But marital fasting is a common church practice, a rule that must be observed, like other rules and traditions of the Church. The rules for marrying (which, by the way, are also not canons) tell us about him, because these prescriptions have only one purpose - to marry spouses on the days when marital intimacy is allowed. Because both on the days of Bright Week and on Christmastide it is quite possible to arrange feasts and indulge in festive fun. By the way, the rules about the wedding are very strictly observed. If a priest marries couples, for example, during Great Lent, this will immediately entail severe punishment from the ruling bishop. Such a priest will first be given a stern warning, and then, if he continues to practice fasting, he will be banned altogether.
Fasting in intimate relationships for spouses should be a matter of mutual consent. There can be no violence against the will of another, as the Apostle Paul tells us. Both in the times of the Apostles, and in our time, this is equally relevant, for both then and now there are a lot of marriages where one of the spouses adopted Christianity, lives the life and traditions of the Church, and the other does not yet. And for the preservation of peace and love, it is recommended to condescend to the weakness of another. The priest, when accepting confession, must be sympathetic to this. Here is another reason why there are no strict canons and penances on this score. After all, there would be a great temptation among some overly harsh confessors to show excessive severity here.
But no one canceled the marital fast, and the church wife does not need to relax and secretly rejoice that her still weak husband cannot bear the burden of fasting. Having yielded to him for the sake of peace in the family, she must strengthen her prayer for him and abstain in something else, take care of herself more strictly. She should hope that her husband will one day be able to fully fast with her.
Of course, no one can be forced to fast. But people who deny fasting (including marital fasting) themselves, oddly enough, deprive themselves of a lot. They see fasting as continuous restrictions and fetters for their freedom, unaware of the fact that fasting is an excellent tool for improvement, including in family life. The Church very wisely established the days of marital fast. Yes, sometimes it is not easy to bear, especially for young people, lenient burdens, but spouses who are not church people, who are not fasting have another, much larger problem in the intimate sphere - satiety, cooling in bodily relationships. Priests hear about this problem in confession. Some young people tell in confession what excesses they indulge in with their wife in order to somehow diversify their intimate life. They naturally break the fast. I advise such spouses to strictly observe the fasts, and then their bodily relationships will not lose their sharpness and attractiveness.
And how many adultery happens because of the chill in married life! This is especially true for men. Even if the wife has a very bright, spectacular appearance, after a while the husband, who is not accustomed to abstinence, is fed up with her, intimate life becomes insipid, and here all sorts of perversions in marital relations can begin, and then it can come to betrayal.
A satiated person always wants something new, hot. In ancient Rome, homosexuality, pedophilia, and other perversions became the norm precisely because people were completely fed up and no longer knew what else to wish for. So in an intimate life, quantity does not at all turn into quality, but on the contrary. Dale Carnegie has a not very famous book on family and marriage, published after his death. So, he writes in it that in order to keep the relationship fresh, spouses need to have sexual intercourse less often than they want.
Any spouses somehow regulate their bodily relationships, so why not use for this the days that the Church specifically established for abstinence? By the way, both priests and psychologists know that there are much fewer intimate problems and sexual disorders in Orthodox abstaining people than in non-church people.
Of course, bodily relationships between spouses are a very important component of a family union. She is an expression of their love for each other. No wonder the child is called "the fruit of love." Elder Paisius of Athos says: “A man feels a natural attraction to a woman, and a woman to a man. If it were not for this craving, then no one would ever dare to start a family. People would think about the difficulties that later await them in the family and are associated with raising children and other family affairs, and therefore would not dare to marry. " If there is no bodily relationship between a husband and wife for a long time (of course, not because of a special feat), this is a very alarming symptom, indicating that their relationship is in crisis. After all, bodily relationships are only the visible part of intimacy.
It all starts with spiritual understanding, attention of spouses to each other. And for all its importance, intimate relationships play far from the main role in marriage. Fasting is very helpful not only to maintain the freshness of bodily relations (after abstinence, spouses will always be pleasant and desirable for each other), but also helps to strengthen mental and spiritual intimacy. The relationship between husband and wife, when they do not communicate bodily, turns into a different plane. They begin to show their feelings in a different way, this is expressed in attention, understanding, communication. Fasting is an examination of what really binds us: whether spiritual, mental, or just physical intimacy; have we managed to build something, become one body and one soul, or are we only connected by carnal attraction. During the period of fasting, we begin to see our soul mate in a different light, on the other, human, friendly side, without an admixture of carnal passion.
Another important point: fasting fosters will and teaches moderation and abstinence. Indeed, in the life of a spouse there always comes a moment when bodily communication stops. For example, due to illness, pregnancy, etc. If the spouses are not used to abstinence, it will be very difficult for them to bear all this. Thus, the time of fasting and abstinence is a very good opportunity for spouses to cultivate in themselves not carnal, but real spiritual love and closeness. “Carnal love unites worldly people outwardly, only as long as they have [necessary for such love] worldly qualities. When these worldly qualities are lost, carnal love separates people, and they slide into destruction. But when there is real precious spiritual love between the spouses, then if one of them loses his worldly qualities, this will not only not separate them, but will unite them even stronger. If there is only carnal love, then the wife, having learned, for example, that her life partner looked at another woman, splashes sulfuric acid in his eyes and deprives him of his sight. And if she loves him with pure love, she experiences even greater pain for him and subtly, carefully tries to return him to the right path again, ”Elder Paisiy writes.
Fasting is a great willpower exercise. It is very important in family life to accustom yourself to discipline, to learn to control your instincts. After all, when a person does not know how to do this, how can he refrain from an indiscreet glance, flirting, and then betrayal, in our world full of temptations?
I asked a few questions about marital fasting to a practicing family psychologist Irina Anatolyevna Rakhimova... Irina Anatolyevna heads the Orthodox Family Center and has been working in the field of family psychology for over 20 years.
- Irina Anatolyevna, tell me, is it useful for spouses to temporarily abstain from bodily communication during fasting from the point of view of family psychology?
