At some point in time, I told my wife: if you ever have a desire to try sex with someone else (I don’t use the term “cheating”. Only in combat conditions), then you can do it without any then fear about my reaction.
Naturally, I would be unpleasant if she “cheated” on me. But I know that this will not happen, because in order for a woman to "cheat" on her husband, she needs to be brought to such a state. Husband must bring. Well, who should he blame for having grown horns? Maybe that's why they grew up, that he is a ram in some matters? I know this truth and I know that it depends only on me whether my wife wants another man. Therefore, I allowed her to change me, because I know that she simply will not have such a desire. For now, I will make an effort for this. Well, if I get tired of it, what right do I have to demand fidelity from her? Well, this is, if you are a complete bastard. Like Othello strangling his beloved woman. Although this character even seems to be some kind of tragic personality. A work from the point of view of literature, maybe a good one. Still Shakespeare. But the moral damage, mainly at the subconscious level, from such works cannot be calculated.
So I can say with complete confidence that the husband is to blame for 100% of his wife's infidelity. But when a husband cheats, few women are ready to admit their guilt. Check out women's forums on this topic. This topic is the most common and attracts the most responses. And as a rule, all women agree that it is the "cheater" who is to blame. And so everything is convincing in women. Well, at least such a letter.
“We were talking here with my husband about loyalty. We lived together for thirty years. And four years ago, he started dating his young employee. When this opened, a nightmare began at our house: his and my tears, promises, departures, returns ... For a while he lived with her, but in the end we are together again. He cares about me very much, assures me that he loves. I even began to buy the newspaper "My Family" for me, and now read it aloud. A little bit - says: “Have you read the newspaper? It also says there! .. "
The husband claims that all men are unfaithful, such is life. And my loyalty to him is, of course, very good, but he cannot do that, because he is a living person. By this logic, I am dead. She reminded him how long he had courted me, how he promised not to deceive and, if he met another, tell me right away. How jealous I was in the first years after the wedding, not caring that it offends me. However, I must say that even then he himself was looking to the side - winking, flirting, joking with women, flirting. Then we did not discuss it, but now he says that he needed it for self-affirmation, he was not sure of himself.
I gave him examples of faithful men, but my husband assures me that I just do not know everything about them. He gives his examples - indeed, all his friends have mistresses. Only one of them is devoted to his wife, but he has a good reason not to change - problems with potency. My husband, from his youth to forty years old, also had some kind of problems all the time. I was sympathetic. He was still being treated, treated. So, apparently, he has healed, how can he be healthy now - but without a mistress? Yes, in order not to lose his family, he broke up with her. But in my heart I am still sure that cheating is a common thing. And here's how to live with such a person next to you? In fact, he says betrayal is a must for men. And he seriously thinks so, it's not a joke to tease me. I understand everything, there is female psychology, there is male psychology. But there is, besides everything, just decency and dishonesty ... What do you say, traitors? "
From such a letter you feel pinned to the wall. The topic of treason has been translated into such a plane (decency, dishonesty) that it is impossible to justify in any way. And what is most interesting and revealing in this letter - not a word (!!!) about sex. It is only necessary to guess that it is about sexual infidelity. Probably, this woman considers herself so decent that the use of the dishonest word "sex" is considered unacceptable for herself. Naturally, with such convictions, she kept her husband on a hungry sexual ration, and only problems with potency allowed him to keep her faithfulness for 26 years. And how nice it would be if he had not been cured! Therefore, dear women, rejoice if your husband is impotent. Loyalty is guaranteed to you. Well, if you are unlucky and your husband still functions, then you should think about how to ensure loyalty to yourself, if this is important for you. And this is actually important, because in marriage, first fidelity, sexual fidelity, and then everything else. But loyalty is not ensured by a sense of duty, decency and other moral qualities. Fidelity is based on sexual harmony, which does not fly on the wings of love, but is created by the conscious, joint efforts of both spouses. Build sexual harmony in your relationship so you don't have to deal with cheating in your relationship. I think the game is worth the candle, and the sex game is even more so!
There are many signs that. Underwear can also tell about whether the wife is walking to the left. Of course, all the circumstances that indicate female infidelity should be considered in the aggregate, and not fumbled in her panties. However, if you have doubts, then it is better to continue the investigation until you get to the bottom of the matter.
Not a single reader of the men's magazine site will be pleased to learn that his wife or just a beloved girl is cheating on him. Since the modern world is less famous for its observance of moral traditions, even men cannot be sure that women are not betraying them. If society is already to some extent accustomed to male infidelity, then a negative attitude still arises to female infidelity.
However, a man should understand that cheating does not depend on gender. Both men and women can engage in betrayal. And here you need to first of all find out the reasons why this is happening in order to prevent possible betrayal on the part of your partner.
Why is the wife cheating?
Both men and women do not cheat without reason. If men refer to the fact that alcoholic intoxication played a cruel joke or the long absence of sex with their wives pushed them to cheat, then they are mistaken. These reasons are only factors that are based on internal dissatisfaction with the relationship. In fact, women, too, begin to cheat only when they are unhappy with their relationship with their husbands. And outwardly it might look like this:
- Fading feelings. A woman has not felt the love and affection of her man for a long time. He almost never confesses his love to her, does not tell her how beautiful she is, does not make pleasant surprises for no reason, etc. The woman has already forgotten how it is just to receive courtship from a man who tries to show her interest with such gestures ... And if a gentleman appears on the horizon, who again makes her feel like a woman, she may not resist.
- Resentment against her husband. And why the wife is offended, there can be a lot of reasons. There are husbands who themselves are unfaithful to their women. There are spouses who constantly humiliate and insult their wives, especially in the presence of third parties. In some families, there is domestic violence against women. If a lady begins to receive love and recognition from another man, then she will definitely meet with him.
- Lack of romance. Over time, men stop caring for their women in any way. The question is why? For what reasons does a man bother himself with courting a woman only at the beginning of a relationship, and after a long time stops doing it? He will not even lay the table, bring a bouquet of flowers, or make a small pleasant compliment to revive women's feelings a little. Naturally, a woman begins to get carried away by another man who finally gives her what she never ceases to need.
- ... A woman can change only for the purpose that she wants to prove to herself that she can still be of interest to other men, to be beautiful and attractive to them. Often this need arises when husbands in a family say to their wives: "Who else needs you besides me?" To understand who a woman might need if her husband suddenly divorces her, she can start.
A woman never sleeps with her lover just like that. You can write off single betrayals as an accident or loss of consciousness, when a woman was used. However, if the wife cheats more than once, it means that something is wrong in the family relationship. And if the woman has already ceased to fight for the safety of the union, which, most likely, at first she was engaged, then the problem is really very serious.
If a man wants to save his family, even after learning about his wife's infidelities, then it is better to use the services of a family psychologist who will help both spouses go through their crisis period in a relationship, when the husband will have to forgive his wife, and the wife will have to establish contacts with her husband.
How to define infidelity by cowards?
There are undoubtedly many ways to find out if a wife is cheating on her husband. However, when considering the issue, one can simply not go far. Pay attention to your spouse's panties to determine her infidelity (or, conversely, fidelity).
- The wife has panties in her arsenal that are so sexy and at the same time uncomfortable that she only wears them for bed scenes. She used to wear these panties to seduce you, but she hasn't done this for a long time. If you saw that your wife puts on such panties again, and not when you go to bed, or new underwear of a similar plan appeared in her wardrobe, then be on your guard.
