How to express your emotions correctly. How do you learn to show your feelings? Expressing negative feelings

The question often arises - what is alexithymia. Alexithymia is the inability of a person to use words to express their emotions, experienced experiences. Such people cannot, as it is commonly called, speak out to make things easier.

In psychology, alexithymia is not considered a psychological disease. This phenomenon is a functional feature of the nervous system. Also, this ailment has nothing to do with the mental abilities of a person, since many people with such a diagnosis have an extremely high level of intellectual development.

Forms of alexithymia

The inability to express emotions, according to statistical studies, manifests itself in about 5-25 percent of the world's population. Someone is a pronounced alexithymic, while others have only certain signs. There are many controversial methods for identifying alexithymia in humans.

The most common scheme is the Toronto alexithymia scale. It consists in the need to answer a number of questions. In this case, the patient gives his answer, choosing one of several options. The level of manifestation of alexetimia is determined by calculating the scores of the tested person.

The inability to express one's feelings and emotions, that is, alexithymia, has two forms of manifestation:

• primary.
• secondary;

Primary, it is congenital, caused by certain malformations in development, the consequences of negative influences during pregnancy or already during childbirth, diseases suffered in infancy. How to learn to express your feelings when you have the primary form of the disorder? Such alexithymia is extremely persistent, therefore the treatment is difficult, difficult to cure.

Secondary. This emotional ailment manifests itself in older people who can be somatically perfectly healthy. Signs of alexithymia develop against the background of a nervous breakdown, severe shocks, psychological trauma or neurological ailments. Many psychosis, such as autism or schizophrenia, for example, are often accompanied by the presence of alexithymia in the patient.

The concept of alexithymia is described in detail in many psychological publications. They consider, among other things, the impact of education on the development of symptoms of the disease. It can be:

• social stereotypes;
• imposed norms of behavior;
• prohibitions on the expression of emotions in public;
• irrational methods of influencing the child's psyche.

All this leads to the fact that a grown-up child, already being a completely adult and independent person, cannot describe his emotional state.

The consequences of alexithymia

Without learning how to express emotions, a person can face a number of consequences. Alexithymic is prone to manifestation of various diseases and disorders that arise against the background of the absence of expressed emotions.

Do not think that a person who does not express emotions in public does not have them at all. Emotions are present in no less quantity than in an ordinary person. It's just that the alexithymic suffers from the inability to express them.

If you do not pour out emotions for a long time, this can become a reason for more serious psychosomatic problems.

Most often, alexithymia sufferers find:

• ischemic heart disease;
• arterial hypertension;
• bronchial asthma;
• atherosclerosis;
• ulcerative diseases in various areas;
• migraine;
• allergic reactions;
• dermatitis;
• gastritis;
• colitis;
• duodenitis, etc.

Specialists pay great attention to the problem of obesity development against the background of alexithymia. Statistics clearly show that many people who are unable to express their emotional state have problems with being overweight.

Since a person cannot be aware of his experiences, feelings and emotions, the body gives signals for uncontrolled eating. As a result, weight is actively gaining, and nutrition becomes irregular and predominantly unbalanced, can be observed.

Alexithymics diagnosed with obesity are more difficult to treat than others. The possibility of recovery is still present, however, for the most part, doctors make an unfavorable prognosis.

Symptoms

The presence of certain characteristic manifestations of the emotional and unemotional type make it possible to identify alexithymia in a person. Many people mistakenly believe that the alexithymic is characterized only by emotional signs. In practice, they cover other areas as well:

• Difficult perception and expression by a person of felt feelings, his own thoughts. No, no one says that alexithymics do not feel emotion at all. On the contrary, they have the full range of emotions, like any other person. But, unlike them, alexithymics are not able to describe how they feel at any given moment. Against this background, problems arise with the perception of emotions that others show. Simply put, it is extremely difficult to communicate with alexithymics with emotions, since they may not understand you at all. Due to this feature of the disease, communication problems arise, which leads to a gradual renunciation of friends, acquaintances and even relatives. Alexithimics prefer solitude and a secluded lifestyle.
• The problem with fantasy. People with alexithymia have limited imaginations, so they are practically unable to do any work that requires creative skills. Some of them fall into a stupor or panic when it becomes necessary to imagine or think of something.
• Rare presence of dreams. This follows directly from the previous point. Since alexithymics are incapable of imagining and fantasizing, they practically do not see dreams. If dreams appear, then they are mostly ordinary, everyday activities that accompany his real life. A person cannot see something non-existent, previously unseen or simulate an unusual situation in a dream.
• A clear expression of emotions, structural thinking, the predominance of logical conclusions and expressions. Such people cannot dream or hover in the clouds, as they say. There is no fantasy. Some may call this a positive moment, since this way a person is not distracted by dreams, but strictly goes to a given goal. But in fact, it is difficult for any person without dreams and fantasies. Alexithimists express and describe problems concretely and argue clearly.
• Distrust of intuition. Most alexithymics do not trust intuition at all, or completely deny the fact of its existence.
• Body sensations instead of emotions. A person with alexithymia expresses all emotional experiences with the body. In other words, when they try to ask him about feelings, he basically describes what his body is feeling at the moment - discomfort, pain, heat, pressure, etc.

Treating the disorder

It is not worth pinning high hopes on curing a person suffering from the primary form of alexithymia. For the most part, the prognosis for treatment is dubious.

The situation is somewhat different with the treatment of the secondary form of the disorder. There are a number of methods on how to learn to express emotions and get rid of the characteristic signs and manifestations of alexithymia. However, it should be noted right away that in some cases the treatment process can take a long time. You should be psychologically prepared for this.

The main method of treatment is based on psychotherapy. Statistics speaks in favor of this method even in the treatment of people in whom alexithymia proceeds along with eating disorders that lead to obesity.

Often, patients are prescribed Gestalt therapy, conventional psychodynamic and modified therapy. In addition to treatment, techniques such as hypnosis, suggestion, and art therapy are used.

Although all the methods presented are aimed at appropriate behavior correction, a person's awareness of their emotions and their manifestation, the influence of art therapy should be separately noted.

Art therapy is a great tool for developing the imagination. So a person significantly expands his emotional manifestations, gradually shows fantasy and imagination. The more actively alexithymitics engage in these exercises, the higher the likelihood of complete getting rid of the signs of the disorder.

If we talk about drug treatment, then there are more questions than answers. No universal drugs have yet been identified, although many cases of successful use of various pharmacological developments have been recorded.

Recent research results show that optimal results are achieved through complex action on the problem, where both drugs and psychological methods of influence are used. A prerequisite is the effective treatment of all psychosomatic ailments that provoked alexithymia or arose against its background.

When you are in a relationship with the person who has won your heart, sometimes there is a burning desire to tell the other half about your feelings. But if you're in love with someone you don't know so well, expressing yourself can be a little more difficult. Confessing your feelings may seem awkward at first, but there are many other options besides just saying "I love you." Airplanes pulling canvases with hearts behind them will, of course, be overkill, but simpler means may even contain much more meaning.

Steps

Recognizing the person you are in a relationship with

Just say "I love you." This phrase is the most correct way to express your own feelings, and at the same time it shows the power of these feelings. However, there are many ways to declare love in other words. For example, instead of the phrase "I love you" you can use words that have a similar meaning: "I am so lucky with you", or "I love it so much when you ..." or "I adore you for the fact that ..."

• These varied sayings will help you express exactly what you love your partner for and breathe new life into these three words.

1. Tell the person how important they are to you. Tell your partner about the positive contributions they have made to your life. This is a wonderful way to show how much you love and appreciate him. For example, if your partner creates a carefree atmosphere when spending time with your family, tell him that these meetings are so easy thanks to him. If you've had a bad day at work and you feel a surge of relief at the moment you meet your loved one, tell him that your mood immediately changes for the better, as soon as you see him.

   • If your loved one makes your life better or easier by influencing or diversifying your life, let him or her know that he or she is desired, valuable, and loved.

2. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability in this case means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in an absolutely sincere way. Along with this, you may run the risk of encountering criticism, rejection, or your loved one may hurt you. However, it is important to remember that sincere love for your partner opens your heart to him, saying that opening your “I” for him seems worthy of even the risk of being offended. After all, it is you who sacrifice personal space for a deeper connection between you.

   • Since it is so difficult to make such sacrifices, your dedication to the relationship shows vulnerability towards the person you love.

3. Ask your partner for advice. Asking for help shows that you value and trust the person's opinion. This means that his guidance is very important to you, which adds value to that person and is a step forward towards a stronger relationship.

   • It doesn't have to be a big deal, but a big decision might be fine. The main thing is to show your partner that you are interested in his opinion and approach, and in this way you show your respect.

4. Show your feelings to each other. If your partner is clearly upset, preoccupied, angry, or anxious, ask them to open up to you and vent their feelings. Sometimes people just need to voice their concerns to someone. Let your partner know that you are ready to listen to whatever they have to say.

   • This will show that you are ready to be a listener and a joy to your loved one.
   • Put your phone aside while your feelings are poured out. Listen to the words, observe the person's feelings, and respond thoughtfully.
   • If you have nothing to say, a strong hug will show your loved one that you are always with him.

5. Tell each other secrets. Shared secrets are a small way to tell your loved one that you trust them. People do not share secrets with just anyone, so trusting someone with your innermost feelings and thoughts is a sure sign of caring and love in a relationship.

   • When you are in secret with each other, your bond becomes even closer.

6. Always be honest. It can be difficult to be honest with the person you love, especially when trying to protect their feelings. Very often, truth increases the ability to bond with your partner, even if it might offend someone. It shows that you rather be truthful and real, rather than phony and comforting.

   • When you are honest with your partner about your feelings, even if you know that it will not bring him peace, it is still a sign of respect for the person.
   • Just remember to be gentle when speaking the truth. She can be cruel, of course, but she shouldn't sound angry.

7. Encourage your partner. It's safe to say that a responsibility towards your significant other - just like the highest interests in a relationship - is to show your love, to encourage and help your partner achieve their dreams and goals in life. By providing support, you encourage your partner to be the best version of themselves and to strive for what they want.

   • You can cheer your partner up with phrases like “I believe you can do it,” “You are great at what you do,” or “Your hard work will pay off soon.”
   • Words of support and advocacy for your partner's success express your love and support.

8. Write a letter. Sometimes an old-fashioned love letter is a very romantic way of expressing your feelings. Writing a letter like this can also help express your feelings and emotions, as your stream of consciousness speaks for you. Think about how you would write this letter. What would you like to say to your loved one? Start your letter with the reasons why you are writing it. For example, start it with the words “I've been thinking about how I missed you…” or “I wanted to tell you today how much I love you, but I never got the opportunity…”.

   • Give examples from your experiences or memories to remind you of bright, tender feelings. Be sure to write about what you love about your partner, or how you feel around him, or why you are happy to be around.
   • Writing a letter is the best way to show that your words are meaningful because it takes more effort than typing. In addition, your personal handwriting betrays the sincerity of the letter.

9. Listen. Too often, we underestimate the power of a thoughtful question from an attentive listener. When you really listen to someone, you are completely focused on the person, giving them 100% attention.

   • While this is a fairly simple activity, listening is a very powerful expression of caring that demonstrates your willingness to help and be with your partner, no matter what situation.
   • Listening heightens the feeling that together you are both a team, and that you are always ready to help your partner at his first call.

10. Help with the little things. Anything you can do to reduce the burden of responsibility on your loved one’s shoulders speaks volumes about how much you care and love that person.

    • Even such little things as rushing off to buy breakfast while your beloved or loved one is still sleeping, or refueling the car or washing the dishes is a sure way to show the person that you are thinking of him.

11. Be tactful. Being tactful means thinking about your partner's feelings in everything you do. You should also make any decisions with your partner's best interests in mind.

