Home Perennial flowers Divorce after 2 years of marriage. Remarriage after divorce, about couples who break up and then converge again. What can divorce lead to after a long life together

Perennial flowers

Divorce after 2 years of marriage. Remarriage after divorce, about couples who break up and then converge again. What can divorce lead to after a long life together

Hello Saule
I carefully read your letter and propose to build our dialogue with answers to key phrases from the letter:

We live with his parents (I love them), the child is mainly on his mother. We are working.

You have been married for 3 years and have a child. At the same time, your husband's parents are completely watching over your child, but you are completely fixated on making money. I wanted to ask you a question - ah Why do you need a child? This is a serious question and from how you answer and it will be clear (to you, in the first place) why it is not you and your husband who are raising the baby, but the parents. Actually, it should be completely different - child mostly on you, and apashki and attackers only help you sometimes to look after him. This is, of course, a separate topic for consideration and you especially ( while) is not considered.

He is not engaged in self-development and does not try to earn more

Tell me, how much did you know your husband before you got married? I am under the impression that you did not marry a specific person, but some Image, which have come up with themselves about it. If your goal in marriage was secured financially stable position, then, accordingly, you should have chosen just such a man for yourself. Everyone has their own priorities in the family - someone has Love, someone has children, and someone has material well-being, and this is normal. But...... the fact is that a partner in marriage must also be selected according to your request, and not according to the principle - "I want a rich and purposeful, and you must become so." Your husband is Other! The sooner you understand this, the better, for everyone.

Spends all his free time and not only watching unnecessary video jokes and movies, gets up late, quit reading namaz

Why did you decide that he Spends all free time? If you do not like how he spends his leisure time, this does not mean that the other is this time - Spends. His Like watch exactly these videos, exactly these films and he has the right to change his attitude to namaz... Maybe he decided that he was not bothering him in any way Believe in Allah, the fact that he does not read namaz. Maybe all the same it's more honest not to read namaz without desire than to continue it automatically to make everyone think that he is Believer. Every person have their own preferences and they do not have to coincide with yours, the same is the same in the opposite direction - what you like may well not like your husband, and nevertheless, he can't dictate to you their conditions or their requirements.

I understand that I cannot put up with this, because I may make money for everything myself, but I'll just drink it and stop respecting it, and in the end we'll get divorced

If I understand you correctly, you have respect to a man only to the one who earns a lot? Not enough for you to respect that he does it work? You kinda like Eastern woman and you yourself believer, judging by the fact that write that the husband threw namaz. Tell- the way you behave - scold your husband, make claims to him, demand some kind of self-development, which, in your understanding, only concerns making money, saw it- this can all be the behavior of a Muslim wife? Your regulations how does it only work one way- husband Should to be ideal with you, to earn a lot, not to watch unnecessary (in your opinion) programs and at the same time not have the right to quit namaz. You can behave as you want and not adhere to those instructions that are for believing women in Islam. This is true?

Not long ago we agreed on the last chance and a probationary period for 3 months, but almost immediately everything continues according to the old scheme (well, it does a little more)

You just recently Deal about some last chance (apparently your condition again) and at the same time, even if there are already some changes (it does a little more) you are not happy with it anyway. Do you want him, Adult man, with his habits and skills, took and was reborn into another person in a short time just because you gave him one last chance? Your requirements are too high and tough.

what is it, maybe it's me?

If you are still ready to see your mistakes, then this already gives hope that you will avoid divorce and save your family. The point is that you require from husband become a different person. A person who only wants to change can change. understand for yourself what is it to him you need it yourself and what it is beneficial for him. As long as you demand this and at the same time reproach him for his failure, it is unlikely that he will ever change at all. Quicker vice versa- all your quarrels and unpleasant words that he hears from you, his work makes him even more unpleasant. Simply put, you work connected with negative coloration, which means when he talks about work or hears about it, it will immediately be perceived by him as something unpleasant.

What should I read?

There is a lot of good literature on sale, I can recommend you the book by Virginia Satir "How to build yourself and your family."

A personal meeting with a psychologist is more effective and will help to consider your situation much deeper, respectively, and the result of such work will be higher. You will be able to see your relationship as if from the outside and this will help you remove your erroneous expectations and accept Reality, with which you will already know what to do next.

Or get divorced

If your main priority in a relationship with your husband is Money and their number, then -You can get a divorce. Good luck.

Bekezhanova Botagoz Iskrakyzy, psychologist of Astana

Good answer 5 Bad answer 2

Why did you get divorced after, for example, after 5 years of marriage? My marriage broke up after 2, they didn't agree. He worked little and had a lot of rest with friends. Why do the spouses part after a long period of time? Are the main flaws visible almost immediately or did something appear later?

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I have the same as the commentator above 🙂

Well, because of sex, I would definitely not get divorced, I don't need sex. But if I stopped making good money and adequately supporting me, then yes, I would get divorced, well, what kind of life in poverty? Well, or if you began to raise your hand, this is also unacceptable.

I'm tired of it. Husband tired, tired of everyday life, every day, like groundhog day. Prepare, take away, endure your husband's bad mood and live according to the principle of must-must-must. And so for 17 years. I got divorced and live for myself, I want to cook, I want to go to a restaurant, I want to clean, I want not, at any time you can meet with your friends, or leave for the weekend and no one is above your heart. I've been living for 6 years now and I'm not overjoyed, but as I imagine that I would stay with my husband, it's just frost on the skin ((

because of treason. divorced after 7 years of marriage having two small children in her arms. The youngest was an infant. Having divorced, I stopped all communication with him and I don’t give children

Old lady you at least someone *****?

Yes, where can you get to from you?))

well, doo ra. because of their insults, only not smart ladies can deprive them of communication with their father. can be seen from this and your ex was walking)

you can pick it up and take it for yourself. It's not a pity.
My children do not consider him a father because he betrayed them. He did not study and did not pay alimony. They were fully supported by me and my family until I remarried. It happens.
But you always want to condemn a woman because in Russia there is a cult of men and it is customary to condemn and belittle women.

Old lady you at least someone *****?

This is no longer your business. Sex is more problematic for men, women are more worried)) But to cook-wash-clean-endure an unhappy husband is really not worth it just for the sake of someone ******
Did the right thing to get divorced.

the guest
I'm tired of it. Husband tired, tired of everyday life, every day, like groundhog day. Prepare, take away, endure your husband's bad mood and live according to the principle of must-must-must. And so for 17 years. I got divorced and live for myself, I want to cook, I want to go to a restaurant, I want to clean, I want not, at any time you can meet with your friends, or leave for the weekend and no one is above your heart. I've been living for 6 years now and I'm not overjoyed, but as I imagine that I would stay with my husband, it's just frost on the skin ((
Made a mess. Where does the money for the restaurant come from? And how to go there in holey tights, without money?

Long gone is the time when women were so provided with their husbands)))) what holey tights! These are men now completely with holey pockets.

My children do not consider him a father because he betrayed them. He did not study and did not pay alimony. They were fully supported by me and my family until I remarried. It happens.
But you always want to condemn a woman because in Russia there is a cult of men and it is customary to condemn and belittle women.
so you have a cult. otherwise why did you give birth to 2 ***** children from such a person.

I gave birth because it worked out. I couldn't have an abortion.

You can pick up and take away for yourself. D is not a pity.
My children do not consider him a father because he betrayed them. He did not study and did not pay alimony. They were fully supported by me and my family until I remarried. It happens.
But you always want to condemn a woman because in Russia there is a cult of men and it is customary to condemn and belittle women.
so you have a cult. otherwise why did you give birth to 2 ***** children from such a person.

What do you know about my life? Do you think I wanted to give birth purposefully from him? No, I just had one son who was desired and beloved.
And what kind of “husband” the person was, I knew and therefore did not want more children from him.
The second child was unwanted. However, I accepted him and gave my love and warmth. That means such a fate. I do not regret him.