- The wife generally began to acquire new underwear. Moreover, she does not dress it up in front of sex with you, but before leaving for work or meeting with friends, as she says. It is even worse if the wife is hiding such purchases.
- You smell men's perfume on your wife's clothes. Of course, he could stay on her if she uses public transport. However, if you constantly hear the same smell, then it can no longer be a coincidence.
- After coming home, the wife immediately goes to the shower. If such a phenomenon does not occur in the summer, when she can just go swimming to wash off sweat and dirt from herself, then you need to think about it, and she does not try to remove all the smells and traces of another man in this way. However, if her lover uses persistent perfume, then even a shower will not help to hide his smell. If you hear masculine scents on your wife's body, while she herself does not use masculine perfumes, then suspicion should increase.
- Smell your wife's panties. Many men argue that the smell of sex cannot be confused with anything. On her panties, you can notice this smell, although sex does not imply their presence on her.
- Consider why a wife gets sexy lingerie but doesn't wear it for intimacy with you. If there has been no sex between you for a long time, then why does your wife make “sexual” purchases without using them to seduce you?
- Offer your wife sex almost immediately after she comes home, tidied up and relaxed. A woman who is already satisfied will certainly not overshadow herself with intimacy with a man who is no longer interesting to her.
- Pay attention to your wife's body, especially areas such as chest, neck and bikini area. If you notice redness, bites, hicks there, then they obviously turned out for a reason. Redness is possible if a woman sweats. However, bites from human teeth and suction certainly cannot be caused by clothing and heat.
Other signs of cheating
Pay attention to your wife's behavior if you begin to notice any oddities and suspect her of treason. In addition to panties, which can be purchased in order not to dress in front of sex with you, but to leave the house, the wife may begin to exhibit some strange behavior, which can be attributed to other signs of infidelity:
- Passion for weight loss. The wife suddenly began to monitor her weight. Moreover, she not only fights against him, but gradually and systematically achieves results. Of course, it's good that my wife decided to become beautiful and young. However, it is bad if all these efforts are not done for your sake.
- Passion for strip plastic. To interest and somehow diversify her sex life, a woman can start doing strip plasty. However, you notice that she never danced sexually for you. The question is, why should a woman learn to dance if she does not apply her skills in practice? Perhaps because she is not dancing in front of her husband, but in front of her lover.
- Expensive purchases. Quite often, husbands are not interested in women's things at all: cosmetics, underwear and even clothes. But in vain. A woman who earns little and lives with a husband who is not able to give her expensive gifts can update her wardrobe, replenish the number of jewelry, perfumes and cosmetics with gifts from her lover. As long as you are not interested in what your wife uses, she can easily receive expensive gifts from her lover, without bothering her head that you can notice this and start asking her questions.
- Lack of sex. Surely you could not have noticed that sex has disappeared between you. However, even if it is, then it has become somehow boring, uninteresting, or, on the contrary, too varied, playful.
- Good mood. Pay attention to what mood your wife is in when she spends a long time with your company. Are you sitting at home or walking somewhere - how happy is she? Now notice how she leaves home when she says that she is going to her friends or should stay late at work, and with what mood she comes when she worked for a long time or helped her relatives around the house. You should be alerted by signs of happiness on your face, when your wife allegedly did hard physical labor, worked for a long time, solved some problems, etc.
How do you eventually understand that your wife is cheating?
It is possible to determine that the wife is cheating by the fact that all the changes in the wife that have recently begun to appear do not in any way affect the relationship of the spouses. In other words, the wife seems to be doing everything only for herself or other people, but not for her husband. She buys underwear in order to leave the house in it, and not before a joint vacation with her husband. She paints herself not when she leaves the house with her husband, but when she goes for a walk with her friends. She uses perfume not when she spends time with her husband, but when she goes about business.
Of course, all signs are indirect. However, their presence should prompt a man to find out the truth through surveillance, direct conversation or other means.
Why did I let my wife cheat on me
At some point in time, I told my wife: if you ever have a desire to try sex with someone else (I don’t use the term “cheating”. Only in combat conditions), then you can do it without any then fear about my reaction.
Naturally, I would be unpleasant if she “cheated” on me. But I know that this will not happen, because in order for a woman to "cheat" on her husband, she needs to be brought to such a state. Husband must bring. Well, who should he blame for having grown horns? Maybe that's why they grew up, that he is a ram in some matters? I know this truth and I know that it depends only on me whether my wife wants another man. Therefore, I allowed her to change me, because I know that she simply will not have such a desire. For now, I will make an effort for this. Well, if I get tired of it, what right do I have to demand fidelity from her? Well, this is, if you are a complete bastard. Like Othello strangling his beloved woman. Although this character even seems to be some kind of tragic personality. A work from the point of view of literature, maybe a good one. Still Shakespeare. But the moral damage, mainly at the subconscious level, from such works cannot be calculated.
So I can say with complete confidence that the husband is to blame for 100% of his wife's infidelity. But when a husband cheats, few women are ready to admit their guilt. Check out women's forums on this topic. This topic is the most common and attracts the most responses. And as a rule, all women agree that it is the "cheater" who is to blame. And so everything is convincing in women. Well, at least such a letter.
“We were talking here with my husband about loyalty. We lived together for thirty years. And four years ago, he started dating his young employee. When it opened, a nightmare began at our house: his and my tears, promises, departures, returns. He lived with her for a while, but in the end we are together again. He cares about me very much, assures me that he loves. I even began to buy the newspaper "My Family" for me, and now read it aloud. A little bit - says: “Have you read the newspaper? It also says there. "
The husband claims that all men are unfaithful, such is life. And my loyalty to him is, of course, very good, but he cannot do that, because he is a living person. By this logic, I am dead. She reminded him how long he had courted me, how he promised not to deceive and, if he met another, tell me right away. How jealous I was in the first years after the wedding, not caring that it offends me. However, I must say that even then he himself was looking to the side - winking, flirting, joking with women, flirting. Then we did not discuss it, but now he says that he needed it for self-affirmation, he was not sure of himself.
I gave him examples of faithful men, but my husband assures me that I just do not know everything about them. He gives his examples - indeed, all his friends have mistresses. Only one of them is devoted to his wife, but he has a good reason not to change - problems with potency. My husband, from his youth to forty years old, also had some kind of problems all the time. I was sympathetic. He was still being treated, treated. So, apparently, he has healed, how can he be healthy now - but without a mistress? Yes, in order not to lose his family, he broke up with her. But in my heart I am still sure that cheating is a common thing. And here's how to live with such a person next to you? In fact, he says betrayal is a must for men. And he seriously thinks so, it's not a joke to tease me. I understand everything, there is female psychology, there is male psychology. But there is, besides everything, just decency and dishonesty. What do you say, traitors? "
From such a letter you feel pinned to the wall. The topic of treason has been translated into such a plane (decency, dishonesty) that it is impossible to justify in any way. And what is most interesting and revealing in this letter is not a word (.) About sex. It is only necessary to guess that it is about sexual infidelity. Probably, this woman considers herself so decent that the use of the dishonest word "sex" is considered unacceptable for herself. Naturally, with such convictions, she kept her husband on a hungry sexual ration, and only problems with potency allowed him to keep her faithfulness for 26 years. And how nice it would be if he had not been cured! Therefore, dear women, rejoice if your husband is impotent. Loyalty is guaranteed to you. Well, if you are unlucky and your husband still functions, then you should think about how to ensure loyalty to yourself, if this is important for you. And this is actually important, because in marriage, first fidelity, sexual fidelity, and then everything else. But loyalty is not ensured by a sense of duty, decency and other moral qualities. Fidelity is based on sexual harmony, which does not fly on the wings of love, but is created by the conscious, joint efforts of both spouses. Build sexual harmony in your relationship so you don't have to deal with cheating in your relationship. I think the game is worth the candle, and the sex game is even more so!
