Every day, a continuous negative of various scales penetrates into our lives. The media obligingly report who killed, robbed, and shot down whom. Constantly various sources of information bring to our attention information about new cataclysms, political turmoil. And the positive, in comparison with the amount of negative news, is negligible. It seems that there is absolutely no good and good in the world. Unfortunately, this flow has “littered” the heads so much that today no one even thinks why people are so cruel? How to change it? And is modern humanity really so soulless?
Main reasons
Why are there so many cruel people? The answer to this question should be sought in the causes of aggression. It should be noted that the manifestation of cruelty is quite many-sided. However, it is not difficult to recognize her. A person who hurts another by making him suffer, whether morally or physically, who is fully aware of this and seeks to cause harm, is cruel.
historical brutality
The older generation likes to wonder - why did so many cruel people appear? Everyone was better before. Listening to their complaints, you involuntarily agree. One has only to open a newspaper or watch the news.
People used to be kinder. Worth thinking about. And before - when? Thousands of years ago, when cannibalism flourished? Well, these people can be by and large even somehow justified. They were primitive. And they did not know at all about the humane attitude towards their neighbor. Or maybe those who lived in the era of the Inquisition were kinder? Or during the reign of Stalin? Many people were imprisoned thanks to denunciations. How many such "good people" sincerely tried to give their neighbor a "gift"!
Why does it feel like there are so many cruel people today? Of course, the media did their bit. In an era of democracy, they pay more attention to manifestations of cruelty. It should be noted that the level of humanity in humanity has also increased, which is why aggression is so striking.
Relations with relatives
All people tend to show cruelty. For some this happens very rarely. Others often show aggression. At the same time, anyone can commit a cruel act, and quite often such outbursts occur in really kind people. Unfortunately, all the negativity spills out on the closest relatives and friends. For those who are truly loved and very dear. Why are people so cruel? What makes them "tear off" anger at their relatives, and restrain outbursts of anger with others? Why is it impossible to control your behavior when communicating with loved ones?
Yes, because relatives are not going anywhere. Communicating with strangers, a person restrains himself. There are many reasons: both the desire to win over the interlocutor, and the fear of losing an interesting friend. In the case of the boss, intemperance can threaten with dismissal. But when you get into the circle of relatives, especially in a bad mood, even one word can infuriate a person. That's when the scandal erupted out of nowhere. Of course, this is fundamentally wrong, but the accumulated negative needs to be discharged. That is why it pours out on the closest relatives and friends. They, even if they are strongly offended and quarreled with them, love so much that they will forgive them anyway.
root of evil
The feeling of anger is given by nature. It is necessary in order to mobilize all forces for the struggle at dangerous moments. But how it will be used by a person depends on the moral standards instilled in childhood. If parents show aggression towards a child, it will definitely come back to haunt. Relationships between children and fathers, based on fear, are likely to be adopted by a teenager in communication with peers. It is in the family that one should look for the root of evil. Such upbringing clearly explains why people become cruel.
Although in this situation, the child may develop another model of behavior: he decides that he is bad and is to blame for everything. Such a teenager becomes a victim of peer abuse. Often he does not even look for methods of protection, believing that he deserved this.
Sometimes the cause of aggression may not be violence at all, but overprotection. This method of education puts a sense of permissiveness into the subconscious of the child. A teenager considers himself the most important and demands unquestioning obedience. Unfortunately, a person who has not been taught by his parents to respect others will not gain this wisdom anywhere else. He will not even notice how he humiliates.
Instability in society
An indirect cause of cruelty is the growing anxiety. Social inequality, instability give rise to a feeling of discomfort. From TV screens, people see cruelty again. A person whose psyche is formed is able to distinguish the grain from the husk, he will not accept aggression as a call to action. The child will absorb, like a sponge, on-screen scenes of violence. And he can perceive all this as a kind of school of life. It is important to realize how much such television hurts the child's psyche, and the answer to the question: "Why did people become cruel?" will be received instantly.
Feeling rejected
It is especially developed in adolescence. However, many adults carry these feelings into adulthood. Quite often, one can observe a picture when a baby exclaims loudly on the street and points a finger at a person with a different skin color or a physical handicap.
Adults react very differently. On a subconscious level, they experience a sense of danger. This is where the desire to self-destruct comes in. But for some it manifests itself in cruelty and violence. It is this feeling that sometimes makes teenagers mock peers who are different from them. Why are people so cruel? Again, the instilled skills of tolerance and respect in the family will not allow a teenager or an adult to behave this way.
How to defend the victim
Psychologists say that in a team it is quite easy to determine which people are cruel and who are the “lamb”. Therefore, the victim of aggression is advised to identify the following signs:
- diffidence;
- full acceptance of the opinion that trouble is deserved.
You should start with the awareness of your "I". Every person has a number of advantages and disadvantages. He is what he is. And no one has the right to offend him. Only by fully accepting this truth can one move further along the path of raising self-esteem, developing a sense of success. Parents can help the child in this realization. For an adult, since the behavior model has taken root, it is better to use the help of a professional psychologist.
As a rule, a hobby for some new business helps a lot. You can even enroll in a martial arts class.
It is very important to think over the reaction to the offender. He will perceive you very differently if the answer is different from his expectations. In some cases, a sense of humor helps. Try not to succumb to irritation and direct a difficult conflict into the mainstream of a joke. At the same time, learn to perceive less acutely unpleasant situations.
How to deal with your own aggression?
The reasons described above give an idea of why kind people become cruel. But how to deal with such manifestations? What to do if you start to boil internally?
Perfectly cleanse from the negative physical activity. After all, sport teaches conscious control over your emotions and body. Psychologists often recommend mastering breathing exercises. It will allow you to control both the body and the spirit.
Find a safe outlet for the accumulated negativity. Throw out your emotions with a cry. Just not for relatives and not for a colleague. Shout where you need it. For example, become an ardent football fan or attend rock concerts.
By the way, psychologists recommend this technique: stand near the railway in the evening. When the train passes, yell at the top of your lungs, as loud as you can. The noise of the wheels will drown out any sound. No one will hear you, and the body will receive the necessary discharge.
Conclusion
Remember that only you can deal with the feeling of cruelty that arises inside you. And this is completely within your power. If you want to find the answer to the question "why are people so cruel", start with yourself. Analyze your behavior. Get rid of the toxic feeling, because sooner or later it threatens to turn into a severe depression.
I
hate school! I wake up every day and try to find some
an excuse not to go there. I spend most of the year on sick leave,
I constantly catch a cold, it seems to me, because I hate so much
school.
And it's all about my classmates. It all started two years ago
back when I transferred to a specialized English school. If
if my mother only knew!.. And then it began: on the first of September I came
on the ruler, and the first boy from my class who saw me,
shouted: "Look, there's a bespectacled elephant coming!" I even
I didn't realize right away that he was talking about me. I used to have special problems
I didn’t, I knew, of course, that I wouldn’t be a fashion model, but
I've never been particularly worried about my weight. And then immediately
I felt so ugly! I almost cried, but I held it in.
The girls in the class did not accept me either, they talked to me
only one girl Katya. And the boys already started in the first lesson
throwing paper balls at me and calling me names. Well
did I do this to them? Then the teacher called me to the blackboard and called me
me by my last name, but my name is not very sonorous, to put it mildly: Kolbasnikova.
What started here, everyone was just dying of laughter! And right behind me
the nickname Fat Sausage stuck.
I tried to talk to the class teacher.
But she said I'm already a big girl to complain. My
my mother also thinks so, and the main thing for her is that she arranged for me
to a prestigious school and that I will get a good education. How can I
get it when I sit in class and am afraid that they will call me to the board,
and everyone will start shouting: "Fat Sausage to the board!" Study
I've become much worse than in my old school, I just don't care,
What grade will I get? I mark every day on the calendar, I wait,
when Saturday comes and you don't have to go to school and hear again
all those cruel words.
And recently I discovered that I got even stronger.
Probably due to the fact that I come home angry and tired - I open
refrigerator and eat, for example, as many as three meatballs. Or chocolate.
And I can’t stop, I eat everything I find. Mom has already become
hide food from me! And at school they started teasing me even more,
and even the teachers won't stand up for me.
I do not know what to do. Until the end of school left
two whole years, how can I survive them? I don't even have anyone to talk to
heart to heart, we don’t see friends from the old school, mom doesn’t want
nothing to hear about my problems in class. If I do finish
school, I will definitely become a psychologist. And I will help the same
girls who are bullied and called names. But while I'm dreading Monday,
because I know that I have to go to school again...
