— Dove, strengthens the hair from the inside! - Do I have hair on the inside?
If you are sent somewhere, then you are still good for something.
Nothing rushes you to work in the morning like your boss's car in the rearview mirror.
And born to crawl, may not crawl.
Life is Beautiful and amazing! If you drink beforehand.
The socialite bullied the photographers who filmed her.
Children at the zoo fed the giraffe "Rastishka". The unfortunate animal suffocated in the upper atmosphere.
It is better to sweat seven times than frost once.
Nothing holds back a hot woman, except for a strong drink.
Sciatica is a funny disease - as he sat, so he went.
At first it was good, then very good, and then so good that it is still bad.
“I owe 10 kopecks,” with this phrase the seller Lena earned her first million.
The psychiatrist greets the psychiatrist: "You're fine, and I?"
One good anecdote is the extra 15 minutes of life taken from work time.
The only man who cannot live without women is a gynecologist.
Reading the composition of the Chupa Chups candy, you understand that it is better for health to eat the stick on which it rests.
If all men are the same for women, then why do they still choose?
A real man will never raise his hand to a woman, because a real man does not raise a hand at all.
Transitional age is a period of life when children are already standing on their own feet, but still in shoes bought with their parents' money.
In the spring, even the boot whispers something tender in the ear.
He had no property; he did not even own himself.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths in and out, but by the number of breathtaking moments!
In my youth, I discovered that the big toe sooner or later makes a hole in the sock. So I stopped wearing socks.
"Albert Einstein"
I easily rub myself into trust. I'm a cat.
The crowd is a herd of sheep that have lost not only their individuality, but also their minds.
Thousands of people, dozens of cars, unexpected plot twists. Look out the window!
In politics, for the sake of a certain goal, you can make an alliance even with the devil himself - you just need to be sure that you will fool the devil, and not the devil.
Having achieved the hand of your beloved, you will constantly feel it in your pocket.
Citizens are like children to the state! It invents games for them, tells fairy tales, feeds them with sweet promises.
What is common and what is the difference between the Christmas tree and the State Duma? - Both are expensive for those who buy them, but the tree is evergreen, and the Duma is always red.
The hardest part is the end of the month. Especially the last thirty days.
You are not the first, you are not the last,” the woman said, hiding her lover in the closet.
Each accident has a surname, name, patronymic.
Some bring joy wherever they go, some wherever they go.
Behind every successful man is a satisfied wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
Delicacy of the season: buckwheat sandwich.
I have so much to do that I'd rather go to bed.
If it is right to leave a man, then he will definitely return like a boomerang.
Haven't you been taught not to express your entire vocabulary in one sentence?
Until I found out what they were saying about me, I would never have thought that I live so interestingly!
If you spit three times over your left shoulder, then the probability that you will get hit on the head from behind increases three times.
Just imagine how the patients' mood would improve if hospitals were given fins instead of shoe covers!
Life is sad, but the salary is ridiculous.
Miser pays twice! I'm going to work for the miser!
But remember Cinderella, if you don't come back by 12 o'clock, you will turn into a woman!
funny statuses
Tragicomedy - tragedies as a joke.
Why did God create man first and then woman? - Because he did not want a woman to give him her advice at the time of creation.
About one dirty bathhouse, Diogenes asked: “Where do those who washed here bathe?”
A Russian person should be thanked at least for his intentions.
The husband leaves for the resort alone, without his wife. A week later, he sends her an SMS: “I still love only you! » Wife's answer: "Yes, and you are the best so far."
Why in the fairy tale about the three little pigs, the wolf blew, and the roof was blown off by the piglets?
My husband is jealous of the computer. Strange, he has never been jealous of the stove!
Citizens are like children to the state! It invents games for them, tells fairy tales, feeds them with sweet promises.
Now I opened the hole puncher, a whole bunch of holes spilled out.
A person can search in the dark for his mobile phone, highlighting himself with the same mobile phone.
If you start to get disappointed in people - don't be afraid, you are on the right track!
Wife: Let's buy a car, I'll learn to drive, we'll see the world! Husband: this or that?
