The main thing to remember is that love is not a simple feeling. Not everyone can immediately realize that he feels for his partner (partner) more than sexual attraction or ordinary affection. It is also not uncommon for an ideal couple to disperse from the outside and find their only love after a while. Not all men can assess their feelings and understand - is it love or just affection. In this matter, a woman can help him, with her intuition and insight.
Let's designate the main signs indicating that a man is actually in love.
First, pay attention to your man's gaze.
If one person loves another, he will always unconsciously look for his beloved or beloved. After all, as you know, a man loves with his eyes. If a man looks at his woman with the same expression as at a chair, only one conclusion can be drawn, in these relations there is no question of love.
The second is his manners and the tone with which he speaks.
Remember, a man in love cannot speak to his beloved with irritation or disdain. Even if he does not agree with what she says, he will compromise, not wanting to quarrel over trivialities. Better then just talk about everything calmly, and not bring the situation to a scandal.
The third is your desires
The question is not even how much the desires of a man and a woman coincide, some differences are not critical, because all people are different. The main thing is how much he is interested in the desires of the girl who is next to him. After all, if he is not interested in whether you want to watch this film, spend your only weekend with little acquaintances, or simply unpleasant people, this is not the best sign. Either he is simply inattentive, or he simply does not care what his woman likes and what does not.
Fourth - how attentive he is to his soul mate
What can be said here? If a man thinks only about his own convenience and comfort, and completely ignores how his partner feels about love in this relationship and does not smell! A man in love cannot help but think about the convenience of his woman, about why she is in a bad mood, and what measures to take if she is not feeling well.
Fifth - personal problems or other difficult situation
There are various unpleasant situations in life. A close person fell ill, urgently needs to leave for some time, etc. If a man loves a woman, he will leave all his affairs for her, and will not go to a bar to watch the next match of his favorite team with friends, instead of going with his beloved, for example, to a funeral to a loved one.
Sixth - Isex relationships
Close relationships are impossible without sex - that's a fact. And the way partners behave during sex can tell a lot. If a man during sex thinks not only about his own satisfaction, but also to take care that his partner is good and comfortable - this is a sign!
Seventh - domestic life
If a man thinks that a woman is obliged to wash, iron, feed and keep the house clean, regardless of how she feels, and regardless of whether she has time for all this, know his selfishness does not just go beyond all possible frames, he only thinks A loving man will not disdain to wipe the dust, or warm up dinner for himself, if you harvest with an annual report, or lie with a temperature of forty degrees.
Eighth - money issue
If a man strictly monitors the financial spending of his faithful, if he asks her for a full report on purchases with receipts, only the most sophisticated female mind can discern love in these relationships. The financial situation in couples is different, and prudent and most importantly joint, savings are acceptable, but if the matter is already taking on the character of fanaticism, steam is sounding the alarm.
All of the above is not an immutable truth that guarantees an ideal relationship, because even love is not always eternal. The main thing to remember is that relationships always, at any stage of their development, require attention and efforts from both!
It is not very pleasant to feel used. It seems to you that you have found a great person, and you are happy to declare him your boyfriend, but you do not leave the feeling that something is wrong... If you have an uncomfortable feeling on the inside, if your boyfriend’s behavior is causing concern, or if you hear warnings from friends, start worrying. Is your boyfriend using you? If you think so, whether it's for sex, money, popularity, or anything else, it's important to get to the bottom of it and find out if he has long-term plans for a relationship with you.
Steps
Analyze your suspicions
- Is this repetitive behavior, or did you harbor a grudge against something he did once, six months ago? While you should take care of yourself and stand your ground, there are times when you should forgive and forget if he apologized.
- The fact that he forgot to call you when he promised is unpleasant and can be annoying. However, if he ignored you on your birthday because he had other things to do, this is unacceptable. Go through the list and objectively evaluate his actions, as well as how they made you feel.
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Talk to trusted friends and family members. Sometimes others can see what we do not see. Rumors, warnings, and advice from people can be helpful if you are in doubt about your feelings. However, remember that there are only two people in a relationship: you and your partner.
