Home Preparations for the winter Tales of lesbian love. Tramontana. Stories about lesbian love (Evgenia Monastyrskaya). Zero cycle. Science fiction stories Boris Fradkin

Preparations for the winter

Tales of lesbian love. Tramontana. Stories about lesbian love (Evgenia Monastyrskaya). Zero cycle. Science fiction stories Boris Fradkin

Every year, interest in the LGBT community is growing. People are more and more open about their orientation and preferences. Coming outs don't come as a shock when we read the news. And rumors that Cara Delavigne has found herself a new girlfriend look boring and banal as boring and banal as the new passions of Leonardo DiCaprio look. Despite such external openness and even the opportunity to legalize their relations in some countries, there are those who still treat homosexuals with hatred and contempt. And their percentage is also high.

I think that in every historical turn there are categories of people who are deprived. If you delve into history, then before such people were Jews and African Americans, pagans and Islamists were subjected to hatred. There are always those who do not fit into the framework of social norms, but any deviation can be not only exclusively negative, but also positive. It should be noted that in the global sense the world can only exist in a balance mode, and the theory of evolution justifies homosexuals as a way to balance the population. People hate only what they do not know, what they are not used to. Adherents of the patriarchal system do not tolerate non-traditional relationships, because they do not have the opportunity to conceive and give birth to a child. But is it worth talking about the percentage of adoptive parents, as well as using IVF and giving birth naturally? Is it worth talking about the percentage of heterosexual families in which there is simply no man? Is it worth saying that a person does not choose whom to love?

The non-traditional becomes traditional if it is passed down from generation to generation and accepted by the majority. That is, it can be assumed that in 50 years in countries where same-sex marriages are considered the norm, they will finally get used to homosexuals.

Olga and Katya
Oddly enough, but our acquaintance has developed in a more than banal way. We found each other in the vastness of the same social network, when I was in Minsk, and Katyusha temporarily lived in India. We began to correspond across time zones. And then it turned out that it was simply impossible to live without a phone. You see, you wake up with your phone, fall asleep with it, eat and work. When Katya arrived, the first and only date was not long in coming. It was not possible to meet the second time, because we immediately began to live together.
To be honest, I never liked the word lesbian. Terrible straight, there is no beauty in it. Perhaps we can be considered just open people. I am far from all these conventions. We definitely don’t lead a reclusive life, but we don’t go to parades with rainbow flags either.
My mother first heard from me about my tastes when I was 12-13 years old, I think she began to guess even earlier. There were different times in her attitude towards my choice, but this is understandable. Now my mother and I are friends, and I am the best child for her. I think that to some extent I was not able to fulfill her hopes and dreams, but she never talks about it.
There are no problems with society. I was always hired, and I never felt infringed on my rights, just because I love women. I think it all depends on the person - I have always been loved, respected and appreciated wherever I work. With the advent of Mikel, nothing has changed, there is bewilderment, but they don’t pester us on the streets and don’t throw stones at us. Judging by social networks, among our subscribers there are many hetero couples who are watching and admiring us. This is great.
To be honest, I don't remember a single time that we brought up the topic of having children. If you remember, we didn't even have a second date. The story is like this. One day we were going about our business and passing through a regular antenatal clinic, we stopped. Katya came into the office fully dressed in motorcycle gear and said that she wanted to become a mother. That's how it all started. She gave me a daughter the following year. Has our life changed? Of course yes, in absolutely everything, a “new girl” has appeared in our house, which now steals all our time. Every day we teach her something new, and she, in turn, teaches us something.
I never seriously thought about legitimizing our relationship. I don't see the point of getting married in a country where it's just a sham. What will this paper give? I believe that all marriages are made in heaven, and it is enough for me that we are a family, we have a wonderful daughter, I love and respect my girls. And I do not need any papers and evidence for this.

Snezhana and Sveta
It all started with the fact that I downloaded the Enjoy app - it's like Tinder, only for girls. The dialogue with Sveta was one of the first, we awkwardly joked and agreed to drink beer, which I did not take seriously. To be honest, I did not think that the first meeting would have such a strong impact on our future. The next meeting took place a couple of days later, and then we were unstoppable.
Literally a month later, I almost lived with Sveta, the official move took place after 4 months of relationship. At the moment we have been together for a year, time is running, we are happy. My mother treats Sveta very well, we visit each other, moreover, our last vacation, from which we returned a couple of days ago, was also a joint, you know, family vacation.
Sveta's parents do not know about her orientation, but I can assume that, like many parents who feel the child, they guess.
When we walk down the street, we almost always hold hands, tactile contact always occurs. We are sincere and do not hide our feelings and emotions when they ask to come out. What for? True, we cannot afford to kiss in a public place, except on the sly and when no one is watching. People react differently. Someone laughs, someone looks with a questioning look, there are a lot of condemning people, but we don’t care, we love and are not going to live the way others want to live.
We are always together and I simply cannot imagine life without her, and I never cease to thank the universe for such a gift. Of course, I would like to get married, but what is happening in Russia, or rather what is not happening at all, prevents this. I often ask myself a question. Why can't we live a normal life like other people live? We are equal. Why should we suffer and hurt our feelings, hide, be afraid of being judged and rejected? Why should we be afraid to kiss each other when we meet? This is a global and sad topic, but there is no other way. We are all the same people, only with a different story. And all of us, deep down, sincerely hope that someday something will change in our country.