- I consider the periods of fasting established by the Church, when bodily marital relations are terminated, a very reasonable and necessary rule. In life, including family, matrimonial, there are vowels and unspoken rules. It happens in family life when spouses are forced to refrain from bodily contact.
People who have already started living with each other before marriage often come to me for consultation, in order, as it seems to them, to check whether they are suitable for each other or not. I explain to them why it is necessary to abstain before marriage: to learn to abstain in marriage. The premarital period, preparation for marriage is the time of study. And in a married life, it is very important to be able to curb the flesh, educate your feelings, will, not allow yourself everything. It is very difficult for a licentious person who is not accustomed to abstain to remain faithful.
- Yes, if people already live before marriage and have intimate relationships, I recommend checking their feelings in this way: for a while (say, two months) stop bodily relationships. And if they agree to this, then, as a rule, there are two options: either they part, if they were bound only by passion, or they get married, which I had in practice. Abstinence allows them to look at each other in a new way, to love without the admixture of passion and the game of hormones.
- Who has more problems in their intimate life: Orthodox Christians or non-church people who do not observe fasts?
- The topic of novelty in relationships is very relevant in family life. Lent very symbolically ends in the spring, when nature blooms, when the spouses re-enter bodily relationships. And after a period of fasting, joy opens up for them, and their feelings are renewed after winter. It helps to keep the relationship fresh, romantic. And for Orthodox people it is much easier to preserve this: they have a fast.
There is a very big misconception that abstinence is harmful. It is believed that everyone (including outside of marriage) should have a regular sex life, satisfy their needs: without this, they say, there will be diseases, neuroses and mental disorders. This is a big trap. All neuroses and frustrations are in the head, in the mood of a person, in what he has inspired himself. I believe that there is a great truth in the theory of sublimation. If a person does not get hung up on the topic of bodily functions and lives with restraint, he can use unspent energy to realize himself in creativity, work, scientific activity, and other areas.
I believe that a Christian, both in family life and in any other life, is always a warrior of Christ, accustomed to working on himself, a man of strong will. And in this, fasting and abstinence help us a lot. But our faith will become scarce if we give ourselves weakness, we will think about how to make our Christian life easier.
Orthodox Christians of past centuries could not even imagine that during fasting one could indulge in carnal conjugal pleasures. This idea could arise only in our time, when people are cut off from the traditions and traditions of the Church.
In conclusion, I would like to say about one danger that lies in wait for modern Orthodox Christians. When the Church was persecuted in Soviet times, the Orthodox person, willy-nilly, was in opposition to the outside world. He understood perfectly well that in no case it was impossible to live like non-Christians, not Orthodox.
“He who is not with Me is against Me (Luke 11:23),” the Savior said. Now it is very tempting to be like everyone else. Indeed, today many call themselves believers and Orthodox, which does not prevent them from having abortions, cheating on their spouses and living together outside of marriage.
I note with sorrow that many of those who came to the Church in the post-perestroika era and were zealous Orthodox Christians were very imbued with the spirit of the times. For example, not so long ago I talked with one of my acquaintances (he regularly goes to church and receives communion) about family life. And this man quite seriously argued that it is quite normal for a man and a woman to cohabit before marriage, because this way they can get to know each other better! Adultery and divorce have become more frequent, even in Orthodox families. This is all very sad. What kind of Orthodox are we after that, if we indulge the spirit of this wicked age, become infected with it, as it is sung in the famous song: "we cave in under a changeable world"? On the contrary, we must lead people, preach the truth with our lives, show that Orthodox families are strong by their traditions bequeathed to us from the holy fathers and our ancestors. Then the world will "bend under us."
To abstain or not, spouses must decide for themselves
Lent began on March 14. A time when every Orthodox Christian refuses temptation in order to fully devote himself to the spiritual principle. Limits himself to food, alcohol, entertainment. Everything is clear with lean and light food, but what about marital duties? How strict is the ban?
That is why fasting was given, in order to abstain from all pleasures for spiritual cleansing, - explains the priest of the Russian Orthodox Church Alexey Fedyanin... - During fasting, one must abstain in everything: in food, and from intimacy, and from idle pastime. But everything depends on the mutual understanding of the spouses: if scandals in the family begin from abstinence in fasting, nothing good will come of it.
Confirms that abstinence is a recommendation, but still not a strict prohibition, priest Andrey on the Orthodox portal "Great Lent". Here is what he answers the question "What if a man requires intimacy, because he himself does not fast?":
Regarding spousal abstinence apostle paul He wrote: “Husband show his wife due favor; like a wife also to a husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife. Do not deviate from each other, perhaps by agreement, for a while, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then again be together, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance ”(1 Cor., Ch. 7).
It is impossible to accept spousal duty into fasting by such a "peculiar feat", as it is sometimes advised, because spousal communication is not sinful in itself, but, on the contrary, is blessed by God. It should be fun, not forced.
In addition, the spouses themselves can and should answer such a question, guided by the words of the Apostle Paul, and not a third person, be it an acquaintance, a priest or anyone else.
Without sin
Sex outside of marriage is sinful, all major world religions agree on this. And at any time, regardless of the post. That is, sexual intercourse is not considered a dirty business only if it occurs between spouses. That among the parishioners who did not give any vows. And what about the priests? Can they do THIS? Yes, but not to everyone.
Orthodoxy: black and white
Orthodox clergy are of two types: white and black. White representatives - deacons and priests - can marry and have children. They marry as very young seminarians, because they have to do this before accepting the priesthood. By the way, the parish will not receive a single priest. He will have more reasons for abstinence than a parishioner. For example, a priest should not allow marital intimacy on the eve of the Liturgy. If the wife dies or they divorce (which, under some circumstances, it is possible), he cannot remarry.
Black clergy - monks - should forget about carnal pleasures. However, the highest ranks in the church hierarchy are awarded only to them.
