One of the first steps in money coaching is to separate from your parents. The success of separation affects success in life. Why is that? And if the impact is negative, how to fix it?
Separation is the opposite of merging. We have both in our lives. These are stages of one process - maturation and development. But, as they say, everything has its time and place. The main thing is not to confuse and not to be late. Otherwise, problems arise.
A person is born through the fusion of two parental cells, and continues his life through separation from the mother, first physical and then psychological.
The first branch is childbirth. Then the child begins to walk independently. It is now more difficult for parents to control him, and he gets more opportunities.
The child begins to divide the world into "I" and "not-I". He learns to hear OWN WISHES and begins to build personal boundaries.
Separation is primarily a story about personal boundaries
What are personal boundaries? This is where my desires, feelings and freedom end, and others begin. This is wider than the boundaries of my "I", personal space and property issues. It is also the ability to distinguish between one's own and others' feelings, desires and emotions.
You may think: “I certainly know how to distinguish where my feelings are and where they are not mine.” But the fact is that emotional dependence, i.e. the opposite of this skill is very common. And just meets at incomplete separation. More on this later.
How boundaries are violated, and what it leads to
Where do weak boundaries come from? Most often this happens because parents did not respect the territorial boundaries of the child. What does it mean? Most of us come from the Soviet Union with its harsh housing policy, when owning a room was an unaffordable luxury and it was quite normal to live in a communal apartment.
When a person does not have his place, his territory, he does not have an understanding that his borders can be inviolable. And if there is a separate room, then you can not close the door. Or, if the door is closed, parents can enter without unnecessary ceremonies, knocking and warnings.
Parents traditionally ignore the boundaries of children. It is believed that the one who is older has every right to the territory of the child. You can enter whenever you want, you can order what and how to do, without prior agreements or any clarifications.
The child gets used to the fact that there is a force that has more rights than him. He begins to understand that the only way to get the intimacy of a parent is to allow his boundary to be violated. A fairly strong link is formed between the absence of boundaries and love.
As a result, such a person suffers a lot from self-identification. He does not understand where he ends and the other person begins. He knows that his border is quite ephemeral. Love - this dissolve in another.
If a person has no boundaries, he "flows" into his partner. The partner feels this as a process of absorption. He understands that he was tied hand and foot, feels very uncomfortable and begins to resist.
How else are our boundaries violated?
- My parents know best what I need. It is believed that the boundaries line up at the age of 2 to 6 years. At this age, the child contradicts, resists parents. If these attempts are severely suppressed, then he never manages to build a line of demarcation between "I" and "not-I".
The child will never learn to distinguish between his "I want" and the parent's "must". If my mother said that I need it, then I want it. If she doesn't like something, then it's bad for me.
- It is impossible to think, feel and desire differently than parents. Such manifestations are negatively assessed and even prohibited. And personal boundaries are bursting at the seams.
When a child is small, he adapts to the adult world because he is physically dependent on them. He strives to meet the expectations of adults and very subtly feels their emotions. Then a common emotional mother-child system is formed.
- Emotional blackmail. If you love your mom, you won't do that. After all, you don’t want her to be upset, sick, etc. She has a weak heart, nerves, etc. This is a direct path to strong emotional dependence.
If this is not recognized, then the mother-child couple does not have the freedom to choose how to react. They behave automatically. The mother is worried and so is the child. The mother is worried and so is the child. One screams, the other is offended. One is blaming, the other is angry. And it doesn't matter how old they are. If separation has not occurred, everything continues, even if the child is 40 or 50.
And most importantly, it is not clear who feels what and why. They think that the reasons for their anxiety are different, but in fact, one is worried simply because the other is worried. A person is not able to separate his feelings from the feelings of the mother. And this is an emotional addiction in the truest sense.
If personal boundaries are bursting at the seams:
- A person does not know how to solve any problems that require building boundaries in communication with other people. For example, tasks related to attitude to property. Normally, there is a clear boundary: this is mine, this is yours. I can give it to you, but it will remain mine. But I'll give this, and then it will be yours.
This also includes the well-known principle "do not do business with friends." It is connected with the inability to draw a dividing line between one and relations and others.
— Difficulties with contacts in society: a person is surrounded by authoritarian bosses who do not pay for overtime; friends who "know better how to live and what to do"; acquaintances who give unceremonious advice. It is difficult for an adult child to become successful.
— Tendency to addictions from emotional to chemical. Why and how does this happen? If a person has not built his boundaries, then his concept of "I" includes something external. Something without which he imagines his existence, because. it is part of it. After all, he does not separate himself from the world.
