Home perennial flowers The person loves does not want to be together. To love, but not to be together (how is it?). not be together

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The person loves does not want to be together. To love, but not to be together (how is it?). not be together

Hello Ilya!
The girl believed in you, trusted you, and you, of course (from a male point of view, it seems to be correct), did not want to “pull her to the bottom with you”, did not want to “load” her with your problems, etc., i.e. in your mind, you seemed to be protecting her, protecting her from the negativity in which you yourself found yourself!
That's right, but from your point of view!
What does she feel?
Most likely, you didn’t trust her, that she didn’t cost you anything, didn’t mean that you showed that you couldn’t (and can’t ...) rely on her in a difficult situation, ... that you abandoned her, drove her away her that you didn’t have a trusting relationship (which means it can’t be in the future !!!), that you didn’t consider her a close person whom you can completely trust (and she, therefore, can’t be with you either frank, etc.), to trust in any situation, with any difficulty, etc., and therefore, what kind of continuation can these relations have?!
She, apparently, would definitely support you in a difficult moment, feel you needed, significant for you, you would unite in solving the problem, even if you solved the problem yourself, but she would not feel superfluous in your couple, as it turned out !
Most likely, somehow she thinks, feels now! She feels resentment and, most likely, distrust of you...
I think you know perfectly well that trust can be earned over the years, and lost in one second!
But, if there is love between you, there is a great desire on your part to improve relations and, of course, bring them, new ones, to a different, higher level, then you should voice to the girl all your “then” thoughts, the desire to save her, etc. .p, to say that you trusted and trust her, but you yourself, like a man, wanted to solve your problems, protecting your beloved ...
Ask for forgiveness for the fact that you decided for both of you (break up!), for her, without asking her opinions, desires (this, I think, offended her very much! in fact, most likely, she feels betrayed by you, humiliated, that you are not reckoned with her, and everyone decided YOURSELF, ONE!)) Say that they said so (about parting) only because they were afraid to harm her with their problems, that they believed that she deserved a better share (voice your “thoughts ") etc.
Tell her what you understand, tell her what you wanted, what is best for her, only for her sake, tell her about your feelings for her, that you want to be with her together, that you will not put pressure on her, but, ask her to understand you too, and if she loves, then return to you, that you feel bad without her ... etc.
If you are ready for now to just communicate, meet, as if starting a relationship from scratch, then offer her the same and be sure to ask what she thinks about it, that you IMPORTANT HER opinion, desire (this should rehabilitate you a little in her eyes), Well, then, look at the circumstances, at her answers ....
Maybe over time, everything will get better for you, but it can already be like a “new” relationship!
And who knows, maybe they will be much better than before! What I wish you!
All the best to you, Ilya, wisdom to you, calmness, patience, positive in your soul, faith in yourself, self-confidence, good luck and happiness!

Sincerely. Miroslava

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Thanks for understanding!

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "Hello, Ilya! The girl believed you, trusted you, and you, of course (from a male point of view, sort of, ..." to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

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Question to the psychologist:

Hello. I am writing here because I need advice from a person who will help to understand everything.

I'm 19, my boyfriend is 22, it all started more than a year ago, we immediately started dating, everything was fine, at the beginning of the relationship I was not jealous, but the fact is that my boyfriend (was) sociable, he had several girl friends, Of course, it offended me, but he said that they were just friends, that he had been talking with them for a long time and would not stop, said that he did not divide friends into guys and girls, said that he did not need anyone but me .

Emotions - do you have them or not?

Have you ever experienced your emotions and were not in control, and then regretted your actions and words? Emotions are part of us, they are those momentary tides that occur at different moments of our lives. You should not suppress them, but guide them in the right direction without harming you. Emotions are normal, but how much better it would be if you could control them instead of you. Those emotions that are left behind are just pain for you and others. In one connection, you cannot hide your character's traits.

By the way, for the entire period of the relationship, he never lied to me, did not cheat, he just talked, but I realized this only when I lost it.

For all his years, I had the 3rd girlfriend in terms of relationships. The fact is that he said that he would never start a relationship with a person who would not hook him as much as possible.

Relationships like this bring out both your best and your worst. How to overcome these negative emotions? Doubts and misunderstandings can always arise between the two of you. When two different characters gather in one place, sooner or later a conflict arises. Many couples are afraid of these misunderstandings, but this is not a problem in itself. The real test is whether the conflict will be resolved.

