A group of people on the beach were loudly discussing some mutual friend. Opinions are clearly divided.
Or rather, the middle-aged blonde had her own opinion, and everyone else was trying to prove to her that she was wrong.
And I think that this is a real betrayal! - the blonde said passionately. - Leaving a family with two children, one of whom is only a year old, is beyond my understanding. Well, how’s that, huh?.. A year ago, it means he loved his wife, planned to have a child, and then one day he stopped loving him?.. And the most important thing that I can’t wrap my head around is why won’t anyone even judge him for this? They don’t stop shaking hands, saying hello, or whispering behind your back?..
Come on! - the balding, plump man answered her peacefully. - Why condemn me, you’ll say the same! Well, a person falls out of love, it happens... We don’t serfdom. In the end, he left his wife, but not his children. He still remained a father to his children! Pays child support, calls, communicates...
Oh, hold me seven! Alimony! - the blonde was seething. - Ten for three of them, considering that his wife is on maternity leave - this is a merit, or what?.. “He remained a father”, it’s even funny! In three months, he called his eldest, eight-year-old daughter four times, and once took her out for a walk on her birthday - an awesome father! And the youngest will not know him at all... The father is the one who raised him! And in order to raise children, you have to live with them, that’s it!.. There’s the mother - like a squirrel in a wheel all day! Feed, take a walk, clean, read books. She has no time for herself at all!.. It’s called raising children. And he sees me more than once a month on holidays!..
Well, I don’t understand what you want? - a couple of about twenty-five almost entered into an argument in unison. - What was he supposed to do? Living with an unloved woman through force, or what? Without love?? Just for the sake of the children?
What do I want? I want things to be called by their proper names, that’s it!.. I didn’t “divorce”, but ran away from difficulties! He didn’t “left”, but abandoned his wife and children! He showed selfishness, meanness and cowardice!.. I want my friends to turn away from such people, and marrying a divorced man who left children in the marriage was a shame! Well, or, by at least, the lot of losers for whom nothing else shines in life... Just imagine, what if a woman did this - she left the children to her husband and went to new life, what kind of condemnation would she have to endure? Why don’t we condemn men? What's the difference, basically?..
How do you feel about men who left families with small children?
Do you condemn it, consider it a betrayal? I gave birth to a child - grow up first, and then go in all four directions...
Or do you think that everyone has their own right, and if a man pays what he owes by law, then well done? And if he calls from time to time and asks how the children are doing, is he even a hero?
What do you think?
Falling in love between a man and a woman is a wonderful and very pleasant feeling that excites the soul and the whole nature. But the attitude of a man and a woman to falling in love and the relationship itself between them can be very different. It all depends on specific people, however there are some general trends. A woman is usually committed to a long-term, stable relationship with one man.
If she likes a man and suits her, she really wants to start a family with him. There are also men of this type who are committed to long-term serious relationship with a woman and even ready to marry if they also like the woman and are suitable. The main thing is not to overdo it with jealousy and not to search on the Internet for how to install an SMS interceptor on your other half’s phone.
If the husband wanted to leave
How sad it is to realize the fact that Lately The bonds of marriage do not instill any responsibility in the representatives of the stronger sex.
However, sometimes both women and especially men leave their partners in the midst of an affair.
Men leave their family with the same ease with which they created it, without experiencing either shame or torment of conscience. But, you see, a man doesn’t leave his family “because of a good life,” right? This means that the reason for leaving lies much deeper, namely in the behavior of the woman from whom the man left. Experts in the field of family psychology claim that this is exactly the case, with the exception of a few points related to the temperament and character of the man.
If your husband wants to leave the family, there is no need to panic, cry for several nights in a row, take antidepressants and tearfully beg him to stay.
It is necessary to think, so to speak, with a “cool head,” even if it is not easy, and answer two questions: “For what reason does he want to leave?” and “Is it worth returning it?”
