The man does not let go and does not let go. Why does a man not want a relationship and at the same time does not let go. If the reason is sexual desire and jealousy

At first glance, a paradoxical situation is not so common when a man, on the one hand, does not want a serious relationship, but does not let the woman go either. (for example, he himself is married and is not going to get divorced. Maybe not married, but simply does not want the development of relations. For example, he promises to get married someday, maybe in 10 years)

And it doesn't just not let go. And it's not just that he doesn't want a serious relationship. He is still jealous of other men. He is jealous of her free time. He doesn't just not let go. He tolerates a woman's tantrums about her not the best position. He buys gifts for her. He tries to change for her, even if it is not easy for him. Sometimes he even wants a child from her. It is not uncommon for a woman to give birth to a child, and he lives in two families.

What is the reason for this behavior of a man? Why, on the one hand, he does not want a serious relationship, and on the other, he does not let the woman go.

This is actually a weird relationship phenomenon. But let's try to take it apart. And as soon as we begin to approach it, we immediately see two different situations, albeit united by some common features.

The first situation. A man in reality wants to break off his previous relationship, but this happens very slowly for him.

There are about 10 percent of such situations, no more.

Indeed, a man's marriage is falling apart. He really wants to start a new family and then he starts. But the breakup of a marriage is sometimes a rather lengthy process and not everything is simple there.

A man and a woman in marriage are united by the past, where there were many truly joyful and good things. They often have children. Almost always joint property. They have mutual acquaintances and even relatives of the wife, who have practically become friends.

All this keeps a man and a woman together, even if the very relationship between them is at an impasse.

Therefore, the breakdown of a marriage can last for years.

In addition, this process sometimes stops. Something happens, and the relationship is restored again. For example, they begin to live almost like strangers, in different rooms, each with its own budget and only talk about children and paying for an apartment. After some time (not always of course), they realize that they are losing a lot, that they are dear to each other and the relationship is being restored.

Indeed, in fact, if a wife possesses at least half of the qualities that a man values ​​in a mistress, then the marriage will never fall apart.

But even if everything is bad, then, as I wrote above, the disintegration of a family can last for years.

But in any case, it is almost always possible to distinguish a man whose family is falling apart from one who is looking for a mistress.

The marriage is still falling apart on the rise (scandals develop into housing in different rooms, etc.) Material evidence quickly appears (a statement of claim for divorce, etc.)

The second most common situation. The man does not build a serious relationship, but he also does not let the woman go, because it is so convenient for him.

Let's go through the remaining situations, which constitute the overwhelming majority of them.

The mistress in them (or just the woman with whom the man lives) is not a potential wife. Even if the man constantly claims the opposite. (More precisely, even the more he asserts this, the more likely that he says, just to get rid of) A mistress is a pleasant addition to family life. For some men, in view of their certain complexes, a mistress is a necessity.

And here it is not as important as in reality. Maybe he is appreciated and needed, but because of his complexes, he does not feel this. And if two women are fighting for a man, then some of them experience some kind of high. (not very clear to me)

Maybe he does not feel that his wife appreciates him as a man and he wants to show her that other beautiful and young women appreciate him. (In reality, a man who gets himself a permanent mistress, and even more so a child, almost always subconsciously "wants" to be caught, or at least his wife suspected him)

That is, a man in our situation is an egoist to the core. He, in fact, does not care about the interests of his mistress. I don't care that she might lose the chance to marry normally, to give birth to a child who will have a normal father, etc. He is usually interested in the fact that two women are pulling the rope for him (at least his mistress pulls). He just doesn't want a serious relationship.

Well, okay, I'm all about men and about men. Let's summarize them a little and move on to women.

The overwhelming majority of situations when a man does not let a woman go and does not develop a relationship (it does not matter if he is married or not, or a man simply did not have a serious relationship before) is a man's complete selfishness combined with complexes, when he needs more than just a woman's love , and the struggle of several women for him, tug-of-war (at least a mistress), is an intrigue when he is "caught" or something like that.

The fact that he gives gifts, suffers tantrums, changes his behavior or even agrees to the child - this, in fact, does not change anything. If a man has a need (inferiority complex) for women to pull the rope between each other for him, then in order to satisfy his strongest selfish need, he can make some decent sacrifices.

Well, okay, but what about a woman in this situation?

An ordinary woman who has at least average confidence in relation to men and does not have similar similar programs in the subconscious mind rather quickly leaves a married or unmarried man who does not want to develop a relationship.

The man says that he wants to get a divorce, which means tomorrow he shows her a statement of claim in court for divorce. (if needed)

He says that his wife is already a stranger, which means we come together to visit friends, parents and he introduces her as a woman with whom he is going to start a family in the near future. (or even dating his wife if they are really strangers)

If not, the relationship ends quickly.

And so what does it mean “a man keeps, but does not want the development of relations”? Does it hold them in chains or what? Holds back by blackmail? Of course not.

Holds with gifts, persuasion in the style of "Santa Barbara" and declarations of love, too, in the style of the Mexican TV series.

