"Capricious and spoiled boys engage in violence all the time. It's another matter that girls are silent. If only because if you are capricious, spoiled, and you have influential parents, the girl will not be able to prove and do anything."
We have been friends with Kostya since the age of 11. Kostya is from a wealthy family. Mom is the head physician of the hospital, dad with MGIMO education. They also wanted to give Kostya there, but he actively resisted and went to the chemistry department of Moscow State University.
Kostya is lucky with the girls. In general, Kostya is cool. He can tell a banal anecdote in such a way that you laugh and wipe your tears with your sleeve. He is fond of photography and we often travel with him to the Moscow region to take pictures. He finds interesting places, some old estates, abandoned houses.
Yesterday I met with Kostya, discussed the girl he now likes. Kostya is very interested in her: a status girl, beautiful (a long-legged blonde, Kostya always liked these), but at the same time modest and shy, she studies at the Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University. Kostya believes that shyness is such a tactic for attracting men. He says that they are especially fond of these now, punchy blondes are not in fashion now.
“I’m jealous of her so that it drives my teeth together,” Kostya confesses, “but she doesn’t seem to understand this.
“She plays with me, and I don’t like when they play for a long time,” Kostya continues.
- So what does she want? I ask.
- Who knows. She introduced me to her friends, and we walked, holding hands, like two lovers. But I'm a man, I can't take that long, you know? We are people of action, we will not walk for a long time holding hands. And when I start hinting at her about sex, or move on to specific actions, she freezes. How long will I last?
- Why are you stuck in her? Switch your attention to another object if the girl is at an age when she needs a walk with you by the arm, not a bed. Maybe she wants to show you more to her friends, and not be with you?
And then Kostenka looks from the TV at me, turns purple and says in a whistling whisper:
- That is, she is deceiving me? Then I'll have to check her for lice.
- What is it like? - I ask.
And then on the good-natured face of my friend and good guy there is an ugly smile, which I have never seen before, and he says a phrase after which my vision of this world was shaken.
- If she does not give me voluntarily, I will take her by force, - my friend told me.
And then Kostya turned away with an indifferent look, as if it were normal for him.
I returned home, and this voice of his haunted me: "I will take her by force."
I wondered if I always misjudged criminals? For me, a rapist is such an evil maniac uncle, like an exhibitionist, who is addicted to spoiling girls, and who must be kept either in a maximum security prison or in a cage, and shown to little boys so that they do not take an example from him. And here it turns out that a good guy, my friend, can become a rapist, because he thinks that the girl is deceiving him.
Men, is it really one step from misunderstanding to violence? Is it really easy to commit a crime?
Women, have you encountered a similar phenomenon? Do you think that a rapist lives in any man, even if he is kind, sweet and charming?
Elena M. Moscow
- Why did you get into his car? Why didn't you say no right away! Why didn't you run away later ?! Until now, in matters of rape, half of the country has such a dense Middle Ages in their heads that one is amazed. Yesterday, for example, my eye caught on this letter on the net ...
“… The fact is that 7 years ago my husband died, I have a child. I work, I earn good money, in short, I am independent, I do not need anyone. It so happened that all these years I have not met anyone, despite the fact that many people like me and look good. Somehow two weeks ago at work in the office they were celebrating my friend's birthday and one friend came to us, he does not work with us, but we work in the same area. He sat down to me and began to look after me, not even missing a lot of hands, touching my legs, I dodged him as best I could, I didn't want to swear, especially in front of everyone, just a very influential person. After that evening, he began to appear often exactly where I am. One evening, I was sitting at home, he called and asked for a meeting, like to talk. I went out to talk, got into the car, talked about nothing. I somehow relaxed, evening, day off. He said he wanted to take me around the city, I agreed. They drove laughed, talked, felt, ended up not clear where and ... the dress was. I took it home calmly, I didn't say a word and left. And he just disappeared. I haven't slept for a week, I haven't eaten, I'm ashamed to say to someone, and to whom you tell, they will say it is your fault and he is very influential. He just acted like a bedding and did not even ask for forgiveness. Everyone has always respected me and has a very high opinion of me, but now I have a feeling that since I have been alone for so many years, it means that I am easily accessible. "
I would like to draw your attention to a few points. The first is the fact that stops the victim from going to the police. This is the very “why did you get into the car if you didn’t want anything?”.
