory and in a private apartment - 12%, in a separate apartment - 7%, in a room in a communal apartment - 6%, do not know - 5%. At the same time, the answers of the bride and groom did not match in 23% of cases. In general, today's youth is characterized by the desire for a separate residence from their parents. This is a progressive trend: the infantility of young people will decrease, their independence will increase. Young people consider the problem of housing one of the most urgent. Obviously, if young people buy an apartment, it is done in the overwhelming majority with the help of their parents or at the expense of additional payments from state funds. The dependence of young people on their parents is still great: for example, about 80% of all those entering into marriage, according to the same studies, expected to receive material assistance from their parents, which indicates the inhibition of their economic and social independence. Young people who are about to start a family, but do not have a solid material foundation, usually have to listen to a lot of warnings. They are completely justified and fair. However, the creation of a family in this case has much more grounds than it seems to those who advocate the good material security of the future family as a prerequisite. Prolonged postponement of marriage "until better times" is not a way out, and those who have reached a favorable age for marriage cannot always acquire economic independence. Science has poorly studied the rhythms of the development of relations between a man and a woman. One can, however, guess about the existence of certain patterns of such development, and that their violations are associated with a significant risk of destruction of mutual attachment. It is sometimes said that love is passion. But passion, according to physiologists, is intensely manifested within 3-4 years. A long period of courtship can lead to a decline in love relationships. Probably, lovers often intuitively feel a possible decline in relationships and do not always strive to subordinate the logic of feelings to the logic of circumstances. And they do it right. There are many happy families who started family life with a very modest income. If young spouses are able to look for a way out of difficult situations together, to stand together against difficulties, the material problems of the first joint years are unlikely to lead to the breakup of the family. Motivational readiness for family life includes love as the main motive for creating a family, readiness for independence, responsibility for the created family, readiness for the birth and upbringing of children. It is believed that most people create a family for love. Such families, according to statistics, 70--75%. Without strong feelings, heartfelt attraction, but by reason, 15-20% of the newlyweds find each other. The reasons in this case are different: “they are afraid to stay in the girls”, it's time to get married, I want to stay in the city after graduation, following the example of friends and friends, “to spite” the one or the one who did not pay attention to him (her), desire show parents their independence. Some believe that they will make a good married couple. About 5-10% create a family for material reasons (one of the future spouses has a good car, an apartment, a high official position of his parents, a well-paid specialty, etc.). There are parents who approve of such a motive for creating a family. Readiness for independence includes the ability to maintain a family budget, to establish a life; care for children, the presence of a certain financial independence from parents, the desire to solve other vital issues. A sense of responsibility for the created family presupposes thoughtfulness of behavior, the consistency of the positions of the bride and groom on many issues, including material and housing. The willingness to start a family should be complemented by a mutual desire to have and raise children. A family without children is incomplete

Psychological readiness to create a family implies the presence of communication skills with people, the unity or similarity of views on life in general and family life in particular, the ability to create a moral and psychological climate in the family, the stability of character and feelings, the development of volitional qualities of the individual. The culture of communication develops throughout the life of young people preceding marriage. Many young men and women, of course, own it and know that it is the ability to listen to each other, to delve into the content of the conversation, to organize meaningful leisure. The culture of behavior excludes a cheeky style of behavior, affectation, ridicule against friends and girlfriends, a hasty “declaration of love”. The rules of communication require a careful, respectful attitude towards a girl, a woman. It is believed that if a person under the age of 16 has not learned the elementary rules of behavior in society, then he will have a hard time in relationships with his beloved. The unity or similarity of views on the world and family life is the psychological foundation of the family. The psychological climate of the family is built on it, the marital compatibility of spouses is formed. The disunity of these views is often the cause of divorce. The stability of the character and feelings of young people is also important.

