"The thought that everything earthly is not eternal is infinitely cruel and infinitely comforting."
Maria-Ebner Eschenbach
Before thinking about whether love can pass, remember that nothing in this world disappears, only transforms. And love, too, never goes unnoticed. Sometimes it turns into friendship, sometimes it turns into hatred, and sometimes it turns into a memory or a habit. Maybe it's time to untie the knot of relations in order to move on, but how to understand that this time has come? How to know that love has passed, and indeed, whether it is passing, if true. We will talk about this today.
How to understand that love has passed?
There is no single answer to the question: why does love pass. This may be due to both external factors (distance, chronic material problems, gossip, etc.), and your internal changes. First love, as a rule, does not pass quickly, precisely because it has little to do with external factors, and inside we keep this feeling for a long time and true, because it is associated with feelings that are still new to us, but such alluring feelings.
So, how to tell if your love has passed:
- you start to get annoyed by his habits or demeanor. Even in appearance, you can discover something unusual and unpleasant for yourself (remember Anna Karenina, when she was suddenly struck by her husband's bulging ears). Annoyance is the first sign that your relationship is in serious trouble;
- don't worry about fights. If you do not know how to understand whether love has passed, listen to yourself during an argument. No outrage? You don’t care whether you make up or not (or, perhaps, deep down in your soul, the thought warms you that you will never);
- forget about its existence. At the end of the working day, you suddenly remember a person and that, only because you promised to cook dinner. When love passes, you do not even think that you can do everyday activities, such as cleaning or even watching a TV series;
- withdraw into yourself, everyone lives in their own space. Conversations are reduced to monosyllabic sentences, and after work you wander in different directions. You don’t want to share your impressions, and you don’t want to know how half is doing, too;
- do not feel any sexual attraction. The presence of sex is not yet an indicator of love, but its absence is definitely an alarming sign. Every woman has a temporary lack of attraction, however, if you have long perceived sex as an annoying duty, this is a reason to think;
- loss of humor. You no longer laugh at the same jokes, let alone the jokes of a previously loved one;
- make a decision alone, think like a separate self. And just face each other with a fact;
- rejoice when parting is coming. If, to the words of a young man about an upcoming business trip, the heart joyfully answers "hurray", and you immediately think about what you will do without him, most likely, the love has passed.
How long does love go through?
How quickly love passes depends, of course, on the initial strength of feelings. However, the notorious crises (3, 7 and more years) are not tombstones for love. It is rather a time of rethinking and transition to a new stage of relations. But sometimes it happens that it is at this time that a devastating and at the same time depressing feeling that you no longer love this person emerges from the depths of your soul. What's next?
Love has passed, what to do?
How often, 
feeling the withering away of love, we cling to feelings that allow us to return the illusion of falling in love - memories. We replay the past, evoking warm feelings and fear. The fear of what is not going to happen again. However, it is worth considering: are you satisfied with the repetition in the past tense? All that you remember is the past, but the present is the fact that love has passed. And you will always (!) Have to live in the present tense. Therefore, do not allow yourself to deceive yourself. Living with a person whom you do not love, sacrificing yourself, you only humiliate him, and make yourself unhappy. Go ahead, rejoice, fall in love, love and be loved ...
Ever since I started falling in love, I've been worried about where love goes after the relationship ends. And one more question - why at a young age in a short time we manage to go through several relationships (first love, etc.), and then “get married” - we connect our life with one person and live with him almost forever? Personally, it seems like a miracle to me.
How to understand that love has left a once happy couple? Or understand that love never existed?
1. You don't want dates
When we are in love, we try to spend as much time as possible together, no matter if we go to a restaurant or just sit at home and watch a movie - the main thing is that together! If the thought that you will have to spend time alone with your husband (or he and his wife) seems sad to you and you are ready to do a lot to find reasons not to do so, this is a huge “red flag”. I have heard more than once from my friends that they would be glad to meet, but to their annoyance, they have to go somewhere with their husband. If "Evening with my husband"- this is a duty, not a pleasure, which means that the relationship is at an impasse.
2. Only you “work on the relationship
Let's say you talked with your partner and came to the conclusion that you need, but you cannot get rid of the feeling that for your husband these are empty words and he agreed only so that you fall behind. And as soon as you plan a consultation with a family psychologist, you prepare surprises to “revitalize the relationship” without getting anything in return or, even worse, getting favors. It is difficult to accept the fact that love has passed and that the marriage has broken up - many cannot and live like that, preserving the appearance. Relationships are the responsibility of two.
3. Lack of sex.
We understand that over the years the desire for sex with a partner may not be as keen as “as before”, but intimate relationships are intimate for that - they make people close. It is not for nothing that it is so difficult to forgive infidelity, and the betrayal of a partner is so painful and often leaves a wound for life. Of course, there are happy marriages without sex, but I don't believe in that. For me, this is a sign that love is gone.