    • For example, if you are going camping, grab some extra mattresses for your loved one or loved one if you think it will be uncomfortable for him to sleep on a hard surface. Or, if you're going on a picnic, have some of your favorite treats prepared for your partner as a surprise.

12. Leave some time to have a good time with your beloved or loved one. Everyday worries overwhelm us, but it's worth making an effort to have a good time with your loved one, as this is a great way to reconnect with him and share your thoughts and ideas. Spend free time with each other, take a walk or have dinner together.

    • What really matters is not how much time you are together, but how you spend it. It doesn't have to be a strict schedule, but it is the fact that you put in the effort that matters.

13. Be a kid. As we grow older, our lives sometimes become monotonous and boring. In such cases, you should awaken the child within yourself. Fill your life with surprises, be spontaneous and try new things.

    • This is not a direct indicator of love, but maintaining a positive attitude in your relationship demonstrates your commitment to making the time together enjoyable. Go through all the adventures together and they will create many fun memories and stories in the future.

14. More gentle touches. Each person shows affection in different ways, but even small gentle touches express love on a physical level. Little things like holding hands, playfully touching your hands, or resting your head on your partner's shoulder also speak volumes about how you feel and how close you are.

    Hug. Hugging gives people a physical sense of security and literally brings people a sense of being immersed in love. There is nothing difficult or objectionable about hugging, making it the perfect way to express feelings.

    • Hug your loved one with both hands, turning to face him. These hugs are the most romantic. Other types of hugs (with one hand or on one side) are more everyday and carry less meaning.
    • A good, meaningful hug lasts a little longer than usual. A five to seven second hug is usually enough to express your feelings.

15. Snuggle up to each other. It's no secret that snuggling up to a loved one is just as pleasant as hugging him. This short break from the stress of everyday life will show you love by keeping your focus on your partner and your feelings for him.

    Give your partner a massage. Give your partner a regular neck massage while watching a movie, or simply stroke him or run your fingers through his hair. Let him lie on his back and rest his head in your lap while you massage his shoulders and neck.

    • Never be afraid to express your love through touch, because this is another way to feel it.

    How to explain your feelings to the subject of sighing

    1. Be confident in yourself. Just be yourself by communicating with your crush. You don't want to build a relationship on lies or pretend that you are not who you are trying to be. So let your personality shine. Sometimes, when you have nothing to talk about, ask your beloved or beloved about something from life, or just give a compliment. You might say something like, "What kind of sport do you like to do?" or "You did a great presentation at the presentation!"

       • The simplest topics to talk about with the subject of the sigh are general things like study, travel, or favorite restaurants. Common conversation topics will cheer you up and relax you.

    2. Let your body language speak for you. Touching is a sign of closeness. So trying to break through the barrier of touch is a very subtle way of expressing your love for the thing you are sighing for. Light touches are the best way to convey your message of love in a less open manner.

       • For example, if you are talking to or passing by your lover or sweetheart, you can just lightly touch his or her shoulder. If you are sitting nearby, you can casually touch her / his knee or leg with your knee or leg and smile to show your feelings.
       • With just a little physical attention, your subject will know that you like him or her. Light touches during a conversation, even one or two, are a sure way to let the person know how you feel about them.

    3. Write a letter. Sometimes verbalizing feelings for a loved one can be difficult, so a love letter is an easy way to express love without having to do it in person. Still following the previous method, start your letter by stating what inspired you to write it.

    4. Make writing easy. You can start your letter with some casual phrases, and insert some general jokes or memories of the moments of fun between you. Proceeding from this, you can delve into your feelings and write about the reason for this letter, and even confess your love to your loved one. You can say something like, "I just wanted to tell you that I like you and I really enjoy spending time with you."

       • Keep your letter short and sweet. You probably don't want to go into the details of how much you like him / her and why, before you get an answer about the reciprocity of feelings towards you.