Depression is anger without enthusiasm.
Anticipating something was wrong, Mumu ate Styrofoam since the evening.
Why do all children's clinics hang posters with Aibolit? He's a veterinarian!
It's good where I'm not. But don't worry, I'll get there!
Night. The city falls asleep. The dieters wake up and go to the refrigerator.
Two friends are talking: - How did your daughter get on? - Fine. My husband loves, buys fur coats, takes him to resorts. - And the son? - And your son got a bitch, then buy her a fur coat, then take her to the resort.
Everyone has their own recipe for happiness. It's written on my ceiling: tomorrow I quit eating. Every morning, waking up, I see this inscription and think: it's good that tomorrow, not today.
When some people get in a bad mood, they start to stink...
They say: "Beauty will save the world," but I think it's impudence... to dump such a responsibility on me!
Oh, how tired I am of glory! For those who don't want to come...
I want to get sick with such a disease that the doctor writes in the prescription: CHAMPAGNE and SEX ...
How nice it is when people themselves realize that they are no longer worthy of being my friends and leave.
Darling! For your sake, I am ready for anything: to swim across the ocean, to jump into the abyss! Know that on the way to you I am not afraid of any difficulties and difficulties, I will overcome everything! I love you!!! P.S. I'll be there on Sunday if it doesn't rain.
Classmates evil! won't let me sleep! all! got ready, went for a knife to cut the cord! ... after 2 hours, hooray happened! I glued the cord!!! I'm on Odnoklassniki!
Yes, I’m generally a cool save no, and most importantly modest.
Naaa! take the ruble, as you know your worth, you will return the change.
Mom said, she’ll sail and leave, yes ... It’s a pity that he left, but how cool he was a sailor ...
I am a creative girl. I want to create, I want to create.
It is interesting what is shown on the Shkolnik channel at 2.15 am in the German with Pleasure program.
I really wanted to sleep with her. But isn't self-restraint a sign of an established personality?
The rooster sings even the morning when they put it in the soup.
Heaven is accepted not on merit, but on patronage, otherwise you would have remained outside the threshold, but would have let your dog in.
The dog in the muzzle barks backwards.
Got sick! Fever, runny nose, sore throat! I crawled under the covers and breathe boiled potatoes, just in case I grabbed a fork, mushrooms and vodka, I hope it will help.
Life is a big supermarket! Take what you want, but remember: there is a cashier ahead and you have to pay for everything ...
Now there are cotigoria in friends: Relatives, best friends, colleagues, school friends, university friends: It remains only to add? » cool dudes, Booze together, And who the hell knows what they added!!!
Once they asked a wise old man. Why does a woman have so many headaches? The elder answered with the truth. “Only weak men give a woman a headache. From strong, real men - she is spinning ..
And why did not a single suicide bomber think of getting into the 'House 2' project?
In order to find a common language with a man, you need to bite
One has only to want and any woman will be at your feet. The main thing is to hit the jaw accurately.
THE SOUL ASKS FOR A HOLIDAY...PURSE OF MERCY...THE BRAIN IN SHOCK!!!
Be very careful of taxi drivers. They are all maniacs - they always ask: "Vaskuda ?!"
When asked why I was born, I will answer: “For fame, money and men!”
Do you also yell at the things you hit?
If every person has a guardian angel, then mine either sleeps somewhere or swells hard.
In life, like in the rain, there comes a moment when it just doesn't matter anymore.
Looking for the meaning of life. I will find and hide!
May you, my friends, drown in love!!! Yes, so that you fell into the abyss of tenderness !!! May you disappear in the Maldives for a month!!! Yes, I don't want to see you sad!
When it’s bad at heart, and Nescafe doesn’t go down your throat, you call me soon, we’ll scrape together for vodka!
If a black cat with 2 empty buckets crosses your path, you definitely don’t expect happiness.
I feel like wet salt in a salt shaker ... I don’t get enough sleep!
The blanket ran away, the sheet flew away, they would have let go as soon as possible before mom came!
Taking over the world is half the battle... The main thing is how to rule it on the sly from the orderlies!