At such times, anger is not a good counselor. This is an emotional state that may be a reaction to injustice, but not to the mistakes of another person. Usually people get mad at someone because they see a negative quality that they failed to achieve. In such a situation, keep quiet and wait until the storm passes. Do not rush to conclusions and decisions. Try to master yourself as you think. Everyone could achieve this as long as he strives to know himself by thinking about his reactions in any situation. Very often, the cause of the reaction is not what we see on the surface, but much deeper.

Said he loved me more than he loved anyone before. He said that he would like to connect his life with me. And you know what? I'm sure he really wanted it, because he had no reason to lie about such topics.

But the fact is that I am very jealous, I was jealous of him for everyone with whom he would exchange a couple of phrases on the street, especially the beautiful ones (by the way, he told me that I was more beautiful and better than anyone in the world)). He soon got tired of it, quarrels began about six months later, when there was no strength to endure.

So beware of the situation and the "culprit" and focus on the question: "What makes me react this way?" Answer, but don't be content with the first thing that comes to you. Continue like this, let's become a chain of questions and answers. It is then that you will be able to understand the essence of the problem, and you will know how deep the cause is. Understand once, returning to the same life situation, you will think differently. The problems you face on a daily basis will not be so huge and intractable. Look for what is hidden in you, think about it, not what you see, but what is behind the initial impression of the situation.

So, in quarrels, we lasted until August 3 of this year, he said that he loves, but no longer wants a relationship with anyone, because he did not like my groundless jealousy (by the way, he only talked on the Internet, did not walk with anyone even, except for those with whom he studied), I didn’t like the fact that I didn’t let him spend as much time with friends as he wants and the like.

By achieving this for yourself, you can already better understand your partner. You will not only resolve disputes and problems between them, but you will also develop and develop your individuality. If everyone always strives to look at themselves first and not blame the other, then very negative emotions can be avoided.

Don't run away from conflicts, but resolve them first and then with your partner. Any suppression of the problem without talking can deepen it. Admit your weaknesses and mistakes. This requires courage, but only in this way, by acknowledging our own weaknesses, can we accept the weaknesses in the life of another.

Now I understand that I am to blame for the most part, because, looking back, I remember that my reasons were, well, none at all, now I think, well, he communicates and communicates, because I also have a friend with whom I have been communicating well since school .

Now we keep in touch with him, but what’s there, we generally communicate well, walk together, walk hand in hand, kiss, hug, he takes me to the cinema, feeds, in general, almost the same as during a relationship, we only spend less time together, he is more with friends - guys, we see each other every 3 days, sometimes more often. He says that he felt better, that I'm not jealous, that he can spend more time with friends.

Some might say that everyone has a character and hasn't changed anywhere. One thing is true, you can't change your partner, but you yourself - yes! Change is a decision, and it doesn't come suddenly. Change your thinking and sooner or later it will affect your actions! Don't ask someone to change for you. Some people are more emotional than others, they experience everything and attach great importance to it. You need to understand and accept them. Perhaps that emotion drew you to the beginning of your relationship, and without it, it wouldn't be the same.

He himself must realize the need for change and make a decision about it. A person's desire to want to change is tied to their commitment to the relationship. The closer you are to the other person, the more responsible and willing you will be to work on yourself and your changes. If your partner is dedicated to you, they will be grateful for your efforts and together you can strengthen your relationship.

But he also says that he loves, but says that I should slowly wean, he does not want a relationship, he wants to remain friends despite the fact that he loves.

I want to say that sometimes I still present something to him, he gets angry, and then, when he leaves, he writes nice things himself, calls somewhere.

Only one question torments me: will we be able to renew our relationship someday? Is there any chance for such a turn of events?

Get the best out of the day, as there is always another point of view, try to find it! By examining yourself and your reactions, you become familiar and improving, and thus you can easily manage your emotions. Take responsibility for your emotions without blaming them! You think positively, except that you protect and save, you can also be useful to your partner. If you strive for harmony, take a small step towards achieving it, it's up to both of you!

Compromise and the right attitude to it

We all know that the important and basic things that relationships are based on are love, trust, respect and, last but not least, mutual compromises. They constantly advise us to compromise by setting ourselves other needs, and when we love, it is not difficult, because we want the person with us to be happy. This is completely natural and necessary in a healthy relationship, but we need to understand the trade-offs correctly in order to avoid future problems.

