Why do men stop respecting their wives. If the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, how to behave - the advice of a psychologist. Video. How to restore your husband's respect

Psychologists are increasingly talking about feminine energy and the role of a woman in a couple, but the idea of ​​a woman's role in a family is still limited to images of a kind mistress.

If the husband does not respect his wife, then in fact, first of all, it is important to learn to respect his beloved!

• What really is feminine energy, and what is masculine energy?
• What is the role of women and what is the role of men?

It is important for you to realize that these are different roles, and you need to learn how to support them in your family. How can this be achieved? Of course, respecting each other! If you feel like there is little respect in your couple, start showing it first - and you will soon see favorable changes!

The weakness of a strong woman

Many articles teach women to be "feminine" - weak, airy, singing and dancing, wearing dresses and skirts, preferring home to work ...

But what if you are not ready to part with a successful career? Or are they not ready to change their behavior so drastically? Start by respecting your partner!

Perhaps you are by nature a strong enough woman, you have a lot of masculine energy, and you are capable of running a business or running a large organization.

• Even so, it is important, when you come home, to become just a wife!

Wife, girlfriend, lover, support. It is important to demonstrate this and feel that you are happy with your marital status, happy with your partner, happy with your children.

It is with pleasure to do any business that is related to the female role, to show respect for the house and the man. Before doing anything, ask yourself if what you are doing, saying, or thinking is respecting your partner.

We can show respect not only when we do something ourselves or do something for us, but also cultivate inner respect for our partner.

How can you show your respect for your partner?

Here are just a few ways to show it:

• Take his point of view, especially in decisions that are important to you.
• To do as he decided... Especially if it seems to you that the responsibility in your relationship often lies with you. Men often don't take responsibility just because you do it your way anyway.
• Hear his desires... It is extremely important for a man to be listened to and heard - this is one of the most powerful ways to show your love for him!
• Respect interests... Every time you speak unflatteringly about your husband's hobbies, work, or friends, your partner perceives it as rejection of him. And he wants to be with you less and less.
• Praise him... Celebrate any action around the house or in a relationship with a kind word, and you will notice how much more your partner will become involved in your joint affairs and help you.
• Asking more often what he wants... Perhaps you think that everything in your relationship is decided by you, and you complain about your husband's indifference. This can happen if you have ignored his suggestions several times in the past. In this case, the partner may decide that you are completely indifferent to his ideas and desires.
• Appreciate and thank him, finally. Remember that gratitude is a unique feeling, when you thank someone, you yourself are filled with this feeling.

Remember that it is important to do this 100%, sincerely agree or thank, and not dismiss your husband, or do it just mechanically.

It is important to initially tell yourself internally that you will look at your partner from a position of respect.

The role of women in the family

The role of a woman in a family is to inspire, give tenderness, accept and love. It would be nice if you decided for yourself at what moment and what is important to take.

Maybe her husband's bad mood, or some of his habit, or maybe something else. Something very specific.

Being a loving wife is extremely important in specific moments! We can be loving in general, but if a conflict situation arises, for some reason we forget about it.

It is important for family relationships to determine exactly when to act mindfully. Understand how you want to express yourself in these critical moments.

It is the woman who creates the space of love, comfort, care, affection and support, creates an atmosphere of emotional warmth and well-being.

Feminine energy

The energy of a woman really should be such that emotional warmth and well-being is created.

Just as parents should give messages to children that everything is in order, so the wife should, by her external and internal state, give messages to her husband that everything is in order, everything is good.

You need to be happy with what you have: inspire, appreciate, respect your husband. In addition, you need to create a cozy atmosphere in the house, cook deliciously, be soft and tender.

In those situations where your love, support, gentleness, emotional warmth, tenderness, your inspiration are required, it would be good if you cast your inner gaze on what is happening in your family.

We noted for ourselves at what moments it is important to show support, love and respect for your partner.

The new value system in the system of relationships is based on respect and an informal approach, on a common dream, on goals that you can achieve together, and on maintaining your female role in the family.

You can start creating and writing down your value system.

And the most important advice

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Tomorrow we have a wedding anniversary, and today I realized that my husband does not respect me, I became a laughing stock among friends, and it upset me, I don’t know what to do, I walk in the morning without a mood, I don’t want to see anyone, I begged to forgive him, you fool ...

Indeed, a very strange article !!! Only a woman should do everything ... But family relationships are built on "mutual understanding" and "mutual respect"! And it's unrealistic to be kind, affectionate and fluffy all day long !!!

And mine is even more fun. My husband has not worked for 2.5 years, does nothing at home. Wrinkles his face and says that he is bored.

I agree, there should be a man next to you who takes into account your interests, not everyone rides on the necks of their wives, but only those whom we have taught ourselves! You need to look for a man by yourself, so that your soul feels and there is no laziness!

Finishes off this constant: "she should ... a woman should ... need to be like that and not like that." Only one question: "What should men do? What should they be for a woman?" Women just want to be and feel loved and desired ... that's all.

DO NOT SPEND YOUR LIFE ON SUCH MEN !!! LEAVE TO WORTHY !!