Millions of women all over the world cry over the saga "The Thorn Birds", which describes the unhappy life of Maggie Cleary, who managed to fall in love with the Catholic priest Ralph de Bricassart (actors Rachel WARD and Richard CHAMBERLIN)
Catholicism: no, that's all!
In the Roman Catholic Church, all priests, without exception, before accepting ordination, take a vow of celibacy and observe celibacy all their lives - that is, they abstain from carnal relationships. Recently, more and more proposals have been made to lift the strict ban, especially when there are sex scandals involving Catholic priests. Greek Catholics have married priests and monks who have given up carnal pleasures.
Judaism: must marry
A rabbi not only can, but must marry. The Torah says that it is bad for a person to be alone, and a married person can fulfill the important commandment "Be fruitful and multiply!" Any Jewish woman is suitable for the role of a spouse, and if anything, the marriage is dissolved according to the same laws that apply to everyone. There are restrictions on intimate life: for several certain days a month, even legal spouses cannot touch each other.
Islam: the same as everyone
In this religion, no distinction is made between an ordinary Muslim and an imam (mullah). Therefore, a clergyman can also have up to four wives, if he is able to provide for each of them equally. Islam states that sexual satisfaction cannot be separated from love, mutual respect, emotional attachment, otherwise human behavior will not differ from the behavior of cattle. The Prophet warned spouses not to jump into bed like birds without proper foreplay, which involves expressions of love and affection. During fasting Muslims are forbidden to have sex in the daytime, but at night - please.
Buddhism: a lama is not a monk
Buddhist monks necessarily take a vow of celibacy. But there are lama gurus, teachers, who do not have to be monks. Therefore, occasionally, but there are married lamas.
Buddhist monks have no time for women - they need to improve martial arts
Mikhail, Krasnodar
Is it true that people are excommunicated during fasting for marriage?
Good afternoon. Interested in a number of issues related to intimate relationships between married spouses during certain periods of the year. As you know, the Old Believer priests do not have a single opinion about penance and the possibility of admitting spouses to communion, who had marital relations during the fast. Someone excommunicates from the sacrament for intemperance only during Great Lent, someone for all 4 years of fasting, but there is an opinion that abstinence is mandatory only on Holy and Bright weeks (after Easter). There are also different opinions regarding abstinence on certain days of the week - on Wednesdays and Fridays and on the eve of Sundays and holidays. I would like to understand what rules exist in this regard in the ancient statutes. Save Christ.
Hello. Like any other priest, I am often asked questions about married life. And then we have to quote the words of the Apostle Paul from the first letter to Corinth:
Let the husband pay back to the wife the love she deserves, and so does the wife to her husband. The wife does not own her body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not own his body, but the wife does. Do not deprive yourself of each other, just by agreement at the time. May you abide in fasting and prayer, and pack together, may Satan not tempt you with your intemperance.
One of the greatest preachers of abstinence and repentance in the entire history of Christ's Church, saint John Chrysostom interpreting these words of the apostle, he writes: “a wife should not abstain against the will of her husband, and a husband should not abstain against the will of his wife. Why? Because from such abstinence comes a great evil; from this there were frequent fornication, fornication, and domestic disorder. After all, if others, having their wives, indulge in adultery, then all the more will they indulge in it when they are deprived of this consolation. The Apostle said well: do not deprive yourself; what I here called deprivation, I called above a duty, in order to show how great their mutual dependence is: to abstain from one person against the will of the other means to deprive, but not by will. So, if you take anything from me with my consent, it will not be a deprivation for me; the one who takes against will and forcibly deprives. Many wives do this, committing a great sin against justice, and thus giving husbands an excuse for debauchery, and making everything upset. Unanimity should be preferred to everything: it is most important. What is the use of fasting and abstinence when love is broken? No".
The Holy Church also has Rule 13 of Saint Timothy of Alexandria.
Question 13: To those who have intercourse in the communion of marriage, on which days of the week should they abstain from intercourse with each other, and on which days should they be entitled to it? Answer: before the rivers I, and now I say, the apostle says: do not deprive yourself of one another, only by agreement, until the time, but abide in prayer: and gather together again, may Satan not tempt you with your intemperance.
On the subject of Great Lent, I will cite the teachings and authoritative opinions of the saints of the ancient Russian Church:
And don’t get off your wives if you need them, but don’t deign yourself to your own podrozhih. And it is imperative for us to eat takos, a hedgehog for a short time and passionate and vigorous to the end, choose the same for three weeks. And behold, I have heard, Auger Doruzian priests say to their children: Oli all fasting, do not lie with your wives, we will also give the sacrament, - that is nҍtut. And you, priest bouduche, will even want to slozhiti if, for many days, you will be out of your way ?! And if it was by bowing, even by forgiving, then anybody was bowling and in the talk did not grow out of wives, give communion ... (The teaching of the Novgorod Archbishop John II (Elijah), quoted from: Monuments of Old Russian Canon Law, Russian Historical Library , vol. 6.).
Translated into modern Russian:
“But do not require husbands to abstain from wives, unless they themselves begin to do so in agreement with their spouses. After all, we are instructed to observe only the Pure, Passionate and all Bright weeks, so teach about these three weeks. And I also heard that some priests declare to their children: Let us take communion on Easter only if they abstained from wives during the entire Great Lent - but there is no such rule! You yourself, fathers, when you are going to serve, do you really abstain from your wives for many days ?! And if there is no such requirement for priests, then even more so for simple people; so if anyone has not abstained from conjugal communion in fasting, allow him to receive communion. "
Prashakh: is it possible to get the volume of communion, even at 8 great p0st scoopўplћєtsz with8 your wife? - Razgnevasz: qi ў recite a speech, abstain in shouting t wives? Fuck you v8 t0m! - Rykh; written, vladhko; there is more in ўstave in bellechskom, how good is to be watched, how Christ is to be. If it’s not m0gўt, in the previous week and 3 the last. And # Fe0dos, speech, ў of the metropolitan listen, wrote.- Likewise, neither napsav, speech, nor metropolitan, nor Fe0dos, perhaps a week of priest; and the salable weeks are all days 1е, ѓki days a week. Is it even better to do so, forbid2 to create packets. Ґ hot comќ to commune at 8 week, then at 8 sat and 3 weeks early, and 3 packs for wives on Monday for the evening.(Answers of Bishop Nifont of Novgorod, Kirikovo's questioning, quoted from: Monuments of Old Russian Canon Law, Russian Historical Library, vol. 6.).
