For those who want to build warm relationships with children.
“From people who find out that I have four daughters and a son, I often hear this: 'Four daughters? You're out of luck! Think about what will happen when they become teenagers? “To be honest, I feel sorry for these people. Understand, when you have four daughters - this is a huge wealth!
Every day we say to each other: “I love you more than yesterday,” and raising daughters is a joy, not a burden. I have been a father for 11 years now, and during this time I have understood a lot. I was able to express my experience in 15 points, "- this is how the article by the father of many children, Justin Ricklefs, which was translated by Domashniy Ochag, begins. A loving father understands that in order to build a warm relationship with a child, you need to understand him and make friends with him. And such a list will help you with that.
1. She needs your love.
Learn to show your love for your daughter. She needs her more than money or gifts, this does not compensate for the lack of communication. No one in the world will give her such a sense of confidence and protection as a loving father. She will grow and make mistakes, upset you, may be harsh and rude at times, and may even want to leave home for a while. But you shouldn't give her the slightest reason to doubt your love. She should know that you love her the way she is, and that in the parental home she will always be forgiven and understood. Feel free to say this out loud many, many times. Just look into her eyes and say, "I love you."
2. It depends on you which partner in life she chooses.
The choice of who will become her husband depends on your attitude towards your daughter. If you are a good father, she will look for a guy like you. If not, it will be very difficult for her to get married and find herself someone. In prosperous families with a loving father, little girls often say, "I will grow up and marry my dad." This is a good indicator. It means that you are behaving correctly.
3. Listen to the music she listens to.
When a girl becomes a teenager, she has a love for modern music that you may not always enjoy. Try to understand what she likes about it. Listen to CDs with her, go to a concert of a fashion group so that you have something to talk about. When you are driving with your daughter, do not switch the music she has chosen. At the end of the day, remember that the time she will ride with you will soon be over. And the insult will remain.
4. She sees how you feel about her mother.
This is the most important tip on our list. You can only follow him, and the success of your relationship with your daughter is guaranteed. It's simple: don't get tired of showing your children that you love their mother and value your marriage. When participating in a child's life, do not forget about your personal life. Take time to go to the theater with your wife, to a restaurant, arrange a short trip without children. Show your children that your wife is a higher priority for you than they are. This is useful not only for strengthening your marriage, but also for shaping your children's attitudes toward marriage.
5. Do not distance yourself from your daughter when she becomes a teenager.
From 11 to 15 years old, a difficult age begins, when your daughter will change both externally (become less beautiful) and internally, will become naughty and rude. Do not move away from her during this difficult period, maintain an emotional connection. Be aware of her concerns, interests, activities, boyfriends, and more so that she can turn to you for any help. Don't laugh at her if she took your razor to shave her legs. You should always treat her with love and understanding, no matter how old she is - 5 or 15 years old.
6. Do sports with her, it strengthens character.
In order for a girl to grow into a healthy and strong woman, she must fall in love with sports, and in this you can help her. Do exercises with it, take it with you on morning runs or bike rides, teach push-ups, play sports games in the air. Girls are not supposed to grow up weak. A sports fortress will help you gain spiritual strength and character. After all, today femininity is not only dresses with frills, it is the power of body and spirit.
7. Have small parties more often.
Childhood should remain the happiest memory in my daughter's memory. And this memory is formed by small joys and events. For example, celebrate your daughter's 10th birthday not by sitting around the table, but by taking a short trip for 3-4 days. Let her make a list of places or countries that she wants to visit, discuss it together and choose the option that works for you. Trust her to make an itinerary and a list of things to take with you. On the way, instruct her to keep a diary. Don't forget your camera to make an album later.
At the end of each week, watch interesting films together, and then let everyone write their impressions. Or host a gala breakfast on Sunday. Or make it a tradition to drink hot chocolate in a cozy café on Sundays. On weekends, you can go on a short hike to places of interest in your city. Do not be lazy to come up with such events, take pictures of them. Fill your daughter's emotional memory with experiences with you.