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How to prove your wife's betrayal?
We greet you! In today's article we will talk about how to prove cheating wife (wife has another man), where you somehow managed to sense the betrayal on her part. Perhaps you looked like clear signs, perhaps you are just winding this dirty thought in your head. How to determine this? What's really going on? Everything will be discussed today in this article.
Immediately I would like to consider the moment of the check, which you may have decided to carry out out of idle curiosity. No no! This is not the case for those who are truly baffled by the problem. So, if you decide to just check your wife for the presence of infidelity on her part in your marriage, this can lead to real consequences, which ultimately lead to divorce.
Tip: Never start debriefing out of idle curiosity, “What will she do? How will she take it? How will he react? " This event, if not on solid ground, can harm your relationship, which will be either difficult or impossible to recover.
How to prove your wife's betrayal to yourself?
The man made a marriage proposal to the woman, she agreed. The future husband went on a business trip, one fine evening they phoned on Skype, but their conversation was not long. The reason for the termination of the conversation, as the woman said, is simple - you need to clean up the apartment. The future husband agrees, but does not understand the woman's haste.
Literally half an hour later, he tries to call her, but she drops it. He understands that she can, for example, wash the floors and with damp and dirty hands will not pick up the phone, because you need to have time to do the cleaning before bedtime, already late in the evening.
An hour later, the man begins neurosis from scratch. He sits at work, but for no reason begins to "juggle", the first thought - something is wrong here. Call after call, but the woman still does not pick up the phone, to which the reaction becomes even more aggravated and he calls the closest friend of his woman. The friend promises to find out what the matter is and the reason why the woman does not answer calls. Three minutes later, she calls back and says that a girl came to his woman about a partnership in one network company, and after another three minutes the woman (future wife) calls on Skype in a dressing gown with a towel on her head (allegedly, she got out of the shower) and reports the truth - a man came.
What is a man's first reaction? A betrayal took place! No more (see What to do if you suspect your wife of treason?). But! No proof, how infidelity, and its absence. Moreover, it turns out that this man is her ex. Whom to believe? Whom to listen to? The neurosis that the man experienced can serve as a confirmation of the betrayal? Most likely no. How to prove that the wife has cheated? A question that may remain open forever. Or maybe we saw the answer in a dream for a long time? We have prepared a separate post on this topic: Why dream of a wife’s betrayal?
We listen to the heart.
How to prove your wife's betrayal? In the above case, you can only rely on signs of treason. Yes, they are, moreover, they can tell us the supposed sequence of a woman's actions:
In fact, the neurosis that a man can feel can be justified. The fact is that when a man and a woman have been together for quite a long time, a connection is established between them at the physical level. If the connection is somehow broken, one of the opponents feels it strongly. Violent paranoia (persecution mania) may follow, followed by a nervous state.
In the above case, our hero cannot be physically close to his wife, therefore, he cannot refute the thoughts associated with treason. We listen to the heart, if a wife is pure, she will tell the whole truth from start to finish, and also reveal the reason why she decided to resort to deception. In this case, you need to refer to your inner wounds, because of which there was uncertainty in your wife and not look for an answer to the question "How to prove your wife's betrayal?" If you find signs, then already move away from them, a link to the corresponding article was provided.
We look around.
Since it is almost impossible to prove that a wife has cheated with another man, it is necessary from the moment when suspicions arose, to pay attention to the little things. Again, understand that the cheating woman is ready in advance for all sorts of variations of the dialogue, so it is not recommended to start it on the day of the suspicions that begin. Also, try to devote as little conversation as possible to interpersonal issues (avoid a showdown in the relationship).
If your wife is not cheating on you for long, then she will be extremely vigilant and careful in dialogues, correspondence, attention, etc. If cheating is a recurring event, she can relax and miss any moments, for example:
Having felt all the signs, many men begin to take revenge and punish in a variety of ways. We have prepared excellent materials on this topic: How to take revenge on my wife for treason? and How to punish a cheating wife?
If you are not ready to wait for some trifle to be revealed, you can resort to the most serious measures to identify the misconduct. It will be discussed below.
Spy options.
There is nothing more difficult than proving the betrayal of his wife. But! For a long time in the network there are a great many opportunities, among which the following are distinguished:
This is, of course, the very last resort. We do not recommend resorting to it, because we know about the consequences when the wife finds out that her own husband did not leave her completely free space. Moreover, if it turns out that there is no betrayal and you, due to your own weaknesses, distant grievances and scars on your heart from previous women, simply wind yourself up, then in most cases, it will be difficult for your wife to “understand and forgive”.
Can't prove that your wife cheated?
If you still could not find the very little thing that you can catch on to, then you have only two ways:
- To part (divorce), believing that this offense still took place in order not to torture either himself or his wife;
- Forget, explaining the paranoid state by former losses, wounds ...
About the first. If you are sure that wife to you changed but you are not able to do it prove then ask myself the question "Do I see the point in giving my own life to this woman or not?" The fact is that, having lost confidence in your spouse, you will drag out the process of self-hypnosis for many years and in any case leave the family, or bring yourself to such a mental state that it can affect the physical (neurology, oncology, cardiology).
About the second. You must sort out your past. Frequent "kicks" are common among men who grew up without their own fathers or mothers, as well as among people who did not feel sufficient parental love in childhood, starting their search for it at a transitional age. Sometimes the first bad love Article: First love. What is its role in human life? Psychological analysis of the author's history.
Opens in a new tab. can put a label on all subsequent women whom a man later meets. All these are the most common signs of distrust and dripping in oneself, not only among the male population, by the way, but also among the female population.
Remember! Not the fact that your wife could cheat on you. Start by analyzing the reason why you began to suspect your beloved, from this and build on.
You can check your spouse for signs of cheating.
Cheating with the permission of her husband unrealistically excites women
Unrealistic it sounds of course, but cheating with the permission of the husband, this is the reality of an intimate family life and somehow I myself even had to witness a real infidelity and wife cheated on her husband then with his permission... True, I must say that it's not easy husband to agree to treason wives it was, but I had to.
By the way, I am not only a witness cheating wife was, with the permission of her husband, but also a direct participant, although also, he did not immediately agree to this. Too much unrealistic it all looked. I certainly heard that wives cheat on husbands sometimes with their consent, but never faced such a thing before. Besides, husband who gave wife consent to treason, was my best friend, with whom we were friends from early childhood.
Cheating with the permission of the husband
So he came to me one day with an unusual and unreal proposal. I immediately noticed that something was wrong with my friend. He hesitated for a long time, obviously wanted to say something, but he seemed to be afraid, even though we had no secrets since childhood. And here on you, hesitates. But when I tried out what he wanted to tell me, I was shy myself.
