One of the common reasons spouses split up is sexual dissatisfaction. What to do if a man has become indifferent to sex, and how to return the old passion?
Constant psychological pressure and family squabbles over all sorts of trifles repel each other. Source: Flickr (Kelli_Seeger_Kim)
The husband does not want his wife: the importance of solving this problem
As a rule, a woman does not lose interest in sex with age, but men after 35 years of age do not strive for daily love pleasures. After several years of marriage, sexual interest can be lost for various reasons. Women begin to think that their husband has a mistress. Such a development of events is not excluded, but it is far from being in the first place. It is important not to ignore the problem, because the lack of sexual relations negatively affects the marriage bond: hidden grievances, omissions, tension between partners and mistrust appear. In this situation, a woman needs to show wisdom and patience, not to fall into a depressive state and not "nag" her husband for or without reason. What are the main reasons that psychologists single out why a man does not want a woman?
Why a husband doesn't want a wife: reasons
The fair sex mistakenly believes that a man does not want a woman for one or two reasons. In fact, there can be a huge number of reasons. It is necessary to consider not only psychological, but also physiological barriers.
If the husband has sharply lost interest in intimacy, then you should pay attention to his health. Physiological problems associated with decreased sexual desire:
- Hormonal disruption - a decrease in testosterone production is directly related to a decrease in sexual activity.
- Prostatitis is an inflammation of the prostate gland that requires medication.
- Chronic fatigue - if a man works very hard and practically does not rest, then it is quite natural that at home he just wants to relax, and not indulge in love pleasures.
- Diabetes mellitus or problems with the cardiovascular system.
- Age-related changes.
With regard to psychological aspects, the following factors should be considered:
- Stress at work
Negative emotions gradually build up and tension builds up. A negative emotional background will certainly affect family life.
- Domestic quarrels and troubles
Constant psychological pressure and family squabbles over all sorts of trifles repel each other. A man does not want to make love to a woman who is constantly unhappy with something. Psychologists say that in most cases, women are to blame for the fact that men do not want them.
- The difference in biorhythms and temperament
It is quite natural that the husband can get tired at work, so evening or night sex does not bring him pleasure, and in the morning the wife is not ready for lovemaking. Ladies cannot ignore the fact that men's temperaments are also different. For some, the norm is 5-6 sexual intercourses per month, while others enjoy the love process with pleasure every day or every other day.
- Monotony in bed
When love passions subside, and routine and scheduled sex come to replace, the unbridled attraction instantly disappears. The man gets bored, so he looks for a new source of thrill. Some representatives of the stronger sex go to work with their heads, others are actively involved in sports or find a hobby, and still others are a new object for sexual pleasures.
- Getting used to a partner
At the beginning of family life, women try to take care of themselves in order to please their beloved husband. Unfortunately, after the birth of a child, or just after a certain time, they stop caring for the body and face, put on terry robes and trampled slippers. The husband, on a subconscious level, does not perceive such a woman as a sexual partner.
- The appearance of the child
It happens that the husband does not want a wife after giving birth. What are the reasons for behaving this way?
Spouses are not always supportive of their husbands sexually, especially after the birth of a child. For a certain period of time, mommy literally does not leave her baby, not noticing the man. Deep in his soul, resentment arises in him, he feels superfluous at this celebration of life, fearing to break the family idyll called "mother and child." Therefore, some of them are afraid to even hint to their spouse about sex when the baby is in the house. Other representatives of the strong half of humanity cease to see a woman in the mother of the child. First of all, this is due to external changes: weight gain, stretch marks on the body, tired look. The woman becomes completely different from the girl he once loved passionately.
- Prolonged abstinence
Naturally, after repeated refusals, no self-respecting man will want to ask himself, risking once again being rejected.
Note! A woman's tactless behavior, inappropriate jokes about a partner's sexuality or refusal to intimacy give rise to self-doubt and internal resentment in the soul mate. This behavior is very hard on male pride.