Both the perpetrator and the victim, and you and I understand that this fact will really raise questions, both from the police and from society, if the story becomes public. This question will certainly be asked to a woman, insisting that she "wanted it herself." However, it is important to emphasize one nuance. If the girl really wanted something, then most certainly not violence.
She may have wanted moonlight kisses. Or confessions. Or proposals to get married. Or a wonderful night in a hotel full of caresses (I admit she might have such a thought). Or just a private conversation. I got it - dirty and painful use of my body, feeling like a thing worse than a doormat. She suffered both mentally and physically, and she did not give consent to this either verbally or mentally.
It is a crime to think that if a woman got into a car, now you can do whatever you want with her because she supposedly agrees. It is exactly the same crime as inviting a person for an interview, and on the basis that he came there, take away his passport and use him as a slave. He himself came!
It is not a crime to offer sex to a girl who has agreed to a car ride. That would be bigotry. But rudely and with the use of force, despite the obvious refusal to take possession of her body, this is a clear crime.
Why did the “big boss”, an intelligent and influential person, well-versed in society, not talk to the girl, invite her to date and even asked how she loves, but simply rudely raped her?
Here ears grow out of another myth, which is very tenacious in our society. This is a myth that a woman cannot express her consent and never does (apparently because she never wants sex). The myth that a woman needs to be “pushed”, pushed, forced, at worst just to take by force, which the man did. That is, he could not even imagine that it is possible not to "push through", not to rape, but to make love by mutual consent. After all, otherwise, if he really considered himself a rapist, he would prefer to get rid of the victim and evidence, and not take her home.
The terrifying myth that "no, that's yes" is sometimes supported by women themselves, who are afraid to express their desires openly. But it is better for a man to remember that it is better to leave one smart-ass touchy without sex than to rape one innocent girl. One involuntarily begins to think that the controversial laws on mandatory consent, adopted, for example, in Sweden, or, more recently, in Spain, are not so controversial. After all, some may interpret as agreement the fact that the girl is not running away briskly enough. Or shouts not very loudly. Better a clear yes.
And the third moment that allowed a man to act so low and vile is his confidence in his exclusive permissiveness. Still, the voices of feminists and victims of sexual violence still sound very weak in our country. Much weaker than the voices that whitewash the rapist. Therefore, the scoundrel knows very well that most of the society, if something happens, will be on his side. And the victim will not run to the police - he will be afraid of conviction. And this is the worst thing.
I am 19 years old, in my short life I have seen a lot of things. I myself came from the village to a big city to study. And how immediately everything began to turn out differently. She lived in an apartment with a crazy grandmother and a girl who was too self-confident. Then she moved to a hostel, and there, too, everything is somehow not quite right, even though friends appeared. Then something terrible happened.
Once we went with a friend to the military unit to her boyfriend. It was in the evening, she was there with him, had sex, and I talked with the boys who were there. Then we began to leave, two followed us, then one went back the other stood chatting with us. He grabbed her hand, I began to beat her off, in the end she ran away and then he switched to me. He dragged me into the gateway, began to ask me to give him, but I refused, then he took me by force. God, how scared I was then !!! I will never forget this. After a couple of days I tried to lay hands on myself, but it didn’t work, because the tablets didn’t work. Then my life rolled, I changed a lot. She began to sleep with everyone in a row, broke up with the person whom she loved more than her whole life! I started dating someone else, met for a year, but if I may say so, he turned out to be a terrible egoist, it hurt. Then they almost killed me, thieves attacked me when I was walking home, put a bag on my head and started beating me ...
And now for the third year in March I had a breakdown, I took how much money I had and left in an unknown direction, I was even put on the wanted list. My roof was blown off, I did not understand at all what I was doing. And then I returned, began to slowly move away, but I just can’t find a normal guy. It seems that I start dating, they persuade me to have sex, and then they throw me away. But yesterday I went out for a walk, and a friend called me to her company, and friends of a friend gave me a drink. She went home with her boyfriend. And we went to one of them at home. And the one who, as I learned today, a womanizer and a bastard, began to pester me. And I could not resist. As a result, today he told his friends that I just got him from ..., and there was no sex and they consider me a whore.