Lera and Lera
I dedicate my story to people who believe that their "good" is good for everyone, and someone else's point of view has no right to exist.
It all started 8 years ago when I met my favorite female person. It was the birth of something many times more than just friendship, and in the future turned into a union of two soulmates. It all happened thanks to a site with online diaries that was popular at that time. Then all sorts of messengers of those times, tons of text with a discussion of almost any topic, but not personal information and history. We saw each other's photos after 4-5 years of communication, and met in person after six months of starting a relationship at a distance. Everything happened as it should have been - and after a couple of months I moved to another city to her. I have been here for three years already: I study, I work. A year ago, we finally began to live together - both joy and torment (for people with an acute need for personal space).
Despite all attempts, both of us are not yet completely autonomous, and parents can demand something. Here it should be noted that my family, although heterosexual, is far from the traditional model. Give as an example at least father's tattoos, nipple and ear piercings and mother's same-sex experiments in his youth. But they never demanded a husband and children from me. When my parents found out about my real reason for moving to another city, they were not happy. On the other hand, they couldn't do anything. Until now, no one has discussed the topic of homosexuality. The girl's parents are much more conservative than mine, but their position is the same - close your eyes.
We have never had problems with society, I think, for two obvious reasons: we do not declare anything openly and do not look somehow atypical. One activist scolded us for our passivity and unwillingness to prove to society that we are normal and just want to defend our rights. But I can say for myself, I do not believe in the mythical possibility of building a new humane value system within our country, in which homosexuals will fit. No, this is clearly not going to happen in my lifetime. Therefore, no actions and public debates. I do not want to reason with those who have convinced themselves in advance of the impenetrability of their point of view.
I am not afraid of the lack of rights for LGBT citizens of Russia, I am afraid of the lack of rights for all citizens. Life in Russia is futile for both ordinary citizens and LGBT people (but when you are gay, there is definitely more spark and life is “more fun”). There is no future for us in Russia, so a master's degree in Europe is our way out.

Alina and Maria
We met in the 3rd year, and before that we studied at the same stream. During this time, we only talked a couple of times, there was interest in each other, but Masha was in a relationship, and by the way, I also met a guy.
When we began to communicate closely, I found out about her "real" orientation, it turned out that she noticed me as soon as we entered the university. I didn't have girls before Masha.
Parents reacted differently. Her father and my mother thought it was strange, but they accepted it and didn't judge it. Now Masha and her mother have become very close. She often visits our house. As for Masha's mother, when she found out, she kicked her out of the house. And everything was really creepy there, but that was before me, so I won't go into details. What upsets me the most is my father's attitude to this, because he is a very smart person who is sure that homosexuality is a disease.
Society. I remember how at the beginning of the relationship, all sorts of freaks on the street came up to us with some vague questions. But it quickly passed. I can't even guess what it's about. My close friends and classmates reacted sensibly, even positively. Some of them were even offended that we hid for so long. If we see someone whispering at the sight of us, we smile. There is no point in keeping negativity in yourself if you are happy.
After graduating from university, we plan to live together, despite the fact that it is difficult. We will rent an apartment and work in order to be able to buy housing in the future.

Olga and Larisa
We met 5 years ago, at a birthday party, then Larisa's girlfriend. At that moment I was free, Larisa seemed beautiful and smart, but I was not at all interested. After all, she was in a relationship, and that was enough for me.
Once I couldn't sleep, and I decided to chat with someone, and Larisa was the only person online. We talked until the morning, and I found out that Larisa is now also free. After that we talked constantly, and a week later we agreed to meet. Literally a month later we started living together.
I've never lived with a girl before, somehow always stayed within the family nest. But each time I appeared at home less and less, I had to tell why. Mom didn’t say anything special and took everything calmly. Later we talked to her, and she said that she loves me and since this is my choice, then she accepts it. There were problems with other relatives, namely with a brother and sister. Eventually, everyone got used to it. We became very friendly and go to visit each other, celebrate holidays together. But Larisa's parents did not accept the choice of their daughter. Of course, they communicate, but in every conversation, mom makes it clear that she does not like all this.
How did society react? I have no idea. We don’t talk about it on purpose, we behave decently and don’t kiss on the street. I think that many guess about our relationship. But we are already adults and we have not been worried about the opinions of others for a long time. We opened ourselves to people who are dear to us and with whom we want to communicate in life. These are our friends, and they are all of a traditional orientation, having families and children. By the way, they accepted us without any reproaches. With the rest, we try not to be frank.
For two years now we have been living not together, but three of us. Larisa gave birth to a son - a beautiful and cheerful baby. We came to this consciously. We decided that there should be even more love in our family, that we just need one more bright ray of sunshine. The father of the child was an old friend of Larisa, whom they met on one of the sites, especially for the birth of a child. He is gay. There was no mention of any clinics. He came to our house, collected the biomaterial in a syringe and handed it over to me. Got it 3 times. And everything was fine, we even gave birth together. In the near future, I am also going to become a mother. Of course, there are some legal difficulties. After all, from the side of the law we are strangers to each other. For example, I could not get to the hospital when Larisa and her baby were taken for examination, as only relatives were allowed in. But it was a state institution, in paid other rules. For money, people are ready not to neglect you, so you have to pay.
Of course, we think about the future of the child, and our opinions differ a little. I am increasingly thinking about how to properly explain to the child why mom lives with Olya, and not with dad, and so on. Larisa says that the problem should be solved as it becomes available. Despite all this, we will try to educate children so that they do not have to feel any inconvenience in life.

