Today there are a lot of all kinds of methodological developments aimed at helping parents in raising children. However, many of these techniques contradict each other. Indeed, some teachers believe that children should be pampered, others should be kept strict. Still others recommend giving children complete freedom, while still others - to educate by their own example. However, all teachers, practitioners and theorists are unanimous in the opinion that the most important thing in raising children is love! From the very first days, the child must be surrounded with attention and care. Parents must clearly learn a simple truth - it is not our salary that makes children happy. They primarily need parental care and love.
In the article, we will talk about what household items and toys are initially useful and necessary for the baby, and over time, they can cause quite serious damage to his development.
Pacifier after a year
The sucking reflex in a baby is closely related not only to receiving food, but also to a feeling of safety. Putting the baby to her breast, mommy gives him some of her warmth, the baby feels her care and love. The baby is comfortable and calm. It is not surprising that in the future he will try with all his might to prolong this feeling. Therefore, it can be very difficult to wean him from a nipple or pacifier.
What are the consequences of a prolonged "sucking" reflex? Of course, a habit. The grown up baby will suck water from a bottle all night, or not take his finger out of his mouth. At primary school age, the child will begin to suck or gnaw the end of a pencil or pen. At an older age, it is possible that the nipple will be replaced by a cigarette.
Often, loyalty to this habit leads to a spoiled bite and crooked teeth, frequent stomatitis, and psychological dependence. According to psychologists, the stimulus for the further development of children is their leaving the comfort zone. Therefore, after a year, parents should make every effort so that their child will part with his usual nipple.
Diapers after 1.5 years
We will not urge modern parents to give up diapers in favor of the regular gauze diapers used by our grandmothers. But we will not support mothers whose children continue to wear diapers at the age of three. The discomfort that babies experience in wet pants will motivate them to further develop. They will try to control their behavior and are more likely to potty practice.
As soon as the baby turns one and a half years old, parents should pay close attention to this behavioral aspect. Of course, diapers for modern mothers are salvation, but they should not forget that in a year and a half, the baby begins to form a conscious control over the excretory function. As soon as the baby begins to use the potty, he will learn to regulate all of his behavior in general.
Curved spoons and walkers for all ages
Loving parents try to make life easier for their child to the maximum. Cunning manufacturers, taking this desire into service, immediately released curved spoons for children.
Undoubtedly, curved spoons will reduce the amount of porridge on the floor, save the amount of soap that parents need to wash their baby's soiled face, but…. They will in no way contribute to the development of spatial representations in the child and will not allow him to formulate a picture of the world around him in a timely manner.
The same situation will be observed with the walker. Of course, constantly using a walker, your baby will forget about falls, but he will not feel the relief around him. As a result, he will lag behind his peers in development and for him the world around him will still remain a mystery.
Talking interactive toys after 2 years
In this section, we will talk about toys that say whole phrases, answer questions. The child tries to communicate with these "stuffed" with electronics, to conduct dialogues, listening attentively to their answers.
According to psychologists, prolonged contact with such toys is harmful to the child. After all, he mechanically begins to repeat the same phrases, not being guided by the very context of the situation. A rather limited set of phrases does not contribute to the development of the game. Of course, interactive toys are pretty funny, but they are not good friends. Friends of the child should be his peers.
TV at any age
Undoubtedly, television is one of the outstanding achievements of mankind. However, according to the majority of scientists, prolonged and uncontrolled viewing of television programs negatively affects not only the health of children, but also their development. Children very quickly get used to the TV, very small crumbs urge their parents to turn on the "magic box". And they do not always watch only cartoons. In most families, children manage to watch all the programs in a row - news, adult films, sports, music shows and endless advertisements. All this information in the child's mind is mixed in a heap and, of course, ceases to be in any way useful.
Doctors warn :
- Babies and TV are incompatible concepts.
- Children from one to three years old can watch TV for no more than half an hour a day. When watching cartoons, there must be an adult next to the baby. And not just to be, but to follow the developing events together with the child, to explain, supplement and make the necessary explanations.
- At the age of 5-8, parents must also strictly limit the time they watch TV. The programs that children will watch at this age should be informative.