From here come “I can’t live without you” and addictions: emotional, food, sexual, alcohol, drugs.
— Losing strategies in society. Personal boundaries are also the ability to correlate external conditions and one's needs, to see the structure of the world around and act in it. What does it mean?
If this skill is not developed, then a person cannot find an adequate place for himself in any external structure. He perceives the proposed "rules of the game" uncritically, as mandatory, and at the same time cannot correlate them with personal interests.
- Inability to clearly and correctly identify their interests.
- The inability to say NO and the painful perception of rejection from the wrong side.
- Inability to resist aggression. And my own inability to make it clear where my boundaries are, calmly, confidently, without aggression.
- Hard boundaries. When a person feels that something is wrong with his borders, he often falls into the opposite extreme - he begins to destroy potential violators on distant approaches. Borders become impenetrable, and a person becomes inaccessible for any kind of intimate contact.
How to deal with boundary trauma?
Boundary injuries can be dealt with using recapitulation techniques. Pick a situation where your personal boundaries were violated. For example, parents entered your room without knocking, rummaged through your things, etc. Something that hurt you.
- Describe the situation on paper.
- Where did it happen?
- When did it happen?
- Who were the actors?
- Rate the situation on a scale of -10 to +10. -10 - it doesn't get worse, 0 - neutral, +10 - everything is just fine.
- Now change the situation. Important: you can change anything, but not the point in time at which it happens. Can do only one change at a time. Otherwise, the connectedness of the process of change is broken.
- Give an explanation for this change. How did this become possible?
- Tell the situation again and evaluate how many points now.
- If the situation is less than +10, then repeat the algorithm.
And so it is desirable to reach +10. Or at least improve as far as it is now possible. Repeat the algorithm as many times as needed. Another useful question: what is needed for the situation to be +10?
Explanations:
Why explain in paragraph 7 how this change was made possible? The subconscious must understand why at this moment there is such an opportunity. It is very important. For the same reason, you cannot change more than one element at a time (point 6). You can't jump. The subconscious will not believe, and the work will be useless.
For example, what happens if we jump. Situation: Mom makes you do homework with scandals and quarrels. I change - a new situation, I lie on the beach in Turkey. +10 everything is fine. How did you get there? The subconscious is incomprehensible. So it doesn't work.
It would be more correct this way - my mother does not force me to do my homework right away, but asks in a neutral tone: “How are you doing at school? What did you ask, did you do your homework for tomorrow? And develop the situation further. It's already -8, not -10. The next change is when mom says, “How are you doing at school? Do you need help with lessons? This is -3. The next thing is that I myself go up to my mother and say: “I need help with the lessons.” And so on. So we work through all the rising situations with violation of the boundaries.
How it works?
What is the beauty of this approach? The thing is, every change forces you to throw out the most unpleasant part of the situation, and as a result, the situation gradually gets better and better, but not ideal.
It can become ideal only when you have made the transition from quantity to quality. As soon as a qualitative change has occurred, you have a very strong release of charge, that is, the charge that was encapsulated in the situation suddenly returns to you, and you get a state and experience of the next quality.
If you talk from the point of view of neural circuits, that is, there is such a belief that some traumatic situations create certain channels of neural connections, a certain neural ring is created, through which an excess charge circulates. This charge begins to attract other traumatic situations.
When such a ring falls apart through repeated changes in the situation, then all the energy encapsulated in it returns to the person. This, of course, is a kind of metaphor, but it helps to roughly understand how it works.
The technique, with its simplicity, works great, unless, of course, you also work. Take episode after episode and work through it. Learn a lot about yourself in the process. I wish you interesting and useful discoveries and success. And next time we will continue - this is not all that I wanted to tell you about the separation. Another article and of course practice awaits you. Follow the mailing list!
The role of a father in a child’s life is often limited to financial injections (I earn money, and you figure it out yourself), and education is limited to strict heart-to-heart talks and rare joint walks under mother’s supervision. And this is even in complete families, where mom and dad live together, and must jointly participate in the upbringing of the child.
Many parents miss this moment by diverting their offspring's attention with toys - after all, it is much easier to put a tablet or phone in your hands than to play cars or walk through the park together. Joint pastime and communication play a huge role, because in this process, parents pass on their experience to the child, and share their views on life with them.