8. Teach her that in life it is more important to give than to take.
Something amazing happens when children realize that the universe does not revolve only around them. That not only they need help, that the last piece of cake should be left for others. Explain to them that life will be better if we help other people. That one cannot think only of oneself, that sometimes it is better to be the last in line than, having pushed others, to get through first. That when you're wrong, you have to honestly admit it.
9. Be there for the most important events in her life.
Understandably, most fathers are working, busy with their careers and don't have much free time. But still - try not to miss important events in your daughter's life, be it a concert at a music school, sports competitions or an exhibition of her drawings. And do not get tired of praising her, regardless of the results. Even if on this day you are invited to a football match, determine your priorities: the matches will be repeated, but your daughter's childhood will not. It will be gone forever.
10. When you are at home, turn off your mobile.
The big mistake many fathers make is that, when they come home, they actually continue to be absent. They do not look up from their mobile phones, answer emails, tweet, read Facebook pages. Meanwhile, your little daughter is waiting for you to pay attention to her. Turn off your phone immediately when crossing the threshold of the house. Take some time for the one who has been waiting for you all day, play with her, read a book, or just sit in an embrace and fool around. Remember that very soon she will have other interests and she will not want to be at home where she is not paid attention to.
11. Learn to weave pigtails.
Of course, it is a purely female business to comb the daughters' hair, weave pigtails and tie ponytails, but the father should be able to do that too, just in case. What if you and your daughter go on vacation together? Moreover, experienced psychologists believe that a father should be able not only to do hairstyles, but also to paint his daughter's nails, if necessary. This will show her that a man can be not only strong, but also gentle.
12. Walk with your daughter somewhere together.
At least several times a year, invite your daughter to a “date” without mom and other family members. Go with her to the cinema, theater or restaurant. Such meetings will show her how a man should treat a woman. Open the car door for her, help her take off and put on her coat, compliment her, joke around, let her choose what she wants in a restaurant and pay the bill. Make her feel like a million dollar beauty. It won't ruin you. Come up with your own options for where and how to spend a few hours with your daughter. You can go to the park together on bicycles or to the bookstore, but this event must be planned in advance, like a real date.
13. Explain to her that good looks isn't everything.
Psychologists believe that it is the father who must explain to his daughter that internal beauty is much more important than external beauty, that it is the girl's internal content, her character, cordiality, her self-esteem that is the core that will allow her to find the right path in life. Raising a daughter in today's world of sensual glamor standards is not easy. But you can explain to her that in order to make an impression, you do not need to expose every piece of your body.
14. Don't miss childhood!
Life does not go, but rushes with great speed. There is a person who needs you now, who calls you dad. Enjoy the role of a father, do not miss the childhood of your children - it will fly by quickly, you won't have time to blink an eye!
15. Don't be afraid to ask your daughter for forgiveness.
Many fathers do everything possible for their daughters, but they are not angels either: it happens that a father speaks unfair words, does not fulfill his promises. Feel free to ask your daughter for forgiveness when you are wrong. It will not drop your credibility. If you don't know how to ask for forgiveness, learn before it's too late. These words must come from the heart. Only this will make you closer to your daughter, and she will forgive you.
Unfortunately, the issue of the importance of the girl's father's upbringing is not given due attention in society, since traditionally the priority is given to the mother's upbringing of the daughter.
And this is really so, however, there are those key moments of the upbringing of a girl, the responsibility for which lies with the father, and the mother, no matter how she tries, will not be able to replace her father in them.
The fact is that it is the relationship with the father that fundamentally affects the formation of the daughter as a future woman, her further relationships with men and the choice of a life partner. All of these factors are crucial in a woman's life.
Let's take a closer look at how the relationship with the father affects the fate of the daughter.
To begin with, the father is the first and most significant example of a man in his daughter's life. The responsibility is colossal. If all fathers were aware of it ...
The paternal image and the "father-daughter" relationship set in childhood many programs and attitudes for the communication of an adult woman with the opposite sex. It is good if the settings and programs are correct and useful. And if not?
In the life of a grown-up daughter, problems of a different nature can arise. Let's try to figure it out.
Suppose the ideal option: a complete family, parents together take part in raising their daughter, family relationships are harmonious, dad is wise and loving.
