THE NEED FOR EXCELLENCE

Self-sufficient person- this is a self-actualizing person, that is, realizing his potentials and giving people the results of his creativity. The one who first begins to conflict does so out of weakness. He defends himself with the thought of his right to “take without giving” from the thought of his creative inconsistency, inferiority. This is his psychological defense, that is, a certain calming effect.

What is a thief? This is a creatively incompetent person. What is a sex offender? Often it is the "man" who is rejected by women. What is a person who arrogantly makes fun of the "scapegoat"? It is often a kind of "loser" who asserts himself, humiliating the "weaker". This is the protection of his psyche. But this defense does not save, it drives the experience of its weakness deep into, instead of overcoming it ... relationships and communication.

One of the most stressful, vulnerable needs in the process of communication is the need for superiority. The need for superiority is most likely due to its importance for the survival of the individual (the superior will survive). And perhaps more important here is the biologically necessary function of a leader in a herd of animals of the same species, within which the competition for the right to be a leader takes place. Obedience to the leader ensures that everyone's behavior is optimal in this regard. One can agree with the American psychologist Eric Berne, who emphasized the importance of parental domination and drew attention to the fact that the subordination of the child to the parent is the basis of the subordination of an adult (in which the child, as it were, lives - after all, every adult was a child) to another adult.
Many people strive to take a position "higher". If it is difficult, they accept being equals, but resist being below.

PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEVELOPED MORAL ATTITUDES OF JUSTICE AND NOBILITY DO NOT APPLY FOR A POSITION "ABOVE" UNLESS IT IS DUE TO EXTRAORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCES DUE TO TAKE AUTHORITY.

And those who do not share the idea of ​​equality often break through the attitude of superiority. And now, if this person, instead of the desired signs of his superiority over you, perceives your behavior as signs of superiority over him, which causes a feeling of humiliation. He, in turn, will begin to humiliate you in order to ascend himself. And it's pointless. After all, the demonstration of superiority is based on the greater respect of others, as a result of which self-esteem should also increase. But does respect increase and is there any reason for self-esteem and high self-esteem if self-exaltation occurs at the expense of humiliating other people? A person who asserts himself in this way did not get out of the fetters of the biological element, where morality is still absent. A real (and not an illusory) basis for self-esteem is provided by self-improvement, rising above oneself (I am better today than yesterday, and tomorrow is better than today), including through overcoming the impulses to dominate. Demonstration of superiority, moreover, is often conditioned, as psychologists note, by low (in the depths of the soul) self-esteem, and then there is a defense of the psyche "I am higher." A person with adequately high self-esteem will not constantly shout such "slogans" to maintain the spirit.

Superiority can be rude and offensive. It's not so rare to hear people say to each other: “stop talking nonsense,” “all this is nonsense”. But more often superiority is manifested in a softened form, presented in accordance with the rules of etiquette and becomes "acceptable" in communication. For example: “you don’t understand that ...”, “okay, okay, okay ...”, “you’re a smart person, but you say such things”, “don’t be nervous”, “don’t be offended”.

In the above examples, the position of superiority occupies a visible main place, that is, here "I set myself the goal of showing my superiority." But it is often traced in such phenomena that seem to have a seemingly different motivation. For example, negative reviews, accusations, ridicule ...

Manifestations of superiority on your part may not play a conflicting role if you are objectively superior and your partner admits it. On the other hand, if a partner behaves from a position of “higher”, having, however, grounds for this, this should not be regarded as a desire to rise. For example, a manager calls a subordinate to his office, and does not go to his workplace. This is a natural top-down attitude. Similar examples can be taken from family relationships. Older family members are sincerely motivated to give advice that should most likely be viewed as an extension from above. This is fine. And it is not worth "dusting", but worth understanding.

If, in accordance with the principles of justice and nobility, and not out of flattery - for the purpose of manipulation - I actively show my partner that I sincerely acknowledge his superiority over myself in any respect and sincerely admire him, then this does not humiliate my personality as a whole: after all I can surpass a person in something else (and if not, then I am equal to him in socio-political terms); therefore, it is not about socio-political inequality, but about the unequal development of certain qualities in different people. So, admire! But admire sincerely!

Sadism

Sadism is an erotic manifestation of the desire to dominate another person by causing him physical and emotional suffering. The main pleasure a sadist gets is not from sex, but when he makes his victim suffer.

