Home Fertilizers Mom why dad wants to marry me. - Will you become my wife? a real wife…. Psychological Assistance - Parents want to marry me off to someone I don't like

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Mom why dad wants to marry me. - Will you become my wife? a real wife…. Psychological Assistance - Parents want to marry me off to someone I don't like

Losing a loved one is easy, but returning an emotional connection or finding an equally lasting new one is not an easy task. Perhaps you should not be heroic and try to figure out on your own with a problem that seems insoluble to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from Center for Successful Relationships. You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send us the most detailed (of course, as far as is appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do our best to bring good mood, harmony and peace back to your home. The anonymity of letters is guaranteed. We are waiting for your letters at [email protected] To prevent your letter from getting lost, please indicate "My Story" in the subject line.

On the site, I read the story "My mother is a nightmare" and decided to write in the heading "Psychologist's advice" so that you could help me figure out my situation, since my mother is also a nightmare, and my nerves will soon fail, and I either end up in a psychiatric hospital, or I will be on antidepressants. Maybe the problem is in me and I should change myself so as not to poison the life of my parents. I grew up in an ordinary family - dad, mom, sister and me. My sister and I have a difference of only one year and three months, but she was always small and defenseless for her parents, and I was always the eldest, responsible and decisive. For her, adults solved all problems, and I for myself. I had no idea to ask my parents for help. And they were not particularly interested in my life. For them, my grades in school and technical school were important, and no matter what I said, no matter what I did, I was always wrong, and even if it was obvious that the truth was on my side, my mother still stood her ground and found a new reason, to humiliate me. I often heard about my stupidity and stupidity, and insults poured from my mother's lips without interruption. When I matured, she generally ceased to hold back in her statements.

Mom was always interested only in her friends and how she would look in front of them, what people would say about her apartment, her appearance, and, of course, it was important for her that her children looked the best in the eyes of relatives and friends. But at home, she continued to talk about my worthlessness, and in public she only praised and extolled.

Father also often received from her, she humiliated and insulted him at home, but in public - he is an ideal husband. True, my dad is good, he constantly played and went with us to the street, to various events. At least he paid much more attention to my sister and me than my mother. All she needed was to keep the house clean and tidy.

My sister was constantly set as an example, almost everything was allowed for her. Even as a child, she could throw a scandal about inappropriate clothes, they say, she would not wear this thing, and her mother ran around her. My sister was an excellent student, was an example in the class, sat and crammed lessons all the time, almost never went anywhere. She had few friends, and even more fans. Quiet gray mouse, boring and boring. And, of course, I am the complete opposite: a beautiful, very active, cheerful girl with a bunch of fans. Sometimes I "threw tricks", but this is only because they did not believe and did not trust me. It was just that I made all the decisions myself, did not consult, then, however, I received it for it, but I was sure that if I did something, I would answer myself. I will not say that I did not obey, I just sometimes went against the opinion of my parents, so I hid some actions. They will not believe it anyway and the whole situation will be so twisted that you start to think that you are a bad, "walking daughter", although I studied well.

I got married at 22, and now I am sure that it was not for love, but simply because I wanted to escape from my home. A year later, my daughter was born, but my husband and I did not live well. Of course, many conflicts happened because of my mother, who always tried to aggravate the situation, and I believed that she was right and wants good. All the same, my ex-husband and I are to blame for ourselves: we constantly swore, he raised his hand against me, insulted me, then he left, then I collected his things. Sometimes he and I lived with his parents, sometimes with mine. My dad has an apartment, and when we got married, we wanted to buy it out, but for the amount that we had, mom and dad did not give it to us. We wanted to rent an apartment from our parents, but they turned down such a price that it is easier and cheaper to rent from strangers. Although my husband earned good money, I was on maternity leave and studied on a paid basis. When my husband left and left us with a small child, my mother took pleasure and enjoyed telling me that I was a fool and got married unsuccessfully, and now she was left without money, on water and bread. My husband did not help on purpose, thinking that he could bring me back in this way. This is how we lived for five years, of which together - a maximum of two years, therefore, having gone to work, I left him. There was no support and help from the parents either. Mom sometimes bought something for my child, however, she helped me to watch it (but now I hear that it was she who raised the child).

I give my daughter the last one, she gets everything that other children have. Now the girl is 8 years old, her father loves her, takes her on vacation. Mom calls me "cuckoo mother", because I give the child to the father, and if I don't let my daughter go to my ex-husband, then I am angry.

Now I live with another man who helps me to raise a child, we live temporarily with my parents, we are doing repairs in our apartment. My mom is again unhappy with the fact that I have a new man, and even insults my boyfriend. She calls him by name only in his presence, and behind her back ... she comes to obscene and vulgar expressions. My mother constantly tells me that he will throw me.

But my sister and her husband live in the same apartment that I wanted to buy, they rented it for a penny, and when they got married, they gave the apartment to my sister for free. Mom admires her husband, she will never say too much.