No one knows your other half better than you, so listen to yourself, change your behavior and approach to sex. Source: Flickr (Bo_Abeille)
Psychologically, it is very difficult for a woman to realize the fact that her husband does not want to have sexual relations with her. Therefore, we have selected a few effective recommendations that will help to return the former passion to the relationship or not to take this state of affairs too sharply.
So what if your husband doesn't want you?
- Do not torment yourself with suspicions that your husband is cheating on you. Try to remember from when your intimate relationship became tense. He may just get very tired at work, trying to feed his family. If you know for sure that your spouse is cheating on you, then only you can decide the further fate of the marriage.
- Try to diversify your sex life. It will be great if you buy beautiful lingerie, learn an erotic dance or some new sexual positions. Your spouse will be very pleased if you offer him to have sex in a non-standard setting: invite him to a restaurant by booking a hotel room in advance.
- Take care of yourself. A spoiled figure can be easily corrected if you start to eat and exercise properly. Don't spare your clothes, wear sexy lingerie, wear tight house suits, not shapeless robes. Clean, neatly styled hair, delicate or catchy manicure, natural make-up are little tricks that will help you seduce a man. Even the most attractive appearance becomes boring over time, so change your image, experiment with hair and makeup.
- Enrich your inner world. The ability to maintain a conversation and outstanding thinking always attracts more than an external gloss.
- Involve your husband in raising children. Wives believe that husbands are not capable of caring for a child, so they take on all the household chores on their own. Remember, many men do not help because they are not asked to. You will have time for yourself if you allow your husband to take care of family life.
- Get more rest together. Being busy at work is exhausting not only you, but also a man. Try going on vacation together. Warm sand and gentle sun have a beneficial effect on libido.
Important! There is no universal way to resume sexual relations between husband and wife, but a lot depends on the woman. No one knows your other half better than you, so listen to yourself, change your behavior and approach to sex. You will be pleasantly surprised when your feelings begin to flare up with renewed vigor.
Life stories
A few life stories will help you look at your problem from a different angle.
Angelica, 28 years old
“I asked myself one question for a long time:“ Why doesn't my husband want me after giving birth? ” I talked with him about this, but did not receive a response. The psychologist advised not to get hung up on sex and just take care of my appearance, since I gained about 20 kg during pregnancy. I was pleasantly surprised that after losing weight, my husband began to show signs of attention again. It turned out that he just didn't like my legs and my big belly. Later he admitted that he could not say about it, as he was ashamed. I am very glad that now everything is fine with us. "
Victor, 42 years old
“I don’t want to sleep with my wife, as she constantly annoys me with far-fetched financial difficulties. I earn enough: every year we go on vacation, the child gets a good education, we do not prejudice ourselves in almost anything, but she is always unhappy. The constant grumbling and bad mood discourages me from having sex with her. I even thought about an affair on the side, but my conscience does not allow. I don’t recognize my loving wife! ”
Irina, 32 years old
“My husband and I have been married for 4 years. During this time, we did not have any serious quarrels, but recently began to notice that he is abstracting himself from sex with me. I wondered why my husband doesn't want me? I always take care of myself, everything is in order with the figure, there are no problems with money. It turned out that he just got bored. How did I understand this? I arranged for him several romantic evenings with incendiary dances, went on an extreme hike with him, changed her hair and became a little more persistent in bed. Now everything is just fine with us. "
Victoria, 45 years old
“I never thought that my husband would not be interested in love pleasures. In his youth, he did not give me rest, and now for months he does not even look at me. If the husband does not want a wife, then this does not bode well. I carefully talked to him on this topic, and he admitted that he himself does not know the real reason. We decided to go to the doctor together. It turned out that he had prostatitis, so he needed to be treated, not seduced with sexy lingerie. I am very glad that everything has cleared up. Now we are undergoing therapy. "
Maxim, 30 years old
“Recently my wife gave birth to a child. We have been waiting for this joyful event for a very long time, but now she devotes all her time only to the baby. She does not perceive any hints of sex, so I stopped even mentioning it. I am very glad that now we have a full-fledged family, but you need to pay attention to your husband at least from time to time, otherwise it can end up treason. "
Don't be indifferent to your significant other and don't forget that your senses need constant nourishment! The family is the greatest treasure that you need to be able to protect.