Nadezhda Yaya

All the years she respected and supported in many ways. Recently, I began to break off at my husband, sometimes at children, and only in his presence ... so I don't break at children and bring up in peace (even when they mow down a lot, I explain what's what calmly). But the last couple of months When my husband is at home, I seem to break off the chain. I'm trying to get through to him, which is hard for me too. The fact that children also need his upbringing and care for them. Children and life on me. Terribly insulting. When he lived with his mother-in-law, he did housework. When we moved out for a month, I simply persuaded and asked for something to help, at least a man’s work. After that I just gave up and started doing everything myself (when I lived with my mother, my father was not there, I learned everything myself). Living with my husband I don’t feel any changes, only the hassle has increased / two children. He explains all his laziness with work. Although you look at other husbands of your acquaintances and it becomes insulting ... why their husbands help them while working from morning to evening. And mine only denies ... even with children no help. Immediately I remember the phrase "I am a woman and a man" ... how to teach my husband to respect himself, if everything I have done is considered the norm ... who do not feel the difference in his absence and presence ??.

My husband is an egoist, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and divorce. She does not appreciate any attention, she does not communicate, all my attempts to conduct conversations are cut off, my favorite phrases “what” “what do you need” “leave me alone, back off” “leave me alone”. Dying until the floor 12. The child is a year old and the son is naturally on me. He does not appreciate it and does not notice. Considers me hysterical. And the fact that my tears and raised tone is a consequence of his attitude and command, he does not recognize.

And I live with a foreigner. There is also a difference in mentality. The same question, girls, how can you respect, give tenderness, inspire, if a man himself does not accept it or does not take into account my opinion? I give him all the strength, love, respect, affection and tenderness, I try as best I can. I heard somewhere that if the husband heard his wife's advice, he would be successful;). And we have problems at work, I provide myself. It hurts my heart, I don’t know what else to think of for creation, mutual respect, so that the family does not fall apart ... and I’m not talking about sex at all, I’m happy immeasurably if I pray once a week.

I thought I was the only one suffering from self-respect!

Men have changed now. This is the fault of the parents who indulge their sons in everything. They grow up selfish, not adapted to life. So it turns out that when they get married, they see in the wife, first of all, a mother, who must wash, clean, run around the shops, raise children and still work to provide for them. I have a similar story, my husband has not worked for more than a year sitting on my neck, sitting for days at the TV or at the computer. I try to communicate with him, one answer: "I have depression." And what is the way out?

Good time of day, I came across this, I also thought, maybe I'm already going crazy alone, I don't want to complain, but the same situation, my husband is arrogant, he loves himself and only his relatives, in public it is even noticeable how he communicates with me and as with others, I just try to close my eyes to it, “This” turns to me, do it like this, and so - I swallow that tell me it will still stubbornly argue that I’m wrong, I also want elementary compliments or affection when I’m walking with children we have two of them we telepath from behind he is always in front, I can’t catch up with him, I also keep silent, I always have order at home, I cook, I even teach what my mother didn’t teach me, unfortunately I’m alone, from my relatives I only have my mother’s sister and brother they live far away, my mother died 5 years ago, now I really need understanding, really self-esteem is zero, my husband is hooked specifically, well, I just can't bring him to mutual respect, he says compliments like, you cut your hair short doesn't suit you, or wear something else not n dressed about the topic, here's something like this, please write someone who can tell the council. Thanks.

And all my life like this? I don’t even know I’m tired of being so white and fluffy, there are men who don’t appreciate it anyway.

I gave in to him many times and this led to the fact that he raised his hand against me and was even proud of it. We have two children, he does not drink, does not smoke, an intelligent, purposeful person. I love him, but he is selfish. What should I do?

One adult woman told me that if your husband is not satisfied, find another, and so on until you find what you need (this is her experience). The type of person cannot be corrected, everything in him is already formed! Look for the right one! And do not tolerate your nerves and children !!!

The family union of any marriage begins with feelings called love. At the same time, not all partners remember that respect becomes a strong foundation of the family hearth. After all, feelings will change their strength of manifestation, go through global transformations, and respect will remain an unshakable basis for maintaining love.

A frequent complaint of the female half of the audience to their companions is the question of what to do if the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, how to behave, what advice from a psychologist? Is such an assumption true for each stated phrase: "he does not respect me"? It’s worth lifting the curtain and seeing what the disrespect's scenery hides.

A man usually loves women whom he respects; a woman usually only respects the men she loves.
Therefore, a man often loves women who are not worth loving, and a woman often respects men who are not worth respecting.
Vasily Osipovich Klyuchevsky

A false sense of disrespect

Respect is accepting the personality traits, character traits, values, opinions and actions of another person as meaningful and important. Only in this case is it permissible to assert that the partner values ​​his other half.

The origins of women's disappointment in men are in their own unjustified expectations. Both partners expect specific behavior that will be consonant with personal ideas about living together.

It is good when these ideas are adequate and do not border on fantasy. When expectations are unrealistic, the problem is rooted in the girl's exaggerated claims, rather than in the disrespectful attitude of the “offender”.

