Love is full of contradictions and disagreements. Very often you can hear that opposites attract, and yet we base love on some compatible things. We are looking for some kind of nourishment in relationships, which is born on the basis of joint "love stories" and romantic dramas.
But for some of us, love arises in completely different life circumstances. Sometimes we fall in love "not because of, but in spite of." More often this is not a story of falling in love from social networks or an affair with a work colleague; it is not uncommon that this love is initially perceived as a taboo. For example, it could be a neighbor's husband or a university professor.
Does age matter in a relationship? The big question that many are asking. And it arises when the initial stage of enthusiasm is passed. In the union of an elderly person and a young woman, as in other matters and vice versa, an additional issue of morality arises, which, as a rule, also arises among young parents, complicating the relationship even more. Nevertheless, if a love relationship with a large age difference develops into a family relationship, then the age barrier disappears.
The age of love is not a hindrance
All the time we try to plan our life down to the smallest detail. There are those who even plan when they get married. Fortunately, we still leave love with a chance to come at an unexpected moment. We let our emotions get the best of us and rush with them wherever they lead us.
Therefore, when the relationship of two people with a large age difference falls into a vortex of love, they develop. And if a love affair as a consequence results in common hobbies and interests, these relationships continue to develop. The opportunity to gain understanding and a new perspective on relationships becomes much more important than the usual arithmetic that calculates the difference in age.
Emotional component
Unfortunately, the beauty, which is characteristic of a person in youth, is a very fragile and not durable thing, and who has a big gap in relationships, recognize such a truth like no other. It is this reason that prompts lovers to look for common points of contact that will prevail over physical attraction.
Special trainings, individual communication schemes, or simple heart-to-heart talk can help most young couples. But the psychology of relationships of those who have a significant age difference, sometimes in order to simply express their point of view, it is important to be delicate in order to avoid confrontation.
Moreover, all couples go through this stage, regardless of how much or little time was spent on courtship. And this is only the first step in creating an emotional connection. Young couples need a short period of time to move from physical intimacy to spiritual intimacy. The psychology of relationships in which the age difference is significant is that both the emotional and the physical aspects of their relationship have to be worked on at the same time.
The age difference requires the connection of the emotional aspect almost immediately, since they can move on only being on the same emotional level. It is important for them to realize that their partner, with whom the age difference is significant, was there both in moments of happiness and during difficult moments.
Age is important when setting life priorities
Age is an important factor in relationships also because the life goals of people in different time intervals are different. A young partner may not want to burden himself with obligations and have, for example, children. While the older one, on the contrary, wants to calm down and have a large family. Another significant difference can be the desire to realize oneself in a career.
All these distinctive points need to be known and understood, only when a couple begins to follow the same path, their age difference gradually ceases to affect the relationship. Lovers begin to see themselves as a whole and together go towards their dream.
In a relationship with an older person, you will have to reconsider the concepts of beauty, you must be ready to listen to questions and preconceived opinions about age and the achievement of certain goals. But in fact, age is really a simple arithmetic number that means nothing other than the number of years spent on earth. Age matters in a relationship only when there is no love, but if there is love, everything else becomes unimportant.
In a relationship, only one thing is important for me: the mutual feeling of love. Because only love matters, without it, everything is meaningless.
It is very important that people, as Exupery wrote, look in one direction. If it is, what difference does it make how old someone is? If people love each other, what difference does it make who is old? Who needs it? People met, the two of them feel good, so much so that they no longer think about how to live without each other. If this is a fact, then what does age have to do with it? Imagine: everything is fine, we fell in love, we are happy with everything, as they say, life blooms, and suddenly she looks at his passport: "Yes, you are 45!" Well, let's say this, although I have never hidden my age. Is it over now? Isn't it silly?
I am a believer. And I know that people here meet for eternity. And if people meet here and love each other, they will love there too. And this is the hardest thing in the world.
One priest thought about it this way. I read it on Instagram. He says: people sometimes wait for five minutes of happiness all their lives. And they live for these five minutes. And even if we assume that we will not live 40-50 years together, but only 20, and then I will go to another world. But we will live these years in love! And there will be children! In which my beloved will see me too. And this will be happiness for her. And we will meet later anyway - in another world. So why should we give up our happiness because of foolish prejudice? Moreover, before my eyes there are a lot of living examples.
I confess that I was among those who condemned Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin. Honestly, it seemed to me a perversion. When the wife is so much older than her husband. But they have a real family, children. And I see that they are happy! So what right do I have to condemn them? Who am i?
And who has the right to condemn Andron Konchalovsky that he is 36 years older than Yulia Vysotskaya? They have a happy family and children.
Why do people think about what they have no control over and reject the main thing - love?
How do you know that the guy who is 3 years older than you will live longer than the one who is 40?
