Home natural farming I love my wife but I want a mistress. Can a man love both his wife and his mistress - What to do? How to take a lover out of the family

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I love my wife but I want a mistress. Can a man love both his wife and his mistress - What to do? How to take a lover out of the family

Every person strives in this life to love and be loved. It is good when this desire is fixed in marriage. Sometimes a family, as it turns out, soon cannot give a person what he so longed to receive. Then a person seeks out of marriage those relationships, feelings, to which the soul is so drawn. Whether such a passion will be sincere or whether it will be a mistake in life - but you will not know without experiencing it.

Some spend many years looking for someone with whom they want to live their whole lives. Some try to build the relationship of their dreams with one chosen person. Often relationships turn from romantic sublime into ordinary routine, the sharpness of the first touches, the first kiss is lost. There is a passionate desire to feel it again - and then the search for another begins.

Someone is looking for love, someone - passionate sex. But when you find an object that is interesting from your point of view, you really want to make sure that you are experiencing mutual emotions, interest, that something real is happening between you, and not an ordinary romance, and it doesn’t matter yet what the prospects for such a connection may be. How to know this, how to understand whether it is real between you, whether something will grow out of these relationships, even if these relationships arose between not free lovers.

How to check what feelings arose for you, how then to believe in them? Are there instructions, rules, signs by which this can be recognized? It turns out there is.

How to know if your man loves you? In addition to female intuition, which in itself is a very subtle and sensitive device, there are a lot of factors, observing which, you can understand how your lover treats you.

Non-verbal signs

To begin with, let's dwell on non-verbal signs - body gestures that speak of certain thoughts and intentions, attitudes.

General body position. The body in such cases, when a person is interested in the interlocutor, is tilted slightly forward, as if it is stretching towards you.
Touch. The interlocutor constantly strives to touch the object of his sympathy, as if by chance, lightly or seriously: with his hand, shoulder, foot. From light casual touches to serious hugs.
Sight. Peripheral vision in girls is more developed than in males, therefore it is easier for ladies to notice whether they are looking in the direction where she is or not. And if the object is of interest, then it looks very often. Whether he passes by, looks purposefully, casts a sidelong glance - one way or another, visual contact is traced very easily. The lover looks at the object of his sympathy twice as much as at anyone else.
Lips. A beloved person provokes a companion to smile. It can be open and wide, or a quiet modest half-smile, with slightly curved raised corners of the lips. Lips are a clear indicator of the relationship to the lady - whether the partner is laughing or sad at this time.
Smell. Love passion is a chemical reaction, and this is not said in vain: smells play a big role in establishing contact between people. So the lover will constantly strive to catch at least a slight smell of his beloved girlfriend: inhale the scent of hair, feel the slight smell of the body, perfume or natural - this is very exciting for a partner and means a lot.
Demonstration of importance. The very tail that a peacock spreads while courting a modest female is the male significance that is so important to show with her beloved. Impress with your strength, masculinity, ability to resolve issues and many others - and win the ladies' heart with your masculinity. Show superiority over others - thereby proving your uniqueness and that you are worthy of the most beautiful.
A lover does not seek to correct you, change you. You are already good for him, any image is accepted by him as beautiful.
General behavior of a gentleman: gallantry, care, attention. The ability to court a lady is still valued in the world, despite the general trend towards equality in all areas. Opening doors, bringing a bag, offering a jacket - these signs of care have not yet become obsolete and are important for ladies.

Verbal signs

Now let's move on to verbal manifestations - expressions of sympathy through speech, words. How can one determine the degree of partner's interest in the object?