Ksenia".
Psychologist Olga Ilyina comments on the situation:
How much, Oksana, I need to tell you. And all in the first
queue. Therefore, reading in order, know: EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT.
DEFINITELY show this article to your mom to find out what
it is really important for her: the prestige of the school and the fact that her daughter is there
studies, or your psychological comfort and NORMAL SELF-ESTIMATION.
I hope that mom still cares about you. Just apparently
she didn't have time to STOP and REALIZE that you really
Badly. That even the best school can't be good for you
if for two years not only students, but also teachers DO NOT SEE
OR brush off your problem. (By the way, information for your
moms: if there is a person in the class who is destined for the role of a goat
absolution, then this speaks of a great pedagogical (!) trouble.)
In this case, it is best to transfer you to another (better
old, if there were friends) school. And you can learn everywhere
wish.
I did not just call you by a different name, try
and you call yourself something else. After all, Xenia means "alien".
But Oksana is a completely different song. Open any book, especially
Ukrainian: whatever Oksana, then kindness and become. But becoming is not
only beauty, but also relief forms.
Hence the following: do gymnastics. You need to develop
flexibility. And also, if possible, go to oriental dances
or belly dance. In this case, you will not only feel good
your body, but you will also improve the work of the gastrointestinal tract, and it became
Your metabolism will speed up and you will gradually lose weight.
In the meantime, the court and the case, imagine that you are transparent
a glass, and all the nasty things that are addressed to Xenia pass by, like
through the glass without touching you: after all, you are not only transparent, but
and they do not address you: you have a different name.
And let mom not forget that the school needs to be changed: it is important
not only get a secondary education, but also feel
capable of more.
And the last thing: work on your body not to spite the enemies,
but for my beloved. Improve yourself. You have something to strive for.
Feeling angry familiar to every person.
This condition is explained not only from a psychological, but also from a medical point of view.
What is it: definition of the concept
Anger- This is a negative emotional reaction, in which an extreme degree of discontent and irritation is felt.
It is caused by specific circumstances, the actions of other people, their own mistakes.
Often this feeling occurs for no apparent reason because of internal contradictions tearing apart the personality.
Anger is an exclusively negative, destructive phenomenon. It negatively affects not only the emotional state of the person experiencing it, but also his relationship with others.
The more people in society who demonstrate discontent and irritation, the more negative the mood of all its members as a whole.
The same thing happens in a small group: one disgruntled person can ruin the mood of everyone else.
Psychology of the emergence of feelings
When a person becomes angry, special neurons located in the hypothalamus are activated. Anger performs the role of a defense mechanism. By the appearance of this feeling, we can judge the presence of a problem that is present at a given time.
Often people engage in self-deception and ignore the negative reactions that arise in their minds.
As a result, the unpleasant feeling is suppressed, but does not disappear.
It stays deep inside and weakens the internal resources of the individual.
For this reason, it is so important to objectively assess such an emotional state, try to find a rational explanation for it and take measures to resolve the situation.
Anger arises for several reasons:
Anger can be short term or long term. In the first case, the experienced is reflected in the action being performed, the phrase spoken, etc.
As soon as a person releases the thoughts that torment him, he immediately returns to his normal state.
long-term anger accumulates over a long period of time. Such prolonged emotion can negatively affect the personality, lifestyle and relationships with others.
This feeling not always destructive.
In certain situations, it can be a powerful incentive to make important changes in your life.
The most productive anger at oneself.
Not all people are able to recognize the fact that all the events that happen to them are the result of their own thoughts and actions.
The ability to objectively assess your shortcomings helps you learn to control your life and. Exactly anger becomes a powerful force, thanks to which a person completely changes the reality surrounding him.
Medical factors
In a state of stress, irritation, anger in people, the level of norepinephrine.
This hormone of the adrenal medulla, which is in many ways similar in its characteristics to adrenaline.
During negative emotional reactions due to an increase in the level of norepinephrine in the blood there is an increase in heart rate, an increase in blood pressure, and blood supply to the muscles increases.
If you pay attention to an angry person, you can notice the redness of his face, muscle tension, and a change in facial expressions.
In a state of strong excitement, a person begins to speak loudly, his nostrils swell, his breathing quickens.
All these outward manifestations of experienced discontent are the result of an increase in the level of norepinephrine in the blood. It is for this reason that it is so important not to keep feelings in yourself, but to give them an outlet. This allows reduce the negative impact on the body.
Causes of malice
Anger arises for various reasons. Depending on the gender and age of the person, these reasons may differ.
Society
Why do people become so evil and cruel? Modern society at the same time makes a lot of demands and provides many temptations.
In the pursuit of material wealth, people often do not notice how they constantly experience a feeling of dissatisfaction. They don't like their job, income, apartment, car, family, etc.
The desire to live up to the imposed ideals and the constant hustle and bustle of life plunge people into a state of exhaustion, chronic fatigue. All this leads to the fact that the slightest external stimuli become the cause of anger.
People swear in public transport because of the closeness and closeness, quarrel with neighbors because of the noise in the apartment, share parking spaces in the yard, envy more successful colleagues, etc.
There are not many real reasons why you should really be angry for the average person.
If you learn is at peace with himself and with those around him, then you can minimize the frequency of occurrence of this destructive emotion.
Important appreciate small pleasures, take care of loved ones, get out into nature more often, communicate with animals, etc. The kinder a person is, the more favorable the atmosphere around him is. Evil people, as a rule, see in all the surrounding phenomena and events one negative.
Among women
Why did I become evil?
An aggressive woman is not only not happy herself, but also makes her loved ones unhappy: her husband, children.
Main reasons, according to which the girl becomes vicious:
Irritability during pregnancy
changes during pregnancy progesterone and estrogen levels in a woman's blood. This leads to the appearance of anxiety, irritability, sharp.
Women in position become vulnerable, impressionable and at the same time. Often they are not able to control their own behavior.
In addition to hormonal changes, significant physiological changes occur in the body: weight gain, swelling, nausea, fatigue, drowsiness, etc. All this also negatively affects the emotional state of the expectant mother.
Of great importance is the forced need to lead a normal life for a certain period of time.
Pregnant women should perform professional duties, do housework, take care of their husband regardless of their health and psychological state.
In the later stages, the inability to perform elementary actions without outside help (tying shoelaces, climbing into the shower, climbing stairs) often becomes an additional cause of irritation.
In men
Men are less emotional than women. Reasons why they usually feel angry:
- unsatisfied need (for food, sex, care, money, material goods, etc.);
- lack of recognition (from the beloved woman, colleagues, family);
- illness with resulting poor health;
- troubles (personal, professional, material);
- envy;
- loneliness.
Anger in children and adolescents
Teenage aggression, as a rule, manifests itself more clearly. This is due to the immaturity of the psyche, the inability to control their behavior, the desire to attract attention.
It is important for parents and professionals recognize the child's problems early and take appropriate action. The main causes of children's anger:
Thus, anger is destructive feeling with which it is necessary to be able to fight at any age.
A suppressed negative reaction can cause serious harm to the human body.
Why are people evil? Learn about it from the video:
Throughout our lives, we have at least once met a person who, in our opinion, was cruel, angry and decidedly disgusting to us.
If your past is anything like the past of other people, you were most likely teased, gossiped about, shouted at, humiliated, cornered, intimidated and unfairly punished - and your reaction was probably this: “ FOR WHAT?"
Why are people angry with each other? Why do some people even enjoy being bitchy and venomous? You, like most people, will answer something along the lines of "...because they are bad people", "...because they are psychopaths / sociopaths", "...they are evil", "...well, that's how they are, what can you do!"
Yes, such answers are quite normal and common, however, this view of things is very narrow. These answers are naive, and it's time to better understand why "bad people are bad."
Why do we like to be offended?
You are talking to someone, you said something frankly offensive, and your interlocutor is offended by you. He rises threateningly and says, “You know, I found out something about you. You are a real bastard and you don't care about anyone but yourself. No wonder you have almost no friends." And then it is quickly washed off.
What is your reaction?
Full of righteous anger, you can jump up and start refuting all attacks by striking back. Well, or you will continue to sit, thinking about what you said, while sadness-longing will slowly devour you. “How could he do this to me?”, “What the hell have I done?”. You can continue to cook in your hatred, cursing everything around.