But the relationship with the pope affects the whole life of a person. Financial well-being and the ability to earn money depend on them (even if we are not talking about a family business). It is the relationship with the father that forms the model of behavior with the opposite sex in girls and becomes an example for boys.
If in childhood a girl receives enough attention, affection and tenderness from her father, she will easily accept them from her partner in adulthood. If the relationship between the girl and dad was inferior, she did not receive her portion of love in childhood, there is a high probability that in adulthood her relationship will be conflicting and inferior. And the choice of a man will be either a search for a "father" or his opposite.
Many are frightened by the negative experience of the mother and other women in the family, which can be “inherited”. But an incomplete family or problems of mom and dad are not always a sentence for the future happiness of their daughter. Even if the father was not around (the family broke up or he died), internal conflicts remain and affect a person's life. Until they are resolved, it is impossible to become truly harmonious and happy.
Your relationship with your father also affects your relationship with money. Resentment, discontent, impatience towards parents, as well as lack of sufficient respect for them, block the positive flow, which can affect the financial well-being of a person. Attitude to the father forms goals and determines how easy it is for a person to earn money, achieve success in life and career.
To understand, understand and improve your life situation, try starting with your relationship with your father. Don't know how? Come to Vladimir Tsigel's seminar “Dad. The male. Conscience”, ask questions of interest, and get practical help and recommendations that you can apply to any of your life situations.
Helped us:
Anna Nazarova
Psychologist, gestalt therapist
How we contact the opposite sex and the universe in general is more influenced by our relationship with our mothers. Interacting with the mother, the child learns to open up to the world - or completely refuses to trust him. Gains faith in himself - or gets used to doubting every step. Who cares. But dads are not given a load.
The first function of a father, psychology informs us, is to wedge himself into a cozy quarrel between mother and baby. Destroy their symbiotic relationship before it becomes threatening (after all, some parents, give them free rein, can fall in love to death). Demonstrate to the offspring of any gender that there is much more nearby. The whole world is still in his, daddy's, smoothly or not very shaved face. And then, when the child grows up and decides what he likes more - cars or baby dolls, the father will be able to turn around in full force. For a boy, it will become a model of real masculine behavior. And for the girl... And here the questions begin.
A father is a woman's first love
This is what the American psychotherapist Leah Seidler, who specializes in romantic relationships and marriage, says: “And if the girl did not feel that her dad admired her, she would hardly expect an enthusiastic attitude from her future partner.” This is supported by the results of a study cited by Seidler's colleague Sarah Simms Rosenthal in The Unavailable Father.
And they are as follows: the daughters of men who are emotionally closed and too restrained in the manifestation of parental feelings of men, as a rule, have much lower self-esteem than girls who grew up under the wing of warmer dads. And the saddest thing is that the first young ladies in the future are more likely to get involved in relationships with cold, devaluing and even aggressive partners. What kind of treatment they are accustomed to from childhood, they choose (unconsciously, of course), because care, respect and affection seem to girls to be something unnatural, suspicious and undeserved.
If we close our eyes to the fact that everything described one way or another also applies to relationships with mothers, the bottom line is that we get something interesting. The job of a father is to instill in his baby that she is the most beloved and generally the best. so that she has something to check with when it comes to sweets, bouquets and kisses. And, of course, strictly correspond to the image of a real man, so that the daughter does not miss her betrothed.
Perfect dad = perfect man
But here's the catch. We young ladies, and the author of these lines is no exception, tend to want too much from exemplary men. And for starters from their own dads. Jungian analyst Linda Shiers Leonard once asked her female students to sketch a rough portrait of an ideal parent. Here is what happened in the end: “Father is a strong, balanced, firm, active and courageous man; also warm, loving, sympathetic, gentle, considerate and emotionally involved in a relationship with a woman.
“Look what happens,” suggests psychologist Anna Nazarova, “ We demand much more from our father than from our mother.. By and large, we would like him to be not even a man, but an ideal androgynous creature. Our expert generally claims that gentlemen in the modern world live extremely hard. Kill the mammoth, tear the competitor, bring the skin for a fur coat into the house - in general, achieve it. And then listen to your wife, emotionally respond to her complaints and immediately correct yourself. And yes, be a real father to the child (by the way, where do they teach this?).
And since the image of the father really affects how the girl perceives the entire male world, this, let's be honest, unrealistic and overloaded with expectations, picture will most likely hang on the wall of her own love nest. With the amendments that the grown girl will make, focusing on the features of her real dad. And here are two options:
- or she will idealize her father and sift applicants for the hand and heart through the smallest sieve,
- or will begin to look for "only not like him," if the parent did not match the sample.
