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Does a person need me. How to understand if your man needs you: the most important signs. How to understand that a married man needs you

32 conclusions by the age of 32: “The most important thing is to keep the rhythm”

The writer and journalist Olesya Novikova saw something in this life and did not wait for the “age of Christ” to bring people some revelations. She did it at 32.

1. Scary for everyone

And for those who are financially independent. And to those who are talented. And those who are unconditionally good-looking. And those who are smart and worldly savvy. And to those who were born in a happy complete family. And to those who live by the ocean. And young. And old. And to those who are recognized in their field. And those who have an understanding partner. And for those who practice yoga. And martial arts. And meditation. And for those who are just starting out. And for those who have a lot of experience. And those who seem to be doing absolutely well.

Everyone is scared.

Start new. Get out of the familiar circle. To risk. Do something that you are not used to yet. Scared for loved ones. For the cause. For his life, if he squeezes. And much more.

The fear will continue. No matter how much experience, practice, confidence, recognition, money, talent, but every time, swinging to new heights, every time, going on stage, every time, turning to loved ones - to one degree or another there will be fear. This is fine. This means that you are still alive. And that means you need to go forward. Through fear. Instead of trying to get rid of it completely.

2. Life without change does not exist

Stability is illusory. The plateau state is absurd. We are constantly on the move. But this, of course, is a tolerant banality, because in reality we are constantly aging. And we can say even tougher, but this is Pelevin's domain. I will not climb.

We are constantly changing externally and internally, these processes do not stop for a second. And there are even a lot of seconds as a measure of measurement. The processes are going on every moment. This is a multitude of seconds. Question: "To change or not to change?" a sane person cannot stand. Only: "Do I have anything to do with these changes and to what extent?"

3. Fast is slow, but without interruption

In the words of Japanese folklore.

No need to fast, intense, cool, very powerful. Just enough regularly. The most important thing is to keep the rhythm. Little by little, but with a stable consistency. And after a while from the outside it will look like fast, intense, cool and very powerful.

4. Create more than consume

Otherwise, everything. The hopeless life of the consumer is ornate intertwining into a meaningful conclusion: "Everything is good, but nothing good."

A person has to do something. Voluntarily and lovingly. This is the formula for his mental health. And as a bonus, curiously, this is the only way to enjoy consumption that will not destroy it. You can think of this process as a healthy mental metabolism.

5. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today

This phrase must be repeated like a mantra until it comes to the conclusion that your parents have nothing to do with your adult problems. In any case, it is not their fault that there is no one to change the disc in your head, which has been stuck since childhood - they are not included there anyway.

For those who understand everything about parents and the past as such, it makes sense to keep repeating until it is covered that the reasons for failure do not matter as much as it is commonly believed, and the question: "Why?" in itself is not particularly valuable, but it draws energy to the fullest. Today you can change your actions without answers at all.

6. There are no guarantees

The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to pass all your decisions and plans.

7. The era of secret knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has arrived

For five years now, knowledge has not been the main currency in the matter of achievements and any meaningful existence. The Internet has devalued them with its accessibility. Concentration replaced. The ability to keep your attention on the task and not spill interest is who rules. And this skill is in direct proportion to the information noise that is everywhere today. The more verbal rubbish around, the weaker the focus. The more other people's thoughts, the quieter your own voice. Constant presence in the Internet stream atrophies the capacity for self-awareness, replacing the essence with concepts of what it is.

8. Joy and pleasure are not the same

We never get the joy of a chocolate cake, a glass of wine, or a cigarette. We don't get joy from new boots or perfume. It is important to call a spade a spade - we have fun. And here is a completely different chemistry. The nature of this feeling is very fleeting and inextricably linked with the subsequent dissatisfaction, boredom, satiety and desire for a new portion.

It is not scary to deny yourself pleasure, it is scary not to know joy.

9. Suffering exists

Buddha was right after all. Suffering exists. Everyone suffers. And those who have nothing, and those who have everything. And whoever does not suffer at this moment will go into pain the next, as soon as the dollar rate changes, a terrorist attack will take place, will receive in response that they do not like him, will see a dirty entrance, will not wait for a response to a message, will not receive money or in any other way the breath of the breeze. Suffering exists. And always for no reason, if you remember the finale of any human being.

10. Not everyone can be happy.

This is an amazingly simple thing that I have refused to see for so long. The belief in a miracle for a happy ending on the occasion of our own unsurpassed uniqueness is too strong in us. But can everyone run a 42-kilometer running marathon? In theory - yes, human resources are capable of this, but in practice - it is available only to a trained person.

Of course, the untrained can be trained. But the chain is lengthening and it is important to see it. Right now, an unprepared person is not capable of this.

Otherwise, all the endless reasons from scratching your car will throw you into pain, irritation and anxiety. And this is just some kind of machine, but there are also more serious situations. This is samsara, baby. Such a hunted mind that reacts to any incident can be called happy only in the status of Instagram.

11. Joy is balance of the mind

Tell me this about 5 years ago, I would have twisted it at my temple. When day and night you dream of a big light love, a friendly family, an interesting profitable business, the opportunity to work for yourself and not for another, a life full of travels, it seems that you still have some idea of joy, at least about own. Yes, you are now largely not satisfied, yes, something can make you mad, yes, you are suffering. So this is understandable. But you know what to strive for. You know where your tangible enduring joy is, looking at your so alluring dreams.

Joy is a state of complete equilibrium peace of mind, which is achieved when liberating from the blind (automatic) reactions of this very mind. Healthy, perhaps the only way to know (and develop) such a state in adulthood is through deep observation meditation.

12. Fruit is not acidic, but alkaline.

If scientifically, fresh ripe fruits and almost all vegetables cause an alkaline reaction in the body and help to neutralize excess acid in it, and starch, sugar, meat products, fats, oils, dairy products, on the contrary, acidify the body. The full description is in the table by N. Walker and R. Pope, which is available through Google.

13. "My body knows what is best for it" - one of the most insidious traps of the mind

The body of an alcoholic wants to drink, the body of a smoker wants a cigarette, our body is longing for chocolate and fries. What "knows best" everyone is talking about? Just as the mind lives by automatic reactions, preventing a person from making elementary shifts in his life, so the body obeys habits and chaotic impulses of lust.

14. Nutrition affects not only our body, but also our mind

Like alcohol, which noticeably alters our consciousness, dulling it, some foods have a similar effect, but in a less pronounced and often unconscious form. Food can slow and defocus the head, weakening control, the power of awareness, and clarity of perception. A slightly “blurred” state becomes the level of the norm, allowing a person to forget what lightness and clarity really mean. The most "free" foods are fresh vegetables and fruits, as well as plant foods and cereals, prepared in a simple way with a minimum of oil, seasonings and salt.

15. You need so much money not to think about it

Money does not solve the main issue of humanity - it does not make its owner happy. But the ability not to think about them, at least in everyday life, significantly frees up energy for other processes.

16. We are all the same, much more than different.

The importance of personal uniqueness is greatly exaggerated and does not allow us to quickly solve our problems. All the answers and solutions have existed for a long time, and the fixation on his own uniqueness does not allow a person to push his ego to where it would be useful for him to always be and without interference to perceive the reality around him with all the answers and prompts.

