Qualities of people who are capable of creating long-term relationships. There are only twelve of these qualities, but they do not have a hierarchy and each of them is equally important.
This is a synopsis of an audio book in English by Doctor Clarissa Pinkola Estes "How to love a woman" - writes in his blog ayuthaya. The book is very interesting in general, but this chapter seemed to me especially relevant, and it may be useful to many. She herself translated this and not literal, and not particularly literary translation, although it is quite close to the original text.
So, the chapter is about the qualities of people who are capable of creating long-term relationships. There are only twelve of these qualities, but they do not have a hierarchy and each of them is equally important.
How to choose a partner for a long-term relationship?
- Choose a person as if you were blind. Close your eyes and feel that you are thinking of this person. About his kindness, loyalty, discernment, devotion, about his ability to take care of you and take care of himself as an independent being. Although the characteristics of our culture affect a lot and what we see with our outer gaze is very important, it is much more important what we see and perceive with our inner gaze when our eyes are closed.
- There is one major difference between a person who is capable of becoming a long-term partner and someone who is only capable of being a short-term partner. And this distinctive feature is the ability to learn. There is a Spanish saying that "the one who is not able to learn is the most intolerant." The one who is not able to learn a new way of looking at things, who is not able to see the familiar in a new light, who is not curious about the world and how it works, how people are arranged, very often closes and says “no, everything can be only this way or that way ”. For a long-term relationship, it is best to choose someone who is able to be open. Not always open, of course. But with someone who can open and close, open and close again, gradually learning and developing.
- Choose someone who wants to be just like you: both strong and sensitive (gentle). The qualities that are sometimes characteristic of women are strength and fragility. The power that a tree possesses. It can be hit by strong winds, but due to its flexibility, it will move with the wind. If it doesn't bend, it will break. Sensitivity refers to the ability to be alive and perceive what is happening around. Some people need a little help with this. But more often, in the mind or even somewhere in the depths of the soul - people are already like that - awakened and alive, they just have difficulties in expressing it. And therefore, point two is again so important - the ability to learn. You can have tremendous potential to be both kind and loving and loyal and generally to be the best lover ever known to mankind, but if you do not learn and develop this potential, then nothing will happen.
- Choose someone who shows that he is in pain if you hurt him. And vice versa as well. Choose someone who, having hurt you, also sees your pain and regrets it. It is very important. There are many ways that people express their pain - someone withdraws into themselves at the slightest problem. Especially extroverts are very annoyed when their partner closes in himself, but you need to understand that this is just a way of expressing pain and as long as a person is ready to do something and gradually get out of this state in some reasonable time, then everything will be in order. What really should be of concern is the lack of reaction if you have acted unkindly or somehow wrongly towards your partner. This means that either something is wrong with the functions of the senses of this person or that he has already abandoned you. and put an end to your relationship and that he will no longer allow himself to be alive and real in your presence. Because many of us go through different relationships before we find someone we want to be with for the rest of our lives, many of us are already traumatized by previous relationships that start with high expectations and end with disappointment. So there is a very high likelihood of meeting someone who has already been traumatized by previous negative relationship experiences to one degree or another. And because of this, the ability to show your pain and the ability to feel someone else's pain is so important. In the nature of relationships, there are times when people create tension or even hurt each other. This cannot be completely avoided. But it doesn't have to be constantly hitting the same sore spot over and over again. In previous relationships, people sometimes build up a lot of anger that hasn't had a chance to manifest and sometimes their need to hurt or hurt a new partner can be heightened. But they must be able to stop themselves when they see it hurting another person.
- Choose someone who has an inner life of his own. It doesn't matter if it's woodcarving, herbariums, writing, religion, meditation, or whatever they like to do. Choose those who go their own way and perceive you as a partner and fellow traveler on this journey. These people have the ability to connect with others, but at the same time remain separate and this is a very important quality. Relationships have their own cycles and rhythms, and in a relationship there is a time when it is necessary to connect with another into one whole, and there is a time when it is necessary to be far from each other, while the connection that exists between you can stretch in time and at any distance, but it should not be completely destroyed. Such a relationship is appropriate. A relationship in which the connection falls apart in any case or in which there is no connection and coincidence of rhythms is not something to strive for.
