Excerpt from Adamus Saint-Germain's channeled via Geoffrey Hoppe. .
… The disciple was lying in his bed, possibly after the worst period of his life. He went through 21 days of incessant illness, mental chaos, hopelessness and a complete lack of understanding of what to do and where he was. During these days he was completely alone, alone with himself, and most of the time he could not even eat himself - he was in such a state of chaos.
It all started when his physical body got sick. Perhaps the flu or the common cold, but none of the symptoms came up. There was complete confusion. He did not want to go to a doctor because he knew from his own experience that very few doctors really understood what was happening to someone who went through his enlightenment.
So he lay for 21 days in his bed, not understanding whether it was a dream or a reality, what was real and what was not.
It was a nightmarish experience, being face to face with himself in the darkest and worst possible ways imaginable, while his body was in a state of terrible pain. Often sweaty, often so cold that no blanket or fire could ease his deep inner agony.
This was the worst period. And there were moments when he wanted to get rid of, to get rid of the physical body. The moments when he scolded and cursed the fact that he had ever thought about waking up at all. Because now, during these 21 days of terrible physical and mental agony, none of the words he heard from teachers or read in books had no meaning and could not somehow correct the situation in which he found himself.
Patrick was lonely and unhappy.
see also
At the end of 21 days, he began to emerge from this terrible darkness in which he was, still not sure who he was and what happened. He was filled with doubts. He was filled with uncertainty and still a lot of conflict. But he felt that there had been some kind of shift in those three weeks. Something has changed.
Suddenly the Master appeared before him. Patrick, the disciple, thought irritably, “I don’t like this, the Master just suddenly appears. I didn’t hear any steps. He did not knock on the door and did not announce his arrival, and in this state or position I do not even understand whether he is physically present here or not. "
But another part of him was glad that the Master had come. There was a kind of return to what might be called a normal state, to what he could recognize. And the fact that the Master was here could mean either that he went through this very difficult period, or that he was dead.
He asked loudly, “Dear Master, I think I have died. This is true?". The Master took a deep breath, looked at the bed where Patrick was lying, and for a moment felt a little sadness. Because he remembered his own very difficult and difficult times - just as he was torn apart in every sense, was lost and felt like he was in his own hell.
The master looked at Patrick and said, “No, my friend, you are not dead. You are quite alive. We can say that before this experience, before, you were really dead. You have lived in limitations. You lived in a state of fear. You lived without realizing the true "I Am" - and this, for me, is a greater death than just letting go of the physical body. But no, my dear friend Patrick, you went through this. And you are very, very alive. "
Patrick took a deep breath and was immensely relieved to know that he was still alive. He withstood this very difficult 21 days.
Patrick said to the Master, "Master, will this be the last time I have experienced this incessant harsh chaos in my body and mind?"
The master took a deep breath and replied, “No, Patrick, this will not be the last time. Even Masters, even Ascended Masters will go through periods like this. This is cleansing. This is liberation.
Because as long as you are connected with the Earth, connected with the human body and with other people, you will always accumulate this fat, this resin, this dirt and imbalances of the vibrational state ...
... So you will go through it. But the good news is that in the future you will be doing this as an observer. You won’t be so deeply involved and won’t ask yourself if you’ll get through it. You will already know what you will pass.
Yes, the body can get sick, and yes, there may be a time when the mind gets confused. But, as an observer, as a Master, you will understand that you have already gone through this. There will be no question whether it will work or not. Yes, it worked once before. And the point is only to allow this very natural process to go through - this purification and renewal. "
Patrick said to the Master: “But can't I do it in another reality or in another dimension? Why does it have to happen here in this dimension, and therefore has to be so difficult? "
And the Master answered Patrick: “Because you accumulate it here. You walk through the experience here. Therefore, you cannot take it to another dimension in order to purify yourself. You have to do it from the inside.
But I repeat, remember, dear Patrick, that when you go through similar experiences again in the future, you will be an observer. You see, here, on this 21 day that you went through, you were not an observer. You were, one might say, a victim. You were so deeply immersed there that you could not see that you had already gone through it.
You were so deeply in the experience of pain, doubt and fear that you could not see that it was really a time of renewal and purification. Your doubts have clouded your true thoughts, your true knowledge and your “I AM” to the point where you forgot who you were and your “I AM,” Patrick. And this will not happen again. "
Patrick took a deep breath, a breath of relief - knowing that he would never have to go through that level of doubt and suffering again.
see also
As he took a deep breath, he thought about the next question for the Master. And he asked, “So who am I now? What will I be now that I have gone through the deepest, most ruthless and ruthless transformation? Who will I be now? "
And the Master thought for a moment, remembering his own time when he asked the same question - “What will happen next? Now that the old identity has been completely destroyed? Now that any ties with the "old self" have been completely severed, what will happen next? "
The Master smiled, remembering how long ago he had asked his Master the same thing. He took a deep breath and said, “Patrick, you tried so hard to hold on to your old personality. Despite the fact that you said that you were on the spiritual path, despite the fact that you said that you choose enlightenment - every time enlightenment came to you or tried to come to you, every time when true awareness was standing straight in front of you, you continued to hold on to the old personality.
The old personality was limited. The old personality was not asleep or awakened - it was simply very limited. You tried so hard to make this old person enlightened. You tried to make old Patrick an enlightened being, instead of allowing ALL of you, all of I AM to be enlightened.
You called it the pursuit of enlightenment, but in reality you were just trying to make Patrick's life a little easier and a little better. You lived in the greatest duality that a person can live in - in duality, where, on the one hand, you said that you wanted freedom, enlightenment and awareness, while, on the other hand, you did everything you could to hold on to your limitations, your old personality, your spirituality, your old self.