Anya and Dasha
Anya fell in love with me first, as it is commonly believed in our couple. But to be honest, she attracted me even when I saw her photo. It showed a girl in a T-shirt, with a short haircut, a strong-willed look and a lit cigarette. I love visual art, or maybe just impressionable. But the photo seemed to me very powerful, Anya - courageous and impudent. In general - a complete set.
When we met, the world turned upside down. Anya was not at all rude, but at the same time, calling me "beautiful" vibes were felt definitely masculine. You know, when a man compliments you, you feel something like that. It is worth noting that I had not communicated so closely with women before, although some tried to show me signs of attention. With what it is connected, I do not know.
I hadn't dated girls before Anya, and I can't say that the fact that she was a girl made me happy. I suffered for a very long time and was tormented by fear of public opinion, and also by my parents and friends. It was terribly scary. But something impossibly drew me to her. For half a year we only talked, went to exhibitions and to the cinema, took pictures (Anya-photographer), drank cognac together and lived this life like this. Happy and together. During this time, a lot has happened. Anya broke up with the girl, and I ... And I fell in love with her with all my heart. I fell in love with her as a person, first of all. And I had to get used to the gender.
We were cool together and everything spun. I kissed her first, then one day I left home with a big suitcase. She left not because I wanted to live together, but simply because I wanted to leave. But it turned out like this. Family life seemed to me even more cheerful and joyful. After all, it was not necessary to part, and it was always sad. After a while, Anya gave me a ring. And if there was an opportunity to sign, then I think we would be the first to stand in line.
We love each other and do not hide our feelings, we always walk hand in hand, kiss and laugh, Anya carries me in her arms, we can say that we live a full life. It will sound strange, but people love us and not only those on the Internet. We are often told that we are beautiful and unusual. And it seems to me that the matter is in the love that lives in the heart. It spreads to people around and makes them a little kinder.
We have been dating for 2.5 years, of which we have been living together for a year and a half and do not plan to leave. It is too early to talk about children, but no one excludes the possibility that someday we will decide. In the meantime, we are planning to get a cat. I love Anya very much, I know that she will read this, so I will say it again. I love you Ann.

In conclusion, I would like to say only that love is the best feeling on earth that cannot be discriminated against. Love each other at all costs, give yourself to each other. And I really hope that everyone will find the very one - the soul mate.

I Loved Her: True Stories of Same-Sex Love was last modified: February 13th, 2017 by Dasha Krasnova

A woman's love for a woman... what can such a union give? The heroines of the stories are women of different ages, professions, cities, countries. They are united by one thing - they all want Love. And since two women meet on the way to this special love, feelings are aggravated to the limit. Tramontana is a wind that blows so long and hard that there is a belief in Catalonia: Tramontana deprives people of their minds. The heroines of the stories balance on the edge: the wind of change, breaking into their lives, changes their reality.

Tramontana

* * *

The following excerpt from the book Tramontana. Tales of lesbian love (Evgenia Monastyrskaya) provided by our book partner - the company LitRes.

ISBN 978-5-4490-8169-8

Created with the intelligent publishing system Ridero

Tramontana

Storybook

Evgenia Monastyrskaya

First edition

Cover design by Evgenia Monastyrskaya

The cover of the book is based on Maria Reznik's painting "Wind »

It seemed to her that her beloved was drifting away from her; the face dissolves in the haze, the thin silhouette melts, large attentive eyes slip away. How strange, - thought Lena, - Natasha is very close, but so alien, withdrawn, not mine.

Lena was sitting in the kitchen at her laptop, drinking strong tea, it was past one in the morning. She tried to read the news on the Internet, but a vague premonition of an impending disaster made it difficult to focus on the text.

Her girlfriend was sleeping in the room. Not mine, - Lena repeated to herself and looked into the black gap of the window. Rare sex, which happened once a month, has not brought them joy for a long time. It was no longer close. At such moments, it seemed to her that they were two spoiled robots, automatically making ridiculous movements, making ridiculous sounds. After this affair, otherwise she could not name what happened between them, she experienced annoyance and a sharp sense of embarrassment. And even more - she was ashamed, ashamed for no reason.

They wandered around the apartment in overcast shadows, and Lena felt the tension rising. Natasha pretended that nothing was happening. She still cooked dinner for her, mechanically asked about something and even kissed her on the cheek loudly. But instead of the interesting conversations at the table, which they had so appreciated before, now a painful silence hung over them. Attempts to start a conversation did not lead to anything - the dialogue immediately died out. And Lena again felt annoyed and awkward.

Clarification of relations only complicated the situation; they showered each other with mutual claims, reproached with selfishness. Lena still felt tenderness for this slender girl, she wanted to hug her head, bury her face in her hair, kiss her on the top of her head and say the phrase that she repeated so often:

- I love your brain. I kiss you on the brain.

From the beginning of their stormy relationship, Lena was afraid that their love was a fragile miracle, that every year it would fade, fade away. In the beginning, she told Natasha, the end had already been made. Everything goes through its cycle: birth, development, death. More than once she wanted to leave, to run away from this relationship, so as not to watch their sad collapse, the end. It was wonderful, she said, to part on the rise, at the very beginning.

How do people deal with it? Lena thought. With the gradual fading of feelings? Reconcile? Think boredom in a relationship isn't the worst thing? What is better than a proven reliable partner - a friend, even if not too interesting and not desirable, than loneliness and the search for new unknown relationships? They get used to each other, become family, which is not bad - to have a loved one in this changeable and very dangerous world. Endless conversations, quivering touches, violent caresses - this delightful journey into each other ends sooner or later. And His Majesty Habit creeps out onto the stage slowly. Many continue to live, immured in a habit. What about others? Others flee. But maybe someone still pulls out this magic ticket, which is called a "happy marriage"?

“They won’t call a good deed a marriage,” Natasha liked to repeat with a smile.

And at the same time, Natasha has always strived to build stable long-term relationships. And to Lena's moaning that everything ends someday, she cheerfully answered:

- Yes, it ends. But between the beginning and the end there will be so many meetings, so much love and vivid feelings. Skirmishes and stormy reconciliations. Whole life! Worth living!

Yes, their life was really bright, Lena thought, got up and poured another glass of tea. But what happened now?

Once, at the beginning of their romance, Lena asked:

How did your relationship with your previous girlfriend end?

- No scandals. We became uninteresting to each other. They lived in the same apartment as neighbors, each with its own life. One day I just asked her to give me the keys to my apartment. She calmly gave and disappeared from my life.

Lena carefully, so as not to make noise, again sat down at the table. Absently glanced at the surface of the tabletop and only now, among a couple of books, untidy cups and sheets of paper, Natasha noticed a mobile phone. She picked it up mechanically and stroked the smooth screen with her fingers.

She suddenly had an unbearable desire to look at the messages. Maybe Natasha has another? And right now, she will detect their text messages? Never in the four years of their romance had she allowed herself to look at her phone. Even when at times she suspected that Natasha could have an affair. No, she considered it disgusting and unacceptable.

