First, if a man has a mistress, it means he is looking for spiritual fulfillment (and finds it with another). A sense of self-sufficiency plays an even more important role for the chosen one. Often the other half can deprive him of this pleasure. Naturally, at first, when love and passion rage, a person’s inner emptiness is filled. It seems that the spouse will be an inexhaustible source of inspiration, self-sufficiency and security. What happens when things calm down? Often people destroy themselves and each other, lose their sense of confidence and personal stability. This happens due to conflicts and misunderstandings. Having lost the most valuable thing with one woman, the faithful begins to look for it in another. And he finds it.
It should be clarified that the problem is not only with the spouse. The blame lies with both, since the partner also needs to work on himself:
- Increase your level of awareness.
- Do not look for confidence in external factors, but create it yourself.
Secondly, you can speak frankly with your mistress. How often do chosen ones reveal their feelings to their other halves? Are you familiar with the situation when you can’t trust the person closest to you, but you can easily trust a stranger. So, with that one, the other person relaxes, allows himself to lose control and open up. Sometimes a mistress is turned on for complaints and release from the burden of emotions. She, unlike his wife, will not be offended, will not use the revealed “weakness” against the husband (in a quarrel), and will not reproach him. It's not beneficial for her.
At the same time, why doesn’t the husband leave his wife? Because it is no longer profitable for him here. Why lose coziness, comfort, etc., if you can live like this? After all, every representative of the stronger half understands that if you make your mistress your wife, you will need to look for a new “vest” for revelations and a partner for sex.
Third - routine (it’s amazing!). Every person needs variety. If the beautiful half always finds something to brighten up their life - even with a banal conversation on the phone - then for the stronger half everything is more limited. There is variety in adventure, radical novelty, and extreme sports. Therefore, seeing a well-groomed beauty in front of him giving ambiguous signals, the faithful will not pass by. And then, if you eat soup every day, won’t you get tired of it? The same is true with my wife.
Why do men cheat on their wives but don’t leave? What else could justify this behavior of the stronger sex? So:
- Finding sexual attraction and chemistry. As you know, the period of sexual desire in any relationship is one and a half to two years. Next, everything is in the hands of young people. Scientists have proven that infidelity also occurs because partners get used to each other’s pheromones. Satiety and a desire to try other, “turn-on pheromones” appear.
- Polygamy, womanizer. Perhaps before marriage your spouse was in an open relationship and sees nothing wrong with having several passions at the same time. The psychology of such guys is as follows:
- The guy doesn't know how to suppress his instincts.
- Doesn't see the point in giving up your desires.
- Literally lives with the thought of “hunting” the victim and achieving the goal.
- Encountering disapproval from society and, of course, his wife, he tries to free himself from the bounds of decency and secretly commits adultery.
- He would rather leave his family than give up his desired lifestyle.
- A child has appeared in the family. Firstly, the beloved automatically loses her attractiveness. Many husbands cannot even make love to the mother of their child at first. Secondly, even if the guy doesn’t mind, the girl is against it. After all, from now on she doesn’t need sex, she got what she wanted from her husband - she became a mother. Thirdly, even if both want each other, sex is often impossible - time and attention are spent on the baby. The young mother is near the child both day and night. Sometimes a couple goes into rooms for a while - she and the baby in one, he in another. It seems that this is being done for the good (for example, the spouse gets up early, and the baby screams at night), but, alas, such a benefit only alienates the couple. So the weak-hearted faithful is forced to look for a replacement. Of course, he will not leave the family, but for some time he will switch to his mistress, who will make up for the sexual and emotional loss.
- Incompatibility in bed. There are beautiful people who have not yet acquired full femininity and have not had time to discover in themselves those sexual sides that attract the opposite sex. And there are those who have all the qualities, but are simply still inexperienced and are constrained when it comes to bed. But your partner may have non-standard needs for sex. And if he fails to fulfill his fantasies with a legal one, sooner or later he will start an illegal one. He will find exactly the one that is ready for extreme tests and will even add his own spices. By the way, if the husband is decent, conscientious and not capable of long-term infidelity, he can find himself a passion for one night, but still try what he really wants.