Women's motto: "Fight and seek, find and ... do not give!!!"
If you got lucky once in your life,
For example, a layer of gold was found.
That will always be found asshole,
What he sees and of course surrenders.
It's time to put up, tomorrow is payday ...
For tomorrow I have a tantrum and shopping
I didn’t get better - I was swollen with pride.
I'm wearing headphones. I don't like my ears.
Your own dog "does things", someone else's - crap ...
Awesome male logic: “offend your girlfriend and be offended by her because it offended her!”
Men, have you ever been embarrassed by the phrase:
“I already did! Go to eat!" ???
Come to visit me: with daisies (because I'm a girl) and with a bottle of whiskey (because I'm that girl).
I learned to find a way out of the most confusing situations!
Only one thing is striking, how do I find the entrance there!?
All in pairs, and I'm in bars.
Let's light a fire, shall we? I've cut so much wood...
Checkmate is like Raffaello. Instead of a thousand words…
I hear - someone walks in the closet ... I open it, and there dresses go out of fashion!
You've been staring blankly out the window for 15 minutes!
- Back off, I'm walking))
Life doesn't change us, people change us.
What?
Soon Valentine's Day?
Damn, I forgot to get a boyfriend again
After the candy-bouquet period in a relationship, the casserole-cutlet begins!
I fell ill with a good mood ... I will not take sick leave! Let people get infected... =)
At night, you can’t lie down comfortably, but in the morning, damn it, no matter how you lie down, it’s COMFORTABLE ...
Today, for the first time in six months, I opened the cover of the system unit and realized where the garbage was removed from the basket ...
If a man says that you will live forever in his heart - do not flatter yourself, perhaps he has a hostel there.
Most women for some reason believe that they only say stupid things when they are drunk.
Yesterday I bought a dress: it came up super, tyutelka in tyutelka. Today I measured - not enough. Probably the tyutki have grown ...
Sometimes a day is more precious than a year, sometimes a year is not worth a day.
Scientists came to the conclusion that there is life on Mars, and on Mars they came to the conclusion that they were dumb on earth for a long time.
I will buy myself a dog. I'll call her Good. Here you come home, and there is always good.
I didn’t need to dry my hair with a hairdryer, otherwise my thoughts scattered ... =)
It would be nice in the evening to put the wallet on recharging. You get up in the morning, check - full.
Hi dear. How is it going? How are the elbows?… Delicious?
A girl who doesn't drink doesn't know how her exes are doing...
There should be a man in a woman, and not some kind of mystery !!!)))
At the end of the tunnel is not a dead end, and not even an exit. There is a mirror that reflects your light.
But there was a time when we really did not understand why adults drink alcohol ...
My sexual fantasy for the weekend is to sleep in all positions.
The day started well, and then I woke up.
He began repairs in the style of "hi-tech". Finished in the style of "let's not say so" ...
Just imagine that a person is sitting somewhere and stroking your avatar with the cursor! 😉
It's a pity that there is no "International Day of the Goat". I would like to congratulate some...
“A woman is a complex creature - even the key to her heart must be inserted in a completely different place”
Nothing excites a woman like a discount - 70%
MEN!!! Don't bother with gifts for your lady. Just go to the first jewelry store you find!!!
And in joy, and in grief, whatever the stress, keep under control - brains, tongue and weight!
You have to try everything in life. The main thing is not to start with the Internet.
Save from partying - take it as a wife!
As long as you don't like life, it passes
Summer is coming, and I have nothing to undress.
With us, girls, everything is simple: long hair needs to be cut, short hair needs to be extended, straight curls, and curly hair straighten.
And it all started with the thought: "Come on ... I'll add him as a friend."
Soul on the sea, ass on a chair.
It's great to be a new mother on maternity leave! I jumped up at 6 o'clock, fed, washed, played peek-a-boo, cooked dinner, fed, put me to bed, washed, fed, played peek-a-boo, bought, put me to bed, you can go and comb ...)))