This is such a difficult story ... Maybe you can help me and tell me what to do. Most of all, I'm afraid not to spoil relations with her, but to lose the person who is next to me, because he is tired of scandals, he cannot imagine why they hate me so much, that I did this ... My daughter becomes a witness to conflicts, my mother sets her up against me ... Help, give advice.

UN, 15 million people around the world live in marriage not of their own free will. Women who were kidnapped by men or who got married at the insistence of their relatives told Snob about persuasion and threats and why they stayed married or separated from their husbands

"At the wedding, I learned that my husband was also forced to marry me."

Maryam, 22 years old

I grew up in Tajikistan, in an ordinary Muslim family. We were not too religious: no one wore a burqa, namaz was recited at will. I was lucky: my parents paid for my tuition and even allowed me to attend additional classes. However, my older brother constantly monitored my every step. However, this did not stop me from studying, walking with my girlfriends, posting pictures on the Internet. Guys at that time did not interest me: I was forbidden to communicate with them, and I thought about the reputation of my family and did not risk it.

Our girls usually get married at the age of 17-18, but I was too modern for our society: I wanted to first build a career and only then find a person with whom I could spend my whole life. I sincerely believed that it would be so. She grew up as a kid and a feminist. This tormented my parents. Dad constantly scolded mom for not being able to raise a girl out of me, and mom, in turn, scolded me. They scandalized every day.

As soon as I turned 17, matchmakers began to come to the house. There were many fans, but I refused all of them. She specially dressed as a scarecrow so as not to please anyone, was rude to women who tried to marry me. I resisted marriage for three years.

I first saw my husband on the wedding day, but we talked to him only after the celebration. It turned out that he was also forced to marry in order to break off his relationship with a Russian girl

Once my father's second cousin came to us to woo her son. Dad could not stand it, and without my and my mother's consent, he gave the go-ahead for the wedding. We cried for a whole week. I begged my father not to marry me off, because I knew the groom's relatives. I never liked them because they were very out of date. I have never seen my future husband: he lived in Russia for 11 years and rarely came to our city. I knew that he was very religious, and it scared me a lot, because our people are too religious and very unjust. It was useless to resist my father's will, and I didn't even have the thought of running away: I didn't want to disgrace my family. So I got married at the age of 20 - quite late for the girls of our country.

I first saw my husband on the wedding day, but we talked to him only after the celebration. It turned out that he, too, was forced to marry in order to break off his relationship with the Russian girl he loved. It was a blow for me: I was afraid that he still loves that girl. However, my husband and I quickly became friends. A week after the wedding, we flew to Russia. We didn't like each other enough, so we lived together as friends for six months. Fortunately, my husband did not pressurize and respected me.

Everything would be fine if not for my mother-in-law. I lived with her for two months, she considered me a slave and controlled my every step. I was in a hurry with the pregnancy, counted our money, complained about me to my husband and constantly said how clumsy and unkempt ugly I was. Naturally, this influenced his attitude towards me.

I was just lucky that my husband turned out to be, although very religious, but a very understanding and educated person.

I got pregnant, but I wasn't particularly happy about it, because after giving birth, his whole family would have moved to us. I became depressed and had a miscarriage. And this was the last straw.

I often quarreled with my husband, but then I looked at my friends, who were also forced to marry. For some reason, their husbands loved and listened to them, gave gifts and flowers, but nothing from my husband. I talked to psychologists on the Internet, read the articles and realized that my husband did not see me as a woman - only a friend, and the main woman in his life was his mother. Then I calmly told my husband that the attitude of his mother did not suit me, that she had offended me very much. I began to take care of myself and love myself more. And my husband changed his attitude towards me: he began to be jealous of me, give flowers, gifts, sometimes arranged romantic surprises (and he is not a romantic at all), began to consult with me. My parents always told me to obey my mother-in-law and husband and be silent. But now I always tell my husband what I like and what not. And it helps a lot. Not everything is perfect with my husband, but we will work on it.

The mother-in-law has lagged behind us. We still have a difficult relationship: she is jealous of my son, wants to move with us in order to control our life, constantly complains and demands money from my husband. It annoys her that we get along. I try to communicate with her as little as possible, my husband sometimes takes offense at this.

I still think that getting married against your will is terrible. I was just lucky that my husband turned out to be a very religious, but very understanding and educated person. He immediately told me that everyone chooses how he should live, and that he will not force me to live the way he wants. My husband prays five times a day, does not drink or smoke, and I can safely wear short dresses and drink on holidays. There are girls who are less fortunate, they have no one to help: the reputation of their parents is at stake, and if a girl divorces, her parents will not accept her.

"When I refused to marry, my family decided that there was a genie in me."