You bet ... It turned out that my friend got stuck up to the tomatoes. Bye wife I went to the village to see my mother, I had fun with the mistress of the young house. There at home, right in bed, with the girl wife and burned him. Burned and immediately decided to divorce with husband a traitor, but divorce my friend with wife did not want to. Cool with him wife... I myself would not mind having fun with such a woman, and she more than once hinted to me that she was ready to try with mine. But, for the sake of friendship, I did not go for treason.
And now, after much persuasion and many hours of crawling on my knees, my friend still has a chance at my wife received, only the condition was set by the infection. An eye for an eye. Since you cheated on me and I saw you naked in bed with a woman naked, so I must cheat on you so that you and the man would also look at me. That would not be offensive. You can - he says - bring me a man himself, so that there would be no conversations later.
I instantly understood what wife made up a friend. Kill two birds with one stone. AND husband To take revenge on the unfaithful one and to indulge in bed with me, as she had wanted such an infection for a long time. Women, people are insidious and cunning and often, one way or another, achieve what they want. She knew perfectly well that husband her cheater, will run to me for help. And who else, if not your best friend. The insidious knew wife that I won't tell you how she wanted to drag me into bed. I was not a talker and I was not going to ruin my friend's family life. But I agreed to help a friend and wife to fuck him in front of his eyes, far from immediately. Somehow it was all wild. I seem to have been without complexes for a long time, but everything is somehow unrealistic looked.
But my friend, with tears in his eyes, begged me for two hours. There was no one else for him to turn to with such an intimate matter. Only to me ... In the end, I had to agree and make an appointment for the weekend in the late afternoon. Wife I told my truth that I would go to a friend. For a long time, they say, we did not meet mentally, even with an overnight stay, just in case, I asked wives... You never know what ... Who knows how it will go there.
At first, things went hard, of course. We sat and drank the three of us for courage, but could not relax in any way. Still, an unusual case awaited us. Husband then permission wife gave on treason but where to start, none of the three of us knew. So they sat, red as boiled crayfish, until I offered to dance. In dance, it’s easier to relax. You can press a woman while dancing, you can stroke, or you can kiss. I even felt through my dress that wife My friend did not wear underwear. There weren't even panties. This means that the woman was ready for anything, since she came out to us without panties.
I whispered to the shameless wife that let's say, we'll give you Irka massage in four hands. So, maybe we'll all relax. Massage, it is also useful for women and relaxes great. Irka happily agreed. She jumped out somewhere and returned already wrapped in a sheet. Well, at least not completely undressed ... But this is how it began cheating with the permission of the husband.
Settled down wife a friend on the sofa, she lowered the sheet on her hips and my friend and I began to massage his wife. He backrest, I legs. Things got better, and soon I pulled off the sheet from wives friend. The woman's ass also had to be massaged. Moreover, the ass was already naked, like herself wife friend. She turned out to be a good bitch in her naked form. And the shame had already disappeared somewhere, while we massage her in four hands. She moaned only sometimes, caught a buzz, and moved her ass under my hands.
And when I noticed a wet spot on the sheet under the woman, I realized that it was time. A woman has flowed and is already ready husband to cheat with the permission of the husband... My friend, too, realized that it was time for me to get down to business and rolled aside. He sat down in a chair and closed his eyes. Start saying - buddy.
I started ... Itself, it was already wound up for a long time, so I did not waste time. I just felt sorry for my friend. When wife he began to moan loudly under me, he opened his eyes and stared at us with some crazy look. I had to help out a friend. In such a state of ecstasy, a woman will not notice how many men are pleasing her now. I knew this for sure, and therefore nodded to my friend. Come on, they say, join. A woman can accept more than one man at the same time. Everyone knows this. So I moved closer to the face, and my friend took my place.
And her woman, what ... She opened her mouth herself, feeling something hard and hot against her lips and moaning only with pleasure. When two men humor a woman who is wound up, she has twice the buzz. I think she would have admitted the third with pleasure if it had been him. But, there was no third and we pleased wife a friend together, for everyone. She seemed to have lost her mind and did such that it is impossible to convey in words.
I didn’t know - my friend whispers to me - what wife I have such a cool one in bed. Where are my girls before her. And what the hell was I just cheating on such a woman. There is no price for it ... Now I will lick it from morning to evening and wear it on my hands. How things turned out. Appreciated husband to wife only when she with his permission, she cheated on her husband in front of my eyes... This is how it happens in life.
But we licked his insatiable wife then together from head to toe because our strength was already running out and she wasn’t enough Apparently, for the first time in her life, such a woman caught a high and couldn’t get enough of even two men at the same time
So my friend and I fell asleep, hugging him naked, wet, hot wife and slept dead sleep until morning. In the morning, of course, it was embarrassing for everyone, but not that much. After all, to be honest, everyone got a buzz. AND wife which cheated on her husband with permission and me and husband cuckold, too. So, it was a sin to complain about life and we parted as friends. But not for long.
A couple of days later, my friend was with me again. Appeared and stunned with the news ... Wife they say, my still wants cheat on her husband from my permissions... Few - says - once. She doesn't know how many times I cheated on her. So he wants to be on the safe side, just in case. Help - he says - also to me. And he hides his little eyes. I immediately realized that he husband, also liked the way it was wife him before our eyes cheats with the permission of her husband. And participate in such cheating wife, I liked it too - I would say so bluntly, I want to say that you and I together, my wife fucked. We're friends, after all.
To be honest, I also liked it then, so I was glad to help my friend and we arranged it more than once. treason his wives with his husband's permission... And she went like this treason, his wife for good. Rejuvenated wife friend soon, for ten years the infection, Without any drugs, rejuvenated. Like a girl jumping. I even began to envy my friend. Such wife snatched the beauty, bastard. Now, here I am thinking, how would wife to persuade her, so that she with my permissions to me changed.
It hurts good for women, cheating with the permission of the husband... Both for health and for the psyche. Wife, at my friend's, affectionate now, like a kitten purring. Sucks up to husband that he would often be hers permission to treason gave. Probably I will go too, mine wife persuade for treason... What time to waste. Let it go changes... Only, from my husband's consent and with my direct participation. And then, you never know what can happen.
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Permission to treason
yachtweek - 11/10/2014 I read the following story on a local forum: my husband went to rest with his eldest son in the summer, and after the rest he changed: he became all so mysterious, thoughtful and glows. She also constantly corresponds with a friend on VKontakte. The wife suspected something was wrong, pestered with questions and split her husband: it turns out that he fell in love. As a result, the VKontakte correspondence with that girl (it turned out that it was not a friend at all) ended, and conversations with his wife turned into a different channel: the husband admitted that he wanted to try with other women, that he had been looking at others for a long time and it became intrusive an idea that he himself cannot get rid of. He has been living with this problem for several years and is morally tired, but his conscience does not allow him to change. Let his wife let him go, he will walk up, and they will continue to live a quiet family life.
He is the first and only one with his wife, and she is his second, before that he lived with another girl. I haven’t walked up, so now I want to make up for lost time. He invites his wife to try with others, let her experience how it is. She does not want to get divorced, she loves her, and she suits him in everything: both at home and in bed. And he suits her too: he helps with the children and around the house. There are two children, the youngest is one and a half years old and he is still breastfed.
The wife had already thought, let him go free, let him walk, play enough and return to her. But just in case, I turned to the members of the forum for advice.