There are many topics for statuses, and one of the main ones is the meaning in life. On the Tvoi-Status website, we have collected the best collections of statuses about life with meaning. Each of us has a varied life full of events. Some are good, others not so much, often you want to tell your friends about them. Different situations related to everyday life with work, study at school or institute. Life situations that we have to overcome daily make us wiser, giving experience in the pursuit of happiness. A full life is not possible without communication with people, and the main role in communication in today's world is given by the Internet. If a situation arises in life in which advice or help is needed, first of all, we read the experience of other people and write, then we write about our own. In order to make it easier to express thoughts, we have created a site where you will find the best collections of statuses, both new ones from 2018 and old ones from 2017. The collections contain smart quotes about the meaning of life, phrases sad to tears about parting, cool expressions about beautiful love, good statuses about changes in life, interesting ones about life from scratch and "boomerang". Statuses are suitable for VK (Contact) and Odnoklassniki.
The best collections of statuses about life with meaning
If an interesting, or maybe piquant situation has developed in your life, tell your friends about it with the help of an intriguing status. You can find the right status with us that will display your thoughts. Philosophical, beautiful and wise statuses about life experience will definitely please your friends and help you think about something really important. Positive and cheerful statuses will tell about happiness, love and a new life. Short and beautiful sayings for women will make others jealous of a good, happy family life and children. Funny and funny will make others smile.
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✔ Our life would be meaningless without love, happiness and joy...Our life would be meaningless without family, peace and friends...
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✔ The greatest hatred arises for those who managed to touch the heart, and then spat into the soul.
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✔ Even if you have nothing, you have a life that has everything
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✔ Know how to survive the moment when everything seems to be lost
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✔ The main thing is to leave and not look back. Look back, remember. Remember, you'll regret it. Sorry, come back. Come back and start all over again.
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✔ Every minute you get mad at someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you will never get back.
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✔ Appreciate what you have now until you lose it, otherwise it will be too late...
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✔ Vanity... - days run by in a row... Emptiness... - I don't dream about you anymore... Maeta... - I don't know what to do... Blindness... - and a pack of wolves is circling... And only melancholy... From edge to edge... Destroys the days, sweeping everything with it...
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✔ The death of one person is a tragedy, but the death of millions is a statistic
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✔ Goodbye and this is forever... we won't see each other forever. What a pity that a vile soul in such a beautiful person ....
Today she said so much that it even reduces my lips - the left one ...
A gentleman never leaves the woman he loves. He leaves her to be desired
People have such a need for love that some even love their spouses.
Some look philosophically at things, others look at their absence.
Do you know that if you have only one coffee table from furniture, then you are not a journalist, you are an alcoholic
Linguistics or 100 and 1 ways to put a student to sleep
In crooked hands and the calculator freezes
Students of the Mytishchi Culinary College invented the Dream sandwich. It's when you have two pieces of bread and dream of meat in between.
You are a real businessman if "Mask Show" is not an entertainment TV show for you
From the message of the news agency: “A group of Russian hackers hacked into the protection on the main server of the Lord God and set themselves endless money and eternal life”
If there is an autoresponder, then there must be an autoclaimer
If your cat is tired of you - do not rush to throw it away: it can make a wonderful rabbit in sour cream!
Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Give your husband pantyhose!
Of all my wife's relatives, I like me the most.
When was democracy born? -When God brought Adam to Eve and said, "Choose your wife."
Often you hope that a person is covering your back, but it turns out that he is just hiding behind it.
The old man threw a net into the blue sea. Blurred blue sea. The old man has not washed his net for a long time.
In the life of Natasha Rostova there was only one man who could do whatever he wanted with her. His name was Leo Tolstoy.
Mothers love their children more than fathers because they are more sure that these are their children ... / Aristotle 384-322 BC.
Yesterday, at a reception in the Kremlin, the wife of the American ambassador refused to eat pears, citing the fact that she knows how they are fooled around in Russia ...
The best husbands are civil servants: they never come home tired, and their newspaper is always read by this time.
If you drink two hundred grams, drink three hundred - a matter of honor!
You can't ruin a beautiful woman with makeup.
“Na-Na” in English is “Take That”.
Your pussy would buy Whiskas… hold Murka tight.