The role of the father in the behavior of a woman
“I would reduce the list of fatherly tasks to three points,” continues Anna Nazarova. - To accept a daughter in all her manifestations, including purely “girlish”, incomprehensible or even unpleasant for a man. Respect her choice, no matter what. And the most important thing for dad is to introduce his daughter to her own masculine resources and “allow” her to use them. In our still traditional society, such traits include everything related to rational abilities, competence, efficiency and activity.
You understand that the division is conditional. If there wasn’t a bit of masculine in you by nature, you would hardly have won the swimming competition at school or, for example, received a promotion by beating other applicants. But it just so happened: this is my father's patrimony. With him, the girl goes on a hike. Learning to climb trees. And how smarter it is to pile on an impudent classmate, she, too, most likely, will learn from her father.
However, not every parent copes with this task. Let's start with the fact that for any citizen, even seriously aimed at a worthy performance of the father's role, the birth of a daughter is a shake-up. This is a tiny woman, but it’s difficult with us (look at the article “Women's team through the eyes of a man”, there is first-hand evidence). The biochemistry and the reactions caused by it are too different for the sexes. But it's about something else.
15 years - this is the average age of onset of sexual activity in girls who grew up without a father. They often become very young mothers. Psychologists consider unconscious fear to be one of the reasons: men always leave, and we must hurry.
Source: Linda Nielsen, Between Fathers and Daughters
Two types of women raised by fathers
The newly-minted dad may well turn out to be the owner of a well-formed neurosis and simply fear - subconsciously, of course - all the Adamov's daughters. And here - congratulations, you have a daughter! One of the solutions to the problem is to place the girl in a strict framework of a relatively safe role for a man and block the manifestation of undesirable traits. So the father is calmer.
The already mentioned Linda Shiers Leonard describes the "eternal girls" - doll-like feminine, picturesquely graceful, dependent, dependent. Open Instagram, look through gossip, read something “Vedic” – this is a story from there. With a high degree of probability it can be argued that princesses were raised by domineering, authoritarian, patriarchal fathers. Which, if you dig deep, doubted their own male viability. What to do? Convince the failure of those who are weaker. Forbid the girl to show masculine qualities, that is, to compete with her father in some way. Be beautiful and marry well, and the rest is none of your business.
At the other extreme, according to Leonard, are the Amazons. Rigid, oppressive, uncompromising. Men? They lie, they don't keep their word, you can't rely on them. Most likely, female warriors grew up with weak character, irresponsible, unreliable unable to provide for a family and, perhaps, drinking fathers. The mechanism of hypercompensation is triggered, and the daughter takes on ostentatious masculinity, takes responsibility for everything in the world, since dad has failed.
“In both cases, girls grow up deeply insecure, which means they constantly control everything and everyone,” explains Anna Nazarova. “And the worst thing is that such a dad’s school gives them a very narrow range of actions in relationships with other men.” Roughly speaking, the "Amazon" will always come across partners who need to be patronized and led through life, and the "eternal girl" - those who will gladly confirm her subordinate position. Even if she has a mind chamber and her own business, the echo of her father's "be a cutie" will not allow the young lady to demand a different attitude towards herself.
How to get rid of paternal image settings
Look back at your romantic history. Are there any recurring episodes in it, somewhat reminiscent of what we talked about? Listen to yourself. How often do you reproach a man for irresponsibility? Or maybe you always expect him to recognize your merits - as a professional, athlete, activist? If so, then it seems that childhood relationships with dad remind of themselves. Go to the parent with claims? That's not worth it: as a rule, it's pointless. It is better to work with attitudes related to the paternal image, and through it - and the whole masculine gender. Perhaps with the help of a therapist. And if there is order with reflection, there will be enough books: L. Sh. Leonard “Emotional female trauma”, L. Zoya “Father. Historical, psychological and cultural analysis”, K. Elyacheff and N. Einish “Daughters-mothers. Third wheel?".
The vector of work in all cases is to say goodbye to the image of the “ideal father”. This is not easy - you have to cry, get angry and, finally, accept the loss. Turn your superdad into a living person, with weaknesses and shortcomings. In the "bad" father, try to find at least something positive. If it doesn’t work out, it makes sense to look for a substitute parental figure: an older relative, a teacher or a respected colleague can also evaluate and approve your success in a conditionally male field.