- Long-term television viewing has a negative psychological impact on the child. The child can become nervous, hot-tempered and unbalanced.
- Parents should not use the TV as a background sound either. Children quickly get used to it and the absolute silence scares them.
Sweets without limits
Loving parents want their children to be free of nothing. On the table there is a huge vase of sweets, cakes in the fridge - all this is wonderful! However, then parents should not be surprised why their children eat nothing but sweets. Juices, sweets, cookies, cakes before meals completely fill the volume of the child's ventricle, provoking refusal to eat. By the way, parents should not forget about the condition of the teeth of little sweet tooth.
Electronic games without limits
Computer and electronic games have already become part of our life. Of course, no one will dispute the fact that many games carry a lot of useful information and have a beneficial effect on the development of children. However, everything is good in moderation.
The most important danger posed by electronic technologies is the emergence of gambling addiction in children. Many adolescents, having fallen into such an addiction, cease to be interested in real life and go headlong into the virtual world.
Of course, parents should not completely prohibit electronic games, but they must limit the time spent in front of the monitor. After all, many children become real gambling addicts, their appetite disappears, they abandon their studies, do not sleep well. Children, unlike adults, do not know the measure. In some especially difficult cases, parents are forced to seek help from psychologists.
Monster toys at any age
Children's fantasy starts from the surrounding reality. However, during the game, she is able to transform.
Monster dolls: what's the harm to the child?
Child psychologists continue to conduct endless debates on the topic - should children buy monster toys? Some are sure that such toys are not capable of causing any harm to the child's psyche. The brave heroes during the game will surely defeat the monster. After all, in any fairy tale there are also bad heroes. However, other experts disagree with this opinion. They are sure that ugly dolls and transformers with evil faces should not be present in the children's playroom. Some parents believe that freak dolls help children cope with their fears. However, most psychologists believe that only a loving mother can help cope with childhood fears. And monster dolls can only cause additional trauma to the child's psyche.
Three-wheeled scooters after 3 years
If your 3 year old has mastered cycling, great! However, riding on this type of child transport involves only the lower half of the body. Back, abs, hands are resting. Another thing is a scooter. When riding it, all parts of the child's body are included in the process. The child develops faster and more actively. Choosing between a two-wheeled and three-wheeled scooter, pediatricians recommend focusing on the first. After all, the fewer wheels a scooter has, the faster the child will develop a sense of balance.
Free pocket money at any age
Psychologists believe that financial education should be carried out by parents from an early age. Only in this case, the child will learn how to rationally spend money, and will know their "price". The times when our parents told us that happiness is not in money are left behind.
Why children should have pocket money:
- Money helps develop a sense of responsibility in children.
- They develop independence in them.
- Learn to make decisions.
- Having money significantly increases self-esteem and gives the child confidence.
However, giving pocket money to a child should not become a habit. After all, if at first the child is happy, having received a small amount, then in the future his requests may grow. He may begin to take money for granted, and even demand it from his parents. The issue of money should not develop into a consumer attitude towards parents. Even adults cannot always survive the test with easy money. As for children, everything will depend on the correct behavior of the parents.
How much money to give to the child? The question is purely rhetorical, because in this case everything will depend on the needs of the child and the financial capabilities of the parents. However, adults should remember that easy money corrupts children, makes them stupider and greedier. Children need to understand that money does not rain down for their parents.
Parents want the very best for their baby. Therefore, they try to provide him with everything he needs, to give him their love, attention, care. But, often maternal and paternal love blinds, and pushes parents to mistakes that hinder the natural process of child development. What can harm the development of a baby? Let's take a look at some of the common parenting mistakes that harm a child.
1. Independent decision making.
You can often hear phrases from parents in this style: "I am a mother, I know better what my child needs!" And this is really so, because who, if not the parents, know the needs and characteristics of their baby. But, after all, the essence of upbringing is not only to create ideal conditions for him, in which he will be comfortable and safe. You need to gradually teach him to make decisions and understand their consequences. Therefore, from a young age, you need to trust the baby to make decisions, albeit not very important ones. Ask your child what he wants to wear for a walk today? What fairy tale he wants to read. Sometimes, you need to allow your child to make mistakes so that he can learn to make independent decisions. In families where parents do not give such an opportunity, children grow up infantile and dependent on them. This clearly slows down their development and prevents them from becoming independent.
