The alarm clock rings - it's time to get up. I have pictures in my head of what needs to be done today. As usual: get up, go to the bathroom, have breakfast, get dressed and start living a new day. With all the problems, noise and responsibilities. And from all this I want to close my eyes and again fall into a dream - a wonderful haven of tranquility. Because there is nothing interesting in the coming day. However, as in the previous one. And the body simply does not find the energy in itself for action: the alarm clock rings and rings, and we delay the moment of recovery. Until the last possible minute, and even further, when it is already unacceptable to be late. And then - you can generally give up on everything in the world and stay in bed for the whole day: I don’t want anything, I’m not interested in anything, why do you need to live at all, who invented it? And it seems that there is only one problem: sooner or later, you still have to get up and go where you need to, but you don’t want to. But in fact, this is just the tip of the iceberg, the "subconscious" part of which we are not even aware of.
Why sometimes (quite often) there is a feeling that there is nothing interesting in life?
How do you deal with the feeling of not having even the slightest bit of interest in life? How to find the strength to live all the same?
What to do so that life is full of joy, and not a state when you don’t want anything and nothing is interesting?
Not all people experience periods of "no-want-nothing-not-interesting" in their lives, but those who know about them firsthand usually say that they accompany them all their lives. And at school, and at the institute, and at work, and in retirement. Nothing changes. Some say so directly: I have a state, as if there is cotton wool inside - I don’t want to do anything, and everything that I do, I do mechanically, as if on an automatic machine.
Other people tend to define this state as laziness. Those who have never experienced anything like this are especially categorical in such a judgment: as if wound up, they cheerfully rush towards their goal - they study, go to work, get married, get carried away and have fun, and all this is interesting to them. They scold those who do not want not only to live, but even to breathe, and give recommendations on how to overcome such negative states, usually making diagnoses and labeling them.
But what is there to say about others, if we ourselves, sufferers of the "want-nothing" syndrome, are looking for the causes of such states in our negative character traits. We scold ourselves as lazy, apathetic, depressive. We think that we should finally change jobs for a more beloved one, or that we need to complete things that have been postponed for months (or even years) already. All this, of course, does not add optimism. Moreover, drowning in all this, we cannot find a solution to the problem. Because we don’t even think that an unloved job, laziness, depression, etc. - it is only a consequence, not a cause.
Do not want to livebecause nothing is interesting! What to do?
In fact, the feeling of lack of "something you don't understand what" has absolutely exact reasons. When we don't have any particular lack, for example, we would like a better job, family, children, love, money, etc. When everything seems to be fine, but you don’t want anything, then the root of the problem should not be sought in general attitudes or stereotypes about laziness, but, perhaps, in the features of the sound vector. Suddenly, it's all about the sound?
Modern sound engineers are very susceptible to just such a state: they don’t want to do anything, there is no goal in life, there is no interest in anything. The reason for this is the special desires that lie deep in the subconscious of the sound engineer. Life is often felt by them as meaningless, which means one in which there is nothing interesting. This feeling arises for the reason that the sounder has a wish that other people don't have. It is the desire for meaning. Behind each action, behind each of his words and deeds, there must be an answer "why is this?". And when there is no such answer - trouble.
"I have to go to work. Why? Well, to earn money. Why? Well, to afford all the benefits of life. What's the point? Who needs it if I die anyway?"
A soundman is no different from other people on earth in that he is lazy. The rest simply do not have this additional desire to comprehend. They just go to work, just have kids, just go about their daily business and enjoy life. It never occurs to them to ask the question: Why is all this necessary at all? Of course, they have other problems in life: for example, envy, resentment, anger, slander, etc. But all this is surmountable - therefore they quarrel, reconcile, fight, love each other and so on in a circle, for centuries and millennia. A sound engineer can't do that. He sits under the dome of his depression - his lack in the form of the question "why?", but not seeing the answer to it, he feels life is meaningless.
In fact, meanings are behind everything, behind our every action. But where to look? The sound engineer is looking for, is fond of, but is just as quickly disappointed. It seems that there is nothing interesting in the world, that everything is primitive, it is not necessary. Further more - when there is no meaning to life, a person feels all this life as a continuous burden. That is, it is necessary to constantly overcome oneself, to find efforts in oneself for an action that does not bring pleasure.
