The formula for a successful marriage is simple and at the same time has its own complexities. A happy family life is impossible without a number of components. What are they - the secrets of family happiness?
1 respect and love
Love is the main condition for a lasting marriage and its foundation. This feeling attracts people to each other, gives rise to affection, awe, trust and respect between them. In the case when a husband and wife quarrel over the division of household duties or simply sort things out between themselves, only sincere love can quickly extinguish the flame of anger and resentment.
Respect for each other is another condition for family well-being. It is important to listen to the opinion of your half and respect each other, even during the period of quarrels and quarrels.
2.Sincere support
Every family has to go through difficulties - material, housing or psychological. And who, if not the closest and beloved person, will be able to support and give advice? It is impossible to overestimate the importance of such support, therefore, never refuse to help your loved ones, be ready to listen and support your loved one, and best of all - become his most reliable friend!
3) accept the person as they are
Speaking about the secrets of family happiness, one should not forget about the shortcomings that each person has. There are many examples of couples who were tied by strong feelings, but their love did not survive in everyday conditions. And the main reason is dissatisfaction with those qualities that were previously closed eyes, mutual claims, the desire to "blind" a person for themselves, etc.
In general, remaking a person is a very thankless task. For a relationship to be long and happy, it is important to learn how to turn the flaws of a loved one into advantages, because sincere love is capable of not such miracles!
4. Joint occupation and lack of competition
Family life means repairing or purchasing a home, buying a car, household appliances and a host of other things and worries. Why not team up with your soul mate and do it together?
Start with the little things - cook dinner (lunch or breakfast) together, do the cleaning together, go jogging in the morning. Most importantly, enjoy the time you spend with your loved one.
Learn to make decisions together, so as not to shift the blame on each other, but to bear equal responsibility. Be a support and support for each other in any endeavors.
In happy marriages, the husband and wife do not compete with each other, who is more successful, who will earn more money, who will cook dinner better, or wash the floor cleaner. The secret of family happiness is the ability to rejoice at the achievement of another. Learn to admire the abilities of your soul mate, and she will answer you in kind.
5 compromise and forgiving
It is human nature to defend oneself and one's opinion to the very end. In problem situations, no one wants to give in, because in this way a person feels that he is losing himself. To maintain a happy relationship, it is very important to seek compromises, stop on time, listen to the opinion of the other person and find some common solution to the problem.
In strong alliances based on love and mutual respect, partners know how to forgive each other and try to quarrel as little as possible.
6 a mutual sense of humor
Humor is especially valuable during quarrels and conflicts. The ability of one of the partners (ideally both) to translate everything into a joke during a showdown is a real gift! If you have this ability or are able to learn it, your relationship will be invaluable.
Having a sense of humor helps a lot in everyday life. Why get mad at each other over a burnt pie when you can laugh and tell this funny story to your friends?
7 your parents and your family
Building relationships with your parents is not as difficult as it seems. Remember that your family is your responsibility, which means that you don't need to call your mom at the first problems and complain. Such complaints can lead to increased resentment and even divorce. Learn to cope with your problems yourself, and let your parents be just close friends for you.
8 nice words and little surprises
Two loving people need affectionate words, touches, kisses and support every day. Getting closer is the key to a strong relationship. You can achieve intimacy with the help of pleasant words, strong hugs, unexpected gifts, etc. It is important that your soul mate feels that they value her! For happy couples, this bonding period lasts throughout their lives.
Many people cannot give a clear definition of the concept of marital happiness. The fact is that each person sees him in his own way, but aspires to some general standards, everything is worth it. Some young girls are of the opinion that the happiest marriage is the one that is concluded by calculation, and some are of the opinion that marriage is very fun, simple and easy, so the statistics of divorce every year in all countries is getting bigger and bigger.
Naturally, until the moment people meet, they see each other in a completely different way, and as soon as a marriage is concluded between them, they have to solve household and financial problems together, for many it becomes overwhelming work.