- Choose someone who shares your passions. Relationships to create shared memories. It's like a savings account. You do something together, it is stored in your memory and becomes the glue that holds you together. You pull these memories out in order to remember happy moments. And if there are no such pleasant memories, then it will be very difficult to go through difficult times together. Of course, any relationship is based on mutual support, but at the same time, everyone still solves their own problems in their world, so it is so necessary to have some very simple general activities and it should be something more than joint brushing in the morning.
- Choose someone who shares your values. With regard to children, the number of family members, gender roles, money, religion, etc., etc. As you can imagine, this is the ideal case. In reality, it is unlikely that people can completely coincide on absolutely all points. Not always and not in everything, and certainly not at the very beginning of a relationship. But you can always see in which direction the relationship is developing. Shared values help reduce the tensions that arise in the course of a relationship. And it is advisable to discuss issues of common values before entering into a long-term relationship. While we certainly want magical emotions from a relationship filled with romance and eroticism, we must also approach them pragmatically. With a pragmatic approach, it is much easier to get through difficult moments.
- Choose someone who is able to empathize. Someone who wants and can listen. Someone who is willing to equally spend their time on you. Especially if you are an easily excitable person, and your partner is not as excitable as you are, then gradually his calm rhythm will be transmitted to you, and it will benefit you. In the same way, and vice versa, a relaxed partner, when interacting with a faster one, will also accelerate in some moments and this will lead to general harmony and the establishment of a rhythm between the two. According to the author's observations, this rhythm within a couple evens out after about 9 years of marriage. Everything takes time.
- Choose someone who can laugh at themselves. The value isn't just about making a partner laugh at himself. But also in the fact that you yourself can laugh at yourself or at some kind of joke even at the moment of the most heated dispute during the conflict. The importance here lies in the interaction and how you feel around the person, even during an argument. Being able to laugh at yourself at such a moment is a real gift. But even if, for example, your partner does not really like to joke, then pay attention to how much he is able to stop a heated argument at the most difficult moment. This takes practice, because in each of us there is something that, at the moment of an argument, seeks to bring all relationships to naught and you need to be able to resist this. This is a very important skill. And it's good if your partner has this quality. If not, then we return to point 2 (the ability to learn). And you yourself must also have the ability to stop yourself at the hottest moment of the argument, apologize or say to yourself “okay, let's say I was wrong, but I'll apologize later, when I calm down”. You yourself should be able to do this too.
- The ability to "wrap around" some of the shortcomings and characteristics. Those qualities (minor flaws) that once attracted us to a partner will later become the most annoying for us. Recalling his first marriage, Dr. Estes says that her ex-husband had a habit of rattling trifles in his pocket, which seemed to her simply charming, but two years later this same habit lost all its charm and began to be associated with a bell on a cow's neck :)) in general, know in advance what you can accept, and what not. And don't be seduced by the thought that what seems annoying to others is actually cute just because HE or She has this habit. If it's some kind of huge annoying habit or a serious flaw, then don't flatter yourself - it will never be nice. For example, alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, illegal activities and everything that takes a person away from him, from the life of his soul is absolutely unbearable for any relationship, be it marriage or business partnerships. A person who is not able to tell the truth, to repent, a person who cannot admit his mistake and instead tries to disguise it in some very cunning way or hide it - puts the relationship on very shaky ground.
- You should not only love each other, but also be friends. This manifests itself in whether you want to do for your partner, what you do for your friend - that is, do you want to sit and listen to him, are you ready to talk about what he wants to talk about, do what he wants to do ... This does not mean that you must satisfy absolutely all of his requirements and needs. Of course they shouldn't. But on a regular basis and to one degree or another - yes, absolutely. And when you think about what you are ready to do for your friends and how willing you are to do it for your loved one, it clarifies a lot.
