You can often hear indignant ladies talking about how modern men are irresponsible, lazy and not at all masculine. In many ways, they are, of course, right. But after all, it is women who most often bring up their sons so that they grow up to be infallible people. How to raise a boy correctly so that he becomes a real man who is able to bear responsibility for his actions and those close to him? Let's try to answer this difficult question in our article.
Developmental psychology
Parenting is a complex process that must begin at birth and continue throughout life. How correct and successful it will be in childhood and adolescence depends on a man's ability to engage in self-development in his mature years and acquire the very masculinity that women so want to see.
If in the first years of his life it is important for a child to feel the boundless protection and love of the mother, then by 
As he grows up, the father's example and authority should take an increasingly significant place in the boy's life.
At the age of 7, the baby begins a new, very important stage in his life - the beginning of growing up. It is this period that will become the basis on which he will unconsciously rely throughout his life.
You can't start raising your son at the age of 10 and expect good results from him. It's pointless. In order to understand how to properly educate a boy of this age, it is necessary to know the features of his psychophysical development in the period from 7 to 11 years.
These difficult years will become indicators of family relationships, reveal all the mistakes of upbringing that were committed earlier.
Special age
Parents begin to reap the first fruits of their upbringing with the onset of the decade of their son. It is this age that is characterized by special changes in the physiology and psychology of the child.
In children 10 years old, a rapid restructuring of the body begins, which is accompanied by the growth of the skeletal system and blood vessels. While the heart muscles do not always keep up with the rest of the organs.
The onset of puberty causes dramatic hormonal changes that are responsible for memory and attention impairment, and a decrease in intellectual abilities. Moreover, the excitability of the nervous system significantly exceeds the processes of its inhibition, which is expressed in irritability and resentment, harsh judgments and the inability to control one's emotions.
Raising a 10-year-old boy cannot be successful without considering all these physical and mental changes.
Psychological manifestations of age
A 10-year-old child clearly shows changes in family relationships. The boy is trying in every possible way to demonstrate his growing up and his own opinion on all issues. This is especially true of the relationship with the mother. He begins to be rude and try to prove his case.
The peak of emotional and unstable behavior occurs at eleven years of age. By this age, with an incorrectly built line of family behavior, depressive states and immersion in oneself, manifestation of aggression and a complete refusal to cooperate are possible.
Peers are beginning to have an increasing influence on a ten-year-old boy. Surrounded by peers, his behavior changes beyond recognition.
Learning activity is characterized by an unstable nature: restlessness is suddenly replaced by thoughtfulness or excessive zeal.
Despite the outwardly aggressive desire for independence, during these years, boys need more support from their relatives than ever before. Not receiving the approval of loved ones, their anxieties and fears intensify, which leads to even greater isolation and aggressiveness.
Psychological studies have shown that 11-year-old boys have the lowest self-esteem levels compared to other age periods.
Team approval
If at the age of 7 for a boy the main motivational moment of life was education, when the assessment of his academic achievements was made, then by the age of ten the situation begins to change. The boy no longer cares how the teacher assesses him: the personal significance of himself is formed through authority among his peers. A tough competition for leadership begins.
Starting from the age of eight, the child begins to study the boundaries of what is permissible, every year studying them more and more actively. Only boys investigate this issue with practical actions that can end in violation of the law. The social development of children 8 years old is gradually becoming more active.
At this time, it is important for parents to analyze every statement and statement of their son. During conversations, one should be unobtrusively interested in who the boy is friends with, what he does with friends. Get ready for the fact that the growing man will no longer share everything at once.
At the same time, do not reassure yourself that your son is friends only with "decent" guys. These boys, too, are testing their limits, experimenting and proving their leadership.
In the children's team, a clear distribution of roles begins, and it is based on relationships with peers. As a rule, the position determined by the team at the age of 8 becomes unshakable, and it is quite difficult for a boy to move to the “other level”.
A leader, an assistant, a scapegoat, a scapegoat, a nerd - this is an approximate list of basic positions that are most often distributed subconsciously.
Boys who know how to defend their position become leaders and their assistants. And more often 
in all, it is customary for them to do this with the help of fists. If for some reason a child cannot stand up for his "honor", his authority among peers drops sharply and it will be extremely difficult for him to correct the situation.