Let's take a look at the main points to consider before getting married.
First of all, you need to be clearly aware of the fact that you will have to live your whole life with this person. It is necessary to evaluate not only the behavior of a person at home, but also at work, with friends and strangers.
In a real, strong family, loyalty and trust must be present. You should not check your soul mate, if someone is drawn to the side, then most likely your relationship is not so ideal and the right decision would be to let the person go peacefully and calmly, everyone in this case should have their own life.
It is important to treat your soulmate with respect and tolerance. If you do not share your grievances and omissions, then over time, all the same, everything will spill out and the effect of this will be much more sad.
In a happy family, everyone must support each other, so if problems arise, then they must be solved together, and not shoved onto another person.
It is also worth remembering that the family is the most important thing, so you must always find time to be alone, take a walk in the park or go to a cafe.
Try to spend every free minute together, even if you need to do something around the house, do it together, this is the only way you will achieve success in your relationship, and you will have a real, happy family.
Ideas of a happy marriage
"The happiest marriage is by calculation, but the calculation must be correct." Once upon a time I heard this phrase, but I understood its meaning only recently. Young people of today believe that marriage is a holiday. And when they get married, they quickly despair. Hence the crazy number of divorces. In fact, after the wedding, you seem to find yourself on another planet. You see your soul mate from a completely different side, you see flaws and annoying ones. You have certain difficulties, if not problems, both with finances and in relationships. Then a child is born and the strength is enough only for him. Not a funny picture ... but, nevertheless, it will be so, sooner or later.Therefore, before you get married or, get to know your soul mate well. Look at her in different situations, find out about her past, write a list of her shortcomings. Try to answer the question for yourself: "Will I be able to live with this person all my life?"
Weigh everything well. Are you satisfied with her (his) behavior, friends, work, attitude towards life. Is he able to provide for his family, do you agree to put up with his smoking (weakness for drinking, women), are you sure of the sincerity of your relationship. For many, the questions will be different. One of my acquaintances even found out what kind of inheritance "shines" on the narrowed one, and my employee took the trouble to find out about all the hereditary diseases of the bride's family.By the time you get married, you should know everything about her (him)! "Dark spots" will not strengthen the family. And never marry in spite of or to please anyone. Your life is only yours, and you have one. Why do you initially condemn yourself to problems and divorces ?!
The first secret of a happy family is loyalty!
Family starts with fidelity. This is not a modern statement at all. But it works! The family is the nest, and the husband and wife are birds. So remember that birds do not fly at night, but peacefully sleep in their nests! My friend decided for herself that her family is a union of two friends. That everyone can have their own life. This was, in my opinion, the initial mistake. She often disappeared at discos, and her husband increasingly began to stay late at work. Four years of such a life ended in divorce.And there are hundreds of such examples! All young families are trying to meet some kind of Western cinematic standards. But life is not a movie. And after getting married or getting married, you must initially tune in to be faithful to your partner. It is even better to discuss this issue with your soul mate. According to research by scientists, 96 percent of Americans consider loyalty to be the main secret of family happiness. And even one betrayal can become the first crack in your relationship, and sometimes it is impossible to glue such cracks.
The second secret of family happiness is to appreciate your soul mate!