These two reactions are quite common, I myself have behaved in a similar way in the past. Responding to another person's anger breaks our peace of mind... but you know what I'll tell you? We like to be outraged. We like to be drunk with anger.
When we feel unfairly offended, we immediately reward ourselves with the title of “victim”, and not only, we also experience a sense of our own superiority. How often in the past have you been angry at a "disgusting person" with the firm belief that "I'm a lot better." I think often. But don't worry, it's normal. We all do it.
The fact is that anger is like a drug, and not only because it gives us a false feeling that we are allegedly better, more beautiful, more correct, more just. In addition to this, it creates the illusion of a distinction between us and the world (in other words, it strengthens our ego). Because of this, we cannot see through the veil of misbehavior - because of our unwillingness to get rid of anger.
Once we are fully prepared to let go of our anger and all its charms, we can truly understand why people are so bad. This realization will be of infinite benefit to you.
How to tear off the mask of mock cruelty?
When we blame bad and cruel people for all mortal sins, we deprive them of all human qualities. Yes, you will say that there are psychopaths and sociopaths who have no empathy and no remorse at all. But these people (who by the way make up a very low percentage of the population) are not robots either. In fact, they also suffer from feelings of loneliness, resentment, disappointment, depression, and this explains a lot. Psychopaths can even show empathy when they want to.
I am convinced that not all "bad" people we meet are necessarily psychopaths or sociopaths, in fact they are deeply hurt. And we don't have time to sort out their feelings, because they are disgusting to us (and because, let's face it, we ourselves have been deeply hurt).
We spew out excuses like “So what? We are all sufferers, but this is no excuse at all, ”and in this way we strengthen our confidence in our rightness and continue to torment ourselves.
However, if you are willing to take responsibility for yourself, your life, and your happiness, there is one thing you need to remember:
All cruel, evil, rude people are just like that, because they hurt.
If you want to look behind the veil of this ostentatious cruelty, you need to understand "what hurts." You may have to dig into his past, talk with friends, colleagues to find out why he behaves this way. Well, or just guess.
No matter which approach you take, you are bound to learn something surprising: their behavior is driven by pain.
Perhaps it's family quarrels, problems at work, breakup or divorce, tragedy or something more vague like depression, fear of failure, fear of rejection, low self-esteem, experiences when a person cannot cope with this pain, he directs it on others. And thus the pain is equalized, multiplying.
But it is in your power to interrupt this circle of pain and prevent it from interfering with your thoughts, feelings, life. The most important thing is to learn to see all these mechanisms in your own head and, as a result, to truly understand a person.
The next time someone treats you badly, take your time. Feel all the negative emotions and then let them go. Ask yourself, “What pain is this person experiencing that makes them do this?” Then open yourself to forgiveness and understanding, because all the mental patterns that led to such behavior on his part are or were in you. And the only reason why you can not have them is either a perfect childhood and adulthood or
Once a day, a continuous negative of various scales seeps into our lives. The media obligingly report who killed, robbed, and shot down whom. Constantly different sources of information bring to our attention information about new cataclysms, political turmoil. And the positive, in comparison with the amount of negative news, is negligible. A memory is created that there is no good and good in the world at all. Unfortunately, this stream has “littered” the heads so much that now no one even thinks why people are so merciless? How to change it? And is the modern population of the earth really so soulless?
Main prerequisites
Why are there so many violent people? The answer to this question should be found in the causes of anger. It should be seen that the manifestation of ruthlessness is quite many-sided. With all this, it is easy to recognize her. A person who hurts another, forcing them to suffer, not fundamentally, morally or on a physical level, who is 100% aware of this and seeks to cause harm - is cruel.
Psychologists identify three reasons why people are violent:
- Dissatisfaction with life. Persons who are dissatisfied with their own fate are quite often subjected to stress and depression. These emotions overwhelm their soul so much that at any moment they are ready to break free. That is why all the negativity is often splashed out by mothers on children. Some people, under the influence of anger, break tree branches, beat animals. This spiritual state is quite unsafe, as it threatens the owner with the appearance of neuroses, psychological disorders. In addition to all this, the constant negativity seriously shortens life expectancy, leads to the development of heart disease or skin dilemmas.
- Indifference. Very often, it specifically gives rise to unjustified ruthlessness. Some people do not even try to realize how much pain their actions can cause, and sometimes words. They don't think how much they can hurt another. With all this, the object of their ruthlessness becomes a weak creature that cannot show emotions and explain how much pain they caused him.
- Suppressed emotions. From time to time, a person shows anger "on the side." Such behavior is characteristic of those who in daily life are obliged to constantly hide and suppress desires, emotions, impulses. In most cases, such ruthlessness is characteristic of grown children (especially boys) who grew up in a family of authoritarian parents. Employees who are obliged to unconditionally follow the orders of the boss, not being able to reveal their will, in certain conditions can show very cruel cruelty.
Historical ruthlessness
The older generation likes to be surprised - why so many violent people appeared? Everyone was better before. Listening to their complaints, you involuntarily agree. One has only to open a newspaper or look at the announcements.
Earlier people were kinder. Worth thinking about. And before - when? Thousands of years ago, when cannibalism flourished? Well, these people can actually be justified somehow. They were primitive. And they did not know at all about the humane attitude towards their neighbor. Or maybe those who were in the era of the Inquisition were kinder? Or during the reign of Stalin? A huge number of people sat in jails thanks to denunciations. How many such "good-natured people" wholeheartedly tried to give their neighbor a "gift"!
Why, then, does the feeling arise that there are so many hardened people now? Naturally, the media brought their mite. In the era of democracy, they pay more attention to manifestations of ruthlessness. It must be emphasized that the level of humanity among the population of the earth has increased, because anger is so very visible.
Affairs with relatives
It is common for all people to show ruthlessness. For some this happens very rarely. Others often show anger. With all this, anyone can commit a violent act, and quite often such outbursts occur in really good people. Unfortunately, all the negativity spills out on the closest relatives and friends. On those who are really loved and very dear. Why are people so ruthless? What forces them to "tear off" anger at their relatives, and restrain outbursts of anger with those around them? Why is it not possible to keep your behavior under control in a conversation with loved ones?
Yes, because relatives will not go anywhere. Communicating with strangers, a person restrains himself. There are many circumstances: both the desire to win over the interlocutor for oneself, and the fear of losing a fascinating friend. In the case of the boss, intemperance can threaten dismissal. But when you get into the circle of relatives, especially in a bad mood, even one word can infuriate a person. It was then that the scandal flared up out of nowhere. Naturally, this is fundamentally incorrect, but the accumulated negativity requires detente. That is why it pours out on the closest relatives and friends. They, even if they hurt them very much and quarrel with them, adore them so much that they will forgive them anyway.
root of evil
The feeling of anger is given by nature. It is necessary in order to mobilize all forces for the struggle in unsafe moments. But how it will be applied by a person depends on the norms of morality instilled in childhood. If the ancestors show anger towards the child, it will certainly backfire. Relations between children and fathers, based on horror, are most likely to be adopted by the child in conversation with peers. It is in the family that the root of evil should be found. This kind of upbringing explains why people become hardened.
Although in this situation, the baby may develop another model of behavior: he decides that he is bad and will blame everything. Such a child becomes a victim of the fierce appeal of peers. Often he does not even look for ways to protect himself, believing that he deserves something similar.
From time to time, the cause of anger may not be violence at all, but overprotection. This way of upbringing introduces a sense of permissiveness into the subconscious of the baby. The child considers himself the most basic and asks for unconditional submission. Unfortunately, a person who has not been taught by his parents to respect others will not gain this wisdom anywhere else. He won't even see how he humiliates you.
Inconsistency in society
An indirect prerequisite for ruthlessness is growing anxiety. Social inequality, inconstancy give rise to a feeling of discomfort. From the TV screens, people see again the same ruthlessness. A person whose psyche is formed is able to distinguish the grain from the husk, he will not perceive anger as a call to action. The child will absorb, like a sponge, on-screen scenes of violence. And he can perceive all this as some kind of school of life. It is fundamental to understand how similar television hurts the child's psyche, and the answer to the question: “Why have people become bitter?” will be received immediately.
Feeling rejected
It is especially developed during adolescence. But many adults carry these feelings into adulthood. Quite often, you can follow the picture when the baby loudly exclaims on the street and points his finger at a person with a different skin color or with a physical defect.