- Perhaps the most important quality that logically follows from the previous ones. Make sure whoever you choose makes your life bigger, not less (better, not worse). This will tell you everything you need to know.
“You ruined my whole life”, “you ruined my young years” - familiar expressions? People tend to look for the culprit in a failed fate and, of course, he is - a partner.
Indeed, a partner can become both a catalyst for your development and its main brake. He can give support, awaken forces and talents that you did not even suspect in yourself, but he can completely ruin, destroy your potential, trample the best that nature has laid in you.
Of course, I would like to think that everything is in our hands, however, forming a couple, and then a family, we still partly entrust ourselves into the hands of another person, trust him, we enter a system where everyone depends on each other and influences each other ...
Exactly
therefore, the choice of a partner, life partner is the most important choice in a person's life.
Often couples turn their lives into hard labor, not because one of the partners is guilty and acting maliciously, but because they both made the wrong choice, fatally made a mistake in each other, and now their union becomes disastrous for both. Such fatal mistakes happen and quite often. It is painful, almost impossible to recognize them. It is easier sometimes to pull the strap of a dreary family life, disfiguring my psyche, making both children and a partner unhappy, than to admit: yes, I was blind, this is my mistake, and I have to correct it.
A stable family, a long union is not always a happy family.
I have almost no clients who came from single-parent families, where, for example, a mother, having decided to divorce her alcoholic husband, raised a child alone, overcoming lack of money and other difficulties.
But those who came out of full families, where their parents tormented and hated each other throughout their lives, are enough.
An unhappy family, as a rule, is based on the initial deep incompatibility of partners. Their whole family life is a continuous adjustment of each other, difficult compromises, dissatisfaction, anger. Strong social attitudes and stereotypes hold these people together. Marriage becomes a prison for everyone, and separation for them is the only way to break free.
There are several levels of compatibility between partners. 1. Sexual / Physical As animals sniff each other, performing ritual mating dances, people evaluate a partner initially on a physical level.
Even if all the movements are not so obvious, and when we meet, we do not push each other's nose under the tails, but we have not gone so far from nature: we still have the first acceptance of a partner at the level of sensations: smell, touch, glance.
You should like how your partner smells, what his hands are, how he sleeps and breathes, how he feels, how he eats and how his ears move while chewing.
What does this have to do with sex?
The most direct: if this is not the case, the desire will not arise, your libido will sleep, curled up in a ball, and sex, most likely, will not happen, and if it does, then its most important component: spontaneous, animal, when you turn off your head and give yourself up to the whole process creature, will remain inaccessible to you.
This level of compatibility is absolutely essential. You will not be able to deceive your libido. People say: endure, fall in love. This is definitely not about sex. Rather, it is about his absence. However, sexual or physical compatibility is a necessary condition for creating a family, but completely insufficient. It's just what is on the surface: either it is or not. But this level is, unfortunately, very unstable and easily destructible. For example, if there is no personal compatibility between partners.
2.Personal compatibility level
These include: temperament, character accentuations, whether you are introvert or extrovert.
We all have features. And at some point, these features of ours can become unacceptable, intolerable character traits for our partner.
Moreover, they become such exactly when the sexual tension between you naturally decreases (which is inevitable) and what previously seemed acceptable begins to irritate and tire, passing into the category of unbearable.
For example, a wife loves to receive guests. She is happy when children play and laugh in the house, relatives come. All this annoys my husband and every year more and more. The maximum of his tolerance: to go out and say hello to relatives, but over time, this begins to annoy and break him.
It is a natural need for a wife to be among people and to communicate; she perceives her relatives and friends as a part of herself and considers her husband's neglect of them as a personal insult, disrespect, self-dislike.
The level of tolerance for each other is growing over the years, but grievances, these time mines, accumulate.
Who is right or wrong here? No one. It's just that an introvert has met an extrovert, and it is almost impossible for them to adapt and understand each other without mutual losses.