I can't do this anymore! I seem to find a normal guy, he seems to say that everything will be fine, that like we are all adults and understand everything as it should. And it’s nothing like sleeping. And then they give up and don't call. Play and that's enough. Girl for one night!
I'm tired ... I never gave up before, but now I have strength ... I very quickly open up to a person, become attached to him and now I suffer sooo much .... how should I be?
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Ghost, age: 05/22/2012
Feedback:
My dear, you have not yet moved away from what you have experienced. I really sympathize with you. It seems to me that the help of a professional (doctor, psychologist) would not hurt you ...
And about the relationship with the guys - everything is in your power. Just end the close relationship with them. There is nothing shameful about chastity. This is imposed on us - live as you want, sleep with everyone. Firstly, abstinence will help you find peace, and secondly, they will definitely not speak badly about you, this is only worthy of respect. It is difficult to meet a normal guy now, it is true, but you can, believe me. I would advise you to start going to church - this will help both heal mental wounds and find support in life in faith in God, then chastity is appreciated there, and you can also meet really good and responsible people there.
And please, take care of yourself - try not to walk the streets on dark evenings, remember - God protects those who are careful. By the way, do not forget - there is a forum here, you can open a topic there. There communication is more two-way.
Nika, age: 29 / 23.05.2012
How can you not understand, a girl generally needs to be careful with this case, with one single one whom you have known well for a long time, but not with the one whom you know for 2 weeks or a month! In such events, normal girls do not participate (drinking)! The maximum you can drink a glass of wine or champagne with your friends is harmful! I'd rather keep silent about your friend .. I left you in trouble .. In general, don't open up to anyone now until you communicate with this person for a year, and even better until you get married! you have a mom, so you can really trust her and God, the rest - no! About these cases of yours and how you were thrown remember, and do not let this happen again!
God help!
Vadim, age: 55 / 05/23/2012
Hi. I'm sorry you didn't meet a real guy. I sincerely sympathize with you. But do not despair, there will be a holiday on your street. The guys are normal. I really want to help you, I really don't know how to do it. Try to distract yourself, talk with friends, family, try to forget what happened. In general, you need to change your life. It is better to leave such friends as that.
Alex, age: 05/23/2012
Hello. Reading your story, you involuntarily come to the conclusion that someone is to blame for your troubles. "Once we went with a friend to a military unit to her boyfriend. It was in the evening, she was there with him, had sex ..." Now think for yourself, how did the cadets perceive you both? Sex hungry adult guys? A friend gave, so you have to give, why did you come then? I didn’t give it, they took it by force. I am not in any way justifying, it is necessary to plant such people, but the logic of their actions is clear. Next story, key phrase: "They got me drunk." They held hands by legs and poured in forcibly or what? Even so, you can induce vomiting after a while. Do not think that I blame, you and yourself feel bad. Think about this: since you are such a pliable person, then it might make sense to take less part in companies where it is customary to have sex and drink alcohol? Avoid such companies, since you can not control yourself?
Dmitry CAESAR, age: 32 / 23.05.2012
Maybe you're just looking at the wrong guys? Try to look deeper, learn to scan people.
As for the attitude, I can advise you to read the materials on this site, it is quite possible that they will help you
Perhaps you just take for normal those who do not need anything at all, except ...
Maybe start going to church? For many people, over the centuries, this has changed their lives for the better. Someone quickly, someone gradually. In any case, this is your own business. God bless you!
Rusik, age: 22 / 23.05.2012
Pretty Girl! Do not allow close relationships, take care of yourself and your reputation. Do not tell anyone about your sad experience. You can cry to your mother. It's good that there was no unwanted pregnancy.
After such an experience, it seems to me that you need to be alone - so that the soul departs. And these scum inflict more and more wounds on you, because they behave like animals. Some kind of licentiousness reigns among the youth.
You still keep looking for a guy after so many failures. I'm surprised. I would close on myself, withdraw into myself like a snail.
Take care of your moral character. Start wearing longer skirts - or longer. Get away from trousers and anything that fits your figure. Use cosmetics a little.