Adults react completely differently. On a subconscious level, they feel threatened. This is where the desire to self-destruct comes in. But for some it manifests itself in ruthlessness and violence. It is this feeling that sometimes forces teenagers to mock peers who are different from them. Why are people so ruthless? Again, the instilled abilities of tolerance and respect in the family will not allow a child or an adult to behave this way.
How to defend the victim
Psychologists say that in a team it is quite easy to find which people are merciless and who are the “lamb”. Therefore, the victim of anger is recommended to be identified by the following signs:
- low self-esteem;
- self-doubt;
- full acceptance of the notion that problems are deserved.
You should start with understanding your own "I". Any person has a number of pluses and minuses. He is what he is. And no one has the right to offend him. Only by fully accepting this truth can one move further along the path of raising self-esteem, developing a sense of luck. Ancestors can help the child in this understanding. For an adult, since the behavior model has taken root, it is better to use the help of a professional psychologist.
Usually, a hobby for some new business helps a lot. You can even enroll in a martial arts class.
It is very important to think about the reaction to the offender. He will accept you completely differently if the answer is good from his expectations. In some cases, a sense of humor helps. Try not to succumb to irritation and bring a difficult conflict into the mainstream of a joke. With all this, learn to accept the least acutely objectionable situations.
How to deal with your anger?
The premises described above give an idea of why kind people become hardened. But how to deal with such manifestations? What to do if you start to boil internally?
Perfectly cleanse from the negative physical activity. After all, sport teaches conscious control over your feelings and body. Psychologists often advise to master breathing exercises. It will allow you to control both the body and the spirit.
Find a safe way out for the accumulated negativity. Release your emotions with a click. Just not for relatives and not for an employee. Shout where necessary. For example, become a specific football fan or attend rock concerts.
By the way, psychologists advise such a technique: to stand near the railway in the evening. When the train passes, yell at the top of your lungs, as loudly as you can. The noise of the wheels will drown out any sound. No one will hear you, but the body will receive the necessary discharge.
Conclusion
Remember that only you can cope with the feeling of ruthlessness that appears inside you. And this is quite within your power. If you want to find the answer to the question “why are people so merciless”, start with yourself. Analyze your behavior. Get rid of the toxic feeling, because at some point it threatens to grow into a severe depression.
People are cruel not because of passivity, but because they are unable to resist the order of a superior.
In the 60s and 70s, classic socio-psychological studies were carried out, which proved that even normal, decent people can carry out extremely cruel orders due to the so-called "instinct of blind obedience." But a new study, published in the journal PLOS Biology on Nov. 20, 2012, revisits the above findings. Professor Alexander Haslam and Stephen Reicher argue that the cause is not only the "instinct of blind obedience", but also a certain "enthusiasm".
In the 70s of the last century, Philip Zambardo conducted the so-called prison experiment, during which college students were conditionally divided into two groups. One group acted as prisoners, and the other as guards. The researchers found that the students quickly settled into their new roles, that the guards began to show extreme cruelty towards the prisoners, and that the latter were in a state of depression and hopelessness.
For ethical reasons, the experiment had to be interrupted. Based on the experiment, it was concluded that a person who is obliged to obey, executes orders (even if it contradicts his beliefs) of those who occupy a higher position, according to infuture.ru.
Professor Alexander Haslam from the University of Queensland argues that cruelty is not the result of blind obedience, that most often people rebuild their psyche, beginning to believe that this is the only right decision.
Alexander Haslam: “People show cruelty not because of passivity, not because they are unable to resist the order of a superior. We came to the conclusion that, having received an order, a person rebuilds his psyche, he begins to believe that this is the only correct decision.
The researchers conducted their own experiment, similar to the one conducted by Philip Zambardo. As a result, three conclusions were drawn.
It is impossible to impose any actions on a person, including cruel ones. Even in the case when a person is subordinate to the one from whom the order comes. The performer either independently makes a decision, or convinces himself of his fidelity.
People act according to their roles. They take on the role they are predisposed to or aspire to.
The boundaries of what is permitted must be established in the team. If the number of dissatisfied increases, then the rules can gradually change. If the rules are preserved, then these norms are acceptable to the majority.
The professor concludes that "tyranny" is not the result of the fact that people cannot resist the order, but because the majority believes in the correctness of the established norms and feels "psychologically stable" within these limits.
Relationships between people include different facets of communication. You can love each other, hate, be neutral, keep within the bounds of decency and give vent to your character (and it is often incredibly difficult, sometimes impossible, to resist). Among other things, there is cruelty.
Why does violence occur?
The word rudeness can become synonymous with cruelty. A cruel person rudely treats the interlocutor (out of malice or ignorance), not taking into account the thoughts and desires of the opponent, not thinking about his mental or physical pain. Conversion involves influence on all levels, from the moral to the physical. Even the malicious denial of a request for help is included in this list.
It is impossible to evaluate all cruelty as a categorically negative, negative phenomenon. When answering the question why people are cruel to each other, how to treat this, it is important to analyze What exactly was the aggression?
- Forced. For example, a girl who was attacked by a maniac in the park fights off the offender. In this case, her actions are justified, aimed at preventing a greater evil, therefore, such cruelty cannot be condemned. Even the law will justify the defender. In some cases, aggression can even be rewarded - if, for example, we are talking about wartime and the defenders of their land.
- Unreasonable. In this case, the reason for cruelty will be a weighty argument only for the aggressor, and sometimes not even realized. For example, a person can be angry with another, and he will release his anger, having broken because of a trifle on someone third, in relation to whom rudeness is completely unreasonable. Or the aggressor humiliates the opponent only for the sake of increasing his own self-esteem - this is also unjustified anger.
Important! The validity of aggression or its absence is determined in each specific case, depending on the details of the situation and the current cultural and historical situation.
Violent adults
Every person at least once experienced cruelty from two sides: both as an aggressor and as a victim. This is a natural emotional outburst, but only if it happens rarely. Those who often experience anger and a desire to make their neighbor feel bad are likely to have psychological problems, psychologists are sure.
To summarize, the causes of cruelty in adults can be the following:
- Problems with self-esteem.
- Violated ideas about morality, morality.
- Self-affirmation, a distorted attempt at self-preservation.
- Fears from childhood, which appeared due to the indifference or cruelty of parents, persisted into adulthood.
- Proof of one's own importance by humiliating, suppressing, killing others (this is sadism - a form bordering, sometimes coexisting with madness).
- Revenge.
- Covering personal complexes.
Adults often have abuse - this is also cruelty, humiliation, submission, suppression of a partner, when for some reason he is dependent on the abuser. Moreover, such violence can happen even in relation to a loved one. More often, men become such aggressors, however, women can also have a similar tendency.
cruel children
In the case of children, things are different. The division into justified aggression and not is preserved, but the list of reasons for the cruelty of a small person in the second case is already different.
The child grows and develops, looking at the closest people in his life, copying their behavior, accepting it as an absolute norm. This adult can question the fact, challenge it, develop his own point of view, but a child who is just learning to live is not capable of this. If cruelty has become the norm for him, most often it is in mom and dad. For example, if it is customary in a family to swear, insult, raise a hand against each other, then the child will perceive this state of affairs as natural.
Having seen from a deeply believing mother cruel corporal punishment for children's offenses, carried out in religious zeal "in the name of saving the child's soul", a small person is unlikely to grow up understanding and capable of forgiveness.
Even in a family where they profess peace, cruelty can be engendered in a child. Often this happens because of deception. Parents teach their child morality, and then, in front of their own eyes, for some reason, the boundaries set by themselves are transgressed. As a result, children develop resentment against the “deceivers”, they begin to get angry.
Even so, a child hungry for attention can break. In the presence of the Internet, he can easily find interest in his person in a dysfunctional company, this will entail cruelty too. However, overprotection and total control act similarly.
At 9-11 years old, the most important stage in the development of children passes - separation from parents as the most faithful example of life and the transfer of this title to society. It is important for a student to prove his place in the class, acquire a certain status, gradually become popular, this process can also be associated with aggression.
Attention! Children's cruelty is often manifested in relation to those who are weaker - animals. If we are talking about a crumb, then the reasons for the cruelty of a small person can be simple ignorance of the rules of treatment and a misunderstanding that the beast is also alive. Then the only way out is to explain what could have happened if the parents had not been on time. If a grown child does this, then this is either an attempt to vent anger, or that very statement in the team.
Are all people evil
Everyone is familiar with cruelty. But this does not mean that every person is evil. Cruelty is a natural emotion, which is aimed at self-preservation, defending one's boundaries. Why it is absolutely normal for people to be angry sometimes is because anger is a kind of psychological barrier that protects a person.