- Perception. The reason for the formed perception of the type: “I can change, but only in such a way that no one knows” is the propaganda of the mass media and television. A person succumbs to the idea that at least once, he must change, because everyone does this. This happens due to youth and inexperience, until the moment when the guy forms his own male point of view. One more point - sometimes a woman gives permission for adultery herself. Perhaps she is sure that this will not happen, but the phrase: “change, but so that I don’t know” is deposited in the subconscious of her beloved. In the future, a woman will pay severely for such words.
Jealousy, selfishness, patriarchy
Why does your partner cheat but not leave? Because he may love you madly, but be blinded by jealousy or revenge. Some men are too jealous by nature. And first of all, they are driven by a feeling of their own inferiority. They may even envy their crush. For example, in a situation where the spouse, compared to the husband, looks much more beautiful, more worthy and more successful. While in the company of acquaintances, at a party, a partner often witnesses his beloved flirting with other males. At the same time, he himself remains unattended.
The chosen one’s wild past will also be a reason for jealousy. Thus, constant control and uncertainty about his own merits drives the husband to despair, which spills over into adultery. The third person helps fill a man’s hole in his self-esteem, as well as heal his wounded pride. The spouse will never leave his beloved, since this type of subconscious definitely likes this life arrangement.
The next reason for affairs is highly developed egoism. A mistress is needed here to:
- Show off to friends, prove that “I’m a man.”
- Experience superiority over others, satisfy the ego.
- Realize libido. If a boy in childhood felt a lack of attention from his mother, growing up, he rushes into all seriousness. A person comes to understand that in the adult world there is more than enough attention - you can get it from any lady!
- Self-affirmation in your own eyes. When there is an inferiority complex that requires implementation.
And here is another interesting reason why a man cheats, but remains in the family. Its name is patriarchy. Some types have the idea in their subconscious that a man is allowed to do it whenever he wants, where he wants and with whomever he wants, but not for a girl. There is some discrimination in this situation. A representative of the stronger sex almost does not take into account his passion; she has no say in the family, and therefore will never file for divorce. The husband's interests come first here. The reason for such a life position is not only patriarchy, but also the father’s behavior model: if in the family where the chosen one grew up, adultery was the norm, then do not be surprised that he behaves the same way. A person tends to repeat the parental script.
A not entirely compelling, but noteworthy reason is women's indifference to their appearance. As in the previous case, the example of the parental family plays a significant role here. If the mother didn’t care about the appearance and order of the apartment, then her daughter most likely won’t care either. Especially when the chosen one no longer arouses much interest, and children become the lady’s only concern. Of course, the spouse will go “left” at the first opportunity. And he will be with his wife only for the sake of habit, children and convenience.
And finally, let's talk a little about another scent.
People of the opposite sex often do not know that body odor plays a huge role in their choice. And this is genetic. If the smell is repulsive, no vapor will form. If it attracts, people start dating.
When the chosen one goes “to the left”, the other half will certainly smell the scent of his rival. Even if the husband took a shower, doused himself with deodorant three times and took a walk, the wife still smells different. Therefore, no matter how much the husbands hide their adventures, the lady’s sensitive nature will always be aware.
“Why doesn’t he leave his wife?” - This is a question often asked to psychologists by lovers who are exhausted by waiting. Really, why? After all, he says that he has stopped loving his wife, that he loves his new girlfriend, that he cannot live without her... At the same time, he continues the life of the “autumn marathon runner Buzykin,” feeding his beloved with promises and... remains in the family. And this goes on for years...
still from the film "Autumn Marathon"
“Why doesn’t he leave his wife?” - This is a question often asked to psychologists by lovers who are exhausted by waiting. Really, why? After all, he says that he has stopped loving his wife, that he loves his new girlfriend, that he cannot live without her... At the same time, he continues the life of the “autumn marathon runner Buzykin,” feeding his beloved with promises and... remains in the family. And this goes on for years...
List of excuses
It's actually simple. In order for everything to remain the same, the man has good reasons. They are all standard and predictable.
1. The wife became different: she stopped taking care of herself and became unattractive. There has been nothing connecting him and his wife for a long time; they are strangers and simply coexist. Of course, they haven't slept together for a long time.
