intimate sphere. Heading “Intimate sphere. Pregnancy after caesarean - terms, features, risks

Often, newlyweds downplay the importance of this area. Sexual disharmony, the loss of intimate feelings is a really unpleasant thing and is fraught with various consequences: from disappointment to nominal breakdown of marriage. First of all, because intimate relationships themselves are an integral part of the life of any person. In itself, sexual contact has lost its direct physiological significance for a person and has become a bouquet of various personal meanings. Even on the condition that the spouses try not to pay attention to such a sad fact that in their relationship, she will imperceptibly, according to the law of circular causality, undermine all their other areas.

Easy accessibility, excessive intimacy and the monotony of sexual relations can lead to satiety, a decrease in mutual attractiveness and a decrease in the activity of sexual needs. Often this is interpreted in terms of the partner's inherent shortcomings in terms of possible betrayals.

On the other hand, the harmony of sexual relations is far from the main condition for a happy marriage. A fairly large number of women who have never received sexual satisfaction in marriage, however, recognized him as happy.

Family happiness equally rests on the mental, spiritual and sexual adaptation of people. The strength of physical joys often depends on the strength of spiritual joys. The greater the sympathy, affection or psychological attraction, the brighter the bodily joys. When there is no magnifying lens of psychological gravity over physical attraction, bodily joys seem to pass through the filters of emotional indifference - they dim and lose their brightness.

Personally - identification sphere

Primary attraction is often based on three stages: the first is interest (as well as liking, or attraction), so we say: "I like him (her)." This is quite enough for the first approximation. The second - passion, falling in love (as well as admiration and enthusiasm) create a certain intensity, knock out of the rhythm. It is difficult for a person to live in a state of passionate excitement; from this, passion must either go out or be satisfied. The third stage is respect, devotion and love. Love that has passed through all three phases of development is a feeling for life.

But this is a fairly generalized picture, if we consider this topic in more detail, we can see that the relationship that has begun is strengthened due to the reactions of others, obtaining the status of a couple, a feeling of comfort and calmness in the presence of each other. As a result, the couple enters the stage of mutual commitment and intimacy, which further attracts partners to each other. Having bound themselves by mutual obligations, they study each other's views and values. At this stage, the couple is often ready to make the decision to marry.

The premarital period reflects the process of interaction of marriage partners before marriage, including the acquisition by young people of the experience of communicating with the opposite sex, as well as emotional, business interaction and the choice of a marriage partner. Desires, aspirations, leading needs and personal preferences act as the basis for the formation of a new married couple.

The independence of modern young people contributes to early psychological and moral maturity, on which personal interaction in marriage depends. Courtship and premarital socialization is a period when relationships become a special area and value in people's lives.

In the development of relationships, premarital acquaintance and courtship are of particular importance. 2/3 of acquaintances occur during leisure activities, in transport, shops, etc. The very situation of dating affects the informativeness and duration of premarital courtship. Informativeness depends on the process of partners recognizing each other, which is important for the emergence of close relationships and well-being in a married couple. The duration of premarital courtship may be related to the psychological meaning of this period - the accumulation of joint experiences and impressions.

In recent years, we have seen very big changes in almost all spheres of life. Rapid technological progress, the economic crisis, the redistribution of political spheres of influence in the world, new directions and concepts in culture, clashes of views - all this indicates the formation of a different reality in the social structure. We can already observe the features of this “new” and, first of all, they are reflected in the relations between people. The family and intimate spheres of life, as the basis of the foundations of human society, were the first to undergo changes.

Recently, people are increasingly coming to the reception with complaints about the impossibility of existing in the traditional framework of the family. Observance of the old foundations, the way of family relations leads couples to frequent conflicts, misunderstanding and, as a result, to divorces. How else, if, often, people, in order to return from work to the same place every day, that same family nest, need to spend an hour or two in a traffic jam? Sometimes couples live in different countries at all, due to circumstances, and one (more progressive) is calm about such a model, and the second is pressured by traditional ideas, he is constantly under stress. The result - a break in relationships, extramarital affairs, attacks of jealousy, up to obsessive, nervous breakdowns. And most importantly - unhappy, exhausted children. What's the way out? What to do?