I want to feel special, but my husband does not respect or appreciate ...

False women's expectations lead to a subjective sense of disrespect, including:

• Utopian expectations of a fairy tale and an obsession with romance.
  A man will not carry in his arms, serve breakfast in bed and cover the bed with rose petals. Not all male souls are so sensual, moreover, the period of falling in love passes, and the production of endorphins and oxytocin ("love hormones") decreases.
• Expectation of constant spending time together.
  Male nature is laid down that the spouse is a predator and a getter for his own. Assimilation to an obedient pet is contrary to natural instincts.
• Expectation of eloquent praise and compliments.
  On the contrary, they are "silent" because they are guided by the prevailing left hemisphere, therefore they analyze and reflect more than they speak.
• Expectation of the prevalence of affection and tenderness over sexual interests.
  Male sexuality is more intolerant due to physiological characteristics and basic need for sex.
• Expectation of attentiveness to personal family dates, trifles and details.
  Here it is a matter of the peculiarities of the functioning of higher nervous activity. Guys think concretely, practically, globally. If the birthday of your beloved, it is important in which month, and the number itself will approach.
• Expectation of the division of responsibilities for raising children equally.
  It seemed like a natural wish. But the father is focused on the financial and practical side of providing comfortable housing, decent education, leisure, recreation and other benefits.

In the event that such a list is a pocket notebook of claims “for every day”, the wife needs to reconsider her level of claims and make it realistic.

Reasons for a husband's true disrespect for his wife

True manifestations, when it can be said with certainty that husband does not respect or appreciate his wife, are considered:

1. Authoritarian behavior.
2. Criticism, constant monitoring.
3. Not accepting the needs and desires of the wife.
4. Lack of interest in the problems and life of the spouse in general.
5. Lack of assistance, denial of the right to rest and free leisure.
6. Infringement of material and financial resources.
7. Insults, rude communication and the use of psychological, physical or sexual violence.
8. Sexual betrayal ().

In such manifestations, the husband really does not respect and does not value his wife, the origins of such deformations of family values ​​are ambiguous.

Reasons for a husband's disrespect for his wife:

1. A revised model of behavior from the parental family.
2. Imitating family communication style with someone who is an authority for him.
3. Childhood psychological trauma.
4. Pronounced character accentuations (negative personality traits that are on the verge of norm and pathology), egocentrism.
5. Devaluation and disrespectful attitude of the wife.

Based on the reasons for the violation of harmonious communication within the family, ways of getting rid of the problem are chosen. However, the resolution of the first four reasons is in the competence of the specialists, but not the spouse. If the situation becomes critical and unfavorable for the psychological and physical health of the wife and children, the key to resolution is divorce.

We will devote a separate paragraph to the last reason, the most frequently encountered one.

If the husband does not appreciate his wife: “show attention and respect to him” - psychologists recommend.

The main recommendations of a psychologist on what to do if the husband does not respect his wife can surprise the female audience. For a man to appreciate his wife, it is enough for him to demonstrate an alternative respectful attitude towards him. In this case, the technique of mirroring is triggered: "you shout at me - and I shout, you respect me - I respect you."

How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect his wife: basic tips

1. Accept the power of a man as the head of the family, his authority and leadership.
   Both spouses can apply for leadership status. But in men, the need to dominate is historically inherent, and if a man strives to be the leader, he will not give in and will resist his wife.
2. Conduct communication with respect, without shouting and insults, from a position of equality.
   An invaluable quality of a woman is calmness and self-control. Not every girl can be proud of her emotional restraint. This trait alone will attract male respect.
3. Make his decisions without criticism, do not disparage his intellectual abilities.
   A man needs approval of his ideas, actions and undertakings. Systematic counter-criticism hangs the labels: "husband is stupid, wife is smart." After all, the female trump card is beauty, and the male one is the mind.
4. Appreciate his courage and sexual potential.
   It is important to show a woman's weakness, to give a man the opportunity to use his strength. Sex should be an accessible and natural privilege in family life, not a promotional carrot.
5. Share achievements and victories.
   Small success, reinforced by the approval and praise of his wife, will motivate him to a big victory.
6. Acceptance of the environment (friends, relatives, colleagues), interests and personal space, leisure.
   Spouses do not become one, their personalities do not merge into one. Therefore, these areas should be separated. Both partners have the right to personal leisure and freedom. By showing interest and approval of personal space, not only respect for the husband is demonstrated, but also trust (this also applies to personal belongings: gadgets, notebooks, social media accounts).
7. Highlight and emphasize its merits.
   There is not a single ideal person in the world. The partner is also no exception, but there are things that he does especially well. The habit of regularly emphasizing such merits will provide a good fuel for maintaining self-esteem.

Respectful woman image

Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with unkempt hair does not inspire professional confidence. Likewise, a spouse claiming priority positions in her husband's life list must maintain an appropriate image.
Let's talk about this in more detail:

1. Image and style

The inevitable fate of the fair half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of the status of a housewife or a business woman. The beloved always wants to see a stylish, attractive companion next to him.