How do you know that this guy will not turn out to be a bastard and will not leave you in a month, leaving for another?
How do you know maybe this guy will suddenly get sick and die a year later?
How do you know what will happen to someone you chose just because he is younger? Isn't it silly?
You will say: but the girl does not know and what will happen to you later.
Right! That is why I say: there is no need to reason and make decisions based on what is beyond our control, we must be guided by only one thing: is there love or not. And if it is, then you cannot betray love, or rather sell it for age, skin color, wealth, or what you expose as the price of your love. Love has no price. She is the only thing for which people live on this earth. And that is the only thing that they can take with them there.
We have a right to happiness: we, whom God has appointed to be together forever. And we will meet one day, never to part.
What is the gap that is considered to be a big difference in age between partners? Most likely, the big difference in age is about 15, 25, 35, 45 years of the difference between the dates of birth of partners. Small terms - 3, 5, 7, 10, 14 years should be considered the ideal age difference between a man and a woman in a relationship, for love and the creation of family relationships.
And yet, any facets here are conditional, and one cannot assume offhand whether the difference in the age of partners plays any role in the relationship. Here it is necessary to take into account not only the calendar, but also the psychological age of these partners.
Sometimes it happens that a young guy of 18-19 years old will shut up in the belt by the maturity of thinking, views, life experience, business acumen and care for his beloved adult 35 or even 55-year-old, seemingly mature, but selfish and narcissistic little man who apart from his ambitions, he does not want to see or hear anything around him.
And sometimes it happens that a young girl, surprisingly for herself, finds herself in the hands of an experienced womanizer, and at the same time loses not only her virginity, but also part of her mind, completely obeys her "master" and dances in front of him on her hind legs, like a dog ...
Absolutely all people are unique and not similar to each other, so it is impossible to say for sure whether the age difference will play a decisive role in a relationship for this particular couple, a man and a woman.
One can only say for sure that many people are mistaken that "60-year-old men are no longer able to have sex." Believe me, some nimble oldies are able to have sex much more often and longer than other thugs.
Yes, and the flabbiness of the body, and the notorious wrinkles, sex is not a hindrance. You quickly get used to such imperfections of the body and face. And even if at first they are a little striking, then later you practically do not notice them at all. In fact, the body of a woman or a man at the age of 50 is not very different from that of a 25-year-old, especially if a person takes care of himself. And all ladies' men usually follow this carefully.
Regarding the psychology of relationships, if a man is older than a woman, and much older, then she is special. If he is older not only in age, but also in the mind of his young partner, if he has a strong character, then he plays, as it were, the role of a father or teacher in relation to his beloved.
If she is a young, beautiful and sexy girl, and he is an old, but sexually perplexed man, then a relationship between them is possible, but only they will give off sadism on his part and masochism on her.
Older men are great liars. They are such that one can only wonder. He just told one of his partners how he didn’t want to see subject H, and after 5 seconds the same subject H was given moral "anus-leasing" on a cell phone. And if you ask him - "Are you free today?", Then 7 different women will receive 7 different answers. Unfortunately, most men, who are much older than women, are rarely distinguished by honest intentions and decent thoughts.
Only those women who have already been in such a situation know how the feeling of your own inferiority oppresses you due to the fact that you are not married, and your chosen one does not even think to marry you. And you torture yourself with the question - “Am I destined to get married at all? Do they take women like me to marry, or can I only be a mistress all my life? "
And the harrowing glimpses of future prospects? What will happen in six months, a year, two, five years? Find yourself in the role of an eternal mistress? Without prospects, without children, without your own life?
If you look at a situation where a woman is older than a man, then in this case, as a rule, there are no special questions. The main thing is for a woman to be able to see in her chosen one a good comrade, and a reliable support.
The main problem in a relationship, when a woman is older than a man, is that if she is already 45, 55, 60 years old, then, most likely, she will not be able to have her child and her chosen one will never be able to experience the happiness of fatherhood. However, as the practice of modern show business, and not only show business, shows, most young people often eagerly exchange sleepless nights with the whims and cries of newborns for popularity and fame, but only if they are sitting in a golden cage.
Thus, summing up, we see that yes, a large age difference, as a rule, gives rise to unequal love relationships or unequal marriage, in which one of the partners or both partners suffer from a large number of social, mental, physiological, biological, material and other prejudices and restrictions. In any case, love is a game of Russian roulette. However, if a woman is much older than her man, or a man is much older than his chosen one, then the risk of making that fatal shot that will solve all the problems that have arisen in connection with this increases tenfold, such is the law of nature, and we will not be able to argue with him. Although, in fact, there are exceptions to every rule.