Sexologists believe that sadistic tendencies are not an obstacle to building relationships or families, especially if the second person in a couple is prone to masochism. The main thing is that the situation does not get out of control. There are BDSM communities in the world for which role-playing games during sex, based on submission, are the main component of sexual pleasure. Unlike outright sadists, BDSM couples are guided by the principles of safe sex and common sense. They have a conditioned signal after which the partner stops any actions that cause discomfort to the other.

Larisa met Andrey in a cafe. The girl liked this young man. Attractive, interesting. Perhaps sex with him was sometimes boring, but she hoped to work on this when they got to know each other better. The girl decided to speak on a delicate topic only six months later, when Andrei invited her to move in with him. He agreed that their sex life lacked a "spark" and admitted that he has long been fond of the practices of BDSM, which make sex something special. Larissa agreed to try.

“At first everything was really great. Andrei slowly introduced me to the course of the matter. The only thing he insisted on was the lead role. Whatever happened, he was the master, I am a slave. Then a variety of intimate accessories entered our life, we experimented with gags, vibrators, bondage, whips, handcuffs, etc. And then for the first time I began to notice that my beloved was flirting. He began to cause me real pain during sex, which could no longer smooth out arousal. Once he tied me tightly and left me lying for several hours, although I begged to let me go at least to the toilet. A couple of times I whipped it so that there were marks on my body. Light games, which used to drive Andrey crazy, did not excite him anymore. He wanted more and more. The relationship ended two years later, when sadism from bed began to penetrate into everyday life. I ran away. "

If you study the history of Muslim peoples, you will find that one of the hallmarks of the Islamic civilization, which for a long time surpassed all other civilizations, is its versatility. The Islamic civilization was aware of the scale of the interracial and interethnic integration that existed in the world, which provided every nation and ethnic group with the opportunity to fully participate in the development and improvement of civilization.

This can be seen by looking at the great people in Muslim history who have achieved great success in many types of art, in science and in many professions, which gives civilization its own character. We believe that the great thinkers, leaders, artists and successful people of Islam are representatives of every ethnic group and nationality that have entered Islam. We also found that the representatives of Islam are Turks, Kurds, Arabs, Persians, Berbers, Africans, Indians and peoples of Central Asia.

The reason for this is simple: the religion that united these people into one civilization is not a religion only for Arabs, although its Prophet was an Arab. Prophet Muhammad came with religion for all mankind. The message of the Quran is universal.

The Almighty says about his Prophet: “ We only sent you as a favor to all creation"(Quran 21: 107).

The Lord commanded his messenger: “Say (Muhammad):“ O people! I am the Messenger of God to all of you. He has authority over heaven and earth. There is no deity but Him ”(Quran 7: 158)

The Almighty describes the Qur'an as follows: “ V if this is only a Reminder for the worlds "(Quran 12: 104)

Another reason why Islamic civilization has achieved the ideal of universality is that Islam adheres to the principle that righteousness is the basis of one person's superiority over another. Factors such as skin color, race, origin and ethnicity are simply not taken into account.

The Almighty speaks about it directly, the Quran says: “ Oh people! Indeed, We created you out of man and woman and made you peoples and tribes, so that you recognize each other, and the most revered before Allah among you is the most God-fearing "(Quran 49:13)

Adhering to this principle, the Prophet Muhammad told the people in his Last Sermon to the assembled pilgrims in Mina: “O people! Truly, your Lord is one, and your forefather is one. There is no preference for an Arab over a non-Arab, and a non-Arab over an Arab, just as there is no superiority of a white man over a black man and a black man over a white man! The superiority of some people over others can only be in fear of God. "

Having said this, he asked them: "Have I brought this to you?"

In response, he heard: Brought, O Messenger of Allah! "

That is why Islam was able to combine a huge variety of nations and peoples into one large and significant civilization, unlike the rest of the world, which failed to do this.

Not that others haven't tried it. Perhaps it was Alexander III of Macedon, also known as Alexander the Great, who made the greatest attempt in history to unite people before Islam did. Under the tutelage of Aristotle, Alexander strove to form a universal civilization that would unite all people in his Empire into a common Hellenistic culture. For this, he founded cities in each province called Alexandria, which could become centers of culture and learning, as well as an inexhaustible source of a single Hellenistic civilization.