- Do not let anyone and everyone who will be ready to listen to you dig into your dirty laundry. More problems can arise from this. Only consult people who are trustworthy and have good intentions.
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Decide what to do. If, after analyzing the situation, talking with loved ones, you find out that your suspicions are unfounded, decide how to move on. You may have some self-esteem issues and need to deal with them in order to feel safe in the relationship. If you are sure there are good reasons for concern, then you need to figure out how to deal with the situation directly with your boyfriend.
Observe and experiment
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Stop giving him what you think he wants. In other words, think for the sake of what he is using you, and get rid of it completely. Then watch his reaction. In a healthy relationship, a partner should derive happiness and satisfaction from several things. If the relationship is hit hard by one change, it could be a problem.
Tell your boyfriend that you want to slow down a little if you think he is using you for sex or other physical intimacy. If all he wants is to spend time in the bedroom at night, say you would like to go out during the day. If he begins to insist on physical intimacy, remind him that you are not interested in this right now. Ask him to respect your boundaries.
- If you don't know what to say to him, try this: "I want to focus on our emotional connection, so let's refrain from physical intimacy for now." His reaction will let you know if he is using you or not. If he doesn't mind continuing the relationship without sex, he will stay with you. If he doesn't want to be with you without physical intimacy, leave him.
- Remember: this is your body. And the most main is to gain respect in response to your refusal.
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Protect your money if you think the reason is it. Tell your guy that spending money is no longer satisfying for you, and come up with an excuse if need be. It's completely understandable if your boyfriend doesn't have the money to pamper you, but it's completely abnormal if he demands that you spoiled him. If his interest disappears when your money disappears, that person is not worthy of being called your "boyfriend."
- Say, "I really need to start saving money, so I'm going to cut my expenses." Then, if he needs money from you or if he asks to pay for something, you can remind him of your intention. Again, his reaction will reveal everything you need to know.
- A similar approach can be applied to any other thing for which a guy can use you (for example, for popularity, gifts, etc.). It may not be easy at first, but a decent guy will tolerate it if he thinks the relationship is worth it.
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Note what it does for you. In a fit of mad love, girls sometimes do not notice that the guys are not doing anything for them. It is easy to get carried away with a person enough to find excuses for him. However, start paying attention to what he does or doesn't do for you. This does not necessarily mean bouquets of roses and expensive dinners. These are basic ways to show that he cares about you.
- Does he make any simple but meaningful gestures? For example, brings you coffee if he knows you’re tired, or sends you a reassuring message if he knows you’re having a hard day?
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Understand the difference between sweet compliments and flattery. If he says he likes your sense of humor and is willing to listen to your concerns, chances are he really cares about you. If he praises your beauty right before asking for a favor, be on the lookout.
- Pay close attention to what he does when he doesn't get anything in return. If he does nice things just to make you feel good, that's a great sign.
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Be a little alone. You don't have to make a loud statement that you need a "break", just find a way to be alone for a while. It's easy to accept bad behavior or ignore warning signs when you're around a guy. Whether you are blinded by love or scared at the thought of denying him anything, you may not be able to think clearly in his presence.
- While away from him, analyze the relationship. Are you getting as much from him as you are giving? A healthy relationship is mutually beneficial.
- By giving him space, you can also see how he manages on his own without having something to use you for.
Talk to your boyfriend
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Schedule a time to talk and approach the situation calmly. It is important to let him know that you want to have a serious conversation, otherwise he may become defensive and upset with a surprise attack. This will give him some time to reflect on your relationship and prepare for a meaningful conversation. Plus, you too will have time to calm down, collect your thoughts, and figure out how to reach out to your boyfriend.
- It is very important to start the conversation calmly and coolly. Even if you feel resentful or angry, a conversation spent in tears and curses will not be productive.
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State your concerns. Be honest, but don't attack the guy. Don't underestimate or suppress your feelings. Your emotions have a place to be, and you should not shy away from expressing them just because it can cause discomfort. Expand your feelings, thereby allowing the guy to explain, console you, confess, or correct his behavior.