Carefully, as if it were a living fragile creature, she placed the phone on the table. And again she stared at Yandex, however, having already forgotten what she was looking for there. On the street, a mongrel howled sadly.

Lena touched the mobile phone again with her fingers; the shiny surface hypnotized. She listened to the silence of the sleepy apartment. And no longer able to forbid herself, feeling as if she was committing some disgusting dirty crime, she pressed the small button on the phone. The small screen lit up. Her hands trembled, she again listened to the silence of the apartment, it seemed to her that Natasha would now enter the kitchen.

Called incoming messages. The texts were from her. A couple from their mutual friend. And suddenly... She couldn't believe her eyes: a text message from three weeks ago was the password and login from the dating site Loveplanet. A familiar site from which she left with relief, having met Natasha there and realizing that they would stay together for a long time.

Lena looked at the glowing screen of her mobile. My heart was pounding. She pulled her laptop towards her and for about five minutes, trying to calm the trembling in her body, sat clutching the phone. Finally, with trembling fingers, she typed Loveplanet in Yandex, scored the password and entered Natasha's account.

Natasha corresponded with five girls. Lena could not read the correspondence, the lines jumped, blurred, she only glided over the beginning of the sentences. Finally, I found a rather long message and forced myself to read the first lines. “I am pleased to correspond with such an interesting woman as you…” Natasha wrote to her interlocutor. An impressive paragraph followed, it was clear that Natasha had been thinking over the text for a long time and choosing phrases. Once upon a time, she wrote to her in the same lengthy and detailed way.

The next half hour passed in a blur. Lena stared blankly at Yandex, her body shook with a slight shiver, and her heart fluttered somewhere in her throat. She made plans to visit the site every day and track correspondence. He will watch how their relationship develops, read how Natasha lies to her interlocutor, telling that she has no one, how she falls in love, makes compliments ... and, finally, they make an appointment. And then Lena will come to that cafe or to that metro station, to that boulevard and ... She slammed the lid of her laptop.

She took a cup of cold tea. She took a long sip, and it tasted disgustingly bitter. There was a shuffle in the hallway. The kitchen door opened.

“Baby, it’s already three in the morning, go to bed,” Natasha blinked sleepily and poured herself some water, “tomorrow you will walk sluggishly.

Natasha put down the empty glass.

“Lie down,” she said mechanically and left the kitchen.

After a couple of minutes, Lena entered the room. She turned on the nightlight and sat on the edge of the bed.

- I need to talk to you.

- Right now? Natasha squinted in displeasure.

Lena hesitated. For some reason, she smoothed out the wrinkles on the blanket. Finally, I forced myself to say:

Are you on a dating site?

“Of course not,” Natasha answered tiredly, “you already asked me a week ago.

Lena again felt ashamed, for herself, for Natasha. Her beloved had to lie, to deny. Natasha desperately resisted, while maintaining a bewildered calmness.

Of course, Lena thought, trying not to look at her friend's imperturbable face, it doesn't occur to her that I discovered her correspondence. That's right, she already forgot about this lost SMS with a username and password.

The whole thing seemed like a bad dream, a cheap mediocre play written by a drunken loser playwright. She looked around automatically, as if afraid to see behind her the auditorium and rare bored spectators, absentmindedly staring at their mobile phones.

How absurd and vulgar everything is, she thought, and for some reason she suddenly took Natasha's hand. In this unnecessary, superfluous touch, she so wanted to convey her tenderness, love. It was a desperate gesture, as if she was trying to grab onto that hand, to hold on to something important, elusive, to turn back time. Yes, now she desperately loved her. And to my surprise, she didn't feel angry at all. Only pain, shame. And aching tenderness. Not even to Natasha, but to their love, to their common world, which, agonizing, fell into pieces. As if she was watching a car-hit, tormented bird with crumpled wings. The bird was dying, their love was dying before her eyes. The bird twitched slightly all over. Opening its beak in a silent cry, the bird looked into space with surprised, pain-filled, slowly glazed eyes.

Lena felt her teeth begin to chatter against each other. And she clenched her jaw. Now she was both a victim and an executioner. She must say it, expose her. What will Natasha's face look like? What will her lover say? How will it be defended?

“It seems to me that you are sitting on a dating site,” Lena said in a barely audible voice, and the phrase seemed terribly stupid to her.

“Baby, you are paranoid.

She can convince me for a long time that I have paranoia, Lena thought with pain, looking at Natasha's face. It seemed to her that she was balancing on the edge of the abyss and now, closing her eyes, she would take a step into the abyss.

- I went into your phone, there was a password from Loveplanet, - her own voice seemed alien to her, - I saw ... your correspondence.

Natasha breathed out. It was a breath-groan, long, deaf. She automatically pulled the blanket over herself, as if trying to hide behind it.

- Yes ... here ... - Natasha stared at the folds of the sheet.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The soft light of the nightlight illuminated the room, Lena was shaking with bouts of nervous trembling.

“You are the only girl I didn’t cheat on,” Natasha broke the silence, “and this correspondence ... this innocent flirting would have remained flirting. Believe me, it was not in my thoughts to meet someone in real life. I can't even imagine it. I didn't mean to cheat on you.

- Forgive me. I will delete my account tomorrow. I do not need these acquaintances, all this is not serious. It's just… it's a game. I just wanted someone to admire me, be interested ...

“Am I not interested in you? Lena felt her cheeks burn.

- Baby, let's sleep. It's already late. We'll talk tomorrow.

Lena was lying on the edge of the bed, curled up, her hand under her cheek. She wanted to turn around and hug Natasha to her, shower her beloved face with kisses, breathe in her native smell. But she did not move. Carefully studied the black silhouettes of furniture, marked in the dark.

Most of all, she felt sorry for the unlived - their joint future, which now might not happen. It is a pity for the days that they could pass together. Those places, sensations, joy and sadness, discoveries, impressions, the taste of food and wine, books, films, touches, smells, sunrises and sunsets, different countries, the cries of cicadas and the sound of sea waves, the simple joys of everyday life and the countless cups of coffee that they could cook each other in the morning...