The psychologist Yulia Vladimirovna Vasilyeva answers the question.

Hello Ekaterina!

Answering your question: will your relationship with a young man ever be able to resume, I want to say that everything is possible, it all depends on your mutual decision. But, I do not advise you to "hover in the clouds", because you must understand that relationships need to be built, which means working and making efforts. Relationships are not only walks by the hand, gentle kisses, enthusiastic words and great sex, they are patience, compliance, forgiveness, sacrifice, that is, love in which a person will not change you. Based on your story, I can say that your relationship remained at the level of falling in love, which did not have time to develop into love, this was prevented by your joint selfishness and lack of maturity. Maturity implies responsibility for your decisions and the person with whom you connect your life. In your case, the motivation was some other thing, for example: the desire for sex, fashionable open relationships, the search for security, the desire to assert oneself, etc. Ekaterina, your young man is still only capable of beautiful words, he has not yet matured for actions and serious decisions regarding you. His friends, lifestyle and entertainment are currently in the first place, and he is interested in relationships with a girl insofar as, most importantly, that these relationships do not strain him. This is the manifestation of selfishness. A man who is ripe for a relationship with a woman is ready to take responsibility for her life, provision and protection. He is ready to give in, to sacrifice his interests, time, because he values his relationship with his beloved woman highly and puts them above relationships with friends or hobbies. Therefore, when you build a relationship with a man, pay attention not to beautiful words, but to the actions that he goes to for you.

It often happens that we ignore ourselves for the sake of another, and it remains bitter in us that our needs have been left in the background. Thinking about it, negative feelings accumulate in us, which at some point will come to the surface. You will say that your partner also makes compromises and this process is two-way. But what happens if at some point you feel that you don't understand enough, and it turns out that most of the compromises are on your side? Of course, this feeling will come sooner or later, because no one can give and receive the same.

As for jealousy? Why is a person jealous and what pushes him to this?

First, self-doubt. You do not like yourself, find fault with your shortcomings all the time, consider other girls more beautiful and smarter. For this reason, it is difficult for you to accept love for yourself, you do not believe that you can be loved and accepted for who you really are. In this case, the partner has to convince you all the time and prove his love, over time, this is annoying and he is forced to abandon such a relationship. You, Catherine, need to learn to accept and love yourself for who you are. It is necessary to develop self-confidence, for example, through art classes: music, painting, dance lessons.

Think about how much better it would be if you approached every sentence of a person with understanding. This will no longer be a compromise for you, but a joint decision taken together, a decision that would be beneficial for both of you. You will no longer think that you are sacrificing for the sake of your relationship, but on the contrary, you will have the conviction that you are doing the right thing. There are, of course, cases where you cannot reach an agreement, then you have nothing to do but accept your differences. Each of you is a person of your own personality.

You wouldn't want your partner to lose weight by losing themselves. Think about whether you want someone who has no opinion of their own and agrees with you about everything. Let your partner do what you like without taking part in them. Take this time for yourself and enjoy. Both of you will be satisfied and this will have a good effect on your relationship.

Secondly, the lack of trust in your man. You seem to believe him, but all the time you suspect something and doubt his sincerity. Sometimes, children observe this type of relationship in the family between their parents, and soon, becoming adults, copying, they transfer it to their relationship with the opposite sex. If there is no trust, then there is no relationship. It is impossible to build them on guilt and empty excuses. It is better then to break off the relationship than to torture yourself and your partner. Trust is the basis of love, it is very fragile, so wisdom is needed to keep it.

If each of you strives for the happiness of the other, not thinking about what he misses and what he deprives, but focuses on getting a positive attitude towards these two, then there is no way for compromise to be what you are. unlikely to reach. Compromises are an important part of our relationship, without them the relationship cannot last long. Do them, but with a clear understanding that this is the best solution for you as a couple. Do not allow yourself to feel bitter and dissatisfied. If it's better to talk about it with the person next to you and say what's bothering you.

Thirdly, selfishness. Egoism demands full attention to itself, and only to itself. Time, entertainment, tender words, etc. should only belong to you. Selfishness blocks the other person's freedom, he is deprived of his own space and he becomes a slave to his partner. Abuse always leads to destruction. To free yourself from selfishness, you need to train yourself in serving others. Patience, pliability, the ability to share, the ability to cover up shortcomings with love, forgiveness and trust are laid in a child from childhood in his own family on the example of his parents. A person must understand that besides him there are other people in this world who also need attention, care, love, forgiveness, etc. You can try to exercise yourself as a volunteer in an orphanage or with disabled children or the elderly. You will feel how good qualities will come in place of egoism, which will help you in life.