2. Anticipation of desires.
First, it inhibits the development of speech and skills to express their needs. Mothers of babies up to one year old are forced to guess the needs of the baby. But, closer to the first birthday, the child is quite capable, let not say, but at least show what he wants and what he needs. At this age, requiring the baby to say what he needs, you can stimulate the development of speech. If mothers continue to try to determine on their own what the child expects from them, the developmental situation can be sad. There is an old anecdote about this, which tells the story of a dumb son who suddenly spoke at 6 years old. The boy asked to pass the salt at the dinner table, and everyone was delighted, they say, he finally spoke. To which the boy replied, it was just that everything was always normal before. So with children, whose mothers anticipate their needs and desires in advance, they simply do not have an incentive to develop their speech and communication skills.
3. Thousands of prohibitions.
A very dangerous mistake that can break the child's interest in the development and knowledge of the world around him. When at every step the child stumbles upon a strict "no", gradually this destroys interest and curiosity in the world around him, which slows down development. How to solve this problem? It's very simple - you need to create the safest conditions for the child, where everything will be possible for him, and set no more than 2-3 prohibitions, be sure to justify them. In such conditions, children become independent faster, and their research interest is stimulated.
4. Strict control.
Most often, parents tightly control not quite scarlet children - preschoolers and schoolchildren. If every time a child sits down to do his homework, a strict check awaits him, he does not learn independence, to be responsible for his actions and mistakes. Excessive severity and tight control suppress initiative, and, with regular use, negatively affect the emotional development of a little person's personality.
5. Lack of discipline.
It can be difficult for an adult to discipline himself, but what can we say about children who do not have so developed volitional qualities. Therefore, lack of discipline is not conducive to development. Absolute freedom of action does not contribute to the development of important qualities in a child - patience, perseverance. Moreover, chaos tires the child. But, it is important to understand that excessive control, which was mentioned above, is also not beneficial for the child. Therefore, everything needs a healthy balance. But, disciplinary rules must be in place.
6. Organization of leisure.
Sometimes parents themselves do not think about what harm the child and hinder his development. At the sight of a bored and aching child, mothers, especially busy ones, immediately find something to do for him, and if it doesn’t suit him, they suggest something else. Of course, this is convenient, and so you can offer the child something that will be useful for his development. But, if you constantly offer ready-made ideas for classes to your child, this will suppress initiative, creative thinking and independence in him. Sometimes you need to let your baby get bored so that he learns to occupy himself with something interesting, show initiative and develop independence.
7. Lack and excess of motivation.
The child needs motivation to learn new skills, learn something, explore. In such cases, absolutely everything works - encouragement, reward, verbal praise. When this is not enough for the baby, his development slows down, because he is not motivated for new discoveries and achievements. But, the problem also arises when parents praise their child. Such children begin to do something no longer for the sake of interest, but in the name of praise or reward. Over time, addiction develops, self-esteem decreases if there is no praise or reward.
8. Excessive custody.
One of the main responsibilities of a child is taking care of his safety. Therefore, there is nothing surprising in the fact that parents try to protect their baby from adversity as much as possible. But, excessive protection does not allow the child to develop and learns to take care of his own safety. For example, if a mother always firmly holds the baby in her arms near the roadway, without explaining why it is dangerous here, the baby will not learn to be careful when crossing the road and near it. In addition, excessive caution of parents can become fertile ground for the emergence of fears and the development of phobias in the baby.
9. Isolation from information.
Practically from birth to 3-4 years old - this is the period when the baby craves any information, and grasps it literally on the fly. This is the perfect time to learn letters, numbers, and learn a lot about the world around you. But, often adults mistakenly believe that due to early development and the provision of information, they "steal" the child's childhood. No, this is a big mistake! It is impossible to deprive a child of what he needs most. After all, teaching a child something new and useful is not “taking away childhood”, but, on the contrary, making it richer and more interesting.