Taisa, 28 years old

Several years ago, my daughter-in-law's cousin, who at that time lived and worked in Moscow, saw me in the photo, and he liked me. They gave him my phone, we talked a little, and I quickly realized that this was not my person. She immediately said that I was not interested in a relationship with him and that he would leave me alone. However, relatives from my mother’s side began to say that it was high time for me to get married and that he should be given a chance.

Soon he came to Chechnya and with my cousins and their children came to visit us. I told him again that nothing would work for us. Then my sister offered to go to the center, take a walk - she just had a birthday. I calmly got into her car. Her son was driving. And that guy in a different car with his sisters followed. After a while, I realized that we were going the other way. I asked my sister why, and she: "You are getting married." I didn't believe it, I thought she was joking. It would never have occurred to me that my cousin could steal me for someone. Moreover, it is legally prohibited to steal girls in Chechnya. Then she called my mom and asked if she would agree to be married off to that guy. Mom agreed, and then I realized that they were not joking. I panicked, started yelling at my sister, even tried to open the door and jump out of the car. As a result, we stopped, I went out onto the road, shouting: “Critters! How could you do this? " They tried to take my phone away from me, but I didn't get it so easily. I called my aunt, explained everything and asked to come for me. She advised me to go to that guy and promised that she would pick me up. I obeyed.

My father's relatives were very unhappy that I was stolen. But the story was hushed up because maternal relatives were involved in the theft.

We arrived at the village. They were waiting for me there, a lot of people gathered. They took out sweets, brought them into the house, put a scarf on me, and I burst into tears. The women on their knees urged me to stay. When the persuasion did not work, they began to threaten. They said that if I came back, there would be rumors, and after that no one would marry me. I just cried and said that I would not marry. One woman even decided that there was a genie in me. I saw that not a single person worried about my state of mind, did not think about my desires. They only thought about their own skin: if the police found out that I had been stolen, they would have to pay a huge fine.

I cried for a long time and prayed to Allah for help. I firmly decided that I would not give up. Three hours later my aunts and brothers came for me. They took me home. My father's relatives were very unhappy that I was stolen. But the story was hushed up because maternal relatives were involved in the theft. It was lucky that none of the men touched me, so the mullah said that I was pure and that since I did not want to get married, they would not give me up.

After this incident, I did not leave my room for a long time. She cried a lot and did not eat anything. I was ashamed to show myself to my parents. I lost a lot of weight and went to work exhausted and pale. After that, my mother persuaded me for another month to marry that guy. I stood my ground: I do not want and I will not. Then I told her what I had gone through, my mother repented and asked me for forgiveness. I never forgave the cousin who helped steal me. We do not talk.

"Grandma said that now I will not be called spoiled"

Ekaterina, 21 years old

I live in a small Kazakh town. I was raised by my grandmother, who was sure that virginity is the main thing in a girl's life. Naturally, there was no question of any sex before marriage.

My mother married a virgin at 21, my grandmother is very proud of that. When I was two years old, my father ran away. He doesn't even want to hear about my mother and grandmother, he says, they are "gone." After the divorce, my mother went on a spree, often brought men to the house, and I heard her "concerts" at night. She didn't care about me.

As a teenager, hormones began to play in me, I scratched the walls - so I needed sex. I went to small teenage hobby meetings and there I met a guy. We were both 16 years old. We became friends, then began dating and soon slept. He was my first.

There was a terrible scandal. Grandma yelled that she would throw me, "spoiled slut", out of the house, if I do not force this guy to marry me

Every month my grandmother dragged me to the gynecologist and when I refused to go to him, she began to press. I had to say that I am no longer a virgin. There was a terrible scandal. Grandma yelled that she would throw me, "spoiled slut" out of the house, if I did not force this guy to marry me. I didn't want to get married, but the thought of being “tainted” and never getting married again scared me so much that I put pressure on my boyfriend. It was beneficial for his mother, who lived in the village, to get rid of her extra mouth, so she agreed to the wedding with the words: “Do what you want! They added a whore! " My grandmother paid for the wedding in full. The husband's parents did not come to the celebration. We could not sign because of our age, but everything was as it should be: white dress, veil, festive table.

At first we lived well, but then the abuser woke up in my husband. He constantly bullied me, called me a whore because before him I had petting and kissing with other boys. He said that because of this, my virginity means nothing to him. Soon after the wedding, I became pregnant. My grandmother's upbringing had an effect: it is necessary to give birth, a child is sacred, and then you can have at least ten abortions. When I was five months pregnant, my husband, as I later found out, was flirting with my girlfriend.

When I gave birth to my daughter, his relatives swore at me on the phone: they said that I was a whore and whores children do not count as children. Life with my husband became even more difficult - he sometimes said that he loved me and his daughter more than life, then he presented: "Yes, as soon as I leave for work, you will jump on someone else's ***." By the way, we lived at the expense of my grandmother, and my husband sometimes worked as a waiter.