Isn't it amazing Patrick, isn't it amazing that these past few years of your life have been excruciating in many ways? Isn't it amazing that you felt like you were not real with You in many ways? Isn't it amazing that you've been constantly out of sync with yourself as well as with the rest of the world these past couple of years?
Isn't it surprising that your energy level was low, because your energy went into efforts in attempts to protect the old personality - to protect it from the outside world, to protect it from yourself, to protect it even from its own enlightenment. Your energy was spent on all the shields and walls around you, on games and pretense. Therefore, you were exhausted and confused.
For so many years you have lived in a state of great inner conflict, a great fight with yourself, trying to do the right thing, trying to be spiritual, at the same time, whether you realize it or not, trying to just embellish your old personality.
That is why you and many who came before you find themselves in a similar situation - twenty-one days, sometimes even longer, of intense, unremitting, merciless ... compassion.
From now on, there is no more Patrick until you want Patrick to be. But now you are no longer limited to one expression or one person. You are nothing. You don't exist anymore. You were destroyed and ripped out of existence. Nothing left. From now on, you are nothing.
But nothing is like silence. There is no silence in silence. Nothing is like EVERYTHING you want to be. There is no longer any attachment to being just Patrick. There is no attachment to simply creating a better life for yourself, and there is definitely no attachment to what is called enlightenment or spirituality. It was pretty much part of the game for Patrick to reinforce and embellish the old personality.
The beauty and the greatness of this is that you have actually received enlightenment. Ultimately it came to you. Ultimately, after all the ruthlessness and all the destruction of the old personality, you really got it.
You become everything in this nothing. You don't have to focus on Patrick anymore. You are not alone anymore. You are no longer just alive or just dead. You become everything. You are no longer a man or a woman.
The beauty of this "nothing" is that it frees you. Frees consciousness for true action. In other words, dear "former" Patrick, from now on, whatever you choose, whatever consciousness you choose, this role can be played. You see, before, in this very limited state of Patrick, it was not a role. This was his reality. You didn't see yourself playing a role. You saw yourself just living.
But when, at last, you allow your awareness, it is similar to the liberation of consciousness. And at this moment you can act, you can be whatever you want. You can be a magician, magician. You can be a dupe. You can be together at the same time.
You can be an embodied Master and you can be one who is not fully aware that there is something outside of his field of vision. And you can be both at the same time. You can be abundant and limited at the same time.
The beauty is that now you have freed yourself to act the way you want and be aware of it. You see, you weren't really conscious before. You didn't realize. Before, you were so isolated that you were not aware of anything other than Patrick's survival.
Now that you are free from it, you can do and be whatever you want. It is truly consciousness in action, awareness expressed as you please. This, my dear Patrick, is freedom.
Imagine for a moment that you are not locked in a single definition of yourself. Imagine for a moment that there is no longer this huge conflict with oneself, and instead of it the freedom of action and application of consciousness to anything.
Patrick took a deep breath and said, “So I am now enlightened, dear Master? Am I enlightened? "
The master took a deep breath, smiled and replied, "If you choose it."
... This concludes my story, another story from my future, world famous, popular book "Memoirs of a Master". And this is your story. Whether you take it literally or figuratively, this is your story. The story is about going through a great inner battle with yourself, when you say that you will do everything to awaken. In fact, you are just trying to awaken your "Patrick", your personality, your old personality.
The beauty of enlightenment is that it is natural. It cannot be controlled, not even by your Patrick. It’s impossible to control him - not even to that "Patrick" trying to make life a little better.
Your enlightenment is not here because you asked for it. Your enlightenment is not here because you prayed for it, or because you sincerely desire it. It is here because it is who you really are.
Cm. also
You cannot manipulate or control your enlightenment. But, my dear friends, it is ruthless. It is merciless in its compassion. It will free you from your limitations. It will grant you your freedom, no matter what it takes - how many agonizing nights, how many illnesses, how much suffering, bad relationships, or whatever. It is here in compassion.
... In fact, this return of awareness of your true nature, your true I Am, which is not at all "Patrick", which goes far beyond "Patrick", will happen in any case, sooner or later, with every person on Earth ...
Take a deep breath and relax in it. Let it be. You will realize that even the dark days and nights, you will realize that even this painful inner duality is here for a reason. Not as a lesson. Not to prove something to your "Patrick". They are here in the greatest compassion of enlightenment and realization. An implementation that can be said is already here. There is nothing new. It's all about allowing.
… You can go through your own version of Patrick's experience. Terrible. Terrible. Feeling like you're being torn apart, not knowing if you'll survive. Well, I'll tell you now - you will survive. I will say now that you can take a deep breath and be an observer. Stop trying to pretend it doesn't happen. Stop trying to disguise and hide it. It's here for a reason.
Stop thinking that you are doing something wrong. No. No, not really. Not at all. This is the cleansing, this is the liberation that has come to you.
It helps you realize that Patrick is not awakening. It is you.
… Let's take a deep breath and feel that if you just relax and allow, you will realize that everything is good in all of Creation.
Thank you my dear friends. I am Adamus in such humble service to you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Original English text on the official Crimson Circle website
Russian translation: SaLexx & SafIra
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When you first enter the world outside the mind, it really seems like madness: "dark night of the soul", crazy darkness of the soul. All religions have celebrated this. For the same reason, all religions insist that before entering the world outside the mind, you need to find a Teacher - he will be there, he will help and support. Your world will begin to fall apart, but the Teacher will encourage and restore hope. He will help you understand new things. That is why a Teacher is needed - he helps to understand what cannot be understood by the mind. It helps to express what cannot be expressed in words, to show the invisible. He is always there, he finds the means that will allow you to continue on your way, otherwise you can get scared and turn off the road.