It is important to be able to build this defense correctly. “The freedom of each ends where the freedom of another begins,” this quote belongs to the philosopher M.A. Bakunin, and it perfectly reflects how cruelty should be treated. In a critical situation, it is permissible to defend your freedoms in this way, but in no case should you encroach on others. No less carefully should we study ways of peacefully resolving external and internal conflicts. To do this, get acquainted with educational literature (psychology of communication and conflictology), work out the theory received. Aggression should be reserved as a last resort.
Important! It is generally impossible to refuse cruelty, since as a result of this there will be a gradual suppression of the personality of the one who refuses.
Society is gradually gaining more and more freedom, because people have become more evil. However, this is not a reason to refuse a calm discussion of the problem. Moreover, the principles of mutual respect and peaceful conversations should be laid from early childhood.
How to change a cruel person
Friendship with an evil person will not please anyone. Anger is not a sentence, you can still work on it. For this, the following characteristics are important:
- Self confidence. Cruel people feel the weaker ones, and they more often than others become victims of their attacks. With a self-confident person, verbal abuse simply won't work - he knows that they are false.
- Ability to talk about a problem. For someone who is used to being angry, it may simply not be clear how it looks from the outside. You should talk with the aggressor, without pretensions, discuss the situation.
- adequate self-esteem. A soft, weak-willed person who is unable to adequately evaluate himself will always be a “whipping boy” for “energy vampires” (that is, for those who assert themselves by humiliating another).
It will not be superfluous to take care of yourself: learn self-defense techniques and carefully filter your environment. An envious, overly self-confident person who does not want to change anything in his life is not the best friend and interlocutor.
Important! In the case of abuse, no remedy will help, there is only one way out of such a relationship for the benefit of the victim - cessation of communication.
How to deal with cruelty yourself
If a person has become aware of cruelty in himself (by himself or through a conversation with a loved one), then the first thing he must understand is the problem that needs to be fought. You need to do it like this:
- Visit a specialist. In psychology, the science of mental processes, there is always a way to solve a problem. You just need to reach a psychologist and honestly discuss the situation with him.
- Work on your self-esteem. You may have to assess your capabilities soberly, maybe you will need to learn not to underestimate your merits.
- Develop empathy. It is easy to offend another without paying attention to his feelings. If this is done with the aggressor himself, most likely he will not like this experience. Therefore, it is important to study the technique “how will it be for a neighbor”: every word, action should be tried on for yourself, noting the reaction. The final indicator will be the developed ability to “feel” the emotions of another, this will help to cope with excessive anger.
The conclusion from the above can be one thing: cruelty is the real fire of personality. It must exist, be used for good, but for this it requires an attentive attitude towards oneself. Aggression left to chance can seriously spoil the life of both a cruel person and his environment.
Video
I
hate school! I wake up every day and try to find some
an excuse not to go there. I spend most of the year on sick leave,
I constantly catch a cold, it seems to me, because I hate so much
school.
And it's all about my classmates. It all started two years ago
back when I transferred to a specialized English school. If
if my mother only knew!.. And then it began: on the first of September I came
on the ruler, and the first boy from my class who saw me,
shouted: "Look, there's a bespectacled elephant coming!" I even
I didn't realize right away that he was talking about me. I used to have special problems
I didn’t, I knew, of course, that I wouldn’t be a fashion model, but
I've never been particularly worried about my weight. And then immediately
I felt so ugly! I almost cried, but I held it in.
The girls in the class did not accept me either, they talked to me
only one girl Katya. And the boys already started in the first lesson
throwing paper balls at me and calling me names. Well
did I do this to them? Then the teacher called me to the blackboard and called me
me by my last name, but my name is not very sonorous, to put it mildly: Kolbasnikova.
What started here, everyone was just dying of laughter! And right behind me
the nickname Fat Sausage stuck.
I tried to talk to the class teacher.
But she said I'm already a big girl to complain. My
my mother also thinks so, and the main thing for her is that she arranged for me
to a prestigious school and that I will get a good education. How can I
get it when I sit in class and am afraid that they will call me to the board,
and everyone will start shouting: "Fat Sausage to the board!" Study
I've become much worse than in my old school, I just don't care,
What grade will I get? I mark every day on the calendar, I wait,
when Saturday comes and you don't have to go to school and hear again
all those cruel words.
And recently I discovered that I got even stronger.
Probably due to the fact that I come home angry and tired - I open
refrigerator and eat, for example, as many as three meatballs. Or chocolate.
And I can’t stop, I eat everything I find. Mom has already become
hide food from me! And at school they started teasing me even more,
and even the teachers won't stand up for me.
I do not know what to do. Until the end of school left
two whole years, how can I survive them? I don't even have anyone to talk to
heart to heart, we don’t see friends from the old school, mom doesn’t want
nothing to hear about my problems in class. If I do finish
school, I will definitely become a psychologist. And I will help the same
girls who are bullied and called names. But while I'm dreading Monday,
because I know that I have to go to school again...
Ksenia".
Psychologist Olga Ilyina comments on the situation:
How much, Oksana, I need to tell you. And all in the first
queue. Therefore, reading in order, know: EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT.
DEFINITELY show this article to your mom to find out what
it is really important for her: the prestige of the school and the fact that her daughter is there
studies, or your psychological comfort and NORMAL SELF-ESTIMATION.
I hope that mom still cares about you. Just apparently
she didn't have time to STOP and REALIZE that you really
Badly. That even the best school can't be good for you
if for two years not only students, but also teachers DO NOT SEE
OR brush off your problem. (By the way, information for your
moms: if there is a person in the class who is destined for the role of a goat
absolution, then this speaks of a great pedagogical (!) trouble.)
In this case, it is best to transfer you to another (better
old, if there were friends) school. And you can learn everywhere
wish.
I did not just call you by a different name, try
and you call yourself something else. After all, Xenia means "alien".
But Oksana is a completely different song. Open any book, especially
Ukrainian: whatever Oksana, then kindness and become. But becoming is not
only beauty, but also relief forms.
Hence the following: do gymnastics. You need to develop
flexibility. And also, if possible, go to oriental dances
or belly dance. In this case, you will not only feel good
your body, but you will also improve the work of the gastrointestinal tract, and it became
Your metabolism will speed up and you will gradually lose weight.
In the meantime, the court and the case, imagine that you are transparent
a glass, and all the nasty things that are addressed to Xenia pass by, like
through the glass without touching you: after all, you are not only transparent, but
and they do not address you: you have a different name.
And let mom not forget that the school needs to be changed: it is important
not only get a secondary education, but also feel
capable of more.
And the last thing: work on your body not to spite the enemies,
but for my beloved. Improve yourself. You have something to strive for.
Main reasons
historical brutality
People used to be kinder. Worth thinking about. And before - when? Thousands of years ago, when cannibalism flourished? Well, these people can be by and large even somehow justified. They were primitive. And they did not know at all about the humane attitude towards their neighbor. Or maybe those who lived in the era of the Inquisition were kinder? Or during the reign of Stalin? Many people were imprisoned thanks to denunciations. How many such "good people" sincerely tried to give their neighbor a "gift"!
Relations with relatives
Yes, because relatives are not going anywhere. Communicating with strangers, a person restrains himself. There are many reasons: both the desire to win over the interlocutor, and the fear of losing an interesting friend. In the case of the boss, intemperance can threaten with dismissal. But when you get into the circle of relatives, especially in a bad mood, even one word can infuriate a person. That's when the scandal erupted out of nowhere. Of course, this is fundamentally wrong, but the accumulated negative needs to be discharged. That is why it pours out on the closest relatives and friends. They, even if they are strongly offended and quarreled with them, love so much that they will forgive them anyway.
root of evil
Instability in society
An indirect cause of cruelty is the growing anxiety. Social inequality, instability give rise to a feeling of discomfort. From TV screens, people see cruelty again. A person whose psyche is formed is able to distinguish the grain from the husk, he will not accept aggression as a call to action. The child will absorb, like a sponge, on-screen scenes of violence. And he can perceive all this as a kind of school of life. It is important to realize how much such television hurts the child's psyche, and the answer to the question: "Why did people become cruel?" will be received instantly.
Feeling rejected
How to defend the victim
- diffidence;
It is very important to think over the reaction to the offender. He will perceive you very differently if the answer is different from his expectations. In some cases, a sense of humor helps. Try not to succumb to irritation and direct a difficult conflict into the mainstream of a joke. At the same time, learn to perceive less acutely unpleasant situations.