When I found out that my husband cheated on me with the waitress, I went crazy. She hit him with a chair and screamed that he broke my life. We parted with the scandal. Grandma said: “But now you will not be called spoiled and you can get married again. We'll just show the groom a photo from the wedding, so that it is clear that it is not in the gateway that she lost her virginity. "

Unfortunately, I can't find a normal job: I didn't even finish nine grades because of my grandmother, who thought education for girls was delusional

I soon found another guy. He spread rot on me, that I was with a "trailer" and nobody needed me, that I got fat - he drove me to hysterics. We parted. My nerves were so shattered that I consulted a psychotherapist. It turned out that I was depressed. I felt very bad, and my grandmother yelled at me not to lie on the couch, but to go to clean up and sit with the child. One day I fell off and hit her. My grandmother said that I was an inadequate and ungrateful scum, that she had raised me for 18 years in vain, that even my mother, who pushed me onto her, was much better than me and that I would have been better off dead.

I lived with my grandmother for some time, breastfeed the baby, and then, taking a minimum of things with me, I went to the store and never returned. I had no money. At first I slept with the guys for housing, then a friend helped me. We were in love with each other as children, and now we decided to get married. The wedding is scheduled for April. I live with him, improve my health. Unfortunately, I can't find a normal job: I didn't even finish nine grades because of my grandmother, who thought education for girls was delusional. And this is in the 21st century, in a Russian family. Now I read a lot, tightened up my grammar. The best education is self-education.

My daughter lives with her grandmother. I don’t have money for her maintenance yet, but my grandmother is wealthy and gives her everything she needs. My grandmother hates me and constantly complains that I abandoned her, the old one, with the child. When I get to my feet, I will definitely take my daughter: I will not let my grandmother cripple another girl.

"I became an outcast because I dishonored my parents by divorce."

Safia, 24 years old

I grew up in Karachay-Cherkessia. My parents are Muslims who lived according to Soviet laws, but did not forget about traditions either. Since childhood, I was ready for my father to decide the issue of my marriage, and I didn't really oppose it.

My father had a friend whose son had been asking for my hand for several years. I refused. But at the age of 17, my parents gave me off to him. They were afraid that I would be stolen: I was a tall and prominent girl. I managed to get used to my future husband, so I didn't rebel much. As he later admitted, I attracted him precisely by my refusals.

My husband was seven years older than me. He was a clean and naive guy. I fell in love with him right after the wedding - the first man, romance and all that, and we were very young. For my sake, my husband stopped drinking and seriously fell into religion: he made the Hajj to Mecca, began to pray. It was impressive.

But everything was spoiled by his relatives. My husband's stepmother and his sister were intriguing against me. It's a matter of banal jealousy and envy: their dear boy began to pay all his attention to his young wife, and not to them. My father-in-law was a tyrant, and my husband did not know his own mother, so he had problems expressing feelings, and he never learned to stand up for his wife. In his family, his wife was considered a draft horse. I was obliged to wear long robes, a scarf, not to put on makeup, I was forbidden to work anywhere other than at home. One day my husband said to me: "You are obliged to love my relatives, my friends and even my mistresses." We divorced due to endless gossip and scandals after two years of marriage. I left my husband on my birthday. Since then, I have not noted it - a black date.

The most important thing is not to rush, to find out all the ins and outs of the family of the future spouse. Indeed, in the Caucasus, a woman marries not only a man, but all his relatives.

At 20, I was left alone with a baby in my arms. She returned to her parents' house and became an outcast, because she disgraced her family by divorce. I would like to live separately, especially since I earned good money, but this is not accepted here. My parents constantly pressed on me and dreamed that I would return to my spouse. I understand them, they wanted me well. However, the miracle did not happen. My ex-husband soon remarried, and I was left with broken hearts, dreams and pride trampled into the mud. He does not participate in the life of our child in any way. I didn’t apply for alimony, so as not to be indebted to his family.

I did not receive any support from my parents, so I began to look for it on the side and found it in the person of my current spouse. He was very courteous, kind and affectionate with me and struck me with a reverent attitude towards my child. He is an ordinary hard worker, has no ranks or big money, but he tries to do everything for his family, sparing no effort and health. A year and a half after the divorce, I married him. I confess that I did not marry him for love. Escaped from the pressure. We do not live well, but I am free to do what I want, go where I want and wear clothes of my choice. I still suffer for my ex-husband: it is impossible to forget the first love. Sometimes I drive myself to a frenzy with thoughts of the past, I regret that I could not save my family and gave up so quickly. It's all the fault of youthful maximalism.

I hope that the traditions that oppress the rights of women will eventually be forgotten and women will become equal to men. You need to create a family only with the person whose outlook on life coincides with yours. The most important thing is not to rush, to find out all the ins and outs of the family of the future spouse, to get to know everyone if possible. Indeed, in the Caucasus, a woman marries not only a man, but all his relatives.

"I had nowhere to go, so I resigned myself."