Related Videos
It is important for a woman to be loved and desired. Therefore, the cooling of passion on the part of a man is perceived as a disaster. “Why doesn't my husband want me? What can be done?" - these questions are haunted. The wife is offended, withdrawn and the relationship between the spouses becomes tense. So that the case does not turn into a desire to get a divorce, you need to take active steps. First of all - to understand the possible reasons.
Why a husband doesn't want a wife: the main reasons
There is no single algorithm by which it would be realistic to calculate the cause in each specific case - people differ in susceptibility, habits, character, hormonal levels and other factors. Therefore, it must be borne in mind that the reasons given below may not apply to all husbands. Most often, the cooling of sexual fervor is caused by:
Fatigue. This can include physical fatigue, when a man is able to think of bed only as a place of rest, and emotional - when he is overcome by restless thoughts.
Health problems. If lethargy does not go away for weeks, sleep becomes restless and problems with appetite appear, then the body is probably malfunctioning. Even if these are problems with joints or stomach - everything can cause apathy. It is enough to remember yourself - do you want to make love when something hurts? In addition, there may well be problems with direct male health.
Relationship problems. The representatives of the stronger sex also have feelings and emotions. Not all women take this into account. Harsh words, grievances, accumulated unresolved conflicts alienate people from each other in every sense. Firstly, the spouse himself will not be sure that sex is appropriate in this situation. Secondly, it may be difficult for him to forgive something and step over it for the sake of amorous pleasures.
The appearance of the beloved. "Appearance is not the main thing", "he loves me for my soul" - these opinions also have the right to life. But men love with their eyes, so in order to evoke desire, you need to get rid of the stretched robe, and be at least neat. And even better - take care of beautiful lingerie and figure.
Unhealthy attitudes towards sex in the family. "I for you - you for me" is a common formula of relationships in some families. And fundamentally wrong. Some ladies take advantage of the physical needs of the guys, extorting some things or behavior from them. “If you don’t buy it, I won’t give it to you,” “I won’t give it until you do it as I want” - because of such blackmail, men begin to perceive sex as something inevitably associated with trouble. And there is no desire to have trouble.
Hobbies. It may seem strange to some, but among the representatives of the stronger sex there are people who can even replace hobbies with sex. Usually this is what evokes strong emotions: jumping from a parachute or bungee, descending a mountain on a bicycle, or even a hot fight in a computer game. The burst of adrenaline causes the appearance of endorphins - hormones of pleasure.
Addicted to pornography. Porn has flooded the internet. Many do not see anything bad in it and in vain. Scientists from the National Organization for the Study of the Family have concluded that pornography causes perversion cravings and can deprive a person of the ability to enjoy ordinary intimate relationships in the family. This is also the opinion of experts in the field of behavioral sciences.
Treason. The first reason that comes to mind for women. And she, too, cannot be written off: when a man is cheating or is simply in love with another, a life partner does not cause strong emotions in him. But in this case, in addition to a decrease in sexual activity, there are other "signs": secrets, delays at work and on business, sometimes disconnected phone and so on.
Pregnancy and childbirth. This situation is worth discussing separately. Sometimes husbands refuse to have intimacy with a pregnant wife for fear of harming her or the child. And often with the birth of a child, these fears do not pass. On forums for pregnant women and young mothers, you can often find questions like: "My husband does not want to sleep with me, the child is already six months old." This is because the father of the baby perceives his beloved no longer as a wife, but as, first of all, a mother. Sometimes women themselves move away from life partners, spending absolutely all their time with the child: the spouses eat at different times, the mother goes to bed with the child early in the evening, and the young father remains bored.
What to do first
Do not panic or hysteria, do not say that he is all lying about fatigue. To find out why my husband does not want me will need calmness and patience. There is no need to start with scandals and accusations - this will only exacerbate the situation. Instead of categorical accusations, it is better to use phrases that speak of experiences: "I think ...", "I feel like ..." And end the thought with the question: "What do you think about this?"