There is such a thing as "principle of systems". If at least one element in the system changes, the whole system changes and this is inevitable. So the family system will never be the same, as there have been changes in society as a whole and in the minds of people. Many can no longer follow traditional customs. And soon we will see and will have to accept new stereotypes and norms in family relations. It will be a revolution in consciousness. And everything is ready for this.

It is from the fact that families continue to try to exist within the framework of the old model that conflicts occur. The new model will mean more freedom for spouses. These are both guest marriages and marriages at a distance, without fidelity obligations (although this is difficult to accept). Most already live like this, but at the same time they deceive each other, which becomes a source of additional problems. Sexual fidelity will not be given much attention, and not because of the depravity of society, but because a person has begun to relate differently to his time, to his desires and health. Even within the family, he wants to remain a separate person with the full range of possibilities of a free person.

Marriages will mainly be created around children and this is not necessarily a stamp in the passport. There is a child or children, there are parents and there are obligations. This is upbringing on agreed terms, a financial and moral contribution, or participation in this upbringing. If people remain close in an intimate way, then between them there are obligations of a hygienic nature. For example, one spouse goes to the side, and the other adheres to traditional values, stays at home and brings up children (usually a woman). In such situations, the reward for virtue can be very exquisite illnesses. A huge role is also played by financial obligations between spouses, who is responsible for which area of ​​life, which item of expenses pays, etc.

The new model will solve all these issues. The spouses will negotiate "on the shore", as they say. It is possible that they will decide and follow the traditional or outdated way, but this will be a mature decision against the backdrop of all possible choices. And this will immediately remove the problem of conflicts and inconsistencies between real life and the depicted one. The topic of marriage contracts will get a second wind. They will display the maximum number of details and nuances of family life and the possibility of resolving problems. Here is such a perspective. The most painful thing is the realization of a new reality, the acceptance of new norms. But this is inevitable!

The changes will also affect the intimate sphere. Partners in a pair will be more active. Such a sad phenomenon as a long-term coexistence of people, of which one wants carnal pleasures, has serious sexual needs, and the other, not needing this area, will also reproach the first for his activity, will go into the past. An active person either suffers for years, or is deceived. As a result of the changes that we are talking about, people will become more conscious of couples, will be more oriented towards matching sexual preferences, and will improve themselves and relationships by developing their sexuality, knowledge and skills in this area. There is already a lot of literature, practical courses and specialists for women, for men and for the couple as a whole, which can both strengthen and develop depth and maintain intrigue in the life of sexual partners. This does not mean that the classic "missionary" pose has become obsolete, no! It’s just that we have become more mobile, we no longer lie like a log, we don’t hide under a blanket or behind a curtain. We have had sex in our country for a long time. Sex before marriage is the norm. And everything new once becomes the norm of life.

Love relationships between a man and a woman, no matter how they develop - slowly and gradually or lightning fast and dizzyingly - eventually lose their former passion and become familiar, if not boring, and can cause a break. What is happening to us?

“Dear, I have a terrible headache today ...”

“Honey, I’m sorry, not now, I urgently need to finish the report…”

“Darling, I don’t feel well ... let’s better tomorrow?”

"You lie down, dear, do not wait for me until late."

Love relationships between a man and a woman, no matter how they develop - slowly and gradually or lightning fast and dizzyingly - eventually lose their former passion and become familiar, if not boring, and can cause a break.

Insipid sex does not cause, as before, a storm of sensations, the partner becomes predictable, and passionate hugs and kisses turn into the fulfillment of marital duty.

What is happening to us?

Why do we now invent reasons to refuse a partner, although before we were looking for any excuse and did not miss a single opportunity to have sex?

Has love gone, and with it the desire?

And now what i can do? Go in search of new adventures, changing partners like gloves, or withdraw into yourself, accumulating bad experience, resentment and continuing this endless run around the circle of life?

Or maybe sex is far from the main thing in life and you can do without it? It is more important to keep the family for the sake of children... the status of a married person for the sake of a career... to stay close, because he will disappear without me...

Intimate recesses of the psychology of love and sex

The psychology of sexual relations is an intimate sphere of every person's life, in which, as in any other sphere, individual innate psychological qualities are manifested - a set of vectors.

The type of sexuality, the range of sexual acceptability, exciting factors, attitudes towards changing a partner and sexual preferences - all this can be accurately determined in just a few minutes of communication with a person, based on thinking in the categories of system-vector psychology.