17. Addiction can only be cured with 100% rejection.

You cannot drink one glass of wine if you are an alcoholic. You shouldn't smoke sometimes if you are trying to quit. You will be twisted constantly. Ups and downs. Disruptions. In matters of psycho-energetic "hooks" there are no semitones. And this rule is unshakable for all types of dependencies.

18. The state of internal one hundred percent readiness for change does not exist

We are always not completely ready for turns and changes. There are always good "buts" and reasons to postpone a little until a more favorable situation. It is useless to wait for an unequivocal internal agreement, you need to decide, relying more on "time" than on ephemeral readiness.

19. Life is a book whose first chapters were not written by you.

Yes, and subsequent ones too, most often.

We absorb views, positions, points of view simply automatically, we breathe them in with air and become the same or vice versa, opposite, which is also an automatic moment of denial. In childhood, this process is completely uncontrollable. The essence of our personality was collected by other people, and conscious parental contribution (if any) is far from prevalent there.

According to some psychologists, what we consider ourselves and what we must be afraid of losing is just a mosaic from our environment to one degree or another. Nothing to lose. Great news in my opinion. You can redraw everything in any direction.

20. The result is the number of attempts.

Not one well-aimed shot. And certainly not luck in the long run.

21. What helped you at one stage may turn out to be a brake on reaching the next

The ability to make drastic changes is characterized by the ability to refuse. But not only from what bothers you. Sometimes it is very important to give up what helped you in the past. A simple example: Small business rules don't work on average. It is impossible to grow without giving up some of them, even if they raised the process yesterday. It is the same with the human personality - its attitudes, plans.

22. Behind the comfort zone is the discomfort zone

Not a box of chocolates.

23. Life without a purpose does not exist

As well as states without change. The only question is: do you set these goals yourself or leave them at the mercy of instincts (unconscious goals).

24. Laziness - does not exist

There are unloved activities, lack of energy and lack of large-scale vision to take your breath away from the opening perspectives. But there is no laziness.

25. It is impossible to find oneself, one can only create oneself

There is nothing and no one to look for. You are always here and now. And your path is what is under your feet at this particular second, nothing more. That same "own" path differs from what it is not only the fact of awareness of the walker, who makes even small, but quite tangible goals. When these goals are defined by other people or they sprout chaotically through the word "must", there is no way, there is a set of motley restless episodes.

26. Alcohol is not needed

27. Unrealized potential hurts

And it is useless to hide from this fact in the chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts, the same stories about femininity, motherhood, and so on.

Every talent will be asked of us.

28. Banks should pay you, not you. This is the only possible financial health.

It's never, ever, ever worth buying what you haven't earned. Never. In any case, if you dream of major changes. We pay the bank not only with money, but also with our free energy. There is practically no room for risk and adventurous progress. A breakthrough from such a state (especially to a new financial level) is hardly possible.

29. Two abilities that need to be mastered as early as possible: the ability to strain and the ability to relax

Any movement requires effort at one time or another. If you go to it reluctantly, out of need, twice as much energy will be spent. Part on the effort itself, the rest on mental stress. To the inner struggle. Hence the need to learn to strain at will, to love your effort. With the ability to strain voluntarily, seeing this as an extremely positive aspect, the amount of effort spent will be reduced significantly. It will get bigger and easier.

And the ability to relax - to accept reality as it is, to let go of your own expectations, unleashing internal knots and relieving bodily tension through yoga and breathing techniques, for example, is the second wing, without which you cannot advance far on one tension.

30. Two answers to learn as early as possible: "Yes" and "No".

To say "yes" to situations and people despite the lack of guarantees, complete internal readiness and various external circumstances. And to say "no" first of all to yourself - to your weaknesses, fears and inner licentiousness. And only far later - to other people.

31. Cool stuff differs from good stuff by the ability of the one to forget himself.

The Creator differs from a person who does something well by putting the matter above himself, dissolving his ego in the process. And he does it consciously and lovingly, and not out of a lack of choice or a sense of duty. Thus, one marketer can be a true musician in the profession, while another musician remains the same for the rest of his life who deals with music.

32. Every sign you meet on the way always has at least 3 interpretations

1. Maybe this is really a sign! 2. Maybe you are delusional and pull facts by the ears. 3. Or maybe - this is a test - a phenomenon opposite to the sign, an attempt to divert from the chosen path, as a test of the sincerity of your decision and the strength of intention.

Photos: Shutterstock

It is conventionally considered that all of us, having reached the age of 30, are already fully formed personalities, both physiologically and psychologically. At the age of 30, an age crisis collapses, but no matter how we go through it, by the age of 32 it has already been overcome. This is experience, and conclusions, and new decisions, summing up and considering new perspectives. We are already satiated with violent adolescence, and hormones are calmer, so we balance and strive for calmness and stability, and these are now priorities for us. But life doesn't care what age we are. And therefore again - work on oneself, reasoning and self-acceptance become important stages in the understanding of life. And conclusions about what opportunities were, how many chances were missed, and how life could change. And fears. And plans. All in all, these 32 findings are what everyone goes through at age 32. Must get through.

1. Scary for everyone

Start new. Get out of the familiar circle. To risk. Scared for loved ones. For the cause. For his life, if he squeezes. And much more.

2. Life without change does not exist

Stability is illusory. The plateau state is absurd. We are constantly on the move. We are constantly changing externally and internally, these processes do not stop for a second. And there are even a lot of seconds as a measure of measurement. The processes are going on every moment. This is a multitude of seconds. Question: "To change or not to change?" a sane person cannot stand. Only: "Do I have anything to do with these changes and to what extent?"

3. Fast is slow, but without interruption

In the words of Japanese folklore.

No need to fast, intense, cool, very powerful. Just enough regularly. The most important thing is to keep the rhythm. Little by little, but with a stable consistency.

4. Create more than consume

Otherwise, everything. The hopeless life of the consumer, ornate intertwining into a meaningful conclusion: "Everything is good, but nothing good."

A person has to do something. Voluntarily and lovingly. This is the formula for his mental health. And as a bonus, curiously, this is the only way to enjoy consumption that will not destroy it.

5. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today

This phrase must be repeated like a mantra until it comes to the conclusion that your parents have nothing to do with your adult problems. Question: "Why?" in itself is not particularly valuable, but it draws energy to the fullest. Today you can change your actions without answers at all.

6. There are no guarantees

The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to pass all your decisions and plans.

7. The era of secret knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has arrived

Knowledge today is not the main currency in the matter of achievement and any meaningful existence. The Internet has devalued them with its accessibility. Concentration replaced. The ability to keep your attention on the task and not spill interest is who rules. And this skill is in direct proportion to the information noise that is everywhere today. The more verbal rubbish around, the weaker the focus. The more other people's thoughts, the quieter your own voice. Constant presence in the Internet stream atrophies the capacity for self-awareness, replacing the essence with concepts of what it is.

8. Joy and pleasure are not the same

It is not scary to deny yourself pleasure, it is scary not to know joy.

9. Suffering exists

10. Not everyone can be happy.

This is an amazingly simple thing. The belief in a miracle for a happy ending on the occasion of our own unsurpassed uniqueness is too strong in us. But can everyone run a 42-kilometer running marathon? In theory - yes, human resources are capable of this, but in practice - it is available only to a trained person. But an unprepared person is not capable of this.