After several years of living together, each of the spouses accumulates some resentment and omissions in their souls. This is where the quarrels begin. Do not keep everything to yourself and try to discuss the problem right away. My grandmother used to say that spouses do not go to bed in a quarrel. Since the resentment with the clock is only getting stronger, and in the morning it will be more difficult to make peace. But what about the first to compromise? It's not easy! Yes, and everyone thinks that it is he who is right, and the one who is right should not apologize and “cave in”. And here there is a way out - imagine for a moment that your husband (wife) has disappeared (la). Just imagine it very realistically. One incident in my life taught me a lot. While studying at the institute, one married couple was formed in our group - they signed right after the first year. As expected, they soon gave birth to a wonderful little one. And from that moment something went wrong in the family, the spouses were constantly quarreling, often in public. This went on for over two years. And in the summer before the fifth course, Alya burned out from cancer in 10 days - and the young dad was left alone with the baby. God forbid anyone to experience this. Once in a conversation, Oleg (now a widower) said: “I never imagined that Ali would not be, I thought that she would always be with me. And now, if it was possible to return the past, I would never quarrel with her, I would carry her in my arms ... ”. These words are deeply engraved in my memory.But it is true that we do not appreciate what we have, but when we lose it, we cry. Try to live every day like your last. Appreciate and pamper those around you. Do not be afraid to apologize, do not forget to give flowers, do not quarrel and love your friend, as on the first day of meeting. Your soul mate is your treasure! Remember this.
The third secret is a successful fight against everyday life!
The expression has been around for a long time among the people - everyday life has eaten up. Yes, everyday problems turn our life into a routine, weary and often cause quarrels. What to do?! From the very first day of family life (as practice shows, at this moment, spouses easily make concessions), try to share responsibilities. The husband loves to vacuum - please, the wife cooks deliciously - no problem. Minor repairs are a man's responsibility, weekly purchases of groceries and cleaning are a joint affair. Here's an example of separation of duties. Many men believe that a woman should run the household. I will only agree if the woman is a housewife. If both spouses are working, both of them, regardless of gender, are entitled to rest. But what if no one likes to wash the dishes? There is a way out - to buy. In general, modern household appliances are able to take on almost all the concerns of the owners.
A co-worker of mine recently got married. Despite this, she stays at work for a long time (well, this is our job). Once I was curious if my husband was grumbling that his wife was not at home, no one was preparing dinner. It turns out not! With all the money donated for the wedding, the newlyweds bought a lot of household appliances - from a coffee maker to a washing machine. And now, having come home, the husband quickly warms dinner in the microwave; bakes fresh bread; yoghurt for breakfast is made by a yogurt maker; the dishes are washed by the dishwasher. Ira only has to cook the first, second and third once every three days.Here it is! Do not skimp, buy household appliances, perhaps not all at once, but gradually. But in our rhythm of life, there is nowhere without such assistants.
Secret number four - support
A long time ago I read one saying: "Everything that a person achieves is the merit of people who believe in him." If you want your husband to earn more - do not try to "nag" him! Support your spouse, try to calm down in moments of despair, give good advice if necessary, or just listen carefully. Moreover, dear readers of MirSovetov, remember that such support should be mutual! After all, a family is like a cycle of water: if you give something to another, it should go back a hundredfold. When my husband and I got married, he was a simple engineer, and I just graduated from college. His salary was enough for several weeks, and even that was constantly delayed. Five and a half years have passed. The husband has his own furniture business. I changed my boring job in a government institution to a super-profitable (by the standards of our city) job in a private company. We have achieved all this together, and I believe the secret of this success is mutual support.A person should feel that the family needs him very much - it inspires, believe me. And if you are loved, if you are respected, then there are no problems, and there is no need to quarrel.
The fifth secret is to do everything together!
In the famous Ryazanov's film, the protagonist of the marriage represented as follows - "she will always flicker before my eyes - back and forth ...". Yes, to some extent it is. But I will never understand people who want to take a break from each other. They go on vacation separately, spend weekends separately ... My parents have known each other for 33 years, they work in the same institution, spend all evenings together, on vacation - only together. And they are happy! What's the secret? They feel good together - they have a lot of common interests, there is always something to discuss. They are not, because dad is a merry fellow, and he always has a fresh anecdote in store. Mama is calmness itself. She is always cozy and warm, she brews the most delicious coffee, and radiates kindness. This is, in my opinion, a real family.
