Our thoughts and feelings are sometimes difficult to explain, they are difficult to formulate, understand and accept. And if suddenly something completely seemingly irrational comes to mind, it is doubly difficult. And practically none of us turns to a psychologist with our life problems, although this seems completely natural. Therefore, many people, faced with some kind of psychological problems, try to solve them on their own, including with the help of the Internet. Today we will talk about such a difficult situation: what if you want your best friend?
Of course, catching yourself thinking that you want your best friend, it is difficult to come to your senses. And there are several options for possible behavior in such a situation. The first step is to try to accept the existence of such a feeling.
Probably everyone knows that the appearance of sexual attraction to a person of the same sex is homosexuality or bisexuality (if at the same time a person is able to feel attraction to members of the opposite sex). Feelings like these are hard to accept, especially if they arise for the first time. After all, from an early age, we all treat them wary or even strongly negatively. But, it is worth noting that this attitude is mainly due to a lack of information. To replenish it, you can turn to the research of many modern psychologists, doctors, sociologists and other specialists.
As shown by statistics, regardless of country, religion and other factors around the world and in every society, there are from three to ten percent of homosexual / bisexual people. At the same time, scientists disagree a little about why there is generally a sexual attraction to members of the same sex. Some attribute this to heredity, while others insist on the social nature of homosexuality. And these versions do not contradict each other at all.
But still, what to do when you feel sexual desire in relation to your best friend?
What to do if you fell in love with a friend?
There are generally three scenarios for the development of events, you can assess the likelihood of any of them. So you can express your feelings openly, talk about them to your friend and show signs of attention. You can also try to translate them into creativity and other activities. Also, some psychologists recommend directing the emerging desires to another object, for example, to a man or to a completely different woman.
Of course, the choice of behavior option largely depends on the specific situation, on the characteristics of sexual orientation and other factors. Let's try to speculate about the possible development of events.
We do not hide our feelings
If suddenly the reaction turned out to be positive, you can continue to act. And then all the movements and actions are entirely at your discretion. After all, in fact, courtship in a same-sex couple practically does not differ from typical actions in a heterosexual couple.
It must be remembered that any attempt to openly express your feelings may well cause a negative reaction and destroy friendship.
Taking inspiration from other activities
Sometimes the feelings are not mutual, and sometimes they are simply not given a directional outlet. But it is quite possible to direct sexual desire in a completely different direction, using it as a great source of inspiration. After all, doctors have long found out that during the period of falling in love and passion, mental abilities, dedication, concentration of attention and other qualities increase, which help to achieve success in various types of activities. Of course, the very first thing that comes to mind is creativity - poetry, drawings, music. But in fact, if you are far from creativity, it is quite possible to throw out the energy of feelings in working on various labor-intensive projects and in self-improvement. So, you can learn a new language, learn something completely new, or devote yourself to career growth, etc.
Maybe you can turn your attention to someone else.?
Of course, in our society, a monogamous lifestyle is widely promoted, according to which attraction and other similar feelings can be experienced only for one person. But in fact, the objective reality may be slightly different. So, if you've realized that you want your best friend, and reciprocity is completely impossible (for whatever reason), try looking around. Indeed, in the world there are many people who differ in character, behavior, appearance. And to get to know the inner world of others is truly a fascinating undertaking. Perhaps in this knowledge you will be lucky and you will be able to find another person you like. Even though it seems now that you don’t need anything else, and it cannot be. But one person, albeit a close one, cannot at all replace all the various characters, impressions and emotions.
So, once you feel passion for your best friend, you should embrace those feelings. And then think about how to implement them, and whether you need this implementation in the first place.
The relationship between two people is complex enough. And it doesn't matter in what direction they develop. Whether it is ordinary friendship or love, it is very difficult to understand some of the moments that arise between partners or friends. But it is even more difficult when friendship on the one hand meets love on the other. And in this situation it is simply impossible to figure it out on our own ...
But, fortunately, on the Internet there is a lot of very good advice from psychologists and people who have encountered a similar problem and solved it. And we will try to put all these tips together to help solve your problem.
Is your best friend not just a friend now?
Friendship often develops into love. It is understandable, you have known each other for a long time, you know all the little things, all the dreams and desires, your favorite books and films ... And everything would be great, but she does not even know about your feelings ... And day after day you ask yourself what to do if I want my best friend, but you still don't get an answer?
Is there a friendship between a man and a woman?
You are the soul of the company, and she is your best friend, who consults with you about her beloved? It’s hard to see how your beloved girl turns on with another, and also advise her on how best to act ...
Do not try to be petty and advise her what will definitely not work - this will only destroy your trusting relationship. It is best to try to make her fall in love with you, because true, strong love should be built on friendship and trust, and you are already halfway there!