Do not spit in the well - there is an ammunition depot.
Freebie! How much this word has merged for the Russian heart!
There is no such pure and bright thought that a Russian person would not be able to express in a dirty obscene form.
Head of Administration.
Better Finnish vodka in warm company than warm vodka in Finnish company.
Democracy with elements of dictatorship is like constipation with elements of diarrhea.
I would beat you, but it's a pity for your teeth.
Quieter you champ, you eat more.
Yesterday in the yard I was fooling around with the children… We played the game “Freeze!”. Only I quickly ran out of liquid nitrogen ...
What is surprising about Columbus discovering America? She's so big it would be surprising if he didn't notice her.
Thinking about life leaves no time for life
Time heals, don't waste it waiting in line
Father's house - a house where they scold
The majority will survive everything but the minority
Yesterday I was talking to a sex maniac. He sent me to hell all the time ...
The less you will be on the Internet - the children will be healthier!
Running away from a heart attack, beware of hyperdynamia
If the girl's heart is closed - knock on the kidneys.
The highest degree of gaming skill is when the gamer and the computer slow down synchronously.
A mouse ran, waved its tail - how it would be carried, how it would crash against the wall!
Woodpeckers caught groundhogs at the crime scene to death!
The computer does not obey the laws of physics. Only in it glitches arise from nothing, files disappear into nowhere, and the volume is measured in meters and is called weight.
Any girl will be at your feet, the main thing is to hit her in the jaw with the first blow ...
Hedgehog with a hangover became just anti-tank.
In view of the absence of everything else, foreigners usually say that they liked our people the most here.
Eating is much more interesting than losing weight.
tax infection.
A samurai differs from a surgeon in that when cutting the stomach, he knows why he is doing it.
Every day your wife Masha.
To neglect is not to abuse enough.
My phone rang... Who's talking?... OMON!
A distinctive feature of most natives is philanthropy.
More fun than an elephant in a china shop is only a baby elephant in a Faberge shop.
The inscription on the bus: do not sit in the seat of the conductor, next to it on the glass: do not look through the window of the conductor ...
If you scatter yarn and knitting needles on the floor in an apartment, then grandmothers will start up in the apartment.
On a Monday morning, you are very jealous of the unemployed.
The sex change operation was successful. I'm pretty.
Eight hour sleep.
Cod liver causes liver cracking.
... And finally - about the weather. Over the weekend it will be 30 degrees in Magadan. 15 on Saturday and 15 on Sunday.
For almost half of the people, life is an evolution from young stallions to old goats.
Petrov, you are an idiot!... but the captain... This is an order!!!
"02" - if somewhere a person is in trouble. "03" - if somewhere a person got into "02".
Courage is not in starting a fight, but in being able to avoid it.
Moldovan scientists came to the conclusion that most of the vitamins are in the pharmacy.
Uncultured people litter anywhere and do not even notice, while cultured people throw garbage and suffer a lot.
Who in the world is sweeter than all, all blush and whiter? Salo.
The whole day the garbage was flying, from the silvery metal ... a lot these days, unidentified garbage ...
Have you ever tried drying your hair with a mixer? Hair turns out sparse, but curly!
Justice, stand at least sometimes on the side of those who are on your side!
Saving is a way to spend money without any pleasure.
A lazy person is a person who does not pretend to work.
Evening darkness is more pleasant than morning darkness.
Computer games have made a monkey out of man!
Appetite and guests come at mealtime.
The subscriber is in the zone and is temporarily unavailable.
No one knows as much as I don't know...
I want to live forever. As long as it works.
Believe people at their word, certified by signature and seal.
One head is good, but with a body is better.
Nothing I say when you interrupt?
You shouldn't respond to evil with violence, you can't even imagine what raped evil is capable of!
If you think that smoking doesn't affect a woman's voice, try brushing the ashes onto the carpet.
Speak - speak, I always yawn when I'm interested.
A woman is kind: she can forgive a man everything, even if he is not guilty of anything.
If you hesitate for a long time, you can shake everyone ...
How quickly time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up, but I was already late for work.
