Home Flowers Chechen men are what lovers they are. Interviews with Chechens about relations with Russians and interethnic contradictions. - Do you often travel to Chechnya? How do you feel there

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Chechen men are what lovers they are. Interviews with Chechens about relations with Russians and interethnic contradictions. - Do you often travel to Chechnya? How do you feel there

The sailboat freezes helplessly without wind in the sails. The car stalls without gasoline. And even strong women run out of strength.

Peace in the family is incomparably better than stupid male justice. Having lived as soon as 30 years of family life and began to guess that women are a different type of life.

I was deceived. Cheated at school, cheated at work. Powdered brains with books, TV. Even relatives and grandfathers were misled. I grew up in illusion, in a strange time of emancipation and matriarchy. I was deceived and I was led; believed that women are the same as we are - men. They can also wear jeans and sneakers. Be leaders, school principals and great drivers. It all fit. Just a slightly different physiology. It's just that the growth is a little shorter, and the appearance is more beautiful.

I have revealed a secret carefully hidden by the system. We are different. It turns out that two forms of human life coexist on the planet in parallel. Male and female.

They are different. They function on a very strange principle. Inaccessible to our understanding. But it's better not to try to understand why this is so. Better to check it out with your family.
Women work on attention, care from their husbands. Their batteries are charged from gentle words and silent sincere hugs of a loved one coming from the liver. They become indefatigable generators from simple words. You are my only one and I have no other woman. You are the wonderful mother of our children, I am so glad that I met you in my life. You are the best. How delicious you cook, my sweet beauty.

The wind fills the sails of the brigantine, life-giving raindrops fall on the dry ground, so the simple words of the tired, exhausted wives, exhausted by the daily family routine, revive.
For a long time I could not understand that there is no justice in family life. A man lives by principles in a relationship - an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. If an exhausted wife comes up to her husband and begins to gnaw him, drill with words, cling to reproaches. To poison with the poison of your emotions, to sweep you off your feet with your incredible emotions. This does not mean attack. This means you don't have to kick back. In no case.

It just went off the alarm - the fuel has run out. The batteries are exhausted. Charge me urgently, my savior, my beloved. I no longer have the strength to live without your kind words, without your support. I fade, I lose heart. I involuntarily turn into something unpleasant. Just half an hour of walking, along the snowy paths, arm in arm with you. Just a few minutes of your attention. Hear my worries and worries accumulated during the day. Just please don't interrupt, don't argue.

Hit on the left cheek, substitute the right. There is no justice. I came home from work exhausted to death. He brought money, and got another scandal. I would like, of course, to answer fairly. At the very least, it is proud to be silent and suffer alone. I did and I was wrong.

You need to live by the principle - Two crocodiles flew, one green, the other flew to the right. The wife began to drill, to sarcastically - it means it's time to give up everything and urgently go to hug her. Speak for the hundredth time - What beautiful eyes you have, my soul. Speak, sincerely giving all the best. The hack does not work. Excuse words will only cause an even bigger storm. That in translation from a woman means - I do not believe. Try again. Please try again! And by no means shut up. Although this is how a woman can answer.

We must go ahead, burst into the fire of her indignation and save the beloved, save the world in the family with gentle words, gentle strokes on the head. With the same feeling that they calm down a little son, taking away all his worries.

There is no justice. There are two different forms of life. There are strange, inexplicable actions that bring a family into harmony. Strange for men, understandable and simple for women. But there are no translators. Most are in illusion. Most continue to see the same men in their wives only with a slightly different physiology. They continue to treat wives not as daughters, weak and fragile, (despite their overwhelming emotional strength), but as mothers. Grew up, matured. He left his mother and took as his wife a second mother, only younger, but with the same functions. The functions of a housekeeper and a source of pleasure when it comes down to it.

Even strong women run out of strength, even strong families are leaking. If you forget to take care of the flowers, they wither. Dying, they call for help. They crave life-giving moisture of affectionate words, compliments, signs of attention. Time, attention completely focused on them.
I was captured by family life, captured for 30 years. In captivity, I had seven children. During this time, I was able to learn an incomprehensible language. The language in which the parallel world of female civilization communicates. I was able to study their customs and customs.