He also sought to unite the Greeks and Persians into a single people through a consanguineous marriage program. He conducted a mass wedding ceremony for his senior officers with Persian and other noblewomen in the city of Susa, which is in present-day western Iran. He himself married the daughter of a Persian monarch. He actively promoted consanguineous marriages among the peoples of his empire, and this became his policy.

Alas, the dream of Alexander and his mentor Aristotle was not crowned with success. She disappeared as soon as Alexander died. The states that succeeded his empire were those of the Greek ruling class that ruled over indigenous peoples who did not share the culture, values, and prosperity of rulers.

The significance of the achievement of Islam can also be seen in the light of Western civilization, which has been under the influence of white domination for a very long time. Western civilization did not regard non-whites as equals and did not allow them to fully participate in the life of this civilization on equal terms. Even in America, a land of immigrants where many ethnic and racial groups are fully represented, and where the ideal of universality could be most realized, the days of racial division are not so long ago.

It was Islam that conveyed the ideal of equality and the universality of the civilization that it founded. This is truly one of the greatest achievements of Islam.

Notes Austrian psychiatrist Alfred Adler, who created the system of individual psychology, argued that the main driving force of human life is the desire for superiority. It can be constructive, that is, useful for the development of the personality, and destructive - destroying it. Striving for excellence is inherent in each of us to one degree or another. Is it worth it to resist and how to direct it in a constructive direction, let's try to figure it out.

The theory of compensation for the "inferiority complex"

I want to make a reservation right away that we will not accept A. Adler's statements as the ultimate truth. This is just one of the theories about the determinants of human behavior that are simply interesting to familiarize yourself with and take into account in your own search for truth. In the same way, it is impossible to completely take on faith the teachings of Z. Freud about the unconscious and sexual origins.

But, in any case, there is something in these theories that deserves our attention. So, Adler believed that a person strives for constant self-affirmation, self-realization and achievement of superiority, because in childhood he experienced severe pressure from an "inferiority complex" that he experienced in relation to his parents. They seemed to him to be Gods, almighty giants, wizards who know how to do everything, can protect, decide, protect, direct. The child himself, of course, did not yet know how to do this and therefore felt sacred reverence for his ancestors. And growing up, he tried to get rid of this inferiority complex. Become an adult as soon as possible. That is, to prove your worth.

Remember, almost all of us in childhood dreamed of getting out of parental care and proving our independence, solvency and importance. In different ways, by the way. Sometimes manipulative (essentially destructive), such as tantrums, resentments, escapes, deceptions, etc.

We have been convinced more than once what a strong driving force our complexes have. As a person with some disabilities, he tries to compensate for them by protruding and developing other qualities. Through the extreme overcoming of shortcomings by developing outstanding abilities in oneself. Remember the ancient Greek orator Demosthenes, who had a speech impediment and who, despite this, became a famous favorite of the public. Many famous generals did not differ in height (Napoleon, A. Suvorov, A. Macedonian), but reached a high position, as if proving their true value, that is, despite their natural abilities, they became a cut above their contemporaries.

That is, the desire for superiority is nothing more than a struggle with the infantile inferiority complex that we experienced in relation to our parents.

But self-affirmation - the most important human need - can be of a positive developmental nature or be pathological, that is, destructive.

Psychologists E. P. Nikitin and N. E. Kharlamenkova in their book "The Phenomenon of Human Self-Assertion" write that self-assertion, self-realization permeate our entire life. And they are a powerful force capable of acting in different ways: "It can create, create a person, raising him almost to divine heights, or it can destroy him, completely deprive him of his human appearance, and cast him into the abyss of the bestial."

What is a destructive personality?

Destructiveness - (from Lat. Destructio - destruction, violation of the normal structure of something) - negative actions of a person, directed outward, to external objects, or inward, to oneself. It turns out a paradoxical situation, a person wants to prove his superiority, but it turns out that he blocks fruitful energy, hinders it on the way to development, to self-realization, a person fails to realize his potential.
In order to better understand what a destructive personality is, it is probably useful to find out what properties its opposite possesses, that is, a person with an integral, undeformed, balanced psyche. A normal person, let's call him so, must have the following qualities:
Adequate responses to external factors (appropriate to the situation);
Subordination of behavior to optimal life expediency, common sense, consistency of goals, motives and actions.
The claims coincide with the real capabilities of a person.
A person harmoniously interacts and coexists with other people.