2. An exemplary mother and hostess

These archetypal notions are still relevant in our day of gender equality. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family hearth, he is pleased to return after a hard day's work to a clean house in which well-groomed children run around, and a hot dinner is waiting on the table.

3. Desired mistress

A woman is appreciated who fills with sexual energy, awakens desire, creates intrigue, and not just, allowing her to fulfill marital duty in moments of well-being.

4. Professional self-realization of a woman

Not a single, even the most executive, housewife will command as much respect as a woman with a specialty, position, professional responsibilities. She needs a profession for the development and formation of a self-sufficient personality, and men are attracted by female independence.

5. The wife's desire for self-development

The second half should be interesting to his partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop himself and improve. Few people will be interested in a plump housewife obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.

Conclusion

Family life is not always smooth, beautiful rhythms. You have to play in four hands: if one starts to get lost, the second one gets lost, and you have to start playing the melody again. It is important to always start with yourself: accept your husband as a constant companion in life, trust him, be equal and show interest, respect to be respected.

And what of this, dear women, have you done today? Some advice from a psychologist on what to do if the husband does not respect and value his wife a little. Start with personal changes.

Show all

Introduction

There are often cases when a couple has been living together for several years, and then it turns out that the husband does not respect his wife at all. She does not appreciate her housework, does not participate in the upbringing of children, does not help with the housework. Such a man perceives his spouse as a machine when he must wash, iron, cook, clean and satisfy the husband. The latter does not even consider it necessary to thank her for her efforts. What to do in such a situation?

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When is it time to divorce your husband and how to decide on this step - advice from psychologists

A false sense of disrespect

Respect means acceptance of a person, his or her character, personality traits, opinions and actions.

It is good when the ideas of both partners about living together coincide and do not border on something fantastic. When these expectations are not realistic, and the husband is simply physically unable to fulfill them, the woman begins to accuse him of disrespect and lack of attention. What women's expectations can be classified as false?

1. 1. Obsession with romance and the expectation that family life will be like a fairy tale. It goes without saying that a man will not carry a woman in his arms all the time, serve her breakfast in bed every day and devote all his free time to filling her bed with flowers. The period of falling in love with time passes and gives way to everyday life.
2. 2. Obsession with the fact that spouses should spend their free time exclusively together. Initially, it is worth understanding that the husband is not a pet who will constantly sit at the woman's feet. He has a number of interests of his own. From time to time he wants to meet with friends, watch football, go fishing or spend time in a purely male company. This is not an indicator that the husband has stopped loving his wife or has ceased to respect her. It's just that the husband is also a person.
3. 3. Expectation of eloquent praise for literally every washed dish. Men are silent by nature. That is, they look and analyze more than they say. This does not mean that the man did not notice the woman's efforts. He's just not inclined to talk about it every time.
4. 4. Expectation of focus on dates, details and little things. Do not hope that the guy will bring luxurious bouquets of flowers for every "month" of the relationship or remember the date of the first kiss on the lips. Guys are more specific and don't pay attention to details. For example, he knows that his wife loves mushroom pizza. This he will order. And it’s silly to take offense at him for forgetting about the cheese sides, crab filler, or the fact that the dough must be of medium thickness and well-done.
5. 5. Expectation that parenting responsibilities will be shared equally between spouses. You need to understand that a man is focused on the practical side of life. That is, it provides a comfortable living, material income, good education and leisure. The rest falls on the wife's shoulders, and there is nothing supernatural about it.



How is true disrespect for a wife manifested?

The true manifestation of a husband's disrespect for his wife is the following behavior:

1. 1. Authoritarian attitude.
2. 2. Criticism of everything, whatever the wife undertakes. Moreover, criticism of the negative order.
3. 3. Total control over his wife (where she was, why so late, how much money she spent, who called, etc.).
4. 4. Unwillingness to respect the needs and desires of the wife.
5. 5. Lack of interest in the life of the spouse in general and in her problems in particular.
6. 6. Misunderstanding that the wife is a living person who periodically needs rest.
7. 7. Refusal to help the wife with household chores.
8. 8. The prohibition to spend money on yourself, the requirement of a regular report on how and where the money was spent.
9. 9. Rough treatment and regular abuse.
10. 10. The use of moral, physical or sexual violence.
11. 11. Treason.



Why do many women tolerate male disrespect?

It would seem that no adequate person would like the attitude described above. At the same time, in many families the situation of disrespect of the husband to his wife takes place, and somewhere she even flourishes. Why does a woman allow herself to be disrespected?