    5. Declare your love in person. Choose a place away from the hustle and bustle where you can talk in private, create eye contact, and simply tell your loved one how you feel. You can talk about something small, but after a while, get right down to business and express your feelings. You can compliment a couple of things while talking about how you feel about this person. For example: “I really like you. No one else can make me laugh like you. "

       • After you confess your love to the person, give him time to react and become aware of the information received. You don't need to immediately ask how he feels about you or what he thinks about it.
       • It is unlikely that you want to confess everything at once. Give the person time to respond, and try not to pressure them.

Our attitude to the expression of feelings is closely related to how it was customary to do in the parental family. According to research, open and free expression of emotions is characteristic of only 10% of Russians. The remaining 90% experience insecurity, fear, and pain when it comes to feelings.

1. Become aware of feelings

The state of internal hysteria, when it is very anxious, but it is completely unclear why, and most importantly, what kind of feeling we are experiencing is familiar to everyone. Exhausted by this internal struggle, we may break into a colleague who talks too loudly on the phone or is too slow to respond to our request. Or get sick if aggression towards other people has been taboo since childhood. And an emotion that cannot be prohibited begins to gnaw a person from the inside. To end this pointless and merciless fight with yourself or others, you need to become aware of your feelings. Psychologist Galina Kolpakova recommends observing your body for this: “Each feeling has its own bodily display. For example, someone clenches their fists when angry, another blushes. It is important to create an individual bodily portrait of emotions - then it will be easier to understand them. " Awareness is also helped by the "Diary of Feelings", if you write down all the nuances of the emotional state in it every day, this will allow you to understand what is happening, get out of the state of emotional capture and take a sober look at the situation.

2. Find out the reasons

The founder of transactional analysis, Eric Berne, took feelings very seriously. He divided them into real ones, when, for example, stepping on the foot of a passer-by, we feel guilty and ask for forgiveness, and reket, when we need the same guilt in order to manipulate others. According to a systemic family therapist Maria Shumikhina, how emotions are expressed in the family is the result of jointly developed rules, an unspoken compromise or a deal. Do you like to shout? “Aggression in marriage can be a way to attract attention to oneself, to compensate for the lost sense of self-worth,” the specialist assures.

3. Be sincere

Often we become hostages of certain patterns of behavior, we act as we are used to. At such moments it seems as if they are not managing their own lives, but some unknown force. You can regain control over your behavior if you follow the seemingly paradoxical advice - to give free rein to emotions.

Analytical psychologist Yulia Zhemchuzhnikova suggests: “Allow yourself to indulge in emotions, leave the observing Self aside - let it rejoice and be surprised:“ Wow, how I, it turns out, got angry / upset. People read each other's emotions. If you sincerely express your fear, anger, joy, tenderness, others feel comfortable and grateful. If you just try to look upset, angry or affectionate, it doesn't cause anything but irritation. "

4. Find the addressee

Emotions must be expressed in a targeted manner. Often we experience a vague unpleasant feeling - irritation or discontent, but we do not have time to think about the reasons and splash out negative on the one who was the first to turn up at the arm.

There is only one conclusion: to express a feeling in hot pursuit, to the person who aroused this feeling, and using the "I-message". That is, you shouldn't say: "You piss me off because you watch football on TV all day." Much better: "I feel pain and bewilderment when I see a person who sits in front of the TV all day." Here the most important art is, having started your claim with the "I-message", not to slip into a classic accusation. That is, “It hurts me to watch you watch football all day” is not suitable.

5. Talk to your inner child

Very often we incorrectly express precisely those feelings and emotions that we were forbidden to show in childhood. “There are four basic emotions: sadness, anger, fear and joy,” says the psychologist. Ekaterina Stepanova... - It is necessary to remember which of them was taboo in childhood? Perhaps the scandals, intrigues, investigations that accompany the current segment of life are so intense because the situation repeats childhood conflicts. It is likely that with the same cry, our Inner Child is trying to talk about his unmet needs and wants. An excellent ambulance will be our personal attention to our Inner Child. It is worth telling him that we hear and understand his anger, resentment, anger (the feeling must be named), and tell how exactly we will protect him from the aggressive outside world. If it is not possible to build such a dialogue, then you should definitely seek professional psychological help.