I divorced after 8 years, and a fool that I wasted time not earlier. I had a worthless person, irresponsible. I got into an accident, the passenger was killed. It was as if my eyes opened, immediately left. Here we women are fools, it was a pity to leave him, I write myself and I myself am amazed at how foolish I was. But I’m still bad for my mother-in-law, this is how girls are.

not divorced for another 6 years together - the husband does not let go, well, and there is a baby in his arms, there is almost no sex, and I don’t want to because of the eternal scandals

A happy and fortunate person does not leave such comments.

Because my husband became like a brother to me, I did not perceive him as a man, I did not want sex with him, but what a life without sex, only a divorce.

And I wouldn't get divorced just because of sex. I think in this regard it is easier to establish than in other areas.

divorced after 7 years because she grew wiser. I got married at 21, love is a carrot. Then for several years I listened to a bunch of beautiful words, how he will do it for me, then he will do it, he will correct himself, here. She was young, she did not understand that life goes on only in these empty promises. At 28 I woke up, stretched, thought "well, f and g" and left. There were no children

I think this is often the case with early marriages. At 20 and 30, people look at the world differently.

Divorced after 20 years. I realized that I am a typical victim of emotional domestic violence. Why did I understand so late? because in childhood she was such a victim, only mama and papa tyrannized. And when it is written in the subcortex that you owe everyone, then the husband comes across as appropriate.
When it all came to me, I broke up with both my parental family and my husband.
It is a pity that not earlier, but I know women who do not receive their sight before old age. So I'm still lucky)))))

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Divorce after 2.5 years of marriage.

Hello. I'll start a story.
November 2013. I'm 22, just graduated from university, I work. She is 18 years old, a 1st year student.
I play in a local rock band, which is also my main circle of friends. Acquaintance through social network; invitation to a concert.
Her excitement, next dates, great relationship, great sex, and so on.

Summer 2014. The military conflict in the east of Ukraine; we grab things and leave for the central one. We begin to live together and work together.

November 2014. Confusion in the economy. At the invitation of my parents, we are leaving for the Russian Federation, the Urals. We register our relationship, in the circle of loved ones; without tinsel. And without a single grain of doubt.

June 2015. Until this period we live with my parents; we make documents; I make my way through work and so on. Her work is temporary, because without education. Due to the difficulty with work, we are leaving for the Crimea.

July 2015. We arrived in Crimea. I immediately find a job in the profile; we live with her parents. Enters college as a hairdresser; I start looking for options for acquiring real estate for a family; for services in my specialty I receive a land plot in the suburbs.

July 2016. We move to a rented apartment and start living together. Due to the difficulties with the documents, I work alone (it was easier for me to draw up them). She sits at home, "watches over the hearth." I already forgot about music / rock parties; since family and goals are completely different. That's how we live.

May 2017. And here is the end. I stayed in the city to work; and she went with her parents home to visit relatives. There I went for a walk to that company; where we walked back in 2013. They continued their musical activity - and invited her to rehearsals / concerts.

The result - she fell in love with my "friend" from this company. 27 years (I knew him for 8 years); twice kicked out of the university; out of employment; with an attempted suicide. But a romantic. Poems, songs, walks under the moon. The image of a knight who conquers a beautiful lady. That was enough for her. He says that they just walked and kissed passionately.

She came first; evening together passionate sex after returning.
On the next day they tell me; what can be taken into the army. Her words - "I can't wait for you." First the shock, then her tears and the words that I am a fool and do not understand anything. And the next day I laid out everything about my friend.

And now I have been "existing" for 3 weeks already. At first I was ready to forgive her at her request (she promised to forget everything and cut off contacts), but the very next day, lying next to me, she wrote to him that she was bored and wanted a thousand more kisses like that.

A week ago filed for divorce. She said that she did not like and did not want to torture. She collected her things, now she lives with her parents. Preparing to go to him (he is waiting); to my words to him, "buddy, how could you do that?" - said that he would have allowed him to stuff his face, but he did not regret anything and wanted to be with her.
Has hatched plans for a divorce since March (according to her); when, upon returning from a drunken bachelorette party, I heard a compliment from the driver; and thought that "deserves the best." At the same time, she told all her friends and relatives (AND ME) how happy she was in marriage and what a golden husband she had.

To return? No. I cannot live with a person, knowing that he is capable of such a thing.
I am suffering. The third week, day after day, it covers me. I no longer believe in girls' ability to love and be faithful.
See her. An absolutely happy person. Doesn't consider it a mistake; did it "by accident", with love "she can do nothing. My plans are to work and move to another city forever.

I ask for support; communicating with people makes it easier

Nine signs a marriage will be short-lived

At the wedding, everyone shouts "Bitter!" A boy and another boy. How they will always wake up next to.

Who is thinking about divorce at a time like this?

But scientists, psychologists and economists always think about divorce. They even compiled a list of dangerous calls that indicate that the husband and wife will part ways in the near future. And it's not about bad omens at all when the bride dropped the ring. No black cats or empty buckets. Only statistics and cold calculations.

1. Quarrels over money

Loans, mortgages, perennial debts are the main reasons for quarrels. And the fact that one of the spouses is a spender increases the likelihood of divorce by 45 percent. According to a study by the Max Planck Institute for Demography in Germany, women who earn well get divorced much more often than those who earn less than their husbands. According to psychologists, financial independence gives a woman the opportunity not to make compromises, not to put up with her husband's quirks, but to leave immediately.

2. One smokes and the other does not

Statistics are for common values and even common bad habits. If only one of the spouses smokes in the family, this increases the likelihood of divorce by 75 percent.

3. Lived in a civil marriage

Living together before marriage seems to be beneficial. Training, rehearsal - "can we?" But psychologists talk about the opposite effect. Civil marriage increases the likelihood of divorce by 12 percent.

(Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt lived together for more than 10 years before the wedding. And yet the children insisted on the wedding, demanded a beautiful veil for their mother and a big cake. And now, after a couple of years, they get divorced.)

4. The wife dances, the husband pours

Psychologists and sociologists went through the list of professions and found that the largest number of divorces is in the families of dancers and choreographers (43 percent of cases), bartenders get divorced in 38 percent of cases, and doctors, nurses and psychiatrists - in 29 percent of cases.

(J.Lo, of course, dances beautifully (especially with Richard Gere), but she divorced the father of her children, Mark Anthony, after 7 years of marriage, and Ben Affleck was given a turn from the gate.)

5. She's older

The probability of divorce increases by 53 percent if the wife is older than her husband, sociologists from the Australian National University are sure, even if the age difference is only 3 years. By the way, according to Nicholas Wolfinger, a psychologist who researched the ideal age for marriage, you need to play a wedding when you are between 25 and 32 years old.

(Madonna is 10 years older than her ex-husband Guy Ritchie. Their marriage ended in divorce after 7 years, but this did not discourage Madonna from meeting young men.)

6. Pin up each other

Renowned researcher at the University of Washington, John Gottman, is confident that predicting the future of spouses can be up to 93% accurate if you just listen to how they communicate. It is a good sign if a husband and wife stand up for each other and criticize each other only on occasion and very tactfully. But Gottman is convinced that a single nasty emotion can ruin everything. This is contempt. Those who consider themselves smarter, taller, stronger than their spouse, those who allow themselves to insult to pin up, sarcastically scoff, are ruining their marriage. In general, sarcasm is killing marriage, so let's not joke around.

7. Married too soon or too late

Yes, Shakespeare would agree that "there is no sadder story in the world" than a teen wedding in spite of their parents. Saying your yes at the altar before age 20 means increasing your chances of divorce. But getting married as adults for the first time is also dangerous. Statistics have shown that those who marry after age 32 increase the likelihood of divorce by 5 percent with each single year. It becomes more and more difficult for loners to let someone else into their well-established and comfortable life.