Unions in which one partner is older than the other have always existed. Society's attitude towards such alliances has always been ambiguous. In the old days in Russia, the age difference between spouses was common. The bride had no vote at all. If she was young and beautiful, but from a poor family, and a wealthy old man wooed her, they would give her in marriage without hesitation. It is not uncommon for parents to marry in absentia. The couple did not even see each other before the wedding.
It should be noted that many happy "unequal marriages" have proven by their own example that age does not matter. The modern average statistical data show that the average difference between spouses is from 3 to 6 years.
IS AGE IN RELATIONSHIP IMPORTANT FOR A WOMAN
Women from a young age are subconsciously attracted to more mature men. Peers, and even more so the younger males, seem completely uninteresting. It's not for nothing that they say that girls are ahead of boys as they grow up. Over time, such preferences pass among girls, but not all.
What pushes young ladies into the arms of men much older than themselves? Some psychologists believe that the relationship with the woman's father plays a role. If a girl lacked attention as a child, there is a high probability that, as an adult, she will be drawn to older men, looking for a replacement for “dad”.
If you come across a suitable partner, confident and successful, who subconsciously searches for a "daughter", then the union promises to be successful. In this case, age does not matter, the couple will feel comfortable.
It is much more difficult to build a relationship when a woman is much older than a man. A woman with experience in relationships with men already has a much better understanding of the concept of marriage. For her, it is clear that sex and fun pastime are not yet a guarantee of a happy union. And young men treat serious relationships superficially and do not immediately think about family life.
There are probably two ways of development for such a relationship. The first option is "mom - son", when an adult woman will take care of her young chosen one in every possible way. Such a relationship may well exist. But you need to be prepared for the fact that the "son" will one day grow up and want independence. Therefore, it is better to immediately build relations on the equality of the parties.
The second option is when a young man simply lives at the expense of a woman. If this happens by agreement of the parties, then certainly age does not matter.
IS AGE IMPORTANT IN A MAN'S RELATIONSHIP
Adults, experienced men, most often already divorced, often choose young girls as their companions. Why is this happening? At a certain age, men have an urgent need to prove to themselves and others that he is still young and strong. It's no secret that the main indicator of strength for a man is sexual activity. And the fact that the girl's choice fell on this man is in itself proof of his consistency in the eyes of others. Age does not matter if the partner adequately evaluates his feelings. Such a relationship can be quite successful.
The other side of the coin is when a man is much younger than a woman. Is age important in such a relationship? According to Freud, the Oedipus complex is evident here, when a man is looking for a partner older than himself in order to receive the mother's affection that is missing in childhood. Society looks at such couples most critically, and it is mainly women who are criticized. But there are many examples of such unions that are quite happy.
And yet, each pair is unique in its own way. There are no rules or patterns in a relationship. If people like each other, they feel good together, they have a lot in common and plans for the future, then age does not matter. After all, the main thing for a family is love, trust, mutual respect, mutual understanding and spiritual closeness.
Kamalova
Good day to all! I have been dating a guy for over 2 years. She repeatedly found out about his infidelities with other girls, she doesn't want to let me go, and I can't be with another man. We have an age difference of 7 years. Once again he lied to me that he flew to Moscow for 10 days. But in fact he is here. I don’t know what to do, it’s unpleasant that he’s like that with me. How can I forget him? He doesn’t leave my head, sometimes it seems that I’m sick. Just keep silent and pretend that I'm not aware of his next lie, or throw tantrums like a normal woman ... got confused ((
Kamalova, good afternoon!
What do you feel when you realize that you have been deceived again?
Tell us a little more about yourself. How old are you? Do you live with a boyfriend? What do you do?
Have you had serious relationships with men before?
Kamalova
At first it was insulting, after that I think that he probably wants to take a break from me. Now I don't understand anything. I have absolutely no desire to do something, I have no desire even to live. I cry constantly. I think that I am weak. I am 21 years old, I live with my mother. But he often visits me, stays at night. We often see each other. We live not far from each other. I work in a clinic as a manager, part-time I study at the institute by correspondence. He is my first
Kamalova
No. I think that I am acting like a wise woman, I am silent about his mistakes. Well, so that the relationship is not a burden for him, for us. Or is it wrong ??
Kamalov, and how then does he know that he is giving you trouble?
He does what suits him and thinks that everything is in order. You are tormented, suffering, but at the same time you are silent ...
I think that I act like a wise woman, I shut up about his mistakes. Well, so that the relationship is not a burden for him, for us
How do you like in such a relationship? It was definitely not a burden for him, he was tired of one and went to another. How do you do this? Are you satisfied, happy?
In general, how do you see an ideal relationship for yourself? What kind of relationship did you want? How do you want a man to treat and act with you?