6. Express emotions

Feelings are energy that needs to be released. “Displacing energy into the unconscious is like creating a time bomb that can detonate at the most inopportune time,” says Galina Kolpakova. Tantrums are often just such an explosion, and it can be prevented by processing the energy of emotions. You can not only shout your feelings, you can draw them, dance them, work out in the gym, or describe them “under lock and key” in an Internet diary. According to Ekaterina Stepanova, strong emotions always contain an element of powerlessness, and hysteria is an extreme measure, the last hope in situations when you feel like a victim of circumstances, upbringing or relationships with a partner.

Question to the psychologist:

Good day! My name is Oksana, I am 25 years old, I work. I am very withdrawn and uncommunicative, it is difficult for me to express my feelings to other people if their opinion of me is important to me.

Now I have a boyfriend, and I do not understand well what kind of relationship between us. To me it looks like we just have sex sometimes, when we meet and that's it. At first we just talked, mainly on work issues. At some point, he wrote that he was interested in me and he would like me to be more open with him, it was clear that he showed sympathy and, in general, I liked him. I began to pay more attention to him, but still I didn't tell something personal, I just can't imagine how you can just take and start telling a person about your experiences. If he asked me now about anything, I would answer, but I cannot start myself. After the first intimacy, it began to seem to me that we already had a strained relationship, that he was not interested in me. I think this is because I did not answer him with sincerity, did not say how I felt. I never complimented him or how I enjoy being with him. Once I got ready and made up my mind, but I simply could not utter a word. It was as if my mouth had gone numb and all the thoughts from my head had evaporated, except for the one that I could not do it. Sometimes I try to write something to him to show interest, but I don't really know what to write. I can write something like "how are you?" and after his rather dry answer, I have nothing more to say, I have neither ideas nor assumptions, and also nothing interesting happens in my life for me to talk about myself.

And more recently, I noticed that, in general, I have nothing to write to anyone, I can't think of a birthday greeting, even for a good friend. Sometimes I find it very difficult to listen to the stories that a colleague tells me. And even more so, I'm not interested in looking at other people's photos from the rest. I showed my people from vacation to a couple of people with reluctance, it seems to me that no one needs it. I am not at all interested in someone else's life and I have nothing to say about my own. Even before I was not very sociable and sociable, and it was difficult for me to make acquaintances and contacts with people, especially with new ones. And in order for me to feel at ease with a person or company, I need a couple of months. But even before, there was not so much indifference in me. It has evolved over the past year or so.

My parents divorced when I was seven. After moving and moving to a new school, it became very difficult for me to establish contacts with other children. In the first school I was quite sociable and was not afraid to talk to anyone. I could easily meet someone in the yard. In the new city, I had my first girlfriends only because they were our neighbors and our parents gently forced us to communicate. I made my normal friends in the 8th grade.

In the first year after the divorce, my father came to me a couple of times. Then I had to come one summer, but did not come and did not contact me to say why. At least no one said anything to me, I was waiting for him, but he was not there. I was very worried, cried, went with his photo. But my relatives (my grandmother for sure) said that I was a fool and behaved like a fool, and it was quite harsh. Perhaps after that I did not share my feelings with my family. I cried a lot, it seemed to me that no one in the family loves me, and that no one cares about me and my thoughts, experiences. After this incident, my mother decided to find out what was happening to me and why I behave the way I do when I was 12. I had a lot of problems that seemed huge to me then: they mainly related to my complexes (I considered myself ugly , especially in comparison with a neighbor) and not being able to communicate with anyone at all - neither with classmates, nor with teachers, as well as not having funds for entertainment and beautiful things, and in general our family often had financial problems. I envied my neighbor, because it seemed to me that she was beautiful, and her life was good, she had a complete family, her own room, friends, various things, a game console. Then my mother was quite harsh and said that I must be strong, I must work on myself, and if I just whine and feel sorry for myself, then I will remain on the margins of life and a failure. The whole conversation I cried and wanted her to hug me to comfort me, it seemed to me that it was already hard for me, I just wanted a little support, but she only accused me of crying. Since then, of course, I have become somewhat better. I no longer feel sorry for myself and I don’t think how poor and unhappy I am, I don’t consider myself ugly and a failure. But it seems to me that since then it has been unthinkable for me to share my feelings and experiences, to open up to other people. Now I have a good relationship with my mother, but I do not like to tell her about my difficulties.