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Let the guy speak up. Even if you are absolutely sure that your fears are justified and that he was using you, you can only put an end to it by letting him explain. Do not interrupt him, as this will only increase the tension from the situation. If you disagree with what he is saying, wait for him to finish his speech to sort it out. By giving him the floor, you can analyze his reaction after you state your thoughts. Is he repentant and apologetic, or is he defensive and rude?
- Remember that your feelings have a place to be. Even if your guy thinks he hasn't done anything wrong, don't let him make you feel guilty about your feelings.
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Decide how you will move on (together or alone). Once you sort out what was bothering you and your boyfriend hears about your feelings, decide how you proceed. If he hasn't provided an explanation and apology that will make the future of your relationship comfortable and optimistic, it’s probably time to end the relationship.
- If you are planning on staying with a guy and are satisfied that he is in a relationship for a specific reason, be sure to make a plan with him for the future. If your feelings are hurt and you feel like you are giving more than you are receiving, you need to figure out how to fix these problems. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same situation again.
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When does he want to spend time with you? Does he only want to see you at night? He generally wanted to be just with you? Perhaps by coincidence, he only gets time for you when you get an invite to a cool party. Start paying close attention to when he wants to see you, because that can tell a lot about his intentions.
Where does he want to spend time with you? If he is only interested in the bedroom, this is a clear alarm signal. If he never wants to take you to the company of his friends, preferring to always spend time alone at home, this probably means that he is not interested in making you a public and "official" part of his life.
List all alarms and warning signs. Analyze each of them in detail. Reflect on how often the guy says or does something that makes you anxious or uncomfortable. Making a list is a great way to piece together your thoughts and voice concerns that may have just brewed in your head up to this point.
Many women believe that if Man confesses his love, looks after beautifully and declares his readiness to marry, then he truly loves. However, men often say beautiful phrases just because the woman wants to hear them. Remember, words are just words, and you need to judge love solely by actions. You need to be able to distinguish when a man says "I love you" just to get sex from you, or when he is afraid of scandals, and when he really loves.
The main indicator love is caring. If he loves, he will take care of the woman, will be attentive to her needs and desires, will try to protect her from problems and troubles, will protect and patronize her. He will remember all the habits and addictions of his beloved.
A loving man will always find a reason hear the voice of your beloved or be close to her. He himself will call or wait for her near the entrance, finding the most ridiculous excuses for this. He will try to introduce his beloved into his circle of communication, will acquaint her with parents, friends and relatives. He will not hide from her a past life or the one he lives now. If a man loves, he will listen with interest to her stories, trying not to miss a single word.
He will be sincere be interested in the affairs of your beloved and look for a way out of difficult situations in which she found herself in order to help her. A loving man will remember important dates for a woman, find out what she likes to do and what she doesn't. He will even try to change his behavior and give up bad habits that a woman does not like. A loving man will not force a woman to do something that she does not want and dictate her own terms. She will be interesting to him all, and not by some separate features and qualities.
The main rule that helps to determine loves or the man does not like the following: "A gallant man will ask:" Can I help you? "," Can I meet? "," Can I come? " A loving man will meet, come and help. " If a man claimed that he loved and disappeared, stopped calling and texting, then you should not torment yourself with the search for an answer to the question: "Why doesn't he call?"
The answer is outrageously simple. Man does not call, not because the phone was stolen, the battery ran out or a lot of work, but because the woman did not manage to fall in love with him. He got what he wanted, and he no longer wants to continue. Calling him herself and making an appointment with a woman is possible in this case only if she only agrees to have periodic sex with him without any obligations. It is no longer worth hoping that he will kindle to her with unearthly love; for a strong relationship it is better to look for another man.
Absence love speaks and indifference. If in a company a man does not look for a woman with his gaze, does not sit down next to him and behaves as if they are just friends, then this is a sign that he is not burning with love for her. It doesn't smell like love if a man makes fun of a woman and constantly makes her remarks like that she doesn't stand that way, doesn't dress like that, don't do her hair like that, don't make up like that. Love is blind and they do not notice all the shortcomings of a beloved man, and if he has only complaints, this means that he is indifferent to her.