8. Raising two daughters

In families with children, divorce is not uncommon. But Columbia University economist Christine Mammen estimates that husband and wife who are raising two daughters are getting divorced 43 percent of the time. With sons - 37 percent. Family consultant, also a participant in the study, Stephanie Kunz believes that fathers are more involved in family life, devote more time and attention to the home if raising sons.

9. Parents broke up

If you are a child of divorce, then the chance to survive the separation from your spouse yourself increases by 40 percent (Nicholas Wolfinger wrote a big report about this).

If your parents have divorced more than once, then your chances of repeating a difficult scenario increase to 91 percent. By the way, according to psychologists, people who in childhood survived the divorce of their parents, most often choose companions in misfortune for themselves as companions in life, those who also faced the divorce of mom and dad.

(Since childhood, Tom Cruise saw his parents quarrel. When Tom was 12 years old, his parents divorced. The actor healed according to the script. Two divorces and constant parting with the best women in the world.)

This happiness is yours and mine

We didn’t write all this at all for you to read and go to the newspaper to clean the fish. We want you to think about each point. Wasn't I too vicious when my wife bought the Louboutins? Isn't it time for us to write down the family budget? I urgently quit smoking, because my husband does not smoke. Why did the husband quit his job at the bank and left as a bartender? So, so, we got married at 33, we need to be more attentive to each other, otherwise there are risks, risks. You know, you can learn a lot from the mistakes of others and the research of scientists!

A practical forum about true love

Divorce after 12 years of marriage.

Moved from "Help bring back or get over the breakup" Teri-cat

I am 33 years old, my husband 35, married 12 years old, two children - 5 and 11 years old.
I never thought it would turn out this way. Everyone always envied us - they talked, you have such a strong family, everything was almost perfect. First, a year after the wedding, a son was born, 5 years later a daughter was born. There were many plans for the future. The husband was always considered even unsociable towards other women, and he had almost no friends, everyone started families. We have gone through a lot during these 12 years - both good and bad, but always together.
and so. since the new year, problems in sex began - I want, he - no (((He said that he was tired, that there were problems at work (he works a lot for almost 12 hours a day). I jokingly asked - you probably got yourself a girlfriend? He just waved it off.
Once, after another "bummer" I asked him, tell me honestly, what's going on? I'm not a fool, I feel that something is happening, you'd better tell me everything honestly. He said - you will be offended. I’m better offended, but I’ll know the truth, I don’t satisfy you as a woman? He - yes.
It struck me like an electric shock, even now I am writing, it still rolls over me.
In general, he admitted that he has one with whom "he just communicates and which he fell in love." She asked - from work?

He said that he needed to live separately. I was in shock. the world turned over in an instant. it is probably impossible to say what I felt. I have never felt such pain. I thought I was going to die and wanted this, so as not to feel such pain.

A month has passed since that moment. He wanted to rent an apartment, but he didn’t have enough money. Now he lives with his mother, but he meets her every day. I wrote all the property to my daughter.
I found out about her. She is 23 years old, works with him, came in last December and lives with her parents.
At first I had tantrums, I almost begged on my knees to stay, to live at least as neighbors for the sake of the children. He said that it would be better to leave. A few days later I lost consciousness twice, had respiratory arrest, barely pumped out, lost 6 kg ( although this makes me very happy, although I'm not a donkey far away)
All his acquaintances, friends, colleagues from work very much condemned him, saying that you are a girl and that it’s not good for me, that it’s not for long.
Of course, it's still very hard for me. Yesterday he said that he would soon leave for another city forever.
My daughter is very worried.
I thought for a long time about how I would behave if he returned. At first I thought I would accept it, but now I think that probably not.
He betrayed me. He said that his life was the same every day. And when I got a job in several jobs to pay all his debts, I bought a vegetable garden to improve the health of my children, when I saved myself each. a penny - it turns out that nobody needed it.
I have had situations in my life when other men became closer and dearer to me than my husband (in terms of communication), but I NEVER thought about leaving the family, because I have always put family, children and husband above all else.
He didn't want to fight for feelings - he just decided to leave, it's easier that way.
I don’t even know what I want to hear in response. words of support.
I will try to be strong - I lost myself in this marriage, giving all of myself as a mother and wife. And as a WOMAN, I apparently did not take place. Therefore, I don’t want such a relationship anymore. will build a new life.
Thanks to everyone who read me)))
I will answer whenever possible.
I am trying to start life again, this week I will go to psycho-training courses.

The author, what can I tell you?) First of all, you are great! Well done, that they decided to pull themselves out and decided to go to the courses. Great!

KaterinaT wrote: The author, what can I say to you?) First, you are great! Well done, that they decided to pull themselves out and decided to go to the courses. Great!
Secondly, well done, that you saw your mistakes. Also good. You cannot dissolve in another person. Only one BUT - don't let yourself down as a woman. The presence of a mistress does not lower YOU as a woman. Your husband decided to solve all family difficulties on the side. His right, his choice. Why should you lower yourself because of his words?
If someone in marriage is NOT satisfied with something, then this should be decided in the marriage, and not outside of it. And moreover - everything can be solved if desired.

Why did you pay so much? And the site and other expenses? And husband?

Thanks a lot. you know, I'm sure that everything will be fine with me. not right away. time will pass and everything will work out and I will be even happier.
I will try very hard.

What can divorce lead to after a long life together

Men:

1. Most men are not very worried about divorce, because they so dreamed of becoming free again and relieving themselves of responsibility for their family and children. In addition, they wanted to meet a better, younger woman who would not get bored as quickly as his wife, and these men realize their fantasies and dreams with her. They believe that family life interfered with the fulfillment of fantasies. Two years “at large” lead them to believe that the family is still better, therefore, during the first two years these men marry again (some, however, on their ex-wives), but over the years they begin to understand that the first wife was better than the second, although they do not regret the divorce.

2. What does divorce after a long life together lead to another, smaller category of men? They enjoy freedom, change partners, do not marry for a long time, at the same time, without realizing, they lose the best years of their lives, and by the age of 50 they suddenly wake up in a craving for family life, and the choice of partners is already small, and he himself has lost the “commodity view". This category of men, if there is material wealth, finds themselves a young wife to the envy of friends and ex-wife. But this “diamond of youth, beauty and freshness requires a good cut, that is, large cash expenditures, there is no time for a strong family, to create an appearance of it for friends and acquaintances, plus the eternal fear of betrayal. And those men who do not have material wealth are content with what came to hand, because sexual activity was wasted on casual partners who demanded large (in comparison with the wife) emotional, physical, psychological and sexual costs; hopes for a "free life" did not come true, and in a difficult life situation there was no support, for a man it is a disaster, so this man understands that the first marriage was better than the second.

3. There is a third category of men, whose divorce leads to severe depression, alcoholism, a strong feeling of loneliness, confusion, loss of interest in work and in life in general. Responsibility for the former family, which they abandoned, has grown into responsibility for themselves, and not every man can cope with this. In this situation, you cannot do without a psychotherapist. Family life for this category of men again becomes that happy island where he would like to return, but it is often too late, therefore inexorable statistics determine the average age of men 58 years old (although there are, of course, many different reasons for early death, but one of them, certainly a divorce).

Women:

1. Divorce for the overwhelming majority of women is a tragedy that is accompanied by deep depression. Thoughts about “why live now”, “for whom to live now”, very often lead a woman to a decision to end this meaningless life, so many of them end up in a hospital bed, this is at best, after which they understand that life goes on, you need to raise children or start building a new family.

2. After a divorce, a woman will almost never be serenely happy and calm, even if she has a second marriage, because there remains the fear of losing this husband or fear for the relationship of the stepfather with her child from the first marriage. Unfortunately, a second marriage for a woman is not always better than the first, although there are exceptions.