A woman driving is like a star in the sky: you see her, but she does not see you.
Workers needed to work at work. Payment in money.
What a pity that you are finally leaving...
Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.
Healthy sleep not only prolongs life, but also reduces the working day.
Hurry up to live in time to start all over again.
I want to go to hell, not heaven. There I can enjoy the company of popes, kings and dukes, while heaven is inhabited only by beggars, monks and apostles.
Be careful in your desires, otherwise they may come true.
Don't grow wings if you don't know where to fly.
For such jokes - there are gaps in the teeth.
So that you drown yourself in a puddle!
Say something! -Something!
One more word and the composition of your teeth will be touched.
A woman driving a car without a driver!
Dog, dog, let's be friends! We will fly with you to distant lands, and people will look and say - dogs are flying, autumn is coming ...
They ask me - Are you friends with your head? I say yes! Every day we go to school with her, sit, go out, sit at home, and at night I tell her stories!
Granny had two e-mails at once: One is honest, the other is on the left, Just like that, for spam
Better gypsum and a bed than granite and a fence ...
Be sure to get married. If you get a good wife, you will become happy, and if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.
How to get there and there?
If a horse tells you that you are a psycho, then it is so ...
A good disease is sclerosis: nothing hurts and every day is news!
Go through the hemp field and the river will tell you!
Cats that eat Whiskas are the best food for your dog.
Once Carlson put his pants inside out ... So the meat grinder appeared.
The terrorists who have seized the distillery for the fifth day cannot formulate their demands.
One head is good, but two is a mutant!
The energy of laziness is the most inexhaustible.
I don't sleep, I just blink slowly.
Pass for travel! What about the magic word? -Abracadabra!
Hey, it's like, well ... it's ... damn, I remembered! SUCKER!!!
Appreciate books-source figs.
Don't stick your head in the water near the chemical plant.
Spinning like a squirrel in a meat grinder...
I came to you with greetings, with an iron and a gun.
Riddle: red bed, heels sticking out Answer: red-bed heel sticker
MTS - My Yours Listens
When you talk to God, it's prayer. When God talks to you - it's schizophrenia!
Don't steal, the government doesn't like competitors!
Men are always right and women are never wrong.
To keep you from smelling of garlic, rinse your mouth with kerosene ...
When I eat - I am deaf and dumb, cunning and fast, and devilishly smart ...
The baby is a great example of a ruling minority.
So that you live as you are sorry!
God created woman later because he did not want to listen to advice when creating a man.
A genius sleeps in any of us, and every day it gets stronger.
I am made from a man's rib to protect his heart...
Gorilka is not Ukrainian vodka, it is a small humanoid monkey.
A girl is like a calculator: she adds problems, takes time, multiplies expenses, divides property!
Well hanging tongue always itches.
No wonder women don't have time for anything: just look at their tiny watch.
Tell me what you're thinking and I'll tell you what.
The most irresistible cosmetics for women is powder for men's brains!
The later the ambulance arrives, the more accurate its diagnosis ...
If Eve did not cheat on Adam, then why did humanity evolve from apes?
The weather vane was nailed down tightly, and the wind was doomed to blow in the indicated direction...
If you are late for work, then you have it.
The absence of complaints about the quality of parachutes does not mean that they are perfect!
The ransom demands of the terrorists have been met. The terrorists have been ransomed and bainki laid.
April Fools' Day is an American folk holiday.
No one has died from knowledge yet, but I don’t want to take risks.
By elevator: The elevator does not work. The nearest elevator is in the next entrance.
The goose also thought that he was bathing until the water boiled ...
My salary is good... small, but good...
On the pillar: I will buy an apartment in this house.
Met by clothes - and spent too badly.
Psychiatrists are the first to see the shifts.
In order for a cow to eat less and give more milk, it needs to be fed less and milked more?
We will live hard, but not for long.
There was such a strong wind that cigarettes turned out along with the teeth.
He took on a slight fright.
What roof does not like fast driving!
My hair used to be dry and lifeless, but now it's damp and frizzy.
A sponsor is a person who is easier to part with money than to explain where they came from.
