Dear readers, this article will be interesting for you if your man is a mama's son. You will learn how to make sure that this is indeed the case. You will know how you can act in this case. You will find out what exactly influences the formation of this attachment of an adult to a mother.
Types of mama's sons
The very name "mama's boy" says that the husband is attached to his mother, and that he has no masculinity, he is still a child. In symbolic terms, two types of such men can be distinguished.
- Absolute. He will never make a decision on his own. Mom decides everything. Such relationships arise in childhood, when a woman herself decides which circle to enroll a child with, with whom to be friends, and which university to enter. So in adulthood, he determines what job to go to, whom to marry. After creating a family, mom will live nearby.
- Partial. The man is independent enough. He himself decides who to marry. However, choosing a life partner, he is looking for one that will remind him of his mother. In fact, he does not need a partner, he needs a person who will resemble his mother and will continue to take care of him. Such men often marry a woman much older than them.
The reasons for the formation of personality
You can probably guess that if the husband is a mama's son, then this is no accident. This is preceded by events in childhood.
- The presence of an incomplete family. If a boy grows up without a man's upbringing, next to him is a mother, a grandmother, the child forms a wrong perception of the world around him.
- After a divorce, a woman can turn a child against her father and forbid them to see each other. Subsequently, such a mother can protect her baby from the influence of other men, she will be afraid that he will be injured. So the boy will grow up knowing only one model of behavior imposed by his mother.
- Having a weak-willed father. The child grows up in a complete family, but dad is completely not interested in him or spends too much time at work. Such a boy, among other things, will grow up, believing that his father's model of behavior is correct, will transfer it to his future family.
- Arrogant maternal custody. Mom prevents her son from becoming independent, she does everything instead of him. The woman thinks that she cares about her baby. In fact, she is raising a weak man.
- Maternal blackmail. A woman who has spent her whole life on a child, lived only for him, will not want to part with her son when he grows up. She will not let him go to another city to study, and can also interfere with a relationship with an unwanted girl. In order for the child to listen to her, he will begin to threaten his health. And the trouble is that many guys stop thinking about their needs, they are afraid to harm their mother by their act, ruin their lives.
- The aggressive behavior of the mother can also suppress the masculinity in the boy.
- Excessive pity of a woman for a child leads to the fact that an adult man wants to be pitied, to be sympathized with.
Main manifestations
Let's look at what signs may indicate that your husband is "the son of his mother."
- During your communication, she constantly recalls the opinion of her mother. When talking, he can talk about himself in the plural, as it turns out, he means himself and his mother.
- The parent constantly calls her son, asks where he is and what he is doing, controls his actions.
- An adult man continues to live with his mother and not because he does not have the finances to live separately or because she needs constant care.
- The guy allows his mother to interfere in his personal life, listens to her opinion. Maybe even leave the girl at her insistence.
- At the first quarrel, she runs to mommy.
- The guy literally on the second date runs to acquaint the girl with the parent. This is because her approval is important to him.
If it so happened, and you realized that next to you you have not an adult independent man, but a person depending on your mother's opinion, then you need to decide what to do in such a situation.
- Don't try to turn your spouse against your mother. It is possible that he will choose her.
- Avoid conflict. Better to say that you respect your father-in-law, but do not agree with her definite opinion.
- Try not to nag your husband, otherwise you will definitely become a bad daughter-in-law.
- Praise your husband when friends and family are present.
- Make sure that your mother-in-law becomes your ally, not a rival. Do not forget to praise her for giving you such a spouse.
- Sometimes a girl needs to become observant, watch how her mother-in-law communicates with her husband, and try to adopt her model of behavior.
- If you notice that your spouse is annoying in your mother, then do not repeat her mistakes yourself.
- Try to tear your husband away from your mother’s skirt by moving to another city or at least a district. It doesn't always work, though. The woman can go with you or will visit you every day.
- You can try to create conditions under which the husband will be forced to get used to independence. For example, instructing him to go shopping or pay utility bills.