3. Long family life, in the course of which people are called "grown" to each other both psychologically and biologically: they have common joys and common troubles, common friends and relatives, of course, children - suddenly breaks apart. The depth of this wound is so great (especially for women) that even with the help of psychotherapists it is difficult to heal it, and the “scars” will remain in the soul of the person who did not want a divorce until the end of his life.

www.allwomens.ru

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According to Rostov wedding photographer Oleg Roy, he and his colleagues have recently begun to demand from the bride and groom.

- Before you have time to process the pictures from the wedding, yesterday's newlyweds declare that they have already filed for divorce, and they refuse to pay for the shooting, - says Oleg.

Quick marriages are also confirmed by statistics: 64.5% of couples file for divorce in the first year of life. Moreover, the initiators in 70% of cases are young wives. Our heroine is one of those women. But unlike many, she admits that she herself made many mistakes, because of which her family life did not work out.

Lumpy first marriage

At the age of 26, Irina Butenko managed to get married twice. But with none of her husbands, the Rostov woman did not celebrate the anniversary of their life together.

- Ira, it is known that the first year of living together for many lovers is not easy. But what becomes the reason for divorce?

- When they ask me why my marriages broke up before I could really start, I remember the parable about the sage who divorced his wife. The neighbors condemned him and appealed to the voice of reason: they say, why does this worthy woman not suit you? In response, he took off his shoes and asked: “Does my shoe look bad? But how many knows where he is shaking my leg? " So every time I found some reason for a divorce. I met my first love on the embankment. We ended up in the same company and by the end of the evening did not leave each other. All the dates seemed to us a continuous holiday. A year later, Igor proposed to me. However, we began to talk about the wedding almost immediately, but he had to finish his studies and save up money for the celebration. I remember listening to the congratulations of the registry office employee, I could hardly hold back tears of happiness. It seemed that true love united us forever.

- But after five months you divorced.

- Yes, they did not pass the test with an empty refrigerator. Igor, after graduating from the institute, could not find a job in his specialty. He refused to go somewhere to earn extra money.

"I shouldn't have plowed for honors for so many years!" - he was indignant every time I started talking about work. The money that our parents gave us was only enough for a rented apartment. Once, when I once again ran from my mother with a pot of borscht, the young husband poured it down the toilet, explaining that he was not going to be a freeloader. And only a pack of mayonnaise remained in the fridge.

Igor waited for three months until he was called for an interview. And all this time we were sorting out the relationship. Scandalous until I filed for divorce. The most ridiculous thing is that a week after we were given certificates of divorce, he was invited for a long-awaited interview.

Wedge wedge.

- And what happened after the divorce?

- Six months later, I got married again. As they say, a wedge is knocked out by a wedge. Now I understand that I got married a second time to wipe my nose to my ex-husband, whom I have loved for a long time. But then it seemed to me that now I would not step on the same rake, I would be a patient wife. Played a wedding again with a white dress, a restaurant and nearly a hundred guests. During one of the contests, when the toastmaster began to let sliders around, collecting a dowry for the unborn child, the groom joked that he was in no hurry with the children: they say, first you have to live for yourself. And so it happened. Every Friday we went to the clubs, returned home in the morning, and then slept all weekend. It seemed funny at first, but I soon got tired of this kind of life. I wanted quiet evenings, not parties. And my husband provided me with quiet evenings. Alone. And he continued to walk and quite quickly found a replacement for me. I could not forgive the betrayal.

- And today do you want to hear Mendelssohn's wedding waltz for the third time?

- I dream about it, but first you need to understand yourself. With the first husband, I know, there was not enough understanding. Today he holds a good post, got married and is raising a daughter. If at one time I had not been irritated by his calmness with an empty wallet, perhaps now we would be happy. I married him for love. It was only when he lay on the couch for weeks that high feelings disappeared somewhere. In her second marriage, she probably tortured her husband with reproaches, so he found another one. Maybe it's me. My parents have been living together for almost thirty years. Over the years, everything has happened, but they somehow had the patience and desire to understand each other. I grew up in adoration and put up with someone's interests and never learned, which played a cruel joke in relationships with men. Or maybe it's our generation. Almost all of my friends who got married have already divorced. Here are just a series of meetings and partings have not saved anyone from painful loneliness.

Habit to take care

- The only day of the year when we refuse to accept applications for divorce is 14 February. On Valentine's Day, we send home those who have come to file for divorce. For several years of this tradition, units did not return with a statement the next day, says head of the Kirov registry office of Rostov Lyubov Puzikova... - Of 64.5% of divorcing couples, only about 7% reconcile. As a rule, newlyweds who part so easily are no more than 25 years old.

Dangerous little things in life

According to psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Veronica Kondratenko, today you won't surprise anyone with a quick divorce.

“Moreover, rings for divorced people began to appear in jewelry stores. This is a ring with the symbolic inscription "trade up", which translates as "back on the market," and is worn on the ring finger, in place of the wedding ring. Young people do not just part, they also emphasize their status. From a catastrophe for which divorce was mistaken twenty years ago, a failed marriage turned into just an adventure, a funny misunderstanding. Of course, not everyone treats a ruined family life so easily, many still understand that there is no happiness without a stable relationship, but the trend itself speaks volumes. The consumerist attitude to life imposed by glossy magazines and popular talk shows played a significant role in this. Today, students sincerely do not understand what is the tragedy of Anna Karenina, Katerina from Ostrovsky's "The Thunderstorm", Madame Bovary, who committed suicide, entangled in family relationships. But then the institution of the family was very strong, public opinion mattered. Thanks to traditions and foundations, spouses had to negotiate and solve problems, and not hack off the shoulder. Our heroine learned the main lesson from her difficult situation - she does not blame her ex-husbands for all the troubles, but tries to understand what her mistake was. This is the first step towards a successful marriage. It is no coincidence that they say: the little things of life in the family are like mines and they can only be neutralized by concessions.

www.rostov.aif.ru

7 reasons for divorce after a year of marriage

Divorce after a year of marriage is very common. Few people are surprised when young spouses bring divorce petitions to the registry office without even celebrating their first wedding anniversary. It turns out that such couples are 4% of all marriages. There are many reasons why people get divorced after a year of marriage. Let's take a look at them.

Divorce after a year of marriage: 7 main reasons

Divorce is a difficult period and stress for both partners, and if people go to it, it means that they were pushed by serious reasons and they do not see the point in continuing their life together.

