In psychology, humility is understood as a moral quality, which shows the attitude of a person towards himself and others. She is not inherent in arrogance, bragging, and with others she behaves the same with everyone, even if there is reason for pride. The basis of this quality is positive, but there are negative examples of modesty.
What is humility
Let's take a closer look at the concept of modesty. The term "humble" has existed in our language since the 17th century. It means humble, moderate, meek, and undemanding. This is someone who does not put his own personality above others.
Modesty due to cowardice or lack of confidence in one's own strength is a problem of the personality itself. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl may be left alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
Modesty and shyness
Most of the qualities that are inherent in a person, a person acquires in infancy, and some before birth. Analyzes of scientists say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also catch the thoughts of the mother. If the baby feels that he is desired, then in the future he will grow up self-confident. If, during pregnancy, the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance of growing up as a man without and.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Manifestation of disbelief in oneself, fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Modesty is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. The man knows his own strengths but does not flaunt them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an adornment.
So after all, is modesty an adornment of a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each personality is undeniable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, set of habits in each are unique.
We are similar to each other, but different, like snowflakes, fingerprints. For one, something is good, but for another - the opposite. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain humble or, on the contrary, to do everything for show.
Probably, everyone will remember a situation in life when the insolent behavior of another person humiliated or offended, caused indignation. This behavior creates negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, looks down. Or a man who gives way, gives his hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous terms. You can remain a humble person, but confident. And it is precisely these individuals who are able to achieve what they want.
Modesty in religion
Everything religious movements urge people to be simple, humble, to do with little. The desire for pleasure, in any form, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that the rejection of such pleasures will cleanse the body and soul, bring one closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious sense is pride. This is a sin, because it does not allow a person to show forgiveness, compassion, and humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. V this action the importance is hidden, which is invisible at once. Here is hidden not only the meaning of rejection of superiority, but also the mystery of the purification of the soul.
The pros of modesty
Consider the pros and cons of being humble. Let's start on the positive side.
Usually, modesty is inherent in girls because this quality is inherent in them, it is a decisive factor in creating character. Modest girls at all times have been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, education. From childhood in schools, girls were taught the rules, etiquette, good manners. Initially, they were taught modesty.
V present time modesty has no such high value, but also did not go unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people, they are not rude, they do not offend people. At the same time, we are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others, they keep a certain distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he gladly fulfills your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest personalities rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip, and there are no rumors about them. If you do not like being in the center of the company, an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
Cons of modesty
But not everyone is convinced that modesty is a positive personality trait. Some consider this trait to be the reason for failure, because modesty is the main disadvantage of a modern person.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble individuals? Nothing. None of famous people cannot be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required to conquer heights and prosperity. But this is not the whole list of cons. Modesty causes failure on the personal front.
According to statistics, most of men prefers just modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty interests the representative of the stronger sex only at the beginning, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of relations, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the weaker sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, a girl is able to lose her chance, to be alone. This quality acts as a hindrance not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving upward, when you do all the work for yourself, your colleagues and do not try to get a pay rise, becomes impossible.
Modest individuals never want leadership. They have enough of what they have, they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that the arguments against modesty are enough to force you to reconsider your own attitude towards this trait. Modesty gains negative traits, if:
demonstrated for show. This approach is often used by insecure people. Anyone who demonstrates their own shyness and modesty gets praise. Such actions are called false humility;
natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often, excessive modesty and self-doubt become a real problem. They do not allow the personality to develop.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychology is sure, can be the following factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a shyness gene. From the moment it was born, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system;
upbringing. The wrong approach to education and the lack of communication skills become constraining for a person, they make him become overly shy;
childhood trauma. Due to the shock that the person experienced in early age, many qualities are capable of suffering, therefore modesty is not an exception.
How to get rid of shyness
There are several answers to the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves character building, training and special classes. Another is seeking support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
If you want to do something or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid.
Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with fellow practitioners, classmates, coworkers or friends. Remember in childhood humility does not impede communication.
Stop berating yourself for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what worked well. Think about how to fix what fails.
Use the “casual acquaintance” training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with completely strangers.
If the listed methods do not save, then you need to seek a professional psychological help... The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic tests, and, if necessary, develop an action plan, tell you how to overcome modesty.
But fight it personal quality is required only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is a person's adornment.
April 1, 2014- Modesty gives freedom - from self-confidence and vanity.
- Modesty makes it possible - to learn from the people around you, adopting their best qualities.
- Modesty provides independence - from unnecessary comfort and luxury.
- Modesty provides an incentive to do more; a humble person believes that before people appreciate him as a person, he must achieve results in his business.
Modesty in everyday life
- Hearing. A person who loves and knows how to listen to the interlocutor with sincere interest is modest.
- Concessions. Yielding in ordinary everyday situations, a person shows modesty and respect for others.
- Charity. A person who does charity and does not advertise it demonstrates a number of virtues; humility is one of them.
- Family education. By fostering in the child a sincere interest in the people around him, and suppressing the manifestations of selfishness, parents educate him in modesty.
How to achieve humility
- Modesty is in many ways a result of upbringing and a result. inner work man above himself. Modesty is controlled by a person, and it can be cultivated in oneself, avoiding vanity in every possible way.
- Relations with family. By showing respect and reverence for elders, interest in peers and care for the younger, a person develops modesty in himself.
- Interest in the people around you. A modest person is genuinely interested in those around him; each of them has a lot to learn. Being interested in people and not sticking out his own "I" a person learns modesty.
- Helping those in need. By helping those who need it, and not expecting a return in the form of glory, a person shows modesty.
- Forbearance to mistakes. A modest person does not boast of being educated and does not point out to others about their miscalculations; whether it is ignorance of any literary quotation or the wrong choice cutlery for eating fish.
Golden mean
Vanity, Arrogance | complete lack of modesty
Modesty
Self-deprecation | elevated to absolute modesty, the other side of pride
Winged expressions about modesty
Excessive modesty is nothing more than hidden pride. - A. Chenier - In 1969 I published a small book about modesty. This groundbreaking work, as far as I know, has remained unsurpassed. - Lord Longford - One must beware of bringing modesty to the point of humiliation. - A. Bakikhanov - Achieve modesty if you want to achieve wisdom. Increase modesty if you have already attained wisdom. - E.P. HPB - Be humble is the kind of pride that annoys others the least. - Jules Renard - Rev. Macarius of Optina / Letters of the Monk Macarius of Optina. About humility, self-reproach and patience of sorrows The venerable Optina elder Macarius was an example of special modesty and humility during his lifetime. And his letters to the laity are imbued with the same spirit of acquiring true Christian virtues. Fedor Dostoevsky / Poor people Dostoevsky's novel "Poor People" is interesting not so much for its social pathos, as for the vivid image of the modest official Makar Devushkin, which the author managed to reveal in all the glory and nobility of his soul, using the form of the hero's correspondence with his beloved.Personality, which is expressed in the fact that a person comes into a state of extreme awkwardness from some events in life. Salient features Modesty is a person's strong anxiety about what other people think of her. Such a person, more often than not, avoids talking about himself or does it very little. In a conversation with him, one gets the impression that he puts the needs and needs of the interlocutor much higher than his own. We can say that this person cares excessively about others, about what opinion is formed about him from the outside.
There is such a thing as false modesty. They talk about it when anxious feelings prevent a person from leading a fulfilling life. Excessive modesty can seriously harm a person. Missed opportunities, constant stress, loss of interest in your favorite activities are the main consequences. That is why it is so important to learn to separate all kinds of fears from your own personality, to allow your inner content to manifest in the outer world.
Reasons for modesty
Modesty has its roots in childhood. If the child is constantly pulled back, not allowed to make his dreams come true, scolded for the manifestation of a bright individuality, then he will not form the habit of realizing his goals. But it is so important in our life to be able to express our desires, to know what you want to achieve as a result of certain efforts. A modest person is unlikely to allow himself to somehow stand out from the crowd, and this is extremely necessary if we are talking about a mature, established personality.
You should never interfere with the child's new beginnings, tell him that nothing will come of a new venture or idea. Children are extremely sensitive to various comments, therefore, choosing words should be done with caution and common sense.
Personality trait - modesty
What is a humble person? Probably, he often lowers his eyes, hesitates in front of strangers to pronounce superfluous word, estimates his own capabilities very low. In fact, such an attitude towards oneself cannot be called adequate, because it does not take into account individual abilities and the talents that each of us undoubtedly possesses.
You need to understand that modesty blocks a person's capabilities, forces him to keep prospects in himself. The people around you, of course, feel comfortable being around a modest person. He does not cause inconvenience, does not bother with questions, as a rule, he is very delicate in communication. But you need to understand that modesty harms the personality itself, does not allow it to be itself, to develop its own capabilities. Such behavior can lead to very sad results, when talents and abilities are hidden inside and do not find a way out into the world.
A woman's modesty
At all times, female modesty was considered synonymous with humility and light character. It is believed that natural delicacy, unwillingness to interfere in the lives of others, is characteristic of the fairer sex. There is a widespread belief that modesty adorns a woman to one degree or another. She becomes soft, pliable, pleasant, will not reread anyone. Meanwhile, not all women who express obvious modesty in communication really agree with everything that others say. It's just that these women, for one reason or another, have intense fear to be misunderstood and offended. They do their best to hide their own position, so that, looking at them, it is sometimes impossible to imagine what they really think. Modest women, as a rule, underestimate themselves, and therefore are often forced to play other people's roles in society.
How can you overcome modesty?
Those who want to get rid of the habit of living by the needs and desires of other people need to readjust their own perception of reality. It is important to learn to look at things differently, at life around. It should be remembered that excessive modesty and shyness always harm the development of the individual. In other words, we can say that humility is synonymous with self-doubt ( read article about). Below are the useful tips to help minimize display of modesty.
So humility is not so much natural quality person, how much habit to act and behave in society in a certain way. Of course, it needs correction, so that the person begins to realize his own value and significance.
Modesty suits everyone; A modest person does not evaluate his own merits (Dahl's Dictionary). Modesty in communication is expressed in the absence of boasting, swagger, restraint in expressions, judgments, in rare requests, and requests should be of a moderate nature. To pleasant or flattering words, you also need to respond culturally and, accordingly, if you can, then unconventionally. So, an enthusiastic statement about the qualities of your mind, your soul can be answered with the words of a character from a French film: “Thank you. The compliment, though undeserved, is pleasant. " It can be simpler: “I'm afraid that it just seemed to you”, “I don’t know how true it is”, “What a pity it’s not true!”, “This is, of course, an exaggeration!” “It's hard for me to believe it”, “I wish it were as you said!”. Any response to praise must be modest.
If speeches are made in your honor on the occasion of a birthday, etc., then, taking the floor after all the greetings, thank everyone at once for the kind and warm words, hint that you are hardly worthy of all the praises sounded ("ritual" moment of modesty) and be sure to say something pleasant about the audience: that you are glad to see them all on this important day for you, that with their presence they made it unique, unforgettable, and you happy, etc.
Do you want to be well spoken about? Do not say good about yourself (B. Pascal).
Modesty
from chrome "border", cf. edge; literally meant "limitation") - moderation in all desires, meekness and unpretentiousness in relation to oneself, lack of arrogance, impudence. Possible manifestation- quiet voice, restrained body movements, sitting on the edge of a chair. The typical reaction is positive.
Modesty in general is the fear that we will not please others, and blushing for our imperfection (H. Ellis, Studies in Sexual Psychology).
Modesty is a sign of sexual emotion, an expression of a female sexual erotic impulse (ibid.).
V Ancient Greece out of modesty, some women washed themselves in their clothes. In Western European painting, modesty was portrayed as a young woman, dressed in white and covered with a veil, without any. jewelry other than your hair; her eyes are fixed on the ground, and her clothes cover her entirely. Wed shyness, shyness.
by The Wild Mistress's NotesTrying to understand this concept, I looked into dictionaries and encyclopedias. There she read that meekness is synonymous with modesty, which means: irresponsibility, resignation, good nature, peacefulness, gentleness, humility, modesty, humility, patience, compliance, spinelessness. To be honest, I somehow did not like this definition, and I decided to ask my friends and acquaintances what modesty is in their opinion. The answers were striking in variety. I tried to systematize them, and this is what happened:
1. Modesty - awareness of the rights of others and an adequate attitude towards them.
2. Modesty - living in harmony with your desires and capabilities.
3. Modesty is a way to learn from others what we really are.
4. Modesty - inner purity and chastity, as well as the ability to keep and protect this purity
And the list goes on. As usual: how many people - so many opinions. The truth is that almost everyone was unanimous in one thing - that modesty is CONVENIENT for others, but not always pleasant for the person himself, who does not know how to defend his interests, or because of some internal constraining factors who decided not to do it.
It all starts in childhood. "He's so humble!" - we hear the opinion of parents or teachers about some quiet boy and good boy, and we have a false idea of this category of morality. Most often this means politeness and good breeding, the ability to behave. And silence, which may well feed on some kind of complexes, timidity and indecision.
With age, children's complexes, the unwillingness to ask questions so as not to seem stupid, the inability to speak publicly, the desire to get lost in the crowd so as not to get into the spotlight, intensify, which, subsequently, can seriously complicate life. establish contact with loved ones, close in their own difficulties. This has nothing to do with modesty, and, often, the help of a psychologist is required here.
Modesty and shyness are different concepts, although they often accompany each other. Shyness, in fact, often does a "disservice", for example, in a job interview, when you are not able to clearly, without unnecessary ambition, but confidently tell about yourself.
And someone, just more high-spirited, active, although clearly inferior to you in qualifications, managed to "present the goods with his face" and intercept a good place... A more determined friend took the girl away from under her nose because you didn't have the courage to explain to her. And there are a lot of such situations. Where is the line between modesty, which, as they say, suits everyone, and indecisive shyness that complicates our life? Here, at work, an active colleague skillfully presents the results. common work so that the promotion is given to him and not to you. And the prize is more often received by those who are in sight. Maybe from modesty some problems? And is it worth the envy of the impudence and impudence, which, according to many proverbs, is "the second happiness"?
Modesty in the best sense of the word is a rare quality these days. And this is not surprising. Instinctively, we think of ourselves first. We are more concerned with our own personal interests than with the interests of others. But we often lack determination or strength to defend them. It turns out that excessive shyness, lack of initiative - these are indicators of our statement? Some kind of anticipation of a "strong hand" that will lead us through life?
Or maybe modesty is respect for someone else's envy? Well, in order not to awaken the worst qualities in people, not to push out their own merits and good luck? Maybe this is the ability not to put pressure on the interlocutor with your merits? That is, to clearly recognize the edge of what is permissible and respect each person's personality? Then modesty is a grown self-awareness, a sense of dignity and self-sufficiency, which comes with knowing oneself and more life experience when a system of values is clearly formed.
In any case, even without realizing clear criteria, we subconsciously strive for communication with modest people, because we experience spiritual comfort and tranquility next to them, which is so valuable in our volatile world.