Of course, it is difficult to understand paternal love, it differs from maternal love. But even the restrained, not very emotionally colored love of the father is felt, perceived and absorbed by the daughter. A daughter for a loving father is a princess, this is his (and this is why) an ideal female creature: the most beautiful, most beloved, the most ... in everything and always, this is his pride, this is the light of his soul.
In turn, paternal love gives the girl a sense of security, safety, self-confidence, self-worth; develops femininity, attractiveness, demand and success.
The girl grows up next to her loving father, realizing that she is worthy of love of the opposite sex. When a daughter sees, feels and knows that the most significant man in life, the father, loves and accepts her for who she is, the girl learns to love and accept herself, and, importantly, learns to accept love and attention to herself of the opposite sex.
A father for a girl is a whole WORLD. And if this world loves and accepts her, is always ready to help and protect, then she is not afraid of anything. She goes into adulthood without fear, with the knowledge that everything will be fine, she will always find support and support, because the whole world is on her side.
A positive program learned in childhood will work throughout life for the benefit of an already adult woman.
Such a woman will attract loving men who will become her support, support in life and will show constant concern for her.
Another very important aspect of a girl's upbringing is the relationship of the father to the mother.
The girl needs to see that dad loves mom. Observing the love of a father for a mother, every child experiences a sense of security, joy, happiness and harmony in the world. Any manifestation of dislike for the mother on the part of the father causes pain to the daughter, which, accumulating, can become an insurmountable wall in the relationship between father and daughter.
Dear fathers, it is very important in relation to mothers to show daughters how a man shows love and attention to a woman. In this way, a girl forms a model of relationship between a man and a woman, which she will assimilate for the rest of her life, like all other models of relationships in the family.
If “love and attention” in the family manifests itself in the form of discontent, nagging or rudeness, this lesson will be learned: this model of relationship will become natural for a matured woman in the future.
You have noticed that our entire conversation periodically returns to love. If a girl feels a lack or lack of paternal love, she grows up insecure, suppressed, downtrodden, withdrawn, or, on the contrary, openly aggressive, denying and suppressing masculine essence.
How often does a young and beautiful girl have to be convinced that she is a beauty, clever, worthy of love and attention of the opposite sex, while a completely outwardly inconspicuous girlfriend arouses interest in young people, communicates freely with them and does not complex about her shortcomings appearance.
The girl, who in childhood felt a lack of paternal attention and love, grows up with a feeling of her own defenselessness, with a fear of the vast world and the unpredictability of life. Everything is given to her with great personal labor, because she does not know how to ask for help, does not expect support and relies only on herself. Success in life becomes difficult. Personal life is also not easy.
Alertness and distrust of men often lead a woman to control her husband, suppress him, and assume male responsibilities. This is especially common in the case when the girl was brought up only by her mother, who “dragged on herself all the hardships of life,” or when the father was in the family, although the mother had to “plow” herself in relations with him all the time.
It happens that a woman compulsively seeks the attention of the opposite sex, is available and not picky in relationships, easily enters into relationships with men who show attention to her. She is looking for love and clings to everyone who will say a compliment or an affectionate word to her.
Or, by her behavior, a woman all the time wants to prove how good she is and therefore deserves love. And her whole life turns into a continuous desire to "please him" in expectation of attention and love in return. Some women torment a man with a constant question: do you love me? Or: tell me that you love me! Others suffer quietly and cry furtively in frustration.
It also happens that a woman is afraid of relationships with a man, does not know how to build them, avoids communication with the opposite sex. She "strikes" in a career, sometimes completely refuses her personal life and creating a family. Why does she need a man, the woman justifies herself, she is strong and can achieve everything herself.
There can be a lot of imbalances in the life of a woman who grew up without paternal love and attention. How many lives, so many unique experiences.
Many women, after reading this article, will say: so what to do now? Childhood has already passed, life did not turn out the way it wanted, nothing can be fixed. Actually this is not true.
The first is to put aside self-pity and regret about a failed personal life. After all, for some reason, the lessons of life passed were necessary.
Second, it is important to thank the past for the invaluable experience, forgive the father (in the end, he fulfilled his main purpose - you were born), let go of all grievances, look at your inner child with love, understand, grow up and start working on yourself.