of people. An objective assessment of one's character, understanding of the character traits of the future spouse, emotional restraint largely contribute to the creation of a favorable psychological climate. Tolerance and justice in assessing the actions of family members are especially important. It is also important to be able to feel the state of another person, to anticipate his emotional reaction. Of course, character traits at the time of marriage are an important, but far from decisive factor in the stability of the family. In the course of family life, there occurs (with mutual desire, of course) the adaptation, adaptation of the spouses to each other, the development of their marital and parental roles. The possibility of such adaptation gives plasticity, flexibility of the human nervous system, his psyche. A person can compensate for the insufficient development of some character traits in himself by the intensive development of others. For example, an indecisive person most often develops intense attachment to people. Family life requires formed volitional qualities from a person: the ability to manage oneself, purposefulness, independence, determination, perseverance, endurance and self-control, self-discipline. The development of volitional qualities is the result of self-education of the individual. They manifest themselves in vitality, endurance, and, if necessary, in courage. Pedagogical readiness to create a family includes the availability of the necessary pedagogical knowledge, skills, economic skills and skills in the home, sexual education. Pedagogical literacy of young men and women entering family life presupposes knowledge of the patterns of development of children and their upbringing, skills in caring for an infant, the ability to transfer one's life experience to children, and teach them to do household chores. Economic and economic skills include planning and observing the family budget, the ability to organize life and leisure, to create comfort in the family. Boys and girls must learn simple truths: the household must be run jointly, evenly distributing responsibilities among all family members, taking into account their age and individual characteristics; not to sit with folded hands when the other is working, but to do what you know how, what is necessary for the family. If a man does not have his own business at home, then there cannot be full responsibility for his position as a family man. The less a man does around the house, the more he destroys it. Men should remember that a chronically overworked woman loses her femininity, youth, beauty, freshness of feelings, cheerfulness, neuroses, irritability and grumpiness appear. Sexual education presupposes the necessary knowledge about the intimate aspects of a person's life, a serious look at gender relations, and knowledge about how to cherish your love. Thus, the readiness of young people for family life is determined by their socio-psychological characteristics, the school of first love, psychological, pedagogical and legal knowledge, as well as many practical skills and abilities. Only under this condition can one count on the serious attitude of young people to resolving the issue of marriage, their ability not only to preserve the created family, but also to be happy in it and make others happy. In many countries, young people must prove their maturity, readiness for an independent, joint life. Among the Indians of the American prairies, the bridegroom sat with gifts at the door of the house as much as possible. Probably, such a test ensured that he could withstand any nervousness of his wife. In Samoa, He performed a martial dance in full battle dress - demonstrated "professional training", after which he introduced his eloquence - ardently convinced her of his love. On the island of Java, for example, in order to obtain permission to register as proof of their diligence, the bride and groom must present 50 killed rats (thus more than 2 million rats were destroyed, from which there was no release). We don't have public orders yet. But if this is not the case, you should at least arrange an oral examination for yourself: is there a willingness to give up a number of one's habits? Won't you get tired of explaining the actions, thoughts and feelings of another in order to learn how to act in concert? Can you take into account other people's opinions or is there only your own? It is almost impossible to acquire self-service skills in this short period of time, if they were not there until now, but is there at least an understanding that now one cannot do without it? A family is, in addition to love and compatibility of characters, also a unity of purpose, as well as constant life, household chores, which will require emotional, psychological, and physical stress. In marriage, according to the Polish scientist M. Plzak, “as in any business, you can get as many joys as you put in the effort.” It is boring when young people are prudent, but carelessness is also a weak foundation for a family. Studies in different countries show that marriages concluded as a result of passionate love, when all practical matters seem ridiculous, turn out to be the least strong. Experts explain: passionate love inevitably loses its sharpness over time, and then it seems that living together without this feeling is unthinkable, and the practical side of living together is so frightening that divorce seems to be the only way out of all problems. High expectations are difficult to meet. A family based not only on feeling, but also on an understanding of the problems faced in family life is much stronger. The French ethnographers Theodore and Brigitte Cartier, having decided to combine business with pleasure, got married in France, after which they traveled around the world. Celebrating their wedding again and again, they got acquainted with the rituals and described how they cross the line of a new life in different countries. As a rule, in these rituals, relatives check the readiness of the young for life together. Perhaps there is not a single country, not a single people, where the most sophisticated ways to save a family have not been invented. The most severe trials are still preserved in small tribes lost on the islands and in the wilds of Africa. In Czechoslovakia, the groom needs to carry the bride over the obstacle in his arms (presumably, by this He expressed his readiness to act in this way in the future, if not literally, then figuratively). In India, the groom sitting on an elephant, not yet seeing the bride, moved towards the sweet aroma that exuded from her body covered with special oils (may She remain attractive to Him for life!) mother-in-law to live to help her daughter-in-law, whom she kindly brought here, to cope with household chores. On the island of Bali, where televisions, refrigerators, cars are habitually used, it is customary to kidnap the bride, as fathers and grandfathers did. Then, returning with a confession,

the young go to the temple, where for several days their teeth are cut down to almost half. It is believed that having endured this painful procedure, they will courageously overcome everything that can interfere with family life: selfishness, envy, jealousy, etc. In Macedonia, the bride is required to have all-round preparation - aesthetic, physical, economic. She must sew and embroider a wedding dress, memorize the scenario of a four-day wedding and learn how to hold on to a horse so that, jumping over the wattle fence at the groom’s house, she jumps to the ground without touching either the bridle or the stirrup. It is believed that only such a wife will be able to properly manage the house and spouse, without a bridle, subordinating him to her desires. In the German city of Bremen, for example, the groom, in full view of idle residents, goes to sweep the steps of the old town hall. The diligence of the future spouse is evaluated by a strict "jury" consisting of the bride and her parents. A young man from Eastern Nigeria on his way to his fiancee

must pass through the line of all her relatives, armed with sticks. And everyone strives to hit the groom more painfully. It is believed that this is the only way to check whether the newlywed is ready to endure the hardships of family life. In Yemen, on the day of the wedding, the newlyweds are pinched, kicked and beaten right in front of the bride. Thus, he allegedly demonstrates his resignation before the "blows of fate." Even less fortunate are the men of the Hebrides, where the groom before the wedding must stand all night on a high rocky ocean coast, called the “wall of lovers”. One wrong move - and the young man can fall off the cliff and break on the stones. There are very few thrill-seekers who are ready to climb this wall again after everything they have experienced. Therefore, there is practically no contention and remarriage here. In one of the Spanish provinces, on the wedding day, the bride and groom are hung upside down. And the guests will not sit down at the table until they, dangling in the air, are able to

kiss. Inca Garcilaso de la Vega tells that in the state of the Incas, the art of managing their homes was taught to girls and boys at school. Then, when girls aged 18-20 and boys aged 24 and older got married, judges visited their homes to observe whether both men and women were attentive and caring enough to their family responsibilities. Those who were accused of sloppiness were beaten with whips on the hands and feet. It was considered a great shame and dishonor when someone was publicly punished for idleness. In Japan, wedding preparations begin a few years before. Sometimes, with hard work, the bride saves up money (they need up to 50 thousand yen) for a special wig, kimono, an umbrella embroidered with silver cranes, and an obligatory honeymoon trip, without which no Japanese wedding is unthinkable. Depending on the means, it will be more or less long. Having received special books, which describe where, when and what places in the carriage await them, hotel rooms, tables in a restaurant, guides in museums, photographers at monuments, the newlyweds set off on a journey immediately after the temple (where She first enters, but leaves after after him, giving Him the right of primacy!) With new impressions, enjoying the beauty experienced together, the opportunity to be alone, not thinking about everyday household chores, family life begins. Some features of marriage customs in such a civilized European country as Italy surprise with their “outdatedness”. Firstly, it is not customary for men to marry there before the age of forty. And even then, if mom allows it. Mom in the family is not just the main one. She decides almost everything: what to eat, when and whom to marry, where to go, etc. Therefore, the Madonna and Child are so popular among Italians (the word “donna” - mother came from Madonna). A man who wants to marry his chosen one, first