In translation:
“He asked: should those who were with their wife in Great Lent be allowed to receive communion?<Святитель Нифонт>got angry: Are you teaching to abstain from fasting from your wives ?! Sin on you for this! - I answered: Vladyka, but it is written in the charter for the laity that it would be good to abstain, for this is the fast of Christ. And Theodosius wrote so, according to the metropolitan. -<Святитель ответил>Neither the Metropolitan nor Theodosius wrote anything of the kind.<Речь>only about Sundays and Bright Week. After all, on Bright Week all days are like Sundays ... And if anyone wants to receive Communion on Sunday, then let him wash on Saturday morning, and on Monday evening he can be with his wife again. "
But there is another opinion. In the book you can find the prescription:
Abstain from wives during the entire holy Great Lent. If he falls with his wife during the holy fast, the whole fast will be deprived.
But this is a late insertion into it by Met. Peter Mogila in the third Kiev edition of the Nomokanon (Pavlov A. Nomokanon at the Great Trebnik. Moscow, 1897, pp. 166-167).
And, for example, there is interpretation of others like saints our Father Dionysius, Archbishop of Alexandria(canonical epistle to Bishop Basilides).
“Balsamon: As it seems, the saint was asked whether it is required that spouses, having grown old, refrain from copulation at those times when they should pray? And he replies that such should be judges for themselves, and sometimes they should abstain from each other by agreement, that is, according to a common desire, precisely at those times when they are commanded to pray, they should behave with all chastity, and be bought, because the great Paul also commanded this (1 Cor. 7, 5); and although the rule speaks of the aged, it should also be applied to all spouses. And it says well in it: "by agreement"; for neither the husband owns his body, nor the wife, according to the great Apostle. So, therefore, they must agree with each other regarding abstinence, in order to be diligent in prayer and fasting; for if abstinence is not in agreement, then the party unwilling to intercourse will, of course, be deprived of the one who seeks it; and if so, how would the side seeking copulation and not receiving satisfaction appear to the body-owning side as unsatisfying? It also happens that the abstinence of one of the parties may end in harm to the other; for if she is overcome by desire and does not receive satisfaction, then she may fall into unlawful copulation. But someone will say: if the rule says that spouses must move away from each other in order to be diligent in prayer, while the Apostle prescribes that we must pray incessantly, then should those living in cohabiting always abstain from each other? But the word is not about every prayer, but about the most special, that is, about the prayer of St. posts; because God, through Moses, commanded the Jews, who had to hear the divine voice on the mountain, to abstain from their wives (Ex. 19, 15). And the prophet Joel says: consecrate the fast, and let the bridegroom go out from his bed and the bride from his palace (2, 16). And when this is so, I do not see what penances those who do not observe should be subjected to; I think, however, that healing should be carried out according to the reasoning of the person receiving the confession and taking into account the persons and needs of nature. "
And some understand this interpretation as a prohibition on married life during fasting. Is it correct? Let's read the rule itself carefully:
3. Those who marry must themselves be the reigning judges. For they heard Paul writing, as if it is proper to abstain from each other, by agreement, until the time, in order to exercise in prayer, and then pack it into existence (1 Corinthians 7.5).
And what do we see: who, according to this rule and the holy apostle, is left to decide the affairs of married life? Only the spouses themselves should be dominant judges for themselves.
And as a result of this, I will propose the thought of St. John Chrysostom that our Lord established marriage between a man and a woman to overcome the division between people, so that spouses learn to achieve unity in the image of the Holy Trinity through work on themselves. And all aspects of the family life of Christians: intimate relationships, joint upbringing of children, household, just communication with each other and everything else - all this should be considered as opportunities and means that direct a Christian couple of spouses on the path of unity.
Can I have sex during fasting? This issue worries many families, especially young ones and those who have recently begun to observe church laws. Most believers will, of course, answer in the negative. Families in which the foundations of Orthodox Christianity have been observed for several generations have an unequivocal opinion on this issue. And yet, not everything here is so simple ...
What do people think?
There are such priests today. Listening to the confessions of the parishioners, they sharply condemn the "sinners", give instructions, ascribe severe punishment to the spouses in the form of abstinence. Thus, at times, causing discord in families and even destroying them.
The higher clergy spoke about such overly zealous ministers more than once during the councils. It instructed the priests that it is unacceptable to force or persuade the parishioners to chastity against their wishes. And it was recommended to be especially careful in conversations. But fanatics are ubiquitous from time to time.
Opinions of priests
Of course, if you ask a strict priest: "Is it possible to have sex during Lent?" - then, most likely, he will answer in the negative. Just a reasonable church minister, unlike a fanatic, will not insist on this too much. His answer will be something like this: "It is undesirable, but if your flesh is weak, then you can, but try to abstain as much as you can tolerate." People in this age are weak in their passions. The holy fathers will not impose very strict prohibitions on them, so that people do not turn away from the church at all and observe the canons to the best of their ability.
According to the priest of the Savvino-Storozhevsky Monastery, it is forbidden to perform conjugal duties during the Great. After all, Jesus calls on these days to struggle with passions and bad habits, get rid of sinful thoughts and deeds. If such behavior is difficult, then you should turn to confession and repentance, which give strength and strength. The main thing is not to allow relaxation and not succumb to temptations, supporting yourself with prayer.
Archbishop Elijah - Vladyka of Novgorod - said that it is especially important to abstain in Easter week, as well as to Passion and Fedorova (the first). By the way, even the most tolerant clergy recommend that spouses exclude sexual intercourse at least during the time if they cannot restrain themselves throughout the fast.