In fact, this is a lie. In ninety percent of cases, the wife is a normal, attractive woman, with whom he calmly continues to live a normal life. Yes, sex does not happen as often as before, because he is somewhat bored with it, but still he performs “marital duties” as before. It is known that a man needs novelty. A new girlfriend becomes a cure for boredom: she excites him, warms his blood, with her he feels in demand, courageous, desired, and feels young.
2. The wife does not look after the house, children, and neglects household responsibilities. She is only interested in her friends and work.
In fact, in most cases, everything is fine in the family: there is a three-course dinner in the refrigerator, the apartment is cleaned, the children are well-groomed. We all know that modern women try to keep up on all fronts: they go to work, earn money, and in the evenings they work at home, prepare food, and look after their children.
3. “My wife is sick, I’m afraid to upset her. She won’t stand my leaving, it will finish her off.”
Oh, these songs about a sick wife... In fact, the wife is alive and well. If you want to see this, look for her page on social networks.
4. “I only live with her because of the children.”
This may be true. Although having children will not stop most men from getting a divorce if they actually decide to leave the family. You can be a good father even after a divorce.
5. “I’ll get a divorce when the child graduates from school, college, gets a job, gets married, gets married...” (fill in as necessary).
The wait for a child to achieve this or that can last for years or even decades. The child has grown up a long time ago, but things are still there, new reasons are being invented.
6. Your lover must be sent on an important business trip (promoted, etc.), and a divorce will prevent this.
“Not a single man who has a mistress told her that his wife is very good, satisfies him in bed, and is at the same time a good mother and housewife,” says psychologist Victoria Fadeeva. - No one! The psyche of men is designed in such a way that they do not like change, and change their lives only in one case: if they are completely dissatisfied with life with a woman. If a man doesn’t want to change anything, it means only one thing – that he’s happy with everything. There is no other option. If your loved one does not consider it necessary to change anything, it means that they have much more in common with their wife than with you. Each of you plays your roles in this performance. The most profitable role went to your man. You satisfy many of his needs, he has romantic sex, a fairy tale, novelty of sensations, satisfied pride and the ability to control the situation, since at any moment he can get up and leave, citing the fact that his “unloved” wife is waiting for him. But at home he receives satisfaction of a different order, and this “other” is no less important to him than yours. And perhaps more, since he worries about his wife’s psychological comfort, but not about yours. Your beautiful story about how he doesn’t love his wife is your vision of the situation. This is your perspective. You don’t see their relationship, you don’t watch them from the outside, you don’t live that family life...”
He's cozy and comfortable
Why would he, in fact, ruin his life and go somewhere? He has everything: a well-established life, a house, children. When he comes home from work, his family greets him and rejoices. On weekends and holidays, the whole family goes to their parents or goes with the children to a museum or skating rink. Everything is fine with them.
Yes, the man is somewhat bored with family sex, it has become prosaic, it lacks sharpness and novelty. But that's what a mistress is for. She is always waiting, always happy, always ready. She carefully prepares for each date: she puts on makeup, combs her hair, and dresses smartly. Her eyes sparkle, she serves a beautiful dinner, then violent sex with passions takes place. Everything is wonderful! Why should he change anything? Why should he destroy his established life and set off on a “new voyage” with many unknowns?..
Family is not only sex, love, romance
Family is something more. This is a common life, friendship, trust, support. This is a history of relationships, common memories, a single circle of friends, multiple family and friendly ties. Finally, this is a long-term habit. Having a family, a man has a strong social position. To give it up means to find yourself in emptiness. And this is a very difficult feeling.
In addition... How to divide property during a divorce: apartment, car, dacha, garage and much more? Who will the children stay with? After all, they have to pay alimony, and this is a serious burden on the budget. Too many problems pile up, the man turns away from them, he doesn’t need them.
Of course, coming up with reasons why he cannot leave the family, the man realizes that he is deceiving his mistress. This makes it hard for him, he worries in his soul. Then he begins to deceive himself: “Someday later I will do it. Definitely...” He comes up with some deadlines for himself and constantly pushes them back. Now it seems to him that he is not deceiving anyone, but for some reason objective circumstances are getting in the way.
What should the other woman do?