When it comes to fatigue, the recipe is simple - give a person a break or wait until a busy week has passed. If fatigue persists, then offer to drink vitamins or go to the doctor.
You will probably need to reconsider your behavior in the family. Often people allow themselves to speak with family members less respectfully than with outsiders, arguing that they "must understand." No. Our loved ones deserve courtesy and the kindest words. And if the wrong behavior was admitted, it is worth apologizing - love is more precious than hurt pride.
You will need to step over laziness, fatigue and conceit and still take care of yourself: your figure, skin, hair and clothes. What speech can there be about desire, if a woman smells unpleasant, and she is dressed in a greasy robe - it's not even easy to hug this one.
Hobbies are a big part of a man's life. The ideal option is to share his joys with your husband and be near at this moment - so that euphoria is associated not only with some business, but also with your wife. It will not be superfluous to try to diversify your sex life - not only at home, on the couch, in your usual position, but also outdoors in a tent or somewhere else.
Overcoming an addiction to pornography is usually much more difficult. You may need the help of a psychologist who will explain how harmful this habit is and help him overcome it. Psychological help may also be required to get rid of fear of a pregnant wife.
In the case of cheating, you need to try to find out what is really going on. Someone decides to fight for a family, someone - to divorce. But it is unlikely that it will be possible to evoke a desire by force in order to surpass the rival.
If you focus on the thoughts “my husband doesn’t want me anymore,” then it’s easy to get bogged down in resentment and move away even more. There are several general concepts that will help to establish the intimate side of life:
It is important to remember that thoughts should be focused on what can be done if my husband does not want me, and not on his shortcomings.
The psychology of men differs from that of women, so it is not easy to understand and even more somehow influence it. Hence, the help of a specialist will be very helpful. Often doctors recommend focusing on the fact that first of all you need to love each other and show love in listening carefully, not rushing to take offense and discuss disagreements.
With this in mind, you can return the joy and pleasure of love to family life.
Alla, Moscow
In any marital relationship, it can happen that both spouses do not want intimacy from time to time. There can be a lot of reasons. It is important to know this, and not to blame everything on fading feelings and betrayal.
Although, if the situation is such that the question arises why the husband does not want a wife, here women's logic and imagination draws a variety of pictures. But it is worth, nevertheless, to try to find out the reason for such indifference, so as not to let the situation get out of control and help in time.
Residents of large cities are constantly under pressure. The fast pace of life, the instability of the economy, unpleasant situations at work do not have the best effect on well-being and health. Overwork and stress affect a man's libido lowering it.
Libido is strongly influenced by stress and life in a big city.
The man is depressed and upset, there is no time for amorous pleasures. Not everyone is able to switch over and completely relax. And it happens sometimes, there is simply no strength for other physical activity.
Another version of the reason why the husband does not want a wife is this is a “lover work”. Men who are passionately involved in the work process often sublimate their sexual energy in a different direction.
Their thoughts and desires are focused on what you love, especially when it comes to your own business. Reward and praise for a well-run business or project sometimes brings more pleasure and satisfaction for a man than sex.
Diseases affecting potency
Very often the answer to the question why a husband does not want a wife is the reason, which is a medical problem.
Possible diseases that provoke low libido:
- heart diseases;
- hormonal disorders;
- impotence.
Depression
The brain is a strong erogenous zone. Sexual arousal starts in the head and then it spreads to other organs. Depression can weaken desire and lead to erectile dysfunction.
When depressed, a man may refuse sex. Ironically, many drugs used to treat depression can also suppress sex drive and make erection difficult.
Depression is a severe mental disorder... It is a serious condition caused by changes in the cerebral cortex. It manifests itself in various forms and at different levels of intensity.
Men, women, rich and poor, adolescents and the elderly can all fall prey to this disease.
According to studies, 35 to 47% of people with depression have problems with their intimate life, 61% of people with severe depression have sexual problems, and up to 40% of people taking general antidepressants - decreased sexual satisfaction.