But remember, there is nowhere to run. If you turn off the trail and rush into the thicket, you will be overwhelmed by a real obsession. The Sufis call these people masta, and in India they are known as the mad paramahans. You can't go back, because there is nothing there. It is also impossible to go forward, there is darkness all around. You are lost. That is why Buddha said: "Happy is he who has found a Teacher for himself."
I myself did not have a Teacher. I searched but could not find it. It's not that I didn't try - believe me, I searched for a very long time, but I never found it. Finding a Teacher is difficult. It is very difficult to find a creature that has ceased to exist. It is difficult to sense the presence of someone who is almost absent. Seekers rarely find someone who is simply a door to the Divine - an open door that is easy to pass through. It's very, very difficult.
The Sikhs call their temples gurudwara, "the doors of the Master." That is what the Master is - this is the door. Jesus often repeated: “I am the gate, I am the way, I am the truth. Follow me, come through me. If you do not pass through me, you will not achieve anything. "
Yes, sometimes it also happens that a person does not find the Teacher. If the Teacher is not there, one has to work without him, but such a journey is much more dangerous.
For a whole year I was in such a state that no one could have predicted how it would turn out. For a whole year I lived in such a way that it was with great difficulty that I kept myself alive. Even such simple things were given with great difficulty, because I completely lost my appetite. The days passed, and I did not want to eat at all. The days passed, and I even forgot to drink water. I forced myself to eat and drink. The body became so insensitive that I pinched myself to make sure I was still there. I banged my head against the wall, trying to figure out if I still have a head. Only pain could briefly return my body sensation.
In the mornings and evenings I ran. I ran five to eight miles in a row. Everyone thought I was crazy. Why run so much? Sixteen miles a day! But I did it only in order to feel myself, to feel that I still exist, so as not to lose connection with myself - I just waited for my eyes to get used to the new that was born in me.
I had to try very hard. I didn't speak to anyone: my thoughts became so inconsistent that it was incredibly difficult for me to even form a phrase. I could shut up in mid-sentence because I forgot what I was talking about. I could freeze in the middle of the road because I forgot where I was going. I could sit with a book, read fifty pages, and then suddenly ask myself: “What have I read about? I don’t remember anything. ” My condition was very strange ...
There is such a story. A patient rushes into the psychiatrist's office and yells: “Doctor, help! I'm going crazy! I forget everything! I don't remember what happened a year ago or even yesterday. I'm going crazy!"
"Hmm," said the psychiatrist, "and when did you first notice this?" "Did you notice what?" The patient asked, puzzled.
It was the same with me! It was difficult for me even to finish the phrase. I was locked up in my room. I was silent, did not utter a word, because to say something would mean confessing my madness. A whole year passed in this way. I just lay on the floor, gazed at the ceiling and counted first to one hundred, and then in reverse order, from one hundred to one. At least I still had something - for example, this ability to count in order. I forgot the rest. To come to my senses again, to find some starting point, it took me a whole year.
OSHO
R.M. Rilke
The shadow of death, suffering and torment of hell is felt especially sharply, and this comes from the feeling that you are forsaken by God ... and a terrible premonition arises in the soul that this will always be so ... The soul sees itself in the very center of the most diverse forms of evil, among the wretched imperfection, devastated, thirsty for understanding and thrown into darkness.
San Juan de la Cruz, Dark Night of the Soul
“When the transformation process reaches its climax, a decisive one, its last stage is often accompanied by intense suffering and inner darkness. Christian mystics called this state the“ Dark Night of the Soul. ”Outwardly, it resembles a disease that psychiatrists call depressive psychosis or melancholy. depression to the point of despair; a pronounced feeling of unworthiness; acute self-condemnation - completely hopeless and damned; a depressing feeling of paralysis of the mind, loss of willpower and self-control, resistance and inhibition in relation to any actions.Some of these symptoms may appear in a less pronounced form and on the previous stages, without reaching, however, the intensity of the "dark night of the soul"
The mystics of the last century saw in it the path to "pure vision": "Because the path of suffering is much safer than the path of joy." They viewed the bitterness of depression as a means to leave the world behind them and work their way towards radiant balance and harmony. This shock is like "the gates of great despair, the gates that open the way to a new being." Depression or "dark night" is both destruction and rebirth.
* I am convinced that a person who has not tasted the bitterness of despair has not yet learned the meaning of life *.
Seren Kierkegaard
Paradoxically, along with the delight of realizing our divine connection, intense feelings of depression, insanity, hopelessness, and loneliness can arise that can last for months or years in a row. All this happens when we go through this purification and our Ego begins to lose its influence on us.
The dark night is part of the spiritual path. It takes us into hitherto hidden areas of our nature and can throw many of our flaws to the surface. Then their presence can be realized and will allow us to cleanse our personality of them. All of this can be quite painful and leave a person in a state of emotional breakdown and helplessness. Living in everyday reality can usually be a very difficult and challenging task. Hopes and plans collapse, and this plunges into depression even more, but at the same time, a person gains freedom - yes, perhaps he is not given to be in that only future planned by him.
But if he finds the courage to look around, he will see that he has many more opportunities. And it is likely that the planned path is not the best path for his Soul. And it would be a good time for reflection and contemplation, but most often distorted depressive thinking, constantly driving in a circle thoughts of hopelessness, of one's own worthlessness, does not allow us to really assess the situation. Naturally, in order to start something new, strength is needed, and for this the depression must pass. You have to wait. Sometimes for a very long time ...