For example, set a condition in front of him: “Get a divorce or it’s all over!” But this can only be done when passions are still strong, when they seethe and boil. During this period, a man is in love, he lost his head from attraction and novelty. This usually happens in the first year of a relationship. And then the usual routine begins to creep up. Even if the relationship continues to exist, it becomes more mundane, ordinary, and is no longer as exciting.
Therefore, if the beloved really understood that this is the man of her life and wants to be with him until the end, then she must set him a condition and a strict deadline: “If you want to be with me, first get a divorce. Now go away. I give you two months to make a decision and do everything. Otherwise it’s over and don’t come back.” And close the door behind him. Do not answer calls, text messages, delete him from your contacts. Unless a woman can stand the separation and breaks down and lets him in again - all is lost. The man will understand that she will always forgive and accept him. Such a relationship can drag on for years and ruin a woman’s life. She will lose several years, grow old, and become rancid. It may take a lot of time to restore peace of mind.
According to statistics, 85 percent of unfaithful husbands do not intend to leave their family, says psychologist Natalya Mikhailova. Other experts give the following figure: only 12% of unfaithful husbands divorce their wives and marry their mistresses. It turns out that only one out of seven or eight men is ready to start building a new life for the sake of their beloved.
“Statistics show that if a man does not change anything in his life within a year from the start of romantic encounters, then with a 99% probability he does not want to build a relationship with this mistress,” continues Victoria Fadeeva. - A love story lasting more than a year is unlikely to have a serious continuation. What to do? Change your behavioral script. Stop being "nice". Claim your rights, set boundaries, set conditions. If your man truly values you, he will accept responsibility for making decisions and stop living in two houses. Having set the conditions, be consistent, do not compromise, think about yourself and your future.”
Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru
So, there are not enough men for everyone.
Some are lucky to grab a piece of simple female happiness, some are in a state of active search, while others do not hesitate to set their eyes on other people’s goods. This is where the card fell. Or love came unexpectedly. Or the devil got me wrong.
Be that as it may, there are a lot of young ladies having affairs with men burdened with a wife, children, mother-in-law, dacha and a small dog. And their hearts are full of hope. But the loving womanizers are in no hurry to pack their bags and fly away from their carefully built family nest. Alas and ah.
It must be said that all the stories of love triangles are similar to each other, like the scripts of Brazilian TV series. Over the last hundred years, men's fantasies have not become one iota more diverse. The same most curious story wanders from mouth to mouth.
We heard, of course. My wife and I have been strangers for a long time. Nothing connects. They haven't slept together for many years. They live only for the sake of their children. When the children grow up a little more, he will make up his mind. Only one thing is amazing. The fact that every young lady who gets caught in the net sincerely believes that in her case everything is so. It is her story that is special. The real truth.
For others, this is melancholy and banality. And we have a fairy tale and a happy ending. And the day is not far off when the betrothed will pack his suitcase and leave the long-disgusted family nest forever.
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However, the years go by, the children grow up, and for some reason the loved one is still in no hurry to leave his wife and begin filing the divorce procedure. Or at least pack your things and move in with your mistress, who is languishing in anticipation of the prince, finding more and more reasons to postpone the X-day.
What are the most common excuses used by unfaithful husbands? Leading the list of reasons that supposedly prevent Hymen from cutting the ill-fated bonds are, of course, children. Of course, it is only for the sake of children that a man continues to support this whole farce called “family life.” Otherwise... My wife is like that. I'll bake it on the side. Yes, we remember. The children will grow up, start their own families, and then... I’m not a kid, I’m thirty years old. And it will be fifty.
The second most common excuses are financial reasons. There are options here. For example, all factories, houses and ships are registered in the name of the spouse, and in the event of a divorce, the spouse will be forced to be left without pants. Well, you understand, dear: we won’t sue this vixen for a penny. We have to wait. I'll decide everything.
The third most popular reason for reluctance to leave the family is the serious illness of the legal spouse (ugh, ugh, ugh). She, poor thing, is supposedly so bad that she will simply stretch her legs without him. A compassionate knight, without fear and reproach, cannot leave the poor thing to the mercy of fate. And the sad news of a breakup will finally cripple the patient. At least ask for a certificate. God bless everyone.
Here, in fact, is a brief summary of the fables that unfaithful spouses treat naive mistresses to. Fairy tales are as old as time. And they seem to last forever.