Avoiding direct contact. Restraint that is not entirely natural. All this looks a little deliberate, so you can see when this happens. Usually this is typical for too serious guys who will think about their actions for a long time before committing them. Such people prefer to be alone with themselves for as long as possible, they are laconic and reserved.
Meetings that happen "completely by chance." If a person is married, he will easily and variously come up with occasions where his passion could be present. Even if this is an office romance and it is not so difficult to meet, all the same, these meetings are more frequent in order to be spontaneous and natural. He will want to spend as much time with you as possible. And work will not become a barrier to meetings, rather the opposite. He will find time for calls, and no inconvenience will prevent him from doing this - if he loves or is at least interested. For the sake of sharing time with his beloved, he will sacrifice fishing, meeting friends, hunting.
Unusual pronunciation of the name or inventing individual nicknames. Usually such nicknames are a diminutive form, they are something harmless and pleasant.
Actively helps in all matters. Even if he cannot help himself, he attracts those acquaintances who may be useful in the situation. And this can apply to any sphere of life, from financial to domestic.
He listens with interest to stories about himself, about his life, asks questions - and all this is enthusiastic and sincere. He is really interested in the details of the life of his beloved. Moreover, the gentleman himself will also tell everything without concealment about himself, and not only about work.
Sincere feelings make you nervous when you meet. Therefore, it is not surprising if at times a friend will seem strange and awkward.
Shows signs of attention, rejoices when he manages to surprise and do something pleasant.
He will try to enter the circle of your communication, learn more about his beloved through those who already know you. It will be important for him to make a good impression - first on your environment, and then on you.

Of course, the signs manifest themselves differently for everyone, and it’s not worth it to categorically apply everything with equal confidence, but if most of them are noticed, then there is reason to believe that the spirit of love has flown here.

Psychological

Of the common manifestations of sincere love, one can note the following, for example:

If you already have a connection, and the partner still compliments, shows signs of attention, admires you, it means that he really is not indifferent to you. Especially if he does it not only in public, as if working for the public, but also in private.
A lover will never offend his woman, no matter who she is. No sarcasm, humiliation, aggression towards passion.
A partner easily does what will bring you pleasure: a massage, a bouquet, a nice frivolous gift ... You should feel good - this is the only thing that is important to him. If, however, he easily ignores the request, forgets about it, then love is still far away.
behavior in bed. The pleasure should be mutual, and often the partner gets pleasure already from how good his partner is. If he seeks to get the most for himself, completely forgetting about your interests, this is not a real feeling.
The lover has no pretensions and nit-picking. If your every action causes a dissatisfied reaction on his part, if all words and actions are subject to criticism and changes, it is far from a sincere feeling. Even if I do not agree with you, the proposed version will be presented correctly and with respect, without authoritarian coercion and violence.

A companion in love will always let his partner know that the most beloved is simply necessary, even if he has not yet confessed his love.

The woman's feelings

In fact, for ladies, the feelings that she herself experiences for the object are much more important, from this the relationship develops more vividly, and the sex is unforgettable. So whether a lover loves or not is sometimes a secondary question.

A lover will never allow himself to appear in front of his beloved in an unsightly, sloppy, uncollected form.

He will try to put on better things, put himself in order. Except when slovenliness is character.

The female gender is usually quite simple and quickly recognizes when it likes - the internal radar quickly shows it. But usually more serious proofs are needed later, in addition to ephemeral intuitive ones. This is where these symptoms come in handy. Or facts and signs will be appropriate for those persons who rely on logic and prudence - in such cases, abstractions do not inspire confidence, only clear arguments will help calm the soul.

A person who understands that she is the object of love, but does not want or is not ready to respond, usually pretends that she does not understand anything or fights back.

If it's a married lover

You can understand that a married man is in love with you by the same signs. The trouble is that they are also visible to the wife, if she is observant and cautious. A person who values the family will try not to change his usual way of life, not to destroy the family, he will try to stifle his feelings in the bud.

If the feeling has already taken root, it will be very difficult to stifle the feelings. But even when a companion is seriously in love with you, it does not follow from this that intentions will turn into deeds, and that a long happy life together awaits you. Even if a friend is in love, he may not seek to connect the future with you.

If the partner behaves as one of the points below describes, it is not destiny to be together - the companion is satisfied with the situation with his real wife and is not at all going to get divorced and connect life with you.

categorically forbids calling, sharply limits communication;
forbids telling about you to your friends, relatives;
you do not celebrate together any holidays related either to both or to any one of you;
you feel that he constantly lies and is nervous;
talk about the future is cut short;
acts as if you are his property;
showers you with gifts instead of the expected courtesies.