* For when I am weak, then I am strong. * The Apostle Paul
In this New Era, when the coming insights and the ability to communicate with the Spirit turn almost into an everyday occurrence, the Dark Night often manifests itself in the disappearance of these familiar phenomena.
When, in obedience to the high laws of the Spirit, the Great Teachers - sources of spiritual help - leave, they leave a fragrant trail, which very quickly gives way to a wall of impenetrable darkness. Is there anything that can replace such closeness and mutual love of the Spirit and for the Spirit? And very quickly the thought arises that it is so easy to reject only that which is not worthy of love. And the torment begins.
It seems that when this inevitable drama is played out, spiritually well-read and educated people and those who have sat for one or two lives at the teacher's feet react particularly sharply to this natural law by lashing out at others or hurting themselves. Those who consider themselves the most innocent and purest in their thoughts and deeds endure the Night differently. These voluntary exiles, in endless torment, are forced to see a constant line of not the most worthy people who receive a reward for every little thing. To them, who, in their own opinion, deserves the love of God and happiness more than others, it seems as if they are in the last place - forgotten, bypassed and abandoned.
Having lost the gift of speech from such a turn of affairs and unable to control themselves, they begin to think badly and talk about generosity in relation to others and their well-being. Suppressed by their own bad luck, they see bad signs and face trouble almost every day. It seems that the more good deeds they do, the more they plunge into darkness, from which they see no way out.
Although this path is difficult and does not inspire confidence, the Dark Night still has its soul value. During the Dark Night, the soul purifies itself, realizing its own shortcomings. While the path is wide, one can imitate the initiate, but when it ultimately narrows, only the truly aspirants will be able to endure everything to the end.
* Accept this suffering, for you will learn from it. * Ovid.
Some of the mystics believed that it would be better for a person's soul if he himself did not interfere in the process of getting out of depression: “A person in a dark night knows that only the Lord can heal his illness. And that is why it is not permissible for him to disperse the darkness with artificial lights himself; he must wait until the sun of the Lord's love rises. Otherwise, the calamity of the "night" would not make sense. "
* Being in the light, you cannot see anything in the dark. Staying in the dark, you will see everything that is in the light. * Kuan Yin Tzu
As the distance between the small “I” and the soul increases, so does the distance between Light and Darkness, turning the blessings of life into nothing more than abstractions and distractions that fall as a heavy burden on the shoulders, which have suddenly become fragile and unreliable.
And if you are now depressed, your actions, thoughts, attitude are not the same as usual, not the same as those of the people around you. And this is even more suppressive, forcing you to dive even deeper. But look around, look at the people around you. Many of the opportunities to be human, many of them replace with the only opportunity - to be normal, to be "like everyone else." This often succeeds, and every year the voice of the true self is quieter, the uniqueness is suppressed more and more, this is a completely normal depression, depression of self-suppression, when a person commits violence against himself with only one purpose - to be normal. Remember - Depression (from the word depress - to suppress). Wherever we submit to the will of circumstances, instead of building our own life ourselves, where we do something according to a template, for the sake of making money, where, for the sake of purely manipulative demand, we stop perceiving our own needs - we live in a completely normal depression.
If a dark night has entered your life, don't give up! All life is just a chain of events and crises that require us to make certain decisions. With the right way out of the crisis, we move to a new stage of development; when we try to simply brush it off, we mark time or even roll back. Depression is probably one of the most severe crises that a person experiences in a lifetime. And if, despite all the precautions, you find yourself in this state, try to use this situation to your advantage. When the madness ends, when it finally lets go and signs the act of surrender, there comes acceptance and trust that God is a part of you. The ego will have much less influence on your life, and the light will illuminate new goals and adventures in the spiritual life. Your path will be illuminated by the influence of divinely synchronous events, and your real mission in this life will unfold before you, putting everything in its place, as if by magic.
* Do not be afraid of suffering. You have a strong soul, and therefore you suffer more than others and try to avoid it in every possible way. But suffering leads to heights and the whole world becomes better thanks to it. * Ivan Efremov
The shadow of death, suffering and torment of hell is felt especially sharply, and this comes from the feeling that you are forsaken by God ... and a terrible premonition arises in the soul that it will always be this way ...
The soul sees itself in the very center of the most diverse forms of evil, in the midst of pitiful imperfection, devastated, thirsting for understanding and thrown into darkness.
San Juan de la Cruz, Dark Night of the Soul
The following pages will describe some of the most common critical and challenging types of experiences that surface from the complex and confusing inner world of an individual during the transformation process, and which we are familiar with both from our own experience and from other people's reports. We hope that we will not discourage the reader by starting to sort out these difficult experiences now. The dark night of the soul is only one aspect of the spiritual journey, and there are many others that are much more enjoyable.
The purpose of our research on this topic is, first, to express an unusual sequence of states during the transformation process. While there are many exceptions, most people in spiritual crisis still have to plunge into dark areas and go through them before they reach a state of freedom, light, and peace. For those who take this path, the positive feelings are often seen later as more meaningful and intense in contrast to the difficult experiences they had to deal with earlier. Just as the sunrise is perceived as particularly bright and hopeful after a long winter night, so joy seems especially strong after pain.
With this in mind, the next question can be asked: what are the dark areas that a person may have to pass through? What do they look like? And what kind of conflicts can arise there?