How are things really going?
Alas. No matter how much girls thirsting for family happiness console themselves with hopes of quiet family happiness, the answer is obvious. If a man does not leave his wife, it means that everything suits him. The current situation completely satisfies him, and he is not going to change anything.
Judge for yourself. Why would he change anything?
He's comfortable. He has a family (quite likely a loved one), a life as comfortable as slippers, established habits and trips to the country on weekends. Everything is fine. Everything is smooth and comfortable.
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Why should he throw away everything that he has acquired through back-breaking labor, where so many emotions have been invested, to which he has devoted his whole life, and start all over from scratch? And who knows what is beyond the horizon? Will they take you back? But you never know... In general, it’s as if something wouldn’t work out.
Yes, the soul sometimes requires novelty. Yes, life has become a little boring. Yes, my wife is a little tired. Why not wipe away a light touch of dust and mold from your established life by diluting your usual routine with a romance with a lovely young (even if not very) nymph? Don't go into all troubles, so to speak. To hang noodles on the young lady's ears. Have fun, and then return to your usual slippers.
And this can last for years.
And he's not going to change anything. And period. And there is no point in making theories.
No matter what those who want to console the suffering lovers of other people's goods say, those who leave, leave. When love is gone, it's gone. And there is no point in pulling the cat by the tail.
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Neither children, nor illness, nor financial factors have ever stopped anyone. When a man wants to leave, he leaves. Immediately and forever. He leaves with one suitcase. He leaves, leaving seven on the benches. He leaves, leaving everything behind, without thinking about anything and without looking back.
And everything else is fairy tales for naive girls. Wait. We will contact you.
So, you have firmly decided - I want to leave my wife. We will talk about the reasons a little later, but now we will highlight the most basic points. If you remember them, the separation will be less painful for each party. It is possible that you will even be able to maintain human relationships.
Be consistent
The worst thing that can happen in the process of breaking up is constant tossing and turning. First the husband leaves, then returns, begs on his knees for forgiveness from his wife, and then again remembers what pushed him to take this step. These tossing slowly but surely burns love out of a woman’s heart, tormenting her and making her nervous and irritable.
So be consistent. If you decide to leave, then first think carefully about all the circumstances, how you will live, how you will arrange your life and other little things. And only then announce your departure.
Talk to yourself first and make these decisions. If you are sure that it is necessary to leave or that it is impossible to stay together, then leave and do not torture either yourself or her.
How to build a conversation
Perhaps your wife feels that your behavior has changed, you are moving away from her. But still, suspicions are one thing, and conversation is completely different. And even in this case, this news will be a shock for her.
Or it may be that she didn’t even think about such a development of events. This is possible for various reasons: she was raised in such conditions that divorce is impossible, but she must save the marriage with all her might; she is too concentrated on work or everyday problems that she does not notice anything around her. In any case, she will have questions, the answers to which you should prepare in advance.
Why?
This is the first question that arises in such a situation. Answer this for yourself first. Situations are different, but in some it turns out that essentially nothing will change, just the woman next to you will change. Whether it is worth leaving in such a situation is up to you to decide. One can hope that it will be better elsewhere, but this hope is weak.
I'm leaving because I have no strength
“I'm leaving because I can't cope. Our child has been seriously ill for six months now. And it’s not a fact that he will get better,” that’s what Nara’s husband said when he was tired of their wanderings around hospitals. Their son was born with multiple pathologies of internal organs. Initially, the doctors didn’t give him a chance; they said that he wouldn’t be able to breathe on his own. But for six months now, Misha and his mother have been fighting for their lives. He breathes on his own, has already undergone 4 operations and still has a long way to go. But my husband decided that it was too difficult for him. He and his wife decided that when Misha had the main operation and his prospects for a full life became clearer, his husband would leave.
Now you can start clicking your tongue or talking about the moral principles of Nara’s husband (yes, in this story we didn’t even give him a fictitious name), but the fact remains: in most families with a seriously ill child, husbands leave. Because it’s easier not to watch all this horror.
She's better than you, she's amazing!