In fact, I can still be unsure of myself and have low self-esteem (I guess I think that I normally assess myself and especially my ability to interact with other people).

I have absolutely no idea how I could express my feelings for people who are not indifferent to me. I just can't find the words and don't know what to say. I have nothing to say. But I would really like to be able to be more open. I would like to be able to express feelings, know what to say and not be afraid to do it. Please tell me what I can do to arrive at this.

The question is answered by the psychologist Zhuravlev Alexander Evgenievich.

Hello Oksana.

Your mom, in general, said everything:

you have to work on yourself.

As for "feeling sorry for myself" and "whining" - I also agree. It is in your case.

In order for the matter to get off the ground, it is necessary to start! Start to act, start to do at least something in the right direction, make at least some effort and demonstrate will.

I will explain to you my concept, and you will "earn extra money" for yourself.

Nothing particularly terrible has happened in your life. Moreover, you even yourself know in which direction to move. Thus, there is no question of any depressive moments. If only ... If only in the area that concerns the future. The future (your own) is completely inaccessible to you. You just don't see it and that's it! This is already bad.

But now is not about that. You need to understand what to do NOW and how to work on yourself.

First, take a piece of paper and clearly divide it into two columns: "my strengths" and "my weaknesses." I understand that there will be more weak ones and they will be brighter. Why - don't ask!

Your task: LEAD EVERYTHING TO EQUALITY. There should be equal strengths and weaknesses and qualities. If it doesn’t work, then do not be afraid - this is not a task for one day!

First of all, you need to analyze the strengths! They must be clearly marked, correctly formulated, understandable and intelligible.

Think about how to use them for your own good!

Review the weaknesses. The goal is to think, what if there are hidden strengths among them ???

For example! You can write about yourself "closed, uncommunicative". This is not particularly good. But! Closed means mysterious, mysterious, careful. Lack of communication can be "reformulated" into caution, restraint. Etc.

That is, if a weak quality can be interpreted as strong, then it is not weak at all)))).

Do you understand me?

If there are weak qualities that do not lend themselves to reframing, then you need to think about how exactly to turn them into strong ones, or how to make them less noticeable.

Is it difficult to express emotions? “You just have to practice in front of the mirror. There are several of the most striking emotional states: anger, anger, irritation, pleasure, joy, delight, surprise, thoughtfulness, sadness, curiosity, etc. You can add to this list as much as you like. The more words there are, the better. Then you depict the desired emotion in front of the mirror. Try to "exercise" as many muscles as possible. Let the whole body work! You can add laughter, crying - whatever you want!

Then, when you "catch" the essence of the matter, you will include words. Just say the words that are appropriate for this emotional and psychological state. You can read poetry, sing songs or come up with something completely your own. You can just say numbers! But with the right and appropriate intonation.

These "sketches" will help you to relieve the internal stress, called "clamp". And such sketches are made by students of theatrical universities.

Secondly! You need to find yourself an occupation that would give you a sense of being in demand, comfort and success. At least, again, sing songs! If it brings joy to you and people like it, then for God's sake!

Guy ... But you shouldn't tell him anything about his exclusivity! Just try to remember the exercises in front of the mirror and express the emotion without using words! If you need it, of course!

Don't set any special goals. People will "go" to you, reach out if they see you as a confident, SELF-SUFFICIENT person. You must every day ...

Thirdly, you need to learn to DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR YOURSELF AND FOR PEOPLE EVERY DAY. I'm not talking about charity. Here you just need to be able to help correctly, naturally and to the point.