So, I will share all this with myself and with other people, - thought Lena, - but forever, yes, I know, forever there will be sadness that is not with you ...

Dawn dawned outside. She listened to the even breathing of the sleeping girl.

It's strange that I don't cry. I'll probably cry later. She clearly realized that this was the beginning. The beginning of their end.

August 2015

HOW TO SURVIVE A PARTITION

Living in the past, you will never come to the future.

“I don’t want to part,” Sasha said in a barely audible voice.

“Let me go,” Katya looked away.

It sounded like a prayer.

"Let me go" - now these words echo in her head. She puts her fingers in her ears and closes her eyes. Runs from these words through cities, stations, countries. Through a series of flickering faces, multi-colored eyes, sweaty or well-groomed bodies. She hopes, desperately hopes, that when she returns to her house in the fall, the echo will be gone.

Her armpits smelled like the sea. Perhaps that is why Sasha was so hopelessly attached to her. It was the smell of her childhood - tart, salty, fresh, intoxicating.

As a little girl, her mother took her to her grandmother in Odessa for the summer. At the age of five, she had already learned to swim and dive superbly. The sea became for her a kind, gentle, understanding friend. It dissolved longing, washed away sadness, lulled sadness, gave strength and hope. She turned into a dolphin. The boundless expanse of the sea became her homeland.

How then is it possible to part with a girl whose armpits smell of the sea, childhood, joy?

She loved sniffing it. Slowly she raised her hand and with pleasure buried her nose in the tender hollow of the armpit. She caught a faint salty smell and closed her eyes. She frowned with displeasure if she smelled an admixture of deodorant, as if her sea had been poisoned by vulgar chemistry.

Katya was with her, her sea was always there. Until something breaks. As the unforgettable Françoise Sagan wrote: “Love is beautiful in the beginning. Even more beautiful in the middle. And then it all depends on who gets tired first. Katya was the first to get tired.

They broke up in early May. The cool light of a night lamp dimly illuminated the room.

Sasha walked over to her. She gently took her by the shoulders. The room became quiet. Darkness swirled in the corners. And the air felt thick and heavy and hot.

- But what about the sea ... how will I be without your sea smell? Sasha said.

Katya didn't answer.

“No one else will smell like the sea like you,” holding back tears, Sasha tried to look into her eyes.

- What? .. won't say?

- What do I smell ... the sea ...

Sasha went to the country, plunging into the beginning of the ringing June. I listened to the nightingales, inhaled the smell of freshly blossomed lilacs. And I watched the soft twilight gently descend on the earth. She watched the silent flight of a small bat. A furry, nimble animal was hunting for moths fluttering carelessly in the darkening garden. Do they know that in the coolness of the blue hour, a sharp-toothed swift death lies in wait for them?

“Today was a good night,” Sasha said, making morning tea, “I didn’t dream about it.”

She was tormented by dreams: she runs after her beloved, tries to grab her hand, calls and cries. But Katya melts, dissolves into the crowd, leaving behind a barely perceptible smell of the sea.

Previously, a good night could be considered the night when they had sex. Every month it happened less and less. Now it's a big luck if I don't dream about it, - Sasha chuckled. Well, she was lucky tonight. She got out of bed and managed to smile.

She took the phone, turned it over in her fingers. It is necessary to delete all SMS: all tenderness, love, passion. All the funny affectionate nicknames they used to call each other. That's better. Don't get hung up on words. These words are alive somewhere out there; in another dimension. Not here. Her fingers trembled slightly when she sent SMS into oblivion, it seemed to her that she was crumpling, killing multi-colored fragile butterflies. They writhed and thrashed under her fingers and fluttered their wings in their death throes.

Taking a breath, she threw the cell phone on the table. And she froze, thought, peering into the lush greenery of the summer cottage. She tried to solve this monstrous puzzle: why? Why is everything like this? But this is without explanation. As the same Sagan wrote: "Do not think about such things, otherwise you will go crazy."

We need to turn the page. Close relationship. She was always surprised by people who do it with ease. Well, she's ready to learn it.

I did not want to return to Moscow. Her city is filled with memories. For the last time, walking around the center on a summer evening with friends, she quickened her pace, trying to quickly pass the places of their joint walks. Here was their third date, and here they were sitting on the summer terrace of a cafe and dreaming about the future. The city is swollen with memories, it oozes with them. I want to squeeze it out like a wet rag and hang it on a clothesline under the sizzling - merciless sun. Then the capital can be used again. Walking calmly through the streets, not shuddering from memories, not closing your eyes, not quickening your pace. Give me back my city,” she whispered, staring at the spat-stained asphalt, “virgin-clean, not shooting with a burning past!”

Their first kiss was public. They sat in the Coffee House, sipping baileys. And they did not notice the people sitting around, the muffled buzz of the cafe and the waitress flickering past with a tenacious look and an imperturbable, sharp, thin face frozen like the face of a mummy. Sasha felt Katya's closeness, she was sitting next to her on the sofa and lightly touched her with her elbow.

Katya opened a small leather rucksack and began laying stones on the table.

- Here, they are from Vyborg. You asked me to bring you ... - a week ago she returned from a trip to Vyborg - I warmed the cold northern stones in my palms, thought about you and dreamed that we would meet again.

Katya again looked into her backpack and placed on the table a small figure of a medieval knight, holding a sword high above his head.

- And this is me, - said Katya, - I give you myself. My friends have always said that in life I am a Steadfast Tin Soldier.

Sasha stroked the figurine and said softly:

- Interesting ... at what temperature does tin melt?

“Don't worry, you've already managed to create that temperature.

Katya was silent for a couple of seconds, looking at her hands and quietly added:

- I'm already melting.