When this is not the case, we are talking about a destructive personality. This, by and large, is an unhappy person who could not find himself in the world of people and did not learn to respect himself, others and his life.

As a rule, destructive individuals seek compensation for feelings of their own inferiority at the expense of others, as a rule, this is a selfish person, preoccupied with their own destructive self-affirmation. Such people are characterized by:
destructive actions outside and when he himself is the cause of frustration and a possible way out of a traumatic situation is self-destruction (alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide).
pathological persistence of affect ("getting stuck" in some situations);
painful resentment, rancor, vengefulness, sensitivity, slight vulnerability;
high anxiety - a tendency to experience anxiety, and with a very low threshold of sensitivity, that is, for any reason;
malignant narcissism, psychopathies and antisocial traits - that is, demonstrative inappropriate behavior in relationships when partners or partners, relatives and friends are exploited, humiliated and offended.

Destructive manipulation

At the same time, destructive individuals use a whole arsenal of manipulative techniques, which are worth writing a whole separate article about. The most common ones are:
projections (transitions to personalities);
gaslighting (or playing "foolish" - "I didn't mean that", "this was not the case");
generalizations, unsubstantiated statements, chattering of the problem;
insults;
threats;
misinterpretation of the interlocutor's thoughts and words (“turning in his own way”), omissions, taking out of context and serving “under his own sauce”;
direct accusations;
slander, etc.

All this is done in order to shift the responsibility onto the interlocutor (partner, etc.), put him in an unfavorable light, rise at his expense, remove, push him off the step of the pedestal, take an advantageous position. That is, ultimately, to assert their superiority. "Well, no, I certainly don't behave like that!" - most of us think and are wrong. Sometimes we do not realize that we ourselves use these in our daily communication, and all of them are used in one way or another in order to show how outstanding, irreplaceable, intelligent, kind, etc. we are.

But such self-affirmation can be called climbing over corpses, since proving our superiority even in the most insignificant things, we inevitably infringe on others, that is, we lower them to a lower step.

Is it inevitable? Are we all doomed to assert ourselves, walking over the corpses of defeated competitors?

Constructive orientation of the theory of superiority

If we take Adler's statement on faith, then we are all, to one degree or another, ambitious and claim superiority over others. And this is the fact that we need to come to terms with and accept in ourselves.

Are there absolutely non-ambitious people in the world? Probably not. We always want to surpass someone in something. Build the best house, become the best accountant, write the novel of the century, reach Olympic heights, compose immortal music, etc. etc. Everyone has their own heights, their dreams, their own levels. They make us move forward, achieve success, and develop. Maybe this is not bad. If it were not for the "corpses" of dreamers like us, left behind by us ...

As a rule, in life we ​​are constantly faced with competitors, many competitors (from a parking space to a place in a cemetery) and we start an invisible war with them, a fight for a plot under the sun. Everyone is looking for a more advantageous position in comparison with those walking nearby, standing, living.

But what if we change the orbit of achievements and strive for something that does not imply competition, for something that has no restrictions, that will never end, has no material boundaries, weight, size? And the only criterion for achieving this will be our feeling of happiness, unity with the world, harmony. Let's try to imagine ...

What can satisfy our thirst for self-affirmation?

Knowing yourself and the world
Love
Creativity, creation
Feelings of satisfaction from life

Just live and get the maximum amount of information, love, pleasure, beauty, joy, happiness from life. That which is in bulk and enough for everyone, you just need to learn to see, accept, feel, be aware of it. That is, in the end, our main Mont Blanc is within us and our task is to reach our own peak without losses (external and internal).

Feelings of superiority or inferiority are pure dependency relationships. Your qualities are compared to those of others, so excess potential is inevitably created. On an energetic level, it doesn't matter if you publicly express your superiority or just secretly congratulate yourself when comparing to others. There is no need to prove that a clear expression of your superiority will bring nothing but the dislike of others. Comparing himself with others in his own favor, a person seeks to artificially assert himself at someone else's expense. Such a desire always creates potential, even if it is just a shadow of arrogance that is not clearly expressed. The action of the equilibrium forces in this case will always manifest itself as a snap on the nose.