10. Ignoring mistakes.
Let's look at an illustrative example. You can often observe such a picture - a child draws a gnarled line and says that it is a flower. Adults breathe in tenderly, praise the baby, say, "Oh, well done." And the kid quite sincerely believes that he is a genius artist, which is why he does not even try to paint better. Or another situation - a child forcibly tears out other children’s toys on the playground. Mom automatically picks up the baby, at the same time taking the toys away from him, and silently carries him away from them. The kid is not yet developed enough to understand such a subtle hint - they say, if my mother took me away, then I did something wrong. It is not enough just to stop the wrong actions, you also need to explain to the baby what needs to be done differently, and why exactly so, and not somehow differently. When a kid is wrong, he needs to talk about it. This does not mean at all that you need to scold at every step, but the baby must form in his head a picture of what is good and what is bad. Errors stimulate development, and if ignored, the child will not be motivated to develop.
Mom, everyone offends me - They are all bad son.
Teachers give me bad grades - Teachers are bad
I did not steal, I took it for a while - Of course my child is not a thief, as you might think, he is very good.
A sure sign of stupidity, constant complaints.
By the age of 17, your child has not read a single book outside of the school curriculum? Your child is dumb! Is he not interested in anything? He's Dumb! Talking about what he has no idea - DUMMY!
Do not indulge yourself with the illusion that he will pass the army, graduate from college and be lucky. He will forever remain stupid, the basis of cattle. Workouts are the first signal. Is he so good because he eats well? What are you happy about? Your poop producer is growing.
When he goes to work, he will find himself in a competitive environment where children who read books, were interested in something outside the school curriculum, which their parents were engaged in, will take a position above your son. He will walk and whine about how hard it is for him, what "idiots" are around him, and the stupid bosses cannot see his talents. What talents? The head is empty! And you will stroke him on the head, support him and only make him worse. Then he will be completely disappointed in work, sit on your neck and live on your pension in your apartment.
Not sure where to start? How to find an approach to a child? How to teach him to develop independently? Read books! They contain all the answers! No school can teach him how to think.
Don't automatically feel sorry for him, teach him to ask himself questions. Everyone offends you - Why? Nobody loves you? - Why? Once he finds the answer, he will have the opportunity to remedy the situation.
My child could not kill. Why is that? Who taught him to value life? Who explained to him the consequences of his actions? No one? Then why couldn't he? Is it good because you don't smoke? Wake up, he just doesn't smoke, well done. Does he exercise? Great, but Gazprom doesn't need such managers (no one needs them). We need smart, well-read. Otherwise, a non-smoking loader.
Mom three times divorced teaches her daughter how to treat men? What a fool! Sometimes it is better to be silent than to speak. Dad, who worked all his life as a watchman (security guard) instead of saying: Sonny, study, read, otherwise how I will live - He gives instructions on how to live right and that only botanists learn by losing the most valuable years. Hey daddy? Your kind will not develop, but degrade and will soon disappear, know this.
What inspired ... Somehow a mother came and was indignant that her "young genius" came for an interview, but he was not hired. She has the best one and we have no right to deny him employment and she will go to court. Welcome! I'll call my acquaintances, LET'S LET together! Her offspring is a stupid, pantory gopnik. I’m not like workers, such clients, God forbid. How will I let him into the office? What if he starts to lick the outlet or insult customers? Is he the best because he is yours? So pay him a salary, so listen to his claims and show-off. I do not need…
"Come on as soon as possible, otherwise we'll be late for kindergarten again!"- begs the mother, and the baby continues to hesitate. This problem is familiar to many adults. Someone forces children to finish breakfast or dressing, urging them on with hurtful words and even cuffs. Others, however, redo everything themselves, leaving alone the mess. How to help a slow child and an irritated mom?
To find the right approach to the solution, it is necessary to understand the reasons for this slowness. And they are not always on the surface. The problem is most often noticed by parents in preschool childhood, although the first signs can be tracked already in infancy.
Such a feature can cause a lag in learning and skills formation, low concentration and absent-mindedness, a sense of guilt due to regular remarks and, as a result, neuroses. Therefore, the identification of the source of sluggishness should be entrusted to a neurologist, psychologist or pediatrician.