1. 1. The wife is too dependent on her husband financially. Even if she leaves him, she will have nowhere to go and nothing to live on. She has no source of income, work or business. And she has no one to ask for help.
2. 2. Even when she was a young girl, her relatives taught her that a woman's lot is to endure and serve her husband. That the goal of any woman is to get married and save the marriage at any cost, because without a man next to her, she is a loser with a life that did not work out. And thinking about a divorce or leaving a husband is generally a mortal sin, for which more than one generation of relatives will have to pay.
3. 3. Blind belief in stereotypes that a woman should live exclusively at home and family. She cannot work from the word at all. Any activity outside the home indicates that she is a bad wife and a completely useless woman.
4. 4. Fear of leaving children without a father. Although these children, having seen enough of the tyrant father and the eternally crying mother, dream with all their hearts that their parents will finally divorce. And then, as adults, they are unlikely to appreciate the maternal sacrifice. Most likely, they will disperse and begin to live their own lives, and their mother will still endure the despotism of her father and shed tears at night.
5. 5. Some men even repent after an outburst of aggression. They ask the woman for forgiveness, bring flowers, assure her that this will never happen again. The woman believes that now everything will definitely change, that they will be able to heal differently, but time passes and the situation worsens again.
6. 6. Total fear of loneliness. A woman thinks that at this age, and even with children, she is unlikely to be needed by anyone. For some reason, it is generally accepted in society that it is bad to live peacefully alone, when no one humiliates or beat you up. Better to be needed by someone, albeit occasionally.
7. 7. A woman is afraid to experience a feeling of shame, because after a divorce, uncomfortable questions, rumors, gossip, discussions behind her back will obviously begin. She can be considered a failure. Yes, talk is inevitable. But after a while they will stop, since others have enough of their own problems.

How to make a husband respect his wife?

Immediately it is worth realizing the fact that the respect of the husband cannot be returned in one day. This is a fruitful and many-day work. Psychologists in such a situation are advised to take the following:

1. 1. Respect yourself. The simple truth is that no one will respect a person if he does not respect himself. If a woman constantly denies the right to her own opinion, principles, freedom and personal desires, then the husband will do the same. Even if a woman is busy at work and at home, you always need to find time for yourself. If a woman does not have time to do something, you should politely ask her husband for help. At the same time, you need to take care of your spouse: recognize his primacy in the family, respect his interests, sincerely care for him and recognize his masculine strength.
2. 2. Give up hysterics once and for all. Many women show excessive emotionality in everyday life, and this prevents them from building harmonious relationships. If she wants to convey some idea to the man, then she begins to turn to screaming and tears. The woman becomes like a capricious child in a toy store, who was denied the purchase of another toy car. The man begins to perceive this behavior as an attempt at manipulation.

Sometimes female hysteria turns into an open form, with fights, smashing dishes and slamming doors. Of course, you should not keep in yourself and accumulate negative emotions, it will not be better for anyone. Therefore, in order not to switch to raised tones, it is worth learning how to express your thoughts clearly, reasonably and calmly. At first, it is advisable to practice in advance what and how a woman will say, and only then approach her husband with some question.

1. 3. There is no need to control every step of the husband. Anyone will sooner or later get bored when the other half calls every minute and sends endless msm with questions "Where are you?", "When will you come home?" etc. If the husband is already openly talking about the fact that he is tired of these endless calls and total control, it is worth listening to his feelings. The best solution to the problem is to take care of yourself, come up with some kind of hobby or activity to your liking. Then there will be no time to terrorize her husband with calls.
2. 4. Do not show your own superiority to your husband. A man will never admit that a woman is smarter than him. If she wants to save the marriage, then she needs to demonstrate her mind only in those situations when it is really necessary. There is no need to openly express dissatisfaction with your husband, this will cause irritation and rivalry. If any of his decisions does not suit his wife, then you need to gently redirect him. A wise woman will always create the illusion that the decision was made by her husband, although in fact she proposed it.
3. 5. Do not expose your relationship with your husband to the public. It often happens that a woman wants to talk about painful things, to ease the burden of problems, ask for advice, and complain about her husband. Doing this is absolutely not worth it. If the husband finds out that his wife defames his image in the eyes of relatives and mutual friends, this will inevitably lead to another scandal. It will be much more effective to talk about problems with the husband himself, to negotiate and look for compromises.
4. 6. Go to the solution of material issues. Statistics show that most family quarrels, divorces and conflicts occur due to the financial insolvency of both spouses or one of them.

If the spouse earns little, then you should not constantly blame him for this. You should help him as much as possible. Perhaps my wife will be better at putting together a resume. Or she can offer any interesting and suitable vacancies for him.

If the wife is the main earner of funds in the family, then it is worth limiting the finances that were previously allocated to the husband. When he no longer has enough money for his own needs, then he will certainly have an incentive to work and earn more.

Changing jobs or firing from her is not an easy task, so if such a situation takes place, then you should support your husband, especially if he is starting to open some of his own business. Women's support, given right and on time, helps men move mountains in the literal sense of the word.

1. 7. It is worth starting to develop together. Helps to reduce disagreements and start a new life with an interesting joint activity. The wife should find an area that would interest both spouses and offer her husband a new way to spend time together. Young couples are well suited for sports, yoga, tourism, dancing, and foreign languages. For older people, you can advise fishing, gardening, handicrafts, amateur art circles.
2. 8. It is foolish to hope that the situation will improve by itself. The more a woman tries to please her husband, push her interests into the background and cave in under him, the worse it will be for her. There is no need to think that if a woman does everything perfectly, then her husband's claims will end. If a person wants to find fault with something, then he can do it literally from scratch.