11. Joy is balance of the mind

When day and night you dream of a big light love, a friendly family, an interesting profitable business, the opportunity to work for yourself and not for another, a life full of travels, it seems that you still have some idea of joy, at least about own. Yes, you are now largely not satisfied, yes, something can make you mad, yes, you are suffering. So this is understandable.

But you know what to strive for.

You know where your tangible enduring joy is, looking at your so alluring dreams.

12. Fruit is not acidic, but alkaline.

13. "My body knows what is best for it" - one of the most insidious traps of the mind

The body of an alcoholic wants to drink, the body of a smoker dreams of a cigarette, the body of a sweet tooth wants a chocolate. What "knows best" everyone is talking about? Just as the mind lives by automatic reactions, preventing a person from making elementary shifts in his life, so the body obeys habits and chaotic impulses of lust.

14. Nutrition affects not only our body, but also our mind

The most "free" foods are fresh vegetables and fruits, as well as plant foods and cereals, prepared in a simple way with a minimum of oil, seasonings and salt.

15. You need so much money not to think about it

16. We are all the same, much more than different.

17. Addiction can only be cured by 100% rejection.

18. The state of internal 100% readiness for change does not exist

19. Life is a book whose first chapters were not written by you.

Yes, and subsequent ones too, most often.

The essence of our personality was collected by other people, and conscious parental contribution (if any) is far from prevalent there.

According to some psychologists, what we consider ourselves and what we must be afraid of losing is just a mosaic from our environment to one degree or another. Nothing to lose. Sounds like great news. You can redraw everything in any direction.

20. The result is the number of attempts.

Not one well-aimed shot. And certainly not luck in the long run.

21. What helped you at one stage may turn out to be a brake on reaching the next

22. Behind the comfort zone is the discomfort zone

Not a box of chocolates.

23. Life without a purpose does not exist

As well as states without change. The only question is: do you set these goals yourself or leave them at the mercy of instincts (unconscious goals).

24. Laziness - does not exist

There are unloved activities, lack of energy and lack of large-scale vision to take your breath away from the opening perspectives. But there is no laziness.

25. It is impossible to find oneself, one can only create oneself

26. Alcohol is not needed

27. Unrealized potential hurts

And it is useless to hide from this fact in the chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts.

Every talent will be asked of us.

28. Banks should pay you, not you. This is the only possible financial health.

29. Two abilities that need to be mastered as early as possible: the ability to strain and the ability to relax

30. Two answers to learn as early as possible: "Yes" and "No".

31. Cool things differ from just good things in the ability to do them with inspiration.

32. Every sign you meet on the way always has at least 3 interpretations

The psychology of age

The crisis has been overcome for 30 years. It's time to take stock and consider new perspectives. They come in harmony with the desire for social recognition and a quiet family life. 32 is the age of self-acceptance.

There is an acceptance of their shortcomings, in connection with which a real view of their life and society develops.

Sometimes, after summing up the results of life, a slight melancholy comes, caused by an understanding of one's age, an understanding of past opportunities, future prospects and social expectations. Sometimes, instead of melancholy, depression may arise after understanding what opportunities were in adolescence, how many chances were missed, and how life could change.

Physiology of age

A person is considered fully formed and mature. The organs reduce functionality unevenly. From the age of 32, men experience a gradual decrease in hearing, he perceives high sounds worse. Decreased perception of green.

Women may notice a mesh of capillaries on the face or legs. Thus, age-related vascular changes occur. Women are exposed to it earlier than men.

Age statistics

The population of the Russian Federation in this age period (30-34 years) is one thousand people. 5175 thousand of them are men, 5267 thousand are women.

Of the population of this age group employed in the Russian economy, only 12.8%

Were you born in 1985 or 1986

1985 - May 16. The beginning of the anti-alcohol campaign in the USSR by decree of the Presidium of the Supreme Council "on strengthening the fight against drunkenness."

1986 - February 20. The first manned research orbital station Mir-1, launched by the USSR, began to operate. She worked until March 23, 2001, after which it was incapacitated and flooded in the Pacific Ocean.

1987 - May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old citizen of West Germany, has landed on Red Square in Moscow.

1989 - January 11. The declaration on the prohibition of the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries.

1990 - August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution on the introduction of a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began.

1991 - January 25. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an ecological disaster.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries, economic reform began, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls.

1994 - January 31. The first images were shown from the Hubble Space Telescope, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development.

1995 - March 20. In the Tokyo subway in Japan, nerve gas was used, the victims of which were 5 thousand people, 12 people died. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested.

1996 - July 4. B.N. Yeltsin becomes president of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time that the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep.

1998 - August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an exacerbation of the economic crisis. The country's government has resigned.

1999 - January 1. Most of the countries of the European Union have switched to settlements in the new European currency - the euro.

2000 - March 26. The election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. Official inauguration took place on May 7.

2001 - January 15. There was an official launch of the English site Wikipedia - a resource that today has become an assistant in the rapid acquisition of encyclopedic data in all areas of life.

2002 - January 1. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy.

2004 - Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power.

2006 - March 29. On the territory of Russia, the first total eclipse of the sun could be observed in the 21st.

2007 - Geneticists discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. It became possible, after DNA analysis, to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

2009 - August 17. There was a disaster at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the malfunction was a series of defects and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - March 18. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved Poincaré's conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $ 1 million, which he refused.

2011 - March 11. In Japan, off the northeast coast, there was an earthquake, which reached 8.9 in magnitude. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami occurred, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service by the PussyRiot group took place, three members of which were detained by the police.

2013 - February 15. In the Urals, a meteorite fell - the largest celestial body that collided with the Earth's surface after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the "Chelyabinsk" meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured.

2015 - January 7. A terrorist attack took place in the office of the satirical magazine "Charlie Hebdo" in Paris, based on a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed previously published in the magazine. 12 people were killed, 11 people were wounded.

Divorced man in 32 years .. is it normal.

Today we have been married for 14 years, my daughter is 7 years old! And 32 years is not an age at all, especially for large cities where people are busy with work and careers, but when they have more or less achieved something, then you can think about your family!

Such people do not need to marry! Because they are not used to supporting anyone, and taking care of anyone, well, what kind of husbands are they? Consider that you can hang a child on your neck, and even a capricious child whom you cannot bring up!

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CRISIS THIRTY YEARS

In the middle of the period of early adulthood (about thirty years), a person experiences a crisis state, a certain turning point in development associated with the fact that the ideas about life that developed between twenty and thirty years do not satisfy him. Analyzing the path traveled, his achievements and failures, a person discovers that with an already established and outwardly prosperous life, his personality is imperfect, that a lot of time and effort has been wasted, that he has done little in comparison with what he could have done, etc. In other words, there is a reassessment of values, a critical revision of one's “I”. A person discovers that he can no longer change a lot in his life, in himself: family, profession, habitual way of life. Having realized oneself at this stage of life, in the period of youth, a person suddenly realizes that, in essence, he is facing the same task - a search, self-determination in new circumstances of life, taking into account real possibilities (including limitations that he had not noticed before). This crisis manifests itself in a sense of the need to "do something" and indicates that a person is moving to a new age stage - the age of adulthood. "The Crisis of Thirty" is a conventional name. This state can occur earlier and later, the feeling of a crisis state can occur repeatedly throughout the life path (as in childhood, adolescence, adolescence), since the development process goes in a spiral, without stopping.