The verdict of doctors and psychologists
But what do people who are far from religion say about abstinence? What is the position of science on this issue? Physicians of the soul and body, that is, psychologists and physicians, naturally do not impose a ban on sex during fasting. But they do not see anything harmful in abstinence, if it is not too long. In their opinion, there is even some benefit in this, because after a certain break, sexual sensations intensify and bring much more pleasure to the spouses.
What about the others?
How many religions, so many opinions. Each has its own dogmas, prohibitions and restrictions. Islam is considered one of the most stringent. So, I must say that Muslims in this issue are not very categorical. Islam does not prohibit sexual life during Ramadan (almost the same as for the Orthodox fasting). But! The permit applies only to the sick, nomads and people temporarily settled in a foreign land. They can have sex while fasting, while everyone else will have to wait.
Orthodox exceptions
But Orthodoxy, especially modern Orthodoxy, is not such a beast. There are times when the spouses met after a long separation, and their meeting happened just at the post. For example, a serviceman came home for a week, or a sailor returned from a long voyage, and a month later he was back on the road. It would be cruel to demand abstinence from them and, according to the teachings of St. Paul, even sinful. Especially if there is a new parting ahead. In such cases, the Orthodox Church turns a blind eye to dogmas and gives the go-ahead for physical love.
An important point is reciprocity
It happens that in a family one of the spouses is churchgoed, while the other is not. Or just someone is stronger in spirit, and someone is weaker. And then, while the first is fiercely fasting (including sexually), the second makes up for the deficit on the side. From the point of view of the Orthodox Church, this situation is even more sinful than the carnal relationship between spouses during fasting. And if you are not sure of your partner, you doubt his strength, it is better not to practice abstinence at all, but to go to "hunger" gradually: through conversations, prayers and confessions.
Personal confessor will answer
So is it okay or not to have sex while fasting? This article will make certain conclusions. But in the world there is not and cannot be anything unambiguous, categorical. A person must be flexible, listen to his soul ...
And also each family is a purely individual case. And the circumstances are different. That is why the wisest said that abstinence should be by mutual consent of the spouses.
If the two of us fail to come to a solution, the priest will help. Just do not contact an outsider father on such an intimate question. You can trust a confessor who leads the family for a long time, knows about the problems and circumstances of the spouses' life and will be able to suggest a reasonable, correct answer for this particular case. Or rather, not even an answer, but advice. Who will preserve matrimonial love and deliver from sin.
Questions about the limitations of intimate communication between spouses during periods of four multi-day fasts and certain days of the week during the calendar year are very often raised by family people in confession. In our age of temptations, the relevance of this topic cannot be underestimated, if only because the family path, unlike monasticism, chooses the vast majority of people... Given the delicacy of this topic, many Christians are embarrassed to ask a priest about marital relations personally and are forced to do this in absentia, addressing their questions to our website under the heading.
A. V. Prostev. What God has combined, let man not separate. 2008 year
However, to this day there is no clear answer to this question, and each confessor decides on the basis of his own experience and understanding. Basically, we observe the tendency of punishment " intemperate spouses»Penances and excommunication from the Sacrament of the Sacrament. Indeed, in the Old Believer Church, the most stringent of the other existing statutes have been adopted. This applies to food, confession and other rules governing the most diverse spheres of spiritual, family and social life of the Old Believer. By the way, in Ukraine and Moldova, in many communities of the ROC, a strange and long-established tradition operates: family people practically do not partake of the Holy Mysteries, and there is an unspoken belief that supposedly only infants, unmarried and widows are allowed to receive communion.
We decided to sort out this difficult, but important issue for family people.
Scripture on the question of marital relations
Apostle Paul writes:
To the wife, let the husband repay her due love, and so does the wife to her husband. The wife does not own her body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not own his body, but the wife does. Do not deprive yourself of each other, just by agreement at the time. May you abide in fasting and prayer, and pack yourselves together, may Satan not tempt you with your intemperance (1 Cor. 7: 3-5).
One of the greatest preachers of abstinence and repentance in the entire history of the Church, saint John Chrysostom, so interprets these words:
« The wife should not abstain against the will of her husband and the husband should not abstain against the will of the wife. Why? Because from such abstinence comes a great evil; from this there were frequent fornication, fornication, and domestic disorder. After all, if others, having their wives, indulge in adultery, then all the more will they indulge in it when they are deprived of this consolation. The Apostle said well: do not deprive yourself; what I here called deprivation, I called above a duty, in order to show how great their mutual dependence is: to abstain from one person against the will of the other means to deprive, but not by will. So, if you take anything from me with my consent, it will not be a deprivation for me; the one who takes against will and forcibly deprives. Many wives do this, committing a great sin against justice, and thus giving husbands an excuse for debauchery, and making everything upset. Unanimity should be preferred to everything: it is most important. What is the use of fasting and abstinence when love is broken? No».
The church also has Rule 13 of Saint Timothy of Alexandria:
« Question 13: To those who have intercourse in the communion of marriage, on which days of the week should they abstain from intercourse with each other, and on which days should they be entitled to it? Answer: before the rivers I, and now I say, the apostle says: do not deprive yourself of one another, only by agreement, until the time, but abide in prayer: and gather together again, may Satan not tempt you with your intemperance. However, it is necessary to abstain on the Sabbath and Sunday, because in these days the spiritual sacrifice is offered to the Lord.». ( Slavic helmsman. Rule 13.As a husband living on a purchase with his lawful wives, the apostle says, do not deprive yourself of one another, only if you want to consult, do this: let not Satan tempt you. It is necessary on Saturday and the week, so they do not approach themselves, even in those days the spiritual sacrifice is ascended to God).
3 rule of Saint Dionysius of Alexandria reads:
« Those who marry themselves must be reigning judges. For they heard Paul writing, as if it is proper to abstain from each other, by agreement, until a time in order to exercise in prayer, and then pack it into existence."(1 Cor. 7, 5). ( Slavic helmsman. Lawfully copulating husband and wife by consultation, let them not touch each other for a while, and let them practice prayer, and the packs, together, let them stay).