Love is a Beautiful Thing. However, it is better to remember that you cannot build your happiness on someone else's misfortune, and by destroying a family, you will not create anything good for yourself. Although - everything in life is individual, and sometimes the real passion comes when happiness already seems completely impossible.

Despite the name and the disposition outlined above, the note is equally suitable for both men and women. The situation when one person loves two at once - after all, it occurs in both men and women.

Let's start by clarifying the main thing - is it possible to love two at once?

The answer, as usual, depends on the semantic content of the verb "to love." If we consider that “to love” means “to experience a feeling of warm affection”, then it is possible. Even three can be warmly attached. Even to four. Why, there are people who can warmly become attached to hundreds of individuals at once. It’s another matter if we say “love”, but we hear “show mutual active care” or “demonstrate dopaminergic goal-setting motivation to form and maintain stable pair bonds” (who said that Zygmantovich writes too primitive notes? Try to chew this definition!) .

With such meanings, it is impossible to love two people. Because if you show care, you will not hurt your wife by showing such care to another woman. And if you seek to form stable pair bonds, then you will not begin to form these bonds with someone else, except for your husband (because then the connection with him will be unstable).

It turns out that it is impossible to love two people at once (unless, of course, you use adequate definitions of love).

But after all, there are situations when a man seems to love his wife - and immediately loves his mistress! And there are situations when a woman loves her husband - and immediately loves her lover. How so?

There are, I think, three explanations for this.

First(very simple). In the cases described, the verb "love" is simply incorrectly (incorrectly) used. For example, a woman loves her lover, but lives with her husband simply because, for example, there is nowhere else to live (or for some similar near-rational reason - children, mortgages, social pressure). This explanation is obvious, so we won't dwell on it for a long time.

Second explanation (harder). By and large, this is a variation of the first, but it is very bright - it can be distinguished separately. It's about a situation where a person also uses the verb "love" incorrectly. With this verb, he calls his dependence on some manifestations of another person. I wrote more about this in the article “Why did I leave the family? I don’t know ... ”(link to it is at the end of the text), so I won’t repeat myself.

Third explanation (largest). You can’t love two at once, but you can be in a state of choice - who exactly to love. Now I'll tell you more.

How does a mistress or lover appear? Almost always - against the background of weakening feelings for a partner. Why such a weakening occurs is not the topic of this note, as well as the issue of refreshing feelings (there is a separate webinar about this, a link to it will be below).

Now we are interested in something else - the scheme of the development of the situation "I love them both."

So, feelings weakened, a lover / mistress appeared. The romance is developing on the side, it seems to everyone that the situation is obvious, everyone understands what is going on ... But here, as a rule, the unexpected happens.

Namely: in a strange way, relations with a spouse are improving.

How this happens is a separate big conversation. Here there is a contribution from hormones, and purely psychological mechanisms (for example, pressure from a mistress), and variables unknown to science (not yet known).

The main thing is that the trend is noticeable - often after the appearance of a lover / mistress, relations in the husband-wife pair improve (knowledgeable people will immediately recall the special term “triangulation”).

And in this situation, a person finds himself in a state of choice - with whom to stay after all. It is this state that is called "to love two." Yes, I insist (or am I not the most categorical psychologist in the world?). It is the state of choice between two men that is called "I love both," it is the state of choice between two women that is called "I love both."

As such, love is not here yet. It will appear later - when a person is determined in his choice.

So, it turns out, the main question is to decide on the choice. And you need to decide - some of the relationships need to end, otherwise the body simply will not stand it. An unfinished relationship is like a splinter. All the time they interfere and strive to turn into an abscess and blood poisoning. Relationships must end, this is an axiom.

“I love my wife ... And I love my mistress ... How can I be?” This disposition occurs to me from time to time in my work.

Decided to make a note about it. Without the task of correcting someone, so - for information.

Despite the name and the disposition outlined above, the note is equally suitable for both men and women. The situation when one person loves two at once - after all, it occurs in both men and women.

Let's start by clarifying the main thing - is it possible to love two at once?