We are very simple!

Our words, behavior, deeds and even appearance are a manifestation of the inner world, those qualities that are inherent in us from birth and which are impossible - and not necessary! - to change, but which can be realized, and use the best that is in each of us, without trying to rebuild or rebuild someone for yourself.

I don't want a husband... what should I do?!

Why does desire disappear? For what reason is the once passionate lover no longer exciting? What changed?

The period of mutual attraction is over - approximately a three-year period during which sexual desire holds us together. The period of falling in love, passion, honeymoons, the time when we like each other all and what you don't like is easily compensated by good sex.

We are sure that this is it, happiness, and it will always be so, but this always ends in three years, and we see before us not the object of our passion, but simply a person with all his pluses and minuses. This is where the problems begin. Claims, disappointments, insults, reproaches ...

Our relationships do not work out, not because such is our fate, fate, fate, or something else supernatural, but because we are trying to revive a sand castle instead of building a house with a strong foundation. We had a whole three-year period at our disposal ...

Elementary, as ancient as the world, sexual attraction for creating long-term relationships for such a complex and multifaceted being as Man has long been insufficient. Sex has long ceased to be a mating for procreation, and has become an emotional connection, intellectual unity, spiritual interpenetration.

Yes, at first, like 50 thousand years ago, we are attracted by sex, and only then the question arises: “What about talking ?!” But three years later, it is precisely this “what to talk about ?!” can end in good sex as a continuation of psychological intimacy with physical intimacy, but not vice versa.

At the root of our relationship becomes something much more than “I want you here and now!” It is embodied in joint work, creativity, children, everyday life, common goals, development and, of course, excellent sexual relationships of a much higher level.

Our sexuality is determined by the lower vectors - skin, urethral, ​​muscle and anal. They form libido, are responsible for attraction to the opposite sex with the aim of procreation. The upper vectors - visual, oral, sound and olfactory - give this or that type of sexuality a characteristic color, introducing their own nuances and finally forming preferences regarding partners.

Female and male sexuality differs in that metaphysically, a man gives (ejaculate, food, provision, etc.), and a woman receives. The specific role of any woman is the birth and feeding of offspring. The exception is a skin-visual woman who does not give birth and does not belong to anyone.

royal passion

The most voluminous, four-dimensional libido is the urethral vector. The leader responsible for the future of the pack is able to ensure this future in every sense, up to the birth of the next generations and the transfer of the entire gene pool of the pack in time. His attraction to women “not taken” for any reason (illness, age, loss of a husband, social non-adaptation, etc.) is designed to ensure the complete transfer of the pack's gene pool into the future and is a manifestation of his animal altruism and polygamy.

He is capable of almost any sexual experiment, as he is not limited by any prohibitions or limits.

The stormy sexuality of the urethral leader makes him desirable to any woman, since she subconsciously knows that the birth of offspring in this case is guaranteed to her by nature. However, very few such outstanding personalities are born - no more than 5 percent, moreover, only half of them survive to childbearing age.

The problem of the fading of sexual desire in a pair with a urethral is not worth it as such, because it is not created for long-term, and even more so family relationships with one woman, among its values ​​there is no concept of fidelity to a sexual partner, there is not even the concept of “my woman”, since for him prioritization of the general over the particular. For him, the interests of the pack are more important, his tasks are more global.

His woman, corresponding to the highest rank of the leader, is a ranking female - the skin-visual Muse, who does not give birth, but inspires him to the greatest feats.

The logic of sex

The rationality and logical thinking of the skin vector manifests itself in sexual relations as well. The choice of a partner is due to both attraction and the receipt of any benefit from the existing relationship.

Prudent and economical, they do not spend too much time and resources on charming the chosen one or the chosen one, comparing the effort expended and possible "dividends". In sex, he (she) also saves effort, time, emotions and is primarily concerned with his own feelings.

A special exciting moment for any representative of the skin vector is the novelty factor, in this regard, they are prone to frequent change of partners or adultery, considering this behavior just a desire to have fun without any long-term plans or serious intentions. This occurs when the skin vector is underdeveloped or insufficiently implemented in society.

Only skinners, trying to explain their love for novelty, call it an innate tendency to polygamy, although in fact they are not.