Take a test. Ask your lover what kind of plant he thinks he is. If he is a flower, then he is gentle and agreeable, if a tree or shrub is reliable and charismatic, if a cactus is freedom-loving and rebellious. It is good if a flower and a tree come together in marriage - this is the key to a happy family. Tested on all friends!Try to be together every minute, do common things, always have, breathe the same air, bring up children together, enjoy a joint vacation, a weekend spent outside the city with the whole family. Otherwise - why get married ???
The sixth and last secret - always find time for sex!
Yes, intimate life is also part of family life, and sometimes the most important for some. And in this area, you also need to make some efforts. In the first years of marriage, as a rule, there are no problems in intimate life. But over the years, sex becomes boring and monotonous. So you shouldn't think that everything will work out by itself. There is a ton of literature now, and the internet is full of articles on how to refresh your sex life. Do not be lazy to take the initiative, arrange, try something new ... I always thought that there was no sex in the USSR. But no! Before my wedding, my grandmother gave me an order: "Let your husband go to work with a full stomach and empty ...". I was shocked. But, apparently, this is a sure remedy for betrayal.Dear readers of MirSovetov, perhaps you also have your own secrets of family happiness - leave them in reviews! It may happen that your advice and examples will save more than one family. Be happy!
Family happiness- this is the highest level of well-being, which every family strives for, but without realizing some secrets of family happiness, fails. What every family needs to know in order to obtain family happiness are simple secrets and methods that have already led many families to the acquisition of happiness and joy in the family.
The mistake lies in worry and in the fact that families often listen to the opinions of others who do not have experience and sufficient knowledge in this area. It is wiser to listen to those who have independently found all the secrets of family happiness, or read it all in this article. Psychologists have collected all the secrets by studying those of the families, who themselves found them and shared with other families.
What is happiness in your family for you?
People often make the mistake of just looking. secrets of family happiness, not understanding what this happiness means for them. There are many controversies and opinions about happiness. But one thing became clear that happiness is created by man himself and he himself is seeking. Accordingly, you need to clearly understand what is happiness for you, you can even write it down on a piece of paper and start looking. Realizing that happiness is for you, you have completed 50% of your path to the very secrets of this happiness and well-being. If you choose the wrong happiness, then having achieved it, you go to achieve new happiness, this is normal and this often happens with families. Practice, try, act and then you will find exactly what you need.
The secret to happiness in family problems
People often avoid problems, especially in family life, this is a mistake, since all the secrets of family happiness are mainly related to problems. The happiness is not that there are many problems in your family, and you do not solve them, but that you solve all family problems as soon as they arise. Each problem hides a secret power and benefit, and if you start solving problems, and not avoiding them, then you will feel and receive this power and benefit. It has long been proven that those families that had big problems, and they solved them together, and did not run away from them, became the happiest and strongest families. Therefore, you can read the article: where it is written in more detail about the most important problems in families, and how to solve them.
The secret of happiness in children
From the psychological point of view, children, and their smile, gives parents joy and happiness, respectively, the secret of family happiness in children. There are many people who believe that their meaning of life and joy are children, and this is really right. In a family where there are children, and parents love them, it is very joyful and wonderful. And those who do not want children and do not love them basically create unnecessary problems for themselves and will never feel the meaning of life, joy and happiness... Children are what makes parents solve problems, achieve success in life and family, and be happy in the eyes of the child.
The secret is love and understanding
In a family where love and understanding is present, there is real happiness and joy. Almost all the secrets of family happiness that will come across you on the way are associated precisely with love and understanding. Without this, a happy family cannot be called, so you need to strive to ensure that there is love and understanding in your family. To do this, start at first, spend more time with your family, at least one day a week, devote only to your family. Share your problems, solve issues and problems with your family. Conduct family meetings to resolve issues, problems, or simply to chat and learn something new that happened in the family during the day. If you love your family yourself, you will do whatever is necessary to ensure that there is love and understanding in it.