Communication is the key to understanding. Think of compromise as something that would make both of you happy. Love is impossible without mutual respect. How much do you understand the meaning of this word and will you be able to give your partner the attitude he deserves? Can you live with someone, see all their flaws on a daily basis, and still respect them?

Mutual respect is one of the basic things that a relationship has. It depends not only on you, but also on your partner. Ask yourself why do you respect the person with you? Think about whether it's just because of his qualities and personal accomplishments, or if it also includes how he treats you. Don't confuse respect with admiration. It's nice to admire him, but not to put him on a pedestal. None of you should look at the other with superiority. It happens that couples are underestimated and underestimated, and even more so in the presence of others.

Most of the letters that they write to me end with the words "help me understand who is a minus and who is a plus", and the letter usually describes an unambiguous minus (pluses are rarely written, except perhaps a minus - a spouse (husband) whom it is a pity to leave).

Below is a typical letter of this kind. A woman describes how a man bluntly and clearly refused a relationship with her, but asks "and who is a plus?" Well, who, who? Who refused, of course, that's a plus.

If this is the case with you, it means that you have a problem that is not minor. Often people get used to this attitude and swallow it without giving it any weight. Let me take a position on the bottom link. The reason may be a lack of self-esteem and a feeling that the other is much more than them.

Realize how valuable you are as a person! To respect you, you must first respect yourself. Defend your principles, love yourself and don't let them downplay you! This is not a gift and is not a bonus to love. You can lose him even if you love him!

Please, when they refuse you, it doesn’t matter how you explain it and how many tears you shed at the same time, what warm words you say, never doubt that there is a plus in front of you. It can be a default (both pluses) if you don’t really need it either, or an imbalance (plus or minus) if you need it.

The minus never leaves the relationship first, on its own. The departure of a minus occasionally happens when before that he was driven for a long time and tortured for a very long time, but you need to torment him tangibly, powerfully, and not just give him something slightly. In ordinary cases, if the minus leaves, it is not a minus. Maybe he was before, maybe not.

Everyday life challenges love. Not always, you or the person next to you will respond in the best and most appropriate way. Sometimes you act impulsively without thinking. Everyone makes mistakes, but that shouldn't be a reason to lose respect for your partner. Accept such moments as a challenge and an opportunity to learn something about yourself and about him. Don't judge or jump to conclusions. Tomorrow you can be in his place. Think about how you can help so you will grow and enrich each other and learn in the future.

Honor your partner and look for him! He is your closest person, and it is important to know what he thinks. Support him no matter the circumstances, and if you don't agree with him, be better than being attacked and humiliating others. Then tell yourself what you think about the situation, but let it happen only between you. So you keep his dignity. Don't criticize him harshly and don't use words you don't want to call yourself! Hold it the way you would like it to be with you! Treat yourself to your personal space and what gives him pleasure in his spare time.

But this outgoing plus can say whatever words you like. Praise, thank, ("loves, misses, cherishes, wants" (c)) and at least he can kiss his feet and shed tears, it depends only on the degree of his compassion and level of anxiety.

Below, pay attention to the main mistakes of a woman. She wrote regular unanswered SMS (to be sure of her), although the person pulled away himself (why would he need confidence? Doubts would help his feelings, on the contrary). She was looking for contact. Demanded specifics in the conversation. Asked for sex, agreeing to friendship. This is the path to the deepest minus. That is, while the plus still says "oh, of course, I want sex, but out of friendship", that is, it treats the minus well, then he will say "get rid of me already" with irritation.

Don't hide it and don't think that all the time is wasting it on you. Do not allow foreign interference in your relationship. Share with friends, but set a limit, let your intimate world remain yours alone. Remember, when a person likes to be vulnerable and reveals their most intimate secrets, keep them safe!

All this builds respect and trust between you. Be the person who deserves to receive them, and there's no way your partner won't reject the same. If you still don't get the respect you need, you'd better break up! Find someone who will appreciate you as a person and won't ignore you because of your own uncertainty. Remember that in order to have a long and happy relationship, you first need to look at yourself. You resolve your problems there, you will be able to overcome problems in your relationship.