The best way is to show her how dear you are to her. Remember, you have a huge advantage over other guys - you know all her dreams, all secret desires, favorite things. Give your beloved a special gift, something that she has long wanted or something that she loves very much: favorite sweets, a teddy bear or a bouquet of her favorite flowers.
Do not hide your feelings from her - lay it out as it is. And stop acting like a friend to her! Until you become a man for her, she will never perceive you as a man.
Instead of listening to her raving about girlfriends, clothes and her ex-boyfriends, you better take and kiss her! Remember, be a macho for your beloved, and she herself, without realizing it, will reach out to you.
What if you are a girl and you want your best friend?
Here, of course, everything is much more complicated ... Bisexual relationships are underdeveloped in our country, and many perceive them negatively. If your friend is straight, then no matter how much you want your best friend, you will have to reckon with her position and her worldview.
Although, of course, there is always a chance. Do not hide your feelings, gather your courage and tell her everything the next time you meet. You should not wait for an opportunity, a romantic atmosphere or her good mood - life is short, and such a case may not come.
She may not take things the way you expect, so don't be under illusions about her reaction. After you tell her how you feel, give her time to think things over. If she is ready for a bisexual relationship, but cannot decide on such a relationship with you, persuade her to just try it. After all, you are best friends, she needs to understand you!
It's another matter if she is an inveterate straight woman and cannot imagine love and sex at all without a man's penis. Then do not insist, give her time to get used to this thought. Be sure to tell her that your friendship will not suffer from her choice, and no matter what she decides, you will always remain her best friend and in any circumstances will support her and help her.
While your best friend is thinking, don't waste your time and start getting active. Show more attention and care, but do not insist on meetings. Try to show her that you are always there and that you know her better than any other guy in her life. But remember, if she firmly made it clear that she is not ready (at least not yet) for such a relationship, do not insist, otherwise you can scare her and lose forever.
If you started - go to the end!
So you've got your way, and now if you want your best friend, can you just take her out on a romantic date? I can congratulate you! But remember - if you nevertheless destroyed your friendship, replacing it with love, you should not waste your feelings. Love her, and try to make her happy, because otherwise would it make sense to lose her best friend and support in her face?
In the summer I got a new job. very good friends with the team. we began to communicate very closely with one girl. became friends. we trust each other a lot, we consult.
began to catch myself thinking that I want her! it never happened, I liked the boys, and I still like it now. I always thought about other girlfriends that if I was a guy, then something could be between us. and I want her as a girl girl! I know that she once had sexual experiences with girls (with two, NOT at the same time). Perhaps this information somehow influenced me too. She has been married for 6 years, the child is 4.5 years old, and she has been together with her husband for 10 years. she is 6 years older than me. I don't know how to behave.
one of our friends once told me "she said that if you weren't her friend, she would have slept with you." told me this in front of her, she did not deny, which means she really said so, I think.
she knows that I want her, but does not agree, because she believes that after sex the relationship can deteriorate. apparently, he values me as a friend. I understand all this, but sometimes I think that I don't care what will happen next, I want to try.
I don't want some other girl, I want to try it with her. I was offered by Internet acquaintances to find a bi girl for experience, so that later I would know how to behave with her, but I don’t want to. I only want her.
we communicate very closely, even her husband says that she pays a lot of attention to me, sometimes even more than to him. we work together with her, but in different places, in the evening I come to their office every day, then either at home, or somewhere and to her.
slept several times together, even under one blanket. when this happens, I always hug her or she me. but nothing happens.
Once we were with colleagues in a bar, I suggested that we go to the room to spend the night, maybe I live nearby - 6 minutes to go home. one of the colleagues told her "if you go to her right now and go to bed, you will sleep like that, and if you start touching and kissing her, then everything will happen for you." she nevertheless decided to go home to her husband and son.
The next day she told me that she was even ready to try, and if she went to me, then perhaps something would have happened, but she decided to prevent everything and therefore went home. later we discussed this via SMS, but said "maybe I'm tuning up, maybe everything will happen soon, maybe you will have happiness." but when she says this, I tell her that I don’t want to, and after a while I say the opposite. when I say so, she kind of jokingly complains to our friends-colleagues, who are aware of "I'm already ready, she doesn't want me anymore." I don't like it, I told her about it, like "why are you telling them this, if you have already told me everything about this that you wanted?" she again answers that she is configuring.
she loves me (she said so more than once), but apparently as a friend. loves to spend time with me. she likes it when I want to spend time with her. when she is late at work, I stay with her.
I don’t know sometimes how to behave around her. I have opposite feelings for her: either I say that I am glad that I changed my job, otherwise I would not have met such a wonderful person and friend like her, then I think that it would be better if I left for another job in the summer and would not visit me right now thoughts of bisexual experience.
Am I really bisexual ??? Or is it just because of my youth for the sake of interest I want to try something ???