Where does slowness come from?
- Sometimes this happens against the background of a long illness. After the restoration and increase of immunity, the pace of the child's activity is restored.
- It can arise due to organic brain pathology resulting from an unfavorable pregnancy, difficult childbirth or the birth of a premature baby.
- Often, excessive "lethargy" is just a period of normal development. In the early years (from 1.5 to 3 years old), children are characterized by imperfection of fine motor skills. Their fingers cannot cope with buttoning, tying shoelaces.
- Retraining left-handers to right-handers is also on the list of factors contributing to the slowing down of mental processes.
- The phlegmatic is a classic example of kopushi. He does not tolerate haste, reasonable and thorough. Dislikes innovations, chooses proven and familiar techniques. Waking up and getting ready is a real challenge for adults.
- A decrease in general activity is often associated with a stressful situation - moving, divorce, moving to a new educational institution, domestic conflicts. The child's psyche simply cannot cope with the increased load.
- Slowness is another form of manipulation of adults in a family with an authoritarian type of upbringing, strict requirements, severe punishments and continuous control. In this way, the child secretly protests against numerous assignments and orders.
So, in order to change the situation for the better, in some cases, it is enough to improve relations between household members, wait until he grows up, or conduct vitamin therapy in order to promote a speedy recovery. Now let's discuss what to do if the baby is unhurried by nature, and this is in no way connected with upbringing in a family.
Note to moms!
Hello girls) I didn't think that the problem of stretch marks would touch me, but I will also write about it))) But there is nowhere to go, so I am writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method will help you too ...
What do we have to do?
- Get an hourglass that shows how time passes. Invite the child to dress or eat until the sand runs out. With the help of such a device, he will independently learn to monitor the speed of his actions and will try to finish all things as quickly as possible.
- Sometimes a son or daughter falls into a stupor due to the difficulty of switching to other activities. Give them some time to get ready: "Play with the construction set for another five minutes, and then we'll have dinner and brush our teeth." The warning will prepare them for the next assignment.
- Most children feel calmer if they have a clear daily routine. Preschoolers who cannot read can find it helpful to have a graph with photographs that show the sequence of actions: washing, getting dressed, having breakfast, etc. This way you can significantly reduce the number of reminders, and the child will feel more confident.
- Develop the mobility of the nervous system through daily work. It can be running, finger gymnastics, cycling, rope exercises. To heighten the effect, switch from a slow rhythm to a fast one.
- Pay special attention to the adaptation stages in educational institutions, because these children are inherent in the fear of the unknown. Be sure to tell the teachers about the psychological qualities of the future pupil.
- Planning is one of the best methods of dealing with crumbs' sluggishness and irritation. If a student’s morning toilet takes, it seems, half the day, prepare his clothes in the evening and make sure that his backpack is packed and waiting for the owner at the door. Reduce the chaos and your emotional state will bounce back as well.
- Set clear time limits for your student for a specific activity. For example: "Dima, you have 20 minutes to have lunch." After 15 minutes, remind in a discreet way that the meal will be over soon.
- If a child has difficulties for school, not having time to master the educational material, you should help him at home. Disassemble and repeat everything that he goes through in the classroom. Better yet, go ahead a few topics in order to keep up with the teacher's thoughts.
- Provide gentle support and genuine interest to sluggish children at all times. They are very often unsure of their own skills and abilities, and also feel guilty about their slowness.
What shouldn't be done?
- Don't use offensive nicknames. The phrases "kopusha", "gimmick", "send for death" hurt your child. Treat him as if he already does almost everything on time (or, at least, tries).
- Never compare slow toddlers to their more active peers. Draw an analogy with their past results: "Now you eat much faster!"
- Refrain from participating in competitive games. Believe me, this will not bring a crumb of luck, because he painfully experiences any failure.
- Firmly understand that slowness is not a fault, but a peculiarity of a little man, so shouts, and even more cuffs, will not speed up his actions.