Katya turned her head and looked at Sasha with tenderness, with hope. Then she brought her face closer and kissed her. The kiss was long. And when Sasha finally broke away from her hot lips and looked into the girl's eyes, she clearly understood with delight mixed with horror: a new era was beginning in her life.

Now she bypasses this cafe. Panically runs away from him.

She needs to build fresh ant trails in her city. Fill the streets with fresh meetings, impressions, delights. Kisses at the end! Explore new untrodden spaces. Why is Zamoskvorechye bad, say? She knows so little of him. Sleepy, dilapidated, dying, delightful in its doom.

The city has become a dangerous trap. With caution, you need to lay the route; as if you are making your way through the minefield of your memory, ready at any moment to explode and smash your head into hundreds of bloodied pieces. She will become a sapper. Or not, - rather - a deserter. Looks like she's already become one.

In July, I received a text message from a friend from Helsinki. She called her to visit, promising an interesting rich program. Yes, I have to go, thought Sasha, and remembered the words of Oscar Wilde: "Treat your soul with impressions."

Entering the carriage compartment, she clearly understood that her journey was really a desertion, an escape. Let it be. She must survive, be reborn to a new life. And she will use everything that is possible!

Sasha stayed at the hostel. During the day they wandered around Helsinki with Vika, and in the evening she remained alone and listened to herself.

Fatted gulls, bellowing heart-rendingly, rushed over the city, plentifully irrigating the clothes of passers-by with whitish droppings. Birds landed on the heads of monuments, and thoughtful stone faces were covered with a thick layer of white guano. The seagulls unceremoniously gutted the urns, fighting each other for scraps. “Proud birds, sung by poets, called to fight the sea wind and fearlessly soar over the seas, what have you become,” Sasha thought, sitting on the lawn and drinking a can of beer hidden in a bag.

End of introductory segment.

ISBN 978-5-4490-8169-8

Created with the intelligent publishing system Ridero

Tramontana

Storybook

Evgenia Monastyrskaya

First edition

Cover design by Evgenia Monastyrskaya

The cover of the book is based on Maria Reznik's painting "Wind »

GAP

- I love your brain. I kiss you on the brain.

“They won’t call a good deed a marriage,” Natasha liked to repeat with a smile.

And at the same time, Natasha has always strived to build stable long-term relationships. And to Lena's moaning that everything ends someday, she cheerfully answered:

- Yes, it ends. But between the beginning and the end there will be so many meetings, so much love and vivid feelings. Skirmishes and stormy reconciliations. Whole life! Worth living!

Yes, their life was really bright, Lena thought, got up and poured another glass of tea. But what happened now?

Once, at the beginning of their romance, Lena asked:

How did your relationship with your previous girlfriend end?

She took a cup of cold tea. She took a long sip, and it tasted disgustingly bitter. There was a shuffle in the hallway. The kitchen door opened.

“Baby, it’s already three in the morning, go to bed,” Natasha blinked sleepily and poured herself some water, “tomorrow you will walk sluggishly.

Natasha put down the empty glass.

“Lie down,” she said mechanically and left the kitchen.

After a couple of minutes, Lena entered the room. She turned on the nightlight and sat on the edge of the bed.

- I need to talk to you.

- Right now? Natasha squinted in displeasure.

Lena hesitated. For some reason, she smoothed out the wrinkles on the blanket. Finally, I forced myself to say:

Are you on a dating site?

“Of course not,” Natasha answered tiredly, “you already asked me a week ago.

Lena again felt ashamed, for herself, for Natasha. Her beloved had to lie, to deny. Natasha desperately resisted, while maintaining a bewildered calmness.

“It seems to me that you are sitting on a dating site,” Lena said in a barely audible voice, and the phrase seemed terribly stupid to her.

“Baby, you are paranoid.

- I went into your phone, there was a password from Loveplanet, - her own voice seemed alien to her, - I saw ... your correspondence.

Natasha breathed out. It was a breath-groan, long, deaf. She automatically pulled the blanket over herself, as if trying to hide behind it.

- Yes ... here ... - Natasha stared at the folds of the sheet.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The soft light of the nightlight illuminated the room, Lena was shaking with bouts of nervous trembling.

- Forgive me. I will delete my account tomorrow. I do not need these acquaintances, all this is not serious. It's just… it's a game. I just wanted someone to admire me, be interested ...

“Am I not interested in you? Lena felt her cheeks burn.

- Baby, let's sleep. It's already late. We'll talk tomorrow.

So, I will share all this with myself and with other people, - thought Lena, - but forever, yes, I know, forever there will be sadness that is not with you ...

Dawn dawned outside. She listened to the even breathing of the sleeping girl.

It's strange that I don't cry. I'll probably cry later. She clearly realized that this was the beginning. The beginning of their end.

At what age did you realize you were a lesbian? Was it hard to accept that you are not like most of your peers?

At 14-15 years old, at the age of awareness of self-consciousness. I wouldn't call it difficult or easy, it's an experience that's a bit strange in that you realize you're not like everyone else. Not in a bad and not in a good way, everyone is like that, but you are somehow different.

Did your classmates make fun of you? Humiliated? If so, what helped you survive and how did it affect your character and attitude towards people.

I did not have outright ridicule or humiliation based on my position in the class, if we are now talking about the school period. There were omissions and unnecessary conflicts that appeared on the basis of my sexual orientation. For example, offended my girlfriend. How did you survive it? Helped with self-confidence. Unlike many other people, I quickly got an inner understanding that I was not defective and not bad. All these omissions and whispering only strengthened my character even more.

How did your mother react to your love for girls? Tell me about your coming out.

In my youth, I had to pass off my boy friends as guys, I even bought gifts for myself. She was worried that her relatives would not understand, and that she would lose the love of her relatives - this is a serious test in life. Unfortunately, this often happens with LGBT activists. At the age of 15, I decided that I would tell my mother about myself when I fell in love for real. This happened after 20 years. I called, said that I fell in love, she asked his name, and I replied that it was not him, but she. At first, my mother was worried about my future. But now she is completely on my side. In a wonderful relationship with my beloved girlfriend, they often discuss me and even complain to each other. I am very glad that they have a trusting and honest relationship. It makes me happy and incredibly supportive. My relationship with my mother also supports other LGBT activists. There are only a few people like me and my mom. My coming out is the exception, not the rule. I was very lucky.