4. You have a row in public
If you are one of those couples who are uncomfortable next to, because you constantly spite each other, humiliate and even make scandals by raising your voice, do not care at all about your reputation and the reputation of your husband, this is a sign that you are not love. If respect is lost (and shouting at a partner in public is a sign that there is no longer any talk of respect), then there is no love either. More than once I have met people who say that "jokes are our style", "we just talk like that" - it never ended well. Either a divorce or a terrible relationship. The negative feeds on the negative, so it is useless to wait for the good.
5. The reason for the scandals
You have been quarreling and brawling for years for the same reason, this becomes a habit and the problem is not solved in any way - this is a sign of an unhappy marriage. The constant toxic scandal that never fades away (one has only to start) and makes people more and more disunited, sooner or later will undermine the relationship completely. Especially when it comes to money, habits, parenting and relationships with parents- these are the most painful points in any relationship and if your views on this do not coincide, then it is better not to start a serious relationship. It's amazing what problems in life can be avoided if you give yourself the trouble to think before you decide to live together.
6. Life without him?
This is from my observations. Towards the end of my first marriage, I more and more often pictured life without my husband and it seemed to me much better than with him. Thoughts are irrational and they appear before we are aware of them.
I hope that you will not have a situation in your life when you feel that there is no more love ... Although, on the other hand, it is probably better to understand this as soon as possible and not pull the strap of a relationship without love.
Does love only live for three years? If you believe the theory described in his famous book "Love Lives for Three Years" by the famous French prose writer and publicist Frederic Beigbeder, falling in love is just a riot of certain hormones. And as soon as they stop acting on the brain, emotional dependence on a person evaporates. Romantics all over the world fundamentally disagree with this. They are ready to defend the longevity of love. According to psychologists, this feeling does not go away. It happens that it transforms into friendship, affection and even hatred. It all depends on how close people are and how they understand each other. How do you realize at what stage your relationship is and whether it has outlived its usefulness?
Sure Signs That Love Is Gone
Love doesn't end suddenly. This is a series of events that leads to the so-called point of no return - when a person realizes that there is no turning back and it is no longer possible to return old feelings. So, you can understand that your relationship has cracked by the following signs:
- You are annoyed by his demeanor, habits, or even appearance. Do you remember how Anna Karenina from the famous novel by Leo Tolstoy "Anna Karenina" suddenly drew attention to the fact that her husband's ears were very prominent? At that moment, she realized that she did not love him. Here, the first sign that love is gone is irritation.
- You feel comfortable alone. Before, you couldn't wait for the evening to see your loved one and talk to him. Nowadays, you prefer to spend time with your friends, do your personal business and spend your evenings at the computer. If everyone has their own interests and a separate life, closed from the other, then the relationship is at an impasse.
- There has been no intimacy between you for a long time. Sex is not yet an indicator of true and tender love, but its absence is a wake-up call. In a harmonious relationship, physical attraction is one of the most important things. When people are not attracted to each other, the emotional attraction ends. If you notice that you or your partner no longer craves intimacy, it is worth considering: is there any point in continuing this relationship?
- You feel disrespectful to each other. If at least once you have offended your partner and did not feel ashamed, then the line has been drawn. After that, scandals and stormy showdowns began to flare up in your house more and more often. Of course, some couples live like this for years and thus try to give a peppercorn to life together. But you don't need to be a psychologist to understand that humiliation of your partner is not love. Therefore, if hatred flared up in you, then remember how you previously felt for this person and show due respect.
- You no longer care about your future together. When a man and a woman fall in love, they cannot imagine life without each other. All their actions are aimed at being together for as long as possible. They do not feel like separate individuals, but as a whole. The moment the "I" overlaps the "we", the relationship deteriorates. If you are no longer consulting with your partner, making decisions on your own, then you should sound the alarm.
Challenges worth going through
Before breaking off a relationship, you should still think carefully: perhaps this is not the end of love, but a test of strength? After all, all couples go through crises and you need to part with your partner only when you are one hundred percent sure that there are no more feelings left between you.
The first serious test that almost all couples go through is the crisis of one year, the moment when the courtship period is over and a full-fledged life together has begun. People get to know each other better and do not hesitate to show their true colors. Often one of the partners cannot believe that a person has certain problems, complexes or habits. Due to the rejection of him for who he is, the relationship deteriorates and does not move to another level. At this moment, you need to decide for yourself: is it worth trying to get to know your lover more specifically or to break this connection? If the "grinding" to each other ended well, then the couple has a future.
At the same time, another problem may arise - fading passion. You no longer pounce on each other when you meet, and are not looking for a secluded corner for a lingering kiss, but are content with warm hugs and spending time together? This is not the end of love, but the beginning of a new - calmer and more pleasant - level of relationship.
In addition to these crises, there are other problems (difficulties at work, with family members, illness, lack of money) that test the relationship for strength. If you really love a person, you will support him in any situation and will not let his feelings fade away.
If you are sure that love has passed, then you should not waste time and energy on its reanimation. Thank this person for all the wonderful moments that he gave you, let go and go each his own way. The main thing to remember is that life goes on and, perhaps, Cupid is already preparing an arrow of love for you.