And here are some tips poured in:
My husband just got bored. You need to change yourself, maybe you are too modest in bed or are you just lazy? Give him the emotions he wants, and letting him cheat is the surest way to divorce.
In my opinion, your husband is an ordinary goat. For him, the solution to the problem is to go on about base passions, but he does not want to go to a psychologist or to please his wife so that her eyes light up. Give him another woman.
Hit the bitch. Leave a couple of times without dinner, let him wash the socks, spend the day off with the children, and hang out with your girlfriends. And don't say where you are. Come home with flowers, that will be his emotions!
Jump out in the evening to the store for bread, and return home in the morning, drunk in "trash", in men's family shorts on the left side. He'll have adrenaline!
Take out his brain for a week, attributing it later to hormonal disruption after childbirth.
Sex is important, but not important. Is it a problem when a husband insults his wife by the fact that he wants to climb on others with her permission, this is not a problem, but the involvement of third parties and promiscuity. When he made children with her, it sparked, but now the family crisis is poorly survived with dignity.
In general, all the advice came down to the fact that the wife began to behave like a pig: she walked, did nothing at home and made scandals to her husband. Then he will not have time for his mistress, because all his strength will be spent on solving everyday problems and settling conflicts with his wife. And everyone agreed that the husband was a goat, a whiner and a rag, who shifted all responsibility for his betrayal to his wife, they say, there is nothing for me to suffer alone, let her also suffer. And such a goat definitely needs to be divorced.
Your husband is good - the most natural whiner, and not a noble hero who shares his feelings with his wife. It would be better if he went to the left, buzzed on the sly and returned to the family, and not loaded his wife's brain. Where is the world heading ?!
Indeed, where is the world heading if cheating is much more familiar than frank conversations with your wife? Well, even if the husband pokes into someone else's body, then he will return to her happy and will live happily ever after: in sorrow and in joy, in wealth and in poverty, in illness and in health. After all, it is much worse when the betrayal is not physical, but mental, because if the husband fell in love with another, then the family is over.
How blinkered people are, how stereotyped they think. "Yes, your husband is an asshole, and mine is never ..." Take off your rose-colored glasses. Well, yes, yours definitely never, but where, then, according to statistics, so many betrayals? Who are all these men who cheat, are they only other people's husbands? And by the way, with whom are they cheating, with other people's wives?
In my opinion, the fact that he trusted his wife and told her about his feelings is worth a lot. Because all men look at other women, they just don't admit it to their wives. And the wives are watching too. And there is nothing wrong with that, because watching is not a synonym for treason. Another would secretly cheat in his place, but this conscientious one, decided to open up to his wife. Yes, I'm just glad for them that they finally get to know each other for real after so many years of marriage, and let the others live in pink glasses.
Although I do not exclude the possibility that the betrayal has already taken place, and this torments him. Therefore, now he is simply preparing his wife for the fact that he will soon confront her with a fait accompli.
I would advise them now to talk more, communicate, simulate various situations that may arise and options for their possible behavior in them. We need to look for a solution together and try to come to a compromise. To which? I don’t know, they will understand it over time. But getting divorced because of this is definitely not worth it, especially since in all other respects the husband is characterized as positive.
Do you think he did the right thing when he told his wife? What advice would you give her now, how to behave, what to do?
How to deal with a cheating wife
The worst thing is not to find out about his wife's betrayal. The worst thing begins after.
When you don't know how to get these thoughts out of your head. When you live with her in the same apartment, you sleep in the same bed and think that until recently she was with another man.
The main thing is to decide for yourself whether you really want to keep this relationship. And survive the betrayal of his wife. Or is it worth parting.
You know, a pumped man has no reason to be jealous. And they will not cheat on him. He is confident in himself and in his woman.
How to survive the betrayal of your wife?
Come on with garlic, you are not reading this article from a good life!
You either ended up in the friend zone, or a girl dumped you, or you don’t understand shit at all what’s going on.
Question: how long are you willing to endure all this? How long are you willing to make the same mistakes and how long are you willing to step on the same rake?
The longer you dumb, the faster your girlfriend will find herself a decent man.
Get a working model of behavior with a girl and become a worthy man!
How to cope with a cheating wife:
Understand, if the wife is cheating - it's not just that. Women don't go left for a bigger penis.
Unless she's a whore, of course. You need to choose more carefully.
A normal woman is not cheating for sex. Chances are, you have serious communication and understanding problems in your relationship.
Most often this is a lack of attention when you spend a lot of time at work. Or you have changed, forgotten a bolt on your wife, relaxed, do not deal with her and your marriage. You don't hear her, you are not interested in her life and feelings. Sound familiar?
Moreover, I will say with 100% probability that she has repeatedly hinted at her displeasure to you. And even offered solutions. Do you remember?
Remember if you heard her phrases: "Let's fly to rest, reboot", "Be at home more often", "Children miss you" etc. But you ignored her, put off your family until later, you were busy with business. And now I have to read my article.
Understand that she takes from her lover what you do not give her at home. And this is hardly sex. Rather, it is attention, communication, passion. Everything that you gave at the beginning of the relationship, and now stopped.
The most difficult thing that you need to do now is to understand the reason why your wife went for treason. And admit that you are partly to blame.
Think over everything, calm down, sort out your feelings and attitude to the current situation. Namely, make the decision whether you want to resume and fix the situation, or prefer to stop.
Think if you really love her or is it just a habit? Are you sure you can't imagine your life without your wife or don't you want to let her go because you are comfortable together?
Have you pushed her into treason? Who is really to blame?
Do you want to communicate with a girl in the same language? Do you want to understand her?
After reading it, you:
- you will figure out what is going on in the girl's head, what motivates her,
- what the girl really wants
- and most importantly, HOW you need to communicate with her, so that she understands you, and you understand her
1. You don't tell her that you know about cheating.
Option one. You have considered the whole situation and understand that there is a share of your fault. And the beloved made a mistake because she was not happy with you.
It will be much easier psychologically for her. The guilt for treason will not be announced. And all that remains for her is to experience shame within herself.
Sometime in the future, you may want to talk about this. But for now, focus on making your couple happy.
If you already understood what your mistakes were, start correcting them.
Be at home more often, delegate responsibilities at work, free up time for your family. Remember how you were at the beginning of the relationship. Bring back the romance, pay attention to your wife. Be a good husband and discourage all possible desires to go to the side.
Perhaps you've run yourself out and out of shape? Perhaps he’s no longer interested in anything other than his job and meeting friends on weekends? Maybe you didn't give her a feeling of being cared for and protected?
Analyze all these things and think about what you could be better at. What could you change in yourself to be proud of yourself.
Take my training "God of Sex" and become the perfect lover, whom she will run after with a mattress!
A woman will merge all her lovers if the one she once loved appears next to her. New you, pumped you.
2. You talk to her and you solve the problem together.
If you did not really like the option to remain silent, and you want to throw out all your emotions and resentment, you can talk to her directly.
Remember that this should be a calm and dignified conversation without accusations or insults.
Your goal is to find out with her all the priorities in your family, rebuild relationships, start from scratch.
Explain that the cheating hurt you a lot, but you want to fix the situation. Ask what she doesn't like about your couple and your behavior. You will be able to better understand and listen to her after a frank conversation.
Most likely, you missed a lot that was important to her. And do not put off change, be for her the man she wants.