introduces her to his mother. After the choice of her son is approved by her, the bride will meet her grandmother. After this procedure, if approved by her as well, a courtship period begins, which lasts two years. Secondly, even being a groom, an Italian man does not pamper his bride with signs of attention - it is not customary for Italian men to even give flowers to a beloved woman (by the way, flowers are not sold in Italy). It is believed that gifts can only be given to a legal wife, so the bride can only receive an inexpensive souvenir from the groom. The ring is given only for engagement. Thirdly, after marriage, the wife goes to the full support of her husband. Approximately 30% of women work in Italy, and even then they are mostly from other countries who married Italians. The main reason why Italian wives cannot work is the excessive jealousy of their husbands. Even their wedding begins with jealousy. According to tradition, the bride must kiss all the groom's friends to make him jealous. Having entered into marriage, the wife should sit at home, cook food for her husband, do laundry, keep the house clean, and in the evening faithfully look into his eyes and listen to his stories about the past day. Only one day a year a woman can do what she pleases - this is March 8th. As a rule, the maximum that Italians do on this day is chat with friends in a cafe. Divorce in Italy has only been possible since 1975, but divorce is associated with many obstacles that often discourage Italians from parting with their “lawful half”. Three years are usually given for reflection. During this time, the spouses may not live together. The wife can generally take a lover, but the husband is obliged to support both the wife and the lover at the same time before the ex-wife remarries. Therefore, when an Italian says: “I got divorced twice,” they ask him: “So are you a beggar now?” But nowhere in the world is the equality of woman and man manifested in such a complete and pure form as among the Nayyars, in villages and among noble families. Marriage among the Nayyars is not a sacred bond that casts a woman at the feet of a man with an obligation to serve him until death. A married woman does not leave her home, and a man does not leave his. Children live with their mothers and their female relatives, uncles and aunts, who form the economic basis of families. The eldest man is the head of the entire family, but has no special rights to dispose of property without the consent of the rest of its members. It is indecent for a Nayar man to bring his wife and children into his home for more than a few days. Self-respecting women should refuse gifts from their husbands. According to the Naiyars, gifts are given only to courtesans. Thus, the Nayyars are the only people on earth whose sex relations are not connected with the economy. Their divorce is very easy, and it is surprising that in reality divorces happen very rarely, perhaps because they do not affect any property issues. Old Russian wedding ceremonies also had their own characteristics. The wedding rites of the pagan East Slavic tribes are varied. The meadows, people of a meek and quiet disposition, did not know magnificent weddings, modesty was an adornment of the female sex. The groom did not go after the bride - in the evening she was brought to him, and in the morning they brought the bride's dowry. Rodimichi and Vyatichi lived in a different way: young people gathered for games between the villages, danced and sang, and by morning they took their brides with them. The Drevlyans lived in the forests, did not know marriages, girls were kidnapped. Russian pagan weddings had their own traditions. Surrounded by boyfriends, girlfriends and relatives, the groom led the bride either to a sacred tree, or to a lake, or to a wooden figure of the Deity, and three times he led her around - these were “guided wives”. That was the wedding, named after the wreaths worn on the heads of the newlyweds. The wreaths of the common people were made of herbs and flowers, the princes - gold or silver.

The bride went to the crown with her hair loose and scattered over her shoulders, and upon returning the married to the house, the young wife was taken to a separate room, where her hair was combed, two braids were braided and wrapped around her head, then they put on her head, instead of a crown, a kokoshnik or kiku , covered the whole girl with a veil and brought to the young. The next day, the rite of circumcision of the braid was performed. The bride at the same time had to sob, like everyone around her. The room for the wedding night was arranged without fail empty and cold - ardent love, it was assumed, would warm the newlyweds. The bed is hard, covered with linen. The most important ritual before nightfall is the unshoeing of the husband. The young woman, as a sign of future obedience, was obliged to remove her boots from her husband's feet. In one boot were gold or silver coins, and in the other - a whip. If she first took up the boot with money and took it off, then she received the money along with the right to never take off her husband's shoes. If the choice of boot was unsuccessful, she received the first lash on the back. This, of course, did not mean that the husband must always beat her, but it gave the master unlimited rights. The pagans could have several "led wives". Concubines of noble and ignoble origin were not forbidden either. Thus, in the rites, rituals of different countries, the same motives can be traced: He, the strong one, strives for Her, the beautiful one, and both of them tune in to the fact that life together is a joy gained by labor. Each of them receives their half found along with the duties of taking care of it. Those around them, to the best of their ability, help the young to establish a life together. .

Preparation for family life, according to D.N. Isaeva, V.E. Kagan, I.V. Dorno, has always been one of the main tasks of adolescence (adolescent) age.

This age has always been considered as one of the most important and responsible in terms of the formation of personality neoplasms.

According to the classification of V. Bunak, V. Ginzburg, the age limits of youth of different sexes are somewhat different: it is 16-24 years for men and 15-20 years for women. In the international periodization of ages, these boundaries for men are determined by the interval from 17 to 21 years and 16-20 years for women.