The spouses do not know how to live on. For some couples, the wedding is the goal itself, they do not think about how they will live after the holiday. The wedding has died down, the honeymoon, and then? And then the newlyweds will face ordinary everyday life with their worries and problems. Most often, young partners with no experience of living together are faced with this problem.
The romance leaves. Often, divorce after a year of marriage occurs due to the fact that the spouses cannot maintain a romantic atmosphere. And, really: it's one thing to come on a date, carefree and in love, and a completely different thing is living together. Where, sometimes, there is neither the means nor the time for romance, since the family has more significant needs and problems. As a result, grievances arise that turn into disputes and disappointments.
Life. Perhaps one of the main reasons for divorce after a year of marriage is the way of life and the distribution of responsibilities. Few couples can immediately agree on who is washing the dishes and who is preparing dinner. Most often, we see one of 2 options: a woman takes everything upon herself, and after a while she cannot withstand the load, makes a scandal, or a woman tries to isolate herself from all everyday issues, and in response to reproaches she is sincerely indignant that she is not a housekeeper. Often a man does not show himself from his best side in everyday life. Many representatives of the stronger sex are convinced that their only responsibility is to make money. But in our time, women have long been working on an equal basis with men.
Children. Another point that causes a lot of divorces after a year of marriage is children. In the first year of living together, many families have children. If in a young family life is not yet established and there is not enough flexibility, mutual understanding and support, then the appearance of a child can destroy the relationship. And there are many reasons for this: the first months of life, the baby wakes up at night, requires a huge amount of attention, the husband at this moment is not always in a hurry to help his wife. On the contrary, he begins to take offense at the lack of attention from his wife. Imagine, yesterday there was love and romance, he had a 3-course candlelight dinner and a massage before going to bed, today his wife sleeps on the go. How can this issue be resolved? Help your spouse, share responsibilities, support and understand. Another problem with children is the unwillingness to have them. Some spouses, before marriage, are so in love and passionate about their relationship that they forget to discuss the main issues. Sometimes, only after the wedding, one of the spouses learns that his partner does not want to have children, while he himself only dreams of babies. Months of persuasion lead to scandals, and the couple decides to part ways.
Lapping. Often, divorce after a year of marriage is due to lapping. In the first year of marriage, spouses often begin to compete, trying to prove their leadership. A dispute raises any question, and the reason for the dispute is not as important as the desire to prevail in it. The spouses refuse to make concessions, as a result of which mutual grievances accumulate, which leads to divorce. To solve this problem is quite simple: not to be categorical, to seek a compromise and not to prove your case in insignificant issues at the cost of good relations. Sometimes, the spouses themselves cannot cope with lapping, a psychologist will help here.
Free time. Before you were not a family, you spent your free time from meetings as you wished. Now there is a sense of ownership. Divorces after a year of marriage often occur because the newlyweds, more often one of the couple, ceases to consider their partner a person, and tries to prohibit him from communicating with friends, control his communication with colleagues, and his pastime. There should be a measure for everything. If you arrange one day a week, when each of you meets with your friends or indulges in your favorite hobby, tragedy will not happen, on the contrary, the relationship will become stronger. Of course, everything should be within reasonable limits.

There is not one, but a whole list of reasons due to which a divorce can happen a year after marriage: alcoholism, drug addiction, overwhelming aggression of one of the spouses, betrayal, disappointment in husband / wife, active intervention of parents or friends in family life, different goals, new love ...

It is interesting:

If you are thinking about whether to get a divorce a year after marriage, weigh the pros and cons, perhaps your family problems are easy to solve, you just need to be more flexible in the relationship. However, if a divorce did occur after a year of marriage, do not despair, most likely, a new, more successful marriage awaits you ahead.

liniya-zdorovya.ru

How to decide on a divorce after 1.5 years of guest marriage

Woman.ru experts

Anastasia Shesterikova

Rusina Irina Vladimirovna

Olga Yurievna Diganaeva

Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Olga Borisenko

Dmitry Valerievich Tishakov

Shiyan Olga Vasilievna

Oksana Lushankina

Anna Dashevskaya

Irina Bukina

Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Aksyonova Anna Mikhailovna

Continuation: Note that my husband does not provide for me. We have a separate budget. My husband doesn’t help in any way, and if he gives money, it’s only on debt. And this is how we have been living for almost 1.5 years. But even these weekend visits are not without scandals. Constant claims on his or my part. In general, we already have money for the apartment and we have begun to select suitable options. But yesterday we had a fight again over nonsense. And I understand that with such a relationship it is very risky to buy an apartment. It is easier to part now than to divide up the property later. But at the same time, I am so embedded in this relationship. We are only with him for 6 years. Already they stopped communicating with friends. I can't imagine my life without him. We call each other 20 times a day, constantly share everything with each other, but I understand that this is not a healthy relationship. We always thought that our real life would begin when we buy an apartment, but now I wondered: is it worth getting involved in this┘ Sorry for the confusion. It is very difficult and will take a long time to describe all our relationships. To summarize: I am not happy with this marriage and never did, but I thought that everything would work out over time. He does not want to change anything, does not want children, after buying an apartment, he wants to rent it out and go to live in Thailand. Doesn't want seriousness and stability. For me, the opposite is true. Our relationship is based on affection, friendship. There is no talk of any love. But we cannot make up our minds. For my part, och I'm afraid of the feeling of loneliness that I won't find anyone after parting with him┘

Where is the marriage? No need to decide on a divorce, you are ALREADY not a husband and wife. It remains only to document it.

Try renting an apartment for a couple of months. And try to live together, but without your parents. Just agree in advance who is investing how much and what you are spending on. So check if it's worth it or not.

You yourself answered your own question - to part. There are many reasons. Don't waste your time.

why buy a joint apartment if you have different goals with him? He does not want children, he wants to rent an apartment, live in a tai. that says it all, he doesn’t need you or your family. And you don’t need to be afraid, you actually don’t have a husband, you have a friend, nothing more. And the family, children? You need another man.

all the best is ahead - leave with your head held high

He left you alone to get sick, and he went on to live with his mother. Do you still doubt who he is married to?

The author is a very messy story. You yourself understand everything why you are asking for advice. Now we need to get a divorce. It remains to be seen how this will end. I know people who dispersed, and after a couple of years they got married again. And now you are still alone.
Another material question. Who has saved up for an apartment? Do you have absolutely equal incomes? Why lend money to each other if there was a common goal?

Nonsense here, nonsense there, nonsense here .. dear author, if this is how you treat this nonsense, then everything that follows will be the same. With another m.h
Yes, you have to go. Now yes, it is necessary. But with a clear understanding that nonsense should be given weighty importance.
firstly, how were you received when you first met? You had glasses to, say, not feel the cold.

And he is quite logical, you are a stranger. What were you trying to do?
Based on the text, the easiest way is to send .. Moreover, whatever one may say, my contemporary peers really do not understand one thing: when you come to someone else's house, you have to be prepared that you don’t look like a nightie, the bed should not creak and it’s better to replace it.
And you don't impose your own rules.
In addition, in order to smooth out the “stranger-stranger” conflict, you need to be involved in everyday life with that person-parent, your partner.
And do not wait for comfortable services: give-bring-take away and not to advise anything at all. Maybe it wasn't all that much. But, nevertheless, you are a hot-tempered person, which means you did not own the alignment.
In addition, the emotional grating and the position of the third moves him away from you. Is always. No matter how bad it is, the parental home is a place where they will always be accepted, and very few people dare to radically spoil relations with their parents.
Hence, conflicts in someone else's (emphasized) house should be carried out in the absence of a third one .. Then there will be no inviting glances and everything will quickly subside.
Well, now, a habit and nothing more┘ You should leave and continue saving yourself for an apartment on your own.
The rest is in the form of 1.5 hours and extra. I have not read the difficulties.
In addition, to go to live in Thailand, rent an apartment. I don’t know if there will be enough money, even if 15-30 mowers from rent, to live in another country.
Your boyfriend is a romantic from the high road, apparently.
Just look at yourself critically, so that you do not have any more conflicts with mom-dads and there is an awareness that in our time and not only in our time: the life of a young couple with ancestors is fraught with you yourself. And therefore, at least 2.5 hours to get, but to your house, where you are only two.

This is not a term or a relationship :) habit and fear make life meager.

You, like me, do not love or appreciate Yourself. Love yourself and they will be drawn to You. It is very difficult. I am now in Your position.

You yourself do not know what you want from life. Hold on to this relationship so as not to be left with yourself, fill the void with the appearance of a relationship.

author, he is only 26 years old. what children. if it's so important for you to have children now, then leave. you will still divide the apartment in case of divorce, go to Thai for a year, for example, you will see. although you have it strange, but it is difficult to judge based on the story of only one person.