At this time, men are characterized by a job change or lifestyle change, but their focus on work and career does not change. The most common motive for voluntarily leaving work is dissatisfaction with something in the given job. At the same time, dissatisfaction with work is of primary importance: the production environment, work intensity, wages, etc. If dissatisfaction with work arises as a result of the desire to achieve a better result, then this only contributes to the improvement of the employee himself.

In women, during their 30s crisis, the priorities set in early early adulthood usually change (Craig, 2003, Levinson, 1990). Women focused on marriage and parenting are now increasingly attracted to professional goals. At the same time, those who gave their energies to work now tend to direct them into the bosom of family and marriage.

Experiencing a crisis of thirty years, a person is looking for an opportunity to strengthen his niche in adult life, to confirm his adult status: he wants to have a good job, he strives for security and stability. The person is still confident that the full embodiment of the hopes and aspirations that form the "dream" is possible, and works hard for this.

Research on gender differences in development has produced conflicting results. Some authors argue that the transition periods, both in women and in men, are closely related to age; others believe that for women, transition indicators are the stages of the family cycle (Craig, 2003).

G. Shikhi proposes "behavioral models" as a classification of possible options for solving development problems for women and men. Sheikhi, like some other authors (Levinson, 1986; Vitkin, 1996), especially notes the crisis at the age of 28–32, when the processes of reassessment of life values and goals, the search for a place in the society of adults, are finally resolved, conflicts of adolescence are acquired new responsibilities.

People differ from each other in behavior patterns depending on what choices they make at the age of twenty. Depending on different patterns of behavior, everyone develops their role in life in their own way, so it is important to assess future prospects. The behavioral models themselves are changing, becoming more diverse, reflecting the influence of the changing world. Sheehy believes that each model of behavior corresponds to a certain set of psychological problems associated with how effectively a person solves his developmental problems - a deep crisis and "getting stuck" in the previous stages or a more successful entry into adulthood (Shehi, 1999).

"Caring". They get married at the age of twenty or even earlier and at this time they are not going to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to solve the tasks facing a person at this age: gaining autonomy and independence, the formation of identity, an integral image of "I", combining various elements of the personality. A woman can tear herself away from her parents, from the parental family, but still cannot become independent and independent: the parental functions (economic and control) are taken over by the husband.

There are several possibilities for pathological identification with this developmental model. B. Fridan (Fridan, 1992) distinguishes the following: through the husband and his achievements, children, sex, hoarding.

When identifying through a husband, a woman is threatened with the loss of her own individuality. Status is acquired through the achievements of the husband and the possession of things that are symbols of this status. Another possibility of identification is to become a mother. The birth of a child gives meaning to existence, serves as a "proof" of the female essence. Therefore, many non-working women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. Then, when the children grow up and leave home, solving the problem of finding themselves and the meaning of life will be even more difficult. Sex can be a cure for boredom and mundane life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to establish herself through sex and not finding satisfaction in it, the housewife finds herself in a vicious circle. Often this leads to a search for pleasure on the side and withdrawal into the world of sexual dreams. American psychologists argue that housewives are more prone to cheating than working women.

Often, marriage is an attempt to test one's own identity with the help of another person. According to statistics, adolescent marriages are not as long as those who marry after twenty. E. Erickson sees in this fact a proof that it is impossible to achieve intimacy, striving for identity in this way (Kjell, Ziegler, 1997).

The crisis of thirty, when most women go through a situation of re-election, finds a woman with such a model of behavior completely unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, has no education, profession, her identity is uncertain, that is, the previous one has not been resolved. development task. The expectation of the opportunity to create satisfying relationships becomes more and more painful, mainly for internal reasons: due to the growing self-doubt, slowing down of overall development, it also burdens economic dependence. Finally, there is more and more emptiness in the area of achievement, as more and more attention is fixed on achievements over the years. She thinks that life has lost its meaning, anger develops (Horney, 1993).

The task of development (identity, independence) is complicated by family problems and lagging behind in the professional sphere from peers. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development is possible, the risk of neurotization increases.

"Or or". These women at twenty have to choose between love and children or work and education. There are two types of such women: some postpone thoughts of a career until a later date, but, unlike “caring” women, intend to make a career after some time; others seek to complete their vocational education first by postponing motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do a lot of internal work, which will help her in the future to accurately determine her priorities. In contrast to “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from adolescence to early adulthood, determined their life goals (family, work), and laid the foundation for their future career. The danger of this development model is that postponing the resolution of the crisis to a later date may lead to the loss of professional skills and increased competition from peers. The content of the crisis: suppression of that part of one's “I” that longs to gain professional recognition in the world, that is, to make a career. Subjective sensations: anxiety, vague fears (Shikhi, 1999); dissatisfaction with their role as a housewife, resistance from the husband, who often does not encourage the desire to work (Vitkin, 19966; Fridan, 1992).

Studies of a group of women who have chosen the second type of the “either - or” model (first - career, then - the role of wife and mother) are rather small. Usually such women are the firstborn in the family, mothers have no influence on them. Fathers maintain their daughters' self-esteem and become its main source. All of the respondents received higher education and, at the age of 25, decided to postpone motherhood and marriage. The typical content of a crisis is the sudden realization that they have little time left to have a child, the feeling of their loneliness. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and may "jump out" to marry (Vitkin, 19966). The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner; men are usually "afraid" of them. The search may drag on for an indefinite time, and the woman may not start a family. Among those who have not married, one can distinguish a group that chose new development tasks, and one that did not solve the crisis tasks.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, then get married and become a mother by the age of thirty. G. Sheikhi calls this option the most effective. The advantage of this model is that it allows you to plan events and the woman is more prepared for the transition to her thirties: “intimate relationships” have been created - a family, there are career achievements. More and more women are postponing motherhood late. According to American statistics, in the period from 1980 to 1988, the number of women who chose this development model doubled (Vitkin, 19966). The crisis in this case usually consists in the fact that the "biological clock" tells the woman that she may not have time to become a mother, she begins to put pressure on her husband, who may not be ready to become a father. The task of becoming a mother becomes the main one. Another problem can be that it is difficult for a woman to give birth to a child - the clock “struck” too late. Many find a way out by taking adopted children in caring for their nephews and nieces (Vitkin, 1996a). "Integrators". They try to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. The content of the crisis: a woman feels tired, depressed by tasks, guilty before her husband and children, she constantly has to sacrifice either her family or her career in order to do everything. According to some researchers (Levinson, 1990; Sheehy, 1999), a woman can combine both of these roles only by the age of thirty-five. Often women do not withstand such loads and, as a result, or for some time, until the children grow up, refuse to work, or refuse marriage or raising children. Others find a more positive way out: they redistribute household responsibilities with their husbands, work from home using modern means of communication, part-time, resort to the help of a nanny (Vitkin, 19966; Nekrasov, Vozilkin, 1993). Modern family models and progress in the views of society suggest many possible options for positive outcomes with such a model. The new structure of life is a temporarily unemployed or part-time father, a “Sunday” father, taking care of children on weekends and holidays, allowing a woman to become a mature person: to give her the opportunity to “love and work” (Freud, 1993). Such relationships in marriage unions can give a woman the opportunity to connect all aspects of her being.