If Man for some reason, he could not congratulate his beloved on the holiday, he will definitely present her with a surprise some other day. A loving person will definitely call on a holiday, and then figure out how to please her. After all, if he does not respect the woman with whom he shares the bed, then he does not respect himself.
Don't believe the excuses - " could not call in any way", "there was absolutely no time"," did not have time to buy a gift "," there was a lot of work "," the boss did not let go. "In fact, force majeure situations rarely arise in which there is no way to call and buy a gift. March or other holidays means only one thing: "I don't care about you."
If a man is always there and always ready to help, then there is no need to doubt his love. There is no friendship between a woman and a man. This behavior of a man is a sure sign that he is not indifferent to you. Perhaps at the beginning of their acquaintance, he tried to confess his love to you, but he was not understood or was late, and now he is silent, like a fish. It is worth taking a closer look at such a "friend", he really loves.
To find out whether he loves or a man does not like, there is no need to torment chamomile petals and carry out "checks". Throwing tantrums, scandals, fictional problems and invented dramas will not bring the desired results either. Even a well-played "performance" will not help to reveal the real attitude of a man towards you. Even if he says "I love you" - it is not a fact that this is not a lie.
Just don't have to try change a man, then he will not need to adapt and deceive, being in stressful situations. Give him the opportunity to be just himself, including in love. After all, every man loves in his own way, someone - timidly and awkwardly, while others - strongly and passionately. But most importantly, they all love. And for this they are very grateful.
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In life, it often happens that being next to a loved one, over time you begin to doubt his intentions. What drives him: pure sublime feeling or self-interest and calculation? After all, the behavior of a calculating person will be visible in certain little things that you don't always pay attention to. How can such a person be recognized? How to tell if a man loves you or is just using you? This article is devoted to the answers to these questions.
How to understand if a loved one loves you or is just using you
To determine if a man is sincere in his feelings, you should analyze the relationship with him. To what extent are they harmonious and understandable? In a real relationship, there should be interaction between the two parties, when not only the lady puts her strength and energy into the relationship, but the representative of the stronger sex does the same.
If keeping the relationship afloat has a one-sided effect or in the existing family union there is no initiative from the husband, he does not want to make any decisions, help, does not give protection and patronage, then it is likely that there is a simple use.
It is clear that when a representative of the strong half of humanity truly loves, he will not use it.
In the presence of sincere feelings, a man should relate to his chosen one:
- Attentively;
- Carefully;
- Soft;
- Gently;
- Kindly;
- Lovingly;
- Honestly.
If there is no love in a relationship, then all actions will be of a consumer nature.
You should not expect from such a gentleman:
- Attentive attitude;
- Emergency assistance;
- Compassion;
- Empathy;
- Mutual assistance.
He practically does not delve into the life of a lady, he only needs her to satisfy his needs.
Watch the video. Am I loved or used? Psychotherapy.
Meetings
If the chosen one suddenly disappears for a long time, and then suddenly appears, this is the first sign that he needs a lady only for the sake of sexual pleasures.
At a romantic meeting, he is attentive, charming, gentle, gives bouquets and showered with compliments, but immediately after sex he changes dramatically: he becomes rude, unemotional, apathetic. Or he seeks to run away faster, motivating it with excessive employment, an early work meeting or a long business trip.
Passion
Considering the fact that all representatives of the stronger sex love with their eyes, a dull look on a date can mean only one thing - a loss of interest.
In 80% of cases, a man in love gives out a look
If a gentleman looks enthusiastically, without looking away, constantly looking for his favorite image in the crowd, then he is really in love.
Care
The manifestation of a reverent attitude is a sure sign of affection and warmth, without the intention of deceiving and coercing into banal sex. The partner should care about the comfort of the chosen one, and not just his own feeling.
The selfish and self-centered gentleman does not think about others, and even less does he think about caring. He does not care about the well-being of the woman he loves, or where she would like to go, what program to watch, how to spend the weekend. And if such a subject wants to while away the evening in a bar, then he will certainly go there - despite the protest of the lady.
Therefore, in such a situation, there is no love - only simple exploitation, so that there is something to eat, where to sleep and satisfy your desires.