It is not surprising that against this background, the sound engineer from time to time, and then often, suicidal thoughts may come to mind - since there is no meaning to life, then why not end it ahead of time? More and more I want to get rid of the hated body, which only hurts - all the time it demands to go to the toilet, then it feels hungry, then it gets sick.
When a sound engineer does not have answers to his questions, he not only cannot do anything, does not freeze in a state where he wants nothing and is not interested in anything - he generally loses the opportunity to live.
Or maybe otherwise!
If the sound engineer finds meanings, that is, he comprehends his life, the life of other people, begins to realize WHY all this, where it came from and where it is going, then his sense of life changes dramatically. There is no more cheerful and optimistic person than a sound engineer filled with meanings.
And here comes the vital energy, the desire to communicate with people, unravel their essence, find all these meanings and go further and further, in order, in the end, to comprehend not the life and actions of one person or group of people, but to understand the meaning of the life of all mankind , the foundations of the universe, the reasons for the creation of the universe. A person who thinks about all this will never get the feeling that he is not interested in anything in life, that he is tired of everything, that he wants to die. He will never say "leave me alone!" and "I'm tired", on the contrary - every minute of his life is felt by him as a gift.
There is a way out - it is also an entrance: this is the knowledge of the unconscious!
Today, every sound person already has the opportunity to fill himself with what he lacks - meanings. It is enough to study the latest research on
Probably, it happened to everyone: you wake up one morning with the feeling that everything is tired, life is a continuous routine and nothing interesting will happen today. And tomorrow too. And the day after tomorrow. Why do we lose interest in life and daily activities? And how to return the drive and passion?
Let's make a reservation right away: we are not now considering the situation of a depressive episode. It can be suspected if you have not only lost interest in life, but cry more often, feel that movement or speech is inhibited, you are ashamed of your condition, you are constantly irritated, your weight or relationship with food has changed (increased or decreased appetite), or the sleep pattern has changed (insomnia, difficulty falling asleep or, conversely, increased drowsiness). In this case, be sure to go to a psychotherapist. It will not hurt to be checked up at the neurologist and the endocrinologist too.
But what if you are healthy and generally feel fine - just life has become somehow insipid? With what it can be connected? And will life never be fun again? Let's reassure right away: no, this is not forever, and such crises are generally a normal phenomenon. We figure out how it turned out that interest and drive have disappeared from your life somewhere, and what to do with it.
"What if it's old age?"
People at twenty-four or twenty-five often remember how fun it was, say, at seventeen. And thirty-thirty-five-year-olds say that at twenty they had much more interests and strength, and so on. In general, even very young people have a craving to compare their younger self with the current one. Usually this does not happen in favor of the “current”: “Do you remember how we could fall into each other's rooms at twenty without an invitation? And now…"; “Do you remember how we slept for three hours before couples, because we walked all night after the concert?” Such comparisons are disheartening: farewell to former freedom, and welcome to dreary adulthood.
At the same time, we often do not notice that the comparison is based on one criterion, such as how active we are or how diverse our interests are. Other circumstances, such as the need to get up every day on an alarm clock and spend eight to ten hours at work, mortgages, children, financial and family or partnership obligations, do not count. Although if you like your work, partner or children, they are also your interest in a sense - that in which you invest your energy, time and attention. So it's not that people necessarily become less interested as they age - rather, they become more stable.
And, of course, no age is an obstacle to discovering new things and getting involved in something. Indeed, having entered adulthood, we lose the opportunity (and often the desire) to be maximalists: you can no longer give up food, sleep and all everyday obligations if you are carried away by creating websites or historical reconstruction - if only because you need to live somewhere and there is something. In addition, in youth, hobbies and interests form as if by themselves: a friend began to go to karate and calls to join, a theater studio appeared at the institute - I’ll go and try my hand.
After twenty-five to thirty years, for many people this flow dries up: the environment in which we find ourselves is increasingly focused on earnings, career or family. And then you have to master a new skill - the ability in an adult, already quite busy life, to specially build space for new interests. This requires a moral "permission" to myself: I can be frivolous or frivolous, not think about business around the clock. I can make special time for fun, hobbies or just walking in the woods and not feel guilty or guilty about it - and make it a part of everyday life.