Here's another story: “My husband earns good money. I work too. However, every night we sit in the kitchen and I present him with the full financial statement for the day with all the checks. He has such a tradition from his parental family. Twenty rubles were missing yesterday. I didn’t sleep all night, I wondered where I was doing this check and I was shaking with hatred of my husband. I still have before my eyes his long fingers, sorting through checks and receipts. He says that he cares about us so much and does not understand why I cannot sleep with him, with such a greedy and petty one. How disgusting he is to me ... "
This is just the case when personal incompatibility destroys sexual (the couple's relationship just began with intense sex).
General dissatisfaction with each other, accumulated irritation, penetrate the bedroom and finish off sexual desire.
Who is to blame here? Again, nobody. Generosity and stinginess collided. If a man met a woman with the same attitude to money as his, they would not have these problems.
3. The level of spiritual compatibility.
Of course, the couple should have a general idea of how the family as a whole and each one individually will develop, a general strategy for life. If you dream of a career and feel a great potential in yourself, for example, a lawyer or astrophysicist, or an actress, then it is unlikely that you will get along with a house builder who will dictate your daily routine and put you at home to give birth and raise children. everyone living, and your partner considers charity to be a whim of "the fat of the raging", and these are your principal positions with him - rather, your union is doomed, no matter how wonderful you are in sex for each other.
4. The level of social (cultural) compatibility.
Choosing a partner is a very important step in the life of every person, but deciding on it, people face various difficulties and problems. The main and most common problem is a vague understanding of what you really want from a partner and relationship.
What is the purpose?
First of all, you need to determine for what purpose the future partner is selected, this is the focus on long-term and permanent relationships, potentially turning into a family or a frivolous short-term relationship. With the latter, everything is much simpler, because in this case there is no significant role in whether the views of both on life and many other personal characteristics coincide. But if the main goal is to find a person for life, then this issue should be approached with utmost responsibility.
Choosing the most suitable partner for a relationship starts with understanding the main: the creation of a strong union is possible only if its goal is a common desire for both trusting and close relationships, the creation of a family. It is necessary to clearly determine which qualities of the companion are most important, and what is unacceptable in a relationship. Do not expect that a person who today neglects such values as loyalty and sincerity will change tomorrow and everything will be perfect in a relationship. It would be more correct to choose a person who initially shares the views of another on the same things.
The main principles of choice
When choosing a life partner, you need to understand that ideal people do not exist. If there is a certain standard in a person's imagination - a woman or a man of dreams, this is good on the one hand, there is a clear direction of movement, a certain framework, but if these frameworks are the ultimate border of what is permitted, and any discrepancy with them automatically cuts off everyone who is at least a little out of them fits, then the search for a suitable satellite will be endless. There is nothing difficult in a condescending attitude towards any minor character flaws, because all people have some shortcomings and you need to learn to understand this in relation to not only those around you, but also yourself.
Watch also the free webinar "How to choose the right partner for a relationship" by Denis Burkhaev.
To avoid disappointment in your choice, you need to adhere to certain principles:
- Comfort. It should be comfortable and pleasant with a partner, both morally and physically. A good union will only work when people enjoy being with each other.
- Communication quality. It is impossible to imagine the relationship of partners without constant and productive communication. In communicating with each other, the couple solves all questions and problems, which, if ignored and not discussed, develop into a serious threat to further relations.
- Acceptance of each other's characteristics. Only by objectively perceiving all the personality traits of partners, the relationship will be harmonious and problems in understanding each other will be minimized.
In general terms, adherence to these principles will help you understand the key points of a successful relationship and help you make the right choice, but you also need to take into account other features that guarantee the best results in choosing a life partner, the most significant are given below:
Mutual respect is one of the main pillars on which strong relationships of trust are held. In choosing the right person, this criterion should not be underestimated. It is also important in any human relationship and the ability to make concessions. The ability to accept a compromise position in a conflict or just an ambiguous situation means that a person takes into account the opinion of another, and can sacrifice his point of view, put his interests below the interests of a partner in the name of maintaining good relations. Willingness to compromise and compliance is a significant plus when choosing a life partner.