Please do not confuse the adjustment from below with Demyan's ear! Adjustment from below - to give what they want, which is definitely pleasant, and to give in order to raise their own price and further it is necessary (!) to distance themselves if there are no changes in relations. A week of tuning is already a lot! But even then you can’t feed demyan’s ear. That is, a person showed that he wants distance, especially if he directly said, so he doesn’t need to write “good night, dear” and “good morning, my dear” is not necessary. It's an ear! Demyanov. Your minus is growing by leaps and bounds from every spoon. Adjustment from below is done only on the most desirable and comfortable conditions for a person. Therefore, if a person has already (!) Escaped, you can’t adapt to him in any way. You don't need to take it out. You can adjust only while you are together, while he has some needs, when he is obviously interested in something. Then you can adjust a little, only beautifully, and not pathetically, but then be sure to distance yourself so that he can see the difference (!). Changes in imbalance do not occur during adjustment, but only at the stage of realizing the difference, and for this you need to move away. But in this situation (below), nothing of the kind could be. No adjustment, because the person asked for distance. And if plus asks - it is necessary to execute. Exactly or more. He asks for a distance - you need to give a distance plus a little more. Then you can still return something, if not imposed.

The benefit for the minus is modesty, the understanding that if they don’t want it, they don’t want it, maybe they will want it later, but there’s no need to get it. Modest people are almost never minuses, and if they suddenly turn out to be, they immediately equalize the balance, because they modestly leave if they were asked or even hinted at.

And sex for friendship, especially asked for from a minus, after a relationship, is self-drowning in a dead place. Never do this. Especially if you are a woman. There is nothing more dangerous for your self-esteem, and most importantly, your minus will definitely grow. Do not beg for sex, especially friendship sex.

You can add the rest yourself, there are many points. Just a request - do not contact the author with advice. The author of the letter writes to me, not to the community. And you, too, write your thoughts to me. What do you think, what did you notice, what ideas. Well, be gentle, please. It is clear that in an imbalance everything is seen as distorted, everything seems different, it is worth talking about it, but with respect. Each of us in imbalance is exactly the same. The task is not to get there or get out quickly. And to get out, you need to try to look "from the side."

Text of the letter:

"Hi, Evolution.

I've been reading you for almost a year now, I learned a lot of important things for myself. Thank you.
but in this situation - vitally important for me - I got confused.
love very much. and I want to save the whole situation. act not only in their own interests, but also his. I want to create harmonious relationships first, and then a family. Now the man does not look happy, but when he sees me, he begins to shine and rejoice quite noticeably.

if you have the opportunity, time, strength and desire - I will be very grateful to you.
if not, sorry to bother you.
________________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________ ___________

the male. 27 years.
decent, kind and good - let's accept it as a fact. industrious. hyper liability.
survived a year and a half ago a severe break in relations, betrayal and betrayal by a woman.

female. 29 years.
history - severe rupture, depression 12 years. treatment in the department of psychotherapy - successful. restored self-esteem. more or less stable. there was a partial frustration to the relationship in principle.

after meeting - active, bright courtship, care, demonstration of serious intentions. introduced me to my best friends. with parents. beamed and happy.
on the part of the woman - not a very even attitude, but bright love and trust. there were some doubts, but they passed. there was a fear of loss. but controlled. without tantrums and scandals.
everything was fine. it was going to bed. relationships were clearly marked - together. Twice he started talking about living together.

Then he had a crisis - an internal one. said that it happens. that you need to be alone, everything will pass and be fine.
it dragged on for a long time. hardly called.
the woman, for her part - trying to support - wrote all sorts of SMS without counting on an answer. consciously made such a choice that he would be confident in her.

at the same time, his best friend gets married and invites a woman to the wedding as a photographer for half a day and a guest for a banquet. very calling. it was the man who first introduced her to her, since she is a very close and old friend. the wedding is being prepared together, a lot of the woman helps her friend. girlfriend keeps the man in the know (it turned out later).

at the wedding, the situation is not clarified. Both the man and the woman do not show specific feelings. a woman for a reason - was nervous and worried a lot.
but a man constantly publicly emphasizes the importance of a woman - mentioning all sorts of moments from the past in a conversation with strangers, and directly says that a woman is very significant - that only she can calm him down and only she can, that without her the wedding would not be so good (without her investments in the sense). allows (happily) to stroke him and calm him down when he was no longer sober and turned on from talking about topics that concern him. at parting - climbed to kiss. (blamed for alcohol)

called the next day. the conversation didn't go well. the woman asked for specifics, the man said she would talk about it later.
during the month they sometimes corresponded - at the initiative of a woman. there was no clarity.