Conclusion
People have become cruel, too cruel. It is especially scary to watch today's news: someone was beaten with bats, someone was tortured, someone was shot, someone was bombed ... We are already literally shaking from cruelty, can it really be even worse? What is happening with our world? Why do people become angry and cruel? And how, in the end, to stop this bacchanalia of pain, horror and despair?
Why are some people kind and some cruel?
Why exactly modern people have become especially cruel?
Why do kind people become cruel? Under what circumstances does this happen?
How to stop cruelty in the world? How to change the world for the better?
When the world begins to seem wrong, and people are too cruel - this is signal. Not to the fact that you need to pout, close in the apartment, be afraid of everyone around, be offended or angry. No! This is a call to action. This is a signal that it is worth changing the world so that it becomes better, kinder, more welcoming. But we should remember that the world does not change when we yell at each other or hand out leaflets with calls "Thou shalt not kill!" at the nearest intersection. All this will not give absolutely nothing. You can change the world only by bringing changes into it, that is, you will have to start with yourself. And it will be difficult, but after all, the desire is not small: to turn the world upside down and make people stop being cruel. Only the walking one can master this road.
Why do we see the world the way we see it?
The most common complaint that can be heard from the lips of fighters for kindness and peace throughout the world is that people simply do not see all the threats that they themselves create. People are cruel, evil and do not even think about changing. And we, kind and good, no matter how we knock on them, we can’t get through. It is obvious that if everyone saw the world in all its glory of cruelty, then it would be transformed into one continuous kindness. And you think so too, right? Then keep in mind that you really do exactly what it seems.
To get an answer to the question why people are so cruel, you need to try to see the world through the eyes of others, try to understand what drives people.
To see the world as it is, it is necessary to rely on something. In the case of the study of the inanimate world, it is best to apply knowledge of physics - in this way, we learn the forces and laws that we obey. In the case of the study of the plant world, one will have to turn to botany, and in the case of animals, to biology. Of course, when studying a person, one can turn to anatomy and physiology, but this will be a study of only the human body. And in order to understand its essence, one will have to turn to the study of his psyche - system-vector psychology. This latest science for the first time accurately defines human psychotypes through their desires and properties.
It is through system-vector psychology that one can see people as they are. Moreover, one can understand why we ourselves see the world the way we see it, that is, with a slight distortion in our direction. For example, only the owners of the visual vector, it seems that the world is full of cruel people, and they all intentionally do cruel things. It is the spectators who divide the world into good and evil, defining all their best characteristics as good, and everything that seems unpleasant to them as evil. So, a visual person cannot kill, injure any living being, therefore everyone who kicks a dog or kills a chicken is defined by him as a cruel and evil person. At the same time, the viewer himself is very emotional and all people who also have this quality are perceived by him as kind, good people.
Other people see the world differently. For example, people with a skin vector divide people according to economic principle and social superiority, in relation to time and quantity. Through their slit, they also see only a piece of the world and, as a result, they do not suffer at all from the fact that people have become cruel, but they are very worried that they have less wealth than others, that they cannot afford to buy a house, a car and a yacht. That's how they view the world, that's how they talk. Never a skin person will say "What people are cruel."
And so in each vector, in each person - his own piece of the world, his own slit into which he peeps.
This is the reason why we make mistakes. Not every emotional person is good and kind. Not every rich person is a thief. And so on.
Why do people become violent?
But, even learning to see vectors and human life values, we, to our regret, found that the world does not shine with positivity. There is a lot of violence in the world, people have really become cruel. Information about war and horror settled in everyday news and became familiar.
Through system-vector psychology, we have the opportunity to see the true reasons for such behavior of people.
When we go beyond ourselves, many things become obvious. People have become so cruel, not because they are evil or want evil, but because they suffer. They do not get enough happiness, they cannot find what would bring pleasure. Of course, they rush about in search - and pray in churches, and change jobs, and go to success trainings, and try to get directions in horoscopes and fortunetellers, but all in vain.
It's like having a bad tooth. It hurts and there is nowhere to go from this pain, even climb the wall. Where to run, what to do? We drink analgin, and the pain goes away, for a while. This is not relief, not joy, but so ... a temporary lull, when you know that the pain will definitely return. Moreover, the same medicine, one tablet, will not help further - you will have to increase the dose to drown out the pain.
So it is here: people suffer, and in order to suffer less, they let off steam. Where? In other people: violence, crime, cruelty. Even just having a fight, shouting, it becomes a little easier for us. But this relief is akin to an analgesic - a short-term analgesic effect will pass very quickly and suffering will rush with even greater force. And even the kindest of us become cruel too. Those who yesterday could not even kill a fly are now shouting about the possibility of dropping an atomic bomb on those who prevent them from living.
How to change the world - how to make people stop being cruel?
It is impossible to take painkillers away from a person with a bad tooth - he will hate you. In the same way, it is impossible to take away from a suffering person the only opportunity to let off steam: to get angry, offended, scream, chafe, or just quietly hate everyone.
The only thing we can do is to become happy and become an example for others. Show that you can live differently - in a different way, without suffering. Just like with a bad tooth - after all, everyone goes to the dentist for a reason, but because doctors can really help and the toothache will really go away. So here - you need to feel happiness in yourself. Of course, in no case is it implied some kind of self-deception or affirmation, prayer or conspiracy, when we wind ourselves up, forcefully smile and say "I am the happiest person in the world", and inside there is emptiness, melancholy and depression.
No, it's different. We become happy only when we begin to truly understand ourselves, the reasons for our behavior, and find answers to our inner questions. When, in response to an internal question, "stop, why am I doing this? Where am I going? Am I living the right way?" there are not some abstractions, but exact, definite answers. All this comes when we begin to understand the world as a whole, understand the actions of people, the reasons for their behavior.
And it is precisely those painful "points" that disturb us that are guidelines where it is necessary to make an effort. If it seems that there is too little good around, then our own visual vector feels suffering and it is necessary to find a way to fill it. If it sounds like no one understands you, then you should ask yourself the question - who do you understand yourself? If it seems that there is a lack of justice, then we are already suffocating from the injustice that we ourselves create, among other things. If there are only thieves around, you yourself must take will into a fist and stop thinking,
Every day, a continuous negative of various scales penetrates into our lives. The media obligingly report who killed, robbed, and shot down whom. Constantly various sources of information bring to our attention information about new cataclysms, political turmoil. And the positive, in comparison with the amount of negative news, is negligible. It seems that there is absolutely no good and good in the world. Unfortunately, this flow has “littered” the heads so much that today no one even thinks why people are so cruel? How to change it? And is modern humanity really so soulless?
Main reasons
Why are there so many cruel people? The answer to this question should be sought in the causes of aggression. It should be noted that the manifestation of cruelty is quite many-sided. However, it is not difficult to recognize her. A person who hurts another by making him suffer, whether morally or physically, who is fully aware of this and seeks to cause harm, is cruel.
Psychologists identify three reasons why people are cruel:
- Dissatisfaction with life. Persons dissatisfied with their fate are often subjected to stress and depression. These emotions so strongly overwhelm their soul that at any moment they are ready to break free. That is why all the negativity is often splashed out by mothers on children. Some people, under the influence of anger, break branches of trees, beat animals. This state of mind is quite dangerous, because it threatens the owner with the occurrence of neuroses, mental disorders. In addition to all this, constant negativity seriously shortens life expectancy, leads to the development of heart disease or skin problems.
- Indifference. Very often it is it that generates unjustified cruelty. Some people do not even try to understand how much pain their actions, and sometimes words, can cause. They don't think about how much they can hurt another. At the same time, a weak creature becomes the object of their cruelty, which cannot show emotions and explain what pain they caused him.
- Suppressed emotions. Sometimes a person shows aggression "on the side." Such behavior is characteristic of those who in everyday life are forced to constantly hide and suppress desires, emotions, impulses. Most often, such cruelty is characteristic of grown-up children (especially boys) who grew up in a family of authoritarian parents. Employees who are forced to unquestioningly carry out the orders of the boss, not being able to reveal their will, in some conditions can show extremely cruel ruthlessness.
historical brutality
The older generation likes to wonder - why did so many cruel people appear? Everyone was better before. Listening to their complaints, you involuntarily agree. One has only to open a newspaper or watch the news.