Saint Basil the Great in the first conversation (On post 1) he writes: “ Fasting also knows the measure in matters of matrimony, keeping from excessiveness in what is permitted by law; by agreement, separates time for that, let them be in prayer ".
If you look at the history of the Ecumenical and Local Councils of the first millennium, then at that time it was prescribed one-day marital fast before Communion... However, over time, the rules were tightened, urging spouses to abandon intimate relationships for more than half a year.
If we take the strictest prescriptions for the restriction of four annual multi-day fasts, Wednesdays, Fridays, Sundays, as well as great holidays, then only about 90 days a year remain for marital intimacy.
Moreover, these days women can have menstruation, various ailments and not only wives, but also husbands; employment at work and household, ordinary fatigue or lack of proper mood. Therefore, for many family people, these conditions are objectively absolutely unbearable, that is, according to the word of Christ, they are entrusted with “ burdens are heavy and unbearable”(Matt. 23: 4). It should be noted that if the church children fully fulfilled the prescriptions of the nomokanons, then their children would be born only on certain days and months. But, as we can see, children appear all year round, even in November and December, when 9 months have passed since last year's Lent. This means that, despite the severity " rules", They are not performed by all.
The superstitious idea that children conceived in fasting supposedly bear some kind of curse on themselves was clearly disputed by the saints in the Old Russian Church. In the XII century, such Russian confessors as the Novgorod Kirik already had at their disposal " thin nomokanunts"- books that, in the words of the archbishop Nifonta, « fit burn». « I read to him from some commandment: if on a week, or on Saturday, or on heels a man lies down and a child is conceived, then he will love, either a fornicator, any a robber, any trembling, but as a parent he has penned two summers, and say: you and books fit to burn”(Questioning Kirik and the answers of Bishop Nifont).
It should be noted that fasts during the life of the Apostle Paul were not as long as they are today. In general, fasting and marital abstinence are two different exploits that have certain connections with each other, but are different in nature. Fasting, in terms of restriction from eating fast food, is a personal feat: everyone decides for himself how much and what kind of food to eat (even among lean food there is a wide variety of foods). Not a single rule urges us to completely abstain from food during fasting days and long-term fasts, but only instructs us to eat food of a different quality, lean, and limit the amount.
Marital abstinence is a mutual achievement. In addition, unlike food, conjugal intercourse cannot be replaced by anything else on the days of fasting. But it is precisely the intimate relationship between spouses that constantly maintains their unity, in particular, spiritual and mental. This relationship is nothing more than the fulfillment of the words of God Himself: “ And the two will be one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh"(Mark 10: 8).
Are not rigorous attitudes about long-term abstinence contradicting Christ's teaching about one flesh and the apostolic instruction "not to deprive one another, only by consent and for a time"?
Be that as it may, in the Church since ancient times there has been a norm of abstaining from conjugal cohabitation during fasting. But, unlike food prohibitions, for violation of which the canons are punished by excommunication from St. The sacraments, the instructions of the holy fathers regarding the prohibitions on conjugal communion during fasting are rather advisory in nature. Naturally, the principle of abstinence during fasting should also apply to this side of life. The measure of abstinence and the frequency of relationships in posts should be decided by the spouses themselves as self-sufficient judges, and the key point is by consent... Ideally, of course, it would be a good idea to seek advice and blessing from a spiritual father as well.
Nomokanon on marital relations on fasting and some other days
In addition to Holy Scripture, Holy Tradition has great authority in the Old Believer Church.
The observance of spousal immunity during Great Lent is positively indicated by the church rule Big Trebnik: « Laymen abstain from wives during the entire holy Great Lent. If he falls with his wife during the holy fast, then neither on Easter may he take Communion, after the whole fast there is dishonor: but with the help of his lawful wives to be observed, as if it is said, for the entire fast» (Nomokanon of Postnik, chapter 40).
However, this is what the famous Russian canonist writes about the origin of this rule. A. S. Pavlov in his research “ Nomokanon at the Great Trebnik»: « An inappropriate postscript to the Slavic text that the spouses abstain from the common bed during the Lent of the Forty-Years was first made in the third Kiev edition of the Nomokanon, in which her very source is indicated: Sava (monk?), Mouth. ch. 52 (of course, probably the ustav of Saint Sava of Jerusalem). The same rule is found in the Fastnik Nomokanon. They insist on the observance of this rule: Balsamon in the 52nd answer to Mark of Alexandria, the imaginary John, Bishop of Kitra (Helmsman, ch. 58, right. 2) and the scholastic Pidalion in one of the notes to the 69th Apostolic Canon". (The third Kiev edition of "Nomokanon" was published in 1629 with a foreword by the archimandrite of the Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Peter Mogila - ed.).
Shirking your wives on Sundays and Forty days is discussed in the second answer. John, Bishop of Kitra, Bishop of Drach Cabasilou: « About the hedgehog of defiling his wives in the week and at the fourtieth day. Even below, on the evening of the Lord's day, their wives do not want to be defiled, as the apostle said, yes, abolish in prayer, forbidding them to the extent of sinning, correct, just as by no means, and at the holy four-month period, and every day you are multiplying yourself pure, from spouses to observe... (Translation. " Those who, even on the evening of the Lord's Day, do not want to shy away from their wives, as the Apostle said, in order to spend time in prayer, should be corrected with prohibitions in moderation; also on Holy Forty days more than on other days one must keep oneself clean of spouses»
63 rule of Nomokanon also advises to have abstinence on Sundays and great holidays: “ At other times, let not each other be deprived, according to the apostle, of the toxia during the sacrament and antidote, in weeks, and on deliberate holidays, and this by agreement". The sources for this article were rules 5, 7 and 13 Timothy of Alexandria, with the addition of Nomokanon Postnik
Patriarch of Antioch Theodore Balsamon in response to the patriarch Alexandria Mark indicates the unworthiness of Communion of the intemperate spouses. " Question 52. If, during the Fourty-day fast, the spouses do not abstain, whether they are honored with the Divine Mysteries on the world-saving holiday of Great Easter or not? Answer: If we are taught to refrain even from eating fish and not to allow fasting for the whole of Holy Forty-day, as well as on Wednesdays and Fridays, then the more spouses are forced to abstain from carnal intercourse. Therefore, those spouses who committed such an unlawfulness and exchanged salvific repentance from fasting and removal from carnal lusts for satanic intemperance (as if a whole year was not enough for them to satisfy their fleshly lusts), not only do not receive Holy Divine Communion on the feast of Holy Great Easter, but also corrected by penances».