Secrets of family happiness in support and attention
In addition to love and understanding, your family should have each other's support and attention. This is also an important secret to family happiness, so do everything in your power to make it all appear in your family. For example, start supporting your family yourself in difficult times, for example, children when they make mistakes and have problems that they cannot solve on their own. Start paying more attention to your family, asking how they are doing, joking, making gifts, and wishing them a good day. You need to passionately fall in love with your family, then everything will come by itself. Find the flavor of what will motivate you to improve your family and make your family happy.
Teach, share experiences, give examples to children
The most important thing in family life is the birth of a child and his upbringing. Upbringing should be carried out not only by the mother, but also by the father, since the child needs not only to be told what he is interested in, but also to share specific experiences and give examples for a successful and happy life. Although the child is small, this does not mean that he does not understand and does not hear you. Children, unlike their parents, develop and copy all the information they see or hear.
Therefore, feel free to tell what you understand and share your experience, as you need to be more careful with your own behavior, and with what you are talking about, as the child will copy all this. Start developing with your child, it is good for you and for him. For example: by not just forcing him to do it, but by setting an example and starting to read as well. Your child will see what you are reading and will want to start reading. Your desire to make your family happier will do everything for you, relax and enjoy life.
If you have questions or additions to the article, write in the comments.
© Elena Sozonchuk, 2018
© Alexander Sozonchuk, 2018
ISBN 978-5-4490-3983-5
Powered by Ridero Intelligent Publishing System
According to statistics, about half of marriages break up. Roughly half of them could have been saved by forging relationships. Why didn't the couple do this and allowed themselves to pass the point of no return? How can you avoid this? What if the relationship starts to deteriorate? How to create and maintain a marriage? This is what our book is about, in which we share the secrets of not only preserving marital relations, but also how to make a family happy.
The authors of the book are Elena and Alexander Sozonchuk, spouses with 33 years of experience in a happy family life, psychotherapists, neuropsychologists, family and personal psychologists with 27 years of professional experience, founders of the ROST Psychological Studio in St. Petersburg. During this time, we have helped save about 120 families ...
Some chapters are illustrated with excerpts from real family counseling that we have worked with (with permission from clients).
This edition of the book is supplemented and revised.
Family life can be happy? Maybe!
To have a relationship happy, in them, first of all, not only one of the partners should be interested, but both!
Feeling lost can lead to looking for someone who is willing to take full responsibility for your life, just to relieve tension. But before you do this, imagine for a second, you put on the collar of your beloved pet, and give the leash to someone else, but where it will lead you, you have no idea. Are you so comfortable?
There is no place for confusion and powerlessness in relationships. If one of the partners senses this, then this relationship does not really exist anymore. The whole point of a relationship is freedom.
Happy relationship are built on a solid foundation of free will and collaborative effort. The most important journey in life for each of us is the one during which we meet our person. And this relationship brings us personal development and happiness.
You can get a lot more out of your relationship if you build it together instead of trying to control it all the time. In reality, it is a cycle. The strength of the relationship directly depends on the strengths of each partner, and these strengths, in turn, depend on the quality of the relationship.
In our mentality, based on fantasies and fairy tales of romantic love, it is assumed that one day you will meet “your One” or “your One”, and immediately get rid of suffering and longing, and in return you will receive a state of eternal unity and bliss. It's easier this way - to consider that this is the mission exclusively of your partner, - to make you happy man!
In fact, a harmonious relationship can bring you happiness, but filling the feeling of emptiness in your heart is not your partner's job. This is your immediate and only your task, and until you take full responsibility for this emptiness, pain, longing within you, problems will inevitably be present in your relationship.
Only you yourself are able to make yourself happy and no one else can do it. And so first you have to create your own HAPPINESS before sharing it with someone else.
Remember that loving people starts with loving yourself! Never allow yourself to completely dissolve in another person, like sugar in a cup of tea! Otherwise, who is there to love? You are not here! Always keep your boundaries!