The answer, as usual, depends on the semantic content of the verb "to love." If you think that “to love” means “to experience a feeling of warm affection”, then you can. Even three can be warmly attached. Even to four. Why, there are people who can warmly attach themselves to hundreds of individuals at once.

It’s another matter if we say “love”, but we hear “show mutual active care” or “demonstrate dopaminergic goal-setting motivation to form and maintain stable pair bonds” (who said that Zygmantovich writes too primitive notes? Try to chew this definition!) .

It turns out that it is impossible to love two people at once (unless, of course, you use adequate definitions of love).

But there are situations when a man seems to love his wife - and immediately loves his mistress! And there are situations when a woman loves her husband - and immediately loves her lover. How so?

There are, I think, three explanations for this.

Third explanation (largest). You can’t love two at once, but you can be in a state of choice - who exactly to love. Now I'll tell you more.

Now we are interested in something else - the scheme of development of the situation "I love them both."

Namely: in a strange way, relations with a spouse are improving.

As such, love is not here yet. It will appear later - when a person decides in his choice.

Relationships must end, this is an axiom.

How exactly do you choose who to end a relationship with? Here I will not tell you - it's none of my business. But how to end a relationship is up to me, I can do it.

This is not so much about the end of a relationship that is still alive, but about the end of a relationship that outwardly ended a few years ago. Well, you know how it happens - people continue to live in the hope of returning, in new relationships they behave as in the previous ones, they constantly compare a new potential partner and an old one ... There is no benefit from this, only harm. You need to understand that in order to start a new relationship, you need to end the old one.

I have collected all the most effective psychological ways to end old relationships in one audio training.

And I have everything, thank you for your attention.

Promised notes and links:

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I love my wife... And I love my mistress too: 58 comments

Maria
but how can a man choose between two women if he has already chosen his wife officially before.?
Alexei
But what about the eastern polygamous families?
Ivan
Pasha, hello! Thanks for the interesting article.

You write that "the main question is to decide on the choice." But if the choice occurs virtually every day, how can you say whether you have decided or not?

For example, I love my girlfriend, and everything is fine with us, but when I see other beautiful and NEW girls for me, I am very drawn to them. Not in the sense you want to sleep straight, but rather you want some kind of flirting or her attention. But I want to strongly, straight blows the roof. At first, she seems very beautiful and so mysterious, but after a couple of minutes of communication, it usually becomes less interesting, you find some flaws (comparing with your girlfriend). And lets go ... exactly until the next time.

Because of this, I feel guilty and start looking for explanations: this girl has longer legs, and this one has a more attractive smile. In general, sometimes I feel like I'm trying to find the perfect girl. But I am sure that when I find it, I will still stare at the new ones, simply because they are different.

Obviously my search behavior has not ended, I have to make a choice every day with difficulty. Are there methods, and if so, which ones, to accept your choice and believe in it?
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Hi Ivan!
  
  You write that "the main question is to decide on the choice." But if the choice occurs virtually every day, how can you say whether you have decided or not?
  _Here is such a thing - the choice happens every day, that's right. You can make a choice at the moment of choice. That is, if it is every day, then every day you need to make a choice. The final decision can be made only after death 🙂
  
  For example, I love my girlfriend, and everything is fine with us, but when I see other beautiful and NEW girls for me, I am very drawn to them.
  _This means that you have a search behavior (as you correctly write) and, therefore, you have not yet decided whether you want to live in a pair with your girlfriend. Actually, there is exactly one method here - to start living in a pair.
  
  Simply put - get married 🙂 Well, or at least indicate to everyone (and to yourself too) that you are a couple. Put on the ring, status on the social network, tell your friends 🙂
  1. Ivan
    Pash, thanks for the answer 😉 We have been living together for about a year now. Sometimes I’m extremely happy, and sometimes I want to break free and run away =) I thought the reason for this was that I once missed the stage of “relationship without obligations”, didn’t work up - study, science, work ... And now I’m 27 and I myself I understand that it's time to settle down and even want to, that's the paradox.
    