When raising children of this age, it is important to take into account the main contradiction: the desire to be the same as everyone else, and to stand out clearly among their peers. Self-affirmation of boys occurs due to friendship with older children, whose authority is unshakable for them. That is why at this age there is a great danger of addiction to bad habits and obscene expressions.
Requirements and control
When working with children, it is now very important to regulate the requirements and their submission. Recall that an adult is no longer an authority, so all demands and requests are perceived as incorrect and unnecessary.
The child begins to determine for himself the values in life, which can often run counter to parental ideals. He still does not fully understand their meaning and content, but begins to fiercely defend them, entering into conflicts that seem stupid and meaningless to adults.
Moreover, the period of study at the middle level provides for the work of different teachers, each of which has its own position and requirements. The boy gradually moves "to his own territory", in which there is less and less space for adults.
Self-affirmation is an essential element of growing up. Stubbornness and unwillingness to be controlled by adults increasingly takes the form of conflict. Right now, boys choose those requirements that they are ready to obey, since they do not violate their "sovereignty". The correct position of adults will allow them to make the right choice, because the whole future life position depends on it.
At the age of eight, the first emotional experiences associated with the opposite sex begin to appear. At the same time, boys do not know how to correctly express their emotions. The task of adults is to direct them in the right direction, explaining that the manifestation of such feelings is natural and necessary.
In no case should you laugh at the boy's feelings, especially in the presence of peers! After all, you can undermine his authority, which will be difficult for him to win again.
This period is dangerous with experiments. Boys show their courage, strength and agility. Exactly 
therefore, news reports are constantly updated with information about boys taking selfies on the rooftops of high-rise buildings or moving trains. Violent fights, which must be recorded on a mobile phone camera, are another way to prove your courage.
Parents are obliged during this period to know as much as possible about their sons and to control their actions as unobtrusively as possible! Otherwise, the demonstration of superiority can end very badly.
Correct cooperation
How to raise a 9-year-old boy so that a real man grows out of him?
First of all, the upbringing of a boy during this period should be based on cooperation and trust. Moreover, on the trust of the son to his parents, and not vice versa.
Adults should enable the boy to realize himself in society, teach him to highlight the most effective and correct ways of communication, correct low self-esteem and shortcomings. Only with the help of parents can personal contradictions be avoided.
If adults do not take an active part in the self-affirmation of their sons, encourage reasonable boundaries of freedom and the ability to defend their position correctly, this is fraught with the following consequences:
- The child becomes aggressive, thus expressing a protest against the rejection of adults;
- Cynicism and manipulation of human weaknesses appear, and most often parents come under fire;
- Hypocrisy and weakness will become a manifestation of self-assertion through intrigue and adaptation to circumstances;
- The inability to protect oneself from the manifestation of aggression by the stronger is expressed in the constant search for patrons. Such boys are usually called "sixes" in male society.
To avoid these developmental abnormalities, raising children of this age must meet two of the most important needs:
- The need to communicate with peers. It is important to encourage any communication with peers outside the school;
- The need to establish your own tastes and preferences. Do not interfere with the boy's choice of games, friends, or clothing. After all, the formation of one's own opinion and line of behavior is possible only by trial and error.
Remember! These non-maturing sons must adjust to your value system. It is you, parents, who should be able to readjust in time and learn to cooperate with your child. The difficult period of growing up does not tolerate authoritarianism, it needs partnership.
- Find a balance between austerity and affection. Both are vital for growing up boys;
- The child should feel that the parents will always come to the rescue, support in any situation. Help should not consist in punishing the offender, but in clarifying the conflict situation, with its full analysis;
- Give the boy freedom of choice, the only way he can grow up to be a man who is aware of the responsibility for the deed done;
- Do not criticize, but suggest;
- Don't let your son feel humiliated: don't insult him;
- Love your child and be sure to tell him about this love as often as possible. Regardless of age, the son wants to know that his parents love him not for his achievements, but because he is their son.
Raising a child of 10-11 years old is a difficult task. Only those parents who were able to show maximum respect and love for their growing up son in this difficult period will be able to cope with it.
Physiology of a child of ten to eleven years
Ten to eleven years is the time before. This period proceeds in different ways for everyone, for some it is more or less painless, and for some, this process is psychologically difficult. It is accompanied by both changes in appearance and character. And it is impossible to do anything here, because you cannot argue with nature. Many children are ashamed of the physiological changes that occur to them, and the task of parents is to prepare the child for those metamorphoses that are about to completely change his body.