"Wait a little more..."
Sometimes the lack of interest in life says that we are marking time on the “passed” level, losing interest in what is happening around. And it seems that there are even ideas and desires that I would like to realize, but I can’t get started on them. It’s always scary to take on something new, and especially when it’s something fundamentally new. For example, I want to open my own business, but I don’t even understand where to start from. I've never lived with anyone, but my partner is offering to move in and I think I want to try. I really want a child, but I don’t know how this will change my life (and I’m not sure that I will like these changes). I want to move to another country, I want to change my profession, I want a house by the sea, and so on.
The scale of our desires sometimes scares us. And then it's easier to lie to yourself something soothing in order to put them in a long, long box. Allegedly, you need to prepare for another three to five years, earn some more money at an old and unloved job, live a little more apart and take a closer look, go through one more check-up before planning a pregnancy, and still go to the dentist ...
Preparing for big projects is important, but it has to end at some point. And you need to understand that you will not feel absolutely ready or ready - it is simply impossible. At some point, it's time to just take action. And if fear and excuses outweigh more than the first month or even the first year, it may be worth discussing this with a psychologist.
"I want to be more confident"
By goals, people most often understand specific achievements. And they are fond of chasing after them: passed the project - take two more, earned money for an apartment - now earn money for another, even more. But goals can also be intangible things, and even states. For example, if I have never felt good and confident in life, but would like to, this is also a goal. Or if I have a good job, but lack human warmth. To add to life something that is sorely lacking, or, conversely, to remove something superfluous (an unfriendly and unsupportive environment, a feeling of constant time pressure, a feeling of inferiority and insufficiency) are also goals, and quite large-scale ones.
True, to solve this problem in the same way that material achievements are obtained, most likely will not work. There is not enough purely rational. Rather, it will require self-care, a willingness to explore and understand yourself, and constant attention to your feelings. Having established contact with their own emotions, a person gradually begins to figure out what makes him happy and arouses enthusiasm, and what is quite the opposite (because of which we lose interest). Sometimes it takes more than one year. An appeal to a psychologist and practices aimed at establishing contact with feelings and bodily sensations can help: a diary, written exercises, meditation.
"I don't want to work"
Ignoring feelings in general often leads to the fact that we lose interest in life. Curiosity, the desire to do something require that we feel good: it is very difficult to be easy-going when a huge lump of anger, resentment, disappointment and fear sticks together inside. Curiosity arises when basic needs are satisfied, when we do not experience stress due to lack of money, strength, due to attacks from loved ones or colleagues, due to conflicts. In conditions when we cannot satisfy basic needs, it is much more difficult to be interested in something - you want to hide under the covers.
So the loss of interest in what is happening, for example, the reluctance to go to work (study) or return home from there, the reluctance to get into some communities of people or places, may be due to the fact that we do not feel safe in these places and with these people . This is an occasion for reflection, and perhaps for working with a specialist - a psychologist or a coach. The ability to create a comfortable space for life, to distinguish between safe and unsafe contacts, and to refuse the latter whenever possible is a valuable skill that everyone needs in principle.
"I want everything at once"
Oddly enough, emptiness and loss of interest are often felt by addicted people who are interested in everything around. So you don’t want to miss something, that a person is gaining more activities, affairs and hobbies than he can physically and emotionally pull. Life in a big city with a huge number of events, activities and acquaintances partly provokes this lifestyle. For example, if you have a wide circle of contacts, which includes the same active people, you constantly receive offers to go somewhere, go, see this and that, do something interesting. Some people find it hard to say, “Sorry, I can’t do this time,” and they try to visit three places in one evening, fly abroad on the weekend, and go to work on a Monday morning straight from the plane. And as a result, it happens and you don’t want anything anymore.
If this is your case, it would be good to think about why you are so afraid to reduce activity. Do you have before your eyes an example of loved ones, family members who seem to be not interested in anything, their life seems empty and boring to you - and you are afraid to become like them? What kind of person would you like to see yourself as and how this vision is influenced by the number of events attended and people met? In whose eyes is it important for you to look like an active, tireless person? It is important to understand that life at a frantic pace and an interesting life are two different things. The flickering of bright colors eventually merges into one solid gray.