If no advice helps, and the husband continues to beat his wife and ignores her attempts to fix something, then you should seriously think about divorce. There is nothing wrong with that, not everyone manages to find their happiness the first time. There are many examples when a woman's second marriage turned out to be much more successful and happier than the first.

Conclusion

Thus, respect is one of the most important components of family happiness. If there is no sincere respect between the spouses, then their life together will be short and joyless. It will take a lot of effort to build a relationship where mutual respect reigns. Moreover, they should be carried out on both sides.

And a little about secrets ...

I looked at my husband, fascinated, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like an idiot in love ...

Respect is an acute issue in your letters and when seeking advice. In almost all stories, there are stories about how a man does not respect a woman - ignores, oppresses, reproaches, insults, yells, calls names, cheats, and so on. Who is to blame and what to do?

To begin with, let's figure out what it means to not respect. If you have the initial stage of any signs - be especially vigilant, you are on a pernicious path! But you have all the chances to never bring it to that.

Husband does not respect his wife - signs

❗ disdainful and disdainful of the life values, goals, interests and desires of a woman, as well as people, animals and things important to her: kicks her cat, says that her job sucks, her family is sad, hobbies are stupid, etc.

❗ reproaches the woman with money, food and housing, and even the money that she herself earned;

❗ makes scandals because of little things: she broke a plate, salted the soup, did not iron the laces;

❗ Cheats, is interested in other women, flirts with them. In severe cases, he can tell his wife about another woman: look what gorgeous legs have gone, and what kind of ass - mmm! In general, he does not hesitate to discuss with his wife the charms of other women, in the saddest case - adds: not like yours;

❗ compares a woman with others in principle: my friend / mom / ex is an excellent housewife, and you are not able to cook porridge normally;

❗ regrets that he got married, says that his family prevented him from reaching heights, blames him for all his failures;

❗ dismissively, because he himself is cool, intelligent, educated, well-read, with a high status, and does not consider it necessary to reckon with the opinion of the “silly wife who does not know life”;

❗ desperately jealous for no reason, that is, she believes that his wife is a rare “boat”, ready to sleep with anyone she meets;

❗ humiliates, insults, beats. Well, this is a very obvious sign. Or not for everyone?

In general, the signs may be different, each has its own. At the same time, a woman's brain often explodes: he is disrespectful, insulting, then comes as if nothing had happened and confesses his love. Either run away from him, or what to do.

When a person begins to treat disrespectfully, there are at least three options for the development of events:

To endure and be silent.
This option is chosen by women who do not respect themselves and are too dependent on a man. They understand that it would be necessary to get away from this, but there is nowhere to live, nothing to eat, nothing to raise children. And instead of taking up their own development and becoming more independent, these women choose to suffer further, just to do nothing.

Explode and scream, be rude in response.
This option is for the more independent, but even here self-respect is also zero. And the same for a man. They seem to shout in response, but they continue to remain where they are not needed, where they are not only not afraid of losing them, but sometimes they would even really like to. And the screams in return do not compensate for the insults heard from the man in any way; they also aggravate the situation.

Do not associate with those who behave unworthily.
This option is for women with self-respect and independence. But such women are never insulted because it never comes to that. They leave the man alone as soon as they notice the first signs that they are bored with him. And they don't get bored in advance, because they live their own interesting life.

Why does a woman put up with disrespect for her husband

too dependent on her husband financially and emotionally, and cannot afford to distance herself. In fact, this is the only reason, everything else is its consequences. A woman has no other interesting affairs and emotions, no sources of income and savings, nowhere to go, there is no one to even communicate with, and she is too lazy to do all this.

due to addiction, just to keep doing nothing, she liked the idea that "female wisdom" is to suffer and endure, and you have to be a good girl. That for a woman there should be no other purpose in life than to please her husband and to keep the marriage at any cost. That a woman without a man is zero and a failure. To abandon your husband and get divorced is a mortal sin, suffering is noble and will certainly be rewarded ... after death or in the next life!

The stereotypes that a woman CANNOT work and generally be active outside the home, live as one family and for the sake of the family, and as a result, have only one support in life - her husband - are successfully justified to justify dependence. And if this only support collapses, then ... none of the broadcasters of these stereotypes knows what to do next, and she herself does not want to think about it.

the same addiction is covered by the fact that she is allegedly afraid of leaving her children without a father. As if in a family with an eternally humiliated and insulted mother and a tyrant-father, they will feel good and they will receive a worthy example. Many children only dream of their parents finally divorcing and letting them live in peace. Don't believe me? Ask them yourself, most likely they will tell the truth that they do not need this mother's sacrifice and they will never be grateful for it. And how many families have you seen in which the children have long grown up and left, and the husband continues to beat his wife, but she stubbornly sits in place exactly? And what have children got to do with it? Empty excuse

after the release of aggression, many men usually have periods of guilt, which even he himself easily confuses with love. He felt ashamed, tenderness and even passion rolled over him, and he runs to ask for forgiveness and confess his love. The woman is happy - hurray, you can continue to do nothing, now everything will be different! Deep down, she knows perfectly well that nothing has changed, and it will only get worse, because she has not changed at all

afraid of loneliness, losing this man at his age and being alone forever. Here's the horror - to live in peace alone, no, it's better to suffer, but it seems like not alone and at least someone seems to need it a little, at least occasionally

it's a shame to be branded a failure in front of others, it's scary to get their disapproval, condemnation, unnecessary questions ... which they will ask once or twice and leave behind, because they have enough of their worries