Why did it become necessary to create a community center in the northern part of Russia? What are the main problems faced by activists in the regions?

About work and why I hide my face in all interviews. This is a security issue. I had cases when they wrote to me on social networks, they came home, they threatened me, and all because somewhere I was in a photo with a signed surname on the LGBT theme. Creating an organization in the region is an opportunity to provide legal and psychological assistance, support to activists on the spot. The community has two problems. The first is fear. In our city, at one time there was a group called "Occupy Pedophilia", when they caught people who had nothing to do with the topic of pedophilia, intimidated, mocked and even raped them. And the second problem is confusion. Today, new laws are being passed regarding LGBT communities and activists. It's scary when you are singled out in a separate group and driven into the enemy against the whole society.

-Why did you create a community center in Siberia? Do activists have problems that are relevant for all regions?

If we talk about attitudes, then in Moscow and St. Petersburg there is one attitude, but in the regions everything is different. On the one hand, people in the regions do not know much about LGBT people, and on the other hand, we have all sorts of anti-fascist groups and Orthodox activists working here. Which, unfortunately, use the image of LGBT as an image of the enemy and call for violence.

-Today being LGBT activists is a youth trend, a fashion?

This question makes me doubt. What does fashion and LGBT have to do with it. Such people do not come to us. It's weird to be trendy and get fired from your job. It's weird to be trendy and get punched in the face walking arm in arm with your girlfriend. It is strange to be fashionable and afraid of such fashion at the same time.

How do you want to be treated by heterosexuals?

It's hard to say, "You're heterosexual, so treat me this way and that way." I would just NOT want a "special" relationship. Treat me like any other person. Many believe that gays and lesbians need SEPARATE rights. No way. What for? The usual equal attitude: respect for the individual, for personal life, for family rights, labor, without any distinctions.

- Is there something in heterosexual couples that you kindly envy?

Feeling safe. A guy and a girl can walk along the embankment by the hand, but I can’t with my beloved, because sidelong glances and insults will begin. I do not support the passionate kissing of men and women in public places, as well as similar actions by LGBT activists. We are talking about a simple walk by the hand or by the hand.

-Are you in a couple now? What is the most important thing in your relationship? How do you see your future?

Yes, I'm in a great relationship now, for five years now. As in any other couple, the most important thing for us is love. The second half of a person is not just a husband / wife, companion, friend. This is the witness of your life, who loves you, respects, supports, goes through all the difficulties and joys with you. I see our future strong, stable, filled with love.

- One of the key issues for LGBT couples is children. How do you see the continuation of your kind?

Of course, I really want children and my girlfriend too. We will definitely give birth, today it is possible with the help of IVF. And I know for sure that I will love my child for who he is.

- The main value of the family is ...

Love. For me, this feeling contains a lot: interest, trust, care. This is the main value of the family and the main value of our life.

What in life are you really afraid of not doing and afraid of losing?

Very good and interesting question. He made me think. I believe that my family, my parents, they will always be with me, in my soul and in my heart. But I'm afraid to lose my enthusiasm and endless optimism. This is always with me, and in the most difficult situations, these family character traits help a lot. I hope this stays with me forever.

It was one of those rare interviews, after which there was no residue “something is not right here, something is not clean here, something was not told to me.” I don't want to dig further and find out. Actually, what is there to find out? There is a man, a girl. Beautiful, bright, smart, educated, wise beyond her years. Confident, honest and straightforward in answering questions. He enjoys talking about his work and life. Madly in love with her Siberian city, considers it the best place on earth. He talks about the people he loves with incredible warmth.

Why is he hiding his face? Fears. What? Lose your bright, rich and happy life, because someone does not understand the love of a woman for a woman. Sincere, pure, with all its stages. I can honestly say I don't understand either. Exactly the same as I do not understand artists who paint pictures and composers who create music. One thing I know for sure, she has the right to live as she wants and love who she wants. And I have no right to judge or condemn. I rejoice for a MAN who is happy. And you?

the whole top

The minefield of growing up: a review of the film "Monkeys"

In Sweden there is a delicacy called surströmming. Due to the specific taste, smell and method of preparation, this dish is considered a delicacy, mainly in the homeland. Some gourmets eat this sour canned herring straight from the can with milk. So this is a Swedish movie. "Monkeys" Lisa Ashan is a surstromming from cinema. In order to be imbued with them and understand where he got any awards from at all, you need to be either a Swede or a complete movie gourmet. Arthouse movie teenage girls have never had an easy life. Their life, by definition, is full of problems and internal contradictions. There is no understanding around, and the only way to survive is to love each other. Well, or hate. Emma(Matilda Paradiser), at first glance, is simply shy, but in fact, such behavior is the result of strict self-control. What does she have? A father with an eternally lean face, a little sister who needs attention and care, and the goal is to break into the voltage competition. Naturally, an ambitious blonde with a scythe spends all her strength on achieving this goal. Cassandra(Linda Molin) looks like an absolute leader, confidently copes with both horses and guys. And the appearance of a sort of overripe Swedish Lolita is in her favor: she is already too good to give all of herself to some serious goal. She just needs something more pleasant, for example, Emma. However, the tender feelings that quickly arise between the girls change everything. in love Cassandra becomes driven Emma, which still dreams of flaunting in leggings on a horse, begins to dominate. Shyness Emma before our eyes turns into fierce egocentrism, and plump-lipped Cassandra sags and begins to suffer. In principle, both actresses coped well with these metamorphoses, and this is perhaps the only "not bad" in their storyline. Movie Counterpoint - Baby Sarah(Isabella Lindqvist), younger sister Emma, who tries to seduce an adult guy, having a very limited understanding of the art of seduction. The young actress very seriously depicted how her character grows up - as if with bewilderment, taking the rules of the game too literally. Kvely dad clearly let the maturation of both daughters take their course, preferred to pay more attention to their socialization. With this actor, it is not at all clear whether he is playing or just overeat and suffers from surströmming ... A lot of time the director-debutant Liza goes around and around. It is immediately clear that the film is not about lesbian love, but you still have to listen to frozen dialogues for a long time and look at intimate teenage games with male underwear and a nasty jellyfish. At the same time, the tumbleweed and the gun, which suddenly appeared in the frame, seem to hint at a Western. As well as the main musical theme, which really breaks the tense atmosphere of the film (but only at the beginning and at the very end). Cheerful a la cowboy composition contrasts sharply and not very appropriately with the general, very dull background. By how slowly the fire of narration flares up, how the pretty little face stiffens Emma, it would be possible to judge some kind of explosive or at least unexpected denouement. Perhaps there are some special Swedish devils in this quiet Swedish whirlpool? Or maybe the gun will fire? But no. Instead of a gun "shoot" pitchfork, and then, as they say, into milk. In this minefield of growing up, not a single mine goes off. "Monkeys" is a quiveringly cool microscopic examination of the complex inner world of maturing Swedish girls (with, most likely, temporary lesbian inclinations). Very strongly psychological and almost not a drama at all. ...