Why can't a person be interested in anything?To answer this question, you must first understand what generally causes a person's interest.
What makes a person interested?
I will not beat around the bush, but I will say right away that positive emotions are of interest. If you remember moments when you were interested in something, you will notice that such moments were strongly emotionally colored. Moreover, emotions should be positive. Negative emotions cause a backlash, i.e. flight and disgust.
Now think back to your life, or at least the last few months. How many things made you feel positive? Does your work give you positive emotions? Does family life evoke positive emotions? Do entertainment evoke positive emotions?
If not, then the reason for this is the lack of satisfaction of needs. It is difficult to be interested in a job (or study) that does not satisfy curiosity, or the need for success, or the need for superiority over others, or the need for money. Why love such a job and be interested in it?
The same is true in family life. If family life does not satisfy the needs of a person, then it is not surprising that a person is not interested in it. This happens in every area of life.
It happens that a person finds himself in a situation where none of the spheres of life in which he is involved brings satisfaction. That's when a person becomes interested in nothing.
Why do people get into this situation?The fact is that in order for a person to get something, he must first invest something. For example, if you want to receive love from another person, then you first need to make him feel good. This creates conditions (but not a guarantee) for the other person to want to do good to you. However, in order to make the other person feel good, you need to feel good too. It turns out a vicious circle.
This principle works very clearly with money. To earn money, you first need to have some initial capital. When there is nothing to increase, then it is impossible to earn something.
How does this relate to interest? Directly. Lack of interest rests on a lack of positive emotions. Emotions rest on the lack of positive events in life. And the lack of positive events rests on the lack of resources.
Thus, the reason for the lack of interest is the external conditions of the environment. But there are also internal conditions that also strongly affect us, but it is with these conditions that we can do something.
Internal conditions for the emergence of interest
How do we rate life satisfaction? How do we know that we have been successful?
Very simple. We feel satisfaction when we achieve some of our personal goals. Moreover, these goals can be different. From “eat a sandwich with butter” to “make a million”.
It happens that a person sets goals for himself in isolation from his current life situation. Either too high or too low. In the first case, a person cannot receive immediate emotional reinforcement, because he cannot achieve the goal, and in the second, he does not deserve emotional reinforcement, because the goal is too easy.
I'll give you an example. Eating a red caviar sandwich for some beggar is a great achievement that will make him euphoric for a week. Maybe he will remember this sandwich for the rest of his life. And for some millionaire, this sandwich will not cause absolutely no emotions. Because it's too easy.
Accordingly, the business, in which this sandwich serves as a reward, will be of great interest to the beggar, and this will cause boredom and disgust for the rich man.
The goal of “earning a million” will not cause any emotions in a beggar, because for him this is an unattainable task, for which he does not have the resources.
Therefore, if you are not interested in anything in life, then one of two things: either your life goals are too easy to achieve, or, conversely, are too high and you do not have enough resources.
For sustained interest in any activity, we need fairly frequent reinforcements. If we want to be interested in earning money, then it is necessary that we earn it regularly, preferably with an increasing trend, so that we do not become too easy.
Therefore, if you are not interested in anything, then you should start by setting yourself realistically achievable goals. Every time we mentally check the “done” box next to a task, it will kindle our interest in this activity.
Things done are like firewood in a fire of interest. If you do not throw them up, then the fire will sooner or later go out. I hope you get the point.
Hello!
My life is gray and boring for me. Any turn of events in the course of life seems boring to me. Any occupation is not interesting for me, I do not want to do anything. There are no ambitions in life and I don’t want to start them.
In general, I have plans for life, but even if I implement them, then what? Even if I do something else, then what? Even if I don't, so what? Who cares? What is the point of all this? Just do something and enjoy it? Enjoy life? And why should I? I do not understand. I will live and enjoy life, but I can grieve, why all this? I don't want either one or the other.
I don't see myself in any field, in any relationship, or in any undertaking. Either path does not bring me any delight.