The sensual side of relationships is of great importance in people's lives. It is important that partners are sexually compatible, have a sincere interest in each other and a desire to give pleasure.
The desire to make the life of another better
In relationships, everyone should strive to make the life of their companion better than it was before, better than yesterday, and tomorrow - better than today. It is important that this lofty and noble desire is two-sided. Therefore, when choosing a potential husband or wife, one should recognize whether a person is ready to live not only for his own pleasure, but also by all means try to bring as much good as possible into the life of a partner.
Finding the right pair to create a strong and happy family is a very difficult task and it does not always work out quickly. But a sincere desire and a certain knowledge of the practical and theoretical aspects of successful long-term relationships will help to choose a worthy life partner and keep the relationship.
Dreaming of a future happy family life, at the very first stages it is important to choose the right partner. At this moment, you need to be attentive to your own thoughts, feelings, sensations. If you are wondering how to choose a man, then it is worth determining what you expect from a potential husband and what you are ready to accept. A life partner is not just a husband, but also a friend, the future father of your children, support and support. Considering the possible disadvantages, pay attention to the merits. So what is important to choose?
How to choose the right one out of two partners
Some girls are tormented by the question of how to choose one man from the two partners they meet. To choose a life partner, let go of emotions, consider the two candidates impartially, objectively, strictly. Remember that moral qualities and character are much more important than appearance. The choice should be made in favor of a stronger partner, a winner among two.
Family life is very different from the period of falling in love and courtship. To choose the right partner, remember that a husband must have the following qualities:
- patience - in order to calmly experience some of the features of a woman's character;
- wisdom - to make decisions according to which the family will be strengthened, and not vice versa;
- hard work - to carry out numerous tasks around the house without unnecessary complaints;
- loyalty, willingness to make compromises and concessions - so that a woman feels like she is behind a stone wall;
- the ability to provide for the family at the proper level.
To make your choice, consider each in turn according to these criteria. Try to be with your chosen one in different situations and take off your rose-colored glasses in order to look at reality, because you are choosing a partner in your life, and the mistake will cost a lot.
Also consider that the chosen companion could be the father of your children. Will he be reasonably strict, will he become a caring, good dad? Do his character traits indicate his ability to be a father? To choose a man, you can make a list of the positive and negative qualities of each - this will not let you get confused.
How to choose a man for a successful marriage
To choose a partner, a woman should first take a closer look at his family. We adopt the ideals and foundations of the family, as well as the behavior of our parents. From an early age, the child imitates his mother and father, learns from them. Get to know the man's parents if you want to understand him better.
An important aspect in choosing a guy is the presence of common interests, hobbies, the similarity of everyday behavior. Simply put, you shouldn't be bored together. If you like active pastime, and the guy is lying in front of the TV, then it becomes clear that a happy future with this person does not await you.
How to choose a man for yourself? It is important to know the sexual temperament of a man, which will be tested experimentally. The pleasure in this matter should be inexhaustible and mutual. A man's attitude towards money also tells a lot about character. The partner should be thrifty, responsible, but at the same time generous in relation to the woman, this will come in handy in the family. A man should also know what he wants from life.
The best qualities of a man for a family
How to choose a partner and not be mistaken? Below is an approximate list of those qualities that a man must have in order to choose the right one:
- A responsibility. A grown man has a sense of duty to a woman. He is looking for ways to protect the family from troubles, to provide for it. A wise partner will never be dependent on a woman, if he does not find a successful vacancy, he is ready to unload the carriages, if only it brings some money.
- Decency. A real man will not reproach, insult, humiliate a woman, argue against older people, offend the weak and the younger, assert himself at the expense of others.
- Unselfishness. A man should be able to benefit society without paying attention to gaining his own benefit.
- Wisdom. The ability to forgive, smooth over sharp corners, suggest is a value in terms of family life.
- Self-control. The ability to control oneself is one of the first places when choosing a man.
- The ability to negotiate, give in, understand, help like a man in everything is the key to a happy life.