For some people in spiritual crisis - both in its dramatic and milder forms - the task of living another day, the task of retaining the ability to act in the usual way, can be a serious challenge. Normal, seemingly simple activities that are part of daily life can suddenly become difficult or depressed. Often, individuals in crisis are filled with inner experiences that are so saturated with emotions, power and energetic force that it is difficult to separate vivid and vivid images of the inner world from the events of the outer reality. In such situations, it is often difficult to maintain concentration, and this can be very difficult for people in crisis. Rapid, frequent changes in states of consciousness can also cause panic. Unable to function in their usual way, people in such a situation feel powerless, ineffective and guilty.
One woman described her problems as follows:
“I could see and understand that there were things to do around the house, but I had the feeling that there was a kind of wall between me and these things that I used to do without any effort. I remembered that I needed to go out to do some gardening work and knew that this activity could be beneficial. However, I had the feeling that if I got this far, I might explode. All those artistic and creative projects that made me so happy before were now too difficult to focus on. And even playing with my children seemed too difficult for me. The only thing I could do at this time is to take care of myself somehow. "
Among the most difficult and disturbing conditions that a person experiencing a spiritual crisis usually has to deal with, one can name a feeling of fear, a sense of their own madness, and anxiety about death. While these conditions are often unavoidable, necessary and central to the healing process, they can become frightening and predominant, especially when there is no support from others.
From the opening gates of the unconscious, a wide variety of repressed emotions and memories burst onto the surface. When a person is faced with specific memories or experiences from personal or transpersonal, transpersonal, areas, he may have experiences associated with fear, loneliness, madness and death. The person may have recollections of past severe illnesses, life-threatening cases, or other disturbing events from infancy and childhood. Biological birth can also be re-experienced with all its complex, chaotic and dynamic manifestations.
Many memories contain an element of fear. People whose parents have experienced alcohol dependence can experience the horror that their drunk mother experienced when she was abused. In others, the fear that a person experienced when falling from a tree or when he had whooping cough as a child may come to life.
An individual may suddenly feel a purely childish feeling of loneliness that has nothing to do with his current situation. These irrational feelings can be associated with childhood experiences such as abandonment by parents or lack of connection with the mother at the time of birth. Feelings like this can be triggered by isolation from peers at school or painful experiences during divorce. Often, when a memory of life-threatening events occurs, some individuals may experience feelings of insanity. They may suddenly recall a sequence of events from their personal history, such as a near-fatal car accident or drowning incident while sailing, or some extreme physical or sexual abuse. When people remember such incidents, their feelings are so strong that they begin to believe that the connection with reality is being lost.
Such situations can lead a person to the experience of death. In addition, experiences related to death may be related to the circumstances of birth. A person always experiences some form of essential contact with death, when memories of his birth come to life in him, with an accompanying feeling of suffocation and a threat to life. If, during prenatal existence, the individual was threatened with abortion or miscarriage, then he or she may experience a very convincing crisis of fetal survival, which is vividly remembered again after a long time.
A person may also experience experiences of fear, Loneliness, insanity, or death during transpersonal states arising from the collective unconscious or even from areas of a universal scale.
Transpersonal areas contain both light and dark elements; fear can be caused by both, "positive" and "negative". Someone can fight a monstrous mythological demon or relive a battle from another era - a feeling of anxiety and fear in such situations is inevitable. The fact that fear sometimes occurs when an individual moves in the realm of light and beauty can be puzzling. In the next chapter, we will discuss the challenge posed by "positive" realities.
An individual may experience a sense of loneliness during a realistic identification with a soldier separated from a beloved in war, or with an African mother who is experiencing the loss of her child who died of hunger. One woman experienced a real madness during our seminars when, during a session of deep empirical work, she felt crazy in a medieval asylum for the mentally ill. An hour later, when her experiences were over, she returned to her normal rational state.
Facing death on the transpersonal level can take many forms. Experiences reminiscent of past life memories can vividly revive the feelings of a killed soldier, slave, martyr, or mother experiencing the loss of children during the war. A person can experience a collision with death in mythological worlds sometimes through his identification with the figure of Christ crucified on the cross or with Osiris being dismembered into parts.
The individual can identify with the common human experience of dying, becoming every woman who dies during childbirth and all men who have been killed in battle throughout human history. Someone can experience their identification with the most archetypal figure of Death, feeling the enormity of this universal force. The following striking example is taken from the memories of a woman whose spiritual crisis included many realistic experiences of death:
“I saw how everything around me swirled in a whirlwind of death: gravestones, crosses, laughing skulls and crossed bones. I saw many bloody battles, concentration camps, hospital wards - everywhere there were scenes of death. It seemed to me that at the same time I was observing and taking part in all deaths at the same time. Then my experience suddenly changed, and I felt as if I, whoever I was, was responsible for it all; I became Death itself in its traditional gloomy form with a scythe, reaping human lives; an apocalyptic rider on a pale horse - and it was all myself, calling all people to leave life. "
It is easy to make a mistake and associate emotions and sensations caused by the sudden manifestation of repressed memories with the life situation that exists in a person at the moment. For example, someone who has relived the threat of death that loomed over him at the time of his birth may develop a deep preoccupation with death or unusually violent reactions to films or television programs showing death scenes. He may feel a constant threat from potential danger in the world around him and may often worry about physical safety. Without realizing it, he may panic in confined spaces, get scared in an elevator or when crowded on the subway.
Some may develop thanatophobia - an excessive fear of death, against the background of which a person becomes obsessed with the belief that he is in danger of a heart attack. When the experience of birth is fully realized with all its wide range of emotions and physical sensations, a person comes to the realization that this is the source of his fears, and these fears dissipate.