I can try anything in this life, I know, but I also know that sooner or later I will get tired of it. I'll get bored. What to do with it - I do not know. Only one question remains: why did all this happen? Oh, yes, some experience appeared, yeah. To hell with this experience, I don’t really care if it happens or not.
I really am not interested in living, I don’t know what to do with it, except to die, but there is still hope for something good. I will not dissemble and say that I want to live, but I don’t want to live the way I do now, I want to have a mountain of interests, I want to do something useful and just love something.
I would really like to hear from you how I can resolve this and how to show interest in life, since I cannot continue to live like this, but please do not write about God, parents and suicide as a sin, because these three concepts won't solve my problems. Anyway.
Support the site:
Olesya, age: 202 / 07/09/2015
Responses:
Hello! Olesya, you should take a little break from yourself and your thoughts, see how others live, help
to those who need it. Walk around the orphanages, see how the children will enjoy just sweets, attention,
your smile. Go to hospitals with seriously ill and terminally ill people, bring juices and fruits, support
with a kind word, and look into their eyes, they will have a great desire to live, because for patients the main thing is recovery,
the opportunity to meet the dawn every day, you think they are not burdened by the monotonous hospital walls ... Olesya, you don’t know
why do you live, but each person has his own destiny, his own goals. Do not want to do something for yourself and your future, so
do for others.
Irina, age: 07/27/2015
Olesya, perhaps the state of boredom is associated with a consumerist attitude to life - give me more impressions, delight, etc. If you put your soul into something, then it will not be uninteresting. Try to give more. Remove the preoccupation with yourself, your perception and attitude. Think more often about others, do something for them, you are still bored, but for others it is help, joy. Perhaps fears, fears and pain are hiding behind your boredom, you need to figure it out. Perhaps boredom covers your protest and rejection. In any case, what you wrote about is your INTEREST. You are wondering how to get rid of boredom and how to start living differently, good luck with this!
Quiet, age: 48 / 07/11/2015
Hello Olesya! Many people ask about the meaning of life. But understand, all the same, the path that You are destined to pass on Earth will not be passed by someone else. You won't be able to cut it off. Therefore, albeit through force and laziness, but we must seek. Think about some possible things for yourself or interests. At first, it may be something insignificant. A small goal that you want to achieve. Then another one. Do everything step by step. Every time I ask myself the question: am I really interested in this? Did I do the right thing in that situation? If you don’t think so and you understand that you did it in vain, change. Don't be afraid to try something new. The main thing is to have interest in something again. Help others or learn something new for yourself. Think about culture, creativity, sports, travel. In fact, it is full of everything interesting and unknown. Many people at some stage in their lives leave those hobbies that they had before and begin to live in a completely different way. They change their habits, the places they visit, the daily routine. Moreover, they begin to do things that they didn’t know at all before, that they didn’t think about. You, too, probably just don’t know much or know little. Think. But even if you don’t feel like doing anything, learning something, then just try to enjoy the opportunity to sit at home and be alone. Why not? You're alive, that's the main thing. Why not find a new challenge after a while and accept it? Leave bad thoughts. Good luck!
Mikhail, age: 27/12/07/2015
Reading Chekhov, I was jarred by the fact that quite young, mature, healthy, without material problems, the characters were tormented by boredom. And I nodded my head, yes, it’s really boring, because this is the end of the 19th century, no phones, no Internet, even the desired book is a big problem to read, life without special events and impressions, of course, is boring. But now it’s a different matter, take at least the Internet with its communication capabilities, forums, libraries, watching any movie, broadcasts, discussions on thematic forums, searching for any music, performers, various radio stations, TV channels, and ALL this at a convenient time for you and place, when interest and desire arose, etc. Now in the 21st century, in my opinion, there is simply no loophole for boredom, boredom remained in the distant 19th century, and suddenly, Olesya, you surprised me with your letter. And I realized that not everything is as simple as it seemed to me.
What could be behind your boredom? Everything seems meaningless to you, like what's the difference, it sounds rhetorically the question why do I need this. The difference is that it will be in your life and not on the TV screen. This is your life, which you look at as if detachedly and condescendingly. You make speculative conclusions, but try to LIVE, FEEL. You argue about the taste of an unseen fruit instead of tasting it. Do you see the difference between inference and reality? those. You live little in reality, but more "in your head." In life, one must make efforts, work, invest a piece of the soul, give love, warmth, share emotions. Maybe you are lazy? Try it, life will sparkle with colors.