It is clear that by comparing himself with the world around him, a person is trying to prove his worth. But self-affirmation through comparison is illusory. Similarly, a fly tries to break through the glass when a window is open nearby. When a person seeks to declare his importance to the world, energy is spent on maintaining an artificially created excess potential. Self-improvement, on the other hand, develops real virtues, so energy is not wasted and does not generate harmful potential.

It may seem to you that the energy expended in comparison is negligible. In fact, this energy is abundantly enough to maintain a sufficiently strong potential. The main role here is played by the intention to direct energy in one direction or another. If the goal is the desire to acquire dignity, the intention rolls the person forward. If his goal is to show the world his regalia, he slips in place, creating a heterogeneity in the energy field. The world will be "shaken" by the brilliance of the regalia, and the balancing forces will come into play. They have little choice: either to revive the faded colors of the surrounding world, or to extinguish the shine of an inappropriate star. The first option is, of course, too laborious. Only the second remains. The balancing forces have plenty of ways to do this. It is not at all necessary for them to deprive the ambitious of his regalia. It is enough to present him with any annoying nuisance to bring down arrogance.

We often perceive all sorts of troubles, problems and obstacles as integral properties of this world. No one is surprised that all of them, from small to large, are indispensable companions of every person throughout life. Everyone is accustomed to the fact that this is our world. In fact, a nuisance is an anomaly, not a normal occurrence. Where it comes from and why it happens to you, it is often impossible to determine in a logical way. So, most of the troubles, one way or another, are caused by the actions of the balancing forces to eliminate the excess potentials created by you or people from your environment. You yourself do not realize that you are creating excess potentials, and then you accept troubles as an inevitable evil and do not understand this as the work of balancing forces.

You can get rid of most of the trouble by freeing yourself from the titanic efforts of maintaining excess potentials. Titanic energy is not only wasted, but also reverses the equilibrium forces in such a way that the result is exactly the opposite of intention. Thus, you just need to stop beating like a fly on the glass and redirect your intention to the development of merits, not caring about your position on the ladder of superiority. By shedding the burden of concern about self-importance, you will get rid of the effects of balancing forces. There will be fewer problems, and after that, self-confidence will increase.

On the other hand, you should drive away the slightest thoughts that you are able to control the world around you. Regardless of your position on the social ladder, with such a position, you will definitely find yourself on the losing side. Attempts to change the world around us upset the balance. Active interference in the structure of the world, to one degree or another, affects the interests of many people. Transurfing allows you to choose your destiny without affecting anyone's interests. This is much more effective than going ahead, overcoming obstacles. Fate is really in your hands, but only in the sense that you are given to choose it, and not change it. Acting from the standpoint of a creator of destiny in the literal sense, many people fail. There is no room for struggle in Transurfing, so you can “bury the ax of war” with relief.

On the other hand, giving up superiority has nothing to do with self-deprecation. The belittling of one's own merits is superiority with the opposite sign. At the energy level, the sign is not im., 1 meaning. The magnitude of the emerging potential is directly proportional to the value of the estimate bias. When faced with importance, the balancing forces act to throw it off the pedestal. In the case of an inferiority complex, they force a person to try in every possible way to raise artificially low dignity. Equilibrium forces usually act head-on, not caring about the intricacies of human relations. Therefore, the person behaves unnaturally, thereby further emphasizing what he is trying to hide.

For example, adolescents can act cocky, thereby making up for self-doubt. Shy people can act cheeky to hide their shyness. People with low self-esteem, wanting to show their best side, may behave stiffly or feigned. And so on. In any case, the struggle with your complex brings even more unpleasant consequences than himself.

As you can imagine, all these attempts are in vain. Fighting an inferiority complex is useless. The only way to avoid its consequences is to eliminate the complex itself. However, getting rid of it is quite difficult. Persuading yourself that everything is fine with you is also useless. You will not be able to deceive yourself. This is where the slide technique, which we'll get to know later, can help.

At this stage, it is easy enough to understand that preoccupation with one's own shortcomings in comparison with the merits of others works in the same way as the desire to show one's comparative superiority. The result will be the opposite of intention. Do not imagine that everyone around you attaches the same importance to your shortcomings as you do. In fact, everyone is concerned only with their own person, so you can safely throw off a titanic burden. The excess potential will disappear, the equilibrium forces will cease to aggravate the situation, and the released energy will be directed towards the development of merits.