And you need to praise yourself! Do not criticize, do not regret, do not forget, namely PRAISE. Praise and encourage.

Have done something right, strong, uncharacteristic for yourself, for your weakness - praise yourself, encourage. At least a chocolate, at least a kind word. Praised and move on!

Do it FOR YOURSELF! Only for myself!

Get used to the pronoun "I". And to the fact that after it are followed by strong words: strong, effective, doing!

You have to talk to mom. Do not dump your problems and dissatisfaction on her, namely, talk. You need to ask questions, ask, show interest in her, and not demand attention to yourself.

There will be attention and help, but the vector must come from you!

Train yourself to think about tomorrow, living in the day for today. Forgive your father. forgive yourself, forgive everyone who offended you. And - boldly set off.

I ask you to write to us!

This is just the beginning of a long conversation. Good luck. A. Zhuravlev

4.75 Rating 4.75 (4 Votes)

Hello!

Emotions are an integral part of human consciousness. The fact is that emotions and feelings have not one definite function, but several.
First of all, emotions and feelings, like all other mental processes, are a reflection of reality, but only in the form of an experience.
In this case, the concepts of "emotions" and "feelings", which are often used "in everyday life" as equivalent, actually denote various mental phenomena, which, of course, are closely related to each other.
Both emotions and feelings reflect the needs of a person, or rather, how these needs are satisfied. Emotional experiences reflect the vital significance of phenomena and situations acting on a person. In other words, emotions are a reflection in the form of a biased experience of the vital meaning of phenomena and situations.
In general, we can say that everything that facilitates or facilitates the satisfaction of needs causes positive emotional experiences, and, conversely, everything that prevents this is negative.
An important difference between feelings and emotions is that feelings have relative stability and constancy, and emotions arise in response to a specific situation.
The deep connection of feeling with emotions is manifested, first of all, in the fact that the feeling is experienced and found precisely in specific emotions. So, the feeling of love for a loved one can be experienced depending on the situation as an emotion of joy for him, pleasure from communication, anxiety if something threatens him, annoyance if he has not justified our hopes, pride in his success, shame in if he did something unworthy, etc.
The structure of feeling includes not only emotion, direct experience, but also a more generalized relationship associated with knowledge, understanding, concept.
One of the main functions of emotions is that they help to navigate in the surrounding reality, to evaluate objects and phenomena in terms of their desirability or undesirability, usefulness or harmfulness.
Emotion arises when there is a mismatch between what is necessary to know and in order to satisfy the need (necessary information), and what is actually known.

It is important to understand what exactly prevents you from expressing your emotions. It is necessary to be aware and give yourself an account of exactly what you are feeling at a certain moment.

Here are some tips for learning how to express your emotions:

• If a person has done a good deed for you or said kind words to you, do not hesitate to thank him for this. Speak sincerely, express the feelings that you have in your soul. Let it be not a simple "Thank you", but a more extended expression: "How nice to receive this gift from you", "You cook wonderfully."
• Support your words with actions - intonation, posture, facial expressions. If you say gratitude with a stone face, the person will not have a very flattering impression of you. And the words spoken with a warm, sincere smile will leave pleasant a trace in his soul. And in the future, he will be happy to provide you with another service.
  
• Express how you feel when talking to your partner. You are squeezed and you feel a strong anxiety in yourself, so say: "I am worried, I do not know how to start." A normal interlocutor will always support you, give you the opportunity to calm down.
  
• Negative emotions also cannot be hidden, they must be expressed. If you don't like something about your partner's behavior, tell him about it. No need to be silent and offended. Maybe the person does not understand what specifically does not suit you.
• Do not postpone the showdown until later, do not accumulate your grievances. This is fraught with not only a deterioration in relations, but also affects the physical condition. Keep in mind that the longer you accumulate aggression in yourself, the more it will then splash out on your partner. Perhaps, after such an explosion of accumulated emotions, you will not be able to restore normal relations.

If you have questions and need help, please contact the chat. I will be happy to help you

Happiness to you!

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