Describing this period as a youth period, O.V. Khukhlaeva refers to it the interval from 16-17 to 24-25 years.

Describing youth as “the final stage of preparation for entry into independent, labor and social activity” (S.V. Cherenkova), “the most important stage in the development of the individual as a subject of labor, cognition and communication” (A.V. Ivashchenko, V.P. Izhitsky , T.N. Malkovskaya, A.V. Mudrik), “the period of self-determination, deciding who to be and what to be, an anxious search for a civic ideal and life partner” (E.A. Mikhailychev), etc.

During this period of time, the formation of psychological mechanisms for the regulation of human life takes place, so the formation of ideas about the enduring value of family life is especially great. (G.E. Zalessky, A.G. Zdravomyslov, B.S. Kruglov, D.A. Leontiev, V.D. Boyko, Yu.M. Zhukov, V.E. Semenov, L.M. Smirnov, Ch A. Shakeyeva, Y. I. Shaigorodsky, M. S. Yanitsky and others).

A comprehensive consideration of the problems of preparing for family life aims at finding effective ways to solve it.

In the works of G.S. Abramova, the following structural components of preparing young people for family life are distinguished. Let's consider them in more detail.

The content of the first physiological component implies the development of the space of one's body and the body of another person. The work of not only sexologists and sexopathologists, but also psychological studies speaks about how difficult it is. A prerequisite for mastering the physical side of life is not only the study of your partner, but also yourself, including the history of your body. It is known that women's sexual difficulties are most often associated with a deformed perception of their body (fear of touching themselves, the negative consequences of sex, etc.).

The second component is social. Its peculiarity lies in the fact that young people, forming their own family relations, most often focus on the ideal of the family that exists in society and copy it. However, this ideal often reproduces such stereotypes of behavior that are erroneous for solving one's own personal task in the realities of family life.

The third one is a psychological component, it is specific, because it requires the creativity of a joint community: creativity for each other, a common home, different, but united souls. Knowledge of the other and oneself, the manifestation of the best in the other and oneself - this is the constant existential content of family life. If it is like this, then family life becomes complete.

According to IV Dorno, there are three common defects that must be overcome in preparation for family life: psychological illiteracy, sexual ignorance, and pedagogical illiteracy. In our opinion, the positions of the last two authors are consonant. Proceeding from this, R.V. Beleda talks about the direct relationship between the level of ethical development of our society and the quality of preparation for family life of boys and girls. The author proposes to clearly formulate the tasks of preparing for family life. In general, these tasks are presented in three blocks.

The first block is the psychological and practical preparation of the younger generation for family life. It includes coverage of the moral and psychological side of family relations: the motives for marriage and the creation of a family, a responsible attitude to marriage and marriage, a conscious choice of a partner. A special aspect is the formation of such personal qualities as tact, sensitivity, fidelity, a sense of duty to the family. The ability to endure life's hardships, mutual assistance and others.

The second block is the formation of pedagogical knowledge, skills and abilities of raising children. Children are an integral part of the family. Most conflicts in young families occur due to the clash of different positions and views in the upbringing of children.

The third block is sexual orientation and training in sexual hygiene, psychology and physiology of sexual relations. Many scientists say that sexual illiteracy can rightly be called the destroyer of families, often leading to neurotic disorders and illnesses.

There are several parameters that are subject to pedagogical influence in preparing for family life. They are clearly presented in Table 1.3.1.

Table 1.3.1

Pedagogical parameter
Mental gender, gender identity	Formation of ideas about the features of specific social roles
Standards of masculinity-femininity	Formation of ideal ideas about representatives of both sexes
Attitude towards the opposite sex	Formation of adequate ideas about the representatives of the opposite sex
Intersexual communication and interaction	Development of communication skills
Personal characteristics, (responsibility, tolerance, ability to make decisions, ability to control one's desires and impulsive behavior)	Development of the necessary personal qualities that are significant in family relationships
Matrimonial values and readiness to fulfill family roles - marital and parental	Formation of ideas about the family as a value
Sex education (sex education)	Formation of such attitudes, knowledge and practical skills that would maximize the high quality of students' sexual health and become the basis for normal psychosexual development and behavior.

Being a rather complicated direction in the socialization of the younger generation, preparation for family life can be divided into mutually complementary aspects. In general, eight aspects can be distinguished:

Within the framework of the general social aspect, young people should be provided with information about the social essence of marriage and family relations, about the significance of the family, its specific functions as the most important social institution and small group.

Within the framework of the ethical aspect, ideas about moral qualities that play an important role in intra-family relationships should be expanded: equal relations between representatives of different sexes, respect for mother and father, awareness of the moral foundations of marriage and family relations, a sense of duty. In addition, it is necessary to develop ideas about the culture of intimate feelings, tolerance, tolerance, ideas about the ideal husband and wife.

As part of the legal aspect, it is necessary to introduce the basics of marriage and family law, the most important provisions of family law, the duties of spouses in relation to each other and to society.

The characteristic of the psychological aspect is represented by such areas of activity that contribute to the formation of concepts about personality, individuality, the characteristics of the psychology of interpersonal relations, the psychological foundations of family life, the development of feelings of mutual respect, love, as significant components of family life.

The physiological and hygienic aspect is aimed at including knowledge about the physiological characteristics of the male and female organisms, personal hygiene and sexual culture in the worldview of the future spouses.

The pedagogical aspect is realized in providing information about the importance of raising children and the role of the family in this process. The specifics of parent-child relationships, ways to improve the pedagogical culture of parents.

The aesthetic aspect is aimed at realizing the attitude to family life as an independent aesthetic value, creating an aesthetic environment within which family relationships are carried out.