What to do when the relationship has faded? Advice from professional psychologist Andrey Kukharenko in the video below.
When you fall in love, you begin to experience an indescribable range of feelings: butterflies in your stomach, euphoria, rose-colored glasses. In a word, everything that can only fall on a happy head. But this anesthesia does not last forever: a maximum of six months. And then very often something goes wrong ...
What exactly? The enchantment over the object of love begins to dissipate and suddenly the realization comes that this is not the right person at all. It seems that you simply do not know him and do not recognize him. Falling in love also needs to be attentive. But if all of the above happened to you - check, maybe it's time to leave the boat of your relationship before you drown?
So, here are 17 signs that love has left your relationship.
1. You no longer make plans for the future.
Before, you could talk together about plans, what awaits both of you, the wedding, the home, the names for the unborn children, and what you will do in retirement. And now? Does your significant other often remember this at all? Or maybe you yourself subconsciously avoid this topic? This is a signal. A signal that you no longer need this person.
2. The sight of happy couples in love depresses you
When you're in a relationship but at the same time feeling lonely, the sight of someone else's happiness reminds you that you really only have yourself. The one whom you consider to be loved is not there. Rather, it exists, but only nominally.
3. "I love you" sounds less and less
Both you and your beloved avoid these words so as not to lie. In order not to take responsibility for what was said. Yes, you, apparently, do not feel this "love". And this is one of the clearest signs that the feeling has passed. But even if these words fly off the lips, nothing will tremble inside. This is sad.
4. Your communication has been reduced to zero
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5. Your relationship is built around a routine.
Getting up, brushing your teeth, kissing goodbye, coming home, having dinner together ... doesn't this remind you of robots? If you live together, you can clearly see these signs. Well, or even if you each live at your own home. Meeting from work / school, forced walk, minimum communication. Maybe gifts bring each other a little closer on holidays. Love, even in routine matters, manifests itself in a different way. Tenderness, smile, care. Do you understand?
6. In bed you only sleep
Well, you get the idea. When intimacy is already becoming a "brush your teeth", think about why you need this relationship? When a hug isn't warm, a kiss doesn't feel sweet. The feeling that you are chewing slippers instead of a sandwich. It tastes bad and looks stupid.
7. You nitpick
In the beginning, of course, he was wonderful in everything. Yes, later you began to notice some flaws in him. This is fine. Because you are a couple, not Siamese twins. But you didn’t cool down to it. And now everything about him annoys you - from the hairstyle to the smell of cologne and the manner of speaking. In general, everything. And at times, impotent apathy also rolls over. Is this not a sign that he is not at all what you need?
8. It is unpleasant for you to hear "I love you"
We have already figured out that you are silent about your love. But what if your half still likes it, and you start to jerk at the very thought of that recognition? You know, this is like a huge burden that your partner puts on your shoulders with every such phrase. Why? But because you cannot respond in kind.
9. You introduce yourself to someone else.
When you seriously think about another person, then you are not with your current partner. The mind and senses have "moved" and the past dwelling is empty.
10. You get tired of being together
Oh, this is just a golden sign! When you run home after a date and think, "Wow, finally," it's not a relationship, it's a job. In the worst sense of the word. When this is your person, he does not suck energy, but recharges you. I want to live, create, work. And when you think that it’s easier for you to be alone, this is such a subtle hint from above: “For you. Alone. Easier".
Friends, hobbies, family, work, pets, even this cream cake. But not him. You are waiting for your favorite movie or holidays, get-togethers with colleagues or shopping trip. And do not expect a meeting at all. This is a clear diagnosis: this person is not important to you.
12. Trust in the past
Love is trust, and suspicion, suspiciousness and jealousy are its absence. As a result, neither you believe him, nor tell him the truth.
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13. You see him as a friend
Friendship sometimes turns into love. But love, which has become friendship, does not return to its original state. And if you catch yourself treating him like a friend, that's a call. When all that is inherent in the relationship of lovers disappears, and good relations remain, it is friendship. Anyway.
14. You don't mend holes.
Not literally, of course. But remember this sign. Remember! Because problems happen in relationships, they get worse. But if this is love, if you value a person, then you will begin to heal wounds, patch up torn places. And if everything is left to chance, and you deliberately let everything take its course, then this relationship is deliberately doomed to failure.
15. Your future is not connected with him
Once he was in the first place in your plans, and you are on his too. Now you do not associate your own dreams with this person. If he was important to you, believe me, there would be a place. Certainly.
16. You are not with him for love
The reasons why you did not break up may be different: the reaction of friends or parents, a well-established life, a habit, a fear of loneliness. Anything but what should be.
17. You hurt his feelings all the time.
He said he loved you, and you just hugged him. He asked you out on a date, and you went to see friends. You are less and less interested in what is happening to him. This is also very, very significant. Think, are you there, where you need to and where you want to be?