    Pash, do I understand you correctly that in order to finally deal with this search behavior, you need to understand - do I want to be with this girl or not? Those. should i get married? It just scares me that the price of a mistake is high. But, of course, it’s even more frightening to lose everything and these constant doubts are insanely exhausting - any certainty is better =)
Yuri
You have a very strange definition of love, under which you adjust your reasoning. I think that for many, love has nothing to do with the desire to form stable pair bonds. They also love other people's spouses, and without the desire to make the spouse their own, there is love in an open marriage and in a thousand different situations.
The axiomatic nature of the need for choice is also by no means obvious. A lot of people are happy just from having multiple love objects without having to make a choice.
Tamara
Pavel, bravo! Everything is so easy and clear. Once again I take my hat off to you
Natalia
Thank you!
Until they understand that love and falling in love - attraction - egoism - attachment are still different, they will call one another ...
margarita
Still, it would be interesting to know about the selection algorithm. I am already completely confused between two men, and I can’t even imagine how to choose one of them. So I go back and forth, but this is bad for me, and for them, to put it mildly, unpleasant. I understand that I need to stop somewhere, but I can’t.
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Margarita, first of all, you need to stop choosing. That is, for a month or more not to see and not communicate 🙂
Murka
Everything about you is strange. Like on the shelves. And when you love a person because he cares about you, loves you. When you understand that a child loves both dad and mom. BUT when the same person breaks down on you, if there are problems at work, does not want sex. But even close to talking about a divorce is not. Convenient, good.
And when there is a person who does not yell, who wants you, hears. BUT who, like you, has a family in which it is comfortable and good, well, there is not enough sex, well, the wife sometimes mows, and who does not. There is a child who also loves both mom and dad.
And two not free people think about each other, love each other and understand that there is no point in making a choice here :))) That's how you love two.
Murka
And yes, it's been going on for over 6 years.
Murka
In, even if a psychologist cannot figure it out)) How can ordinary inhabitants understand this range of feelings :))))
I speak easier. Sometimes, it seems to me, making a choice does not make sense or is simply not possible. Therefore, people dangle, now to his wife, then to his mistress. (Now to her husband, then to her lover) And they really love sincerely both. And they cannot make a choice, since love is a multifaceted concept. It's like choosing between the left hand and the right, which one to cut off, because both are needed. So you can live your whole life, and happily.
I personally love my husband. He cares, loves, I love sex with him, I love to cook for him, I love to lie on the couch with him and watch a movie, etc. But I hate his uncompromisingness, irascibility and harshness, also slowness and not love for noisy companies.
And my lover is a completely different person, loves noisy companies, always listens and supports, does not shout, loves. BUT he is careless in everyday life, he doesn’t know how to take care, he loves alcohol (not to the point of losing his pulse, but more fun), but I don’t like drunk people, etc.
Now, if I could make one person out of the two of them, I would be happy )) But the ideal man does not exist, just like the ideal woman.

And problems begin only when one of the two women (men) begins to pull the blankets over themselves. Then yes, the question of choice arises ) And this is how you can live and be happy )) And most importantly, sincerely love two!
Ilya
That's how it is - and I thought that love is a feeling that, in principle, cannot be put under any definition, I love both my wife and my mistress, I love it in different ways, but they are different, but what I wrote the author - I think this is nonsense, you can’t put feelings under definitions !!!
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Ilya, it is possible, very possible 🙂
Anonymous
I love my wife, I have a mistress whom I can’t refuse in the family, there are children, but I can’t make a choice
vadim
I lived with my wife for 15 years! lets go says she won’t live without me!?! I feel very sorry for her, she’s a good person and she’s not guilty of anything! what should I do, kind people, please give me advice, I’m lost!
Konstantin
Good time of the day.
based on your conclusions, you draw the bottom line -
a person is SHARPENED to love one / y.
That is, according to your conclusions, if you exclude sexual components, a partner cannot love his children and parents. He/she is not imprisoned.
I think your acquaintance with the polygamous families of the East is very superficial, if you draw such conclusions, but God be your judge.
I'm sure you're familiar with the term POLYAMORE RELATIONSHIPS, where there's no limit to living with just one partner. And there is no lie, so the concept of treason does not exist there. By common agreement, they live together.
So here's the question: who SHARPENED a person within the framework of one partner?

why is polygamy allowed in Judaism and Islam (and many other religions)?
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Good day, Konstantin.
  