Accept what you have, you yourself have chosen such a fate, you have seen whom you married. The psychologist's advice boils down to letting go of the situation. There is no need to try to resist the mother-in-law, just waste your nerves. Decide that in your family you will be the main thing in the house, not your spouse. Hear it in your nose that quarrels and unflattering statements about his mother will only lead to even greater problems in the family. Build friendships, adopt the mother-in-law's communication model with her son, she knows exactly what is best for him. If you are not ready to live with such a person, it is better to let go. Perhaps he is not who you want.
Women are destined to be a loving mother. But overprotection very often leads to the fact that the little boy never becomes a reliable and grown-up man. It is difficult for him to build relationships with the opposite sex, because women are afraid of such guys.
As a rule, girls notice that their chosen one is under their mother's "cap" as soon as they start a relationship with a man. She constantly calls him, monitors every step, interrogates what he ate for breakfast and what time he went to bed. Mom bombards him with requests, gives instructions and does not even ask if he has free time.
The main indicator is the reaction of a man. If he is ready to put aside all his plans and rush through the whole city to his mother in order to change her phone settings or fulfill another trifling request, then it is worth considering. Here is the classic "mama's boy".
Such a man is distinguished by irresponsibility, inability to make decisions. This is not surprising, because he was always controlled by his mother. In everyday life, he is absolutely helpless, but in his career he can achieve success.
“Mama's Sons” often get married quite late. The prospects for marriage are minimal, because the mother will "open the eyes" of her child to his wife - she takes care of him badly, does not protect and does not appreciate. Whether it's a mother, she will give everything to make her son happy.
Such a man regularly tells his wife about his mother. He knows what she thinks about this or that situation, constantly worries so as not to upset her. A dangerous symptom is when your chosen one transfers everything to his mother. As a rule, she then shows her daughter-in-law her "competence" by adding a few scathing remarks.
Dependent men often live with their mother. They do not know how to take care of themselves and do not want to take responsibility. Even if the "boy" began to live separately, his mother is most likely a frequent visitor to his apartment.
Another feature is that they do not like scandals. Not because they are peaceful, they simply do not know how to stand up for themselves. The problem is that the mother did not want to bring up a personality in her son - it was not profitable for her. It is convenient for her to manage the child without her own opinion.
What will such a relationship with a man bring?
Women should not indulge in the hope that her chosen one will change and your relationship will improve. It is important to understand that a potential mother-in-law will invisibly always be there. She will tell you where to rest, how to spend money, and when to go to bed. She will once again have an impact on her son, and he will habitually listen to her, even if there is a serious relationship with the chosen one.
The psychology of "mama's son" is such that a wife will never be an ideal for him. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will always cook, wash, clean worse than his mother. If you see dignity in your chosen one and are ready to fight for him, then the recommendations and advice of doctors in the field of psychology will be useful to you.
It is very difficult to build a relationship with a man who has not matured. It is almost impossible to re-educate a person and change the scheme that he perceives as the only correct one.
Unfortunately, sometimes women realize that their chosen one is under the influence of the mother, only after the wedding. In this case, you have three options: accept, fight, or leave.
Leaving it as it is is the worst option. You can never live in peace, because the mother-in-law will always "penetrate" into the relationship. She perceives you as a competitor, so by any means she will influence her son, directing him to where it is beneficial to her. In any conflict, the spouse will support the mother - a woman who is aware of her worth is unlikely to be able to come to terms with this.
A marriage can have a favorable outcome if a woman is successful and self-sufficient. She is able to take care of herself and does not pay attention to all the features of her husband. The ideal option is when the wife is older. She indulges all the whims of her husband, and for him this situation is quite familiar, he is comfortable in the state of a "boy".
It is advisable to give birth to a child from such a man only if you yourself can provide it. "Mama's son" will not be able to take responsibility and his participation in upbringing will be minimal.
In addition, there are other pitfalls in a relationship with a man. When the wife devotes all her free time to the children, the "boy" will be offended that he is not given enough attention. If you ignore the claims, the “boy” will go to his mother for support or find a new “nanny”.
If you decide to build a serious relationship, first of all, you should make friends with your mother-in-law. It may seem impossible, but you have no other choice. The relationship with the "boy" will be promising only when his mother allows him to be with you.
Never forbid your husband to communicate with your mother. You should not show dissatisfaction with her words, actions and moral teachings. Always praise your mother-in-law, show that she is an authority for you.