Get interested in your studies.
Nyusya, age: 33 / 05/23/2012
WHEN I was also brave, my friend called me, she felt bad, the pressure rose, my husband was on the shift, and she was 2
children, it was at 12 at night - our area is dangerous - I'm going, I see the car is standing and I crossed to the other side, but I'm going
I pray to the LORD, the saints, but after all, a person has to go badly - (the ambulance arrived, as always, 2 hours later).
they eat it with a glance, I pray ALL the sky do not leave me, I go through it, I helped my friend, but I have everything inside
pounding. BUT THE LORD SAVED not for the first Time. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND that
even with a friend (who most likely does not consider you as such, otherwise she would not have left you in trouble), and even any girl
she did something, called for help or something else. Sometimes it is impossible to recognize a MAN even for a year or more
even, and you so frivolously believe in his love-loves let him show care, not bed. NORMAL guy
will appear when you meet in normal places and behave normally - BELIEVE, MEN DO NOT ONLY GIVE
DIFFERENT PROMISES BUT AND GIVE WITH Flowers and complements - but you must learn to see sensitivity in a guy and
stop sleeping with them, if he loves, he will not leave, but will respect, if he leaves, the road is like a tablecloth, why do you need this?
WISE, you're a woman.
REANIMATOLOGIST, age: 29 / 23.05.2012
Hi. I will say right away that you are simply not looking there. In all these drinking companies in the alleyways there won't be
normal guy. They're in sports axes, in training, in libraries.
including the guys home. At least a couple of months before that, talk to him. It’s no wonder that they don’t accept
seriously. After all, a self-respecting girl is so easy anyhow where she will not go. Appreciate yourself, get tested for infections after
such a stormy life, you can go to a psychologist, or better to go to church. Repent, start a new life. No reason
you do not have to kill yourself. Yes, violence is a hard thing and an abomination, so I do not provoke more such situations and
forget about it as a nightmare. It was a lesson, it's good that you stayed alive, appreciate this gift.
Love, age: 32 / 23.05.2012
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He looked at her in bewilderment.
Have you decided that Anna is my wife?
Is she your mistress?
He slowly walked over to her, not taking his eyes off. The girl wanted to pull away, but decided not to show weakness. It would be a mistake.
I kissed you this morning.
Her heart pounded.
Is it? She shrugged. - Actually, yes, but I can hardly remember ...
He took her by the shoulders, pulled her to him and kissed her again. Another lesson, she told herself, before her thoughts disappeared somewhere.
He had such hot lips. Delicate. She felt the tip of his tongue unclench her closed lips, penetrate between them, and moaned softly. The kiss deepened. She moaned again and heard Jake moan in return. He took her face in his hands, threw her head back and pressed it hard against her lips.
Remember now?
Yes, ”she replied, hating her trembling voice. Jake should be considered just a teacher, but he should not know about it.
He closed her mouth again with a kiss. He wrapped his arms so tightly that she felt the heat of his body and his excitement. It serves one purpose, he told himself. A woman must understand that she cannot be played with if she does not want to burn out.
But this fire is also dangerous for him.
God, what her taste. How wonderful it is to hold her in your arms. He pressed Katarina to him forcibly, feeling her soft breasts, hips ... But that was not enough.
He wanted more.
He wanted to unbutton her dress. Expose your chest. Take it in hand. Caress. Run your fingers over her nipples and see her face. Hear her screaming his name as he takes the dress from her shoulders, pulls off her panties, finds a hot, sweet, wet bosom that is emanating from tenderness - for him, only for him.
Take her innocence. Her pure flawless innocence. The innocence that is meant for another man.
Jake looked up from her lips. Katarina swayed.
Jake, ”she whispered, but he let go of her and, clenching his fists, thrust his hands into his pockets so as not to touch her again.
So now what? he said calmly. - Have I refreshed your memories?
She opened her eyes. Jake was amazed at how unusually long and thick her eyelashes were. Then the girl ran the tip of her pale pink tongue over her upper lip, and desire seized him.
Is your memory restored? he asked again.
Yes, - she nodded automatically.
Fine.