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FACE TO FACE WITH FEAR
Fear is a natural part of a diverse mosaic of changing states of consciousness.
Some forms of fear usually accompany a spiritual crisis - both in a mild form associated with the upcoming participation in everyday events, and in the form of a huge, flooding horror, which, it would seem, is not associated with any real aspects of this person's life. Sometimes anxiety and anxiety can be associated with the situation in which a person is: when not only many of his beliefs are destroyed, but the person himself in such a situation becomes extremely emotional. General weakness is felt in the body, new physical stress and disturbing pains appear. Most of the fears seem completely inexplicable and unreasonable, although, of course, in essence, these fears cannot cause any real harm to the person who is experiencing them. Sometimes an individual involved in a crisis copes with fears relatively easily, but there are times when the feeling of fear seems to have expanded so much that it turns into completely uncontrollable panic.
Most people have many forms of fear in their lives, from the most gross and obvious, such as fear of physical injury or death, to more subtle manifestations, such as anxiety when you need to ask a stranger something. Despite their fears, most people are able to function reasonably well in everyday life without being completely taken over by these fears. During many spiritual crises, everyday fears intensify and exacerbate, often becoming unmanageable. They can take the form of spontaneous general anxiety or crystallize into separate, more common fears.
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
To a certain extent, it is common to many people. When life begins to take us in unfamiliar directions, we often respond by becoming preoccupied and resisting.
Some people throw themselves into the unknown with relative fearlessness and enviable courage. But many others, when they have to move in the direction of unexplored areas, do it against their will or, at best, very carefully.
For those who are in a spiritual crisis, the fear of the unknown can increase to enormous proportions. Their inner states often replace each other so quickly that they become filled with fear of not knowing what state will be next. Such people are constantly immersed in immeasurable inner spaces, in new forms of awareness, in undiscovered possibilities. Thus, a woman with a completely materialistic attitude may have spontaneous out-of-body states, and she may imagine that she is more than just the physical body with which she usually identifies. Or the person may suddenly experience a sequence of emotional and physical states that appear to come from some other place and another time. This experience can lead a person to think about reincarnation - an idea that was previously completely alien to him.
Sudden events of this type can be quite frightening for those people who are not ready for them. They may develop a sense of uncertainty about where they are going and how to react to everything that happens; such rapid and dramatic changes can raise fears that they are losing control of their lives. These changes may be too long for the old, familiar, and safer way of being, the calmer and less demanding existence, even if not quite happy, that they had before.
FEAR OF LOSS OF CONTROL.
A person who has spent many years working hard for the well-being of a successful family life can imagine their future as something quite clear and feel significant in the daily pressures that fill their existence. When his wife suddenly develops a fatal illness, his life suddenly takes a completely different direction than the one he planned. His dreams are shattered, and the emotional stress caused by this event can be the beginning of the transformation process. With difficulty, painfully, this person realizes that he has no power over the forces of life and death and that he is influenced by something outside of his control.
Many people spend years feeling that their familiar world is well organized and that they have complete control over their lives. When they discover that they are not completely in control of the trajectory of their being, they can experience a sense of extreme freedom. But there are times when people get scared by this, especially if they fully identify with their busy lifestyle. They will ask themselves, “If I am not in control of my life, then who is it? And is he, she, or it - the one that rules my life - quite trustworthy? Can I give myself to some unknown power and know that this power will take care of me? "
Faced with the fear of losing control, the mind and ego become very sophisticated in their efforts to cling to something; people in such situations can create complex systems of refutation, convincing themselves that the lifestyle they lead is completely wonderful and that there is no need for any changes, or that the changes they feel are simply illusory ... These people may attempt to intellectually interpret the states of mind they are experiencing, creating sophisticated theories to explain them. Or they may simply try to avoid these conditions altogether. Sometimes the very feeling of anxiety becomes a defense: when a person clings to their feelings of fear, this can quite successfully prevent him from growing too quickly.
There is another form of loss of control, which is far less gradual and more dramatic. In a spiritual crisis, a person may feel overwhelmed by powerful episodes of experience during which he completely loses control over his behavior. In such situations, the individual may explode with anger, burst into tears, tremble violently or shriek in ways that have never been done before. This unhindered release of emotions can be extremely liberating, but before it happens, a person may experience extremely intense fear and resistance to the power of their feelings. After such an explosion, the individual feels frightened and ashamed that he allowed his expression to manifest with such force.
OTHER KINDS OF FEAR.
In some forms of spiritual crises, physical sensations or reactions are sometimes interpreted as fear. People can feel strange bursts of energy within themselves, sometimes of extreme strength. They feel in themselves pulsating electrical charges, uncontrollable tremors in the body or the presence of some unknown force flowing through their nervous system. Their pulse quickens and their body temperature rises.
What happens when you do this? Such manifestations often become a natural physiological accompaniment of abrupt changes in consciousness; these sensations can also be specific characteristics of some forms of spiritual crisis, such as the awakening of the Kundalini.
People who are not ready for such phenomena or not familiar with them can be very intimidated when such manifestations become a part of their daily life. Since they have certain criteria for the normality of bodily sensations, they usually experience anxiety during attacks of such strange new sensations and can easily mistake these sensations for manifestations of fear itself. One woman, immersed in intense meditation practice, recalled her experiences:
“I went to my spiritual master and told him about the strange feeling of anxiety that has now become a part of my life. I especially felt it at night or when I tried to meditate: my heart began to beat faster, my body trembled, and I felt that I was covered with sweat from fear. When my teacher heard about this, he laughed and said that these are just manifestations of Kundalini Shakti. He said, “Remember that when you experience these things. It’s not fear that attacks you, it’s God moving through you. ” Then I thought about his words many times, and it finally gave me a lot of support. "
A person can also face the fear of insanity, the fear of death and the fear of universal destruction.