  That is, according to your conclusions, if you exclude sexual components, a partner cannot love his children and parents. He/she is not imprisoned.
  _These are your conclusions, not mine 🙂 It's convenient to attribute your conclusions to me and disagree with me on this basis 🙂
  
  I'm sure you're familiar with the term POLYAMORE RELATIONSHIPS, where there's no limit to living with just one partner. And there is no lie, so the concept of treason does not exist there. By common agreement, they live together.
  There are also polyandrous marriages - when one woman has many husbands. The world is so diverse
  
  So here's the question: who SHARPENED a person within the framework of one partner?
  _Evolution. She's cursed
  
  Why in the tribes: unfamiliar with the concept of world revolution.
  why is polygamy allowed in Judaism and Islam (and many other religions)?
  _ Above, I mentioned the tribes where polyandry is allowed. It is obvious that this is a consequence of the conditions of life. The Jews and Muslims you mention are moving towards monogamous marriages at the first opportunity. Like this 🙂
Ermis
Behind the husband, there is a lover. I love both .. Sometimes I want to quit everything and go to my lover (He doesn’t call, He’s not married, he only meets me) sometimes he skews towards my husband and I think to erase my lover’s number, especially if he doesn’t call, he’s busy .. .. But not I can decide on anything. I am tormented and afraid of losing one of them.
Tatiana
Hello Pavel. I read your article about the choice and straight heart ached. It seems like it looks like the truth, and from a scientific point of view, maybe it’s right (I’m not special), I’ll just say now about my feelings from what I read. The feeling that this is such an interesting game, which is simply called "choice" and people choose in a circle of this and that, and they can also give a link to such an article;) my choice - I have the right. In fact, this is pure selfishness. does not suit this one, but on the side I will get what I lack. This is not a choice - this is theft and deceit, just a betrayal veiled under the word choice + infantile not wanting to work on yourself and relationships. The choice was made once - at the altar, and then you can't choose. You seem to admit the possibility of blurring the boundaries of marriage with these various clever psychological terms and points 1,2,3. the most interesting thing is that “gulens” will even justify themselves 🙂 and they write here again mostly ordinary “gulens” who are primarily concerned only with their comfort, but no one thinks about their responsibility and about the pain that they cause both spouses and children. this is generally a destructive position for the family as such. (My opinion) I want to be chosen only once. For reference: there were two husbands who loved to choose and could not understand in any way. I made this choice for them. Divorce and property in half.
Otto
It is very sad to read such a set of allegations, as in this article. At least this phrase: “if you show care, you will not hurt your wife by showing such care to another woman.” Just one of the possible, of course traditional, especially on this part of the land, but essentially neurotic, the variant of building relationships is extolled here as the only correct one. While more and more people are choosing to live differently.
RoNasva
But after all, there are situations when a man seems to love his wife - and immediately loves his mistress! And there are situations when a woman loves her husband - and immediately loves her lover. How so?
Anna
It’s even funny to read the comments of people who cover up their inflated ego with love, allegedly love both their spouse (a) and their mistress (ka). They love only themselves. If you love your spouse, there will be no other person in your life. Love is, above all, respect for a loved one and acceptance of him as he is. All people are different, but if they really love each other, they work on themselves and relationships, and do not seek compensation for any character traits in other people. Not enough, you gentlemen, responsibility! And if you suddenly realize that the relationship does not suit you and has become obsolete, then it would be more honest to file a divorce, and not lie. And in general, write about the shortcomings of spouses and lovers, but are you perfect? Your love is called by another word….

Love is the territory of only two, so there are no women in the world who seek a serious relationship with married men.

In theory, everything is simple - a married man cannot be "the man of your dreams." He is simply not seen as a potential partner.

But real human relationships are far from ideal. We do not always find out in time that a man is married (you can verify this by visiting almost any women's forum).

The absence of a wedding ring has a calming effect, and when meeting an absent wife, they rarely talk about it - after all, we get to know each other first of all as individuals, and not as possible spouses. And we sincerely rejoice if interest and friendly relations pass into a romantic stage.