Possessing especially sensitive skin (secondary erogenous zone of representatives of the skin vector), dermatologists enjoy touching, stroking, kissing - the initiation of their erogenous zone. This property of theirs can turn into a love for sado-masochistic role-playing games if they were subjected to physical punishment in childhood, when the beaten skin child adapts to pain so much that it begins to experience pleasure from hitting the skin.

Decency and taboo

Representatives of the anal vector are endowed with the most complex libido - undifferentiated, i.e. directed at both sexes. Thus, nature ensures that the anal sexes fulfill their specific role - the transfer of information about the war and hunting to teenage boys. In the case of full development and realization of the innate properties of the anal vector, the undifferentiated libido of the anal man is successfully sublimated, and he becomes the best teacher, sincerely in love with his vocation and his students. Sexual attraction is completely curtailed, turning into teaching talent and love for children in the best sense of the word.

Underdevelopment, lack of realization, social and sexual frustrations can lead to the emergence of homosexual and pedophilic thoughts in representatives of the anal vector.

Twice tabooed (by nature and culture) the secondary erogenous zone - the anus - makes the anal sex especially preoccupied with observing all the norms of decency, the fear of disgrace makes you listen and value public opinion, focus on the past increases the value of traditional views in everything and creates a wary attitude towards everything new.

A rigid, sedentary psyche, weak adaptability and a hostile perception of innovations significantly narrow the range of sexual acceptability of the representatives of the anal vector.

Adherents of traditions and opponents of change, analniks are exactly those people who will try their best to maintain their usual relationships, even if they have lost their former attractiveness and mutual attraction. They are ready to endure painful relationships for years, rationalizing for themselves such an act as a noble decision “for the sake of the children” or for the reason “what people say”, at the same time accumulating sexual frustrations that can result in domestic tyranny and cruelty towards their own children.

Sometimes, in need of additional initiation of their secondary erogenous zone, a woman or man with an anal vector is embarrassed even to admit it to himself, let alone tell his partner about it. A man regards such a desire as a manifestation of homosexual thoughts, and therefore unacceptable for himself, and a woman, due to conservatism or also existing frustrations, considers it indecent. The attitude of women to anal sex changes if the partner manages to sexually open his companion - in this case, the anal woman will prefer anal sex to vaginal.

In the case of sexual shortages, precisely in terms of initiating a secondary erogenous zone in a woman, such dissatisfaction may manifest itself as too much concern with cleaning up the house, up to daily general cleaning, or vice versa, breeding food dirt around oneself.

It's time to give birth

Special sexuality in representatives of the most numerous vector - muscle. These are simple people who live by providing their basic desires - to eat, drink, breathe, sleep, maintain body temperature in the landscape and continue themselves in time.

Deriving pleasure from physical labor, they choose their partners in life according to diligence, i.e., the same muscular people.

Reaching childbearing age, a muscular woman feels the need to give birth to a child, so she seeks to get married. Gives birth easily and a lot, often having a large family. Attitude towards sex solely as a means of procreation. Both men and women are suspicious of sexual relations outside the family, because it is “not human”. They live together all their lives without changing their partner, because they see no reason to do this.

Influence from above

The basis of sexual attraction is, of course, the lower vectors, but the influence of the upper ones, especially the dominant (sound or olfactory) vectors, is very significant.

The most amorous, emotional and sensitive visual vector in sexual relations attaches special importance to a romantic setting - flowers, gifts, subdued lights, bedding and underwear, appearance or sincerity of feelings of a partner.

For a woman with a visual vector, an emotional connection with a partner is more important than for any other. The skin-visual woman, who by nature does not give birth, is generally the founder of a culture that has transferred sex from the category of mating to the category of emotional intercourse, mutual enjoyment, intimate love play.

Only a skin-visual woman is able to give a night of love to a young warrior who does not know a woman, but goes to his first battle at dawn. She does it out of compassion, not out of licentiousness. In the undeveloped state of vectors, the same skin-visual woman, as the bearer of the victim complex, becomes a victim of sexual violence.

One of the dominant ones - the sound vector - is asexual, its values ​​lie outside the material world, which he perceives as an illusion, as well as the needs of his own body, including sexual ones. The presence of a sound vector in a person lowers the libido of any of the lower vectors, except for the urethral one, with which he does not manifest himself at the same time, making such a person at different times either pure urethral or purely sound.