throughout the time apart (almost a year) - when the man called - he emphasized the significance, the importance of support, the importance of the woman herself, shared the innermost - which he had never shared with anyone at all. felt affection and desire to communicate. but not strong enough. did not use pronouns like /my/. but he was kind, considerate, worried. initiated a meeting that fell through through no fault of his own.

a month after the wedding, he decided to have a serious conversation. was very emotional, very worried.
in fact, he said the following - I love him very much (specially specified - as a person or as a woman) - there was no limit to the indignation - of course, as a woman, how else.
very important, happy that there is in his life, he does not want to lose for anything. was wildly in love, so / the roof tore /.
but the relationship is no more. I want to communicate, see each other and so on - but as friends.
the reason is too much attention from a woman, too many good words and all in the same spirit.

Instead of scandal, tears and hysteria, the woman calmly, though agitated, talked and asked questions. to find out if he wants her - she asked for help in terms of sex - like she really wants / which is true /, but she can’t start an affair, a lover, a random man - because she gets used to it for a long time, but doesn’t want to without trust and love. and he really wants it.
I was very happy, but surprised. accepted with enthusiasm. said that the next day off is yours. but emphasized that all this is within the framework of friendship. the woman confirmed - flies separately, cutlets separately.
hence the conclusion is drawn - what he wants.

loves. bored. wants sex. wants to chat. cherishes.
but in plain text he said what was the mistake - he asked not to do this anymore. But he also said that there would never be a relationship again.
the feeling is that he said on purpose - that he would stop. and gave him the opportunity to take the initiative.
confessed his love - for the first time. at parting.
several times he emphasized that there is no other woman and is not expected, it’s good for one, although not against relationships in general.
categorically against the wording that the woman spoiled something. Pryao says so - you did not spoil anything.

on the part of a woman - self-esteem has grown over this year, a sense of self-worth too. there was confidence in their attractiveness - and objectively there were many fans, and so on. confidence, self-sufficiency and independence appeared. There is a dependence, but not a strong one. I never felt like crying or anything. On the contrary, I feel confident both in him and in myself. the feeling that everything is fine and everything / goes according to plan / as it should - on an intuitive level.
love was preserved and turned into an even, stable feeling. with an assessment of the known qualities of the partner and the prospects for the development of relations.
the fear of being rejected because of the scars (after burns) disappeared completely. development of creative projects - painting, illustration, photography, and serious professional successes appeared.
the man devoted all this time to work, career, development of internal spiritual aspects. Well, I talked to my friends. there were no women (he says that he didn’t have sex either, but this is disingenuous, I think. Rather, he said jokingly, she didn’t ask).

I'm trying to figure out who's minus/plus.
the understanding came that she gave a person not what he needed.

Now I plan to do nothing (naturally, since I have already indicated directly), to act from the position that everything is already lost.
maintain relationships and intimacy - let them speak out, show themselves on the other side, independent and confident - since I have become like that. distance somewhat. but to give sex - if possible (in terms of technology) excellent. in terms of emotions - liberated, joyful, bright. look at it all for a couple of three months.
yes, to transfer the initiative completely into his hands. he also loves to help very much - directly with joy and delight - to give him this opportunity, to gently ask, but not insist - no, no, no. start with the simplest and smallest.

but do not talk about feelings, do not demonstrate, but do not / cool down /, do not drive away. but also show no initiative.

then - depending on the situation - or stop and sex communication and all. or continue in the same spirit, if the relationship begins to develop"

don't really want to? if they love, then everything else is the little things in life ..

I think there are many reasons for this

how do I feel now ... fine .. everything that is not done for the better ... and this is verified ...

constancy-monotonity is also sometimes boring

I will help my heart and myself.
if I perfectly understand with my mind that I can’t be with this person ... then I need to look for another happiness .. I need to try something, move from a dead center ... :)
in the end, what is a person with my love .. and I myself will suffer ... although of course these torments are also beautiful, but only up to a certain period.