Larisa, 31 years old

I was kidnapped eight years ago in Chechnya. That day I went to visit a friend. In one of the courtyards, I noticed an unfamiliar car, but did not attach any importance to it. We sat with a friend, and I was about to go home when an acquaintance called me and offered to meet. He was much younger than me, we communicated from time to time. On that day, he was passing through our village. My friend and I went out the gate, exchanged a few words with that guy. Then she literally entered the house for a minute. This guy and I stood for another five minutes. It was getting dark, and somehow I felt uncomfortable. I said goodbye and was about to go to my house, when suddenly the earth disappeared from under my feet. This guy grabbed me, covered my mouth with his hand and dragged me into the car. I am small, he is twice as large as me - it is useless to resist. There was a woman in the car - the bride of my future husband's brother, she grabbed me, and I tried to kick and scream.

I did not immediately understand what was happening and for whom I was stolen. As I later found out, this was one of my acquaintances, with whom I had not communicated for several years at that time and did not even remember his face. After a while, my friend missed me and began to call me, but my phone was taken away. I was taken far into the mountains. They were already waiting for me at the groom's house, and they pretended that I had come voluntarily. I sat in the car for two hours, refusing to get out. Then I got out - anyway, they were not going to take me back. My relatives were informed of what had happened only at 1 am, when it was already too late to follow me.

I went into the house, sat on a chair and began to cry. Women and children surrounded me. They tried to persuade me to come to terms and live on, they worked on me to the fullest. I sat in this chair all night and demanded to be returned home. Finally they put me in a car and drove back. I was glad that everything was over, but it was not there.

I was very upset about what had happened. The first few days I cried a lot. And my husband seemed to be ashamed of the fact that he stole me, he could not look me in the eyes

My relatives and the mullah have already gathered at home. They talked among themselves and began to put pressure on me. I cried, said that I did not want to get married, that I needed to study. They left, but then came back again. Relatives said that I tarnished my honor, because I stayed in someone else's house for the night, and it doesn't matter that there was nothing. This went on for many hours. In the end, I gave up and agreed to the marriage. During these two days I was terribly tortured, so I asked my family for a few days to come to my senses, but I was immediately taken to my husband.

I had thoughts of running away, but I thought not only of myself, but also of my parents - what it would be like for them to look people in the eye. You can say I sacrificed myself. Some relatives, who did not know that I had been married off by force, reproached my mother and me that I suddenly got married like this. My brothers were very unhappy with what my husband did. Then everyone calmed down.

I was very upset about what had happened. The first few days I cried a lot. And my husband seemed to be ashamed of the fact that he stole me, he could not look me in the eyes. For about a month I snapped at him, but then calmed down. My husband treated me well, felt sorry for me. I realized that I have nowhere to go, so it's better to put up with it and move on. I don't know if you can call it love, but slowly I became attached to him.

Two months after my marriage, a decree was issued in Chechnya prohibiting bride kidnapping.

I really need your advice. This summer, a big change has taken place in my family. I am 20 years old and I am still studying. When I entered, my parents told me that there could be no question of marriage until I finish my studies; Until this year I was wooed 10 times, but my parents refused each time, and I was calm. In the summer, a young man came to woo me, and my parents became obsessed with his money. I was categorically against this marriage, and today I remain against it, but my parents forcibly want to marry me off. At the same time, another guy came to woo me, but his parents refused him. And I chose the second one. They didn’t even ask me, they just shouted, beat me up and threatened to kill me if I didn’t marry that first one.

I can't understand why they do this. They see that I am on the brink - may Allah forgive me, I even thought about suicide. For my parents, the main thing, apparently, is money, before this incident I could not even imagine such a thing. I understand that they wish me a good life, but do I really need to do this by force ?!

Once the groom asked me if all this was happening with my consent, to which I told him - no. He replied that he did not want to force me to marry him, and we would have a falling out. I am very afraid for my parents, I am afraid to upset them, to hurt them. How should I proceed in this situation? How can I comfort my parents' anger, and correctly convey to them that I am against? And is marriage possible without my consent?

From the point of view of religion:

According to the Hanafi school of law (madhhab), no one has the right to force a woman to marry. Neither her father, nor her grandfather, nor the imam have such a right! A woman herself has the right to choose her husband and marry him. But on condition that her chosen one will be her equal (gender, religiosity ... are taken into account). Otherwise, the woman's guardian has every right to dissolve the marriage, because when a girl marries an unworthy guy, the honor of the family is offended.

And according to the Shafi'i madhhab, parents - namely, the father, if he is alive, if not, then the grandfather, the father of the father - have the right to marry their daughter (granddaughter) even without her consent. However, they have this right only under two conditions:

If the girl has not been married before.
If the chosen one, for example, by the father, the guy is her equal.

In any case, it is highly desirable to marry a daughter with her consent and contentment. After all, this is a manifestation of care and, possibly, a happy family future.