“Until such work has been done, until you have confidence in your own resources, you will constantly expect decisiveness, courage or acceptance, approval from your beloved - depending on what exactly you lacked in communication with a parent. And all this is in superlatives, - says Anna Nazarova. - But you will cope with the task - and you will begin to see a real person in your partner. Relations with him will be built differently: you will become self-sufficient and stop projecting your unsatisfied childish “hunger” onto a man. You will accept him alive - both in weakness and in strength. And then you will finally get a full-fledged union of two multifaceted personalities.
Why it's good to be a daddy's girl
Girls who had warm relationships with their fathers grow up to be successful women in many ways. Here are the results of research published in Psychological Science, Fathering and Evolution and Human Behavior. If you have a daughter growing up with a man, make sure that he reads this too.
- Nutrition and health. The daughters of friendly and caring dads are usually well versed in what proper food is. They are much less likely to have an intimate acquaintance with eating disorders than those whose fathers professed austerity or aloofness.
- Social life. Girls who often played with their dads show better interpersonal skills and empathy as adults and are better at coping with mood swings.
- Intelligence. Fathers who talk a lot, read a lot, go to museums, and play with their little daughters are doing well. Scientists have found that subsequently the children of such parents demonstrate a higher level of intelligence compared to their peers (tests were conducted at 11 years old and at 42 years old).
- Career. Women who grew up in families where the father honestly shared household duties with the mother and devoted a lot of time to children usually set higher career goals and are less influenced by gender stereotypes.
YOUR ATTITUDE TO THE MOTHER shapes your personal life, the personal life of your children, your health and the health of your children (your kind)! Mother is the first guru in our life, if relations with the mother are not established, then there is no need to talk about full-fledged spiritual self-improvement. A harmonious relationship with the mother is a reflection of the evolutionary level of a person and the key to solving many problems in a person's life!
YOUR ATTITUDE TO YOUR FATHER shapes your ideas, your intuition, your ease of making money, your financial well-being, your goals (the clarity of knowing what you want in life), your career (its success).
Dmitry Trotsky talks about a simple way to work out the birth canals (relationships with mother and father) in the two videos below.
Other important points on working out your relationship with your mother and how to meet your life partner:
How to ask for forgiveness:
So, to work out the birth canals, we use the power of forgiveness (we ask for forgiveness) and the power of gratitude (we express gratitude). Here's the thank you article
We have already discussed the topic of how important a relationship with a mother is in order to build harmonious relationships with men and the outside world. In this article, we will talk about the role of a father and how his presence or absence has affected your life. You can scold your father for leaving the family or he lived with you, but behaved in such a way that it would be better if he left you with your mother and would save you from his bad mood, lies and the eternal smell of alcohol. Everything in the family was great and dad is a beloved and very dear person who gave a sea of warmth and the feeling that you are his little princess. But in both cases, whether the relationship with dad has developed or not, they leave an imprint on the subsequent stages of your life.
shutr.bzWhat kind of men do you choose, how do you behave with them, how much do you value yourself, will you be able to get the support, help, protection and love that you need, or will you choose the path of an independent and strong woman - just a few of them. By denying and not accepting your own father, you build a barrier between yourself and other men. At the same time, stuck in the role of "daddy's daughter" and the favorite of the family, you can refuse adult relationships, afraid of the upcoming responsibility. It was dad / father / the person whom you call only by name, who influenced how you manifest yourself in society and what prohibitions you keep in your head. If you're haunted by the fear of rejection and loneliness, or if you think love has to be earned, you may need to rethink your relationship with your father. And even though you cannot change what happened in childhood, you can influence what is happening now.
paternal figure
In an article about parents, it would be strange not to mention psychoanalytic theories. The role of the father at different stages of personality development can hinder or, accordingly, help the girl to gain the necessary experience and communication skills with society and the opposite sex. So, if the parents divorced when the girl was 4-5 years old, she has a feeling of anger at her mother, and if a stepfather also appears, this causes sexual attraction to her gender.
If the parents divorced when the girl was 4-5 years old, she has a feeling of anger at her mother
After all, it is at this age that the laying of sexual orientation and the acquisition of gender identity takes place. When the stepfather appears, the girl begins to behave like a boy, as if remaining faithful to her inner dad. During this period, the father symbolically shares the girl with her mother, helps her to realize her separateness and her own feminine principle. This happens when a girl experiences an Electra complex (the same as boys have an Oedipus complex).
A plus. If the most difficult period of the formation of a female identity has been successfully passed, then in adulthood you will be open to mature relationships, trusting men and separating from your parents.