The economic and economic aspect should equip with knowledge about the family budget, the culture of life, the ability to rationally manage the household, and distribute family responsibilities.

As world experience shows, teachers, medical workers, psychologists, social workers can conduct such programs - but they must have received special training. In domestic practice, the teacher of such a course (also with special training) can be a school teacher: he has a basic pedagogical education and is familiar to students, which theoretically increases the chances of an appropriate methodological level of educational work, as well as trust in relationships and psychological safety for students . But, on the other hand, teachers do not have the necessary professional training to provide individual psycho-emotional support and psychological counseling; in addition, the confidence of schoolchildren can be blocked by the possibility of leakage of confidential information from the teacher to parents, other teachers or students.

Much is said and written about the need for a conscious choice of a partner for future family life and the preparation of young people for it at the present stage. This is due, first of all, to the fact that any society is not conceivable without its social basis - i.e. families. According to F. Adler, the family is a society in miniature, on the integrity of which the security of the entire large human society depends.

An analysis of the literature on the issue under study allows us to conclude that, in fact, the concept is practically not used in psychology, however, both in foreign and domestic psychological practice, there are criteria for determining readiness for family life and certain opportunities for practical preparation for it have been created.

In domestic psychology, among the most common tasks of preparing young people for creating families, the following areas were distinguished:

Increasing the responsibility of young people to marriage (family) life;

Increasing the social prestige of fatherhood and motherhood;

Increasing psychological readiness for marriage;

Formation of a knowledge base for future parents on hygiene, physiology, psychology of children;

Formation and development of youth sexual culture;

Preparation for housekeeping;

Consequently, under readiness for family life, in most cases, we are talking about the formation of theoretical knowledge and practical skills in all of the above areas.

For a long time, the issues of preparing young people for family life were dealt with only by school specialists in the perspective of the discipline "Ethics and Psychology of Family Life". And despite the development of sufficiently high-quality methodological material within the framework of this discipline, it is impossible to talk about the high achievements of this area of youth socialization in our country, as in most countries of the former USSR. Many psychologists explain this circumstance by the fact that without sex education as such, it is generally impossible to qualitatively prepare the rising generations for an independent later life. It was this basis that was practically absent in our country. For a long time, the education of the sexual culture of growing children was not even mentioned in the psychological literature.

According to A.I. Zakharov, the starting point of a person’s readiness for marriage and family is his active understanding of the social significance of his actions, certain obligations to each other, responsibility for the family and children, voluntary acceptance of the inevitable troubles in family life and restriction of personal freedom. Unfortunately, the understanding of this is far from always characteristic of modern boys and girls, which is why quite often the transition from informal relationships based solely on emotions of love and premarital courtship to formalized, fairly regulated and, most importantly, mandatory relations of spouses as marriage and family partners, turns out to be for them associated with significant, primarily psychological difficulties. Married young people often suffer from a painful awareness of the novelty and complexity of the situation, a painful restructuring of their own and others' behavior, as well as an unpleasant feeling of predestination and predetermination.

As a starting point, in this regard, boys and girls should know that the family is a historically specific system of relationships between spouses, parents and children, and a small group whose members are linked by marriage or kinship, common life and mutual moral responsibility. The social necessity of the family is due to the need of society for the physical and spiritual reproduction of the population and labor resources. In addition, it is necessary to understand that the historical specificity of the family lies in the fact that it changes over time, adapting to changing social relations (although it is one of the most stable social institutions); that the system of relationships is mentioned insofar as there are quite a lot of them in the family; that a family can be called a small group due to the fact that it fully falls under the definition of this initial element of society for any society, differing, however, in the nature of the association (very personal). And finally, perhaps the most important thing is that the social necessity of the family is really evident, since if it disappears, the very existence of mankind will be in jeopardy.

In this regard, explaining to the future spouses the social essence of the family, it is necessary to form their understanding of the enduring social significance of the main functions of the family. There is one more thing here - deeply personal for any of us. Young men and women should be quite clearly aware of the difficult truth, fully understood only in mature years. It lies in the fact that marriage and family definition is a conscious self-restraint. The countless number of roads open to those entering adulthood can, as V.P. Levkovich, to generate in them euphoric complacency and a lack of understanding that the potential inherent in each of us can be realized not “in general and everywhere”, but in one thing and in a strictly defined way, and the choice of one life partner always means at the same time, the rejection of many others, sometimes very attractive to people, for truly "one cannot grasp the immensity." And this means that young men and women should approach this choice with all responsibility and understanding of the possible consequences in a long chain of interrelated events that it will entail.

There is another, important thing in the problem of self-determination, which is also not always accessible to boys and girls. This is the criterion of the means of achievement. Talking about it, teachers, parents and psychologists should, with all firmness and certainty, bring to the minds of young people that life plans are comprehended not only in terms of a result, a distant landmark, a desired dream, but also from the point of view of the process of achieving this result. The need to see yourself in the future self-fulfilled, loved and happy is natural and logical for everyone on the verge of adulthood, but any dream is useful and achievable only in those cases when it is backed up by a real action plan that includes, in addition to the desired goals, also ways and means to achieve them. Therefore, the most important aspect of preparing young people for family life is the formation of ideas about the goals for which families are created and how to achieve a happy life in families.

As pointed out by A.Ya. Varga, D. Varga, S. Kratokhvilla, V. Satir, V. V. Stolin, E. G. Eidemiller, V. V. Yustitsky, in the process of preparing for family life, it is necessary to use the most appropriate means and methods. This is due not only to the delicacy and complexity of the implementation of numerous aspects of preparing for family life, but also to the psychological characteristics of the age period itself.