Women Who Never Marry, including nannies, caregivers, and office wives. Some women in this group are heterosexual, others are lesbians, and still others are not sexually active (Morse, 1993; Sheehy, 1999). Some unmarried women become community workers, nannies-governesses, orphans and children with developmental delays. They channel their creativity into caring for children around the world. However, there are women who become "office wives", ready to exclude any other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

"Unstable". At the age of twenty, they choose inconstancy, travel through life, changing their place of residence, occupation and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen such a model of behavior prefers not to be determined in life: she does not have a permanent income, family, profession, often wanders and has, as a rule, an immature personality, is not ready to "love and work", has low self-esteem, lives today, without thinking about the future (Vit-kin, 19966). The content of the crisis: by the age of thirty, a woman gets tired of a "free life", she faces the problem of further self-determination, finding herself in the world of adults and acquiring a profession. In fact, it should solve the problems of both the youth and the thirty-year period. If the tasks associated with the previous period of development are not solved, they can complicate or overlap with the tasks of the following periods (Levinson, 1990). In extreme cases, development may be delayed to such an extent that a person is unable to enter the next period. He feels that he is crushed by new tasks, while he is struggling with old ones, mental illness may appear, a person will lose his way in life or will seek death. Often women in this category are at risk: they lead an asocial lifestyle, they are characterized by destructive behavior, alcohol and drug use. If the outcome is negative, these problems are exacerbated, the woman is "stuck" in the adolescent stage.

Male behavior patterns can be divided into three main groups (Vitkin, 1996a; Shikhi, 1999):

Unstable. They are unwilling or unable to outline firm internal guidelines at the age of twenty and continue the experiments of youth. These are people capable of only limited emotional experiences. They grab onto one thing or another, without bringing anything to the end. They do not have a clear idea of what profession attracts them. They do not strive for consistency - at least at the age of twenty.

For some people who follow this pattern of behavior, the continuation of the experiments of adolescence is positive - if it helps to form the basis for further choice. In general, people who start out with erratic behaviors in their thirties feel a strong desire to establish personal goals and attachments (although they do not necessarily get married). Some men by the middle of their lives remain in the period of the moratorium, still groping for ways to identify their personality and feeling an inner vague need to determine their goals.

Closed. This is the most common category. They peacefully, without crises and introspection, outline solid landmarks at the age of twenty. People who adhere to this pattern of behavior are reliable but easily repressed. In their search for early stability, they often do not seriously assess the value system that underlies their goals.

Prodigies. Take risks and gamble, often believing that once they reach the top, their self-doubt will disappear. The child prodigy usually succeeds early. His reaction to all other ideas about the development of an adult is remarkable. He will only believe in them if they let him go upstairs. Indeed, he overcomes difficult professional tests earlier than his peers, although he does not always reach the top or remains at the top, having reached it. He thinks only about business, and very early on, the line between work and personal life is blurred.

The content of the crisis: they are afraid to admit to themselves that they do not know everything. They are afraid to let someone get too close to them. They are afraid to stop and spend time fighting external difficulties that seem insurmountable to them. They are afraid that someone might laugh at them, influence them, exploit their weaknesses and limit them to the helplessness of a small child. In fact, they are afraid of their "inner watchdog" - the inner image of their parents and other significant adults from their childhood. Every male child prodigy in his memories of his youth finds a person who made him feel helpless and insecure.

The other four behaviors are complementary, as they are rare.

Old bachelors. Since too few men over the age of forty have never married, it is difficult to draw an accurate conclusion for such a small group.

Educators. They see the meaning of life in caring for the community (priests, missionary doctors), or they devote themselves to caring for the family, although this is usually done by wives.

Hidden children. They avoid the growing up process and remain attached to their mothers even as adults.

Integrators. Try to balance their ambition with a sincere commitment to the family, including sharing responsibilities in caring for children and conscientious work to combine material independence with morality and community benefit. This kind of internal struggle is natural for people in the transition to the age of thirty. Probably, one cannot achieve integration in life before the age of thirty-five. This behavior can only be chosen if you strongly desire it. The future integrator is often unable to cope with the opposing forces. At the moment when an ordinary man begins to look for new opportunities to expand his inner world, the integrator still needs to get rid of the old baggage. From early childhood, he was used to solving problems based on a mathematical model. It is adapted to life in an environment where facts are preferred over feelings, and competence is valued above human relationships, and it adapts well in a modern post-industrial society, in which you have to follow the rules, obey the system and stand firm on your feet, you need to be indifferent and rationalistic.

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Psychology of men after 40: married, divorced, single

Middle age is the most critical in the life of every person. This is especially true of the stronger sex. The psychology of a man at forty is at the peak of his emotional perception of the world as a whole and himself in this vast world. An unusual reaction to familiar objects appears, tastes change, relationships with other people go to another level. During this period, it is important to realize that this condition is temporary, and by the age of 45 everything will fall into place. Experienced psychologists recommend that you be patient, objectively assessing your capabilities in all areas of life. You should not panic, make hasty decisions, react sharply to events. It is recommended to be aware that this condition is akin to a disease. It will surely pass, and recovery will color life with new colors.

The psychology of a man at 40 has its own specific characteristics. The events taking place and the state of the organism require careful analysis. If you treat this age philosophically, listen to the advice of experienced psychologists and loved ones, you can live this period painlessly.

There is an opportunity not only to become an outside observer of your changes, but also to gain invaluable experience and gain obvious benefits. After all, this period is unusual in terms of its perception. In terms of physiology, a forty-year-old man is at the peak of the flowering of masculinity, intelligence and wisdom.

The main crisis occurs between the ages of 37 and 45. If there is a feeling that life is perceived differently, it is worth listening to good advice. They will help you get around sharp corners with the maximum benefit for yourself:

Implementation. Upon reaching 40 years of age, a man involuntarily sums up life results. If he has a successful job, a wonderful family and excellent health - there are no visible reasons for concern. But the peculiarities of the state of the psyche during this period provoke bouts of melancholy, apathy, and a sharp underestimation of one's position. The onset of male menopause causes the feeling that everything has not been done to the fullest. If your mood gets worse for no apparent reason, you need to fill your life with new discoveries. For starters, it's worth changing your lifestyle. In the mode of constant work and bustle, it is recommended to find time for a good rest. Traveling, new hobbies, watching your favorite films, reading books will be very useful. With increased excitability, you should consult a doctor. Perhaps you need to improve your health a little or just heal the nerves that are pretty worn out in a constant mode of accelerated life rhythm.
Implementation visibility. This behavior is more dangerous than the previous one. A man who makes the appearance of a successful person realizes that he is moving in the wrong direction. A good job does not bring complete satisfaction, and the family becomes boring and mundane. There is a sense of living a life that is the result of a wrong choice. This refers to an unloved profession or a grumpy wife. Lack of understanding on the part of others exacerbates an already difficult emotional state. In this case, it is recommended to find like-minded people. It is very good if the wife turns out to be such an understanding person. Children, other relatives, work colleagues, friends, etc. can come to the rescue. If everyone refuses to see the problem and assures that everything is fine, there is a reason to think. The reason lies in the man himself. You need to understand that this is a natural state, and in no case should you change anything drastically. It makes sense to diversify your life as much as possible with additional emotions in terms of leisure, hobbies, etc. You should not isolate yourself and move away from loved ones. You can just be alone for a while. If the heaviness on the heart or prolonged depression persists, it is recommended to consult a specialist.
Uncertainty. This condition is characteristic of men who, by the age of forty, came up in a state of uncertainty about work, family, hobbies, etc. These include divorced or previously in relationships, former athletes who have lost their jobs and are unable to communicate with children. This category is very numerous, and each situation is unique in its own way. The coincidence of the crisis age with the crisis life period can be catastrophic. It is very difficult for a person to cope with such circumstances on their own. In this case, the best recommendation would be to find like-minded people. If you have a family, but you have lost your job or other employment, you can work together to solve this problem. If a loved one is absent, it is imperative to strive to find a partner. Do not be afraid of new relationships, disappointed in the previous ones. A new meeting will become a stage in a new life that will absorb the entire duration of a difficult period. Getting used to a person and building relationships will distract from sad thoughts and add confidence. When it comes to past achievements in sports or business, it is worth understanding that 40 years for a man are sometimes just the start for a successful life. Re-qualification for another job or the opportunity to share experience can bring even greater dividends.
Deprivation. The lack of generally accepted happiness by the age of forty plunges a man into prolonged severe depression. If, for some reason, life before this age did not work out, do not give up. In the modern world, such situations occur quite often, and this is not a verdict. In this case, it is recommended to try starting over. It can be looking for your soul mate, mastering a new profession or additional skills, making friends. All this is possible because age allows you to become happy and successful. The main condition will be the rejection of alcohol or drugs. If there is such a problem, it is necessary to fight it. Most often, it is she who becomes the cause of disorder and deprivation. And her presence in the future at the root kills the opportunity to start living anew. Therefore, you should never despair, and it is never too late to live happily.