She licked her lips again. Jake hastily took a step back.
I wouldn't kiss you if I had a wife or a mistress.
Why not? In Brazil ...
And in my country too. Sometimes. I may be old-fashioned, but I don't. When I find myself a wife, I will not deceive her. Not her, not anyone else. I'm free now.
Are you deceiving me?
Heck! How did he manage to dig a hole for himself?
I'm talking about my kiss. I wouldn't do this if I had someone.
What about Samantha? He completely forgot about her.
So you kissed me because you are not connected with anyone?
Yes. No. Jake was embarrassed. - I kissed you, that's all. A kiss is just a kiss.
And the girls said that a kiss means a lot. And I read in books ...
What books?
Does not matter. Her cheeks turned pink. - The girls who were released for the weekend brought books with them from the house.
"Lady Chatterley's Lover?" Jake narrowed his eyes.
And in these books ...
What was in these books?
Love novels. Some have described such special kisses ...
Ah. Love novels. He sighed with relief. What is special about romance novels?
Do you think that a man can kiss a woman just like that?
Of course not. A man should always want a woman to feel ...
What should she feel?
Looking into Katharina's coffee eyes, watching her lick her upper lip with her tongue, Jake felt that he was walking on thin breaking ice.
One step forward. One touch. Another kiss ...
He took in more air and took a step back. Away from her, away from the frightening ice underfoot.
Unpack your things, ”he grumbled,“ and trade that awful brown dress for something else. I'll call you when the food is ready. - He left the room and, already closing the door, remembered how this scene began. - Did you ask about Anna?
Deep in her soul, every woman dreams of being subjected to a powerful onslaught from a man - naturally, in these dreams appears not a stupid rude plumber Uncle Vasya, but a cool superman like Bruce Willis.
WITH and limp hands that cannot be resisted, heavy breathing of an agitated beast
and a fierce battle in which he is victorious, assertive, domineering, persistent - each of us has replayed this scenario in our heads many times with varying variations. Hollywood is resting!
Psychologists say that women who lacked paternal love in childhood often think about it.
I cannot agree with this, because before my eyes is an example of a friend from a completely prosperous family, in which parents carried each other in their arms and blew dust particles off their daughter. She idolized her father, however, completely, justly, but in her diary she described how a courtyard bully took her by force. I happened to read these notes - this is something, I tell you! I, a very experienced girl in love affairs, could not even read many moments, because my hair stood on end! The bully never found out about what opportunity he had lost, and the girlfriend soon happily married a successful businessman and sat down at home. She continues to dream of the onslaught that she wrote about in her diary, only now her husband has become the hero of her dreams, to whom, of course, she does not admit it,
But in vain. Because feeling a strong passion with your beloved man is a double pleasure!
Maybe we dream of becoming victims of this kind of action because only at such moments can we feel like real women - weak, fragile, sometimes helpless? We are so tired of playing the role of strong, self-confident, self-sufficient ladies that sometimes we want to throw off this mask of emancipation and completely surrender to the power of the wild uncontrollable element of male lust! Swim in the stream of bestial passion, feeling like a toy in the hands of someone who is stronger than you.
But what about tenderness? - some will ask. I personally do not mind tenderness. But sometimes you want just unbridledness and primitive savagery, you want to resist and be defeated in a man's arms. I want to obey a man, feeling my powerlessness to change anything. Just surrender to this hurricane of passion, which sweeps away everything in its path ...
If men in life were men rather than squishies and mothers' sons, perhaps we would have had other dreams. But, alas, most of the stronger sex are not able to take a woman by force, their primitive instinct has become limp, fell asleep, atrophied. When I told my MCH that I dreamed of being taken by force, he was shocked, deciding that I was branding on the basis of viewing sites with three "x". From that moment on, our relationship became cooler, and then completely withered. He decided that I was a pervert.
However, I am still quite a young and interesting woman. and quite possibly my domineering superhero is somewhere waiting for me to make my dream come true. I foresee some outraged comments, but Grandpa Freud agrees with me. You will not argue with Freud, who knew a lot about female sexuality?
Are you interested in more articles about the relationship between a man and a woman such as:
Feeling strong in a relationship is every woman's dream?
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