If your husband's mother gave you valuable instructions on any issue, and as a result, nothing good came of it, then with bewilderment notice that you acted on her prompting. Be a bit of an actress - playing will help you iron out rough edges and keep a serious relationship.
Your task is to convince your mother-in-law that you are her ally. Then she will allow you to make some decisions on your own. But you must understand that your husband will never become the head of the family - he will live with an eye on you. If you want to continue the relationship, then get ready for the fact that you will "pull" them.
To achieve your goal in a relationship with a man who is under the "cap" of your mother, you need to act gently and diplomatically. When the "boy" does not want to take responsibility, you must create the conditions for him to do so. Give him receipts for utilities, ask him to pick up your coat from the dry-cleaner, delegate him the authority to buy groceries - he will gradually socialize.
In order for a relationship with a man to be promising, immediately prioritize and stipulate the conditions for living together. Your chosen one should understand that he will not be able to lie on the couch while you earn money, cook his favorite meals and wash his shirts. If you allow him to enjoy the merits and benefits that you create, then soon the husband will become your “son”.
If you manage to convey to your spouse that he is no longer a little boy, then he will try to make decisions on his own and grow up. Perhaps he will like his new state, and he will learn to live without psychological pressure from his mother and be able to build a serious relationship.
Valeria Protasova
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Every woman develops her own image of the ideal, the best man in childhood. Growing up, one girl sees her future half of the macho from the coast of Italy, the other as a Russian hero, the third as a sensitive knight, etc. But each wants her man to be confident, courageous and strong. Read,. Of course, when it suddenly turns out that your half is a mama's son, there is little joy. How to determine if a man is a mama's son, or is he just a caring son? And what if this is still the first option?
Who is mama's boy?
How to determine if a man is a mama's son or just a good son
Unlike just caring sons, mama's son always puts his mother on a "pedestal", idealizing her in every sense and maintaining complete dependence on her.
What if, by all accounts, your man is a mama's son?
What if a man is a mama's boy?
- If you decide to connect your life with this person, prepare for the fact that you must become the best substitute for his mom's golden hands... See also:.
- Tell him about the "three whales" of your family happiness: that is, he must respect you, not put mother's principles above your family, not interfere with it in your life.
- Explain your position in advance - what you need a real man, not a muslin girl.
- Try to solve all problems and issues in the family "in hot pursuit"- before he turns to his mother for help.
- Limit his communication with mom to the maximum.... As far as it's possible. Not a requirement, but circumstances. Leave to travel more often by turning off your mobile phones. Move to live “closer to the sea”, because “the climate is better there, but your health is weak,” etc.
- If you have children - often leave him alone with the children... Let him learn to look after them on his own.
If you cannot change the situation and are not able to come to terms with it, then there is no point in harassing yourself and hoping that the man will grow up, or the mother-in-law will lag behind you. Pack your things and leave. If you really have an important place in his life, then he will do everything to get you back and fix the situation .
Valeria Protasova
Psychologist with more than three years of practical experience in social psychology and pedagogy. Psychology is my life, my job, my hobby and lifestyle. I am writing what I know about. I believe that human relationships are important in all areas of our life.
Share with your friends and rate the article:Perhaps there is no woman who would not be fascinated by a man who loves and respects his mother. We all understand that this is the first woman in his life, so the behavior towards her will later be reflected in the attitude towards other women. But a man's mother's son is a separate (and sad) story. Here are the signs that allow you to understand that it is he who is in front of you.
Courteous and ... dangerous
Many men have a wonderful relationship with their mother, and many show concern and gratitude for her in the usual ways. At the same time, mama's little sons put her on a pedestal, undeservedly idealize her and completely depend on her. It would seem that it is not the biggest male flaw. But why, then, on women's forums there are a lot of requests for advice and desperate remarks like “My husband is a mama’s son, an egoist and a rag”, “Mine never listens to me, it feels like this mama’s son is sleeping with his mother, he does everything, what will she say! " etc. etc.? Why are so many girls looking for quotes and statuses about mothers' sons for social networks in order to express everything that is boiling in their souls?