Words and deeds
They must match each other.
For example, the following actions of a man are negative signs:
- Claims that he wants to spend more time together, but he himself leaves for a meeting with friends;
- He says that he wants to see him, but does not appear or only comes from time to time;
- He assures that he is extremely bored, but he rarely calls or does not do it at all.
This attitude indicates not forgetfulness, but disrespect for the lady. When they truly love, they do not deceive and do not remember the object of love from time to time. Lies, false words, empty promises are also examples of the fact that words and deeds diverge.
Mood
The gentleman in love is inspired by being next to his beloved lady, and the indifferent one becomes rationally minded, serious, angry. On the one hand, this can speak of indifference: the chosen one is tired, has become uninteresting, since her lover has achieved his goal.
But on the other hand, this may indicate unexpected difficulties in life, in the professional sphere, in everyday life, or about health problems. In this situation, the easiest way is to discuss the misunderstanding in order to clarify the reasons for the existing alienation.
Problems
The person to whom his chosen one is dear will not leave her alone with problems.
When a man treats the complexities of his passion with displeasure and without the necessary tact and attention, he thereby demonstrates his real feelings for her.
Such actions are proof that a woman is being used as a convenient accessory. The representative of the stronger sex shifts all the difficulties onto the chosen one, turning into the "center of the universe" around which everything should revolve.
He only needs one thing
Situations when men need intimacy from ladies, and nothing else, are common in modern reality. It is a shame that many women do not understand this. If a representative of the strong half of humanity does not love, but only uses a lady, this can be seen with the naked eye.
When he is trembling, loving and sensitive only before sex, and after that he turns to the wall and is silent - this is not love. It is simple erotic attraction and lust.
A loving person tends to compliment his lady often, and an intimate manipulator - only during arousal, after sexual contact he is no longer interested in the object.
How do you know that a woman is being used? Male manipulators usually do not even think about the pleasure of their lady in bed. They think only of themselves, beloved, of their peak of pleasure. Such gentlemen want to be at their best, but they use a standard set of techniques for this, without even thinking whether a particular lady will like them.
Meeting friends and parents
If a boyfriend hides his soul mate from friends, this is a serious reason to think about the sincerity of his feelings.
If he does not introduce friends for a long time, despite a long relationship, then:
- He is hiding something from the chosen one (for example, another passion with whom he has a long-term relationship);
- Has no confidence that this relationship is serious, and that it will develop into something more (for example, into marriage);
- She does not want to communicate for a long time, because she just wants non-binding sex.
Manner of communication
With a lady who is not indifferent to him, a man speaks politely, without obscenities and abusive expressions, even if they are characteristic of him. That is, a person wants to look in a favorable light, because he wants to please. Therefore, in this case, you cannot accuse him of indifference and simply trying to use it.
Another sure sign of love is a delicate attitude.
The representative of the stronger sex wants to show gallantry and tact, so he will not be too lazy to give his hand, open the door, does not slap the lady on the shoulder, like an old friend.
Watch the video. Signs that a guy is manipulating you.
Secret places
Almost every person has favorite places associated with some strong experiences. Most often, it can be the old house of a beloved grandmother, the seashore, a park bench, a forest. That is, small enclosed spaces, where at a certain period of time, a person really enjoyed life.
So, a loving gentleman will want to bring a lady there so that she, too, will become a part of them and enjoy the beauty, tranquility, and peace. An indifferent person will not even tell about the existence of these places, because a woman is indifferent to him.
Details
Little things in the behavior of a man in love play an important role.
Anyone who loves his chosen one performs the following, seemingly insignificant actions:
- Knows all her little whims;
- Remembers the birthday;
- Surprises, if not every day, then at least once a week with an unexpected present;
- Remembers her favorite walking routes;
- Remembers what they talked about on a date.
70% of men in love are sensitive
In other words, a man should be sensitive to his chosen one, try not to forget about her weaknesses and preferences. Conversely, a representative of the stronger sex, who does not want to delve into the nuances, is indifferent to significant dates, suggests his indifference. He doesn't care about his birthday or favorite places, and he doesn't care about a woman either.