The author, from personal experience, I advise you to part with this person .. to be honest from your story I realized that you are somewhat similar in character to me and your husband to mine .. now I am on the verge of divorce, but there is a child and this and some other circumstances slow down, your husband is unlikely to change, or rather he will do it at the age of 50 and will pray for forgiveness for all "sins", so to speak, by that time you will become unbalanced, gray-haired, sick serious diseases, in the flesh before cancer) it's just not your person (and I don't even know whose people they are)) if you don't break off the relationship now, then the scenario is something like this: at some point you will get pregnant by accident, or vice versa, for a period of calm, decide that "It's about time" when the baby appears, your requirements will increase and this is normal, while his desire to be serious will fall even more (men are generally afraid of responsibility, and then there is additional stress) and he will generally live his own life, trying to get away from all the problems, you will start "making brains" (as they like to call it) and constant scandals and quarrels will begin (by the way, all your love will concentrate on your baby and "mercy", you will diminish in forgiving his antics) so very soon you will think about divorce, but it will be difficult to leave (a child without a father, etc.), and if you have “endured” it all your life, you will be forgiven. scenario two: leave him, focus on a specific goal (to buy something, be it an apartment, a car, or a trip to the Maldives ... whatever) if you don't have a favorite job, change it (fortunately, there are no problems with this in Moscow, there would be a desire ) and, more importantly, career growth, new people, new acquaintances and meeting "your man") Believe me, if the house has a "bad foundation" then it is unlikely that it will last long, do not waste your time, no one will appreciate your nerves and health. Yes, it will be difficult at first, you will miss him, but it will be better for you! Imagine that you are on a diet, and he is a cake)))

Divorce six months after the wedding

Hello, I have such a situation. I am 27 years old, my husband 29. I have been married for six months, before that my future husband had been trying to get me for 1.5 years, we started dating, then live together, lived for six months and got married. Now he says that his feelings have cooled and that he was better off without me than with me and that he is considering a divorce. We even planned a baby, but it didn’t work for 4 months, probably it’s not in vain, God didn’t just send us a baby. Now I don't know what to do, I left him. File for divorce yourself?

Woman.ru experts

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Anastasia Shesterikova

Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Rusina Irina Vladimirovna

Psychologist, Stress Relief. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Olga Yurievna Diganaeva

Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Olga Borisenko

Psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Dmitry Valerievich Tishakov

Psychologist, Supervisor, Systemic Family Therapist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Shiyan Olga Vasilievna

Psychologist, Consultant Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Oksana Lushankina

Psychologist, Family Relations. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Anna Dashevskaya

Psychologist, Skype Consulting. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Irina Bukina

Psychologist. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Aksyonova Anna Mikhailovna

Psychologist, Group Analyst Candidate. Specialist from the site b17.ru

Fucking guys have gone, either I want a child, I don’t want to, I want to get married, I don’t want to. The world has turned upside down. The author, about the divorce, what does the husband say? So you left, and what? He silently watched you leave? He called, wrote, gave to know about yourself after that? If not, then the answer is obvious

Serve! I had the same situation in May! Only I am 24, and he is 34! I filed for divorce myself, he then changed his mind, asked for forgiveness right after the registry office, pinned himself with roses, I thought I’ll take the lead!) Then there were still attempts, but I was flint.

they took an example from women. and so yes, the guy was lucky. miraculously broke loose.

Divorce divorce and divorce again.

maybe we need to figure out why he is so? maybe they swore, there is no understanding, etc. maybe the author takes his brain out to him every day? And then the first year is always difficult, maybe you just need to survive this crisis you had to?
I lived with my husband for 3 years before the wedding, and the first year of marriage turned out to be very difficult for us, we also got divorced almost every month. celebrated in November for 4 years already. if you like, try all the options, but you will always have time to get a divorce

maybe we need to figure out why he is so? maybe they swore, there is no understanding, etc. maybe the author takes his brain out to him every day? And then the first year is always difficult, maybe you just need to go through this crisis was it? celebrated in November for 4 years already. if you like, try all the options, but you will always have time to get a divorce

that's just the same and sought))))) half of the country of women flatter themselves

your life cannot be a universal example. The husband said that he cooled off, that he was thinking about a divorce. The author is right that he is not going to dance tango alone.

And I'm not saying that my example is universal, but only that if the problem is in the author, then it will always get divorced every six months. To break a family, not to build. And he will follow your advice about tango, in general, one will remain. She is also quarrelsome and proud.

I would file for divorce. The worst thing is when a man arranges such a swing. This speaks of his extreme unreliability.

14
it does not follow from her text that she is quarrelsome. Pride (not pride) is a good quality.
If the problem is in the Author, then, of course, the Author will take her with him to a new marriage. Our experience is not what happened to us, but what conclusions we have drawn from what happened. In this sense, the Author and her husband will be every man for himself.

I got divorced after 8 months. I patted my nerves so that I sat on the pills. In marriage, I felt lonely, as if only I needed this marriage

our relationship was perfect, we really understood each other, we were kindred spirits, I can say this with confidence. Everyone said that we were a perfect couple. I couldn’t stand his brain, I almost didn’t take offense at him))) We didn’t fight, just at some point he stopped being interested in me, came home from work, didn’t meet me, didn’t ask how the day went. I forgot to say that he is a football fan and on TV we have football almost all day. At the beginning of the relationship, he played football and spent time with me. but recently it has not been taken away from the computer. Football was more important to him than sex. When I left, he did not say anything, he just sat at the computer.

I once divorced 11 months after we got married. It was a very happy moment for me

file for divorce. And figs with him, you are young, you will still find your love. God saved you! Situations are different, I never judge anyone. An example from life, my classmate got married, gave birth to a child and immediately divorced.

for me too)) It seems that I was born again, returned to myself) Well, that's why so? What marriages bring us to. I was not so happy about the wedding

why is that? - the answer is simple: you have something to compare your freedom with. Until you were married, such a comparison was not possible. The value of being a married woman is now balanced by the value of personal freedom.

Well, the logic, or maybe it says the bad character of the author? Maybe he really can't get along with her, and he really felt better without her? And it was just that she was not reliable, once she left immediately, and it was not the problem that she decided to figure out. ***** thinks divorce will solve everything and he is such an asshole
He pursued me for a very long time, I did not want to meet with him, but then I just looked at him differently and fell in love. He often said very much that he loved me, that I was the only one for life. He also started taking IT courses a month ago. there I met new people and I noticed that he often corresponded with one chick from these courses, there were no love hints in their messages yet, maybe I got it on myself, of course, but still ..

If there are no children and there is nothing to share, then they file for divorce together. They come to the registry office and write a statement. If there are material claims, then go through the courts. The author, why are you twitching? Self-esteem stuck, that the husband is tired?
No, vanity is not stuck, I just love him, I really want to be with him

Did you build a relationship or on the principle of "how it goes"? Such a feeling that the second option was. Here is the result. A strong family is hard work.

that's just the same and sought))))) half of the country of women flatter themselves

perhaps you have personal problems with this?
do you want to talk about me do i attract you?

The author, I will not say for sure, but in my opinion, if you go alone to submit an application, then it may not be accepted. We must go together.
And according to the situation - sit quietly for a while, this is his initiative, so let him twitch, at the same time and look - how much HIM needs it.

If there are no children and there is nothing to share, then they file for divorce together. They come to the registry office and write a statement. If there are material claims, then go through the courts. The author, why are you twitching? Self-love stuck, that my husband is tired of it? No, vanity has not stuck, I just love him, I really want to be with him

If you love, try to reach out, find out what happened, but do not humiliate yourself. Talk to him and decide together. If he says that he has stopped loving everything, then you will already get divorced. I think that if he ran after you like that, and got married, then it was not for nothing, all the same. When you yourself already understand that there is nothing to save, it will become easier for you yourself and divorce with a calm soul, and not with a stone in your heart.
My husband and I also had a period when he said that he didn’t know whether he loved me at all or not, and that he didn’t need a family, then we talked and it turned out that he had big problems at work and I still worried that he was always delayed. In the end, just for e ball it. The problem was solved and we live in perfect harmony. Although everyone also advised me to get a divorce and leave.