Depression has both emotional (lack of motivation, inability to make a decision, low self-esteem, guilt, irritability, anxiety, thoughts of suicide) and physical manifestations (changes in the menstrual cycle in women, sleep disturbances, various types of pain).
You should support your loved one if he feels bad Often, symptoms of depression are very difficult to recognize as they are similar to many other physical and psychological illnesses.
The situation is aggravated by the fact that many people are afraid to admit the problem and seek help from a specialist. Of course, such a disease can and should be treated. In this situation, the support of the spouse, open trusting relationships are very important.
Heart diseases
The emergence of an erection and its maintenance, above all, associated with the correct functioning of the cardiovascular system... With atherosclerosis, clogging of blood vessels occurs and this does not allow blood to flow to the male organ, thereby interfering with the process of excitation.
Venous disorders promote blood flow from the penis, which causes an unstable erection.
Hypertension and therapeutic actions aimed at lowering blood pressure can also negatively affect potency.
Hormonal Disorders
There is a concept of "male menopause" - andropause. Of course, men do not experience such strong and intense changes in the body as women. But still, people age and may experience less sex drive.
Sometimes andropause is the cause of decreased libido. The body produces low testosterone levels, which is a physiological result of the aging process and this leads to a loss of libido. Of course always there are medical options for solving this situation.
The pharmaceutical industry has in its arsenal a huge variety of pills and drugs that increase potency.
Impotence
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection of the penis sufficient for the sexual satisfaction of both partners.
There are many reasons why a man refuses intimacy. One of them is impotence Several decades ago it was believed that impotence is the lot of older men. Today, young people often face such ailment.
Arousal is a rather complex process in which blood vessels, cerebral cortex, nervous and muscular systems are involved.
A failure in one of the organs can lead to problems with potency. So delicate the problem can be detrimental to a man's self-esteem... And the situation is only getting worse.
The main physical The causes of erectile dysfunction are considered to be:
- Diabetes.
- High blood pressure, vascular problems.
- Overweight.
- Abuse of alcohol, tobacco, drugs, some sedatives.
- Side effects of some medications, including medicinal herbs.
- Injuries, operations.
- Prostate cancer.
- High cholesterol, etc.
Often, in young men, a symptom such as erectile dysfunction is episodic and associated with a psychological factor.
Among the psychological reasons are the following:
- Depression.
- Fatigue.
- Stress.
- Feelings of inferiority.
- Personal sexual fears, relationship problems.
Internet addiction as the main occupation of a man
Internet addiction - an obsessive desire to use the Internet for an unlimited amount of time, the inability to think about something else. This condition is similar to a pathological addiction to gambling.
Social media addiction affects male libido Some internet users may develop emotional attachments to friends and the activities they create on their computer screens.
Internet users can enjoy the capabilities of the networked web, which allow them to meet, socialize and exchange ideas through chat rooms, social networks or “virtual communities”. Other internet users spend endless hours blogging.
Internet addiction negatively affects personal, family, scientific, financial and professional relationships. As a result of excessive use of the Internet, the perception of real life is disrupted.
People with Internet addiction spend more time alone and communicate less with real people.
Those who suffer from internet addiction m they may try to hide the amount of time spent online, which leads to a breach of trust and understanding in a once stable relationship. An Internet-addicted man lives in a virtual world, can create fictional images. He may lose interest in sex in the real world.
Another problem for intimate relationships in marriage can be a man's addiction to viewing pornography. It is believed that watching adult films strengthens relationships, adds passion. But most experts agree that Excessive porn viewing becomes disastrous for relationships.
A man can get more satisfaction from watching a movie. than from your beloved wife. And in this case, the answer to the question why the husband does not want a wife will be the reason, consisting in the unjustified expectations that porn films create.
The reason for refusing intimacy is in the wife
Do not assume that for a man sex is just the satisfaction of his physiological needs. Sometimes men are more romantic and more emotional than women. And if the husband does not want a wife, it is worth considering whether the reason is in the wife herself.