The point is not to struggle with your shortcomings and not try to hide them, but to compensate with other qualities. Lack of beauty can be compensated for by charm. There are people with a rather unattractive appearance, but as soon as they speak, the interlocutor falls completely under their charm. Physical disabilities are compensated for by self-confidence. How many great people in history have had a nondescript appearance! The inability to communicate freely can be replaced by the ability to listen. There is a saying: "Everyone lies, but it does not change anything, because no one listens to anyone." People may be interested in your eloquence, but only as a last resort. Everyone, just like you, is exclusively occupied with themselves, with their problems, so a good listener to whom you can pour everything out is a real treasure. Shy people can be advised one thing: take care of this quality of yours as a treasure! Believe me, shyness has a hidden charm. When you give up fighting your shyness, it stops looking awkward, and you will notice that people have a liking for you.

Well, one more example of compensation. The far-fetched need to “be cool” very often pushes people to imitate others who have achieved the title of “cool”. Mindlessly copying someone else's script will create nothing more than a parody. Each has its own script. You just need to choose your credo and live in accordance with it. To emulate others in achieving the status of "cool" is to use the method of a fly beating against glass. For example, in a group of teenagers, the leader is the one who lives in accordance with his credo. The leader became such because he freed himself from the obligation to consult with others about how to act. He does not need to imitate anyone, he simply established himself a worthy assessment, he himself knows what to do, does not curry favor with anyone, does not try to prove anything to anyone. Thus, he is free of excess potential and gets the well-deserved advantage. Leaders in any group are those who live in accordance with their credo. If a person has rid himself of the burden of excess potentials, he has nothing to defend - he is internally free, self-sufficient and has more energy. These advantages over the rest of the group make him a leader.

See where the open window is? Maybe you think that "all this is not about me, I do not suffer from this." Don't try to fool yourself. Any person, to one degree or another, is inclined to create excess potentials around his person. But in general, if you adhere to the principles of Transerfing, the inferiority or superiority complex will simply disappear from your life.

50 main psychological traps and ways to avoid them Medyankin Nikolay

How does a sense of superiority prevent us?

All people are equal, there is no one who is higher or lower than others. Therefore, both an inferiority complex and a superiority complex are only a subjective perception of oneself by a person, but in fact self-deception.

A person with an inferiority complex essentially feels as insecure as a person with an inferiority complex. But if someone who is sure that they are the worst usually suffers quietly and executes themselves, then the person with a superiority complex is looking for ways to feel confident. For this, he tries to suppress others with his imaginary superiority. After all, he only feels good when there is someone nearby who can be humiliated, who can be laughed at, who can be subdued. He would feel best if everyone looked up at him and were obedient. But these dreams are impossible. Because most people do not accept the role of obedient, weak, submissive puppets who can be commanded as they please.

A person with a superiority complex essentially wants to adapt reality to himself - to make people the way he would like to see them. And if people do not obey, he loses his temper. As a result, he has a real neurosis due to the constant contradiction between the desired and the actual. A person gets angry if someone does not want to recognize his greatness, primacy, and special significance. Deep down, he is unhappy, because he is too dependent on those around him and on whether he has power over them.

A person obsessed with an extreme superiority complex can become socially dangerous. This happens if he fails to assert himself in his superiority in socially acceptable ways. The most serious crimes are sometimes committed in order to feel their imaginary superiority and power over other people.

But the most important thing is that the superiority is just imaginary. This means that a person does not become happier from the fact that he considers himself superior to others. In the depths of his soul, he still remains a flawed, unhappy creature, unable to love himself or others. In fact, he does not really live - he only fights all his life for the illusion of his greatness. As a result, his strength and vitality are wasted.

He does not achieve creative goals and can come to a complete collapse and loss of the meaning of life!

Exercise 1.

Realize your true worth

Maybe you are afraid to throw off the mask of superiority, because you feel that in this case you will have to face your true self, and you will feel weak, miserable and flawed without this mask? Tell yourself you have nothing to be afraid of. You have a strong personality inside you, which is valuable in itself, without any masks.

Imagine that there is someone who loves you with unconditional love, as you are, without any masks, loves both the strong and the weak. Imagine feeling the gaze of his loving and forgiving eyes on you. You can imagine, for example, that this is how an ideal mother looks at you - the most loving and kind in the world. But in fact, you will meet in this way with the most loving, kind and all-forgiving part of yourself.