Well, it’s not always possible for him to answer your SMS, he can have his own affairs. Just when you both have time, go for a walk. This is where it all starts.

audition:DDDDDDDDDD and the hell did everyone run away?

You don't love him if you like someone else. I fell out of love, but the fact that you still feel for him is a habit. You're used to having him around all the time, and that's okay. In my opinion, the relationship with the first guy does not make sense. Then it will only hurt more to leave.

Although ... There is a second option. Forget about everyone around you and stay true to him. Throw away all thoughts of other guys.

In general, what is closer to you, then choose.

It happens that it is so hard for women to accept the truth that their partner does not love them, that they even refuse to understand it by obvious signs.

At the same time, they are constantly looking for signs of love and, if they do not find it, they invent it. The sooner you take off your rose-colored glasses and realize that love is gone or it didn’t exist, the sooner you will be happy in love, if not with this man, then with another. But for this you need to look not for signs of love, but to soberly look at the signs of dislike.

So, your man does not love you if:

He talks about it directly or indirectly. A man can tell you: “Just don’t fall in love with me,” and this means that he himself is not in love and does not plan to burn with feelings for you. He can also say that he has already fallen out of love with his own and will not be able to love. He can say: "I have the most tender feelings for you." This is not all about love, and do not even hope that it will ever appear. If you love him and it is important for you that love is mutual, leave him.

He is cheating on you. Most men in relationships with the woman they love are monogamous. He has no need to change if he loves. He does not even look at others, because among others there is no second such beloved. There are men who are addicted to sex, it is important for them to get sex from different women. However, they can love one. But such men, firstly, are few, and secondly, they often speak directly about their love for many women and even immediately offer an open relationship in which both partners could have relationships on the side. Then it's up to you to decide whether you need the love of such a man. If your loved one convinces you that all men are polygamous, do not try to convince him. Go away, he doesn't love you.

Your relationship has been going on for about six months, but still has not moved from the sex-only format to the format of a relationship without obligations. Often women think that they are in a relationship, while for him it's just sex. Even if you meet not only for sex, but regularly go to movies and restaurants with him, on his part it can only be a relationship without obligations. Has he declared his love to you yet? Didn't want to live with you? Doesn't introduce you to your children from a previous marriage and doesn't try to get to know yours? If you are not satisfied with a sex-only relationship, leave it.

Treats you carelessly. Your man may tell you how much he loves you, but he doesn't care about your safety when you have anal sex. Or maybe say something offensive about your favorite job. Or talks to you about other women, especially if you are not compared to them in your favor. Or, after you said that some of his actions are very unpleasant for you, he continues to do this, saying: “Sorry, well, I’m such a beast, you can’t change me anymore. But I love you!” He does not like, do not console yourself with illusions.

Doesn't call you. If a man does not call you when he goes on a business trip, does not find time during the day to call you to wish "good morning" or "good night", or inquire about your well-being when you report that you are unwell, do not justify him forgetfulness of busyness. A loving man, even when busy, does not forget to call.

Doesn't keep promises. If he promised to do something for you and didn't do it, then it doesn't matter to him. You should not justify this deception and believe that he is busy, forgot or does not have the opportunity. If he regularly forgets or does not have the opportunity, then he simply does not like you very much. Break up with a man for whom you are not so valuable as to turn your words into actions.

Not trying to make your life easier. A man who loves does not even need to ask for help, he will offer it himself, as soon as you hint at some problem. To love is a verb. A person who loves may not talk about love, but his actions speak about his true feelings. A loving man will definitely help you in everyday matters, and with money, and in work, and in raising your children.

He does not propose to you, although he knows that you want to marry him. If a man says to all your hints that the stamp in the passport is not the main thing, although you have been living together for several years, leave him. Even if he loved you at the beginning of the relationship, now his love has faded, and he is kept with you by habit.

Doesn't have sex with you. If your man is not eager to see you without underwear on a regular basis, it does not matter at all whether work eats up all his energy, or whether it is seasonal for him, or he has become more interested in computer games. If he loved you, he would somehow deal with this problem. And he just doesn't love you the way he used to. There are men who love and want their women for years. This, of course, is a great merit of women who are able to maintain the fire of love in a relationship. But if the fire of love begins to die down, the first thing that usually goes out is the need for a man to have sex with his partner.

He is not your man. If you are in a love triangle, a man is married and does not leave his wife, do not believe in his love. He doesn't love you enough to sacrifice his comfort. Go away.