Yes, mama's boy will easily charm you with his kindness, politeness and respect for the fair sex. But to be in the first place on the list of the most important women in his life is almost impossible. Surely this place will forever be staked out for your mother-in-law. Not the most attractive prospect, is it? Fortunately, if a man is a mama's son, there are signs by which it is possible, without entering into an official relationship, to recognize a man who is too dependent on his mother.
We will expose those who will hold on to their mother's skirt all their lives
Mommy's son sign # 1. He quotes his mother too often in your private conversations.
How often does he begin his speech with the phrase "My mother always said that ..."? A sissy man won't surprise you with a romantic quote from a famous person. But he will constantly insert into your conversations to a place and not to a place the thoughts of his mother, because she always knows everything better than anyone else.
Mommy's son sign # 2. Her name is at the top of the list of phone calls.
Yes, indeed, men who have a very warm relationship with their mothers show more respect and understanding towards the weaker sex. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with a close relationship between mother and son - but only if it is within the normal range! If your chosen one constantly hangs on the phone, and in most cases his mother is on the other end of the line, then he probably belongs to the category of mother's sons. The mothers of these men should know everything about him (and not only), they track every step of their sons. Perhaps, in the future, such a strong connection between them will become an obstacle and a source of irritation for you.
Sign of a mummy son number 3. His mother is devoted to the details of your personal and even intimate life
Between a man and a woman in a love union there are secrets, their own small intimate moments. Problems arise when a third party appears in the relationship - the mother. Mom's son has no secrets from her, she knows everything, she knows about your every romantic gesture, any intimate problem. You may not feel it early in the relationship, but the intervention of a third party is slowly breaking the bond.
Mommy's son sign # 4. Even his underwear goes through her hands.
The psychology of mothers' sons is such that they never grow up and do not want this. They always count on the mother to take care of his affairs, about his things, and not lift a finger when it comes to doing homework. Even washing their own underwear is not their responsibility. It remains only to sympathize with women, whose husband is a mama's son. If they want to stay with this person for the rest of their lives, they will have to be an ideal replacement for a hardworking and caring mother in everything.
Mommy's son sign # 5. He always takes her side.
A man who has a very close relationship with his mother will never put you first. If he ever has to choose whose feelings to sacrifice, then, undoubtedly, the choice will not be made in your favor with the words "She is my mother." Even if he knows that mom is wrong, he will still defend her categorically, no matter what: this is the psychology of mama's son.
Mommy's son sign # 6. Compares you to your mother in everything
Does he constantly compare you? Do you often hear from him: “But my mom cooked differently” or “My mom washed it by hand, not in the machine”? A man - a sissy boy will compare all your actions with how his mother did it, and you can be sure: from his point of view, you will never do everything as well as she did.
Mommy's son sign No. 7. Her wishes are the law for him
Mommy's son will not hesitate to ruin your joint plans if his mother needs it. Each of her wishes will be fulfilled with lightning speed and will never allow you to get in the way of its realization.
Mommy's son sign # 8. He avoids conflicts and difficult situations.
Such a person almost never resists anything. He is like the fire afraid of conflicts with you and tries to avoid them at any cost, as he once avoided confrontation with his mother. When you have a problem to solve, a mama's husband is like a child who has done something bad. Throughout his life, a representative of this male breed tries not to anger the mother, therefore he is used to prudently silent during an argument.
Mommy's son sign No. 9. An independent solution is a big problem for him
A person who has built a healthy relationship with his mother knows how to say no and push it. If the partner next to you blindly follows the mother's advice only because “she knows better” and her word is law, unfortunately, you are dealing with a mama's boy. Such individuals are usually psychologically immature. They never make independent decisions, and even the simplest problems cannot be solved by them without consulting their mother.
Mom's son sign number 10. And at 30 he lives with his mother, is financially dependent on her
Mama's pet is in no hurry to grow, become independent, including financially, even when the age comes, when it is time to start your own family. He cannot even imagine living separately from his mother, and if he lives alone, then, of course, only a few tens of meters from his parent's home. Such people often do not work because they are always waiting for something else to get a suitable position. They often aim directly at the director's chair, because their mother deserves it!
If you also saw these signs of a mama's boy in your partners, then the choice - to run or stay - is yours. When you build tactics of behavior with such a man, take it for granted: you will not be able to reorient him from his mother to yourself.