The wind fills the sails of the brigantine, life-giving raindrops fall on the dry ground, so the tender, sincere words of the tired, exhausted wives, exhausted by the daily family routine, revive. Only it is necessary that the words of the man do not diverge from the deed. Only then will they be valid.

The work of a lifetime, ordained by God. A unique case!

Divorce after 30, when you are still young, is one thing, but breaking up after so many years of marriage is another, and today we will discuss this in the women's club "Over 30". It would seem that thirty years of living together is quite an impressive baggage, but very often marriages break up. And in most cases, it is the woman who is pitied by everyone.

But, if you recall the famous quote by Faina Ranevskaya, it is clear to everyone what is hidden under even the most beautiful tail, and sometimes ex-wives do not perceive the gap as painfully as the malevolent environment would like. On the contrary, they bloom.

Of course, usually a woman who has lived with her husband for a long time thinks with fear about what will happen if they divorce. This is usually the case.

And a divorce after 30 years, when it seems that she has yet to meet “her” man, is a kind of attempt for a woman to correct a mistake in time and try her luck with another.

It is sad that some women who are already over 50 look at life after divorce as a sentence .. Now let's talk about the reasons.

We will not even consider the banal “we didn’t agree”. Let's try to dig deeper. And by the way - this explanation is more suitable for those who have been married for much less than thirty years.

Of course, there is also such a common reason: "gray hair in the head, ..." - then everyone knows very well. Yes, it happens.

For a man, especially if he has money, albeit small, it seems that he is like an expensive cognac, with age it only gets better. And he gets himself a passion half his age. Only now he does not understand that she is not able to appreciate his entire "bouquet", but looks only at the "price tag".

If it was a moonshine bottled in 1964, it is unlikely that she would have coveted such a "drink". And we must pay tribute - many men eventually realize that with a young man they will not live the way they dreamed about. If the wife does not rush to divorce, perhaps he will return to the family. And after the breakup, when the ex-wife heals happily without him, she will start biting her elbows.

But here's another question - do you need it?

Sometimes a divorce after 30 years of marriage is brewing at the beginning of a life together, which is impossible to break. Parents think that it will be better for them, calmer. They live "for the sake of children" together - and this is the main tragedy of such families. Tension and mutual dislike are so "thick" in the air that it seems that you can take a knife and cut this atmosphere to pieces. But then the children grow up - "the project is completed." And people part.

Quantity vs. Quality

There are people who proudly say: "My parents have been married for 30 years already." One can only be sincerely happy if they have lived, as they say, in perfect harmony. And if you did, how did you serve your term, like in prison? Then after the end of this "term" divorce after 30 years of such ordeals and torments becomes like release from prison. At least roll up a tattoo as a keepsake and a feast!

And all because the number of years lived does not guarantee that they have been lived with high quality. And now we are not talking about what quality means without quarrels. Correct quarrels, on the contrary, only allow you to better understand each other, and this is not a reason to give up on living together.

Another thing is worse.

The spouses no longer receive, and it is possible that they never received joint pleasure. And it's not just about having regular sex. It is a myth that men are looking for exactly and only him on the side. Mistresses are sometimes brought up in order to share some joys that the spouse considers uninteresting. By the way, the opposite situation also happens: women have lovers.

In order to preserve the family and prevent a breakup after 30 years together, it is necessary to lay the "foundation" at the beginning of married life. Enjoy travel, family pursuits, or even yoga together. Just don't impose this pleasure on each other. Try to look for common ground - those amenities that will bring together, and not provoke a wave of discontent from someone else.

It also happens that in the process of family life one of the spouses "relaxes", settles down and becomes uninteresting not only for his partner, but also for himself. It doesn't develop. And the other, on the contrary, becomes a multifaceted personality.

There is a conflict of worldviews and views on how everything should happen in general. And then divorce after 30 years of marriage seems to be the right way out. But there is also a downside - perhaps this development was facilitated by the wife (or helped by the spouse), being a reliable rear.