If by the age of forty there is no apparent cause for concern, there is no point in panicking and trying to rebuild everything. Having destroyed the old life, which now seems so insipid and dull, you can lose the most important thing. In pursuit of novelty, a man makes a lot of mistakes, for which he will have to pay the price of personal happiness. Experienced experts recommend to objectively assess the situation and simply add bright colors to life, without fundamentally changing anything.

The psychology of men 40 years old is very dependent on what status a person is in. Overcoming the crisis period largely depends on the fair sex. The relationship between a man and a woman develops at this time in a special way. Therefore, ladies should pay special attention to the situation and choose the right tactics of behavior. The relationship between a husband and wife, with a divorced man or a bachelor requires separate consideration.

Sensitivity and attentiveness on the part of a woman and an objective assessment of the situation on the part of a man will help build the right relationship. A difficult period will not bring negative consequences, but will add new colors to life.

The specificity of forty years old consists in a change in the psychological perception of oneself as a person. The man has not yet grown old, but the prerequisites are already there.

The feelings and opportunities that one could be proud of at the age of 20 are gradually disappearing. Fear of the unknown forces the stronger sex to act proactively, committing rash acts.

In the period of the fortieth anniversary, the intensity of sexual life decreases markedly. This is due to the natural physiological capabilities of the body. Each age has its own frequency and duration of sexual intercourse, and there is nothing wrong with that. With age, hearing, vision, reaction speed, etc. weakens slightly. But it is sexuality that makes men fall into deep despondency. Fear in a certain period of not satisfying a partner pushes a man to rash acts. Since the wife is a witness of a young period of life (and other opportunities), men try to find a companion on the side. She will not be able to compare past and present indicators, and the situation will look like the beginning of a new path. A man tries to arm himself with special literature, to master new directions in sex, to artificially increase his potency. This misbehavior can lead to poor health and moral disappointment.

The increased sexual activity of a forty-year-old man provokes the occurrence of heart attacks, strokes and other serious illnesses. The admiration of the new partner will be replaced by disappointment (an aging body cannot constantly work to wear and tear), and for a representative of the stronger sex it will be a real blow. This situation can kill a person morally and physically.

A real life partner knows exactly what her partner wants from a woman. Love and attention over the years will allow her to find the kindest words of support for her man. No reproaches, an attentive attitude, demonstration and vocalization of your feelings will serve a useful service. A man will be calm that he is appreciated and understood, he has a reliable rear and a faithful girlfriend. During this period, you can change the situation for a while by going on vacation. Some couples are helped by watching erotic films together, reading literature, visiting museums and performances. It is recommended to create a romantic setting in the bedroom with appropriate entourage. A change in the wife's image, her alluring underwear, her favorite melody can do a real miracle. If at some moments something does not work out, you should not focus on this. In a few years at most, the situation will return to normal, and everything will fall into place.

Even if a man has left the family for a while, you should not get divorced right away. This means that his wife could not recognize his condition in time, and he went to seek understanding on the side. It is undesirable to break strong family ties overnight. If there is love and desire to keep the family together, you need to wait. According to statistics, men return after 1-2 years, after which they become wonderful family men.

Hormonal changes in the male body provoke a radical change in behavior. He is terribly tired, the monotony frightens him, he wants nothing, is not interested in anything. He suddenly stopped liking his favorite dishes, he absolutely ceases to take care of himself, because he does not care how he looks. The wife's behavior becomes annoying as the demands are repeated from day to day. A string of responsibilities and a lack of personal space leads to the fact that a man decides to leave the family. He's not running because he sees the prospect of a better life with another woman, he's just very tired and needs to rest.

In this situation, artificial separation can be recommended. This is very convenient if you have an additional apartment or close relatives. A woman should not take such a desire as a separation for life. The best solution would be to offer a similar scheme first. If the husband agrees to her, you should not control his every step. Constant calls and unexpected visits can lead to backlash. The man will try to get rid of the obsessive bonds and file for divorce himself. A reasonable manifestation of concern would be rare calls, common topics of conversation to discuss interesting news to him. Each time you need to talk to your husband about your love and desire to reunite after his vacation. If you do everything right, keeping the necessary pauses, the partner will return himself, loving and bored.

If the husband has nowhere to go, or he does not agree to do it, you need to understand that he still needs rest. To solve this problem, it is necessary to provide the beloved man with the conditions for personal space. This can be a separate room, a summer residence, fishing, etc. If you want to retire, you should not delay, insist on your presence or overly patronize. Sometimes one day or several hours is enough for a person to calmly return to their old life with renewed vigor.

Untidiness in clothes or whims in food should not be taken with hostility. Tidying up his clothes, preparing a delicious dish to order is the best solution to the problem. Constant reproaches, let alone insults, are categorically unacceptable. A loving woman will always take on some of the problems during this difficult period in order to keep a happy family.

There are times when a calm, confident man begins to behave like a child. He is actively involved in sports, finds unusual entertainment for himself, seeks to leave, etc. This suggests that a person is trying to catch up with the outgoing youth and is afraid of losing his position of moral and physical properties. This is a very difficult moment, since a forty-year-old man overestimates his strength and gives the body an increased load. This behavior can provoke a number of serious illnesses of a different nature. Even travel to distant countries is not suitable for everyone, since they differ in a specific climate. Increased loads during training provoke the onset of heart attack, stroke and blood clots.

Keeping a man by force and criticizing him for an increased interest in his appearance is by no means worth it. It is necessary to find the right words to correctly explain the degree of risk of this behavior. You should not refer to age ("at your age, it is harmful ..."), you need to very correctly tell about the danger of a sharp load on an unprepared body. You can refer to the risks that accompany a radical change in lifestyle. It is very good if the wife accompanies the husband in his new ideas, the feeling of understanding and interest will help partners to get closer.