The husband does not respect his wife - what to do

👉 Be a self-sufficient PERSONALITY.
If you have nowhere to go and you endure humiliation, if only you are not thrown out into the street and deprived of all the benefits - naturally, a man will not respect you. After all, he sees everything perfectly and understands that you are not suffering from great love, but simply because you cannot survive without him, and besides him there are no interests in your life. Would you respect a man who clings to you simply because he has nowhere to live and nothing to eat, and only you are the light in his window? Unlikely. And he will not believe in your unearthly love, even if it is so. Therefore, it is important at ANY moment of life to be ready to give up all the benefits that he gives, at any cost to maintain his dignity and respect for himself. In my family life, I have achieved great success mainly due to this point.

👉 Respect your husband most.
Do not swear in front of him, do not raise your voice, respect his values, do not compare with other men, do not order, do not criticize, and a thousand other little things. I have consulted women for several years and have come up with the most effective and simple techniques for improving relationships. Based on this, my husband and I created a game. Follow the link and create the relationship of your dreams!

👉 Do not hope that everything will change by itself.
The more you bend over, please and push your interests, the worse it will be. Therefore, do not hope to curry favor and finally get to the very last claim of her husband, after which absolute happiness will come. No. The last claim will be followed by a new list in twelve volumes. Take care of yourself urgently, this option is always a win-win and the most effective one.

👉 Respect yourself and take care of yourself.
A person who respects himself will always be happy. If you take care of yourself, then you don't have to wait for a man to take care of. You will not be able to choose love until the question of survival is closed. Until then, all that remains is to wait until someone feeds, gives water, and puts them to sleep in a warm bed. Feed yourself, including pleasant emotions, and see how dramatically your life will change, and how everyone will suddenly fall in love with you. This is not an easy task, so I will have to write about it in more detail in some of the following articles. Subscribe to the newsletter in VKontakte, or in Telegram, or, so as not to miss it.

👉 Seeing the REAL attitude of a man at the moment.
And not fictional, and not something that might someday be if it changes, and not something that once was, but drifted away. Yes, once he promised to love forever, never betray and be what you want. But it was a long time ago. It is important to look at his actions in the present. If he is constantly irritated, in no hurry to go home, reproaches, always in sadness, flirts with someone, or even got himself another woman - this screams about a change in his attitude. And it doesn't matter what he promised there in the past, even if it was two days ago, or what you thought up for yourself from the excuses (problems at work, crisis, everyone got him, he has a difficult character, I'm doing everything wrong, etc.). He is burdened by your presence, and the only thing that can help him change is your absence, or at least the real threat of your disappearance from his life.

👉 React with negativity or detachment INSTANTLY, not sometime later.
When a woman is afraid of losing a man, and he behaves unworthily, she realizes that he is moving away and may leave altogether, so she begins to suck up, lisp, deserve his love, and sticks her resentment away. When their relationship is improving, then she already feels more secure, he is close, there is no threat of loss - it is then that the grievances that she begins to recall to him and nag him. A man develops a conditioned reflex: in order for his wife to be silk and to give love, she must be “lowered”, and a good attitude only spoils her. And behaves even more disgusting. Relationships are going downhill. Therefore, the reaction should be instant: to unworthy behavior - IMMEDIATELY removal, as I wrote in the article. And for a good attitude - always a smile, softening, at least a slight improvement in mood, even if you quarrel, but he suddenly does something good in the process of a quarrel, for example, confesses his love or somehow cares. If you accumulate grievances and then explode, then this will only confuse the man and ruin the relationship even more, and you will be known as a hysterical. Be consistent! Read the book Don't Growling at Your Dog for a lot more detail on reinforcing desirable and undesirable behaviors.

👉 Remember that the tyrant is making a SACRIFICE.
If a tyrant lived alone, without communicating with anyone, then no one could understand whether he is a tyrant or not. This is how the students do the teacher - if he has no students, but no one will guess and believe that he is a teacher. So a woman-victim makes a man a tyrant when she stays by his side with his disrespectful attitude. He would not have been a tyrant if he had not been forced to endure the company of a woman he does not need. By the way, it doesn't matter exactly how you stay - silently or express dissatisfaction with him, scandal, even leave, but return at his first request, and especially repeat your return more than one or two times. Your words for a man are an empty phrase if they are not followed by REAL actions and consequences. And all your explanations and scandals are nothing more than props.

👉 Have a little riot.
If he complains to you about a “wrong” dinner cooked, or a shirt that was damaged during washing, tell him that you tried for him, but since you cannot succeed, he will have to cook his own food and wash his clothes. Next time, if you forget, fulfill this threat, serve him delicious "nothing" for lunch, and tell him that now he is in charge of the kitchen, since he understands this so well and only knows how to criticize. But you can only rebel when you are really ready to leave. After all, he can take advantage of such an opportunity and kick you out. And if you are not ready, then it is better to keep quiet and pump yourself up.

👉 Seeing disrespect in the bud.
Do not close your eyes, but see little things at the very beginning, when he simply began to raise his voice in a conversation, called you a rude word, sarcastically. These are the first bells. First they raise the tone, then they yell, then they swear, then they beat them, and if they beat them, then someday they will finish them off. This means that his love for you is passing, and something must be done, otherwise the relationship will end.

👉 Seek help from a specialist.
He will help you assess the situation professionally and make the best plan of action. And if the relationship can be maintained, he will help to do it.

So it goes. This is not easy to apply in our modernity, where almost everyone behaves according to the method of contradiction (and the results are very nasty), but it's really worth it. And what to choose - humiliation or dignified treatment - it's up to you.

Finally - a vivid example of self-respect from my favorite TV series about Alexandra Anastasia Lisowska. It is much more terrible to lose pride than the love of even the great sultan! Read the full article about this gorgeous woman. In our world, fortunately, we are free people and there is no need to kill ourselves (threatening suicide in the modern world will definitely not lead to good results), you just need to have self-respect and be ready to abandon a man if he behaves unworthily, even if he himself sultan.

2 comments

Many married women think about how to behave if the husband does not respect or appreciate the wife. Psychologist's advice, as a rule, consists in the selection of tactics for changing behavior, getting rid of the victim complex.

The question of respect and disrespect - imaginary or real - is ambiguous.

Does the husband really not respect or appreciate?

Often a married woman thinks that. Even more often, such a feeling arises during the period of a woman's leave to take care of children, as well as during her regular stay at home, performing the functions of a hostess.

• Indeed, roles and feelings transform over time in marriage. But, as with any partnership, two are to blame for all deviations.
• Initially, most women, especially those planning a pregnancy, are happy to have the opportunity to be at home, to raise a child, to observe the very first things in his life. Over time, this state of affairs begins to weigh on, because a woman is deprived of the opportunity to independently manage not only her life, but also in small steps every day because of a child requiring prohibitive attention.

From life. Svetlana gladly went on maternity leave, she got tired of work. Subsequently, without leaving a long vacation, Svetlana gave birth to another child. The vacation has dragged on. The woman noticed that she had ceased to pay attention to her own appearance, self-education. "You do not respect, do not appreciate my work!" - she reprimanded her husband.

Such an everyday situation is common. What is a woman to do? Behave intelligently. Learn to respect yourself.

Try this particular technique. Write the most important words in front of your eyes on several sheets of paper. Place them in the apartment so that every day at least once to collide with what was written visually, but not to put them on the public display. For example, attach them to the inner door of the bathroom cabinet, put them in your purse, a children's book. Remind yourself in these messages that without the mother's sacrifice of herself, children will not be raised.

Ask in a calm conversation with your spouse for his help, patience. Create a signal (word, gesture, object) that will mean "Think before you say." The spouse will use this signal every time from.

These tips will be useful not only for young parents, but also:

• - in a family where children of any age are brought up;
• - when you have lived together for more than one year;
• - where there is a difference in age, social status, temperaments and character, views.

Is disrespect a sin or pride?

It's great when the family adheres to certain foundations. It is even better if the last decisive word is for the father, and the soft consent is given to the mother and children. And caring for loved ones is always a good thing.

• In order for a woman not to become a servant in her own family, everyone should take care of each other. Submitting, a woman should not become a victim, thereby.
• The woman behaves gently, unobtrusively, but directly asks for help, points patiently to manifestations of disrespect for her or other relatives. It teaches boys to value women's work, girls - to behave so that in the future, in their own family, they can build an appropriate model of behavior.

From life. Who will answer where the boundaries of pride end? There was happiness in Lyudmila's family, she and her husband raised their sons, put a lot of mental and physical strength into them. Due to illness, the head of the family left production, the wife continued to work. But ... nothing has changed in the distribution of family affairs. As before, the woman did all the housework. like "There is a washerwoman, she does the washing", "The cook will cook", referring to his wife. The boys absorbed what they heard, in their own families they often quarreled with their wives because of neglect.

• Parents should remember that children copy their behavior.
• A woman should not let the course of any family disagreement that has just begun. It is easier to correct a child's character in childhood itself, rather than watching then scandals in the family of a son or daughter.
• A man should be aware that everyone in the family appreciates his contribution and the energy expended on maintaining the family. But a wife is an independent person and personality. A young mother can and should be let go for a walk or attend a cultural event, praise and help her wife-housewife in business, a working woman should not be blamed for a lack of attention.

They say that you need to respect yourself. It's right. As well as the fact that self-respect, respect for others needs to be learned and taught to your children.