Or you have a mistress who is better than his wife in all respects. If the wife is irritated, disheveled and tired, then the mistress is always affectionate and friendly, neat and friendly. If the house is a mess, which children create at an incredibly fast speed, then the mistress, who does not have children of her own, is always clean and comfortable. And in everything she is better than her wife.
“You are an amazing mother, the best mother in the world. You are a wonderful designer, our home is very beautiful. You are beautiful. But I don’t want to live with you,” Andrei said to Yulia and left her for Alice. Very quickly, Andrei and Alisa got married and had a child. But at some point, Andrei saw that Alice and Yulia had too much in common: the house was in chaos, toys ended up in the most surprising places, and Alice did not always have enough time to take care of herself as before.
We don’t know all the circumstances of Andrei’s life with Yulia, but at first glance it seems that he returned to where he escaped from. And Yulia’s child has grown up and no longer throws toys around, but helps her mother create and maintain comfort at home.
She's pregnant...
A man must marry a woman who is expecting a child from him. And it doesn't matter if he's already married. Or the wife is expecting a child. It happens that men leave their pregnant wife for their pregnant mistress. The situation, of course, is extremely slippery and unpleasant. Here every man must answer himself honestly: to whom does he owe more? Legal spouse or mistress?
And the most offensive thing is that this situation could not have been allowed to happen. But we won’t talk about this this time. You probably know everything yourself.
I'm sick of…
Continue the sentence. What exactly are you tired of? There are problems at work, but your wife not only does not support, but only demands, demands and demands? Is she constantly dissatisfied with everything, dissatisfied even with the fact that she herself is dissatisfied?
Formulate it clearly, point by point. And tell her. If you are sure that if you just talk to her and discuss these points, she still won’t change, then it makes sense to leave. But if you have never tried to discuss with her something that doesn’t suit you, then maybe it’s too early to leave? If your feelings are still alive and you value your wife, then give both of you a chance. Talk, discuss. Give you a trial period, for example 1 month. If after a month absolutely nothing has changed, then you leave, and if there is at least a slight positive dynamic, then you will continue to work on your relationship.
We are too different
You are a night owl, I am a morning person, I love fried potatoes, but for you this is the main enemy of a slim figure. I would drink beer with friends in the evening, and you drag me to the theater. And shopping trips with you are stuck in my liver! We are generally too different!
Have you always been different or have you just become this way now? Surely before this you were simply trying to get along with each other, but then such a desire disappeared. The fact that you are different is not a reason for breaking up a relationship, but a consequence of deeper contradictions or accumulated fatigue. When you find the true cause of the problems that have arisen, you can decide whether a conversation with your spouse will help or there is nothing left to talk about. But nevertheless, the reason for divorce “they didn’t get along” is quite common.
What didn't suit you?
This is another question that usually arises in a woman's mind at the beginning of a conversation. The answer to this follows from the reasons that prompted you to leave. Think through verbatim what you will say to your wife, so that the emotions that inevitably arise in the conversation do not prevent you from saying everything you wanted.
This question is asked, rather, out of a feeling of hopelessness and does not always require an answer. This is a rhetorical question that is asked somewhere into infinity, into the universe. Therefore, when it dawned on him, it was time to stop talking and leave. Then there will be only emotions.
Are you really leaving?
Of course, she finds it difficult to believe that this is happening. And it's even harder to accept. Therefore, when the conversation comes to such questions, there is nothing left to talk about. Yes, you're leaving. Yes, right now. And leave right now. Take only what you need, you will take the rest of the things later. Now give her time to think about everything she heard herself, draw conclusions and comprehend what happened. Don't call or write, even if you're worried. Moreover, if you are worried about her, then why leave. Or are you driven not by concern, but by guilt? Don't confuse these feelings.
Safety precautions
Once you start a conversation, it is difficult to predict in advance how it will go and how it will end. You know your wife and you know what she is capable of. So consider:
- when will you talk? She should be calm and balanced at this moment;
- will you talk? A restaurant or any other public place is the most inappropriate place for this. The fewer witnesses there are, the better and simpler;
- where do you start? The first phrase is very important, it will let her know that the conversation is going to be serious;
Don't start this conversation in the bedroom. No matter what happens to you, the bedroom is a place of relaxation and enjoyment; - You shouldn’t talk in the kitchen either, especially if your wife is impulsive and abrupt. There are too many breakables;
- Are you ready right now to take a minimum of things with you and leave?