If the guy to whom you want to marry is religious, observes all the precepts of Islam and has a good disposition, then get married. Don't be fooled by the tales of princes on white horses. Perhaps the Almighty will give you love for him for the fact that you obeyed your parents and got married, although you did not want it. And if he does not observe the canons of Islam, then you should not marry him. There are even alims who claim that a woman who has consented to marriage and married a non-observant Muslim will be interrogated and punished on the Day of Judgment.

From the point of view of psychology:

Every parent's dream is to ensure happiness for their children. However, the problem is that everyone's idea of happiness can be different. And what parents see as happiness for their children can be perceived as a heavy burden by the children themselves. Of course, it is difficult to judge the true intentions of your parents, and even more so about what exactly could have liked them in this guy. It is far from a fact that, as you think, they are doing this, ostensibly for mercantile motives. This is just your opinion, which may not reflect the whole essence of what is happening. I am not saying this to reproach, not at all. The fact is that such an attitude can greatly distort your perception of the general situation and negatively affect the absentee opinion about the guy to whom they want to marry you. You need to look at everything objectively, without emotion.

There are many examples when a girl married a man proposed by her parents, even if there was internal protest in her, and everything eventually led to more than satisfactory relations in the family. Of course, there were also negative examples, but there are significantly fewer of them, and many of them were nothing more than a consequence of the impact of a negative attitude on the groom. Basically, these girls were guided by the attitude not to create a harmonious relationship with her husband, but to avenge his forced marriage.

Apparently, you are determined to ensure that the marriage does not take place, and no one can reproach you for this, this is your life, your feelings. If you are now trying to find a way to stay with your own and at the same time your parents would not show dissatisfaction, then you are setting yourself an unsolvable problem. In any case, your parents will not express joy that their daughter did not marry the person with whom they saw her future. Of course, they will not kill you, but they can create extremely unfavorable conditions for you. After all, if they have already agreed, then, most likely, negotiations are underway about your future with the groom's parents, who may be perceived by them as potential relatives. That is, they will have to give up a lot in order to make your decision.

Yes, you have found some way out that can significantly alleviate the situation. However, this guy will have to explain to his, and your parents, the reason for the refusal, which can lead to even more serious consequences.

Try to look at everything differently. What exactly is the reason for your refusal? Is there another guy who has positive feelings? So any feeling tends to pass, but the person remains. Is the person your parents suggest is that bad? Already from the fact that he puts your feelings above his own and is ready to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of yours, he positively reveals it. Take into account the fact that your parents will do their best to help you build harmonious family relationships. In general, we do not do everything in life because we like it; often what we perceive as difficult and unsatisfactory ultimately turns out to be a blessing, as well as vice versa.

Muhammad-Amin - Haji Magomedrasulov

Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev

consultant psychologist at the Center for Social Assistance to Families and Children

I don't know what to do: I've been dating a guy for 3.5 years. Secretly from my mother because she hates him. I cannot marry him against the will of my mother, because my mother (mine) threatens to commit suicide. There are no problems from his family. For my beloved, my mother will definitely not let me marry, I will marry against my mother's will, all my life I will blame myself for her death (I have her only daughter, my dad died 18 years ago, she raised me alone.). I don't want her to hate her grandchildren.

She sees only one husband for me. Not even, she only sees one father for her grandchildren. I'm scared to talk about it, but she even suggested that I seduce her friend's son and give birth to a child from him, even if outside of marriage. I'm not a prude at all, and I have nothing against having children out of wedlock. But. Without love. Use a man as a sire and a woman as a breeding female? And all this is to preserve the purity of the blood. Aristocracy, to her.

Father wants to marry

Hello Ekaterina! In your letter, you emphasize that: “My father and I quarrel very often over marriage. "And further:" since but wants me find rich guy. "Let's figure it out together. In fact - he did not find you the one he was talking about, but the fact that the father wants his daughter to marry a rich, promising, intelligent young man - what is wrong here? Any father who puts a lot of effort and energy into raising his daughter wants and wants this. But even earlier - you wrote that: "He comes to me at 10 o'clock in the evening and I come home late AND father said yesterday. ". How do you think your father feels when your boyfriend, who is not yet working, comes to you late and you return home late too, most likely after midnight? What does he feel and think ?? There is little pleasant, according to my feelings - HE worries about you, tk. He loves you, worries that nothing "like this" happens to you, maybe he himself does not realize his fear for you. But if your boyfriend came to you early and you came home at about 22:00 or 23:00, with the exception of birthdays, etc., then your dad would have a different attitude to you and your behavior. You need to talk to your father and clarify your relationship with him. Realize and understand, and what actually stands behind his words? What is his attitude and message to you personally? Moreover, you have not written anything: do your boyfriend and father know each other? Does he know about your prospects, do you have them? What are his intentions for you? If you come back late, then are you respecting your boundaries. What I mean? Are you keeping your word, are you returning to the time you said? Most likely not, since it is with this that you have frequent scandals with your father! If you came on time, introduced your boyfriend to his father, where he saw and got to know him better, then your relationship would take a completely different turn, favorable for you, your boyfriend, and your father! Answer yourself to this question: “Why, you can't meet at any other time of the day: daytime or so it’s not so late, or at least alternate. Realize your feelings for your father and do not ignore them, react and live, and then, your attitude and perception towards him will change and you will begin to see what was previously hidden from you! All the best! Respectfully yours, Lyudmila K.