Traits of unsuitable men
To choose the right and suitable man, you need to evaluate your partner at the moment, not in perspective. Remember, people rarely change. Because of the increased degree of romance at the beginning of a relationship, we easily rush into the abyss of passion, not paying attention to such points in the long term as the possibility of personal development and compatibility.
- In order to choose the appropriate option, avoid candidates with serious character flaws, because this is the foundation of personality, the result of thousands of decisions that have formed from a person who he is at the moment.
- Men with bad habits also need to be weeded out. Chronic addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling controls a person's life and leaves an imprint on the one who is with him.
- Those men who do not have ambition should be left urgently. Such candidates do not strive for anything, do not care about material wealth, which causes tension and stress in the relationship. An intelligent woman will always distinguish a man who is lazy and unmotivated from one who is in harmony with himself.
- The social circle of a man characterizes him in many ways. Some try to believe that the beloved is not like his friends. But in most cases, your chosen one is just trying to seem better, and we actually look a lot like friends.
- To choose the right partner, beware of significant differences in lifestyle if you want to live with him for many years.
- If your partner doesn't turn you on, then don't choose such a man. Give up closeness if the attraction on the physical level does not come. Sex is an important part of the life of a woman and her chosen one in the family.
- Be careful with your height: a man who is too tall will look very contrasting if the woman is petite (although this rule is not necessary to follow if you are ready to laugh it off from friends and acquaintances who drew attention to this feature of the couple).
Psychological test: what kind of man do you need
The answer to the question of how to choose a suitable candidate can be given by the following test. What do you expect from men?
- What actions do you expect from your man when you are sad:
A - will be able to determine the cause and eliminate it;
B - a distracting maneuver from sadness on the part of a man;
B - manifestations of tenderness;
G - be able to make laugh;
D - leave you alone with yourself.
- In a quarrel with a friend, how can a man help?
A - will reconcile you with a friend by calling her;
B - will explain to you the reasons for the quarrel;
B - be able to console;
G - will arrange a party for you and make peace;
D - will say that everything will pass.
- How should a man behave when you cannot choose your outfit?
A - to say that I am ready to buy all the outfits that I like;
B - give advice on choosing a dress;
B - to make a compliment so that you are always beautiful;
G - laugh at a woman's quirk;
D - wait for your choice calmly.
- What actions do you expect from a man during a general cleaning:
A - move furniture;
B - starts wiping books and reads alone;
B - will not allow you to do hard work;
G - will not allow cleaning on a holiday;
D - will do everything completely to the end.
- What game would you play as a man?
A - sea battle;
B - chess;
B - strip cards;
G - role-playing game;
D - tic-tac-toe.
- What shouldn't a man do? The wrong gift in your understanding looks like this:
A - food processor;
B - book;
B - serenade under the balcony;
Г - concert ticket;
D - money.
- If you are in the hospital, what shouldn't your man do?
A - turn the entire compartment upside down;
B - read information about your disease and tell you about it;
B - to give a lot of flowers and gifts;
D - to spend time with friends in your absence;
D - visit you, as expected, but silently sit by the bed.
- During a fight, the guy doesn't want to listen to you. What actions or words will make you swear further?
A - an attempt to hug tightly;
B - mention of PMS;
B - a compliment about your beauty when you are angry;
G - a proposal to forget about everything and dance;
D - unwillingness to talk to you in person, sitting at the computer.
- What mistake do you think a man should not make when meeting his parents?
A - give advice to your father regarding repairs;
B - talk long and tediously about your favorite movie;
B - excessive manifestation of love for you and respect for your mother;
D - interrupting the parents' conversation with a proposal to tell an even more funny story;
D - silence and reticence.
Type A (most answers are A) - a man is like a stone wall: he makes money, fixes everything in the apartment, you can lean on your elbows without hesitation and fall asleep. Reliable and irreplaceable in case of trouble. However, it has one drawback - predictability. Next to him, a woman likes to feel fragile, defenseless, dream of a happy family. But some ladies may not be ready to give the leading role to a man, when they are used to deciding for themselves.