I recently turned 24 years old.
thanks!
Close relationships and attachments often develop into love. This is a natural phenomenon when it comes to the attraction of different genders. And if you have feelings for a same-sex partner, what to do with this situation? Some are visited by a feeling of guilt and shame, as a result of which a person closes in on himself from a misunderstanding of his own nature and the condemnation of society. Let's talk about the intimate relationship of two women.
When such a situation arises, you cannot panic, get upset. Yes, it all happened unexpectedly. Yes, the norms of society deny such a relationship. Too many "buts" appear in front of a girl in love. But life is one, and I want to live in love. How to get out of this situation?
Propose to her?
Confessing your feelings is necessary. But first you need to understand the nature of your own feelings: love, charm, love? You need to understand your own feelings, only then take a responsible step. Weigh the pros and cons, try to predetermine the future of further relationships.
Having made a decision, you need to immediately confess your feelings, you should reassure your girlfriend: denial of sexual contact will not affect further friendship. An intimate offer is not an ultimatum.
Try to explain: a new sexual experience cannot hurt. Purpose: to intrigue, interest, create the prerequisites for the desire for new sensations.
What if she refuses me?
Quite likely the result of frank explanations. This should be taken into account. Refusal can have a tinge of categorical and categorical, and one should internally prepare for it. But rejection is better than uncertainty. Although, some lovers enjoy dreams of the object of their feelings and are quite happy. It all depends on the individual perception of life, the very concept of "love".
What should I do to get her to agree?
It is impossible to make a person fall in love. True love in the heart is unconditional. The lover cannot manipulate the object of love; on the contrary, he is inclined to fall into dependence. Love is not aggressive - it is gentle and soft. Try to conquer your friend with care, soft charm.
A win-win- to tame a person, to make him feel the need for your constant presence. Give tenderness and love - and as a result, achieve reciprocity. Softly, slowly, without pressure or coercion.
I only want to chat with my best friend
Do you want to keep in touch with your best friend? Reach for a reciprocal desire. Become necessary! When the soul is filled with feeling for a person, he will feel it without fail. You can find common hobbies for hanging out together. It's easier for you to be constantly around than for a guy in love.
You can go shopping, cook food, clean the house together. Idea: let your friend's hobby become your hobby as well. A joint trip to a fitness club, swimming in the pool, hobby for dancing - there are an incredible amount of chances to be together all the time!
How to behave so that everything is good?
You should behave naturally and naturally. Realize: you have a chance for reciprocity. Why? Because the nature of women is bisexual. You should not take a friend with pressure: it is better to slowly accustom to new relationships. The main thing is to become indispensable, necessary.
You have an undeniable advantage over guys in love: the ability to touch the object of passion without suspicion.
Girlfriend not ready for sexual same-sex relationships? “You shouldn't force her. Life will provide a moment for active action and recognition, it is better to wait for this stellar chance.
How long can all this last?
One should not rush in deeds of love. In the arsenal of a man in love, there are erotic fantasies and dreams: they are enough for a long time.
Is your friend a desperate straight girl? - There is still a chance for the reciprocity of girlish love. Take advantage of her quarrel with her boyfriend and offer your tenderness. This scenario is quite acceptable.
How long will it take?
It is impossible to answer unequivocally: people are different. Response feelings can appear suddenly, or they can be in the recesses of the soul for a long time. Try to feel happiness just in the presence of a dear friend. A year, two, three - are you in a hurry? Your happiness is near.
My best friend comes to me in my dreams
Human dreams are associated with the subconscious. In dreams, we can be frank with our own soul and not be afraid of the judgment of others.
If a friend is a frequent visitor in intimate dreams, you can count on the reciprocity of sexual desires.
The difficulty lies in the manifestation of openness of feelings: girls tend to be intimidated by a frank confession of desire for intimate contacts. In this case, you should try to explain yourself frankly. If frankness does not work, continue intimate meetings in your dreams.
Sleep is considered a second reality, and the sensations of contact are perceived quite tangibly. In dreams, we can allow ourselves more emotions and courage, so many people like the fulfillment of sexual desires in a dream.
Is my sexual psychology impaired or not?
Psychologists are unanimous: most women are bisexual. In such a context, it is impossible to consider attraction to a friend as a sexual deviation. Practice shows: with close trusting relationships, the feeling of falling in love is natural, and the girlfriend becomes an object of adoration and admiration. The problem of mental deviation disappears.
When such a situation arises, it is necessary to analyze your own feelings and not rush to extremes. Something to understand: is charm a sex drive? Sexual fantasies that arise may turn out to be a common obsession that fades over time.
With a persistent desire for intimate contact, you must confess everything and not torture yourself. And then - how lucky.
Do not miss. ... ...
I want her! -
You are mine - I am yours -
I fell in love with a girl -