Being dominant, the sound vector requires the satisfaction of its needs in the first place, relegating the desires of other vectors to the background.

Sound shortages can lead to a complete lack of sexual desire for a partner until the sound vector is filled, at least partially. Only after that, other vectors, including those responsible for libido, will have the opportunity to express themselves and express their desires.

It is the spouses of sound engineers who most often ask the question: “What if the husband has cooled down?”, Trying to find the reason in themselves, life circumstances or domestic issues. At the same time, most often the sound engineer himself is not able to realize and even more so explain to someone his shortcomings.

In sexual relations, sounds play an important role for a sound engineer - music or complete silence, the sound of the surf or the sounds of the forest, hot whispers or passionate confessions.

The second dominant vector, olfactory, is guided by its desire for complete melancholy when choosing a partner. The less a person is emotional, the less sharp and unpleasant for the olfactory person is his smell. This is a peculiar nuance that the presence of the olfactory vector introduces into the choice of a partner by attraction, carried out by the lower vectors.

A piquant feature of the oral vector in the sexual sphere is its love for kissing, oral sex (not to be confused with skinners, they also like to receive oral sex, as it stimulates the most sensitive areas of the skin), talking during sex and screaming. His secondary erogenous zone - lips, mouth, tongue - must be constantly occupied, which provides additional pleasure from the initiation of this erogenous zone.

A guide to love relationships between a man and a woman

System-vector psychology, explaining the most intimate psychological mechanisms, provides a unique tool for building sexual relations between partners.

Awareness of your own needs and desires of a partner provides an opportunity to take a different look at your sex life, make it more complete and varied, while receiving and giving exactly what can bring special pleasure to both of you.

Sex is both a beginning and an end in the sense that every relationship begins with sexual attraction, providing a chance to build a higher level relationship that can last love relationships for many years. To create relationships in which intimate life is mutual disclosure, deep psychological penetration, embodied in physical intimacy, and bringing not only bodily pleasure, but also psychological comfort and joy at the mental level.

How to bring it to life, you will learn at the training of Yuri Burlan. . Join free online lectures to take the first steps in a deeper understanding of yourself and your loved one. You can register

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

After childbirth, global changes occur in the woman's body: the hormonal background normalizes, the structure and functions of the uterus are restored. Against the background of these processes, the woman's menstrual cycle resumes, which, unfortunately, can be pathological. Often in the postpartum period, the fair sex is concerned about abundant menstrual flow.

Unpleasant smell of discharge after childbirth: causes and solutions to a delicate problem

After the birth of the child, the placenta is disconnected from the uterus, and this process causes multiple violations of the integrity of the vessels and capillaries that previously connected them together. Together with the blood, fragments of the placenta come out, as well as dead particles of the endometrium (the inner mucous membrane of the body of the uterus) and other traces of the vital activity of the fetus inside the womb. Discharge after childbirth is perceived as ...

Yellow discharge after childbirth: normal or cause for concern

The birth of a child is a great stress for the female body. This process entails a number of not very pleasant consequences. Young mothers, especially if this is the first birth, many moments are alarming. For example, it is yellow discharge from the genital tract. How normal are they? In what period should they appear and when will they end? How to distinguish between the limits of the norm and the signs of the disease?

Pregnancy after caesarean - terms, features, risks

When one child appears in a family, after some time, many mothers begin to think about a second or even a third baby. At the same time, in connection with the mass prevalence of childbirth by caesarean section, the question inevitably arises about the timing, features and possible complications of a new pregnancy.

Some signs indicating the increased importance of the sexual sphere have already been considered in connection with the analysis of human drawings. These are the underlining of sex signs typical for adolescents, indicators of emotional load in their depiction (dramatically increased pressure on the pencil), extravagant clothing (expressively underlined low-lying belt), in the depiction of the navel (see Fig. 12, 13, 44).