But it often turns out that your prince is already married. And the woman begins to wonder what to do and how to stop loving a married man.

Why are relationships with a married man usually futile?

If, having learned about the presence of a wife, you do not lose interest in him and decide to continue the relationship with this man (many do this, because love is blind, strong emotions prevent you from thinking rationally, and the question “why and why am I doing this?” Does not arise) , a love triangle is inevitably formed in which you are assigned the role of a mistress.

In some cases, the triangle quickly breaks up, and the mistress acquires the status of a legal wife. But such cases are the exception rather than the rule.

What do dream books say about this?

Subconsciously, most women know this - it is not for nothing that the dream book, in which folk experience is concentrated, predicts that a married man dreams of trouble. This is not surprising - women usually negatively perceive men who have mistresses.

The dream interpretation also portends the appearance of guilt and tension. If a woman is interested in the meaning of dreams and believes in omens, she can part with a married man in time. And if she is married, she will be able to pay attention to her marriage in time - the dream book interprets such a dream as dissatisfaction with marriage.

Although many modern women consider dream books to be an archaic relic, psychology and statistics in this case agree with them - Sigmund Freud used dreams to conduct psychoanalysis, and even compiled his own dream book.

Statistics say that the resulting love triangles:

Often become "chronic" because all its participants are not able to leave.
All its participants are psychologically traumatized, and the longer such relationships last, the more severe the trauma.

A woman, having decided to have a relationship with a married man, usually does not take into account the psychological background of his behavior. Psychologists say that in most cases, men with certain problems (complexes, etc.) have mistresses.

Despite the popular opinion about male polygamy, male psychology does not allow, with a stable, warm and sensual relationship with his wife, to have an affair on the side. Why, then, even men who are tuned in to married life sometimes have mistresses?

Why do men need a mistress?

A lover in the life of a normal married man appears when problems arise in his family relationships. Husbands are not inclined to analyze the causes of these problems and eliminate them (the exception is a lover who appeared with his wife).

In most cases, with family troubles, a married man either goes to work or seeks understanding on the side. And then you appear on his horizon - not married, you yourself show interest in him, do not condemn, do not ask “why?” and understand everything as it should!

And the mutual understanding that has arisen between you (if there is none in his family) is the reason why a love affair arises, which a man may later regret. Very often in such cases, your lover begins to rush between you and his wife, to whom he is still attached.

He starts to feel guilty. You can look for answers in dream books, guess, hope that he will go to you forever, you can endlessly. And in the end, most likely, he will not be able to choose: with whom to maintain relations, and with whom not.

A woman who has entered into a relationship with a married man always expects to remain in his life forever, not as a mistress, but as a lawful wife. But many men are quite satisfied with the status of a lover.

A married man needs another woman if:

The wife often makes scandals, all the time she demands something, and he wants an easy relationship without special responsibilities.
Intimate life has become monotonous, but because of this, you don’t want to share property and children.
He got married too early or “over the top”, there are no special feelings for his wife at the moment, other women are of interest, but he is very attached to the child.

The spouse usually does not plan to leave the family, since the domestic side of the marriage suits him perfectly. Often the interest of such men is a bright and married woman, because she rarely wants to part with her husband.

What promises a love triangle to a mistress?

Psychology and statistics say that at first, relationships that are not burdened by everyday life and adorned with romance (a married man tries not only to please you, but also to compensate for the presence of a wife) suit most women who have fallen in love with a married man.

The woman still believes that the lover is really going to part with his wife and draws in her imagination bright pictures of a joint future.

Over time, she realizes that if she becomes the only one, then not soon, she begins to look for a forum with similar stories, look into a dream book or try to clarify the future by other methods. The dream interpretation focuses on the external data of the dreaming man, the forum recommends breaking up, and various predictions are vague.

At the same time, she still likes the man and has no strength to part with him. The woman herself does not understand why she and her chosen one need this relationship, but “I love him” outweighs all arguments, and the dream book, which allows different interpretations, gives false hope.