Other women
A man devoted to a lady will not walk with other representatives of the fairer sex. Even with old girlfriends and girlfriends. And the reason is not that they are indifferent to him. He simply does not want to be compromised in the eyes of the chosen one by unworthy behavior, since he values her.
How to know if a man loves you or uses you
He constantly has no time, he is often in a hurry, does not even have time to talk. But then he has free time when something is needed. His style of behavior then changes abruptly. A man becomes kind, anxious, attentive. Having received what he wanted, he reports that important matters and permanent employment have arisen again.
A representative of the stronger sex can pray, ask, and sometimes insist that the lady do as he wants. However, at the same time, his grimace, affectionate speeches sound faked and unnatural.
You won't get help from him, a "strong shoulder", he seems to be fencing himself off from the chosen one with his own life. And her difficulties, desires, intentions do not interest him.
In addition, a woman may be treated like a servant. It is convenient for some representatives of the strong half of humanity that there is a lady nearby who knows how to cook deliciously, takes care of the house. More is not required of her. However, her aspirations are not taken into account. The main thing is to do the cleaning and be completely subordinate to her husband.
Exploitation also extends to the intimate sphere of relationships; in this case, contrasts in actions are characteristic of a man. When he desires sexual contact, he will be affectionate, courteous, tactful. Having received what he wanted, interest in the lady instantly loses. And this happens from time to time.
Victim psychology
Why do some ladies seem to beckon male manipulators? The reason is that a person is responsible for everything that happens to him.
The status of a victim is an inner feeling, a woman literally demonstrates her readiness to surrender herself into the hands of all kinds of power lovers.
If someone tries to use a woman, it means that she herself allows such cases. What could be the reasons for such low self-esteem?
There are several:
- Lack of self respect;
- Various complexes;
- The desire to hurt yourself, to punish yourself through strangers.
How can a representative of the weak half of humanity be used?
There are several options for this:
- Love exploitation. Often an insecure woman agrees to a passive role, that is, she becomes the mistress of a married person. She thinks that she is not worthy of a better option, so a man will use her to satisfy his lust;
- Professional exploitation. For a lady who does not believe in her professional abilities, colleagues in the business sphere will try to throw off most of their work. Also, arrogant colleagues can appropriate her achievements, currying favor with the leadership, at the same time, assuring her of professional unsuitability;
- Friendly communication. In many cases, an insecure lady turns up a manipulative friend who knows what needs to be done to quickly win over a compliant person. A woman, listening to false compliments, and content with beautiful words in her direction, is ready to do anything for the "well-wisher". What a new friend uses with great pleasure.
Signs
When a man is not interested in a relationship, you can tell by his behavior.
If there is a suspicion that a woman is being used, but you are not completely sure of this, it is worth listening to the following warning signs:
- The opinion of relatives and friends that the chosen one does not love the lady at all, but simply exploits. At first, such conclusions from the "victim" cause only aggression and rejection;
- A sober look from the outside at the existing relationship shows that the lady gives much more than she gains.
A woman should think about the situation in a calm atmosphere, and then try to distract herself and abstract from it. The right decision will come by itself.
Watch the video. From mistress to beloved. Loves or uses?
How to tell if a married man is using you
It is worth taking a closer look at the representative of the stronger sex.
- He is in no hurry to get divorced, leave the family. Doesn't want a serious relationship;
- He needs a woman only for sexual relations, then he is not interested;
- He has no plans to marry a lady. Questions about the future cause discontent;
- He seeks to impose his own will on her, as if to subdue her;
- A man is indifferent to her experiences, aspirations;
- You won't get support, "strong shoulder", attention from him;
- There is no sincerity, love, reciprocity in relationships;
- He is more focused on himself;
- Becomes affectionate and gentle when he needs something;
- He does not say a lot during conversations;
- His words do not find confirmation in actions.
In general, you can find a large number of signs that signal that a representative of the stronger sex is simply using a woman. And they all have one thing in common - no return on the part of the gentleman.
Often, manipulation occurs in order to persuade, force, force a lady to do what a man needs. But in this case, there can be no talk of love and tenderness.