The psychological state of a forty-year-old man suggests changes in at least one aspect of his life. It could be his appearance and a change of wardrobe. Old clothes are changed to new ones, and they are radically different in style. This applies to both hairstyle and demeanor. A man begins to be interested in those areas that have not yet attracted his attention or have been severely criticized.

In this case, the woman should be especially careful. This behavior is a sign that her husband's tastes have changed dramatically. Do not criticize or ridicule him. You need to take a closer look at what he pays special attention to, and try to change your wardrobe and style. As the husband enters a new level of development, you need to correspond to him. If the wife ignores this advice, she may lose a loved one. Recently renewed and self-confident, a man tends to overestimate his attractiveness. A wife in old clothes and a familiar image is of no interest to him, and he begins to look around. A successful man who keeps up with the times always enjoys success with women, so his chances are quite high.

There are some excesses in changing the image of a forty-year-old man. Trying to rejuvenate results in a ridiculous adult male who behaves and looks like a teenage boy. This behavior of the husband requires great tact and understanding of the wife's situation. It is necessary to take the initiative and help in choosing clothes. But this must be done very correctly and tactfully, since even a slight remark can provoke an outbreak of anger and aggression. It is very good if the children are the mother's allies in this matter. Understanding the difficult period in the father's life will help everyone cope with this situation together, and the family will remain strong and happy.

Very often during this period, another woman appears in a man. This suggests that the wife missed the moment when she stopped arranging him. All of the above signs may indicate the presence of a mistress. A man during this period is not inclined to think and reflect. The thirst for change takes possession of him so much that he plunges into a new relationship with the wording: "Whatever happens." It is not possible to stop him by force. The kindest advice a woman can give is to be patient and hide her emotions. Quarrels, scandals and a showdown will only speed up the husband's departure from the family. If you behave with understanding, dispense with reproaches and offer your help, the man simply will not have enough strength to offend his wife. Even if this is the end of the relationship, then you can count on further help and friendship from your spouse.

The search for a rival, revenge and a rude showdown look humiliating. At this stage, a man perceives her as the only lover in his life. At best, the wife is assigned the role of a caring friend, and this status must be matched. If this works out, there is a chance (and quite large) that the man will come back. If an aggressive atmosphere of separation reigns in the house, the person will never return to the place where he felt bad.

A 40-year-old divorced man is a difficult representative of the stronger sex. His psychology is sometimes impossible to decipher throughout his life. The period of forty years is critical even for a man who has been married for many years and has maintained a warm relationship. The divorced person has suffered at least one major breakup, which is stressful. This shaped his further behavior, focused on avoiding past life mistakes.

Psychologists distinguish two types of men, one of whom needs a serious relationship with obligations, and the other categorically does not accept them.

This category of men strives to create a strong family, despite the experience of past unsuccessful relationships. This happens if the spouses separated by mutual agreement, and this event did not leave severe wounds on the heart. Perhaps it was a youthful marriage or a mutually beneficial position of both partners. After parting, they can meet about raising common children or just have friendships. A man, having reached the age of forty, seeks to create a family in which there will be mutual understanding and peace.

In such a situation, everything depends only on the woman. You need to choose a tactic of behavior that does not remind the man of the reasons for the previous breakup. Its peculiarity is its critical age. Perhaps the person is not doing well with his job or business, and he needs the moral support of his wife. Sometimes a man who is successful and happy in all other aspects of life is looking for only a wife. This is the only thing that he lacks for complete happiness.

A woman should carefully consider this relationship. If everything goes right, their development will not be long in coming. A man seeking to create a family can stay right away or offer a woman a life together. If this lasts more than six months, there is cause for concern. Perhaps something disappointed him, and plans for the marriage changed.

This category of representatives of the stronger sex assumes a comfortable free relationship without specific obligations. The previous experience was quite negative. His wife did not justify his hopes for a happy family with her behavior, and he left. Or he suffered a difficult separation associated with the betrayal of his wife. Being at a critical age, especially if a career is not working out, a person is not ready to take risks again. Additional experiences and obligations scare him, or he just loves his ex-wife and is waiting for her return.

A woman is recommended to carefully find out information about the future plans of her chosen one. You should not deceive yourself, but as objectively as possible assess your capabilities and the potential of a man. If he has a principled position to remain free, there is no need to create illusions. It makes sense to consider other candidates.

If a man was not in a relationship before the age of 40, then there is a good reason for that. Perhaps he was just unlucky, and the wrong women met along the way. There are times when a guy has such a nasty character that he simply cannot get along with anyone. By this period of his life, he had developed certain views on women, his own stereotypes based on experience. The habit of living alone, when no one bothers, also affects.

The situation can develop in such a way that a person will meet his only one, which he has been looking for for so long. There are a lot of experiences of such marriages, confirmation of this is the statistics of happy couples with a partner of forty years.

If a man makes increased demands, lives only for his own pleasure and does not consider his partner's point of view, it is necessary to draw appropriate conclusions and not waste time. Perhaps he does not need a family, since he has not reached the psychological fortieth birthday and himself needs help and care.

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To keep up with everything, and so that there is still time even for idleness - the recipe is simple: to occupy your life as much as possible with a variety of deeds and responsibilities! And then, in a strange way, there is time for everything! Mathematics and formal logic don't help.

Roman Yakupov in this article shares his male intermediate conclusions, which he made by his 32 years.

Conclusions of a man by the age of 32

1. There is no universal truth for all, like physical laws. Those spiritual positions, any regularity and reality, functioning in my life, do not work for other people. Someone is clinically lucky in all endeavors, someone is not, someone is surrounded by the world of general prosperity, and someone is annoyed by stress ... logic, no meaning, no law, but only one accident. All that remains is to accept, accept what is available, and adapt to current conditions.

2. The most loyal people in our life are dad and mom! Not a best friend, not a beloved colleague, not a partner, not a mentor, not even a wife. Under any circumstances, no one will love us as unconditionally as our parents.

3. The best book in the Bible is Ecclesiastes! Even my friends who are staunch atheists recognize the usefulness of this section.

4. Any plans and "khotenki" can be postponed for later, but not your own physical health! This is the most valuable and priority, where you cannot save!

5. Time never heals! New conditions, circumstances, new people and a change of environment are being treated. But not the time!

6. We do not fall in love with people, but with ourselves! More precisely, into the feeling that a given subject provokes in us.

7. Only by the age of 32 was the knowledge that in another person, of all the negative qualities, we first notice exactly those, the excess of which is in ourselves!

8. Everyone is good in their place. An ingenious doctor or a smart carpenter or a talented promoter. Comparing them to each other is like sour and square. Or Mozart with Mendeleev. But I don’t know how to find my “destiny given by Heaven”! I'm still not sure if I'm doing what I want or if I'm doing it because it works.

9. Relatively recently, I finally became convinced that you never need to waste time on people who do not care about us! This is difficult, especially if we are interested in them. We must learn to choose only those who choose us. A useful skill.

10. As practice shows, it is better not to share your personal life on the Internet! Neither love, nor family, nor travel, nor a variety of funny show-offs, nothing ... (by the way, this is a rule that I relatively cope with).