- It is you who should leave, because you are the initiator of the breakup. Even if you share this apartment during a divorce, you should still give her time to comprehend what is happening in silence.
When you start a conversation, control yourself and don't let your emotions get the better of you. Be prepared for the fact that she won't be able to handle hers. So no matter what she says, you:
- don't insult;
- do not mention her mother or any other relatives in the conversation, they have nothing to do with it;
- don't say what you didn't mean to say;
- do not give in to her emotions, most likely she wants to hurt you as much as possible;
- do not forget why you started the conversation, even if she presses for pity;
- speak now and only now, you should not return to this conversation in the future. So either say it now, or forget you were going to say it;
- stand your ground to the end, be consistent;
- Do not let go of your hands under any circumstances, you never know what she says out of emotion.
Of course, the separation process cannot be called painless, but you can make it less painful.
In our society, many men do not feel self-sufficient always and everywhere.
At the beginning of a family relationship, the husband’s inner emptiness is covered by his wife. They think they will love each other forever.
For him, a wife is a woman who will always be with him.
Now he feels self-sufficient and safe.
In your family, you yourself can deprive each other of what you then begin to look for in other people:
- The wife may begin to deprive her husband of his sense of self-sufficiency and confidence during frequent scandals, everyday problems or misunderstandings. This happens when spouses have been together for a very long time.
- Time passes, the wife no longer gives that love, which she gave before. And the husband looks for her in the arms of his mistress.
- The spouse no longer gives this feeling of fullness and harmony, the husband begins to look for this feeling on the side.
If all this exactly happens in your relationship, then that is why a married man will have a mistress.
This is a problem not only for the wife, but also for the husband. He had to increase his level of awareness, work on himself and be self-sufficient on his own, without relying on external factors.
2. He found a lover who is just cool to be with
With his wife, the husband often does not feel cool. With my wife it’s a family, it’s love, an idyll and children.
And there is another girl who is cool!
Let's explore in more detail the question of why men have mistresses and the psychology of their thinking, why they secretly spend time with them:
- The mistress helps her husband mentally escape from family and everyday problems.
- He has a mistress with whom he wants intimacy and who turns him on very much.
- He gets himself a girl who delights him.
- A mistress gives those new emotions and sensations that a wife does not give.
- He can talk about things with this new woman that he can never talk to with his wife.
3. Routine, addiction and monotony in the family
Husbands cheat on their wives because they want variety. They want adventure, something new.
There should be no routine life in a family.
A person cannot eat the same yogurt in the morning, at lunch, in the evening and at night. You won't be able to eat this yogurt every day for two weeks because it's not normal and you'll get tired of it.
The same thing can happen in your family.
4. There is no attraction or chemistry between you.
Attraction and chemistry in a relationship lasts 0.5 – 2 years maximum. Then it all ends.
Scientists' opinion about why husbands cheat on their wives is because they become accustomed to their partner's pheromones. Because of this habituation, you are already fed up with each other.
These are the realities of life. Everyone can get fed up.
5. The spouse is polygamous and previously lived in an open relationship
On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it would be correct to mention the following facts:
- Your spouse cannot immediately suppress his instincts, if earlier he gave them complete freedom. He can't stop looking at other women anymore.
- No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest.
- If a man is an alpha male in life, a hunter and a lover, then it will be difficult for him to suppress it within himself.
- The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desires, but he cannot do it openly and cheats.
Therefore, he secretly makes cool mistresses, with whom it is cool and with whom he can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems that arise from it.
6. She gives all her time to the child.
If a child appears in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time only with him at first.
How does a baby affect your sex life?:
- These are constant screams at night that will not allow you to rest together.
- This is caring for the baby, diapering, breastfeeding.
- A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
- Sometimes, when the baby sucks milk from the mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of pleasure. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.
Hence, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.
The husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion together with his mistress.
In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.
7. You feel bad in bed, dissatisfaction
Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.
Your marital games in bed may not satisfy your partner.
Not all women are skilled in bed for the following reasons::
- The wife is very young and not so experienced.
- Some girls are very uptight, do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
- Lack of education and limitations in knowledge.