Russian canonists on the relationship of spouses in the posts
Russian canonists of the Middle Ages hesitated whether it was worth subjecting the laity to strict restrictions in conjugal communication during fasting, and offered various options for relaxation.
In teaching Novgorod Archbishop John II (Elijah) we find: "... And do not excommunicate your wives as needed, they themselves will not deign their friends around the world. And we are commanded to eat tacos, a clean week and more passionate and Sunday until the end, then forbid those three weeks. And behold, I have heard, august friends of the priests say with their children: Oli do not lie with their wives all the fasting, we will also give the sacrament, then that is not present. And you, the priest will be better, if you want to serve if you are, then why will you be excommunicated from your hits for many days ?! And if you wake up with a priest, even do not be simple, then they will be in love and in the fasting they will not get away from their wives, give communion…
And do not demand from husbands to abstain from wives, unless they themselves begin to do so in agreement with their spouses. After all, we are instructed to observe only the Pure, Passionate and all Bright weeks, so teach about these three weeks. And I also heard that some priests declare to their children: Let us take communion on Easter only if they abstained from wives during the entire Great Lent - but there is no such rule! You yourself, fathers, when you are going to serve, do you really abstain from your wives for many days ?! And if there is no such requirement for priests, then even more so for simple people; so if anyone has not abstained from marital fellowship in fasting, allow him to receive communion.
Novgorod bishop Nifont so answers the question Kirikovo: « He asked: Is communion worthy of this, if he copulates with his wife during Great Lent?? - Angry[lord]: Teach Qi, speak, abstain from your wives during the fasting ?! That is your sin! - Rekh: it is written, Vladyka, it is in the charter in Belkovo, as there is goodness to be observed, as there is Christ's fast. If they can’t, but the front week and the last. And Theodos, having heard the speech from the Metropolitan, wrote. - Also, without writing, speech, neither the Metropolitan, nor Theodos, unless a week is a holiday, but an idle week is all day, like a week. If he dissolves tacos, forbid him to create packs. And even though someone will receive communion a week, then wash yourself early on Saturday, and pack up to your wife on Monday evening. "
Translated into modern Russian:
Should we allow those who were with their wife in Great Lent to receive communion? -<Святитель Нифонт>got angry: Are you teaching to abstain from fasting from your wives ?! Sin on you for this! - I answered: Vladyka, but it is written in the charter for the laity that it would be good to abstain, for this is the fast of Christ. And Theodosius wrote so, according to the metropolitan. -<Святитель ответил>Neither the Metropolitan nor Theodosius wrote anything of the kind.<Речь>only about Sundays and Bright Week. After all, on Bright Week all days are like Sundays. If they do so, then forbid them to do so. And if anyone wants to receive Holy Communion on Sunday, then let him wash on Saturday morning, and on Monday evening he can be with his wife again.
V Saints of the XVI century Library of the Trinity Lavra No. 365 says: “ If anyone, due to his art of faith, cannot keep his wife from his wife during Great Lent, and let him keep Fedorov's week, faithful, passionate and holy". In translation: " If someone, due to his lack of faith, cannot refrain from his wife throughout Great Lent, then at least keep Fedorov for a week, Palm, Passionate and Bright". Moreover, for abstinence in the period from the meat conspiracy before Great Lent to Radunitsa, the forgiveness of sins is promised for a whole year.
V " The belts rule"(According to the manuscript descriptor of the Solovetsky Library, probably a" Russian composition "), a regulation of sexual abstinence has been developed before and after the communion of the Holy Mysteries in the Rozhdestvensky and Petrov fasts: Abstain from your wife during the great fasting ... At Filippov's retreat and in Petrovo, take communion for a week from your wife, and after communion for 3 days» .
In the Nomokanon of the XVI-XVII centuries library Uvarova No. 559 (329) this rule applies only to clergy: “ Commandments to priests, deacons and clergy ... If anyone, through unrestraint during the great fast of fornication, will not remain with his wife, yes ... the week of Theodore and the middle of the cross, both palm and passionate, and in other days they are coming ... isnt monday and wednesday and heel and sabbath and week and saints' commemoration. And in the Lady's retreat, stay clean as in Great Lent.» . In translation: « Commandments to priests, deacons and clergy. If someone, uncontrollably during Great Lent, does not abstain from his wife, then ... Fedorov week, Cross, Palm and Passion, and the rest will be together. And it is not forbidden to be with wives on Peter's fast and on Christmas, except for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and the memory of saints. And on the Dormition fast, stay clean, as in Great Lent.».
The 16th century texts say: “ During Holy Great Lent, the good to keep the little married from themselves, if it cannot, but the first week and the last one, may they be kept clean. The same is true for the Nativity of Christ fast, and for Peter's day» . In translation: « During Holy Great Lent, the newlyweds will hold on well, but if they cannot, then let the first and last weeks be preserved. The same is in the Nativity Lent and in Petrov.».