And here is an example of a male hunter. You were flattered when he tried to get you, right? It raises self-esteem very much, no doubt. And then once - achieved and cooled.
That dick I would have been seeking for a year and a half. It's crazy to move. This is already indicative, IMHO

And here is an example of a male hunter. You were flattered when he tried to get you, right? It raises self-esteem very much, no doubt. And then once - achieved and cooled. That dick I would have been seeking for a year and a half. It's crazy to move. This is already indicative, IMHO

The author, I will not say for sure, but in my opinion, if you go alone to submit an application, then it may not be accepted. We must go together. And according to the situation - sit quietly for a while, this is his initiative, so let him twitch, at the same time and look - how much HIM needs it.

so I thought, while I will not do anything, I will certainly not wait for him and beg to come back. I have something to do, I have a job, a gym, friends. so let's see where he comes

maybe a marriage turns out to be stronger when both go to meet each other, and not when one achieves, and the other stays in place))

I didn’t sit there doing nothing, and didn’t expect that like you need me and that’s it, I’m not going to do anything for him myself. I paid a lot of attention to him, came up with something, joint trips, hikes. We loved to travel. you can even say that after the wedding, I needed a relationship more than he

maybe a marriage turns out to be stronger when both go to meet each other, and not when one achieves, and the other stays in place))

My friend's husband plays tanks all day and has not worked for a year. Sex once a month. That's where the grief is

Just like mine. Only sex was less common. Divorced and gave it to good hands.

I still do not understand the situation with the fact that he himself proposed with the planning of the child and then he himself refused.

34
it was said about the premarital relationship.

Absolutely in a Christmas tree, as they say 🙂 This, I think, should be intuitive to any normal person from an early age)

hardly from an early age, but it would be good for a second marriage.)

34 this was said about premarital relationships.

month 4 after marriage was the same as before, and then it went.

six months minus four months - yes, the start of your family life cannot be called successful.

that's just the same and sought))))) half of the country of women flatter themselves

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And they lived happily ever after ... This is where the fairy tale ends and family life begins, where many disappointments await us, including divorce. The hardest part is to part after long years of family life. How to prevent divorce after 15 years of marriage and how to get over it? We need to talk about this in more detail.

Causes

It would seem that the characters agreed (if it were different, there would be a divorce after a year of relationship), the children are already quite adults, many difficulties are behind. What pushes husband and wife to divorce after so many years of family life. Here are just the main reasons and how to fix them.

Marriage crisis

The crisis of 15 years of marriage is associated with the fact that the child turns into a teenager and begins to separate from the family. It is not easy for the children themselves during this period, but the husband and wife may perceive all this as the collapse of the family. There is nothing wrong with that, children must sooner or later leave the family and build their own lives. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that it will not look like yours.

What to do? Weaken family boundaries by giving children freedom. The wife must remember that she is not only a mother, but also a spouse, and also a woman.

Also, the reason may be an age crisis in a man who wants to feel young, so he goes all out. Even the most faithful husband can have a mistress just to show himself that he is still young.

Fatigue

After 15 years of marriage, fatigue and a desire to live for yourself may well roll over. Should you file for divorce if you are overwhelmed by fatigue at the same time? If the children are small, then it is unlikely. Plus, you can understand the reasons for the routine and reshape your relationship in a fundamental way. Perhaps after so many years of family life it will not be easy, but you must try.

Claims and recriminations

For many years of living together, there should be many of them. Sometimes it becomes a tradition. A wife can blame her husband for putting her career on the altar of marriage; the husband often blames his soul mate for not being able to realize his own desires or build a business. In fact, both understand that family and children cannot be a hindrance to anything, but it is easier to blame someone else.

What to do? Talk directly about all problems and compare your points of view. Perhaps the help of an intelligent psychologist will be needed here, otherwise the whole conversation will again slide down to mutual accusations. By the way, sometimes there is a feeling of dissatisfaction or guilt behind the accusations.

Lack of pleasure

Whatever one may say, but people get married for pleasure. From sex, from your aspirations and hobbies, from communication. For 15 years of life together, it can be lost, which will make the meaning of your family illusory. Divorce is not the only way out of the situation.

You can find new common hobbies, open your own business, start playing sports or gardening together, set new goals. By the way, this will then help to survive the sad period when the children will be separated from you.

My wife is tired of enduring

Or her husband. Very often we endure some shortcomings and problems, put up with them, try to eradicate them, and then put up again. It can be the husband's love for alcohol, the inability to cook with his wife and much more ... Patience can end at any time, including after 15 or 20 years of marriage. If the half does not think to improve in any way, then only a divorce will save the situation. And if not him, then a terrible thing can happen by the end of his life. Do you know how many grandmothers in women's prisons who, after half a century of living together, killed their husband?

If divorce is inevitable, all that remains is to start from scratch. What you can't do after a divorce is to shift all your attention to the children. No, they are also very upset about your parting and they need attention, but overprotection and too active upbringing will not lead to anything good. If you are the mother of a girl, you cannot inspire her that all men are ... the same as the departed husband. Of course, you can't throw out the negativity left after the divorce on the children.

In addition, black and gloomy thoughts should not be given free rein. We replace them with good and positive ones. You are not afraid of being alone, but free. You are not an old, unnecessary person, but experienced and mature, therefore interesting. If he (or she) has a young mistress (or lover), then you can too. If you think that now you have nothing to keep yourself occupied, think about the fact that you have a lot of free time and unfulfilled interests. Do not get hung up on the thought that if the divorce had happened earlier, it would have been easier for you. Better to think that you have lived happily for 15 years.

Also, you should not continue conflicts with your spouse and constant accusations. That's why a divorce is needed to stop it. Perhaps over time you will become friends and even continue to support each other. But at first it is better not to contact your former half.

And what you need to do is to forgive your husband or wife for your parting. Do not blame yourself and your ex-soulmate, this is a fruitless and unproductive exercise.

Don't get depressed. Better to take up a new business and start chatting with new people. Helps against depression and sports. You yourself understand that in a beautiful and healthy body there is a beautiful and healthy soul. Put your body in order, and the nervous system will be in time behind it. Choose what you like best.

Understand that at 40, as at 50 (and even at 60), life is just beginning. It's time to try yourself in something new. Do not seek to immediately start new relationships: live for yourself for now. This will help you better understand who you are.

Fall in love with yourself

Surely for so many years of family life you have already forgotten what it is like to love yourself: everyday life and routine strongly hinder self-love. Now it's time to remember. Understand how attractive you are, remember what you once wanted, and allow others to pay attention to you. We do not withdraw into ourselves. Most married people dream of having more time for themselves. Now you have it. Fulfill your desires.

At 40, this is as real as at 50, 60 and later. Right now. You can open your own business, and try to turn your hobby into work, and much more to try. Find your way at last. Now you need to pay maximum attention to your interests. By the way, during this period, the former half may express a desire to renew the family. Whether it is worth giving an old relationship a new lease on life and a new chance is up to you. If you want, try it.

If a divorce after so many years of living together is the only way out, you should not think that life is over. It's time to love yourself again and realize that in fact we are all alone and no one can be closer to ourselves. And further. Even after the most difficult divorces and partings, reunions and reboots of relationships occur.

Divorce.RU Divorce Psychology and divorce

Causes of family collapse
Saving a family for the sake of children
Difficult decision
The need for divorce

Family relationships are complex and have pros and cons. Tired of mutual grievances, not intending to endure inconveniences, the spouses no longer see reasons why it is impossible to get a divorce by failing a household test, especially if they are not going to dare to change their views. But sometimes there is no good reason to leave - you need a serious reason. Divorce or family retention is a tricky issue. It is worth taking a responsible approach to an important decision if the spouses want a hassle-free divorce / family preservation procedure. Causes of family collapse Considering the preservation of the family is impossible, the spouses are going to decide to purchase a separate vein.

Divorce or continuation of a relationship: keeping families in Russia

Failure to understand a loved one After several years of living together, it suddenly turns out that the husband and wife have such different ideas about life that they are simply unable to find common goals for the existence of the family and the development of relationships. Today, this state of affairs is not uncommon. If spouses cannot find a way to hear and understand each other, the family is more likely to fall apart, even if they already have children.