Type B (most answers are B) - intellectual: constantly thinks, reasoning, very smart, can give explanations on any question. Its plus is intelligence, and its minus is corrosiveness. Next to such a man, expect help if you dream of writing a dissertation, understanding art, or studying something. However, for women who like to manage, or who like it when everything is simple and fun, this type is not suitable.
Type B (most answers are B) is a romantic. The obvious advantages of a man are tenderness, dreaminess, but monotony interferes. This type of man will appeal to princesses, who are sure that the rest should guess their desires. But a romantic may not be a king, but a page, some of whose features will dispel all the pink haze of romance. Such partners repulse women who are accustomed to seeing a man as a real man, and not as a gentle weakling. But it may be that romantics are capable of harsh adventures.
Imagine: you've built a strong business with loyal, satisfied customers, a great reputation, and a solid team. There is now an opportunity for growth by acquiring additional businesses or by merging with another business that complements and brings in new ideas. Companies make many important decisions during the acquisition process, the first of which is the selection of a financial intermediary at the time of the transaction.
Of course, each entrepreneur has his own selection criteria. However, the most successful approach is also to assess who can offer the best overall banking relationship for the company. Buying a business is not a linear transaction like buying a car or a 3D printer.
This is one of the most important decisions a businessman makes, and the choice of how to align the buy or merger process has a huge impact on the future success of the company. This is where banking comes into play - anyone can close a deal, but not everyone can choose the one that's right for you and your business.
If your company is looking for a potential banking partner, you must determine the selection criteria in advance.
It goes beyond the bargain
If the only question that interests your potential partner is financial, you can safely say goodbye to him.
A truly competent partner needs to understand your vision and goals for the business and the upcoming transaction in order to structure an agreement that truly serves the long-term interests of your company. The discussion should be reliable, with a lot of questions. In particular, he should be interested in the reasons for the purchase or merger, the vision of the goals of future cooperation. Only after this does the discussion of financial issues begin, when both parties are convinced that cooperation can be beneficial to them.
The right partner can help you develop a long-term strategy to first make an acquisition, and then competently support and grow your business in order to make it successful.
He helps you expect the unexpected.
The first year after an acquisition or merger can be a period of unpleasant surprises. It is necessary to adapt to new conditions. Businessmen are especially stressed when an expensive piece of equipment breaks down or industrial or economic shifts take place beyond their control.
A good banker structures the deal, rather than tying all of the company's capital to an agreement that leaves the business in a “wiggle room” of liquidity and cash flow to deal with Year 1 problems as they arise.
He has experience
Albert Einstein said: "The only source of knowledge is experience." Bankers are deservedly considered to be more professional when they have faced many situations of mergers, acquisitions of one company by another, and transactions in various industries.
Experienced partners can tell you if you're overpaying or getting a great opportunity. They can assess your business risks and provide an audit of the achievability of your goal.
He is a professional in your field
Personal communication with partners who make any business transaction, both a merger of enterprises and the sale of one company to another, is important. Some banks only do business in certain geographic locations, some process only large or small transactions, and some specialize in specific industries.
It is important to choose the exact financial partner that specializes in business transactions like yours. The more closely your company aligns with the bank's specialization, the higher the likelihood of successful cooperation.
He's got a cold mind
They don't let your emotions hurt your business. Any change can be emotional for a business owner. In the case of both mergers and acquisitions, there is some uncertainty. There is often a desire to complete the sale immediately.
Be careful, however, with a lender who offers to waive many claims in order to speed up the process. A solid banking partner respects the emotions an entrepreneur goes through the process of closing a deal by providing unbiased guidance - often a deep dive into financial performance is key to making sure the deal is right for your organization over the long term. The extra time and patience can be frustrating and, in some cases, actually save the business.
Conclusion
Choosing the right institution to fund your merger or acquisition is a development opportunity for your company. A strong all-round relationship with an experienced banker who knows your company and wants to help it succeed is an advantage for any business. These qualities are especially valuable during a merger or acquisition, when this banker can move beyond the role of a "lender" and, along with a trusted legal adviser and accountant, will become an important part of the team.