Some men love romance as much as women. Tenderness, a feeling of spiritual closeness, trust, support are often very much needed by a man. If this is not the case, then he may lose the desire for physical intimacy.
Important to remember, how much praise, approval, gentle hugs and affectionate words are needed for a husband.
Resentment, quarrels, clarification of the relationship - not always a way to "kindle passion", but rather the opposite. That's why a man can withdraw into himself and to shirk the fulfillment of marital duty.
It so happens that wife after many years of marriage ceases to take care of herself, does not wear seductive underwear, giving preference to convenience and simplicity, turns into a home second “mommy”, enveloping her husband with excessive care.
These actions can also negatively affect the intimate life of the spouses. A woman just doesn't turn on a man. It must be remembered that a wife is first of all a sexual partner, and then a mother and a mistress.
Husband has a mistress
Remoteness, coldness, frequent quarrels, lack of intimacy for no apparent reason - that's possible signs that the man has another woman, or factors that may lead to this.
Men have mistresses for many reasons. Some want to diversify their sex life, to catch new sensations, others want to get what their wife does not give: understanding, approval, love, devotion. Third sure that a mistress is necessary to have"By status", etc.
Interesting fact, there are just men who are prone to cheating, and men who are not capable of it.
If thoughts arise as to why the husband does not want a wife, and the reason is in another woman, then it will be quite difficult to reanimate the relationship in this case. Very often, a mistress is not a reason for divorce for a man. And he can be satisfied with such relationships: wife - at home, mistress - on holidays.
Parental responsibilities and latent child jealousy as a reason for refusing sex
Some couples believe that having a child will only strengthen the marriage and will make their relationship more tender and reverent. But in practice, the opposite often happens.
Some men are jealous of a child. The birth of a child makes changes in the lifestyle, financial capabilities of a young family. At times it becomes a real test for new parents... Especially, the situation can be aggravated if a young mother is in postpartum depression.
The responsibilities become much more, the time for rest is much less. Personal needs become secondary. Conflicts, quarrels, disagreements arise. After giving birth, a woman's body may not look as attractive as it used to be.
Most young parents experience a loss of sexual intimacy. It can sometimes start during pregnancy because the couple felt uncomfortable in sex, or the expectant mother felt discomfort, or there were complications.
Often during pregnancy, you have to abstain from sexual intercourse Abstinence during pregnancy can lead to a long period of abstinence after the baby is born. Sometimes during childbirth, a woman breaks or she undergoes an episiotomy. It takes a significant amount of time to recover.
Newly minted fathers may feel deprived of female attention, since a woman spends most of her time caring for a newborn. In the face of the baby, they often see a competitor. As a result a man can withdraw into himself and become depressed... This is often the reason why the husband does not want intimacy with his wife.
What to do if the husband does not want a wife
The first thing to do is to recognize that there really is a problem. Communication is the key to solving a situation. It is important to have a delicate conversation and try to figure out the real reason why a husband does not want a wife. Based on this, you need to act accordingly.
If you have problems with potency, you should visit a doctor. If the problem lies in diseases, it is worth seeking help from a specialist. It is important to support your husband and, if possible, be with him in these moments. In the future, strictly follow the doctor's recommendations.
If the question arises why a husband does not want a wife, and the reason lies in constant stress and overwork, try to change your lifestyle. Walking on a fresh vacation, active sports, healthy eating - will help you feel more vigorous and healthy.
Sometimes just take a vacation and go on a trip, leaving your mobile phone and other equipment at home, and try to forget about business for a few days.
Sometimes you just need to relax together. Is the husband's internet addiction the reason for refusing sex? It is important that the man himself understands this and wants to change something. You can try to negotiate and set the time spent on the network.
A woman should try find common common interests, not related to internet networks and distract the man. Thus, the time spent together will increase, which can be successfully spent on lovemaking.
Young parents should take care of the baby together. Young parents should be more tolerant of each other. The responsibilities of caring for the child should be separated. Try to find time for each other. If possible, ask other relatives or close people to sit with the baby, and just be alone.