The image of a naked or semi-nude figure also speaks of the high significance of the sexual sphere (Fig. 54). Eleven-year-old Inga drew "a ballerina in a bathing suit who is about to dance." As mentioned, the image of not just a person, but a certain character is a sign of demonstrativeness, especially if this character (like a ballerina), due to its individual or professional qualities, is the object of everyone's attention. The high demonstrativeness of the girl is also evidenced by a large number of jewelry: a rose on the bodice, lace, elegant gloves, patterned stockings. Inga's drawing, along with signs of demonstrativeness and increased interest in the sexual sphere, also shows a specific pose with hands covering the genital area. This position of the hands is interpreted as an indicator of the desire to control one's sexual impulses. Perhaps, in this case, the need for increased self-control is associated with the girl's feeling of her lack of orientation in life. In the drawing, this feeling is reflected in the unstable posture of the ballerina.

The sexual symbolism in the drawings of boys differs little from that in the drawings of girls (Fig. 55).

Just like Inga, Sasha has an interest in the sexual sphere, which is ahead of the age norm. It manifests itself in the image of an almost completely naked character, in emphasizing the chest and genital area. The presence of male nipples in the drawing is interpreted as a reflection of sexual symbolism, regardless of the way they are depicted, but in this case it should be analyzed separately. Sasha depicted the male chest in the way that a female is usually depicted. In his drawing there are signs of the opposite sex (female breasts in a man), which indicates an unformed gender identity. Consequently, Sasha's interest in the sexual sphere appears in its purest form, and not as a manifestation of a general advance in psychosexual development. Such an advance should have manifested itself in a fairly mature gender identification.

On fig. 56 shows a carefully rendered effect of transparent clothes. This is the same sign of the high significance of the sexual sphere, as well as the image of a naked (half-naked) character. In a relatively adult person, such a special significance of the sexual sphere usually signals some kind of trouble in relations with the opposite sex.

Avoidance of sexual themes

The departure from topics related to the sexual sphere is manifested in the absence of an image of the lower half of the human body or in the image of only the face. This usually refers to a drawing of a person of the opposite sex (Fig. 57, 58).

Sixteen-year-old Sophia drew the girl to her full height, but positioned the young man so that the lower part of his body was hidden by the table. There are signs of emotional stress in the image of the young man (increased pressure on the pencil, corrections). This suggests that Sophia's departure from sexual issues is associated with a tense attitude towards this area. It can have various reasons: unfavorable previous experience, general ideas about the undesirability or prohibition of sexual relations, distrust of the opposite sex.

A similar combination of avoidance of sexual problems with a tense attitude towards this area is also observed in Fig. 58.

One of the most common signs of serious trouble in the sexual sphere is the manifestation of a particularly significant emotional load when depicting the chest, hips, and genital area. On fig. 59 the chest is depicted with multiple lines with increased pressure. The genital area is also drawn in detail, which in the first (subsequently erased) version of the drawing was hidden by a skirt.

The picture as a whole contains pronounced signs of anxiety (corrections, multiple lines), high emotional tension (increased pressure), fears (dark glasses). A carefully drawn hairstyle, beads and earrings speak of high demonstrativeness.

We can talk about a significant acceleration of psychosexual development, accompanied by serious problems in the sexual sphere. This may be the result of either physiological disorders that led to super-early sexual development (hormonal disorders, organic damage to the hypothalamic region of the brain), or indecent acts committed with the child. It was not possible to establish the cause of deviations in psychosexual development. Consultation with an endocrinologist is recommended.

In the perception of Ilya, a woman is a source of threat; she is aggressive (at least verbally) and potentially dangerous. It is depicted as an adult woman rather than a girl. This suggests that the image of his mother is behind the boy's ideas about a woman. However, the pronounced sexual symbolism (underlined breasts) indicates that the drawing should be interpreted more generally - as an image of "a woman in general."

The connection of the generalized image of a woman with the mother figure was emphasized by Z. Freud. It is especially strong in cases of the persistent Oedipus complex. It can be assumed that violations in the relationship with the mother (overprotection, excessive pressure) led to a pronounced fear of women in general. At the same time, in adolescence, the problem of relationships with the opposite sex is always highly significant. It is very likely that it was the significance of these relationships, combined with extremely negative expectations, that was one of the reasons that caused Ilya's unfavorable psychological state (anxiety and autism noted above).

The mother characterizes Ilya as a nervous child experiencing serious difficulties in contacts with people.

According to her, adverse manifestations were present before, but have sharply increased in the last six months. This information is consistent with the hypothesis put forward as a result of psychological examination. Family therapy is recommended to overcome existing difficulties.