Earlier people Worth thinking about. And before - when? Thousands of years ago, when cannibalism flourished? Well, these people can be by and large even somehow justified. They were primitive. And they did not know at all about the humane attitude towards their neighbor. Or maybe those who lived in the era of the Inquisition were kinder? Or during the reign of Stalin? Many people were imprisoned thanks to denunciations. How many such "good people" sincerely tried to give their neighbor a "gift"!
Why does it feel like there are so many cruel people today? Of course, the media did their bit. In an era of democracy, they pay more attention to manifestations of cruelty. It should be noted that the level of humanity in humanity has also increased, which is why aggression is so striking.
Relations with relatives
All people tend to show cruelty. For some this happens very rarely. Others often show aggression. At the same time, anyone can commit a cruel act, and quite often such outbursts occur in really kind people. Unfortunately, all the negativity spills out on the closest relatives and friends. For those who are truly loved and very dear. Why are people so cruel? What makes them "tear off" anger at their relatives, and restrain outbursts of anger with others? Why is it impossible to control your behavior when communicating with loved ones?
Yes, because relatives Communicating with strangers, a person restrains himself. There are many reasons: both the desire to win over the interlocutor, and the fear of losing an interesting friend. In the case of the boss, intemperance can threaten with dismissal. But when you get into the circle of relatives, especially in a bad mood, even one word can infuriate a person. That's when the scandal erupted out of nowhere. Of course, this is fundamentally wrong, but the accumulated negative needs to be discharged. That is why it pours out on the closest relatives and friends. They, even if they are strongly offended and quarreled with them, love so much that they will forgive them anyway.
root of evil
The feeling of anger is given by nature. It is necessary in order to mobilize all forces for the struggle at dangerous moments. But how it will be used by a person depends on the moral standards instilled in childhood. If parents show aggression towards a child, it will definitely come back to haunt. Relationships between children and fathers, based on fear, are likely to be adopted by a teenager in communication with peers. It is in the family that one should look for the root of evil. Such upbringing clearly explains why people become cruel.
Although in this situation, the child may develop another model of behavior: he decides that he is bad and is to blame for everything. Such a teenager becomes a victim of peer abuse. Often he does not even look for methods of protection, believing that he deserved this.
Sometimes the cause of aggression may not be violence at all, but overprotection. This method of education puts a sense of permissiveness into the subconscious of the child. A teenager considers himself the most important and demands unquestioning obedience. Unfortunately, a person who has not been taught by his parents to respect others will not gain this wisdom anywhere else. He will not even notice how he humiliates.
Instability in society
An indirect cause of cruelty is the growing anxiety. instability creates a feeling of discomfort. From TV screens, people see cruelty again. A person whose psyche is formed is able to distinguish the grain from the husk, he will not accept aggression as a call to action. The child will absorb, like a sponge, on-screen scenes of violence. And he can perceive all this as a kind of school of life. It is important to realize how much such television hurts the child's psyche, and the answer to the question: "Why did people become cruel?" will be received instantly.
Feeling rejected
It is especially developed in adolescence. However, many adults carry these feelings into adulthood. Quite often, one can observe a picture when a baby exclaims loudly on the street and points a finger at a person with a different skin color or a physical handicap.
Adults react very differently. On a subconscious level, they experience a sense of danger. This is where the desire to self-destruct comes in. But for some it manifests itself in cruelty and violence. It is this feeling that sometimes makes teenagers mock peers who are different from them. Why are people so cruel? Again, the instilled skills of tolerance and respect in the family will not allow a teenager or an adult to behave this way.
How to defend the victim
Psychologists say that in a team it is quite easy to determine which people are cruel and who are the “lamb”. Therefore, the victim of aggression is advised to identify the following signs:
- diffidence;
- full acceptance of the opinion that trouble is deserved.
You should start with the awareness of your "I". Every person has a number of advantages and disadvantages. He is what he is. And no one has the right to offend him. Only by fully accepting this truth can one move further along the path of raising self-esteem, developing a sense of success. Parents can help the child in this realization. For an adult, since the behavior model has taken root, it is better to use the help of a professional psychologist.
As a rule, a hobby for some new business helps a lot. You can even enroll in a martial arts class.
It is very important to think over the reaction to the offender. He will perceive you very differently if the answer is different from his expectations. In some cases, it helps Try not to succumb to irritation and direct a difficult conflict into the mainstream of a joke. At the same time, learn to perceive less acutely unpleasant situations.
How to deal with your own aggression?
The reasons described above give an idea of why kind people become cruel. But how to deal with such manifestations? What to do if you start to boil internally?
Perfectly cleanse from the negative physical activity. After all, sport teaches conscious control over your emotions and body. Psychologists often recommend mastering breathing exercises. It will allow you to control both the body and the spirit.
Find a safe outlet for the accumulated negativity. Throw out your emotions with a cry. Just not for relatives and not for a colleague. Shout where you need it. For example, become an ardent football fan or attend rock concerts.
By the way, psychologists recommend this technique: stand near the railway in the evening. When the train passes, yell at the top of your lungs, as loud as you can. The noise of the wheels will drown out any sound. No one will hear you, and the body will receive the necessary discharge.
Conclusion
Remember that only you can deal with the feeling of cruelty that arises inside you. And this is completely within your power. If you want to find the answer to the question "why are people so cruel", start with yourself. Analyze your behavior. Get rid of the toxic feeling, because sooner or later it threatens to turn into a severe depression.
Throughout our lives, we have at least once met a person who, in our opinion, was cruel, angry and decidedly disgusting to us.
If your past is anything like the past of other people, you were most likely teased, gossiped about, shouted at, humiliated, cornered, intimidated and unfairly punished - and your reaction was probably this: “ FOR WHAT?"
Why are people angry with each other? Why do some people even enjoy being bitchy and venomous? You, like most people, will answer something along the lines of "...because they are bad people", "...because they are psychopaths / sociopaths", "...they are evil", "...well, that's how they are, what can you do!"
Yes, such answers are quite normal and common, however, this view of things is very narrow. These answers are naive, and it's time to better understand why "bad people are bad."
Why do we like to be offended?
You are talking to someone, you said something frankly offensive, and your interlocutor is offended by you. He rises threateningly and says, “You know, I found out something about you. You are a real bastard and you don't care about anyone but yourself. No wonder you have almost no friends." And then it is quickly washed off.
What is your reaction?
Full of righteous anger, you can jump up and start refuting all attacks by striking back. Well, or you will continue to sit, thinking about what you said, while sadness-longing will slowly devour you. “How could he do this to me?”, “What the hell have I done?”. You can continue to cook in your hatred, cursing everything around.
These two reactions are quite common, I myself have behaved in a similar way in the past. Responding to another person's anger breaks our peace of mind... but you know what I'll tell you? We like to be outraged. We like to be drunk with anger.
When we feel unfairly offended, we immediately reward ourselves with the title of “victim”, and not only, we also experience a sense of our own superiority. How often in the past have you been angry at a "disgusting person" with the firm belief that "I'm a lot better." I think often. But don't worry, it's normal. We all do it.
The fact is that anger is like a drug, and not only because it gives us a false feeling that we are allegedly better, more beautiful, more correct, more just. In addition to this, it creates the illusion of a distinction between us and the world (in other words, it strengthens our ego). Because of this, we cannot see through the veil of misbehavior - because of our unwillingness to get rid of anger.
Once we are fully prepared to let go of our anger and all its charms, we can truly understand why people are so bad. This realization will be of infinite benefit to you.
How to tear off the mask of mock cruelty?
When we blame bad and cruel people for all mortal sins, we deprive them of all human qualities. Yes, you will say that there are psychopaths and sociopaths who have no empathy and no remorse at all. But these people (who by the way make up a very low percentage of the population) are not robots either. In fact, they also suffer from feelings of loneliness, resentment, disappointment, depression, and this explains a lot. Psychopaths can even show empathy when they want to.
I am convinced that not all "bad" people we meet are necessarily psychopaths or sociopaths, in fact they are deeply hurt. And we don't have time to sort out their feelings, because they are disgusting to us (and because, let's face it, we ourselves have been deeply hurt).
We spew out excuses like “So what? We are all sufferers, but this is no excuse at all, ”and in this way we strengthen our confidence in our rightness and continue to torment ourselves.
However, if you are willing to take responsibility for yourself, your life, and your happiness, there is one thing you need to remember:
All cruel, evil, rude people are just like that, because they hurt.