In general, pedagogical means are understood as material objects and objects of spiritual culture, intended for the organization and implementation of the pedagogical process and performing the functions of developing young people.

According to S.A. Smirnov, funds can be divided into two groups. The first group includes adaptive tools that contribute to the preparation for the upcoming activity or the implementation of any function based on the assimilation of the available material.

The second group consists of informative means, which are a source of knowledge obtained independently.

In the direction we are studying, as shown by the analysis of the literature, many methods are used, both teaching and education. But if the application of upbringing methods is more about the family process of preparing for the creation of their own families, then teaching methods are more applicable in training and development programs. Traditionally, the teaching method is defined as a way of interrelated and mutually conditioned activities of the teacher and students aimed at achieving the goals of learning, or as a system of targeted actions of the teacher that organizes the cognitive and practical activities of students and provides a solution to learning problems. In essence, the very definition of the method contains a binary (dual) approach to its interpretation (M.M. Levina, M.I. Makhmudov, T.I. Shamova), which consists in the unity of teaching methods and teaching methods. To reveal the method more specifically, it is necessary to consider it at the level of techniques - specific ways of organizing the activities of trainees, educational activities of a schoolchild or student. Then the method of teaching, as well as the method of education, becomes "a tool for touching the personality", according to A.S. Makarenko , a way to stimulate and regulate the developing activities of students .

Specialists - researchers have up to 50 different teaching methods: storytelling, conversation, work on the source, demonstrations, exercises, independent work, educational game, debate, etc. But each method in specific circumstances is implemented in peculiar combinations of several techniques. Reception is most often defined as an integral part or a specific type of method.

We are convinced that active learning methods will be more effective in preparing for family life. A group of teaching methods built on the principles of activity and reflection of students. An analysis of the literature made it possible to determine their main features:

The presence of feedback;

"Forced" activation of thinking and behavior;

Dialogue of communication;

Reflection;

Increased emotionality.

Table 1.3.2

Classification of active learning methods

The application of these methods will be included in the psychological and pedagogical training program. family life, the description of which is considered in the experimental part.

Conclusions on the theoretical chapter:

The family is a small group, one of the most important social institutions that implement a number of socially significant functions (reproductive, educational, socialization, economic, emotional and psychological). The typology of families is variable.

The qualitative implementation of the designated functions requires targeted training of the younger generation. In general, readiness should be understood as the ability to implement all functions. Preparation for family life is the most important direction of psychological and pedagogical activity.

The most effective in the implementation of this direction is the use of active learning methods.

This contributes to the formation of ideas about love as the highest human feeling, about marriage and family relations. All this is very valuable, but at the current pace of life, the natural mechanism for transferring such knowledge is no longer sufficient. Therefore, an important place should also belong to the special training of the younger generation.

1 Kalmykova E.S. Psychological problems of the first years of married life // Questions of psychology. 1983. No. 3. S. 83-89.

knees at school and in the parental family to create their own family in the future; to perform marital and parental duties; to the upbringing of children.

One can agree with I.V. Grebennikov that, accordingly, the preparation of the younger generation for family life should include the following main aspects:

1. Social, revealing the policy of the state in the field of marriage and family relations and demography, as well as containing data on the social essence of marriage and family relations, the purpose of the family, family values, social roles of spouses and parents.

2. Moral and ethical, including the education of the following moral qualities: friendly attitude towards members of the opposite sex; respect for mother, father, elders and younger; child-rearing needs; responsibility, fidelity, honesty, restraint, kindness, compliance; sense of duty to the spouse, family, children; culture of intimate feelings.

3. Legal, focused on familiarization with the basics of legislation on marriage and family; with the most important provisions of family law; with the duties of spouses in relation to each other, to children, to society.

4. Psychological, forming concepts of personal development; about the peculiarities of the psychology of interpersonal relations of youth; about the psychological foundations of marriage and family life, the ability to understand the psychology of other people; development of feelings necessary for married and family life; possession of communication skills.

5. Physiological and hygienic, including knowledge of the physiological characteristics of the male and female organisms; characteristics of sexual life, personal hygiene issues, etc.

6. Pedagogical, including the formation of ideas about the role of the family in raising children, its pedagogical potential, the specifics of family education, the educational functions of the father and mother, and ways to improve the pedagogical culture of parents.

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

7. Economic and economic: arming with knowledge about the family budget, culture of life, housekeeping skills, etc. Comprehensive education of a family man is carried out under the influence of various socio-pedagogical and psychological factors.

Many researchers, emphasizing the multifactorial nature of this process, single out among them the family, school, peer society, fiction, the media, the public, and the church. The process of raising a family man, like any other similar process, is a set of educational interactions. At the same time, these interactions are purposeful (teacher - student) or spontaneous (teenager - peers) in nature.

Of paramount importance in these interactions is not only the impact on the pupil, but also his response. It also does not remain unchanged, it changes, develops. All this cannot be ignored when organizing work with youth.

Thus, the preparation of young people for family life is a complex of comprehensive interactions with parents, teachers, peers, with other people, with the media of culture and the media, as a result of which there is an awareness of the features of marriage and family relationships, the development of appropriate feelings, the formation of ideas, views , beliefs, qualities and habits associated with readiness for marriage and family life.

Family purpose. Formation of attitudes towards marriage and childbearing

Among the many aspects of the problem of forming the psychological readiness of young people for family life, one of the most important is the correct understanding by young people of the role of family and marriage in modern society, which, in turn, is associated with the peculiarities of the formation of attitudes in them, orientation towards marriage.