When there is no mutual understanding with a partner, it is impossible to seek compromises together, it is difficult to understand why in general to maintain such a relationship. There can be no talk of any intimacy. Spouses move further and further, and over time it becomes impossible to overcome mutual alienation.
Most often it is not possible to maintain and establish such relations. Sexual problems Sexual issues cannot be ignored when it comes to divorce and its causes.

If a divorce is around the corner ...

You can go with him on vacation to an interesting country or a place where you will have fun and, perhaps, it will bring you closer together. But all this can be done if the man agrees to all these actions.

Important

Otherwise, it will be he who will decide about your life. After the betrayal of her husband Betrayal of a loved one is an ordeal for a woman.

But it is possible to get out of this situation with dignity and competence. If she loves her husband and wants to keep the family together, she needs to let go of resentment, anger, anxiety, fear.

After the betrayal of his wife A woman, having confessed to treason, feels better, as if a mountain fell from her shoulders.

Should I try to keep my family together?

Yes, this requires financial costs, but the situation is such that soon the wife can become an evil fury. If the spouse allows himself to make claims about unnecessary expenses, well! Calmly invite him to take an equal part in household chores. Rest from each other There are families where the spouses go on vacation separately, each has his own company, and she goes to the theater, cinema or museum with a friend, and he with a friend, and so on. They go to the store together, raise children and solve various household issues, but spend their holidays separately, so they both feel comfortable.
And this is acceptable when one of them loves loneliness, and the other is very active. Each spouse should have a personal space; there is no need to panic over the desire of the partner to take a break from you for fear that the husband has fallen in love with another.
It will be beneficial for everyone to change their environment for a while, or to be alone for a short time.

Divorce: the one who wants to keep the family, must fight to the end

Attention

Young people take the conclusion of an alliance very lightly - it’s like an interesting test, which is easy to decide on. Seeing only the advantages of marriage, the young are against formal relations and marriage contracts.

The desire to maintain independence, the unwillingness to endure the disadvantages of relations, to take serious obligations, lead to the disintegration of a third of families, if the views remain the same. Sometimes the spouses say “No, you are unpleasant to me, I want to divorce” - already six months after the wedding.

Unpreparedness of spouses for marriage. Often couples are poorly aware - creating a family imposes certain restrictions, social responsibility. If you leave the old habits, the marriage can fall apart, a compromise is needed.

Young families often fail the test of life - they do not have the necessary qualities to maintain a positive relationship.
Unfulfilled hopes.

Divorce or keep the family?

The second option is to explain what you like. Do not hide unpleasant moments, if you do not react, then the man believes that everything is in order. To rekindle the intensity of a relationship, change your environment.

A night in an extraordinary place, for example, in the hayloft, will help revive passionate feelings! Mutual help The wife makes the house cozy: she bakes pies, does the housekeeping, goes to work. After a while, she notices that she has driven herself into a corner, burdening herself with all the everyday problems. For a husband, the situation when all the worries lie with the woman is, apparently, familiar and comfortable. Therefore, there is no reaction on his part, and will not be. This is where a smart person should stop, because it's time for her to learn how to save time, strength and herself. For household chores, there are household services, semi-finished products, modern household appliances.

9 secrets of keeping your family together

You can just let your husband win the argument if the topic is not so important to you. But in your heart you will know that you acted wisely, and believe me, it's nice! After 20 years of marriage, romance in the relationship of a married couple is preserved only in the first unforgettable time after meeting.

Then a slight falling in love turns into a stronger feeling and passion. The danger comes when romance is no longer in marriage, and the spouses begin to look for it on the side.

The willingness to “go left” increases over the years, especially when a midlife crisis occurs in men. First, he begins to see off young girls with his eyes, leaf through magazines with images of naked beauties or watches porn films with interest.

This is a signal that you should take a closer look at yourself and think if you are attractive enough for your partner. And if there was a cooling down, then it was time to get down to business seriously.

10 myths about divorce

Any married couple is familiar with the state when, after family happiness, grievances accumulated over the years come; irritability that arises gradually and grows due to misunderstanding, unwillingness to give in ... All this ends in divorce, and, as a rule, children suffer. If you think carefully about everything, weigh each specific situation, then people come to an even greater impasse: endure and wait out the family crisis or get divorced right now, so that there is time left to create a new family nest and a new personal life? Sometimes reckless actions make both of them regret the hasty divorce, but other times people may regret that they did not run away and continued to endure each other in exchange for freedom and peace. Keeping the family together or getting divorced? How many people, so many opinions ...

Marriage: to keep or not?

We think with our own head! In any case, having looked at such comments, the most objective thing that you can take for yourself is the fact that the interlocutor will not be responsible for any of the advice. To accept the advice or not is up to the author of the voiced problem.

If there are any consequences, it is foolish to believe that the advice was given incorrectly. In the end, advice and advice that following them is voluntary.

People will not make mistakes when they can learn to make decisions and realize responsibility for them. There just won't be anyone to blame. And the failures or misfortunes that happen in people's lives should be perceived as something inevitable due to their own wrong behavior or tragic coincidence of circumstances.

Anything can happen in life, and its course consists of positive and negative moments.

Reasons for divorce. is it worth keeping a family

A survey of women conducted by researchers revealed the reasons for the fragility of family relationships, and they are as follows:

Adultery.
Alcoholism.
Use of force against a spouse.
Incompatibility of characters.
Lack of common interests.

After a few years, living together often turns into a routine. Mutual accusations can only lead to a real quarrel. Think about your love, which has tied you for several years, think about your children, how they will survive your separation, and try to find a solution. To be respected, you need to be able to listen and support your partner.

And don't forget to say nice words to each other. After all, a kind word is pleasant not only to a cat! But the person who shares life with you needs kind words and praise. Understand the problem Discuss with your loved one why he became unhappy with you.

Some advise categorically and categorically: “Divorce without a doubt! You must not allow yourself to be humiliated and not reckoned with. " Others recommend showing loyalty and caution: “What's the point in getting a divorce? What will be proven and to whom? It is difficult to live alone, especially if there is no work. " Someone recommends turning a blind eye to her husband in the name of children. At the same time, it is advised to think about work, income, and then - a divorce.

So, in their opinion, everything will be less painful. Some, with a heightened sense of justice and, to some extent, harmfulness, will advise not to get divorced, but to pay the husband in the same coin - to walk, have a lover, have fun and live "for yourself." It is not a fact that this will lead to a truce or force the husband to return to the family, but a wife with such a lifestyle should not be so offended.

All cases are different.

Divorce after 6 years of marriage is it necessary to try to save the family

In the end, when deciding to divorce, there is no guarantee that the new marriage will be successful, or the bachelor life will be easy. Or a new marriage may not happen, and the eternal search will lead to a protracted depression, under the weight of which divorce will seem like a huge mistake and a hasty decision. Let's look at divorce philosophically If we consider any family problem from the point of view of philosophy, then there are no uniquely bad or uniquely happy situations. There are people and their specific attitude to each topic. Many women believe that divorce will bring them great happiness and relief. Divorce will provide an opportunity not only to become independent, but also to start life anew, without repeating mistakes. Divorce will be a deliverance from endless annoyance and insults. As a result, it turns out that her departure did not really upset anyone (it hurts pride, right?).

Woman.ru experts

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Anastasia Shesterikova

Rusina Irina Vladimirovna

Olga Yurievna Diganaeva

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Oksana Lushankina

Anna Dashevskaya

Irina Bukina

Aksyonova Anna Mikhailovna

Causes

Marriage crisis

Fatigue

Claims and recriminations

Lack of pleasure

My wife is tired of enduring

Fall in love with yourself

Divorce or continuation of a relationship: keeping families in Russia