Of course, even today it is generally accepted that divorce is some kind of tragedy. And often people are held together by public opinion. No one wants condemnation, and although in fact an internal break occurred, outwardly the family still seems to exist. And the sad thing is that after all, a momentous moment comes - a “bloody” point in a relationship, a “sawing off” of property, scandals and tears. Rarely does anyone manage to calmly transfer a divorce after 30.

Over 30 - a club for women over 30.

After 30 years of marriage, my husband made a "surprise": he has a relationship with a girl younger than our daughter. No apology, no embarrassment - nothing. As if she had lived all her life with a stranger and a cynical person. He denies the fact of connection, although it is obvious - he simply gets annoyed and declares that he will not go anywhere and will live in a separate room as a neighbor. Husband 58, she 23. Nightmare! To say that this is a betrayal is to say nothing. There is neither strength nor desire to fight for square meters, but living in this hell is unthinkable. I'm in stupor. As if she had lived a life, but it turned out - not her own. I don’t know where my life is.

Galina, Bryansk, 50 years old / 11/26/15

Opinions of our experts

Alyona

Galina, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is first and foremost. Yes. You have been betrayed by a person whom you considered family and friends for 30 years. But life did not stop there. And everything that was in it before that has not ceased to be of value. If only because this is already your past, and all those emotions, feelings, thoughts that you experienced then - they were already there too. Awareness of betrayal cannot cross out the happiness that you had then. It's like a slice of incredibly delicious dessert eaten in the evening. Even if you begin to repent the next morning for allowing yourself to be weak, you will not undo the excitement you already experienced last night. Do you understand what I mean? Your life “before” did not become a different quality from the fact that such a personal misfortune happened to you in the present. Everything that was - it already was, and it was all with you. And what to do now - stop the run of destructive thoughts, stop chewing on the very fact of treason and betrayal. And remember that it depends only on you whether you will be happy now or not. Will you be able to find yourself a new goal in life, which is far from over, or not. Living "like neighbors", of course, is not the best thing that can be in your situation. So, I think, you still need to find an inner reserve, enlist the help of an adult daughter and leave your husband, who has become a stranger to you. So you will come to your senses faster.
Sergey

Yeah, surprise, surprise. You will not say anything, there is no pleasant thing here. In adulthood, suddenly getting such a step is very painful. However, no matter how painful it is, life goes on. No, it is clear that changing the usual way, starting to move where you wanted to lie down, is not particularly pleasant, but it, just believe me, is worth it. Do not believe? Do you consider yourself a decrepit grandmother who no longer needs anyone? To begin with, I strongly advise you to find information about the Miss 50 contest on the Internet or something like that. Look at how the ladies look there, and compare to yourself. Nothing like that? And who prevents you from becoming the same bomb? From some personal experience, I can say - no one. Only my own laziness. At any age, even over 70, we have the opportunity to take care of ourselves, play sports, monitor nutrition, use creams and go to a beautician. There would be a desire. But most simply don't have motivation. Why twitch, strain when there is a well-established way of life, grown-up children, a bun-in-the-box husband and evening tea with a mountain of buns? And until life gives a good kick, a person, like a proud creature, does not fly. Yes, to be honest, even after being kicked, he most often tries to roll over the baseboard and rot there, quietly whistling. Do you want it too? Well, then I'll take pity on you on duty, I agree that my husband is a brute, I can even offer to go to church and focus on my grandchildren. However, there are always other possibilities. You can drastically change your own life and have no idea what it can bring with you. Here it is important to realize that you are not ALREADY 50, but still only 50. With a normal attitude towards yourself, healthy activity and the desires of this very activity, it can last for another 50 years. I'm not joking at all. It all depends on your own desire, and only nature will help as best it can. No, you can, of course, get discouraged and die in ten years from a heart attack caused by obesity and the failure of everything that is possible. But you can also spit on the tail of an escaped spouse, take care of yourself, get prettier, marry some good man and live with him for another half century, enjoying life. The choice is yours.