In each pair, everything is very individual, and I cannot guess what exactly she will answer you. But if you choose to be honest, speak to her directly and openly. Be ready to rebuild what has begun to crumble.
Do not move away from her during this period. I understand that your pride is greatly hurt. But don't be cold to her, don't act like you are strangers. On the contrary, surround her with warmth, attention and care. So that she understands how much you love her.
3. Get divorced.
In the event that you understand that you do not want to restore anything, announce a divorce.
Male and female infidelity are two different things.
The girl always does it on purpose and because of psychological discomfort with you.
If you understand that it’s time to end, and there will be nothing good further, gather your will into a fist and break off the relationship.
If you have no desire to correct the mistakes of your couple, it is better to let your wife go to the man who wants to.
Read my article on how to properly break up with your wife, and do everything in the best possible way.
Do you want to know how to turn a woman's "NO" into a woman's "YES"?
Register for a FREE video course and you will find out:
- Reasons why you have difficulties with a girl
- 7 critical mistakes you make when communicating with a girl
- Thinking of a successful man
After completing this course,you:
Afraid that she will cheat? Do you think how to prevent your wife from cheating? Relationships are built by two. From the first day to the last. If one of you is alone.
Cheating is a heavy blow to relationships that often kills them. It doesn't matter if you or she cheated. For the second of you, this is a betrayal. How did the revolt.
In the last article, you read how to quarrel and resolve conflicts correctly. Today we'll talk about how to find out if your wife is cheating. If male infidelity is a leg.
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How to forgive a wife's betrayal and glue a broken heart?
How to forgive your wife's betrayal? Will the advice of a psychologist help? Only your own heart will surely answer these questions.
If there has been a betrayal in your life and your wife betrayed your earlier vows, then it is difficult to describe the whole gamut of negative feelings raging inside you.
This is hatred, and resentment, and fear of losing a loved one, and sincere bewilderment - why did it happen?
- Why did your wife cheat? The reasons for this act
- How to forgive a wife's betrayal - what Orthodoxy says
- Books to help you figure it out
- Shock - Fear - Anger
- Resentment - Despair - Self-doubt
- Aggression - Detachment - Awareness
- Finding a solution - Restructuring - Exit from the situation
- How to live on?
- Are you ready to forgive?
- Are you able to forget about the fact of treason forever?
- Can you work on yourself as a couple?
- We often tend to ignore the negative things in our life.
- But why is this happening? What is at the heart of it all. All answers are collected in this book.
- Perhaps love, kissing, cheating is all "evolutionary programming"?
- The book answers the question of how nature affects our behavior, and tells about many interesting, modern scientific facts.
- A detailed study of the phenomenon of female infidelity in all its aspects.
- It will make you reconsider your views on the issue and see that betrayal is the result of the pressure of the attitudes of modern society. Is it so? Biologist's point of view.
- A book for couples who want to rehabilitate or are afraid to ruin their relationship.
- The psychiatry professor and biologist give actionable advice, point out the causes of conflict and help avoid them.
Believe me, I know what treason is. This is impossible to prepare for, and even harder to forgive.
This is an incredibly painful feeling, which gives rise to a lot of questions: "how to live further?", "Is it worth forgiving?", "Will this person be faithful to me in the future?"
There is emptiness in the soul and a complete unwillingness to live.
And although I can't know for sure what kind of betrayal has blackened your life, I hope my female perspective on the problem and psychological education will help you decide what to do next.
Why did your wife cheat? The reasons for the act
Everything around can change, but our love is eternal. Unfortunately, this is not so.
The family is like a flower, you need to take care of it, water it, give it love and invest, invest, invest. There is no other way.
Cheating becomes an ordeal for a married couple.
Quite often, husbands forget about it, and let everything go by itself.
A woman suffers, tries to maintain the hearth of love herself, but at a certain moment everything collapses.
Perhaps you feel like you've tried your best and feel cheated.
But someone else's soul is darkness, and you might simply not understand that not everything is known about the experiences of the second half.
Consider the common causes of female infidelity:
Loneliness
Women do everything to fill the house with coziness, they enjoy children's laughter, they long for the smile of their beloved.
But if there is none of this, and the husband is constantly at work or on business trips, then it becomes lonely, and sometimes unbearable.
Treason is the result of despair, because the past years cannot be returned, emptiness at home, old age slowly creeps in.
She just wanted to feel loved and the only one, as once.
Loneliness often pushes women to a terrible act.
Curiosity
In my opinion, you can replace this word with "out of stupidity." This kind of betrayal occurs when the husband was the first and only sexually and at some point it became interesting: "Will it be the same with the other?"
But here the question is, why did she even have this idea in her head, because if a man is loved, then he is always desirable, what does someone else have to do with it?
It is worth thinking about how she really treats you if she just decided to ruin the marriage out of banal curiosity?
Sexuality factor
For some, sex plays an exclusive role, for others, spiritual intimacy is much more desirable.
Perhaps your wife is one of those who can no longer restrain her sexuality.
Don't forget about the sexuality factor.
You should not cross out this factor just because you have been together for a very long time.
A sexually dissatisfied woman who is hooked on passion can do a lot of stupid things.
Of course, things like dissatisfaction and lack of orgasms should be discussed as soon as something goes wrong.
But often women are afraid to talk about their feelings until they accumulate so much negativity that in the end it destroys everything that has been built for so long.
Who is to blame here? Most likely both. He did not pay enough attention and tenderness, did not guess her desires, she tried to ignore the problem.
It’s unsuccessful. As a result, the family collapses from simple physiology.
Forgiving, trusting, and learning not to check will be incredibly difficult.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal and be again together?
Men are prone to self-flagellation. One wise man said: “Treason is a whip. It only lashes once, and we inflict all subsequent blows on ourselves. "
Will you, each time having sex with your wife, imagine what it was like with "him"? Answer and everything will become clear.
Revenge
This is the most destructive and wrong way, but it is practiced quite often. The husband has cheated, and his wife is gnawing at a pitch-black resentment.
She can be angry, despise and desire revenge. Perhaps she naively thought: "This will make me feel better and he will understand how painful it is."
Oh, how wrong this is! There will be no satisfaction. Only pain, tears and disgust for myself. This is a path to self-destruction and rather a consequence of self-flagellation and despair.
Dealing with the situation will not be easy.
In the worst case, she will be carried away by a new relationship, and she will try to start everything from scratch, leaving you "overboard."
Ordinary and lack of attention
Yes, a banal life is capable of ruining even the best aspirations.
When was the last time you gave your beloved flowers for no reason? Did you have a romantic dinner?
But nerves, discontent, resentment accumulate day by day and gradually oust love from your life.
Perhaps she is tired of being content with that minimum of attention allocated to her and just wants to live brightly, to feel desirable again!
And at home, at home - dishes, the husband's grunts on duty, everything is the same in a circle to the point of irritation.
It is important to realize that two are always to blame for the problem.
Do not think that the midlife crisis overtakes only men, women also sometimes lose all sorts of life orientations.
They are driven to future mistakes by the fear of death and old age, and also by the fact that, most likely, it will always be so.
Advice: do not lead to sin, take care and pamper your wife. If cheating has already happened, and you want to return it, transform your attitude towards your beloved, listen to her and transform your life together so that both of you are happy.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal and move on. Do you need it?