Hello, Ekaterina, I do not understand what exactly you are looking for help with. If the question is whether to obey your father or not, then you decide for yourself. It is surprising to me, of course, that in the 21st century in the far from backward city of Almaty, a girl thinks whether she herself should choose a partner or her father's candidacy. But it is your right to live according to the laws you want. Just keep in mind that if a person gives responsibility for their life decisions to other people, then they will live not their own, but THEIR life. Although she can be well-fed and well-fed. And the choice of how you live, and whom to listen to (yourself or dad), I think, you are able to make yourself. All the best, Elena.

They want to marry me against my consent ...

Read online Forcibly Married author Layla - RuLit - Page 20

The mother made her own preparations, grumbling to herself. She did not want to anger my father before her husband arrived over all sorts of trifles in the kitchen, this is not customary. So she alone set the table worthy of a king. The aromas of food reached my nose, and I was getting worse from the growing anxiety.

My family returned from the trip and did not mention the guests, who must have flocked to the door of our house in Morocco in flocks. Of course, the matter was settled long ago. Mother only said that we were expecting a guest. Father added that we must try to please him. My life went on as usual, I continued to go to work, not attaching much importance to all these conversations about the guest, and by the beginning of autumn I was still not in the know. He showed up one Sunday evening. It was just at the time when, for an affair with a Muslim, the passion of one of my brothers was kicked out of the door by my own parents. Father received the girl from us without batting an eye; but if I asked for such a thing, I’m scared to imagine his reaction. Complete nonsense: a Muslim boy can date a girl of another faith, but a girl - never! Nevertheless, Melissa made the decision to change religion. She was obedient, obeyed family rules and went with them on vacation in Morocco. For the first time in her life, my friend lived under the same roof. She slept with me - she was not yet my brother's wife. Everyone, and I in particular, accepted Melissa as their own. It was great to share household chores with her. One day in late autumn, the phone rang, and a man's voice asked my father to phone. - Dad, it's you. Some kind of Musa. Mom suddenly began to fuss. - Musa? Is that what he called himself? This is the person who comes from Morocco.

The father married the girl without her consent, but the whole world turns upside down for her when she sees who the groom is

Wrapping herself tighter in a gray shawl, she suddenly remembered how warm it was in the summer, when her mother sometimes stroked her head, sitting in the evening on the porch of the house. In those minutes she thought about how the stars shine, about the defenselessness and fragility of the chickens that hatched in the morning, about how healthy and fearless the younger brother Victor is swimming. Five years have passed since the time her mother died, and Lisa kept remembering those magical warm evenings filled with her mother's presence. She carefully hid these memories, allowing her to be an ordinary carefree child even there, on the old porch of a distant house.

Everything was alien to Lisa in this poor, cold house. It was 1925, and Liza's family was no different from other similarly poor families who barely eked out their existence, trying to feed a dozen children's mouths. She, tired of the hard country work, when all the work was done, sat darning next to her stepbrothers, trying to overhear as much of their talk about school life as possible. Sometimes her father noticed this, and then it was not easy for Lisa: he showered her with a river of hurtful slaps in the face, drove her away to the coldest room, but soon forgot about her existence, so Lisa could return to her work the next day.

Psychological Assistance - Parents want to marry me off to someone I don't like

“My parents marry me off: at first I agreed, without communicating with the groom, but after that, when they bribed me, I saw the groom, I did not like him. Now I don’t know what to do - I didn’t see a single Muslim quality in him, and my heart doesn’t want to. And my parents want me to marry him. What should I do for Allah to be pleased with me - to listen to my heart or to my parents? "

A Muslim woman knows that Allah Almighty made a man the protector of a woman: "Men are the protectors of women, because Allah gave one of them an advantage over others and because they spend from their property" (Sura 4 "Women", ayah 34). Therefore, she chooses a man whom she would like to see as her patron and life partner.

Islam for all

It is very important to obey your parents, for Allah Almighty says: “Your Lord has ordered you not to worship anyone but Him, and to show kindness to your parents. If one of the parents or both of them reach old age, then do not speak angrily to them, do not grumble at them and address them with respect ”(Quran 17:23).

It must be added that in Islam, parents have no right to force their children to marry those whom they do not want. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) categorically stated: "A woman who has never been married cannot be given in marriage without her consent, and a woman who has been married cannot be given in marriage without her order."