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

Why does a person need a family? This question is rarely asked by mature, adult people, but quite often by young people. At the same time, the concept of "family" has its own inner content for each individual. For a child, this is his mother, father, brothers, sisters, grandparents, uncles and aunts involved in his upbringing. For a young man after marriage, it seems that the family is first of all he and his young wife, then children.

Numerous aspects of the family have different meanings for the individual. The family provides a person with complete psychological and physiological comfort, performs the functions of an "emotional refuge". In the family, a person experiences a sense of his usefulness and value. A lot of human tragedies played out on the wave of a person's feeling of his "uselessness". The family allows everyone to feel their uniqueness, their originality, their "need" in full.

Each person is fatally and infinitely alone in this world. We come and go, our stay in this life lasts a very short time. We still don't know our hour of death. Modern man lives with a sense of the temporality of his stay.

In the uniqueness of human existence, in the uniqueness of his personal qualities, there are two sides: 1. Fear of getting lost, going unnoticed, "unnecessary"; 2. The desire to overcome loneliness, to become valuable, "needed", loved and irreplaceable. The more demanded, needed and valuable a person feels, the more chances and strength he has to overcome loneliness. Everyone wants to be loved. K. Jung wrote that a serious cause of mental disorders and diseases is "blocking of mental energy"; this happens when a person, moving away from difficulties, does not fulfill his life calling. Love in the family relieves loneliness, makes it possible to fully (not only bodily, sexually) accept a person. It is the family that provides a person with all the resources for self-actualization.

In addition to the need to be loved, each person strives to love himself. In youth, the decision to marry is caused by the desire of young people to dream of

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

long-term spiritual and physical intimacy. Here the family acts as a marriage, creates opportunities for the manifestation of feelings of humanism and love. Marriage orientation is the most important value orientation of young people before marriage in the first years of their life together. Over time, sooner or later, the spouses have a need to have children, the desire to be parents. This need is realized in the forms of motherhood and fatherhood.

For the family, for each of the spouses, the social and psychological side of fatherhood and motherhood is important, that is, the responsibilities for the care and upbringing of offspring that adults assume.

In addition, the conveniences of family life are manifested in the joint housekeeping by family members (first spouses, then children help), delicious home-cooked food, clean and well-groomed clothes, shoes, and comfortable housing.

Family life provides a person with a regular sexual life with a constant and reliable partner, which is important in the modern environment, where AIDS and venereal diseases are gaining strength. So what is a family for?

to have someone to rely on; to have someone to consult with; to have someone nearby whose opinion is valued; so that there is someone who will not leave you in trouble; to have someone with whom it is really good; to be around someone who shares the same values;

to have someone who will not envy; to have someone with whom you can share success;

To have someone nearby who you can trust; to have someone nearby who will support and protect in difficult times;

To have someone who looks at things in a similar way;

To have someone nearby who would balance the weaknesses.

All this together makes up the image of the family as a safe haven in a world of raging political struggles.

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

life, economic, technological, climatic and other passions and complexities of life. With the indisputable importance of all of the above, it should not be overestimated and dogmatized. This means that preparation for marriage and family life cannot be reduced to a formally simplified declaration of family values and the creation of marriage and family attitudes.

Marriage, as a psychological relationship between the sexes, includes as an indispensable condition both morality itself and the selectivity of individual erotic love. Only such love makes marriage moral, and therefore social in nature, capable of becoming the basis and reproductive function of the family. Marital and parental duty, responsibility determine the nature of the relationship between family members: a man and a woman, father - mother - child.

At the same time, modern marriage is increasingly focused on meeting the needs for intimate and informal communication. According to the results of one sociological survey1, only 38% of Russian female students worry about the possibility of never having children, and only 24% of young Russian women agree that “being a good wife and mother is the main vocation of a woman.”

Thus, another indispensable element in preparing young people for family life includes the attitude, orientation towards childbearing and acquiring the maximum number of children in the family.

What do children give?

Make spouses-relatives. Through the child, spouses, i.e. "relatives by choice" - husband and wife - become parents - father and mother, i.e. biological relatives;

The child gives parents the opportunity to openly show a sense of love and emotional self-expression (you can stroke your own baby, “squeeze”, kiss anywhere, hug, you can “tinker” with him, etc.);

1 Zdravomyslova O. Two-thirds of Russian female students want a husband-breadwinner // I myself. No. 4. 1997. P. 40.

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

The child forces parents to raise their cultural and educational level. Already the age of the “why-why” discovers that adults do not know much: mom refers to dad, and dad promises to look it up in the dictionary. Teaching children at school, in the same one where “for some reason they began to ask us more and more” and where “nowadays the first grade is like an institute” generally forces parents to “learn anew” and, oddly enough, learn a lot from their children;

The child acts as a kind of ethical regulator, he forces adults to restrain their negative emotions, control their speech, monitor manners and behavior. Interestingly, such a “controller” in the family is sometimes very useful and beneficial for parents and develops their self-control;

The child involuntarily allows adults to return to their own childhood, to relive it, as it were;

The child in the family provides a partnership - first in games, then possibly in some more serious daily activities, then - in housekeeping and, sometimes, shares and continues the professional hobbies of parents;

And finally, the child represents potential support and support in old age.

Raising a family man: ways, forms and means

Moral-moral and operational-educational training. An analysis of the effect of existing marriage and family relations shows that the majority of specialists involved in the problems of family and family education consider the moral level of people, including, first of all, one or another degree of awareness of moral norms, to be the main condition for the sustainable existence of marriage and family. The indisputability of such a provision is obvious. Indeed, the level of development of a person's moral consciousness largely determines his activity and behavior in the sphere of family relations.

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

Practice shows that modern young people, using the words of K. Vyazemsky and "are in a hurry to live, and they are in a hurry to feel."