The tragedy happened and you are tormented by the question of how to forgive your wife's betrayal and save your family. After all, this is the most valuable thing you have!
Prepare for the fact that this path will not be easy. You will go through many of the most unpleasant stages in your life.
And there is no point in running, hiding from them, and there will be no benefit, it is important to feel each stage and subsequently it will help you decide what to do next.
You will most likely experience:
Perhaps the woman simply ceased to feel needed and loved and was bogged down with her head in everyday life.
The first thing to do is to speak frankly with your wife.
Even if it starts with mutual insults, speak out, let her do the same, try to understand what happened to your marriage.
Realize that everything that happened to you is the result of mutual actions.
Find out if there is a place for repentance, what exactly happened in her soul, what prompted her to change how she feels about this.
If the wife repents, you still have a chance.
Of course, you can only answer on your own how to forgive your wife's betrayal and whether it is necessary to do it. Do not listen to anyone, listen only to yourself!
Be prepared for things to change dramatically. Usually a person clings to fond memories and seeks to return the past.
The future is always scary! Do not be afraid of anything, life is not static, nature abhors stagnation, even stones move.
It is important to understand that no one is immune from error.
Most likely, betrayal will make you look at your spouse in a new way and understand whether you love her despite the circumstances, is this marriage necessary?
Or for a long time you have been living by inertia and are enjoying this unstable stability and "playing with the family."
The wife did a terrible thing anyway, but she may have been more honest with herself than you.
You may discover that the spouse is the only loved one in the whole world. Realization is very important.
If you are tormented by the dilemma of how to forgive your wife's betrayal, outside advice is unlikely to help here, if it does not make it worse.
Friends will speak only from the height of their own ego and circumstances.
They cannot know the true state of affairs and understand your feelings 100%, therefore an objective assessment is impossible.
Work on yourself will take two
And what an assessment when it comes to your feelings. Time must pass and the answer will be found.
But this cannot be a volitional decision, but, most likely, the result of inner work on oneself and the personality as a whole.
Will you be able to live with the knowledge that you have been changed? Every day and hour.
If so, then incredible work on yourself will be required, and the chosen one will need a complete atonement for such behavior.
You will have to forget everything and rebuild your relationship, clear them of misunderstandings, lies, grievances and mutual accusations.
This will be an expression of sincere, real, all-forgiving love, in a sense, sacrifice for the sake of a common goal and a new start.
It will be difficult, it will take time, but if you are ready, then together you will move to the highest stage of absolutely honest relationship, which you did not know before.
Advice: pondering how to forgive your wife's betrayal? Ask a psychologist for advice. He will not actively tell you what to do, but he will help you survive and recover from the peak point of the crisis.
You should only try if you feel strong enough to forgive.
How to forgive a wife's betrayal - what says orthodoxy
If you open the Bible, you will see that the Lord allowed divorce on the basis of treason.
Adultery is a terrible sin, and in the Old Testament it is even stricter: adultery is an abomination in the eyes of God. In ancient Israel, such an act was punishable by death.
By getting divorced, you are pushing her to commit adultery.
And she will ask for forgiveness from God and resolutely reject everything that was associated with this sin, as well as that which corrupts sexually, in order to drive out fornication.
She simply lacks attention
Archpriest Alexy Uminsky, rector of the Moscow Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in Khokhly, emphasizes that in modern society this sin is weakly condemned and is considered almost part of ordinary life.
But this is more a search for an excuse for oneself than the truth.
The attitude to the wedding is also mistaken. Married couples resort to it, as if symbolically moving to a new level of relationship, often when there was marital infidelity.
Many consider the Sacrament, almost a guarantor of marital fidelity, to be an occult mechanism.
It is not right: «… The sacrament of the Wedding does not guarantee family happiness to a person, it only opens up opportunities for this through constant work, through life according to the Gospel in its entirety. "
Advice: talk with your spiritual mentor, go through the Sacrament of Penance and Communion, find consolation in prayer, this will help you to strengthen your moral strength.
Psychologist's advice. The end or just the beginning of the road?
After you find out about the fact of betrayal, live for some time separately, or even better - change the situation completely.
Everyone experiences such moments in their own way, but everyone, without exception, needs to come to their senses and think.
It is impossible to name the exact time for such a pause, it could be a week, month, season, more.
Think about how marriage changed your life and try to put yourself in the shoes of your spouse.
You may want to forgive with all your heart, but simply not be able to overpower yourself.
Take your time, just actively relive this time, that's enough.
Over time, your reflections will certainly lead you to a thought-decision “how to live on” and how to forgive the betrayal of your wife.
Sometimes the advice of an experienced psychologist and faith in the future help keep the family together.
Perhaps you should be like individual sessions and speak out, tell everything as it is and, together with a specialist, look at the situation from the outside, like a stranger.
It will be appropriate over time to invite your wife to the reception and talk frankly, listen to her arguments.
It is worth finding out the answers to the following questions:
If you cannot figure it out on your own, seek help from a psychologist.
Please note that you will never have to remember this and not reproach the situation, even during heated quarrels that are inevitable in the life of any couple.
You will have to understand, accept and erase all past mistakes, hers and yours, and not drag the burden of resentment through life.
As a result, it will be worse for you in the first place.
Even at the physical level, this manifests itself in a negative way, provoking various diseases.
Only sincere, truly Christian forgiveness can help you piece your marriage together and give your wife a second chance.
Pride has nothing to do with happiness. Love is sometimes a heavy burden, but it's worth it.
Books that will help you understand the psychological aspect of the issue
Personally, I advise you to approach the issue thoroughly, and, regardless of which side of treason you find yourself on, study the literature presented.
It will help you understand yourself, find out the mechanisms of treason and how all this manifests itself in our life.
It will be difficult to start from scratch, but nothing is impossible in the world.
Freud-Birell "The Psychology of Betrayal and Treason"
Robin Dunbar "The Science of Love and Cheating"
Robin Baker, Bed Wars. Infidelity, Sexual Conflict and the Evolution of Relationships "
Brian Alexander, Larry Young. “The chemistry of love. A scientific view of love, sex and attraction "
Advice: if possible, give love a second chance! But remember, there can be no guarantees.
- How and when to apply to the registry office? Registration of marriage in questions and answers So, you have already announced to relatives and friends that you have decided to get married. Now you need to take the first step - to submit an application to the registry office. This article contains everything you need to submit [...]
Commentary by sexologist, psychotherapist E.A. Kulgavchuk for the magazine "Cosmopolitan"
Husband and wife "officially" allow each other to cheat. What is your opinion on this as a sexologist? Is deliberate permission to change considered a deviation from the norm? Or if both partners are happy with it, is that okay?
Norms can be social, medical, and even spiritual. The Eskimos offer their wife as tea to guests. And this is considered the norm with them. A couple can be satisfied with having third-party sexual partners, open or closed. But this can be condemned by their own microsociium, from neighbors to children and parents. Therefore, this is a conditional phenomenon. That is, as in the well-known proverb, "every hut has its own toys." However, as a rule, it is less acceptable for women than for men due to biological strategies. A woman must be confident in the reliability of a man. Indeed, during pregnancy and raising a child, she needs help and support, and not that she is not exchanged through the "trade-in" system.
Who is more likely to initiate this format of relationships (man / woman, least loving partner)?
More often they are men, and more often they are a less loving partner. You are not allowed to ride your favorite bike or car. Even to my best friends.