In additional articles to the Russian confessional statutes in the 16th century manuscript missal, Sof. bibl. No. 875 read " The teaching of the holy apostles and saints the father of the spiritual father, how to live for spiritual children in Great Lent»: « And I don't copulate with wives at all, and after the Great Day spend the whole week cleanly, beloved by Christ, I will rise from the grave, I have not set the sun all week. The whole week is like one day. And if a person cannot restrain his flesh, let him observe the first week, both the worship of the Cross, and the passionate and bright week of the holiday. Zane those weeks all four in one day. And in those weeks, on Tuesday and Thursday, if a deliberate saint does not come, let him have sex with his wife. And it would be better to give the tithe of God all pure Gods»
Authoritative Byzantine interpreter of church canons John Zonara (XII century) cites a story-parable “ about the deceived priest". For centuries, this story was included in the collections of church law in Russia, including among the Old Believers.
Transliteration: Found bo and the legend of the former, having written and betrayed by a hedgehog. Presbyter has a certain weight, he has a wife, and both are young. And Great Saturday evening I will be in time, all the same, like a holiday, the president is preparing an evening next to his wife on the bed. Scolding him, having come from the fornication demon, delight to mix with his wife, she will not leave him. Vostav bo came, and byst with the cattle, do not lead his wife. The shining days of the holy week of Easter, having served Matins by the priest, and having performed the Liturgy, are all people with him. After the erection of the divine bread and after communion, clouds of various birds, eating blood, falling on the church to the church gates, will arrive, like non-warriors, who are stripping and stripping, and throwing swords, people shutting the gates tightly, standing inside a man and a wife. I have been receiving Holy Communion; and the priest hearing and seeing the past, and speaking: “Mine is transgression, and mine is an ulcer. For the sake of the host of these birds, be faster. " And confessing to all people. So blatantly all, Lord have mercy, opened the first gates, nothing was damaged by the birds. And so all the people begin to go, and even to the wife of the priest, in the gates of existence, she will delight the birds: I will dissolve them in detail, and I will fly away with bones at their mouths. This glorious vision presupposes a tale for us, written off to the crawling of our whole body. For this reason, it befits to do everything with fear, as if not an imaginary good will be a crafty sin.
Free translation: In a certain village there lived a young priest with a young wife. On the eve of Holy Saturday, incited by a prodigal demon, he began to persuade his wife to engage in carnal communion. She, being a virtuous woman and not wanting to fall into sin, left the marriage bed. Then the dissatisfied husband sinned with the cattle, about which the wife, naturally, did not know. During the raising of the Holy Gifts at the Easter Liturgy, which the priest was celebrating, a flock ("clouds") of birds of prey ("blood-eating" or "blood-eating") birds appeared near his church, attacking the gates of the temple. When the presbyter found out about this, he immediately understood the reason for the ominous sign, publicly repented of his deed and was the first to leave the church. The birds did not harm him and all the parishioners (who had confessed and received the Holy Communion by that time). When the virtuous wife of the priest appeared at the gate, the birds pounced on her, tore her to pieces and flew away.
The confessional charter of the Old Believer Church on the issue of marital relations in Lent
V Charter bis. Arseny Uralsky, distributed today among the priests of the ROC, rule 47 indicates: " The spouses, if during the preparation for Communion do not refrain from copulation, then according to the 5th rule of Timothy of Alexandria, they are excommunicated from the Communion. And they must also have abstinence on Sundays and great holidays, according to the 63 rule of the Nomokanon. The Bolshoi Rite advises to have the same abstinence during the whole of Holy Forty and other fasting days, under which marriage is not allowed» .
Brief nomokanon and rite of confession (hectograph of the beginning of the 20th century) Bishop. Arseny Uralsky When performing the Sacrament of Confession, the priests of the Russian Orthodox Church use the Rite of Confession from the Big Consumer, published under Patriarch Joseph in the first half of the 17th century. Regarding the issue of the regulation of marital relations in certain periods of the year, here is what we find on the pages of this Rite of confession:
"A question for married people and widowers: Whether you live with your wife according to the law, during Great Lent or Holy Week, were you not with her, or on Sunday, or on Wednesday, or on Heels. Have you not been with her on the Lord's feasts, and on the Theotokos, and on the days of the memory of the great saints».
"A question for married and widows: During Great Lent and Holy Week, did she go astray with her husband, or with strangers. On Sunday, and on Wednesday, and on Friday, did you not go astray? And on the Lord's feasts, and the Theotokos, and the memory of the great saints, did you not obstinate».
« Teaching Spiritual Children: And live legally with your wife. Wednesday and Friday, the week and the feasts of the Lord, and the Most Pure Theotokos, and other saints, honor honestly».
Attention is drawn to the fact that the relationship between legal spouses in the post is called fornication, as well as legal marital relations are equated with relations with someone else's (someone else's) wife or husband (the same trend is observed in a number of earlier confessional questionnaires)
« The only source from which one can glean any definite answer to this question is the first two Russian (Kiev) editions of the Slavic translation of the Nomokanon, published in the first quarter of the 17th century. They made a direct indication to Athos as to the place of origin, and to Athonite confessors as the authors of the book being published ... The book, which appeared without the name of the author and without any signs of origin from a person in power in the church, could receive such a high practical value only due to the fact that everyone considered it the work of the Athonite ascetics, who in turn were considered the best confessors throughout the Orthodox East» .
A very consistent and important question arises:
Why are the issues of family life and intimate relations between spouses regulated by the Athonite monks? Did they have an objective understanding of the intricacies of family psychology? Was it not their goal to deliberately destroy warm family relations for the sake of the second path - monasticism, as the more correct one?
Literature:
S. I. Smirnov. Materials for the history of the Old Russian penitential discipline, M. 1912, p. 7
Pavlov A.S., Nomokanon at the Great Trebnik, M. 1897, pp. 166-167
Helmsman of Patriarch Joseph, 1650, (typed by P.P. Ryabushinsky, 1912), ch. 58, l. 598, ob.
Pavlov A.S., Nomokanon at the Great Trebnik, M. 1897, p. 186
Monuments of Old Russian Canon Law, Russian Historical Library, vol. 6
Pavlov A.S., Nomokanon at the Great Trebnik, M. 1897, p. 5.