If you want to look behind the veil of this ostentatious cruelty, you need to understand "what hurts." You may have to dig into his past, talk with friends, colleagues to find out why he behaves this way. Well, or just guess.
No matter which approach you take, you are bound to learn something surprising: their behavior is driven by pain.
Perhaps it's family quarrels, problems at work, breakup or divorce, tragedy or something more vague like depression, fear of failure, fear of rejection, low self-esteem, experiences when a person cannot cope with this pain, he directs it on others. And thus the pain is equalized, multiplying.
But it is in your power to interrupt this circle of pain and prevent it from interfering with your thoughts, feelings, life. The most important thing is to learn to see all these mechanisms in your own head and, as a result, to truly understand a person.
The next time someone treats you badly, take your time. Feel all the negative emotions and then let them go. Ask yourself, “What pain is this person experiencing that makes them do this?” Then open yourself to forgiveness and understanding, because all the mental patterns that led to such behavior on his part are or were in you. And the only reason why you can not have them is either a perfect childhood and adulthood or
Every day, a continuous negative of various scales penetrates into our lives. The media obligingly report who killed, robbed, and shot down whom. Constantly various sources of information bring to our attention information about new cataclysms, political turmoil. And the positive, in comparison with the amount of negative news, is negligible. It seems that there is absolutely no good and good in the world. Unfortunately, this flow has “littered” the heads so much that today no one even thinks why people are so cruel? How to change it? And is modern humanity really so soulless?
Main reasons
Why are there so many cruel people? The answer to this question should be sought in the causes of aggression. It should be noted that the manifestation of cruelty is quite many-sided. However, it is not difficult to recognize her. A person who hurts another by making him suffer, whether morally or physically, who is fully aware of this and seeks to cause harm, is cruel.
Psychologists identify three reasons why people are cruel:
- Dissatisfaction with life. Persons dissatisfied with their fate are often subjected to stress and depression. These emotions so strongly overwhelm their soul that at any moment they are ready to break free. That is why all the negativity is often splashed out by mothers on children. Some people, under the influence of anger, break branches of trees, beat animals. This state of mind is quite dangerous, because it threatens the owner with the occurrence of neuroses, mental disorders. In addition to all this, constant negativity seriously shortens life expectancy, leads to the development of heart disease or skin problems.
- Indifference. Very often it is it that generates unjustified cruelty. Some people do not even try to understand how much pain their actions, and sometimes words, can cause. They don't think about how much they can hurt another. At the same time, a weak creature becomes the object of their cruelty, which cannot show emotions and explain what pain they caused him.
- Suppressed emotions. Sometimes a person shows aggression "on the side." Such behavior is characteristic of those who in everyday life are forced to constantly hide and suppress desires, emotions, impulses. Most often, such cruelty is characteristic of grown-up children (especially boys) who grew up in a family of authoritarian parents. Employees who are forced to unquestioningly carry out the orders of the boss, not being able to reveal their will, in some conditions can show extremely cruel ruthlessness.
historical brutality
The older generation likes to wonder - why did so many cruel people appear? Everyone was better before. Listening to their complaints, you involuntarily agree. One has only to open a newspaper or watch the news.
Earlier people Worth thinking about. And before - when? Thousands of years ago, when cannibalism flourished? Well, these people can be by and large even somehow justified. They were primitive. And they did not know at all about the humane attitude towards their neighbor. Or maybe those who lived in the era of the Inquisition were kinder? Or during the reign of Stalin? Many people were imprisoned thanks to denunciations. How many such "good people" sincerely tried to give their neighbor a "gift"!
Why does it feel like there are so many cruel people today? Of course, the media did their bit. In an era of democracy, they pay more attention to manifestations of cruelty. It should be noted that the level of humanity in humanity has also increased, which is why aggression is so striking.
Relations with relatives
All people tend to show cruelty. For some this happens very rarely. Others often show aggression. At the same time, anyone can commit a cruel act, and quite often such outbursts occur in really kind people. Unfortunately, all the negativity spills out on the closest relatives and friends. For those who are truly loved and very dear. Why are people so cruel? What makes them "tear off" anger at their relatives, and restrain outbursts of anger with others? Why is it impossible to control your behavior when communicating with loved ones?
Yes, because relatives Communicating with strangers, a person restrains himself. There are many reasons: both the desire to win over the interlocutor, and the fear of losing an interesting friend. In the case of the boss, intemperance can threaten with dismissal. But when you get into the circle of relatives, especially in a bad mood, even one word can infuriate a person. That's when the scandal erupted out of nowhere. Of course, this is fundamentally wrong, but the accumulated negative needs to be discharged. That is why it pours out on the closest relatives and friends. They, even if they are strongly offended and quarreled with them, love so much that they will forgive them anyway.
root of evil
The feeling of anger is given by nature. It is necessary in order to mobilize all forces for the struggle at dangerous moments. But how it will be used by a person depends on the moral standards instilled in childhood. If parents show aggression towards a child, it will definitely come back to haunt. Relationships between children and fathers, based on fear, are likely to be adopted by a teenager in communication with peers. It is in the family that one should look for the root of evil. Such upbringing clearly explains why people become cruel.
Although in this situation, the child may develop another model of behavior: he decides that he is bad and is to blame for everything. Such a teenager becomes a victim of peer abuse. Often he does not even look for methods of protection, believing that he deserved this.
Sometimes the cause of aggression may not be violence at all, but overprotection. This method of education puts a sense of permissiveness into the subconscious of the child. A teenager considers himself the most important and demands unquestioning obedience. Unfortunately, a person who has not been taught by his parents to respect others will not gain this wisdom anywhere else. He will not even notice how he humiliates.
Instability in society
An indirect cause of cruelty is the growing anxiety. instability creates a feeling of discomfort. From TV screens, people see cruelty again. A person whose psyche is formed is able to distinguish the grain from the husk, he will not accept aggression as a call to action. The child will absorb, like a sponge, on-screen scenes of violence. And he can perceive all this as a kind of school of life. It is important to realize how much such television hurts the child's psyche, and the answer to the question: "Why did people become cruel?" will be received instantly.
Feeling rejected
It is especially developed in adolescence. However, many adults carry these feelings into adulthood. Quite often, one can observe a picture when a baby exclaims loudly on the street and points a finger at a person with a different skin color or a physical handicap.
Adults react very differently. On a subconscious level, they experience a sense of danger. This is where the desire to self-destruct comes in. But for some it manifests itself in cruelty and violence. It is this feeling that sometimes makes teenagers mock peers who are different from them. Why are people so cruel? Again, the instilled skills of tolerance and respect in the family will not allow a teenager or an adult to behave this way.
How to defend the victim
Psychologists say that in a team it is quite easy to determine which people are cruel and who are the “lamb”. Therefore, the victim of aggression is advised to identify the following signs:
- diffidence;
- full acceptance of the opinion that trouble is deserved.
You should start with the awareness of your "I". Every person has a number of advantages and disadvantages. He is what he is. And no one has the right to offend him. Only by fully accepting this truth can one move further along the path of raising self-esteem, developing a sense of success. Parents can help the child in this realization. For an adult, since the behavior model has taken root, it is better to use the help of a professional psychologist.
As a rule, a hobby for some new business helps a lot. You can even enroll in a martial arts class.
It is very important to think over the reaction to the offender. He will perceive you very differently if the answer is different from his expectations. In some cases, it helps Try not to succumb to irritation and direct a difficult conflict into the mainstream of a joke. At the same time, learn to perceive less acutely unpleasant situations.
How to deal with your own aggression?
The reasons described above give an idea of why kind people become cruel. But how to deal with such manifestations? What to do if you start to boil internally?
Perfectly cleanse from the negative physical activity. After all, sport teaches conscious control over your emotions and body. Psychologists often recommend mastering breathing exercises. It will allow you to control both the body and the spirit.
Find a safe outlet for the accumulated negativity. Throw out your emotions with a cry. Just not for relatives and not for a colleague. Shout where you need it. For example, become an ardent football fan or attend rock concerts.
By the way, psychologists recommend this technique: stand near the railway in the evening. When the train passes, yell at the top of your lungs, as loud as you can. The noise of the wheels will drown out any sound. No one will hear you, and the body will receive the necessary discharge.
Conclusion
Remember that only you can deal with the feeling of cruelty that arises inside you. And this is completely within your power. If you want to find the answer to the question "why are people so cruel", start with yourself. Analyze your behavior. Get rid of the toxic feeling, because sooner or later it threatens to turn into a severe depression.