Say to yourself - on behalf of this loving part of yourself: “I have value on my own. This value is absolute, it does not depend on anything. No circumstances, no words or actions of other people can destroy my true value. I allow myself to be anything - strong and weak. I accept myself as everyone. I love and appreciate myself as everyone. I free myself from the need to wear masks. I recognize my worth as I am. "

Exercise 2.

Praise from the Heart

Begin to appreciate both your own worth and the worth of others. If you have not noticed the positive qualities and good deeds of other people, set yourself a goal to start noticing it. If you have a superiority complex, then the achievements and dignity of others can make you feel somewhat jealous. Do you think that if you acknowledge the merits of another, it will humiliate you? But this is not at all true!

You can recognize and value both your own merits and the merits of others. Tell yourself, “No one is worse or better. All people are equal, and all are equally deserving of praise for their merits and dignity. I deserve praise - and other people deserve praise. We are equal. From now on, I communicate on an equal footing with people. I respect myself, I respect others. I value myself, I value others. "

Find something to praise yourself for. If you are used to feeling superior to others, you will not have a problem with this. And then - complicate your task: find something to praise the other for, and praise him! Set a goal for yourself: after each praise to yourself, be sure to praise the other. So that the number of praises to oneself is equal to the number of praises to someone else. For example, you might decide to praise yourself five times in a day and someone else five times in a day. Do this day in and day out. The number of praises can be changed, the main thing is to maintain a balance: how much to yourself - so much to others, no more and no less.

You will see how your mood begins to change for the better, and your relationships with people will noticeably improve.

Exercise 3.

Being strong means not being afraid of your weaknesses.

If you consider yourself stronger than others, but at the same time do not admit your mistakes and weaknesses, your strength is imaginary, ostentatious. A truly strong person is never afraid to admit that he was wrong, he was wrong. Not afraid to apologize, ask for forgiveness. It is not a shame to make mistakes, all people make them. It's a shame not to want to correct mistakes. If you make a mistake, admit it and decide to fix it, it will not humiliate you in the least. Learn to admit mistakes with dignity. Learn to admit your weaknesses and failures. This will only give you strength and give you an incentive for subsequent victories.

Take a paper, a pen, and give yourself your word that you will be as honest with yourself as possible. After all, no one will know what you are about to write - this is not needed by anyone but you.

Continue with the following phrases:

I do not like the fact that I ...

There is something that I do not do as well as I would like, and this ...

It happens that I am scolded and criticized for ...

I remember the following my failures most of all: ...

The qualities that I do not have, but which I would like to have, are ...

My bad, unwanted habits are ...

Take your time, think about what you write. Then re-read and think: which of the shortcomings, mistakes and failures you listed are genuine, and which are imaginary? Maybe someone instilled in you that you have these shortcomings (or maybe you inspired it yourself)? Are you exaggerating your failures and weaknesses? They seem to you to be a tragedy, something that needs to be hidden from others, when in fact it is a trifle, and many other people also have the same flaw or make the same mistakes?

Re-read the list of your shortcomings again, and after each say aloud: “I accept this in me. I do not blame myself for this. I forgive myself for this. I am a good person, I recognize my true value, which does not depend on anything. "

Then be sure to list your strengths. This can be done by continuing the following phrases:

I like the fact that I ...

There is something that I do very well, better than other people, and this ...

I am praised for ...

Most of all, I remember the following successes, victories and achievements: ...

I have the following positive qualities: ...

My good, useful habits are ...

Reread and say to yourself: “I have both advantages and disadvantages, like all people. I accept both in me. I am the same person as everyone else - no worse and no better. I have exactly the same rights to live and be myself as all other people. "

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From the book How to Speak, to be listened to by Clayton Mike

Mistake 20. Superiority complex Where does the feeling "I am the best" come from? If a person has on his face written “I am the best, I am higher than everyone,” if he looks down on others - just know, deep down he feels flawed, although he himself will never admit it. Complex

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From the author's book

Chapter 1 What is stopping you? In my opinion, now is the best time to take stock. It is necessary to draw conclusions about what the past year was like for you, what interesting and good things happened. And also make a plan for the next year. I understand that you have a lot of things to do in your life and