- Not all wives want to accept their men's fantasies. A man by nature loves to make his extreme fantasies come true. Some people completely refuse to experiment.
If a man has tried this and that, but it doesn’t change or add variety in bed, out of desperation he may find himself a mistress.
Or even just find a walking girl for one night.
After all, if the wife is very bad in bed, a man can find a girl who is simply better in many ways.
The husband can find that girl on the side who makes him just blow his mind in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.
About a different smell
Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman. Even if her husband took a shower or put on perfume, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man suspects nothing, but the woman digs into her head and keeps wondering: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”
And the husband may still naively believe that everything is under control and he is in control of the situation. He does not even suspect that his wife recognized the smell of another.
8. Because of perception “You can change, as long as no one finds out”
Because of television and the mass media, the idea that married men are obliged to cheat is implanted in the brain of a young man from birth.
Guys cheat, even though they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and a common occurrence, as if in the order of things.
In some families, wives directly make it clear to their partner: “ If you're cheating on me, do it so that I don't find out.».
They actually voice it and say it, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.
Of course, later the wife will regret what she said if the betrayal comes to light.
9. To create jealousy or out of revenge
Some men are very jealous. They may be motivated by selfish motives for cheating.
That is, even because of a simple feelings of envy or inferiority The husband wants to make his wife jealous.
Another reason could be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him at some point.
Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and stroke his pride on the side, taking revenge on his wife.
For example, he sees his wife communicating and flirting with other men at some holiday.
Her husband is often jealous of all men in a row.
He remembers all this, and is looking for a mistress in order to so that now they will be jealous of him.
10. Male patriarchy
Subconsciously, a man has the following belief: “ I can do this with whoever I want, but the girl can’t" Maybe for girls this will be a shocking answer to the question of why men cheat. But this is how our society works.
That is, in this case, the husband puts his interests above his wife and allows himself to go to the left.
A man thinks he has some privileges because of patriarchy in the family.
Also, the reason for betrayal may be that As a child, my husband's father also cheated on his wife.
Now an adult repeats the mistakes of his parents.
11. Selfish motives
The desire to prove to myself and friends “what a cool lover I am”
The reasons for a husband’s infidelity may be the following selfish motives:
- Stroke your ego, feel superior.
Read more about ego and selfishness at the link. - Satisfy your libido.
- From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when the man learned that attention could always be had, all he had to do was do something, the man ventures into the unknown.
- Because of the desire to assert oneself in front of friends, get their approval so that they tell him: “Wow! Probably fried?! Wow, man!
- He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of mastering other women.
After all, this had never been possible for him before. - My husband's friends are bachelors and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to show off something and went to the left.
That is, the reason is to brag to friends.
12. The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself
Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.
The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:
- Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
- Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
- The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
- A woman is no longer attractive.
If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.
Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.
For more information on how to become more self-confident as a woman, we.
13. By alcoholic accident
There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”
And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women, then a drunk husband may forget about his wife by the end of the evening.
After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.
Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.
He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.
Cheating occurs unconsciously.
This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.
Video from the guru
The following video examines the dilemma of why a husband cheats and does not leave the family and his wife. In his opinion, this is due to a lack of love. Learn about all the pitfalls in this video.
Why doesn’t the husband say anything and stay in the family?
Let’s close once and for all the question of why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave them. The most common reasons are the following:
- He doesn't need all this fuss about dividing property.
- He doesn't want to pay child support all his life if he has a child.
- He doesn't want to go to court and fill out all this paperwork.
- He doesn’t want to disrupt the family idyll.
- The husband wants the child to grow up with his father.
- He doesn't need quarrels and scandals.
- He has a family home where there is security, harmony, food and sleep. Why break it?
- It’s so good and cool for him when he can sleep with two girls.
- He is satisfied with the current state of affairs.
Whose fault is this and how to solve the problem
It is worth understanding that both partners are to blame for betrayal. You decide what to do with it next.
But to prevent cheating from happening, the wife should realize the following things::
- She can be both a lover and a wife at the same time.
- A wife can play several roles at the same time, and there will be no betrayal.
- Wives simply lack the correct model of behavior mistress, where she will delight her husband.
All this will help you avoid betrayal and have a happy and harmonious family.