From revelations: “It all started when I was 13-14 years old and, like many other girls at this age, I terribly wanted love, despite the fact that everything else was already there. I liked that strong, handsome guys with incorruptible devotion in their eyes pay attention to me. Cars honked on the streets, drivers winked at me, and passers-by looked after me. Then there was the first love. There were different campaigns, discos, pumped-up knights. A stormy, fun life began ... "

Nowadays, the leading motive for marriage is "love". However, when naming “love” as a motive for marriage, young people seem to put different meanings into this word. T.A. Florenskaya singles out1 three different understandings of this word: love as sexual attraction; love as the need to be loved; love as a dominant on the other. She gives their descriptions.

1. Dominance of sexual desire. Hypertrophy of sexual desire leads to the formation of a sexual dominant that captures all the vital forces of a person, turning him into a slave of his instincts. This becomes an obstacle to the mental and spiritual development of a person. The identification of love with physiology most often occurs with those children who grew up in families with unfavorable marital relations. The principal "mechanism" for the hypertrophy of the sexual need remains the same as in the case of the hypertrophy of the need for alcohol. T.A. Florenskaya writes that such people are not capable of creating a family, because they have too strong a need to change the "objects" of satisfying sexual needs. Experts in the field of psychology of family relations characterize such a situation as “serial monogamy”.

2. The need to be loved. This need is inherent in every person from the earliest

1 Florenskaya T.A. Dialogue in practical psychology. M, 1991.

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

childhood. However, often the need to be loved remains directed exclusively at oneself. Such a one-sided need - to be loved and inability to love is a mental defense against feelings of increased anxiety, dissatisfaction, rooted in early childhood. This egocentric, essentially neurotic need manifests itself in increased demands for self-love, jealousy, suspiciousness, an increased desire to draw attention to oneself, resentment, etc. An increased need to be loved and recognized is expressed in painful reactions to failure, an increased level claims that do not correspond to the real possibilities of a person. This failure in love, the inability to love, combined with a strong need to be loved, manifests itself in violent affects. Such people in marriage are constantly busy clarifying relationships, and not affairs, of which there are so many in marriage. 3 The ability to love. The levels of the ability to "love" are different - from mutual feelings to selfless selfless love, able to survive the lack of reciprocity. Such a person is faithful in love and reliable in the family. If sensual pleasures inevitably lead to satiety, then love is not satiated: a loved one does not get bored, he opens up deeper and deeper. The lovers form one organism, the separation of which is like death. At present, marriage is becoming a voluntary affair of two young people who, even if they are economically dependent on their parents, often do not let them in on their intentions. Speaking of marriage, we must not forget that the desire to enter into a marital union and the degree of readiness for its conclusion are far from the same concepts. According to psychologists, the moral and psychological preparedness of a person for marriage means the perception of a whole range of requirements, duties and social standards of behavior that govern family life. These include:

1 Torokhtiy B.C. Psychology of social work with the family. M., 1996. 127

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

Willingness to take on a new system of responsibilities in relation to their marriage partner, future children and responsibility for their behavior;

Understanding the rights and dignity of other members of the family union, recognition of the principles of equality in human relations;

The desire for everyday communication and cooperation, coordination of interactions with a representative of the opposite sex, which in turn implies a high moral culture;

The ability to adapt to the habits and character traits of another person and understanding his mental states.

B.C. Torokhty believes that these requirements are implemented in different families to varying degrees, on the basis of this obvious fact, he introduces the concept of "ability to marry", which involves several components.

1. This is the ability to take care of another person, selflessly serve him, actively do good.

2. The ability to sympathize, empathize, compassion, i.e. "enter" the partner's emotional world, understand his joys and sorrows, experiences and failures, defeats and victories, find spiritual unity with another person.

3. The ability to cooperate, cooperate, interpersonal communication, the availability of skills and abilities in the implementation of many types of work, the organization of home consumption and distribution.

4. High ethical and psychological culture, offering the ability to be tolerant and condescending, generous and kind, to accept another person with all the oddities and shortcomings, to suppress one's own egoism. All these abilities are indicators of a person's ability to quickly change their behavior in accordance with changing circumstances, to show tolerance, stability and predictability of their behavior, the ability to compromise. B.C. Torokhtiy, noting the high importance of the preparedness of each individual for marriage, notes that

The text is taken from the psychological site http://psylib.myword.ru

strength, the fate of marriage depends on many factors. After all, two personalities with their complex psychological and physiological characteristics are united in a family. It is very important for married people to be socially and psychologically mature individuals.

To psychological maturity, according to B.C. Topox-tiya refers to the absence of excessive egoism, aggressiveness, and vice versa - the ability to admit one's own mistakes and the desire for constant self-improvement in marital relations.

The set of factors that ensure the maturity of the individual in intra-family relations and, therefore, are an indispensable element in preparing young people for family life also includes:

Communication skills;

Possession of psychotechnics of communication and self-regulation;

Psychological support;

Good nature and quickness in a quarrel;

Tolerance for the shortcomings of another;

Ability to overcome conflict situations;

Desire and readiness for the appearance of children and joint care for their development, upbringing and education;

The social activity of family members and their ability not to become isolated in a narrow circle of family affairs.

Add to this the ability to forgive.

This maturity is not achieved overnight and depends on many factors. The first factor is the need for psychological readiness and ability to fulfill the role of husband and wife, and then father and mother. Each social role includes certain expectations that are placed on its performer. Therefore, readiness for the role of husband and wife means a clear knowledge of these expectations (i.e., rights and obligations) and the desire to fulfill them.

Problems of preparation for the family life of young people. Preparation for family life. What will we do with the received material?

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