11. The line between the “mentally ill” and the healthy is extremely illusory!

12. Humanity has exaggerated its own individuality too much. All over the world, probably 1.5 people have a truly independent opinion. The rest - all as one! We are not what we ourselves have suggested to ourselves, but what others have suggested to us about us.

13. How do I understand that I have already matured? When I wanted to buy not a stylish jacket, but a comfortable one.

14. Atheism is the same religion as the rest! At least atheists in the absence of God believe more strongly than religious people in His presence.

15. Traditional and classical medicine are equally useful and useless.

16. The attitude of a 32-year-old man towards women is qualitatively different from that of a 20-year-old. The slenderness and attractiveness of girls are no longer sufficient conditions for a man to be attracted to them.

17. It is impossible to offend a person! He decides to be offended by him or not. A person is capable of anything, and of what we least expect from him! There is no need to be offended by people for not living up to our hopes. It is our own fault that we expected more from them than we should have. In most cases, people are hurt by what is not happening - they are hurt by their own expectations. If we are ready to betray any of "our" people, especially those whom we trust most, life becomes easier and more serene.

18. Happiness is rather a gift from God, and not an achievement that a person achieves with his inner fruitfulness. How did I become happy? I do not know. Just at some point I realized that it "fell" on me by itself. I didn't bother achieving it.

19. According to my observations, everything is important for a person, except for his own life and the very "art" of living. He exists for anything, but not for himself.

20. Oddly enough, but the condition for the ability to love is the ability to be alone. Be able to negotiate with yourself first.

21. At 32, the fact becomes obvious that nothing in the world gives rise to so many interpretations as nonsense and complete nonsense. And at 32 a man is looking for meaning where there is none, no less than at 18. Only the tools are now different.

22. The world around us is not linear, it does not care about our time. We humans invented it. The older you become, the more you feel your insignificance on a planetary scale.

23. One of the main signs of good education is to be able to speak about the deepest in the simplest words. It is subtly noted that the teacher is not the one who teaches, but the one from whom they learn. In adulthood, you notice that only the wisest and the most stupid do not lend themselves to learning.

24. I would introduce the XI commandment! Do not teach or instruct. If you are three times right, you will never prove anything to anyone. The only sure way to convince you that you are “right” is your own example. Silently, without proving anything to anyone.

25. In adolescence you are in a hurry to grow up! But as you mature, you feel the double curse of modern life: it ages us quickly, and at the same time makes us live longer. And all from the delusion that the world owes us something! It was always there before my birth, and it will exist even longer! He doesn't owe us anything.

26. Looking at some male peers (although this also applies to women), you understand that the “default” of the soul is worse than any financial crisis.
"It would be better to drink and smoke" (c)
The difference is that if at 20 I condemned such people, then at 32 I understand.

27. If today I tried to describe the modern world, I would say that the most sincere suffer from the strongest, who are manipulated by the most influential according to the instructions of the most intelligent. Life is not fair! If we proceed from this, then in any undertaking you are never surprised at anything. Practical - no stress.

28. The moment you notice how the values, views, “individuality” of people are formed by the environment, you understand that it is much more difficult to manipulate them.

29. To keep up with everything, and so that there is still time even for idleness - the recipe is simple: to occupy your life as much as possible with a variety of deeds and duties! And then, in a strange way, there is time for everything! Mathematics and formal logic don't help.

30. What hasn't changed in me in 15 years is that just as I was an anti-globalist in high school, so I stayed with it. In this, the question did not step back a step. Therefore, not everything is transformed in our life. Something remains in us forever.

31. Sport is the best investment in yourself! But not professional. Send to item 4.

32. And the last thing! No sadness and panic about my age. No feeling that “the whole life is ahead” (as they often tell me). I live now, and I enjoy it now! It was great at 18, at 25, and in the current 32, everything is fine too! Hopefully at 40+ this trend will continue. In the end, age is not a criterion to look at if, on the whole, I'm happy with myself.

Roman Yakupov

If you have any questions, ask them

1. Scary for everyone

Everyone is scared.

Start new. Get out of the familiar circle. To risk. Do something that you are not used to yet. Scared for loved ones. For the cause. For his life, if he squeezes. And much more.

2. Life without change does not exist

3. Fast is slow, but without interruption

In the words of Japanese folklore.

4. Create more than consume

Otherwise, everything. The hopeless life of the consumer is ornate intertwining into a meaningful conclusion: "Everything is good, but nothing good."

5. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today

This phrase must be repeated like a mantra until it comes to the conclusion that your parents have nothing to do with your adult problems. In any case, they are not to blame that there is no one to change the plate in your head, which has been stuck since childhood - they are not included there anyway.

6. There are no guarantees

The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to pass all your decisions and plans.

7. The era of secret knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has arrived

8. Joy and pleasure are not the same

It is not scary to deny yourself pleasure, it is scary not to know joy.

9. Suffering exists

10. Not everyone can be happy.

Of course, the untrained can be trained. But the chain is lengthening and it is important to see it. Right now, an unprepared person is not capable of this.

Can everyone be happy? Yes of course! But that's in theory. In practice, only those who have access to the discipline of the mind can be consistently happy, that is, calm, balanced, blissful, if you like. Whose mind is able (trained) not to twitch on all the numerous reasons that surround it. Who can remain in the balance of joy not only in calm, but also in a burst of unpleasant situations. Otherwise, all the endless reasons from scratching your car will throw you into pain, irritation and anxiety. And this is just some kind of machine, but there are also more serious situations. This is samsara, baby. Such a hunted mind that reacts to any incident can be called happy only in the status of Instagram.

11. Joy is balance of the mind

12. Fruit is not acidic, but alkaline.

13. "My body knows what is best for it" - one of the most insidious traps of the mind

14. Nutrition affects not only our body, but also our mind

15. You need so much money not to think about it

16. We are all the same, much more than different.

17. Addiction can only be cured by 100% rejection.

18. The state of internal 100% readiness for change does not exist

19. Life is a book whose first chapters were not written by you.

Yes, and subsequent ones too, most often.

We consist of beliefs and models of the world around us, and this world is not an abstract planet Earth, but a very specific entrance, office, house - a place where we spend time. These are friends, colleagues, parents, and shop assistants that you come across every night. This is a feed on social networks and the so-called Facebook friends. We absorb views, positions, points of view simply automatically, we breathe them in with air and become the same or vice versa, opposite, which is also an automatic moment of denial. In childhood, this process is completely uncontrollable. The essence of our personality was collected by other people, and conscious parental contribution (if any) is far from prevalent there. According to some psychologists, what we consider ourselves and what we must be afraid of losing is just a mosaic from our environment to one degree or another. Nothing to lose. Great news in my opinion. You can redraw everything in any direction.

20. The result is the number of attempts.

Not one well-aimed shot. And certainly not luck in the long run.

21. What helped you at one stage may turn out to be a brake on reaching the next

22. Behind the comfort zone is the discomfort zone

Not a box of chocolates.

23. Life without a purpose does not exist

As well as states without change. The only question is: do you set these goals yourself or leave them at the mercy of instincts (unconscious goals).

24. Laziness - does not exist

There are unloved activities, lack of energy and lack of large-scale vision to take your breath away from the opening perspectives. But there is no laziness.

25. It is impossible to find oneself, one can only create oneself

26. Alcohol is not needed

27. Unrealized potential hurts

And it is useless to hide from this fact in the chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts, the same stories about femininity, motherhood, and so on.