However, do not think that a leisurely child will grow up to be a failure. Remember age compensation and that it is in your power to help him adapt to the frantic rhythm of the world around him. And psychologists say that it is from phlegmatic crumbs that calm and purposeful people are most often obtained.
Why are some children slow?
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“Child, 5 years old. For 2 damned hours we learn the letter “B”, go to “C”, and after half an hour he has already forgotten “B”. Is this such stupidity? Or see a doctor? "
I see such posts on social networks and hear on the site regularly. And I can’t be silent. Not because I'm a child psychologist. Not because an experienced teacher. I'm not even an experienced mother: my child is not even 2 years old! Everything is simpler. I myself am that stupid child.
My name is Asya Yavits, I run an honest and funny telegram channel "Everyday life of a bad mother" and especially for readers site I want to speak out in defense of all "stupid" children.
At 7 years old, I read 32 words per minute, syllable by syllable. At the end of the 1st grade, my mother was called to school for a “conversation”. The day before we had a reading session for the whole parallel: each child had to bring his favorite book and promote it. One girl brought the Little Prince. The main honors student brought, of course, Jules Verne. And I brought the coloring book. With fairies. The text was there too, by the way! Well, something like "This is the fairy Flora." Or “Color Fairy Fauna and Fairy Flora. What beautiful dresses they have. For some reason, the teacher did not check it out.
It was not easy for my mom at all. I had to part with confidence in my fantastic abilities for motherhood. And what else to do when you first have a child who, at 8 months old, places chess pieces in cells, at 1.5 he quotes Mandelstam from a stool, and at 2 he reads him on his own ... but your next child starts walking at 2, and at 5 playing chess and books with dolls?
With mathematics, I was even worse: when dad, at the end of the 3rd grade, still tried to explain to me that when transferring from one part of the equation to another, the sign changes, then after 3 hours the cornice understood and collapsed. But I survived. My brain did not succumb to these logical explanations.
They took me to psychologists, they showed me cards. They also gave me pills. I was not just dumb, I still sucked my thumb until I was 7 years old and pulled my navel. Psychologists and doctors prescribed drugs in batches. The doctor grandfather saw one of these lists and said that it was a wonderful recipe for "salivating vegetable in a psychiatric way." But he will stop playing chess with dolls, of course.
What am I all for? Besides, I have 2 honors diplomas - from the Faculty of Economics and Philology. In 3rd grade, I read the best in parallel. In 6th she took 3rd place in the mathematical Olympiad of the coolest physics and mathematics school in St. Petersburg. The pills, which I regularly poured into the trash, helped.
How did it all work out? It goes by itself. Just when the time is right. Okay, okay, not reading by itself. But without a shout and a belt, for sure.
After a call to school about coloring pages, my mother spat on the psychologists, and all summer I was obliged to read the Carnation Adventures page every day. Aloud.
And in the fall, my mother read me all sorts of books at night herself. But in the evenings, apart from reading, she had a lot of "unimportant" things to do - cook dinner there, put away something, prepare for tomorrow's lecture. And she began to "not have time" to read to me. And by the way, it's hard to go to bed, leaving Tim Thaler crying alone in a dark park. Not knowing what happened next! So I had to finish reading it myself.
Then it was not very cool to listen to the same thing a second time, but not admit to my mother that I learned to read? At some point, she still caught me doing this shameful occupation, but she did not stop reading aloud, she just continued now from another place.
So if you are a parent of a "dumb" child who, in spite of you, does not want to turn on his brain, I ask, I beg you - don't touch him. Give it time. A lot of time. Find out his motivation. Find a good teacher. Not the one who will squeeze out all the juices, but the one who will interest. So much so that the child himself will find the necessary Olympiad and win it.
I believe that your strength is running out, I believe that at this age you snapped like nuts all these "Masha had three apples, and Petya gave her one more." But if your child does not click them, then maybe he just asks other questions? What is Masha talking about - about the one from the dacha, or the one from the kindergarten? And if this is Masha from the garden, then why does she need apples? She doesn't eat them. And in general, why did Petya give her more for no reason? And the banal "how many who have become" will begin to worry him later, when the time comes. Or they won't - you can be happy without them too, huh?