It's scary to think, but the inner assertion that I am unloved by my mother has a catastrophic effect on relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happens that the son does not love his mother, then it is unlikely that he will be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is insecure in his abilities, does not trust people, cannot adequately assess the situation at work and outside the home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This also applies to daughters who do not love mothers.

The most precious word in life for every person is mom. She was for us the source of the most valuable thing - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults from whom you can hear the terrible words: "Mom does not love me ..."? Can such a person be happy? What are the consequences of an unloved child in adulthood and what to do in such a situation?

Parents are going to forcibly marry

Probably not looking after herself. There they do not follow their appearance as much as in Russia or Ukraine. The husband, most likely, has nothing to do with it. She just has bad teeth.
I'm not just talking about her, every second person has such a story with teeth. (maybe fashionable))))))). It's true about virgins. Although it's okay to be a virgin at 17.

And I think that parents will not advise bad things, if a person is serious and you, the author, loves, then you have to go out and get an education later when you are married. This is any better than going through 48 beds and never finding a worthy person or being disappointed in our modern men, deprived of any understanding of the family, traditions and responsibility.

Married Without Father's Permission 2

As Sheikh writes Umar ibn Qarakhdagyi ash-Shafi'i (died in 1355) in his book Ikhtilaf al-Ashyah fi fiqh ash-Shafi'i \ "Disagreement of the Sheikhs of the Shafi'i madhhab", p. 263: “The words of Ibn Hajar al-Haytami in the book“ Tuhfa ”indicate that his choice fell on the competence of the guardianship of the“ fasik'a ”(sinner). This is also the opinion of al-Ghazali, Imam al-Nawawi considered him a good opinion in the book "Rhodes", such a fatwa was given by Ibn al-Salah and al-Azrai. This opinion was considered strong by al-Subki, and it was also chosen by a group of other scientists. I will add: He was also chosen by Imam Izzud-din ibn Abdu-Salam in his "Fatavah".

In those countries where Muslims live in a minority or the state system excludes the presence of Shariah courts, but, however, there are organizations performing the functions of resolving divorce proceedings according to Sharia, Muslims should turn to them, or to reputable Scientists-Fakihs (lawyers) who can to act as a judge in controversial issues. The role of the Scientists in such a position, when Muslims do not have an Islamic ruler, is dominant, and in this case they are “Auwliya al-Umur” (leaders for Muslims).

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From time to time, people have stories about which they want to tell their grandchildren in old age. It is especially great when such stories happen within close-knit families.

site collected for you several non-fictional stories telling about the life of someone's family and friends. And let some lack special effects, but they are all sincere and full of family warmth.

The grandmother calls yesterday and complains that the grandfather has gone somewhere and has been gone for a very long time, asks to go and look. I say "okay, okay, I'll look," but I myself sit and look at my grandfather, who sits at my house and burns a portrait of my grandmother on a wooden board. They have an anniversary on Thursday.

"My 84-year-old grandmother apologized for walking in front of me in her nightgown. I said it was not a problem because she actually looks very cozy. After that she offered me one of her nightgowns too. And I could not refuse "

"I obviously need to talk to my daughter. But so far I don't even know what to say."

"My dad bought a selfie stick and that was the first thing he sent me."

I don’t know how many people know, but after being registered for pregnancy, in addition to constant observation by a gynecologist, a woman must go through narrow specialists. So, after completing this quest, I collected conclusions from all the necessary doctors. We sit in the evening with my husband at my parents, we drink tea with buns, and he asks about the results:
- Well, is everything all right?
- The oculist wrote "converging squint of the left eye", ENT - that the nasal septum is curved. Well, and also scoliosis.
Husband, slightly dazed:
- And what did you not tell me before the wedding?
To which my mom retorted:
- She was normal with us, it skewed her after the wedding.

"I ordered a custom sign with a family photo, but got a souvenir with a random Asian family and photoshopped penguins. I'm not even angry."
"This Halloween, my pregnant belly helped me. I present to you the Supernacho maternity costume."
- On our wedding day, my fiancé (already my husband) wrote on the sky lantern "Take me, I don't know her."
- The guy I'm not disdainful. It happens that I drop something on the floor, pick it up, blow it into my mouth. When the children appeared, I began to control myself, but I remember one case: we were sitting in the kitchen, my daughter dropped a piece of pie on the floor, and when my wife wanted to pick it up, my daughter shouted: “Mom, don't touch it! This is my father's piece!”
- We decided to go for the second child. And twins were born. Here they gave us heat. They shouted around the clock, especially actively - at night. It was VERY hard. And then one night my husband and I managed to put them to sleep. He went to the toilet. And I wanted to drink. I sit quietly in the kitchen in the dark. He goes out - I'm not with the children. To another room - no. I didn’t notice it in the kitchen. To the toilet - no. He began to rush around the apartment, then runs into the kitchen, turns on the light, his eyes are crazy: "I thought you ran away!" Really scared. But, I must confess, I had such an idea ...