Why do people (mutually) allow cheating?
I see several reasons for this:
To spare myself the need to lie. This is often a kind of license. Removal of feelings of guilt.
To maintain family status for any purpose (for the sake of the child, common business), etc.
In my practice, there are even cases of creating a family and preserving it by homosexuals for these purposes. Or, for example, when asked why a man continues to live with an unloved woman, some patients answer that they are sorry to lose part of their property.
To realize their sexual fantasies (some are pleased with the thought that his partner belongs not only to him). In this case, we often see masochistic and homosexual tendencies. In addition, there is a desire to see firsthand that the partner is still of value to others to increase the intra-pair value according to the mechanism: "everyone needs it and I need it."
To assert yourself (to prove your attractiveness). To try and hold on to a partner. More often these are manipulative techniques with a high degree of risk. A kind of relationship surgery without medical education and without operating room conditions.
There is not just one reason. More often it is a unique combination. There can be resentments and attempts to increase self-esteem and many other cocktails. When I work with a couple, sometimes unconscious motives are also clarified, from the influence of previous experience to the execution of scripts of parental behavior.
Question to psychologists
Hello! I am very interested in the opinion of psychologists, especially male psychologists. The situation is as follows. I am dating a man, everything is great in our relationship. I know that he loves me and I love him too. We trust each other and talk about everything honestly. He is a very kind person and curious. Likes to try everything new. Well brought up. There is the following dilemma in our relationship, which we often discuss and cannot come to a common conclusion. It consists in the fact that he wants to sleep with other girls. As he says - he is interested and wants to get new experience. Before me, he did not have many girls; for a long time he was a rather modest young man. (He is 34 now) He also says that he has something like a list of girls he would like to try to sleep with. For example: with a French woman, a Spanish woman, etc. Well, of course he says that he wants to sleep with other girls just for a change. One day at the beginning of our relationship, I decided to try to let him sleep with another. I let him go to the sauna with a friend, where they ordered prostitutes. After that incident, I realized that for me the monogamy of a partner is a difficult test and, ideally, for myself, I would like to have absolute polygamy. But the fact is that I understand that he has such a personality. I even think that it is to some extent not fair when one person restricts the freedom of another, deprives him of all the colors of life, so to speak) But on the other hand, I do not adhere to the widespread opinion that monogamy in men is inherent in nature. I believe that this suggestion of society is simple. Because if it were at the level of instincts, then there would not be a single polygamous man in the world, but such men exist. This is the dilemma. I don’t know how to behave, so that neither myself nor himself is at a loss. Should he be allowed occasionally with his friends to occasionally have fun in the sauna with call girls and fill out his list. Or strictly stand on the position of polygamy, waiting for him to finally grow up and understand that this is not so necessary for him. Or maybe I need to grow up and just accept him as he is? Although he cannot even think that I, too, sleep with other men. He only wants to be able to) I, by the way, have no need to sleep with someone else. I'm not curious because I have no idea what new I can see there)) I also have a slight fear that if he is forbidden in ten years, he will still cheat on me, just secretly (although this is not in his nature, I I think. .) And if that I asked him whether everything suits him in bed with me and he says that he is happy with everything.
I look forward to your responses and thank you in advance for your attention.
Received 3 advice - consultations from psychologists, to the question: Should a man be allowed to cheat sometimes?
Hello Anastasia.
Such experiments can take place in pairs if both partners have the same point of view on the question. You, as I understood, have a rejection of what the young man offers you.
Anastasia
I also have a slight fear that if he is forbidden, then in ten years he will still cheat on me, just secretly
If you allow him to meet with girls for experiments, but in ten years will you not develop aversion to the young man, because you will not have any positive feelings from his "experiments".
Anastasia
Although he cannot even think that I, too, sleep with other men. He only wants to be able to)
Such a double standard. After a while, this will also strain you in the relationship if you follow the path that the young man offers you.
Anastasia
And if I asked him if everything suits him in bed with me and he says that he is happy with everything.
If everything suits you both in bed, then why not look in a couple for what he is looking for on the side. Who forbids you to experiment? Try role-playing games: one day African passions, another day the stiffness of an English lady, etc. There is nothing that you could not forbid yourself in a relationship, if both partners agree with it.
All the best.
Pabst Lyubov Veniaminovna, psychologist Dresden, Skype consultations
Good answer 3 Bad answer 1Anastasia, hello. Will you be able to live with it if he cheats on you from time to time? Will you accept his outlook on life? Would a "well-mannered man" not mind if you also sometimes cheated on him? If you are ready to accept "such a vulnerable soul and personality", then you can live with him and allow everything. If NO, then it is necessary to put an end to these relations or BOTH to turn to a psychologist, sex therapist, in order to really start to solve the problem and learn harmonious relationships in a couple, without betrayal. A positive result will be only if the man is aware of his problem. The decision is up to you. Much in this situation depends on what you personally want and your attitude to the situation. If there is a desire, please contact us for skype consultation. With all my heart, I wish you GOOD LUCK and SUCCESS IN EVERYTHING !!!
Igor Flying-psychologist, master of psychology, online (Skype) consultant
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0Anastasia, let's first understand the concepts.
Monogamy is a relationship with one woman. Polygamy - with many.
Your man is young, active and curious. Not one of those who sit by the hearth, finding their happiness in children. By and large, many are attracted to sexual exploits in a similar situation. Most men hide it, practice diversity and create families with one woman with whom they will live most of their lives. At the same time, they hide their polygamy from their legal spouse, which, as a rule, does not make it easier for her. Of course, you can talk a lot about the fact that your man is not ripe for deep relationships, that diversity can be represented in a pair, etc. But this does not change the essence of the matter: no matter how attractive you are, no matter what you come up with in sex, he will still want intimate relationships with other women. Usually in this situation, men say: if I like apples, why shouldn't I like oranges? In other words, a man shares an emotional, spiritual closeness with a woman and sex. He perceives sex differently from you - by loving touch to the dearest person. For him, this is partly a sport, the release of endorphins, adrenaline and a way of self-affirmation in his male role. His sex with other women is not something that does not detract from his love for you, he is generally parallel, not related to you. This is how men explain their position. This is also confirmed by nature: it is evolutionarily important for a man to impregnate as many women as possible. This is a very strong subcortical mechanism. Nature abhors emptiness and excesses. For example, semen contains hormones that accelerate the onset of ovulation in a woman. (so that sperm do not die while waiting in the genital tract of a woman, the semen contains hormones necessary to rupture the follicles and release the egg). In an active, healthy, young man, hormonal status naturally guides behavior stereotypes. It is possible that with age, this desire will change or move into another area. Therefore, you can only accept your man, or not accept him. All people are different, and such outright polygamy is not characteristic of all men. There are men who focus on a slightly different area: they have everything in order with sexuality, but their sphere of interests lies in another area, and they assert themselves through professionalism, hobbies, sports, family relations. Try not to focus on his meetings with other women, agree that he does not advertise this side of life. Give yourself some time to sort out your relationship. Maybe not only this does not suit you? What about polygamy? Do you feel loved, desired, satisfied? Do you pay attention to other men, and maybe it is worth doing? Just for comparison. Examine yourself, try to move away from hot emotions, and assess if you really have the relationship that you both need.
Golysheva Evgeniya Andreevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0