Minus. An incorrectly passed stage or “stuck” at the age of 4-5 will find a way out either in the rejection and rejection of men, or in excessive attachment to the father and parental family.
Cross out the excess
If it so happened in your family that your parents separated, this does not mean that your father needs to be “cut off”, forbidden to talk about him or throw mud at him. In this case, there are many dangers for the daughter: to enter into a coalition with her mother against her father and learn from her all the bitterness of resentment towards men, to be left without the support of her masculine family.
A plus. If, despite the fact that your parents divorced or your father died when you were little, you managed to maintain a good attitude towards him, a bright memory and you learned to share your mother’s attitude towards him and your own, you will be able to receive fatherly support, even if he is not around .
Minus. You, repeating after your mother, do not love your father and transfer her distrust of men to the rest of the strong half of humanity. You “record” the installation that men are traitors and you can only rely on yourself.
shutr.bz “I’m with dad” is another pole of the same problem: instead of uniting with mom, you unite with dad, trying to take the place of your mother. Together with your father, you criticize your mother, her mistakes and behavior. At the same time, the father figure blocks your access to meeting a worthy partner, because “the most important man in your life” is dad, and if he does not fade into the background, all the rest will seem only his echo and shadow.
Just don't fight
Various processes are constantly taking place in the family: someone quarrels, someone reconciles, converges, diverges, and at this time children can not only observe parental skirmishes, but also be drawn into their relationship.
The reason why divorce is traumatic for a child is that he begins to blame himself for everything.
One of the reasons why divorce is so traumatic for a child is that he begins to blame himself for everything. You begin to think that if you behaved better, studied only for "12", dad would not have left you. If your parents lived or continue to live in a constant situation of “we are filing for divorce”, you may well find echoes of their passions in your own destiny.
A plus. You do not interfere in what is happening between your parents and do not try to reconcile them, “glue” them, and you put your strength into your husband / partner.
Minus. Being stuck in the relationship between mother and father as a buffer, you risk staying with them forever, instead of one day “flying out of the nest”. Worrying about their marriage, about being the only link between them, will prevent you from building your own family.
Attitude towards finance
It is the father who helps the girl to feel that she is loved and deserves all the best. Gifts, signs of attention, surprises - dad will always bring the most beautiful doll and give money for a trip with classmates to the mountains. But if there was no kind and generous dad, if he refused to pay alimony or forced to beg for money for everything? Then a habit is formed from childhood to perceive men as a source of financial benefits, status.
A plus. Everything has worked out for you with your attitude to money, you can freely earn it yourself and accept that a man can pay for you. You are not afraid to financially support your husband/partner when he has financial difficulties and you do not feel that he is using you.
Minus. In the negative development of events, two scenarios arise: “I myself” will earn, I will achieve, I can, so as not to remember how in childhood my mother begged my father for a circle and justified why; to buy your mom everything she didn't have, so that no man would ever have power over you again. Such an independent woman does not allow herself to be paid for, does not tolerate a man treating her with something or making expensive gifts. Scenario two: a kept woman who sees men as a way to get a new bag/a good job/a trip to the islands.
You prove to other men (although in fact - to your father) that you don’t need them and you can do everything yourself
But in both cases, a woman is not driven by her own choice, this is just an anti-strategy. You just prove to the rest of the men (although in fact to the first man in your life - your father) that you don’t need them and you can do everything yourself. Or you take revenge on them, using them as a way of obtaining benefits that are not even always needed, that is, you treat them as an object.
admiration in the eyes
So, we discussed the main points where the role of the father played a decisive role. And I want to devote the next paragraph to how you build relationships with your husband, so that your daughter will already grow up feminine and beloved. Although it is now customary to devalue the role of the father, it is still very difficult to delete this figure from life, and it is not necessary. Psychoanalyst Gabriel Ruben notes that it is the father who allows and forbids.
shutr.bz It is the father who must act as a guarantor of the honor of his daughter, that no one will offend her, to be her protector. Dad will help the daughter not to enter into a relationship ahead of time and cut off unsuccessful candidates, for example, trying to use her daughter as a sexual object. A daughter must admire her father, and in order to develop her personality, she needs to consider her father strong and powerful. First of all, your little daughter reads your respect and admiration for your husband. The way you look at him and how you speak of him. The daughter looks at you and decides whether to respect dad, whether to be proud of him.
Remember all this and do not criticize your husband in front of your daughter, without giving a reason to doubt your father's status.