Things are much worse if the husband has a mistress. A man can be content with such a scenario for years.... And then the choice is up to the wife. Accept, try to save the relationship, or leave.
Sex Life Recovery Ideas
Sexual relationships in marriage are very important. Without them, married life becomes "insipid" and "tasteless" and can simply collapse. For the restoration of intimate relationships, a great responsibility lies with the woman.
A woman should remember that she is not only a housewife. As trite as it sounds, a man loves with his eyes. Therefore, a woman should not forget to take care of herself, dress up, and from time to time wear erotic lingerie. It is important for the husband to feel and understand that the wife is doing this exclusively for him.
Can start a prelude to sex long before sex. A passionate kiss on the lips goodbye instead of the cheek on duty, light stroking of intimate places while no one sees, SMS messages of a sexual nature throughout the day can kindle incredible passion in a man.
He will not be able to think about anything else, so enchanting sex in the evening is guaranteed.
After a hard day at work, you can give a man a light massage with elements of erotic. Gentle touching, stroking, and kissing can help you relax. A romantic candlelit dinner, watching erotic films together will awaken passion.
If sex has become boring and monotonous, maybe it's worth liberating yourself and experimenting? Do not be shy or afraid. You can talk and discuss your options with your husband.
It should be understood that sexual relations between spouses may have problems... But nothing is impossible for a loving couple. Patience, understanding, love and tenderness can overcome temporary difficulties and strengthen relationships.
This video will explain why a husband is losing interest in his wife:
This video will tell you what to do if your husband prefers a computer over being close to his wife:
Recently, quite often the representatives of the fair sex began to turn to psychologists with a sensitive question: “My husband does not want me. Does that mean he doesn't love it anymore? "
For a while, unwillingness to engage in an intimate relationship was considered a purely female problem. Meanwhile, the lack of sexual desire in men is a common natural phenomenon, which should not be scared.
the site will consider the main reasons for the lack of sexual desire in men and find ways out of this situation.
Intimate talk
If you notice that the man of your dreams has begun to show less attention to you sexually, try to talk to him, find out why he does not want sex. This must be done without scandals and tantrums, having calmly discussed everything. Perhaps you will find out what you did not know about.
There are two pitfalls to this conversation. Ask yourself questions:
- Are you ready to find out the truth about why a man does not want you? After all, this truth can drastically change life.
- Are you sure you don't like that your husband wants you less? In fact, the frequency of sexual intercourse, active sexual position is more imposed on us by modern society. We can be quite happy with infrequent sex or its temporary absence because at the moment the family is occupied with other things (a new job, a born baby, a new hobby that is so interesting that there is no thought of anything else), but, comparing ourselves with others , we easily suggest to ourselves: “Nightmare! It's all wrong with me! "
If you nevertheless made up your mind and had a conversation with your husband and identified some reasons, it is worth examining them in more detail.
Genetic issues and moral sacrifices
A man who has suffered from such problems always has difficulties in his sex life.
3% of men genetically have a weak sex constitution and low level of sexual activity ... Or, if a child's sexuality was suppressed, for example, by an overly strict, puritanical upbringing, or a child / teenager was forced to live in a same-sex environment for a long time, his sexual development is slowed down or develops in a homosexual direction.
Such men can have families, but experience difficulties of a physiological and psychological plan in sexual intercourse with a woman.
Output: household psychology does not solve such problems, so it is worth contacting a sex therapist and psychologist. In this case, maximum patience and participation is required from the wife.
Past illnesses
There are many different diseases (not only sexually transmitted diseases), the complications of which affect the sexual performance of a partner. Such diseases can even include the flu, which a man suffered in adolescence and only now noticed its complication. What can we say about recent illnesses.
Output: on suspicion of decreased libido don't ignore doctors. Persuade the man to see a specialist.
Mild neurosis
A heavy load of unresolved problems, anxiety about “will everything work out?”, The pressure of negative-minded people in especially impressionable and responsible men quickly complicates sexual activity.
Output: elimination of the traumatic factor.
Temporary difficulties
Sometimes sex drive in men disappears due to sublimation, i.e. channeling sexual energy into more needed activities. Unlike neurosis, here the man does not experience negativity.