And I also think that your position is a psychological defense. Firstly, from the pressure of external requirements and norms, accepted stereotypes of how to live. You sound like you don't want this or that. That's right, your task is to understand what you personally want, what your soul aspires to! And build your life accordingly.
Secondly, protection from pain, from disappointments. Self-doubt, which is difficult to admit to oneself, can masquerade as boredom and lack of desire.
You need to understand that this is your life, your interest, not someone else's, but your life. Accept your most insignificant little interest in something. And then other interests and a taste for life will appear, allow yourself this. If you are used to criticizing yourself, constantly making excessive demands on yourself, then you should refuse such an attitude.
It is worth working hard, not counting the efforts, life will definitely show its colors and taste. It is worth giving more, and then life will show colors. If you aspire to something real, then you will definitely succeed! Keep the right direction! I wanted to help, good luck!
Quiet, age: 48 / 07/12/2015
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To exchange words, of course, I can. And discuss a common problem - for example, with mothers on the site about kindergartens, schools, weather, nature ...
However, when I take a closer look at them, I understand that it is not interesting for me to continue communication in closer contact ... With none of them.
I notice.. that on deeper topics... I can only talk with you and my husband.
It is impossible for most people to talk about their feelings, as if it is taboo ...
In response, I hear either rescue slogans, or the same rescue advice, silence, aggression and other defenses.
As if there, on the other side, they don’t know what to do with feelings, and are in a hurry to “hush” them.
... Somehow I complained to a person with whom, as it seemed to me, this was possible, about my difficult relationship with my mother.
My friend or girlfriend? - I find it difficult to determine the level of our relationship - so she also tried to shut me up: “Well, how much can you stir up the past? You have already grown up, live in the present!
I didn’t immediately find what to answer, but the feelings were disgusting - as if I opened my soft stomach, and something sharp was poked into it, and poked quite hard.
After some thought, I decided, after a while, to still express my feelings about the incident. I didn't want to leave him unattended.
I wrote the letter because it made it easier for me. I was trembling, I was afraid of another slap in the face, but I could no longer leave myself without protection, and another person in the dark about what had happened.
We had a rather difficult correspondence, I was thrown into the heat, then into the cold, then into horror, then into hope ...
It seems that you plunged into the very layer of feelings and needs that you spoke about earlier, which you need in a relationship ... and it was not easy for you there.
Of course it's not easy! I have almost no experience of clarifying - only with you and with my husband ... Before, I always defended myself, fell into sarcasm .... Attacked, and then nothing good happened! There was a "sediment", a feeling of injury, and a desire to immediately end the relationship!
…. Listening to a woman, I experience mixed feelings - on the one hand, I worry about her, and even, to some extent, merge, take her side; on the other hand, I am glad and proud that she risks interacting in such a difficult context, does not abandon herself, relying on her experiences as her true ones, makes an attempt to get closer to the Other, talking about herself and trying to hear him.
I admire courage and courage, I sympathize with vulnerability.
Then we again talk about her current feeling - is she really arrogant and arrogant, as her mother says, if she does not want to communicate at the proposed everyday level, where there is no connection to her PERSONAL feelings, values and experiences? What if her mother is right when she says to her: “Do you communicate only when you need something from your relatives?”
Or maybe it's the other way around? If the mother and other relatives do not connect to their personal layer of experiences, and cannot maintain this contact with themselves and the Other, and can only offer for communication what is connected with survival, then they themselves impose a limited and unsatisfactory level of contact.
…Therapy starts the process of change, rethinking one's place among other people. Through regular contact with ourselves, we change, our choices and priorities change.
At the very beginning of such a path, “I am not interested in people” can mean a defensive position of a person who does not trust the world.
On another stretch of the path, such recognition may mean an accomplished separation, when a person has already been able to discover himself, separate from others, and become more selective in his connections, which, in my opinion, reflects the natural order of things. For discernment is a consequence of understanding and accepting one's needs and feelings.