When all your actions and thoughts revolve around the other person, you neglect your own interests, and this leads to addiction.
The problem is that the development of this dependence generates a feeling of resentment that the partner does not reciprocate ... Why? After all, does he feel like a "king on the throne"?
Jim Rohn, a well-known American entrepreneur, once said: “The greatest gift you can give to anyone is your own perfection as a person. Once I said: “If you are attentive to me, I will be attentive to you. Now I say this: "I will be attentive to myself for your sake, if you will be attentive to yourself for my sake."
There is no need to look for an ideal partner, someone who has been created by your imagination, and try on your own pattern to a real partner: “does it fit - does not fit?”. Remember, you will never find such a thing, because it simply does not exist ... We are all people, "woven" of advantages and disadvantages, we are all not perfect, and you too ...
We love and appreciate people not because they are perfect, they are often completely far from ideal. In fact, the less you expect from the person you love, the happier your relationship will be.
No one in your life will act the way you expect them to. They are not you - they will not be able to love so much, to surrender so much and understand you in such a way as you do it yourself.
The biggest disappointment in life and in relationships is unjustified expectations. Remember the catchphrase: "In order not to be disappointed, do not be fascinated."
People tend to improve and strive for the ideal, but it is almost impossible to achieve it ... You just need to strive to ensure that the relationship brings joy, even if not ideal!
Each of us is not immune to mistakes. No one can boast, looking back on his life path, that he did not make a single mistake along the way ... In addition, we need mistakes for experience. Making them, we understand what is best for us and what is worse.
Based on this, you need to give yourself and your partner a chance to correct mistakes, and not hack in the heat, breaking off relations ...
But if you have forgiven, then do not reproach, do not poke your nose, hurting again and again ...
When your partner continues to blame you for past mistakes, it's a sign of an inharmonious relationship. If both partners do this, then it turns into a hopeless struggle, which will show which of you broke the most over the years.
When you reproach a person for their past mistakes in order to validate your current righteousness, it leads to a desperate situation. You are not only deceiving reality. Remembering the mistakes of the past, you are manipulating the other person.
If this situation continues for a long time, both partners will end up spending all their energy trying to prove their innocence instead of solving today's problem.
When you choose the person with whom you plan to build a relationship, you thereby accept him with previous mistakes. If you do not put up with his mistakes, then, in the end, the relationship with this person will not work out. If something bothers you about your partner's past, you should learn to take it normally. The past remains in the past ...
One of the most frequent goals of family psychotherapy is to restore trust between spouses ...
Trust is the foundation of good relationships, and when trust is eroded, it is very difficult to regain it. Often people say: “I didn’t tell him anything, but I didn’t lie either…” This statement contradicts itself. You not only didn’t lie, but you didn’t tell the truth, you hid it, which means you don’t trust your partner.
Remember, a person who tells the whole truth (even the bitter one) to your face is always better than a friend or loved one who constantly lies to you. It is worth paying attention not only to the words of people, but also to their actions, correlating them with each other.
If you've caught your spouse lying, then it's time to be honest. And you need to start such a conversation not with reproaches and reproaches, but with "magic" words: "I understand you ...". For example, “I understand you, it was difficult for you to tell me the truth, you were afraid that I would not understand you, I would condemn you ...” Thus, you give a person a credit of trust, show that you are not inclined to war, but to a friendly conversation ...
Often in a couple you can find aggressive behavior, which takes many forms, but, as a rule, is divided into verbal aggression (shouting, name-calling, obscene words, etc.) and non-verbal (fights, fights, etc.).
What contributes to the accumulation of aggressive energy, which "splashes out" like this on loved ones? As a rule, this is either aggression towards the aggressor, to whom he cannot respond in kind (boss at work, parents, etc.), or a frustrated need for something ...
Instead of openly expressing their feelings, some people discharge their aggressive tensions on loved ones. But it would be much better to talk to a loved one about what upsets you.