Look what we have. Part six. melodramas

There is very little left before the summer, and it's time to move on to the story of films dedicated to love: there will be an abundance of them this year. Recall that we have already told about new social dramas, horror films, comedies, cartoons and blockbusters. Melodrama is a genre so venerable that little is left of it. Now the viewer will not be shown The Umbrellas of Cherbourg or Breakfast at Tiffany's - and in fact, at one time, it was in the melodrama that the cinema was as close as possible to the theater stage. After all, a love story can be told without special effects. Now not a word in simplicity. Titanic, where melodrama was inscribed in the logic of a disaster film, and Avatar, where fantastic landscapes became its background, changed the audience's idea of how exactly to talk about that one feeling, the captives and hostages of which we all are periodically. As a response to this logic in the cinema, however, the most simple love stories have returned. They will be in our review. The most mystical A subtle and well-crafted psychological drama "Cafe de Flor" Canadian director Jean-Marc Valli returns the viewer to the great history of Paris in the late 60s (about it, or rather about the love of the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre and students Simone Beauvoir, says the tape " Lovers Café de Flor", and the coincidence of the scene should alert lovers of simplicity - we are talking about the famous Parisian coffee, chosen by the bohemia). The viewer is waiting for two love lines at once, one of which is quite modern: a successful DJ will find a new love in order to destroy the old one. The other will tell about a single mother (played by Vanessa Paradis) and her strange relationship with her son. In general, already 5 May riddles await us. Not detective, but quite vital, because life is the main secret. most immoral Another beautiful French lady Juliette Binoche, plays in the picture "Revelations", and this film (released in Russia May 17) it would be nice to see our moral viewers who condemn prostitution, homosexuals and so on, while they themselves quietly walk around prostitutes and bathe topless in fountains, arranging acts of spontaneous homoeroticism. The main character of the film, a journalist Anna talking with students Alicia And Charlotte, moonlighting as call girls, suddenly discovers in himself a forgotten ability to love, a forgotten passion, a forgotten femininity. It turns out that we mainly need public morality in order to destroy forever in a person all that human that still accidentally remains in him. It turns out that harlots can be more moral than any saints. Most feminine 5'th of July a picture comes out on Russian screens "Monkeys", which at first glance, is dedicated to the forbidden love of two girls studying together at a riding school. Emma And Cassandra they don’t just love each other, and the point is not that it seems “impossible” to do so, but that they are trying each other for strength. Any relationship is a story not only about feeling, but also about power, about the boundary beyond which the relationship of two people develops into a story about dominance. This model situation for almost any family (moreover, in Russia the model is so cunningly arranged that a man who, as it were, should be the “head of the family”, does not know how, does not want to and knows how to be like him - women will not let you lie) wins back in The film is brilliant and solved very unexpectedly. So if we ignore the lesbian theme, you can find a lot of interesting things in the feed. The most St. Petersburg Avdotya Smirnova- a great specialist in love triangles, and her picture with a strange name "Cococo" (this is baroque and rococo in fact, nothing complicated) is about this. How Vika, a stupid and ugly metropolitan young lady, a kind of average pygalitsa, ready to become a chicken, and Liza, a middle-level researcher from St. Petersburg, a woman who has forgotten to think about herself, is very peculiar and does not understand anything in men, meet to first learn everything they know from each other, and then enter into an uncompromising struggle for happiness. June 14 It will be possible to find out how this fight will end. We are rooting for Lisa, certainly. The heaviest The theme of love, which is very difficult to find a place in a world that lives by false rules, will be continued this year by a film by a wonderful director Todd Solondza "A dark horse " leaving August 2. The protagonist, a 30-year-old cautious and very unhappy man with mental retardation, is trying to build a relationship with a woman who suffers from the same disease. Both of them are clearly aware that if they fail, there will be no second chance. Nobody needs both of them, both are afraid and both rush into this pool. Love can be like this, and it is still not known what is better - to love like this or not to love at all. Simplest It is worth completing the review, perhaps, with the main domestic premiere of the second half of the year, the film "SpiritLess. End of glamour" based on the novel of the same name Sergei Minaev. While Europe comprehends the boundaries of love between girls, autists and French philosophers, Russia still tells its audience about a fashionable guy who drives an expensive car and hangs out in nightclubs, and then, as you know, a girl suddenly appears who changes everything forever. Love turns out to be the only key to the closed caste system of domestic society - it is precisely this clearly erroneous judgment that the forthcoming book will teach us. October 4 Tribeca Donor Unknown, directed by Jerry Rothwell, about a woman who is trying to find her biological father, was named the best film. Tribeca takes place in New York every year since 2002. The festival closes on May 1.