We'll look at this in more detail later.
Stanislav Grof
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Anything happens to those who strive for ultimate states. Either they are lifted above the heavens, then they descend into dark abysses - not literally, of course, in the sense, but in a very real sense in terms of sensations. No one knows for sure what happens in hell, if it really exists, but many feel that they have fallen into hell during their lifetime, since the degree of their inner suffering is fully consistent with what it should be for sinners in hell. And no one can measure the degree of a person's inner bliss, as well as the degree of his suffering, because he himself becomes the only measure of this. Whether he is the creator of his bliss or a guide is not essential in the sense of the reality of what happens to him, because the state here is often more important than the cause that caused it. Knowing the cause of depression does not help in getting rid of it, knowing the reasons for desire does not deprive him of his power; it makes no sense to explain many states, because the explanation, in fact, does not change anything in the current situation. You still have to live them and learn how to get rid of them, and then delve into the reasons for their occurrence.
Cognition of the Truth, nevertheless, is the knowledge of the causes, but the practical meaning of finding out what provoked this or that state of yours is to understand how you can repeat them or avoid them in the future. At the same time, many states arise on the Path that do not have sane explanations from the point of view of their occurrence, at least - sane enough to learn to cause them of our own free will or never return to them again. Such, for example, are all transcendental experiences. They come spontaneously, their content is always different, and if you move along the Path, over time they almost stop. Only the conditions for their occurrence are known, of which there are two: for their appearance, solitude (even if for a short time) and an unoccupied mind are required. Moreover, the state of mind is more important than solitude, because in moments of calmness you become open to influence from Above.
The eternal question of managing your states and control over them is not combined with progress on the Path. Any attachment becomes an obstacle or a trap, and sometimes very pleasant. For example, it is not so difficult to learn how to enter a relaxing or other trance that will give you a lot of pleasant sensations that are clearly different from your usual state. At the same time, you will be able to recreate the conditions for entering it, even if for this you have to attend some trainings or meetings. You can enter into altered states through appropriate practices, and then you become a relative master of the situation, although, in fact, you strive to lose your usual control and, in general, the usual sense of the mind. Anyone who wants to repeat the same experiences, whether they are trance altered states or true transcendental ones, fall into the trap of attachment to them and get stuck. Or maybe they are not looking for anything else.
All internal states are states of the energies of our bodies. The energies in the physical body change (for example, when using alcohol or drugs), and the state of mind also changes. You pump the body with oxygen during breathing practices, the situation in the mind also changes. Or vice versa - your mind is clouded by frustration, and the body follows it, filling with heaviness and becoming lethargic. Or the mind is relaxed and calm, then the body relaxes, gaining a state of comfort. Most of the altered states arise after additional energy is received from the outside - it does not matter whether it enters through the physical, etheric body or is directly introduced into the mind. The energies produced by our bodies cause obscurations mind, which are also altered states, but familiar to us and not so pronounced. Anger, fear, sadness; jealousy, envy, lust and so on - they, being expressed in a weak degree, simply darken the mind, imposing filters on its perception of reality. If anger or the energy of sexual desire becomes very strong (that is, a lot of their specific energy is released), then a state close to a changed one occurs, when all our sensations go beyond the usual.
On the Path, a person seeks contact with the energies of the Divine. Neither transformation nor serious spiritual growth is possible without their participation. We are trying to return to the Source, to those energies that are almost not manifested in our world, to the First Cause of Existence. This is the true meaning of the whole mystical journey. In addition, we, in principle, move away from all states that were known to us before; we seek union with the One Who is the source of all states in general. In union with God, we find the energy of Creation and Dissolution, which changes us once and for all.
Moving along the Path is constant changes, with periodic stops, which are needed in order for the changes to take hold, so that new energies and new states become habitual. Without anchoring changes, without mastering and cognizing new states (with all their new possibilities and situations), one cannot move on, for further growth requires stabilization of internal energies and the achievement of balance, without which one can damage or destroy the physical and other bodies. The sites contribute to the ripening of energies and the preparation of bodies for new transitions and transformations. And the slower this ripening, the longer a person is in the parking lot or at a certain stage of the Path.
The path cannot be traversed without the presence in a person of a clearly expressed need for other conditions... You can, of course, say that most people feel this need - but here everything is not so simple. People often look for new states, but at its root it is a search for pleasures, and not real changes in their inner situation. Their need lies in a different plane, and in its content it is also different. On the Path are people who clearly realized the possibility of gaining a different being and going beyond human... They come to the Path from different motives, but those who have a higher need remain on it; in what ordinary human existence does not give. A clearly expressed need for the highest is the key to success in interaction with God.
The path begins from an internal necessity, and continues from an external one. Such, for example, is the Will of the Creator, individually manifested to man. She moves him, and he lives by her. The further the transformation of a person goes, the less need remains for him to continue his existence in a mortal body. Therefore, necessity is given from above, and therefore the Sufi Path necessarily includes a stage of service in the form of following the directly manifested Will of the Lord. And of course, it does not always require a Sufi to educate people, because there are other directions of the Work. However, teaching people provides an additional need to enable the mystic to keep in touch with the earthly plane of Being, but this is not the only possible choice.