And if you cannot talk about what bothers you, then this is clearly a sign of an inharmonious relationship. This suggests that you cannot communicate openly with each other. There is no reason to be aggressive if you feel comfortable talking about things that bother you, confident that you will not be judged for your thoughts.
In a happy relationship, you always openly share your feelings and desires. Make it clear that the other person is not responsible for your ideas and views, but that you are happy to feel their support nonetheless. If you care about each other, you will provide this support to each other, or you will come to a compromise.
Emotional blackmail, which is used in some couples, can significantly worsen the relationship. This is when, in response to any objection or refusal to comply with a request (or even an order), your partner says: "So you don't love me!" or “If you loved me, you would do this ...” And you have to change your behavior against your will, as a result of emotional blackmail. As a result, irritation and dissatisfaction with oneself and relationships accumulate ...
The solution, as with aggression, is communication. There shouldn't be the slightest pressure, just open communication. It is very important for both partners in a relationship to understand that negative thoughts and feelings can always be calmly discussed with each other. There is, of course, another option. Just put up with it until one day you explode and express everything.
Remember that it’s okay to get angry with someone you care about sometimes, as it’s okay when you don’t like something about that person. We are not all ideal creatures. Someone may love you very much, but something in you may not suit him. Partners who are able to communicate and criticize each other without judgment or emotional blackmail will ultimately benefit.
By not giving enough time to relationships, people make a huge mistake, which leads to a deterioration in the relationship. Most often, we realize this mistake only when everything starts to collapse. In fact, relationships, as a living being, also need to be given time so that they can continue their existence and prosperity. It's easy to let everything in life take its course, especially when you have a husband (wife), kids, a job. But a relationship can be compared to a indoor flower: if it is not watered several times, it will wither. So in a relationship, you will not find time for each other - they will start to deteriorate ...
Try to find time every week to spend it only with those you love and who love you, and at least a few minutes of communication every day ...
There is nothing more valuable in a relationship than your sincere attention - your full presence even when you are at a distance from each other ...
– Even if your spouse does not suit you in some way, he came into your life for a reason. It means that you needed it for something. For what? This issue requires separate consideration.
– If you want to get something from your spouse, give it yourself first. This concerns love, tenderness, kindness, care ... If it does not return, talk to your beloved, why? And, if it turns out that he does not treat you the way you treat him (alas, this happens), then make a decision whether you need it ...
– Never impose yourself on another person, demanding more attention than he can give. He gives it to you as much as he can and wants, he perceives the demand to give more as pressure and violence. And you get the opposite effect!
– Sometimes you can hear the erroneous statement that people do not change. On the contrary, people change all their lives: first they grow, then they “bloom,” for a while, they “bloom,” and then wither. Of course, here we are talking about physiology, but after all, the body, soul and mind of a person are connected together, therefore physiological changes lead to mental ones. In addition, people are constantly engaged in self-development, their opinion on this or that object of reality can change by 180 degrees ...
– It is necessary to remember and adequately perceive that love transforms over time. She cannot always be the same in the same way as a person. It can be compared to a fire: the more it burns during the candy-bouquet period, the faster it burns out. Therefore, it is better to throw firewood into this fire in time, not letting it go out completely, than to start it, and then try to make a new fire on the other side. After all, that new fire will also go out sometime with such an approach ... Each couple can think of what kind of "firewood" they will be: maybe an unexpected gift, some kind of surprise, a romantic dinner by candlelight, unusual sex, etc. .d.
– Forgiving is a very important skill for a happy marriage. We must admit that the other person is just as imperfect as ourselves. Therefore, he can make mistakes. And you need to give him a chance to correct these mistakes, just like yourself.
– Never try to change another person. The only person on Earth whom we can change is only I am. The other can change, but only of his own free will, not of yours! Accept him as he is, with all its advantages and disadvantages. And then your family happiness will last for many years of life together!