Gradually, changes in life will begin to occur. It is very likely that health will also improve. After all, it is no secret that one of the most common causes of women's illnesses is the accumulated resentment against men, which is based on a problematic relationship with the father.
I believe that every father who has read this article to the end loves his daughter. However, it is difficult for men to emotionally express their feelings, because open emotionality is more characteristic of women and children.
Therefore, in conclusion, I want to summarize the above and give recommendations to the fathers:
- Remember, a daughter needs her father's love no less than her mother's. It depends on your paternal example how her adult relationships with men will develop, whom she will choose as husbands, and, therefore, how, in this regard, her personal life will develop.
- Be loving to your daughter's mother. A daughter should see an example of love and respect between a man and a woman in the person of her parents. This sets the right basic model for your daughter's future relationships with men.
- Show trust in your daughter, talk to her about her problems, show concern, be there at crucial moments in her life, know how to step aside, respect her choice.
- Show warmth in your relationship with your daughter, hug, compliment, admire, give gifts, be sincere.
- Avoid overprotecting your daughter. With an excess of paternal love, a girl may develop a strong emotional dependence on her father, which causes no less harm than a lack of paternal love.
- Show understanding and sincere interest in your daughter's life, spend time together (visit the theater, go to exhibitions and concerts, arrange holidays; listen to the music she loves; be interested in what she is fond of; inspire her to develop and develop yourself).
- Be strict when necessary, but always wise and fair. Punish with love, without anger, explaining your actions.
- Never let yourself be assaulted by your daughter!
- Respect your daughter's personality, even if she is still very young.
- Be positive and develop a sense of humor.
- Be a worthy male example in everything! Encourage femininity in your daughter. Remember, you are the most important man in the life of a growing little woman - your daughter. She looks at you intently and makes life decisions at an early age. Don't miss your daughter's childhood!
The most common myth about parenting is that all men dream of a son. Of course, everything boyish is obviously understandable and close to dad, so it may be easier for dad in some matters with a boy. However, nothing beats being the daddy of a girl. Daughters, by the way, need male care and affection in order to grow up to be a real woman with “correct” female values. Raising a girl and a boy, of course, needs to be done differently. And if everything is clear with sons to dads, then daughters need to "attach instructions." These 25 rules have been written especially for dads who are raising daughters.
Well, now you can enjoy fatherhood. Being a girl's dad is a whole art and work, but the return on investment will be significant. If, as an adult, the girl turns into a self-confident woman, will be able to successfully start a family, will be a loving wife and mother, it means that the role of the father in the daughter's life has been played perfectly.
What is dad ready for for the sake of his beloved daughter 🙂
Song about dad !! Dad, you are my best friend!
Photo: dad and daughter 🙂
Sometimes divorce is the only way out of an unhappy married life. The stories of three mothers who nevertheless decided to file for divorce - and did not regret their decision.
Ksenia, 25 years old, Sonya's mother (3 years old)
The problems began even during pregnancy: the husband constantly left to meet with friends. After the birth of the child, all the worries fell on me - my husband lost his job, we lived on my 8 thousand maternity.
When the child was 7 months old, we had a major conflict over another betrayal. I decided that I, perhaps, had enough, and. And the next morning she moved with all her belongings to her parents. The daughter endured the separation perfectly, she did not even know what it was like to receive the love and care of her father. And for almost a year I had a terrible feeling of guilt.
With my ex-husband we have a strained communication, alimony pays - and will be from him. I only regret that I did not dare to divorce earlier. The only thing I am grateful for is for a wonderful daughter and a cruel but important life lesson.
Now my daughter and I live in another city, by the sea, with my grandmother. The daughter of her father sees once every six months, and due to her very open nature she spends time with him with pleasure. True, he often calls him simply by name. On the playground, Sonya saw a couple of times that dads were walking with the children, and told them: “But I don’t have a dad…” My heart breaks, of course. I hope she understands me when she grows up.
Elena, 23 years old, Camilla's mother (1 year 8 months)
In marriage, they swore mainly because of everyday life, money. My husband was very stingy - I bought things for my daughter myself, went to work soon after giving birth.
On weekends, my husband went to his parents, I sorely lacked attention, romance. Even in marriage, I met a man with whom I had a short but stormy romance - which I do not regret at all. Now I am pregnant - from this man. My husband was ready to forgive the betrayal, but I still filed for divorce: I don't love him anymore.
Am I afraid to be left alone with two children? No. Of course, I understand that it will be very, very difficult without moral and material support.
My ex-husband and I are in normal relations, he sees his daughter, takes her to him. It can be seen that the baby is bored: she does not leave him, hugs him. In the future, if he asks, I will try to tell you.
Evgeniya, 24 years old, Marina's mother (1 year 10 months)
I thought about divorce when I was pregnant. I sat at home all day, and my husband was in constant search of a "normal" job. Alas, to no avail.
After the birth of her daughter, nothing has changed. He either ignored our quarrels, or simply went to "friends" for a couple of days. He practically did not react to my requests to stay at home and help with my daughter.
The boiling point was his correspondence in social networks with a girl I did not know. I stumbled upon it on another computer and read - he forgot to log out of his profile. Shock, resentment, anger - that's what I felt then. But after a couple of weeks, I just let go of the situation. And she let him go.
For outsiders, the Menshikov family (surname has been changed. - Ed.) Was no different from hundreds of others. One-year-olds Dmitry and Tamara met, fell in love, got married, settled in a three-room apartment in Kolomyagi, their daughter Julia was born. The parents could not get enough of it, they raised the child with a soul. The black cat ran between the parents after eight years. Dmitry once said:
Today I'll go to bed with Yulia.
He was then 30 years old. The woman probably noticed before that her husband was too gentle with the girl. But she hardly expected outright pedophilia. Shocked, she swallowed the hurt. She didn't tell anyone - they can't stand dirty linen in public. And it was useless to contradict Dmitry. A big man, more than two meters tall, he could easily hurt.
Since then, the Menshikovs have healed according to new rules. Dmitry moved into the room with his daughter, cooled down to his wife. The years passed. At the age of 17, Julia became pregnant.
From whom? - asked the father naively.
From you, you are my only man, - was the answer.
The family council decided to keep the child. The daughter-granddaughter was named Sveta. Incest has not passed without a trace. The child fell ill with insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus. It is practically incurable. Consider disabled for life.
Now Sveta is four years old. Tamara filed for divorce. Dmitry seemed to agree, but on the condition that Julia stay with him. He still burns "love" for her.
And the girl, apparently, was tired physically and mentally. She told her father that she was breaking up with him. He wants, they say, to meet with guys of the same age:
I am already 21 years old, I want to be with others!
Menshikov, who will turn 43 in early December, has boiled over. He wanted eternal loyalty and vetoed his daughter's dates.
The girl went to the police. She recalled the details calmly, as if she were telling a philistine story. Three operatives followed Menshikov. They knocked on the door, introduced themselves, asked to go with them to the investigator. The man agreed. And on the street he changed his mind and rushed at the police.
What are you doing, Dmitry Valentinovich, s ... ka, are you doing! - shouted one of the operas, holding on to his dislocated arm.
Two also suffered. Menshikov bit hard. I crumpled my company car. Finally, they laid him down with a wrestling technique and brought him to the investigation department. Dmitry denied his guilt. The victim also planted a "pig". Seeing dad, Julia refused the application.
If you start planting him, I will say that I slept with him voluntarily! - she threw in the face of the investigators.
Such a turn was not expected. As it became known to "Komsomolskaya Pravda", the investigation of the Primorsky district contacted The Prosecutor General's Office for consultation. Apparently, the grounds for initiating a criminal case were found after all. Perhaps Yulia was persuaded to testify against her father. It is possible that in freedom he would take revenge on his daughter for betrayal.
The defendant has been arrested. He is suspected of raping a minor and resisting police officers, - Ekaterina Gilina, head of the Investigation Department of the Primorsky District of the Investigative Committee of the Investigative Committee in St. Petersburg, explained to the Komsomolskaya Pravda correspondent.