Internal necessity (which is also a state) inevitably changes as the Path progresses. Starting with the desire to get rid of suffering, a person comes to the understanding that there is something more than pleasure and happiness, which he unconsciously strove for, opposing them to suffering. His vision becomes broader, not limited only by pain and fear of its repetition. The content of inner necessity in the highest can change several times, and sometimes it disappears altogether - for a time or forever. Then a person leaves the Path and never returns to it.
The reduction of the need almost always occurs during the transformation - that is, after receiving the next impulse of God's Grace, which alone truly transforms us. It is due to changes in the energies of a person and, as a consequence, a change in the state of his mind, in which the need is formulated in words. The transformation process turns off the current necessity, creating in the mind the feeling of a hole in the place where there was a well-formulated and more or less clearly understood goal before. It is the mind that suffers at these moments, it is he who asks the question: “What happened?”, Because the previous motivation of a person at this moment is completely lost. And the mind is trying to make a decision, because it hates uncertainty. If this happens for the first time, then the seeker begins to suffer, feeling abandoned, deceived and abandoned. Then he can get stuck in this stage, not really noticing the changes that are taking place in him and which - if you do not allow the mind to arrange tragic solo performances from scratch - open the way to new opportunities and the emergence of a new, slightly corrected, necessity.
What is now being written about the "dark night of the soul" usually demonstrates the complete lack of personal experience of transformation among the authors of such texts. On the Path, if not “nights”, then “twilight” occur not so rarely, in which the seeker feels the loss of the goal and the feeling of the Divine Presence. Of course, under a dark night, souls usually mean some kind of final, final transformation, but this is also a myth, because the process of Unity with God carries more and more new changes, they just no longer feel fatal. The path, as you know, continues throughout life, and new, previously unknown states come again and again, because the Truth is infinite. What can be called the dark night of the soul (the term is, of course, beautiful, but still outdated) is simply the most powerful transformation, and the dawn that comes later is its direct consequence. But without the relevant experience, it is very difficult to understand what is actually going on. All that remains is to moan and complain.
As you know, there is a Path of awareness and a Path of prayer. Or, as they are also called, the Path of Meditation and the Path of Love. This division is to some extent arbitrary, but nevertheless it exists. The dark night of the soul was described by Christian mystics who moved along the Path of love. And where the practice is based on prayer, the disappearance of necessity is experienced much more painfully, and the disappearance of the feeling of connection with the Creator is regarded as a terrible fall, as a fall into Darkness. Therefore, of course, they write about the dark night of the soul passionately and with great feeling. After all, it is very difficult to pray in such a state, if not to say - completely impossible. And here on the Path of love an additional moment arises, which is not so strongly expressed on the Path of awareness: in the suffering that arises during transformation, in this impossibility to live and pray as before, there is a need for such a force that it allows in one fell swoop to bridge the gap between the human and Divine. And so the transformation that has begun, which has given rise to a new necessity, sometimes receives an additional impulse of Grace, after which it reaches a much greater depth.
I was moving along the Path of awareness (at least at first), and my state, which can be called the dark night of the soul, happened in the seventh year of practice, in 1999. At one fine moment, everything seemed to have disappeared - I lost interest in reading spiritual books, lost vision and mystical perception, which by that time was relatively well developed, and I seemed to find myself in a vacuum that absorbed and scattered everything that I did. lived in recent years. This change was strange and frightening, because for several years I was making progress, and pretty well, and then all my achievements, and the Path itself, evaporated like morning dew. My situation could be compared to climbing a high mountain, where you climb a little higher every day, constantly make efforts and put your whole life on the line. And one day, waking up in the morning, you suddenly find yourself standing on the plain again, and there is no mountain, like your achievements in conquering it, there is not a trace. And what you are already dedicated his life, now it just ceased to exist.
To say that I felt dissatisfied is to say nothing. I was confused, dumbfounded and did not know at all what I should live with now. I tried to return to the path of everyday existence - in which there is no God, there is no effort to overcome my unconsciousness and there is no other horizons, but nothing worked for me, because all this was not interesting to me and made me bored. But I also could not do anything in the sphere of my spiritual development, because my previous goals and attempts had lost their former value. I just could not do nothing, no matter how hard I tried. And then he gave up trying. At the same time, I still, out of habit, continued to be aware of myself, but without much zeal. The level of awareness that I had reached by that time did not go anywhere. It's just that my whole old life began to look like a bad dream, that's all. I was stuck between this world and this, discouraged and discouraged.
This state lasted for over a year and ended as suddenly as it began. Aspiration and motivation returned, interest in the Path and Truth flared up in me with renewed vigor, but the goal (in the form of enlightenment) remained in the past. I stopped worrying about whether I would achieve or not, and if I did, then how soon. I completely relaxed in this sense. And that's what is characteristic - starting to move again, I did not perceive the changes in my state as something new, something other... It seemed to me that I continued from almost the same place where I left off, but I was delusional. This happens to everyone who does not know the essence of his fall, does not understand what happened to him, and therefore does not see the connection between the dark night of the soul and the transformation that followed.
My inner work continued, but completely different things began to happen in it. Two years after my return to her, my Heart opened, and two years later, I entered the stage of following the Will of God.
Knowing the causes of your conditions does not make it much easier to stay in them. As far as the dark night of the soul is concerned, knowing the reason for its occurrence can help to be patient and wait for the dawn. At least for those of my students who enter the "twilight" after receiving small impulses of Grace, this knowledge helps to hold on without making sudden movements and not succumbing to the panic of the mind, which wants to reset the situation by making some "final" decision ... So knowing the reasons still helps - even if not to change immediately, but at least to experience and see what has already changed and what else needs to be changed.