Psychology of a child at ten-eleven years old
Psychologically, by the age of ten, the child noticeably matures. He is about to start rebelling in any of its manifestations. It is very easy to lose credibility. It is worth giving some slack somewhere or, conversely, going too far - and that thin psychological thread that connects you with your child will break. The paradox of this age is that a teenager is more susceptible to the influence of strangers than his own parents. And very many, and very many, influence it.
As a rule, at ten or eleven years old, the child becomes more interested in the company of peers than in yours. You should not prevent your child from communicating with someone you do not like, criticizing friends and, in general, over-expressing negative emotions towards those around your offspring. You can be sure that everything will be done exactly the opposite - just out of a sense of contradiction. Even if you don't like someone from your child's company, try to calmly tell him about it. The wording “I forbid you to communicate with him” is categorically inappropriate. On the contrary, emphasize that you respect his choice, but ask him to pay attention to some character traits that, in your opinion, do not correspond very much to the status of a friend or girlfriend.
10 years is about time for a sports training camp. This option (provided that the place where you are going to send your son or daughter, proven and worthy) is close to ideal. In the camp, your child is both independent and supervised. You can combine business with pleasure and send your child to a specialized camp - sports or one that specializes in learning foreign languages.
Tips for Parents of 10-11 Years
Try to come to terms with the fact that your child is gradually moving away from you, do not try to tie him to yourself by force. A certain degree of control is definitely needed. But it is not worth responding with aggression to aggression. A child who actively asserts his own “I” can only be convinced of anything through negotiations. Advise, but don't be intrusive. Be persistent, but don't push too hard - the effect will be just the opposite. Come up with some kind of joint activities that will be interesting for both you and your child. It happens that the parents of a friend or girlfriend are more respected by the child than his own. The reasons can be very different: from the personal qualities of other people's parents to the fear that a child experiences in front of his own. At ten or eleven years old, a person is already quite old, and relations with him largely depend on the ability of those who are older to cooperate.
At the age of 11-12 years for a child, the importance of the collective, his public opinion, relations with peers, and their assessment of his actions and actions increases sharply. He seeks to gain authority in their eyes, to take a worthy place in the team. The striving for independence and independence is noticeably manifested, interest in one's own personality arises, self-esteem is formed, abstract forms of thinking develop. Often he does not see a direct connection between the personality traits that are attractive to him and his daily behavior.
At this age, children are inclined to creative and sports games, where they can test volitional qualities: endurance, perseverance, endurance. They are drawn to romance.
The desire to find oneself as a person generates the need for alienation from all those who habitually influenced him from year to year, and this primarily applies to the parental family. Alienation in relation to the family is externally expressed in negativism - in the desire to resist any suggestions, judgments, feelings of those at whom the alienation is directed. Negativism is the primary form of the alienation mechanism, and it is also the beginning of the adolescent's active search for his own unique essence, his own “I”.
The desire to realize and develop his uniqueness, the awakening sense of personality requires the adolescent to separate from the family “We”, which hitherto maintains in him a sense of security by traditions and an emotional focus on him. However, he still cannot really be alone with his “I”. He is not yet capable of deeply and objectively evaluating himself; he is not able to stand alone in front of the human world as the unique person he aspires to become. His lost "I" aspires to "We". But this time it is "We" ("We are a group") are peers.
He begins to value his peer relationships. Communication with those who have the same life experience as his, gives the child the opportunity to look at himself in a new way. The desire to identify with one's own kind gives rise to the need for a friend, which is so valued in the common human culture. Friendship itself and service to it become one of the most significant values in adolescence. Adolescence, with all the complexity of psychological interactions with other people (adults and peers), has a deep appeal for its focus on creativity. It is in adolescence that a teenager is aimed at finding new, productive forms of communication - with peers, with his idols, with those whom he loves and respects. The desire to create is also manifested in the sphere of mastered ideas and knowledge.
The youths strive to rethink what they have made the subject of their intellectual comprehension and, having felt, to give out and approve it as a product of their own thinking.
However, reflections on themselves and others reveal in adolescence the depths of their imperfection - and the adolescent goes into a state of psychological crisis. Subjectively, these are difficult experiences. But the crisis of adolescence enriches the adolescent with knowledge and feelings of such depths, which he did not even suspect in childhood. He goes through a difficult school of identification with himself and with others, for the first time mastering the experience of purposeful isolation. All this helps him to defend his right to be a person.