Examples of such activities can be: urgent work, a new hobby, the opportunity to realize their dreams (for example, money appeared to build a house).
Output: at the end of the activity, sexual activity is getting better.
Age
It is known that with age it becomes difficult for a man to withstand the usual sexual stress. If the partner at this moment sets him high demands, the man will close, complexes will arise in him, he will avoid sexual contacts under any pretext.
Output: it is important for a woman to really relate to the state of affairs. Tears, reproaches will not improve the condition. If your man is already old, and it is difficult for him to fulfill marital duties, discuss this moment with him, discuss the possibilities of using other methods of stimulation, which you will both sympathize with.
Family life crisis, unsatisfied sexual fantasies
If a man is uncomfortable with his wife, he is experiencing a crisis in family life, a rethinking of many values has begun, or sex with his wife has become monotonous (in the same position, on the same sofa, on old faded linen), many sexual fantasies have not come true in reality, the number of intercourse is also decreasing.
Output: do not forget to communicate with the man. It seems to you that you have known him for ages and can predict any desire. But this is a delusion.
My husband doesn't want me: what to do? / shutterstock.com
Many men are embarrassed or do not consider it necessary to talk about their mental anguish, taking such behavior for weakness, because "men do not cry." Meanwhile, silence is destructive and quickly destroys a partnership.
Ask the man what he dreams of, what he wants to achieve, what he likes / dislikes in his life. Be his psychologist and faithful friend. Do not forget to talk about sex, ask what he would like, what he especially liked before and is absent now, whether it can be repeated.
Remember to support your married life as actively as you once worked to develop your relationship. Sex is not a conservative harmony that stands in one place, but a constant dialogue between two lovers.
Communication on the side
If a man who usually initiates sex suddenly becomes cold towards you, he probably has a passion on the side. It is difficult to constantly and efficiently work on two fronts, to satisfy the wife and mistress.
The main symptoms of such a connection may be groundless irritability towards you, ignoring your desires (especially in bed), avoiding frank conversations, “guilty gifts”.
Output: if you are not afraid to find out the truth, it is worth talking to a man. Find out what the reason is: perhaps the "new relationship" is just a salvation from the above problems, and perhaps true love. What does he want to achieve? And in accordance with this, decide whether you want to continue the relationship with him or not.
The man does not know the problem, he cannot decide on the conclusion in any way
Sometimes it happens. None of us can be an accurate expert on ourselves. If you have not found a reason, you should not postpone the matter on the back burner. Also, this advice will be useful to those women whose men do not want to make contact.
Output:
1. Go with a man for a physical
If he resists, go through a medical examination together, tell him that you care about the health of your family .. Operate with the fact that doctors recommend to undergo a medical examination once a year. So you can exclude or identify hidden or overt diseases, sexual dysfunctions men will also recognize his general condition.
2. Visit a psychologist
If a man does not avoid visiting a specialist, this is a good sign. Two heads are good, but three are better. Psycholo d will help you get to know both yourself and each other better. If a man protests against going to a specialist, you can go alone. In any case, this option will be more advantageous than just “go with the flow”.
3. Work on self-esteem
When the reason is not found out, you want to come up with anything you like, even suggesting to yourself that you are no longer interesting to him. That you have gained weight or, conversely, have lost a lot of weight, that you have wrinkles or you put on glasses, that cooking, cleaning is worse, your hairdresser has unsuccessfully cut your hair, etc.
It's so easy and so dangerous to blame yourself for everything. In fact, the years go by, and your man does not get younger over the years either. Don't underestimate your self-esteem. When taking care of his physical and mental health, do not forget about yourself.
Arrange for yourself holidays. Want to buy sexy lingerie (even if the husband is not interested in it) - buy it, it will come in handy. If you want to try a new haircut - take risks, men love brave women. You decide whether to start collecting porcelain dolls? Why not indulge yourself right now? Have money for a spa? Go there if you really want to - then you can. After all, you are at home alone.
Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist
