Often family relationships cease to seem prosperous, and gradually life turns into a war zone. Often conflict arises between a child and parents. A son hates his mother, or a daughter - a similar situation can appear in almost any home. And quite often it is not accompanied by serious quarrels. It appears for no apparent reason, just out of nowhere. But the opposite situations are also possible, when a child grows up in unfavorable conditions and is constantly exposed to attacks from adults.
Regardless of living conditions, parents who are addressed with angry phrases of hatred do not experience the most rosy emotions. After all, adults usually not only repeat, but also believe that they live for the sake of their children. In their opinion, they did not deserve such treatment. Or did they deserve it? Why do children hate their mother? There are a variety of reasons. And some of them will be described in the review.
Difficulties of growing up
This kind of behavior from teenagers is scary. And what’s even worse is that children often not only utter such a phrase, but also believe in it. And subsequently they begin to act as if they sincerely hate you. At the same time, relationships in the family can be quite peaceful, normal, when the parents are completely sane and try to find a relationship with their children.
A mother hates her daughter (or son) - this is familiar to many. Usually, such a situation is attributed to the difficulties that are characteristic of adolescence, when a teenager begins to grow up, tries to find his place, to understand existence. At the same time, the child’s conclusions usually do not coincide with the opinions of the older generation, which is why misunderstandings arise, and then conflicts arise.
Main reasons
In some situations, adolescence goes smoothly. However, situations when life turns into a nightmare also arise quite often. What are the reasons for this behavior of a teenager?
- It’s an incomplete family, it’s hard for one mother to cope, so she begins to take her anger out on the child, for which she gets it in return.
- What other reasons can cause the phrase: “I hate my mother”? Let's say the family is complete. However, parents may hate each other, which negatively affects the child himself.
- The phrase can be caused by a total lie when the parents have a relationship on the side.
- Hatred often appears if there are several children in a family, and some are loved more and others less.
- What kind of mother do they hate? A child may feel a feeling of hatred towards that mother who does not pay attention to him at all, does not care and does not support him in difficult moments.
The above reasons are the most striking. They demonstrate that not everything in the family is as smooth as we would like. Children sense such situations on a subconscious level, which is why they begin to utter phrases such as “I hate my mother.”
However, problems can be solved by correcting the situation. But first of all, one of the adults should want this. It is enough to simply accept that troubles do occur and find an experienced specialist who is able to normalize family relationships.
When aggression appears out of the blue
Problems can arise without any reason. For example, the situation in the family is normal, but the teenager still loses his temper. Why do situations like this arise? Never forget that a child's behavior is just a symptom. It signals that there is some kind of problem even if at first glance everything is fine.
In such a situation, psychological help is needed primarily for the parents, and not for the child. Only a specialist will be able to find problems and eliminate them painlessly for all family members. Otherwise, the child will simply be driven to a nervous breakdown.
Miseducation
There is a possibility that certain mistakes in upbringing can lead to the phrase: “I hate my mother.” Naturally, there are quite a lot of them; it’s not worth listing them all. However, most mistakes quite often come down to an excessive number of restrictions and various prohibitions on the part of the older generation.
Perhaps parents planned the lives of their children minute by minute, not allowing them to deviate from the plan. At the same time, they think that they are doing the right thing, bringing only benefit. However, teenagers begin to feel that they are trapped and they no longer have enough freedom. They can break down, come to terms with such a circumstance, accept the rules of the game, or they can show aggression.
It should also be noted that the reaction to prohibitions may not appear immediately, but will certainly appear when anger accumulates and strength appears that is enough to resist the parents. And then the question will begin to arise: why does the adult son hate his mother? Or the daughter will not have the best feelings for her parents when she grows up.
Reasons for excessive guardianship
A daughter or son hates their mother... A similar situation can be the result of overprotection. How to communicate with children so that there is neither excessive guardianship nor permissiveness? First, it’s worth talking about why many parents seek to take care of their child.
Firstly, there may be beliefs that upbringing should be strict. Otherwise, the child will simply slide downhill. And the higher the severity, the stronger the love from the parents. And this means that the child will be happy. But such a point of view rarely leads to positive results.
Secondly, parents may be afraid that their children will definitely make a lot of mistakes. This reason is similar to the first one, but less global. If in the first case the parents are frightened by the unfortunate fate of the teenager, then in the second they are simply worried that he will catch a cold or get a bad grade.
Thirdly, parents may stop feeling needed if they stop controlling their children. And if the child is independent, then it turns out that they are living in vain? But, again, this opinion is erroneous.
Mother hates daughter? Psychology admits that this is due to one of the above reasons, which is not able to establish a good atmosphere in the family. But it may well lead to even more serious conflicts. You need to figure out what to do in such situations, how to behave.
The desire to be needed
Does the son hate his mother? Psychology admits that the reason for this is the desire to “be needed” by your child. Such a desire signals that there is a complex of lack of demand, and most importantly, dislike of oneself for this on the part of the parents.
In such a situation, thoughts begin to appear that if no one needs me, then I exist in vain. Instead of rejoicing at the successes and independence of their children, parents begin to be offended and form more and more new prohibitions. It is because of this that conflict situations often arise.
Many parents believe that if they do not control their child, he will definitely start making mistakes. On the one hand, this point of view is absolutely correct. However, it is worth understanding that the child will commit them in any case. Otherwise it is impossible. To learn not to do stupid things, a teenager must first do them and remain dissatisfied with the results obtained.
An adequate approach to prohibitions
Does the teenager hate his mother? To prevent such situations from arising, you need to immediately figure out where prohibitions are needed and where they are not. For example, you can allow someone to experiment with cooking if there is nothing toxic in the kitchen. You can also repair your bike. But you shouldn’t mess with the outlet, it’s dangerous.
You need to understand that you can achieve something worthwhile only through your own experience. And for the child to acquire it, parents should not constantly interfere with advice and recommendations. It is enough to simply determine what is dangerous and what is not. And if in the first case control is necessary, then the child is able to figure it out on his own with the second.
The child faces an unenviable fate
Where does the fear arise that the fate of a child without constant supervision will necessarily be bad? The causes of fear are usually the same for all parents. If there is a girl in the family, then early pregnancy, drugs and prostitution await her. The boy will definitely get involved in crime, start fighting constantly and also take drugs.
In such a situation, the question arises whether control will help avoid similar fates. It is impossible to answer it unequivocally. In some situations this saves, but in others, on the contrary, it pushes everything bad. No wonder they say that
What does strict upbringing lead to?
Overprotection can cause another serious danger. The child will simply get used to being controlled, constantly pulled back and forbidden. Over time, he will stop paying attention to the words of his parents. Accordingly, this will lead to the fact that he will begin to violate everything that is possible, without particularly understanding the situation. And in this he will be guided by two principles. Either parents will step in and protect you, save you from problems, or they will punish you anyway, so why not do it.
In such a situation, he will follow instructions from his parents exactly the opposite. For example, if he was told that he cannot walk without a scarf in winter, he will definitely try to go outside without it. And if she doesn’t get sick, and no problems arise because of this, then other parental prohibitions do not carry any meaning.
It may seem that not wearing a scarf and drugs are too far apart. But in the child’s psyche they stand next to each other, since, according to parental rules, almost everything is prohibited. Accordingly, in such a situation, reasonable boundaries cease to be developed. And that is why I so want to break the prohibitions.
Is it empty?
What to do if a daughter hates her mother? Or maybe the son has negative feelings towards his parents? Outbursts of aggression can appear out of nowhere, when prohibitions with restrictions are reasonable and few in number, and peace and order reign in the family. Such situations, although rare, do happen.
It is necessary to understand that sooner or later the child will go out into the big world and try to take a certain place in it in order to avoid encounters with difficulties. After all, problems with peers can be quite painful.
In such a situation, children will begin to take their anger out on their parents, since it is impossible to conflict with classmates, and you can run into even bigger problems. And the parents obviously will not respond in kind. And loving mothers are not at all capable of showing negative emotions towards their children. Such situations are offensive and wrong, but they happen.
However, it is not worth saying that parents are completely innocent in such situations. Firstly, the child subconsciously understands that the cause of many problems in relationships with classmates is the result of upbringing. And secondly, allowing rudeness towards yourself, you can one day hear the phrase: “I hate my mother.” Such situations are paradoxical, but they happen.
In families where it is customary to treat each other with respect, there is usually no reason for such phrases. Often this only happens if the mother initially put herself in the position of “servant”.
Problem solving
I hate my mother, what should I do? To cope with such manifestations of aggression, it is necessary to change your position. But this is not so simple, since you need to work on yourself, reconsider your principles and your own behavior. Moreover, both adults and children will have to change.
On the other hand, children's emotions need an outlet. Therefore, it is not recommended to attach much importance to negative manifestations. But this is only allowed if there is an opportunity to talk, discuss what happened, and find out about the true reasons. This situation is ideal because both the parents will calm down and the child will become aware of his feelings.
Finding a way out of the situation
What to do if a child hates his mother? Regardless of the difference in character, bad relationships, it is almost impossible to stop loving your mother. However, due to conflicts and constant quarrels, life turns into a nightmare. For this reason, we must try to find a way out of the situation.
The most important thing is not to forget that the mother will not cause pain or spoil life on purpose, just because she wants it. She just thinks that everything she does is beneficial, and in the future you will thank her for it.
Below are some tips that will help you deal with the situation and resolve the conflict.
- We just need to have a heart-to-heart talk. Try to convey to her that you value care, are grateful for the help provided, but you need something completely different, you want to achieve other goals than those that your mother sets for you.
- Under no circumstances should you lash out or say bad words. Such behavior will only make the situation worse. And this will only make it more painful and offensive for mom.
- If you are an independent person and do not want to be constantly influenced by your parents, find a way to prove it. Start earning money and living separately. In such a situation, it will be possible to avoid constant control from parents and acquire personal space. And you can spend your free time at your own discretion.
- Perhaps mom considers herself lonely? Make her feel needed, help her find the meaning of life. Perhaps she just needs a friend with whom she can walk and talk about pressing matters. Maybe I can find her a hobby. The main thing is that there is as little room as possible for negative emotions in her life.
What should parents do?
Firstly, you cannot command your children all the time, constantly demand something from them, put psychological pressure on them. It is best to try to find a compromise, come to an agreement with each other, and listen carefully to the child’s opinion. Naturally, he will agree with your point of view, but he will still harbor a grudge inside, which will certainly make itself felt later.
Secondly, do not forget that children have their own lives. You need to be interested in her. Don’t avoid communicating with your child, find out about his experiences and help with advice. There should be no ridicule, even if the problems seem trivial and stupid. For children, all their troubles look like a global crisis. Therefore, they need help and support. And if all this does not happen, then they will not experience positive emotions towards their parents.
Thirdly, you need to try to find a common language with the child, become a friend for him, accepting all the shortcomings and advantages. Parents just have to feel themselves in the body of a teenager. By feeling all the grievances you experience and re-evaluating difficult situations, you can form a wonderful relationship. But don’t forget that you need to constantly work to maintain relationships.
Conclusion
Does the mother hate the daughter or the son? You should not treat such an event as a tragedy. This is just an indicator that there are problems in the relationship, and we need to deal with them and look for a way out of the situation.
Remember that there are two settings - children's and adults. In the first case, parents get scared and offended. And this only aggravates the current situation. In the second case, parents try to deal with the problem. Which setting is closest to you? But we can say with confidence that if the problem is not solved, then more than once we will have to hear the phrase: “I hate my own mother!”
Hello! Tell me, please, what could be the reason for the fact that a person first of all pays attention to the negative aspects of life? The fact is that my mother constantly complains to everyone about me, then about my dad (her husband), then about my MCH. My mother especially often complains to my grandmother, her mother, and her friend. But the fact is that mom only talks about the bad, mom doesn’t talk about the good.
My mother especially often complains about my boyfriend and his behavior. Of course, it is not perfect; for example, he often stays at our house for a long time, but not overnight. So, my mother told me after his visit: “Don’t you think that (name) has registered with us? It’s not us who are with him, but he who will register with us.” The fact is that MCH invited my mother and I to register and live with him. “Come on, I’ll bring the man now too!” How will you feel after this?
And then, after her friend asked, “How are you doing?”, Mom began to talk about how bad she felt. After some time, this same mother’s friend began to scold me, why, they say, MCH behaves like this? She screamed at me loudly and for a long time. Mom then said that, by and large, she was right, although this friend behaved rudely. But the problem is that my boyfriend offered to help us with our business (and helped us), but my mother, for some reason, focused specifically on the negative side of the relationship and complained about it, ignoring the good. Why is that?
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
This is how the matrix of ignoring a person acting out the negative scenario of a 1st, 2nd or 3rd degree loser works.
When your mother complains to everyone she knows about you, then your father, or MCH, she takes the position of a suffering victim. In this role, “according to the scheme,” she must suffer, and the other person, in theory, must inflict this suffering on her. If it turns out that the other person did something good, showed kindness, then the whole scheme collapses.
The Karpman triangle diagram consists of three main roles: savior-victim-aggressor and two additional ones. We will not talk about additional roles now, so as not to be distracted from the main train of thought. If your mom is acting out the Karpman triangle pattern from victim position, then she needs some justification for such a position. If you ignore the good, but concentrate on the bad, then her listeners (her grandmother and friend) will understand and relate to her suffering. They may feel sorry for her or even try to intervene in her situation.
Thus, by denigrating you, your father and your MCH, your mother can fully play out a manipulative psychological game based on the Karpman Triangle scheme in the role of a victim.
The purpose of this game is to exchange intense negative "strokes" from stroking profile and save emotional distance. As racket feeling your mother will receive a feeling of pity from her grandmother and friend.
Your mom's friend is a partner in the Karpman triangle pattern.
Please note that your mother’s friend quite rudely violated the boundaries of your personality when she began to scold you for the behavior of your boyfriend. This is possible not only because of rudeness and rudeness, but also because of scripted behavior (meaning the scenario of a loser of the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd degree).
The loser script is a professional psychotherapeutic term that reflects the habit of acting out unhealthy patterns in communication (the same Karpman triangle).
Perhaps this behavior was aimed at playing the role of a “savior” in relation to your mother. If your mom's friend and mom went to psychotherapy, they would gain knowledge about how correct distortions in its ignoring matrix and in his stroking profile. This would help them learn to communicate sincerely and kindly without acting out. manipulative psychological games and without experiencing the well-known stereotyped racketeering feelings.
“Probably, my problem will seem small to someone, and I myself am, one might say, small. I understand that older people turn to this section with their adult problems: the husband left, the wife cheated, etc. But I hope that adults also read the section. So I want my mother to see this letter and feel ashamed... No, no, she is not an alcoholic, on the contrary, she is a completely successful young woman (she is 34 years old). And she’s busy all the time: she has work, business trips, some get-togethers with the right clients, and recently, in addition to everything, her personal life has improved... It would seem that I should be happy for my mother, but the fact is that I’m always with her in the background.
From early childhood I was raised by my grandmother. It was she who taught me to read, write, love classical music and good cinema. And also – you won’t believe it! - rollerblading. She and I talked for hours on a variety of topics.
I have never seen my dad. And my mother was constantly busy - she had to study, build a career, and spend time at work from morning to night. I understand that you need to earn money. But... what about me? All I received was a call: “Have you done your homework? Did you go to the music? Okay, bye, kiss me, I’ll be back late!”
And then my grandmother passed away... For us, everything remained the same. I, a 13-year-old girl, stood in the kitchen by the window in the late evenings and waited and waited. I so wanted to tell my mother about my experiences, that the chemist was committing atrocities, that Gerka from the parallel class for some reason asked me for my phone number, and, in the end, to tell me that my stomach hurt because I became a girl...
Sometimes, of course, my mother paid attention to me. She is a very interesting person, modern, and a great photographer. In general, in those days I was in seventh heaven - we went to the forest, to the river, raged there like children, chatting about everything in the world. But such days can be counted on one hand!
Of course, I’m not some kind of recluse, I have best friends with whom I can keep secrets, there is, after all, the Internet, which also has a lot of friends. But MOM is not there!
And recently she met her love and got married. Her husband is 8 years younger. Mom blooms and flutters like a butterfly. And what’s a shame is that she had time for him. They spend evenings together, always disappear somewhere, and even if they sit at home, they practically never leave their room. On weekends they also have their own business. And I feel like a shadow. I surf the Internet, hang out with my friends, read books, do homework, go to English courses. But to my mother I am nothing. I’m the kind of person to whom you can easily say: “Have dinner and go to bed, we’ll come back late...”
Help me, please, advise me how I can make my mother see and hear me. After all, I have no one closer to her. Do you hear, mom?..”
Anya, 14 years old
Mentality and character of Turkish men.
Every summer, hundreds of our compatriots flood the hospitable Turkish resorts. The secret of such popularity is very simple - a visa-free regime, decent service, affordable prices coupled with a rich cultural and excursion program, as well as picturesque and diverse natural landscapes.
Another aspect of Turkey’s sustainable popularity among our compatriots is the famous All inclusive system, which most European resorts have abandoned. In Turkey, it has become a kind of calling card of the country. And in fact, almost everything is included - round-the-clock food, soft drinks and alcohol, fun entertainment and even love. The latter often attracts even more tourists than all other resort amenities. Let's try to understand the original reason for this state of affairs.
Türkiye is a multinational country. Its population is almost 80 million people, and among the local residents you can find, of course, Turks, they make up about 80 percent of the population, but also Kurds, Greeks, Arabs, Iranians, and emigrants from the countries of the North Caucasus, the countries of the former USSR.
Of all the states where Islam is recognized as the official religion, Turkey is the most tolerant of representatives of other religions, customs and morals. Residents of resort towns and megalopolises: Ankara, Istanbul, Izmir, Antalya, are more Europeanized, in contrast to the population of regions, whose mentality is regulated by more traditional religious and social attitudes and norms of behavior.
The resort area in Turkey is not the best place to evaluate Turkish men in general. The resort life of the country has formed its own rules of the game, which greatly distorted the perception of Turkish culture, and first of all, the Turks themselves. A real Turk, who has absorbed the Turkish upbringing with his mother’s milk, is significantly different from the resort macho.
A boy in a family is often raised by his mother. There is even a saying in Turkey: “Boys are closer to their mother, and girls are closer to their father.” Therefore, fathers are often very happy about the birth of their daughters. It is then that the mentality and areas of responsibility of boys and girls are established. The religious aspect, despite the secularism of the country, has brought a lot into the existing education system. Most often, boys, like girls, do not have sexual experience before marriage. These are the requirements of the Koran, which are observed quite strictly in the Eastern regions and less strictly in the West of Turkey. It is for this reason that they try to get both boys and girls married early. But in recent years the situation has slowly begun to change. Young men began to acquire sexual experience before marriage because such an opportunity arose, but Turkish society turns a blind eye to this fact. And in connection with this, the marriageable age of men in large cities of Turkey has increased significantly. In large cities there are a lot of bachelors over thirty. But there is another explanation for this - financially interested Turkish women are very demanding of suitors, and therefore in a big city, where people from the provinces flock, business failures find themselves among the ranks of unclaimed suitors.
Today, old and new traditions of creating a family coexist in Turkey. Moreover, the old tradition very slowly gives way to the new one, or, rather, some updated, modernized version of it arises.
The old tradition is known to everyone. Its essence is that parents or relatives create young couples practically without the knowledge of the bride and groom. But such a strict tradition is currently preserved only in remote corners of Turkey, or the parents of a young guy can resort to this trick if they do not want their son to marry a foreigner. He immediately finds a bride from a recommended and respected family. Another option for marriage looks just as oriental. Middle-aged Turks with average incomes who have spent too much time as grooms often resort to him. They practically buy themselves a young wife in a poor province close to the border with Georgia, Iran or Syria.
Of course, the influence of European culture makes itself felt in conservative Turkey. There are not many children in modern urban families now, and this is reflected in the attitude of parents towards them. Children are pampered and given freedom of choice - young people choose their own mate, but traditional upbringing comes up here too. Young Turks, when choosing a husband or wife, do so based on their cultural heritage. Girls choose richer young men, and boys choose virtuous and moral girls. Many Turks still quite seriously want a virgin as a wife. This just confirms the continuity of traditions - how a Turk sees and evaluates the family and the mother of his children. I would also like to note that the younger the Turk, the more he considers public opinion. But this is quite logical; young Turks are often more financially dependent. Also, when choosing a wife, love and feelings are not given first place.
Here it is worth paying attention to the mentality of Turkish men regarding relations with women in general. For a Turk, the issue of the purity of a woman’s honor is very important, because a wife is a woman whom he will have throughout his life; there are not many divorces in Turkey. It is the aspect of possession and possession that determines his attitude towards any woman and underlies sexual relations. Morality, adherence to traditions and complete trust are fundamental points for him in choosing a wife. He cannot bear the thought that his wife and the mother of his children were possessed by someone before him.
By the way, Turkish women also almost always perceive their husbands as property, but from a different angle: for them, owning a husband is, rather, the fact of legal possession of what brings her the status of a married woman. These are social security, material security and psychological peace.
Briefly about the character of Turkish men:
Courteous and honest;
- always ready to help;
- attach great importance to etiquette;
- have extreme national pride;
- very conservative;
- attach great importance to trust;
- very polite in communicating with each other, with elders, with strangers, foreigners and other people;
- very hospitable;
- family and kinship ties are of great importance;
- the authority of a man in the family is absolute and unquestionable;
- it is considered indecent to ask about your wife’s health, to say hello to her; traditional politeness requires inquiring about the health of the family;
- not very punctual and slow, in their opinion there is a rush from the devil, and accuracy is meaningless;
- have a contradictory nature, in it both East and West and Asia and Europe;
- are very self-critical, but reject criticism from foreigners.
About feelings.
Yes, the Turks are very temperamental, and romantic, and soft, they are kind and, rather, simple-minded by nature. Temperament, high potency and romance fit very uniquely into cultural traditional relationships. But the Turks found a compromise to satisfy their romantic aspirations - adultery has become firmly established in the lives of Turkish men, although just a few decades ago this would have been difficult to imagine in Turkey. Turkish society, by and large, tries to turn a blind eye to this state of affairs; Turkish women also prefer to put up with this fact rather than go for a divorce. It happens that a husband simply leaves the family without going through with the divorce, and lives the life of a bachelor for many years, not forgetting, of course, to fully provide for his wife and children.
A Turk takes a mistress not only for love pleasures. Wife and children are an area of duty and responsibilities. A mistress is an outlet for passionate feelings and romance. In addition, today this is facilitated by modern technological advances - Turks actively roam the Internet in search of love adventures.
The courtship ritual that fascinates our compatriots, in my opinion, has quite understandable origins. Open expression of feelings has always been an integral part of Eastern and Southern culture. Romantic nature dresses courtship in bright and beautiful forms. The relative coldness of local girls and their inaccessibility forces young people from time immemorial to hone this skill of seduction to perfection. When a Turk is courting a girl he likes, he puts all his arsenal of romance and all his feelings into all moments of a close relationship, and it actually seems to him that he is in love, and therefore is so sincere in his manifestations.
Turkish men and foreign women.
Before starting the story about the attitude of Turks towards foreign women, it is necessary to mention the Kurds in Turkey. This is a very important digression. It is especially important in the light of Turkish-foreign relations.
There are many peoples living in Turkey, but the most numerous and, in addition, noticeably different in culture and traditions nation are the Kurds, who mostly live in the eastern regions. In appearance, they are most often darker than the Turks and have facial features more similar to the Arab type. There is also a strong language difference. You have probably heard a lot about the Kurdish problem in Turkey, but in this case we will not talk about that.
Kurdish culture and traditions are very much influenced by religion and their own identity. The Kurdish nation is highly obsessed with its identity, and often adheres more strictly to religious principles. Therefore, she perceives all the innovations of modern times more painfully, which makes her much more conservative than the Turks. This is a very important national and cultural feature that should always be remembered and borne in mind.
With the beginning of the development of active foreign tourism in Turkey at the end of the last century, the era of Turkish-foreign relations also began. In the last decade, online dating has also joined this type of relationship.
A stream of vacationers has poured into a country with a bright sun, blue sky and warm sea. In recent years, it has also become fashionable and convenient to buy housing on the Turkish Riviera, so property owners have also joined the tourists. After a hard year of work, gray skies, and a cold climate, the Turkish coast seems like an incredible fairy tale to Europeans. Turks are excellent builders, and therefore, when foreigners come to resorts, they feel like they are in a stylish, modern and comfortable country. In the tourist area, all that remains of Turkish identity is the dark skin color of tourism workers, Turkish speech, and the cliches of Turkish culture, which the Turks themselves promote with constant success - tea, sweets, cotton, spices, ancient monuments with a bunch of half-true and completely implausible myths and legends.
Gallant, smiling, dark-skinned handsome men, and often not handsome at all, coupled with the turquoise sea and romantic coastline, seem to our tourists to be some kind of exotic and, practically equal to the sons of the Ottoman sultans, hot young men. And here their biggest mistake appears. A tourist comes to the country completely unprepared for relationships with people of a different culture. For them, Turkish men are associated with Casanova, whom many certainly strive to curb. Here ladies and girls quickly lose their heads, often their brains, and often their boundaries of decency. Particularly sad and dangerous are arguments along the lines of: “I’m on vacation, so I need to fully relax, which more often means sexual adventures and the inevitable conquest of as large a number of the local male population as possible.” The female contingent at home is clearly embarrassed to allow themselves such relaxation. To put it all in one phrase, foreigners go to Turkey with their own charter, without even thinking that people in another country most likely have their own unique culture, mentality and traditions. But it’s worth noting, unfortunately, that the Turks also suffer from the same problem - they evaluate foreign women strictly within the framework of their cultural traditions and the cliches imposed by their own culture. If we reduce everything to reality - namely, that for a Turk the cultural component most often remains unchanged, then the result of what is happening is, in fact, disappointing.
The resort area of the country in the summer is most often a kind of cauldron in which local Turks, visiting Turks and, of course, the tourists themselves mingle. The bulk of visiting Turks are hotel service staff, whose earnings are very low for the average Turk. Therefore, these types of work are most often performed by students on vacation, villagers and Kurds who come during the season in search of income. A villager, a Kurd who has escaped from traditional restrictions, or a young student is most often a sexually starved native with sky-high testosterone, and even able to invest a romantic streak in relationships with the opposite sex. This is the main army of Turkish cavaliers in the resort area. But don't delude yourself. Ninety-nine percent of Turks, having achieved their goal - sex, falling in love with a girl, material incentives from European ladies, are unlikely to exchange their traditional family structure for marriage with a foreigner. The main reasons are social hostility, significant cultural differences and, often, religious background. Another important nuance for the negative results of resort relations is that it is often very difficult for a foreigner to distinguish a Kurd from a Turk. More conservative Kurds are much more categorical in their assessment of foreign women, and it is even more difficult for Kurdish society to accept a foreign woman into its ranks.
Also, the Turkish media very actively promote the image of foreign women, often Slavs, as women of easy virtue. Unfortunately, objective reality only confirms this - in Turkey, among the prostitutes, a large number are Slavs, and at the resorts, among the frivolous vacationing girls who change boyfriends like gloves and cheat on their husbands, there are a very large number of Russians and Ukrainians. The Turks, of course, see all this and draw appropriate conclusions. And this is not just a resort area, but the general state of affairs in the country.
Therefore, we can say quite definitely: unfortunately, it is accessibility in sex that often attracts Turks in foreign women. Plus there is also a certain flair of exoticism - a fair girl with Slavic features. Turks spread among themselves, almost like legends, what a sexually experienced foreigner does in bed, and they dream of getting a Slavic woman into bed at least once in their lives. In this case, there is nothing to be surprised about. If for a Turk a Turkish woman is not available for an open relationship, and the only woman in his life in bed is his wife, then the sophistication of foreign women in sex, of course, makes an indelible impression on the Turk. Therefore, the Turks throw their entire arsenal at trying to achieve their goal, not disdaining simple flattery and a bunch of standard romantic phrases. And that’s why the classic Turkish phrases are that our women are either very beautiful, sexy, well-groomed, kind, the very best in this and that, and Turkish women are ugly, stupid, unkempt, hysterical, the very worst in this and this is the most common vocabulary for seducing ladies and girls. This is a fairly simple, but quite effective way of courtship from time immemorial - to say only what they want to hear from you. Therefore, the Turks are excellent at using it – both in a resort environment and on the Internet.
About the difference between foreign women for a Turk. There is a difference, but most often it is replete with standard cliches. For example, European women, most often German women, are rich and can be used as a springboard for moving to Europe, and Slavic women are unpretentious, unmercenary, agree to everything - it’s easier to recruit them for sex and a trip for their own money, because their husbands or their boyfriends are bad at sex and alcoholics. And all foreigners, both Europeans and Slavs, are considered hungry for sex.
But not everything is so gloomy. What we wrote about is, of course, a fairly generalized situation. There are quite a few marriages of Turks with foreigners, but when assessing them and drawing conclusions, one can rather pay attention to the fact that they were built not on interethnic relations, but on interpersonal ones. Most often, fairly successful marriages between a Turk and a foreigner arise on the basis of long-term personal relationships. These are those who met at work, at school or in another environment that allowed them to build normal personal communication. Personal everyday contacts provide an opportunity to get to know and understand each other well, as well as learn to adapt to each other and within two cultures. Virtual relationships often come to ruin even with their compatriots.
I don’t understand what’s going on at all... I’m going crazy... I’m corresponding with a Turk... Initially I asked about my status - did I have a man. Yes, I’m married, I said so, and I said that I’m not going to move. Moreover, he is older than him. he is 47 years old. I'm 53. I thought. that will disappear. He didn’t disappear... he even called me to go on vacation... I would go... but in order to get away from my husband, you need to carefully prepare everything. (I don’t have a good relationship with my husband... but they give me security in all respects) There was little time to prepare the ground, and I didn’t go. He disappeared. I breathed a sigh of relief... Then it showed up again. How are you? You didn't say Yes, so I went alone. sent me a photo from my vacation. Overall pleasant conversations. Every day he sends cards with roses. She says how beautiful... It’s nice... I accepted the compliments, . but didn’t attach any importance to them - let him talk. Further and more... And he wants to love me and all that... These words made my mind go crazy... He says he’s divorced. He works as a lawyer... Who knows what he does...? Maybe he’s grazing mullahs in some village... I asked several times to go on Skype to talk live... he remains silent... ..doesn’t come out... I asked what city are you from? - doesn’t answer! This is alarming.... I told him, since you want me. Come. He asks - are you inviting me? What he means is probably for me to place him in my apartment... but I don’t live alone! She said I can’t! Silent. I offered him to live in a hostel. and meet at my place. He seemed happy. he is still silent about the arrival. I have a feeling. that will fall out of the blue. at just such a moment. when I can’t pay attention to him, you never know, there’s an influx of work, etc. And he’ll announce his arrival 24 hours in advance. And even the point is different - well, he’ll come... we’ll meet. everything will be fine - love story... so at least I’ll see, I’ll look. what kind of fruit is this... and is it worth having anything to do with it... well, okay. Let's get to know each other... suppose. liked each other... what next...? We'll shed tears and we'll be separated again. then perhaps he will invite me to Turkey.... I have a feeling that he has already, even without seeing me in person. without knowing, he considers him his woman... and he says you will be mine forever... This “forever” bothers me... I ask him a specific question - he writes back how much he loves me and wants me... It’s nice. What can I say... And my brains, meanwhile, are melting... Although common sense says, this Turkey has given up to me... I can lose everything - the main thing is that I won’t see my daughter and grandchildren. there will be no theater classes and much more. And what will I gain, besides a headache... it’s unclear. I can’t understand what he needs... maybe he’s married and wants entertainment - so it will be even easier for me in this case. Elsi is not married and wants a “serious relationship”, this is already a big stress for me... What will I do in a foreign country - a different mentality. other culture. everything is different... but I’m already stuck with my feelings and I don’t understand who I’m dealing with... He’s behaving strangely... he’s not embarrassed by his age. neither my married status... nor answers the questions. He just talks about love and it blows my mind...