Over time, interest gradually fades away and the relationship becomes painful. The question of what to do with these relationships, how to fall out of love with a married man and how to part with him, becomes especially acute at the later stage of the existence of the triangle.

The woman worries why she herself allowed this and why she did not stop in time. In some cases, self-esteem falls, and the woman herself does not want to do anything to part with her lover.

Other men do not arouse interest, because in addition to a kind of dependence, a belief is formed that almost all men at least occasionally have mistresses. That is why, having fallen in love with a married man, it is better to immediately think about what to do in order to avoid the fate of a mistress.

If a married man is of interest to you

Although the concept of "mistress" comes from the word "love", society treats women with such a status extremely unfavorably, but "lover" is perceived more adequately. As a result, you are forced to:

Endure the pangs of jealousy and at the same time carefully hide them- being married, you can break the dishes as a last resort, but he already has these joys of life “there”. And he is looking for peace, sympathy and complete understanding from you.
Never call and never count on him. If necessary, you can write sms, choosing neutral expressions, but no “I love”.

Live in constant anticipation of his visit, i.e. regularly be on full alert and keep his interest.
Spend the holidays alone. Even if your lover celebrates some event surrounded by colleagues, it is inconvenient for him to take you instead of his wife.
Tolerate his lies.
Deal with the fact that he has a child, therefore, in addition to remorse, you are still waiting for “I can’t today - my son has training, temperature, parent meeting, etc.”.

At the same time, you also want to have children, but a child from a married man either remains completely without a dad, or his dad is coming, “Sunday”. Even if a woman thinks that she can bind a lover to her as a child, and he leaves the family, at best she will simply turn into a secret wife.

The forum on this issue is replete with sad stories about believing in what "loves" and about unfulfilled hopes, but even sadder when a child is involved in this difficult relationship. Therefore, if you decide to create a full-fledged family, with your beloved, but married, it is better to leave, and it is better if you do it yourself.

How to end a hopeless relationship with a married man?

Psychology claims that a person is not able to control love, but we are quite capable of preventing love from developing into a deep feeling. If you realize that you like a married man, try to study all the nuances of the situation.

The man who arouses your interest may well not live with his family (marriage exists only on paper). It is desirable to obtain information not from the man himself, but from disinterested persons (mutual friends, etc.).

If the marriage is formal, you can give free rein to your feelings, and not even look into the dream book.

If there were no signs of “disintegration” in the family before your appearance, and you do not want endless meetings with a lover who will never become a husband, you need to understand how to stop loving a married man and what you need to do for this.

Desirable:

Take a timeout in communication. During this time, you can meet a person who will be of interest to you and at the same time will not be married.
Imagine that you are married to him and what will you do in this case. In the process of courtship, a person shows himself from the best side, but it is no coincidence that his family life is not ideal, because not only the wife is to blame for this situation (often the lover believes that only the wives themselves are to blame for the fact that men have mistresses).
If your relationship has been going on for some time, you are most likely sure that he loves you, but is still living with her (there is always an explanation for “why”). Your "I love" does not allow a sober look at the situation, but it is simply necessary.

If a divorce does not occur in the first months of a new romance, according to statistics, it will never happen. In this case, it is the man who must decide who is more dear to him - his wife or his mistress.

If he really loves you, he will definitely decide on a divorce. But for some reason he can't make up his mind. So why waste your feelings and life on someone who did not deserve it?

Why me?

In addition, in order to understand how to forget a married man, it is important to analyze your past. Not every woman loves a married man and agrees to the role of a mistress.

Psychology says that married men come across quite often to women with low self-esteem. Therefore, first of all, you need to increase your self-esteem, throw away the dream book and fortune-telling cards, pay attention to yourself and surround yourself with new positive impressions.

Try to look at the forum on this topic - communicating with people in a similar situation will help you make the right decision and avoid men who have mistresses in the future.

Think about whether you can trust this man if he becomes your husband. After all, once he had already decided to have a mistress, and for some men, the presence of mistresses is the norm.

Do not live in illusions - the sooner you can correctly assess the situation, the more chances you have to become happy. Without false hopes, interpretations of dream books, advice from friends and fortune tellers.