Kamalova
Olga, I really want children from him. For some reason I see him as an ideal man, I just want to be happy. It seems that beautiful love of courtship is only in books. I want to be taken care of, always by my side, especially moral support is not enough for me. Can you advise something? Friends say throw him
Kamalova
in his attitude to life, to people. in his kindness. Of course, it doesn't fit this description .. ((
Kamalova
As I read a phrase, it is better to live a moment with a loved one in misfortune than all my life with an unloved one. I don't get anything from this relationship. Only nerves and pleasure. I have such satisfaction from life as if I have everything when I am with him, from him only his presence. But I feel very protected with him. I do everything for him. To look beautiful, the gym, diets, so as not to be stupid, I read abstruse books, I do not sleep, I wait for him, I step over pride and principles through my parents too.
To look beautiful, the gym, diets, so as not to be stupid, I read abstruse books, I do not sleep waiting for him,
Have you discussed with him what you want from each other in a relationship? You write about diets and appearance. Did he say what he wants from you? How does he see the further development of relations?
You, I understand, want to marry him and children. It is not entirely clear why, but nevertheless, at the moment, you have such a desire. Have you voiced your wishes to him?
At the moment, everything looks like this.
You are sitting, thinking only dumb, it seems. That you don’t ask for anything for yourself, endure his deceptions, in the end you suffer, but at the same time you don’t want to let him go, love and expect him to marry you.
Kamalova
yes, you are right. But I don’t talk with him about it. Most likely this is all nonsense, right? what I thought of myself that I would be happy with him
Most likely this is all nonsense, right?
This is not nonsense, these are your desires!
Do you need to clearly articulate what you want in your life at the moment?
Do you want a family and children now, or do you want it after a while?
What kind of family relationship do you want? Do you need to understand what makes you happy?
Are you learning whether social manifestations of yourself are important to you, and not just in the family?
And then, to deal with WHO and how is it possible?
To do this, you need to communicate with different men, notice their behavior, how they treat you, etc.
And then make a choice. The choice of what suits you exactly according to your wishes and requests.
You have not done this work for yourself at the moment. I think it's worth doing this. This may take some time.
It would be good for you to go to a psychologist for personal consultations, here, with this topic.
Here are the answers to the following questions to get you started:
How did you choose your current man? How did your relationship start?
Are you paying attention to other men now?
Do you have male friends?
After you figure out what you want at the moment, you need to talk to your current man for your further communication.
You need to offer to speak. What do you want from him to voice? It can be loyalty, or you decide that already, now, you want to get married, etc.
What do you like, what do you dislike. How do you want him to change his behavior?
Hear what he wants about you? As you see the development of your relationship.
What does he want from you? What do you like, what do you dislike, and what changes in behavior does he expect from you?
And then it will become clear whether you can agree.
Are you or is he ready for those behavioral changes that your partner expects, or is it not realistic?
Well, for example, you want to get married, but he still does not want to bind himself with any obligations.
If you succeed, then you stay together.
If you cannot satisfy each other's wishes, then you can decide to disperse.
Everything here will depend on your choices and agreements.
It is very important for you to understand WHAT YOU want before such a conversation.
And do not get hung up on the fact that this man is the only possible option for your happiness.
Believe me, there are a lot of them :)
It is important for you to clearly defend YOUR interests.
Your man can cheat for a variety of reasons. He may lack something from you, he does not talk about it, but prefers to look for it on the side.
If this becomes clear during the conversation, then perhaps you can change something here.
On the other hand, there may be other reasons for this behavior. And, it is not at all a fact that it will change.
It is important for you to choose for yourself: will you tolerate what you do not like, or will you find someone with whom you will be happy?
Kamalova
Dear Olga, thank you for being there. Your words, questions. I burst into tears, I will definitely do what you said. After that I will definitely unsubscribe. I’m all glued up like. Thank you very much. May God find me the strength to say everything to his face.
Kamalova, please!
May God find me the strength to say everything to his face.
Strength comes when we allow ourselves to get angry about something that doesn't suit us.
And anger is a normal reaction when you don't get what you want from someone.
You can direct this anger against yourself into self-abasement, or you can get what you want. Of course, I'm not talking about extremes and violence. I mean directing is also telling the other person about yourself and your needs. But for this they need to be well understood and able to defend their interests. This may take time, and most importantly, support is required. I would recommend that you go at least several times for personal consultations with a psychologist on this topic. If this is not possible, then find support from your friends or mom.
Of course, he can refuse you, and you can lose your relationship with this person. after all, this is precisely what you are afraid of.
But here you already need to make a choice for yourself based on your needs. You can lose this relationship, but you can go through it and move on, and find for yourself what you want.
Here, the support of loved ones is also important.
Good luck to you! Write!
Kamalova
Thank you very much Olga :)