It turns out that a woman with a certain type of psyche or parenting programs is a necessary part of such a situation. She also realizes her essentially selfish desires to suffer. And do not think that this is such a rarity. Almost half of our population, to a greater or lesser extent, prefers to suffer, blame everyone around, ponder and discuss some situations in which they are right (politics is admissible), than actually trying to do something and change (or in parallel with changes )

In suffering, in being right, in being able to blame your failures on someone, there is a certain pleasure that a person often exchanges for real achievements and success.

And yes, about the fact that "He was deceiving me, and I could not guess that he has a wife."

This, of course, is again from the category of those cases when a woman wants to believe in something, and she does not take primitive steps to check the truth.

For example, an unmarried man can easily stay overnight with a woman on weekends, on New Year's holidays, and in general on any suitable day. You can safely come home to an unmarried man. You can see his passport. You can come to work for him. You can chat with his friends and relatives. With him, you can easily go abroad for a couple of weeks. You can usually see his phone without any problem.

And this is me very briefly. Therefore, I do not believe about the stories that I talked with a man for a couple of years and sincerely did not know that there was a wife.

What to do?

- Understand your selfish long-term interests.

Do not think that for a man who does not want a serious relationship, you are the most important thing in life, or even make up an essential part of his life. Remember, you are just a small addition to his Santa Barbara family. Imagine even the opposite situation to begin with. You have made a lover for sex. For you, he is 3-5% of your life, where there is a husband, children, work, finances, girlfriends, relatives, etc. He thinks that he is the most important in your life, since he was told a couple of compliments.

It's the same here. For him, you are just a means of satisfying some tiny part of his complexes. It doesn't matter what he tells you.

That is, you are the satisfaction of a small part of a man's selfish interests, some of his complexes.

— To clearly understand that the chances of a mistress of becoming a wife are scanty.

Read the statistics. How many mistresses then become wives? Somewhere I read that 5 percent. In my opinion, a little more, probably 10 percent. But these 10 percent also fall on those women, where men really have a marriage falling apart quickly and the growing signs of this decay are immediately visible, right up to the statement of claim for divorce. All this happens over the course of several months. (If you have been dating for more than a year, then the chances are vanishingly small)

That is, the chances of changing the role are scanty. The visits to the man's wife with scenes from Mexican TV series do not help either. Usually, such an arrival is followed by a grandiose scandal, but nothing changes for the mistress (even if the man was kicked out of the house, which is rare).

Do you need it?

— And vice versa. Breaking out of a relationship with a man, even without prospects, becomes more difficult over the years..

I hope this is obvious, but I repeat. There are examples when women were in the role of mistress for five, ten and thirty years, that is, until old age. They could not jump out of their role. Because over the years it becomes more and more difficult.

The easiest thing to do is before a few weeks or months have passed.

The reasons may vary. The most common is having a family.

The second most frequent man is a complete egoist and is so comfortable for him.

The third is that a man understands that a woman in her qualities simply does not pull the role of a wife (and rarely makes mistakes).

This is revealed simply. Or, according to the signs above, it is clear that the man is married. Or, after about six months of meetings, you do not move on to living together. (it does not matter, with the registration of marriage or not)

The fact that a man does not let a woman go does not speak of his love, but only that it is so convenient for him to live. After all, a loving person will think not only about himself, but also about the interests of his woman.

If a man does not want / cannot live together within a reasonable framework and then marry, then this relationship is doomed to failure. (I hope that you have already told him that you need to get married or you are breaking up). There is only one way out.

Don't bury your head in the sand. Soberly assess what kind of man you have, what kind of relationship you have with him, what stage of the relationship you are at, whether there is a prospect for the relationship. After that, make a decision and stick to it, despite any words of the man.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

Men do not immediately see their wife and mother of future children in a companion. And on this score, there are no complaints - this is absolutely normal. But what if the relationship has become more than romantic and froze in place? After all, according to the logic of things, the couple should step to a new level. It should, but something is stopping her. Or rather, not something, but a companion that begins to behave like a "dog in the manger." The woman is in limbo, and quite reasonable thoughts begin to overwhelm her: why does a man not want a serious relationship? Why does he keep his distance, but does not strive to let go? How to behave and do you need to do something? Male psychology is very interesting, sit down, girls, we will understand this topic.

The most common reasons why a man doesn't want a serious relationship

Many women think that banal fear is the reason for abandoning a serious relationship. It's a delusion. There are many more pitfalls. There are so many of them that even the man himself does not know all his fears.

So, what are the reasons for not wanting to develop a serious relationship:

1. Unsuccessful life examples. If a man has an unsuccessful relationship in the family, or friends are oppressed by marital status every day, this leaves its mark. The guy sees that taking a big step leads to frustration and suppression. Then why do you need this step if you are already fine together?
2. Habit. This is the option when the man is sure that you will always be there. He is comfortable, he is used to your food, meetings, conversations. You are reliable, cheerful, faithful, what else do you need to be happy?
3. Immaturity. Young guys rarely want to start a serious relationship, so when you start dating them, do not flatter yourself too much. Why would he? Parents give material benefits, friends - comfort and fun, you - everything else. Nobody owes anything to anyone, life is beautiful.
4. Side pressure. This is usually done by relatives or unlucky comrades. "You are still young, do not do stupid things", "You have so many prospects in your life, but you are ruining everything", "There are still a lot of such beauties waiting for you, where you are in a hurry", "You deserve more" ... The authority of the parents, of course, is great, but do you need such a partner?
5. Indecision, cowardice. There are such always doubting men. And your relationship is smooth, and love reigns between you, but obsessive cockroaches in his head always tilt the scales in one direction or the other.
6. Previous sad experience. A man is so overwhelmed by fears and doubts that he is simply not able to let in serious feelings.
7. The companion's intrusiveness. A psychological defense called "resistance" is triggered here. Even if a guy is in love, he will not want a serious relationship just because the girl is too assertive and demanding. “All my friends are already married”, “You promised to marry”, “Let's live together, otherwise I'll go to someone who appreciates me more.” They run away from such annoying ladies without looking back, no one wants to be under the thumb.
8. Polygamy. Not to be confused with the pathological womanizer. Such a man, in principle, does not see the need for marriage. This is the sultan, who has the right to be in an open relationship with whoever he wants (in fact, he may have one girl, but he knows how to indulge his pride).
9. A man feels like little boys next to a woman. If a woman plays the role of a mother, taking care of him at every step (put on gloves, go to bed, you cannot sausage, take care of your eyes), then the chances of a serious relationship are small. If, of course, the companion itself is infantile, then you will be the perfect couple.
10. The man understands that you do not pull on the role of a legal wife. There is something in you for a serious life (slow, absent-minded, ignore his needs, lazy, dependent on external factors, have different interests, plans for the future). Believe me, this is even for the best, otherwise you will both suffer.
11. Self-interest. He lives entirely at your expense: housing, recreation, shopping, going to restaurants, etc. Why not marry? But the main thing is not there. Where is Love?
12. The woman suppresses the companion, treats him dismissively (makes him do his homework, jokes about him in front of friends, ignores his requests, in any conflict, puts ultimatums). Who wants to be the half of a domineering companion? And why do you need a man who is obviously weaker than you?
13. Fear of feelings. This applies to inexperienced guys who are afraid of their strong feelings. This also happens, all that is required of you is to give him time to collect his thoughts.

There is another rational reason why a man does not seek to build a serious relationship now. These are material and everyday difficulties. The partner may feel ashamed or embarrassed by not being able to provide for his partner at the moment. This is normal, even correct, because he is ready to take responsibility for your presence in his life!

The main advice is to look at things soberly. If a man is simply dismissive of you, do not look for psychological reasons in his behavior, they are not there.

If a man doesn't want a serious relationship, why doesn't he let go?

This is a kind of situation: I won't eat it myself, and I won't give it to someone else. Such men are real egoists who behave absolutely the way they want, while keeping the woman in the dark and false hopes. Usually these are excellent manipulators - a guy may not call for a week, and then he will crumble in love confessions.

Why does a man not let go of his chosen one, despite the fact that he does not want a serious relationship with her? Let's not consider the option of a married man - with this, everything is clear. He appreciates you as an additional link, the main one is always the wife, no matter what tales they feed you (we will divorce soon, I love only you, we live as neighbors, I am with her for the sake of the children). These songs are always the same, believe me. Only on rare occasions does a mistress occupy that coveted main post. Why won't you let go? Why? You raise his self-esteem, he breathes with you, he feels wanted, needed. A man fills the void that has formed with his legal wife. And that's all.

Apart from this, the most common reason is convenience. You have common interests, you will always wait for him, feed him, hug him, pet him. You are constantly available - they come to you when they want and any behavior is accepted without question. When a man gets used to this, it makes no sense to count on a more serious attitude towards himself. Letting go of such a woman is a sin - who else will treat him so unforgettably.

There is a second common option: a man loves his companion, but refuses to build a serious relationship because of the nature (habits, behavior) of his beloved. If there is something in you that stops him, he will hope to the last for your correction. Are you too hot-tempered or sullen? Or refuse to cook dinners? Do you have 4 cats and is he allergic? Do you spend more time with your friends than him? Think about it.

You can keep a woman near you for a number of other reasons:

• a man is simply afraid of being alone (category 35+);
• he is fixated on himself, and comes to his companion only for fresh praise, a portion of love, recognition, clean socks or a favorite borscht;
• he is flattered by this turn of events;
• entangled in your feelings;
• has two women in mind, and each of them complements each other in qualities and skills.

If a guy does not want a serious relationship, but does not want to part at the same time, this is a dangerous trap for women. The sly man does not just keep his companion, he shows her his interest in every possible way. She buys gifts for her, is jealous of her, takes care of her, gets angry. With his sudden attacks, he makes it clear how dear she is to him, pulling her by an invisible thread in situations convenient for him. But at the first opportunity it leaves! Such a relationship lasts as long as the woman will allow it.

Man after divorce

Divorce is a great shock for men. It doesn't matter for what reasons and on whose initiative it happened, the representatives of the stronger sex experience it painfully. If a woman can express her emotions to relatives, in intimate gatherings with her friends, in her own transformation, then a man often closes in and even climbs into a bottle. Such untapped trauma remains in the soul for a long time, leaving an imprint on further behavior.

A man is not ready for a serious relationship after a divorce for several reasons.

First, too little time has passed since the breakup. And if the divorce was difficult (division of property, insults, court, tears of children), then fresh wounds purely morally push a man away from a serious relationship. He resists, fears, rejects, doubts, does not trust the opposite sex. This will last until the unpleasant memories are erased. If, moreover, the man still loves the former, the current one will lose to her on all fronts. Only his wife knew how much sugar he needed in tea, what was his favorite tie color, what to serve after a hard day at work.

The second situation is that too much time has passed since the divorce. This case is more serious, because the man has already fallen in love with his free status. He controls himself - he eats, sleeps, plays at the computer, drinks beer as much as he wants. The lone wolf does not intend to change anything in his habit, and he perceives any conversations on serious topics too sharply. He defends his freedom and will stop any attempts to encroach on it. Here, a serious conversation is imperative, because an inveterate bachelor is sincerely surprised at what weighs you down in such a wonderful, stable relationship.

There is another option that the man does not trust his partner. Especially if his ex-wife betrayed him. Or the previous marriage was so unsuccessful that it introduced serious destructive attitudes:

• whatever you do for your wife - there will be no gratitude, response, praise, respect, support;
• the woman is constantly yelling, unhappy with everything, angry, disheveled, unkempt;
• all women become indifferent after a year of marriage;
• in the family they only know what to demand, reproach, cry, suffer;
• living together is a complete inconvenience, a violation of personal space.

Only a truly loving, devoted and patient woman can help him overcome psychological difficulties. Such positions in life have become stronger every year, so do not hope to fix this in a short time.

If you really want a serious relationship with a man, but past sad experience greatly interferes, seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will help your chosen one rethink values ​​and let go of past grievances in order to take a step towards happiness.

If a man is afraid of a serious relationship

Fears in adults are not formed from scratch. If a guy does not want a relationship only out of personal fears and doubts, then you have every chance of building a harmonious union. It just takes time.

So, if a girl is sure that love lives between them, but for some reason the young man is afraid to step forward, she needs to prove that they can be happy together. Prove not in word, but in deed, behavior, attitude. There are several recommendations from psychologists on this score.

The first and main step is to make it clear to him that you are a mature ally. There is a category of girls who, for any reason, throw tantrums, scandals, cry, take offense at trifles. This behavior is insanely frustrating and repulsive to the male gender. Ladies mistakenly exalt themselves to the rank of bitches, but with such individuals the fears of getting married are only exacerbated. Try to moderate your ardor. Passion is great, but let go of the drama. Try to become a good friend for your partner, with whom he should develop mutual understanding and trust. Then you can calmly articulate further relationships and existing fears. To speak and decide, of course.

The second step is to be a mature ally, but a defenseless woman. Trust me, it's compatible. Start to need your man. Let him take care, take care of you, give you positive emotions. However, without whims and pointers, what and how to do! He's in charge, so give him the steering wheel. But for this to be so, you must first learn to please and surprise your partner. Start, he will be pleased, and he will definitely reciprocate.

The third step is to constantly develop yourself. A man is afraid not only of loud, hysterical women, but also of stupid ones. Your task is to be always interesting and exciting. The guy needs to see how original personality is in front of him. Then he will be completely absorbed in you, and will never want to let you go.

The last step is no prohibitions. A young man who does not want a serious relationship is afraid of losing his freedom. Show him the opposite! Let your man do what he pleases. Let him go fishing, get out with friends to the bar, fiddle with his motorcycle on Saturdays. The main thing is not to sit at home at this moment and do not harass yourself in vain, otherwise a scandal is guaranteed. Keep yourself occupied with something interesting, let the fourth step remind you of it. Learn to trust him, because if the girl is still sure that her partner will run to the left, why are they together?

This only works when fear is the reason for unwillingness to enter into a serious relationship. Then, step by step, you will cross the coveted finish line.

How to behave a woman

The beloved man said that he did not want a serious relationship, but wanted ease and communication without obligations ... Well, at least he said - at least your further behavior will be meaningful.

Yes, it is bold, frankly, but how to react to such words? How to behave and are such statements normal? Such phrases are unpleasant, but acceptable in a relationship, because you are immediately shown the cards. Your job is to figure out what to do with these cards.

The first step is to have a serious conversation on this topic. Find out - does not want to at all or right now? If now, limit the time frame. For example: let's meet (we'll live) for 3 months, if nothing changes, we'll have to leave. So the companion makes it clear that she refuses to waste time. This strategy is perfect for those situations if the couple already lives in the same territory or the chosen one is too young in age.

If your companion is repulsed by your behavior, find out what exactly makes him nervous. As soon as a woman rationally approaches this issue and begins to change, the man's attitude towards her will change. He will see that you are interested in him, appreciate him, value him, and this is the main thing.

If the chosen one is with you due to the lack of another woman, tell me honestly that you are ready to become his loyal and devoted companion, but in the case of a normal relationship. Do not allow yourself to be used. This will make him look at you with different eyes. Believe me, after that, respect for you will grow by 200%.

If a man ignores a serious relationship because he is fixated on himself, either accept him as such, be a shadow and a faithful companion, or become like him. Just match the queen look.

If you are just an indecisive man - know that it will be like this all your life. Talking is unnecessary, you just have to take matters into your own hands. Write a statement to the registry office, buy him a suit, choose a place of rest. Exaggerated, but honest.

Do you need to talk and work on relationships in all cases? There are times when you need to run without looking back. These are situations when a man is guided by selfish motives, if he is a typical womanizer or neurotic personality. Believe me, in these cases, the chances of a serious relationship are zero.

What action to take

So, a man wants a relationship without commitment. Whatever the woman says, and no matter how hard she tries to keep her face - it hits below the belt.

What to do, what actions to take so as not to bite your elbows later? Before you make the final decision, remember that this is only your life, so any step for you will be correct a priori!

All a woman can do in such a delicate situation is:

• try to revitalize (stir up) the relationship;
• take the same position as a man;
• break a hopeless romance.

We will not consider the second point seriously, since this is a deliberately losing position. All that a woman will achieve is to throw off a heavy burden of responsibility from a man, making his life even more beautiful. And she herself will suffer from this - this is how psychology works.

How to liven up a relationship

Revitalizing a relationship is a great job. It should be carried out only if love really reigns between people. Therefore, recognize in time what it is: fear of entering into a serious relationship or unwillingness? If a man avoids spending time with you, becomes cold in bed, gets angry, scandalizes and argues for no reason, has become secretive, then, alas, you are dealing with indifference. Then it will be a completely different story.

If the relationship just froze in place, be patient. Patience is the most basic quality that will come in handy for you now. You must become wise, which means patient, malleable, sexy, sincere, forgiving, faithful and stable.

The first thing to understand: it is impossible to remake a grown man. You can adjust his attitude to something, but nothing more. Therefore, no reproaches - it hits his self-esteem. Praise, admire, support. Let him understand that he needs you. You are a ray of light, without which it is still dark for him.

Become emotionally independent of him. You will regret, hug, praise, but excuse me, get up early tomorrow and you have to go to bed. How can you do this to him - the center of your universe? Well, like that, you are a planet in itself. Then the man will want to get close to you, so as not to let you slip away.

Agree with him more often. Smile playfully and agree. This will add a healthy note of interest and puzzlement. Only let it be in adequate situations, otherwise a violent scandal is inevitable.

And of course, always surprise him. Be unpredictable in a positive way: in sex, behavior, reactions, words, gestures. Let him want to recognize you. Being interested in you is the final step on the road to a serious relationship.

How to end a hopeless relationship

Understand that depressing relationships are maintained only by codependents. And codependent people are not able to give happiness to others, nor to be happy themselves. They don't like you, but they don't let you go either, which means it's time to leave yourself.

How to come to this?

• understand that a happy union does not depend on just one person, and you did everything you could in this relationship;
• a harmonious union is built only on love, and not on fears of being alone;
• a sick relationship cannot be cured, even if you want to do it with all your heart;
• realize that by becoming freer, you will find true happiness, for what is called happiness now is a surrogate;
• deciding to leave, do it without negative emotions - only indifference can break the vicious circle.

The man does not want a relationship, but wants to continue to communicate? No and no again! What for? To walk in a vicious circle again? This is a "fit" relationship that will never grow into something more. They said how they cut it off! Get angry with yourself in the end! You only have one life to spend on the one who will one day leave for another without a twinge of conscience. And you? And you were warned that it will be so!

So tell me you met another. Like a butt on the head, yes! If you try to be polite, babysit and quietly say that you just went your separate ways - nothing will work! He will persuade, build a victim or take offense, which will only cause you to feel guilty. Persuasions, pleas, calls, sms, courtship (believe me, they are temporary), empty promises are a thing of the past.

To think less and to be sad, psychologists suggest giving yourself up to activities that are beneficial. Sports, work, study, gatherings with friends, general cleaning of the house, a visit to parents, a long-awaited trip, etc. Make a list of the disadvantages of an unlucky partner - in moments of despair, look there to be sure of the correctness of your decision.

Then we begin to love ourselves. We paint our lips, smile at others, put on our favorite outfits! We open our eyes wider, now your gaze suggests that you are a free girl. You live the way you want, meet those with whom you want, breathe deeply. No one else pulls you on a short leash, no one manipulates your behavior and mood. Do you smell the magic? This is how freedom smells!

Psychologists say - if a guy does not want a serious relationship with a girl, most likely this is not the last chosen one in his life. Usually men dig the earth with their hands until they achieve that the desired woman completely belongs to him. If they infantilely declare that they want a free relationship, it means that they want it with you. Accept it or not - it's up to the woman to decide. You can try, but it is unlikely that anyone will bring pleasure and happiness. Do not drag yourself into a quagmire of tears, longing and eternal waiting. Look at yourself - you are definitely worthy of full love. Let only the one who needs you like air be in your life! Be happy!

Watch a helpful video:

The candy-bouquet period grew into a passion and a strong passion. But at one fine moment in the rapid movement towards joint happiness, calm came, forcing the woman to look for the reasons for such a turn. The lady is in constant expectation of a serious step from her beloved man, receiving in return only painful and long days of waiting for a call and the already habitual rumbling into the receiver: "Very busy, I will call back later." The woman feels like a hostage to the situation and rushes about in search of a way out. Men do not have the slightest desire to change their status as a free person, at the same time they do not want to part with their partner and are trying with all their might to keep her close to them.

A man does not want a serious relationship - the situation is reminiscent of a dog in the hay, which does not eat itself and does not give to anyone: the relationship seems to be there, but in fact there is none. The behavior of a partner resembles a pendulum: he wanted to - he called and called, and then simply evaporated for a whole week. Today he is positive and gallant, tomorrow he will not even smile.

If a man notices that his partner is losing interest in him, he again begins to look after him beautifully and tries to convince her of his love. And all this is only in order to once again shower the woman with indifference and cold in a few days. So a man throws off all responsibility for the subsequent development of relations. It is better to prevent an unpleasant situation than to experience constant disappointment and spend time restoring your mental strength.

Before you understand what a woman should do in such a situation, it is necessary to penetrate into the very depths of a man's inner world: what is happening in his soul and what principles he is guided by when he avoids serious relationships.

The main reasons for this behavior:

1. 1. The man was very sensitive to family scandals and the indifference of his ex-wife.
2. 2. He could not fulfill the natural need of the male to make his soul mate happy.
3. 3. Family life is associated with him with constant demands, reproaches and dissatisfaction with the one for which he once felt a strong feeling.
4. 4. The man put all his efforts into providing for the family, but did not receive any gratitude, respect and support from his wife.
5. 5. He is sure that living together is a constant tension and life that kill all good things.

As a result, the man decides that the family is not for him. It is easier to deal with everyday life yourself and maintain excellent health. You need to look for a woman not for family life, but only for love. He really wants to have home comfort, a spouse who meets him from work, a delicious dinner, but he no longer believes that she can be understanding and loving. Therefore, in order not to reassure the woman and not run into reproaches, the man warns that he does not need a serious relationship.

Why does a man keep a woman near him?

Every man is flattered by the thought that there is one who loves him and is ready for anything for him. Oftentimes, you don't even need to strain to achieve this. So why should he give up what floats into his hands.

There are several more reasons why a man does not want to leave:

1. 1. He already has a long-term relationship with another. Until a man is sure that he has a new love, he does not want to tear his old affection, since he considers the woman his property.
2. 2. He got confused in his feelings, since he has two women. This is a rather difficult situation, because it is difficult for a married man to decide which of them he has true love for.
3. 3. He believes that he is still too young for family life and the current situation suits him. Maybe the guy will be ripe for a serious decision by the age of forty. And to wait or not - it is up to the woman to decide.
4. 4. A man is flattered by such a relationship, allows him to feel like the arbiter of destinies, so he does not want to change anything.
5. 5. He is afraid of loneliness, especially if he is already over 35. This situation often becomes the cause of an unhappy union.

Letting go of failed love

If a woman thinks that she does not deserve the role of a trophy hunter for broken hearts, she must leave such a partner in the past. Commitment to each other is not something to joke with.

By and large, it is not so important why he is afraid of a serious relationship and does not let go. There are many reasons for this and they are not advertised. It is better to leave this and not try to get to the bottom, believe that this was another mistake that cannot be corrected.

It is important to take a closer look at how many enthusiastic looks are seeking female attention. It is worth encouraging them with a mutual glance. It must be remembered that happiness depends on the level of personal freedom. And without the pain of parting, the road to happiness is impossible. Better to take the first step towards breaking up and remain confident that you deserve the best.

We must admit to ourselves that there is a dead end ahead and there is no other way out and try to return to the light. First, you will have to do it alone, until a worthy person brightens up the path and puts his strong shoulder in. We must believe that he will help to see life in new positive colors. And the prospect of being dependent on the length of the leash, which does not allow either to get close or to turn to the side, is the lot of the weak.

Liberation

You should not look for reasons why the partner does not want to marry and keeps near him. Continuing a relationship without commitment makes most women unhappy, and that's enough. Better to turn away and rip this person out of your heart.

1. 1. One in the field is not a warrior. The woman made every effort to preserve love and develop relationships. But both partners must do this.
2. 2. Do not torment love. Once the decision to break up is made, there is no need to try to heal the sick relationship. Love should not be a burden, it should be mutual. If the lover wants to slip away, let him step aside and give way to another.
3. 3. It is necessary to increase your self-esteem and remember that this is done only with the inferior.
4. 4. No need to cling to a hopeless relationship. The fear of loneliness is great, but an icy existence with an indifferent partner has no advantages. It's time to thaw out.
5. 5. Analyze the situation that has arisen should be calm. To understand: why, loving a man, she did not become happy, it will be possible only after parting.
6. 6. We need to gather courage, because any break is not easy. Any changes are frightening with a violation of stability. Over time, the understanding will come that all changes bring only good.
7. 7. The confidence that the gap is a deliberate decision will give new strength. Making a list of grievances against your ex is great support when despair rises.
8. 8. Go to the very end. If you remain confident in your righteousness, you should not stupidly look through the wall and sit alone. Relatives and friends will always be able to distract and offer their support.
9. 9. It is necessary to part without reproaches and accusations. After all, it has long been clear why he does not want a serious relationship and does not let go of himself: because he was always forgiven and allowed to be around, remaining a stranger.

Life is never easy for anyone. Getting out of the shackles of optionality is difficult, and so that it does not turn into constant stress, you can again entrust all the shortcomings to a clean slate. Only this time their own. The path to self-improvement begins with working on yourself.

If you love such a man?

What should a woman do who has strong feelings for such a man and hopes to marry him:

1. 1. She must understand that it will not be easy to change the already established beliefs of an elderly man. It is necessary to accept the fact that any reproaches from her partner will be perceived very painfully and they will only strengthen his belief that all women are capable of being perfect for only a very short time.
2. 2. An excellent solution is to heal yourself, work on your inner convictions regarding a serious relationship, try to free yourself from imposed stereotypes and harmonize your condition. This will give new strength to accept a man for who he is, and to agree to an open relationship. The partner's dissatisfaction will turn into a feeling of gratitude for the fact that she managed to change herself and realize a lot. Instead of constant reproaches, a woman has a desire to love him, because she has freed herself from fears, resentments and social stereotypes.
3. 3. In the meantime, the man will observe how long she has enough patience and continue to be afraid. He will have an increased desire to constantly be around and take care of her. Gradually, a man is convinced that this is exactly the woman that he needs, because she is very different from all the former.
4. 4. It is important to remember that men do not believe in words, but in time. In the end, a patient woman gets what she deserves - a loyal and caring partner, whom she herself has learned to understand, appreciate and accept him for who he is. Such a woman owns everything that unmarried ladies dream about, who are still in the grip of society.

Output

In separation, it is easier to understand whether this is the man and whether it is worth clinging to him with all your might. Only by forbidding oneself such a relationship, one can start a new, open life.

What is a successful man looking for in his chosen one? A beautiful face, the figure of a photo model, the voice of an opera diva? Perhaps…

But a spectacular appearance is not enough for a man to give you his heart forever.

So, meet the 12 most important qualities of a woman that a successful man will never let go of her embrace.

1. SMART

A man, even the most successful one, needs an intelligent and wise woman. If he has something to talk about and what to discuss after a working day at dinner with his beloved, then his day was a success. A lively mind and breadth of outlook will surely help you not only to charm a man while dating, but also to delight him for many years in family life.

2. FEMALE

Beauty is an abstract and individual concept. But femininity is very specific. It is either there or it is not.

For a successful man, femininity in his chosen one is important in everything: in clothes, in gait, in movements, in voice, in serving oneself. A man needs a woman, and this must not be forgotten, especially when once again trying to put on old jeans and a stretched sweater in his presence.

Try to stay feminine at all times, watch and take care of yourself in every free minute, love yourself and pamper yourself with various little things.

3. CARING

Kindness and care are what men value no less than external data. A successful man needs female care and affection, so try to show it as often as possible, and not only at the beginning of a relationship, but throughout your life together.

4. LOVING

This is by far the most important quality for a woman in a relationship with a man. When a woman loves, she loves with all her soul. A successful man feels the love of his soul mate, you don't even need to talk about it out loud. He himself will feel everything.

5. ENERGY AND FLEXIBLE

In the later stages of a relationship, it happens that life together becomes gray and monotonous. Therefore, it is important for a woman to have lively energy, flexibility and a positive attitude.

Do not sit idly by, act, do interesting things, travel, go to exhibitions, meetings with friends and involve your man in these activities. Share your energy with him. Sometimes he misses it so much ...

6. READY TO GO TO COMPROMISE

If both partners are stubborn to the point of loss of consciousness, then there can be no talk of compromise. But, if you are a wise woman, then be sure to show flexibility and be able to compromise with your beloved man.

I am not saying to give in in everything, sacrificing yourself for his sake. No! Compromise is a beneficial solution for both partners.

Today you will compromise, and tomorrow he will. This is the key to a healthy relationship.

7. HONEST

A successful man values ​​a woman's honesty. And this applies not only to age and the presence of children.

Little lies like a snowball, day after day, are overgrown with other lies and turn into a huge threat to relationships.

Be honest with your loved one. Speak the truth when answering his questions. And most importantly, do not be silent if you see that your man is wrong or wrong about something. Tell him honestly about it.

8. STRONG BUT SMART TO BE WEAK WHEN YOU NEED TO

A harmonious combination of these qualities is important here. A man and a woman are partners in a relationship, so it is important to include strength of character when it is really needed. For example, to help your man to solve something very important, to support or inspire new achievements. But, at the same time, it is important not to overpower the role of a man!

Show feminine weakness at the right time. Show him that you need his protection, his strong man's shoulder ...

9. PASSIONATE

A life of adventure, thrill and passion is well worth living together.

Excite your man with an ardent passion, not only in bed, but also in relation to everything in your life together!

10. VERSATILE

Men are by nature polygamous and strive for diversity. Therefore, try to surprise your man by trying on different roles and images. Experiment in both the bedroom and the kitchen. Intrigue, play, joke. Don't let him get bored.

11. PURPOSE

It is important for a successful man that his woman does not “waste” life, but follows an important goal for her. And it doesn't matter if it's the goal of becoming a great actress, artist, businesswoman, or the best mother in the world.

12. NATIVE

Probably the most important condition for a long, strong, and happy relationship with your beloved man is soul kinship.

And I will not talk about how to become a "native" for a successful man. Soulmates are two halves of one whole. You must find yours to create something worth living for.

Believe me, if a man, looking at you, will feel this invisible, but such a strong connection, he will not go anywhere from you!

If a woman has such a question, then there is already a discord in the couple. And he's very serious. On the other hand, if a man did not inform openly, clearly and completely about the separation, then there is something that prevents him from doing it.

That is, there are two factors in your relationship:
1. Disconnecting;
2. Retainer.

There can be many reasons for the disconnecting factor. We partially examined them in the chapters “Why a man doesn't want a family”, “Why a man doesn't call after a first date” and “Why a man doesn't call after several dates”. We are now more interested in what does not give a man a direct and unequivocal parting.

1. Failure to make a decision. Such a man will delay the time as long as possible when it will be necessary to say unambiguously, "no" or "yes". All his life other people decided for him: mom, teacher, dean, boss. He doesn't really know how it will be better for him, and how it will be worse. He is afraid to make the wrong choice, and therefore unconsciously decides not to make it at all. This decision consists in the absence of any explicit decision.

2. He sees in the lady what he really does not like, but there is a glimmer of hope in him that the woman will correct herself. In general, this property of many today's men is the hope of the opportunity to re-educate an adult. To accustom the club gulien to the family hearth, and the scandalous aunt to the calm solution of issues. We do know, however, that adults are virtually resistant to reeducation. If they do change, then very slowly and under the influence of very strong factors that make the current behavior impossible. But good-natured, naive or overly romantic men still believe that they can change a person. Therefore, he kind of gives a woman the opportunity to eradicate in himself what he does not like. Some even succeed.

What to do? Two options: either really work on yourself, or look for a man who will not care about your vice (or what the partner considers as such). And even to the liking. Two club revelers are the best pair. As well as two desperate brawlers. They will definitely not be bored together!

3. Fear of being alone. The man understands intellectually that everything is over, but his internal phobias prevent him from breaking completely. This happens in men who grew up in an atmosphere of constant danger of losing the disposition of loved ones, in fear of being left alone, without their love, support, physical presence. Therefore, such men are ready to keep anyone near them, just so as not to be alone.

What to do? In general, if the reason for being with a woman is limited only to the phobia of loneliness, then still nothing good will come of it. Apart from a neurotic relationship, painful for both parties, nothing will work out. Therefore, it is better in such a situation to end the relationship very gently and carefully (who knows what such a man can do ?!). Alternatively, you can introduce him to some of your girlfriend. Switch the man's attention to her. On the one hand, there is a danger of putting a pig on your friend. On the other hand - maybe he and your girlfriend are just right for each other?

4. He has other options besides this woman, and he keeps her in reserve. One of those options that comes to mind first. And in fact, this is one of the most common options. The man is a ladies' man, a pick-up artist and he has many women. Maybe he has not yet decided whom to give preference to, maybe he has already decided, but he does not want to let this woman go either. Sits on the bench.

What to do? Do not mess with womanizers.

5. He cannot figure out what exactly he does not like about a woman, and therefore he is afraid to make the wrong decision. It happens in inexperienced men who do not understand the essence of female behavior, as well as female manipulation. Such a man feels that something is wrong, that he is somehow used, that they create discomfort, but he is not able to understand exactly what exactly is happening. Or the woman is simply not him, but he definitely cannot make out what exactly bothers him about her. It also occurs in men who cannot verbalize their emotions. Somehow he is uncomfortable with her, but why exactly - who knows?

What to do? If this is the reason for the strange behavior of a man, then it is best to talk thoroughly, honestly and directly. For a man to say what exactly he doubts. What worries him. What he doesn't like. He will tell you - and you answer his doubts in detail, dispel them. It often happens that after discussing a problem, it disappears by itself. And parting is completely optional.

6. The positive aspects of a woman prevent him from finally parting, and the negative ones prevent him from continuing a stable relationship. A man sees both those and others, can voice them to a woman, but is not able to understand what outweighs, what matters more to him. What gets in the way or what you like.

What to do? If you are interested in this man, then it is best to start with a conversation too. It is possible that he does not like exactly what you can quickly and easily fix. If a man is not particularly dear to you, or if the obstacles are really serious, then you better part with him on your own. Dragging out hopeless negativity will only add pain to you and him.

7. Women (and you in particular) do not occupy any significant place in his life at all... He is a fanatical scientist, musician, traveler, or totally passionate about his career. Therefore, he does not care whether you are with him or leave. He does not take any steps in this regard: neither for nor against. From the outside, it looks as if he does not hold, and does not let go.

What to do? If you want a purposeful hero to whom you want to become a faithful companion - here he is, in front of you. This is most likely a strong-willed person who knows what he wants and moves towards his goal, no matter what. He will definitely not lie on the couch with a bottle of beer around the clock and endlessly watch football. If you want a more domestic, "tame" man - look for another. But do not forget that now the dedication and will to win in men are very weak.

8. He needs a woman to implement some of his plans, which she does not know about. Starting from fictitious relationships for the sake of business reputation (in some companies it is required that the applicant for a high position be married or at least in a long-term relationship) and ending with the use of your money (if there is any, and the man has no income). To take revenge on your ex, show off in front of your friends, put a tick in front of your name in a notebook (common in a pickup truck), prove to yourself that he is still hoo (typical for older men). There are a lot of options for such use of you for personal purposes.