What to do if a man leaves you
If a man leaves a woman. then this is a big blow for her. She perceives this as the end of the world, waits for at least some explanation for this, tries to understand why this could happen.
But even people close to each other cannot always explain themselves.
A man most often hurts a woman, feels awkward, is ashamed of it and wants to leave quickly without any explanation. And the woman continues to hope that their relationship will be restored and will continue. For a woman, this is a shock, the world around her seems to stop, a sea of tears begins to storm, a treacherous pain inside burns her, her hands give up, self-esteem falls, and her legs do not want to go further, because there is nowhere to go.
he doesn’t love her and never loved her, he just wanted to have fun and have a good time. feelings were killed by everyday problems.
I couldn’t stand the jealousy, I was tired of the constant scandals.
The husband doesn’t want to leave his mistress – should he let him go or force him to leave the other one?
Why do husbands even have mistresses? How does it happen that quite wealthy men, who have a charming housewife-wife and beloved children waiting at home, go to great lengths and have affairs on the side and sometimes even leave such a seemingly ideal family?
The husband does not leave his mistress because she suits him in all respects. They do not have a common life. The mistress is always well-groomed and beautiful, she is going on a date. A wife is a loved one, with whom, however, there were many situations, both pleasant and not so pleasant. Every detail, every day matters. Relationships are all episodes life together taken together. If at some stage there is a failure, then problems in the family are likely.
Valeria, 45 years old: “My husband has a mistress, young, well-groomed, beautiful.
How to make your husband leave his mistress
Treason is the reason for the emergence of the most powerful negative emotions: pain, resentment, anger, disappointment, fear and incredible sadness.
Only very reserved women can keep all these feelings inside and objectively assess the situation. What to do if your husband has a mistress, how to return the unfaithful person to the family and revive old feelings? Let's stay calm, gather all our strength and follow our advice!
First of all, you need to control your emotions. Screams, scandals, anger and attempts to convict him of infidelity will not bring anything good except irritation on his and your part.
Most of all, men hate the so-called “sawmill”, when instead of have a delicious dinner, affection and attention, another debriefing awaits him at home, starting from scattered socks and ending with various suspicions.
Why do men leave? What pushes a man to leave his family?
There is an opinion that all men are polygamous.
Maybe this is why a man cannot resist with one girl and constantly cheats, the representative of the fairer sex thinks. Biologically, the rule of survival in men is expressed by the need to leave behind as much as possible. large quantity offspring, and for a woman - to preserve this offspring and put it on its feet. To avoid separation you just need to accept the laws of nature. When a woman is constantly jealous of her chosen one, she not only expresses distrust in him, but also limits his freedom.
For a man, this is a kind of beacon, an irritant.
Such relationships will not last long. To avoid such a fate, build as much trusting relationship and learn to talk calmly about sex. If we talk about a woman’s idea of an ideal relationship, then they look like a bouquet of respect, tender attitude towards each other, trust, support, love, affection, acceptance of yourself as you are, sexual satisfaction, the possibility of self-realization, the feeling that you are not alone, that you are a desirable partner and in the future the possibility of procreation.
How does a man feel when he leaves his family?
As it is sung in one song, known to many: “The most important thing is the weather in the house...”, and this weather is created by a woman.
The atmosphere of the house depends on her wisdom and cunning. And, if the husband left the family, then the woman herself is partly to blame. To prevent the head of the family from leaving the family, analyze your relationships in advance and do “work on mistakes” - maybe it’s not too late to save the marriage and peace in the family. After several years of living together, the passion fades away, work and everyday life are sucked in.
Family life becomes like Groundhog Day. We need to bring in something new, bright, causing a surge of positive emotions.
For example, arrange romantic dinner, buy tickets to the match of your husband’s favorite team, etc. Read also: How to remain a mystery to a man and strengthen relationships?
Absence sexual relations For men, sex is almost upper stage in family relationships.
Proven ways to get your loved one back
If your beloved man left you for another, then you should adhere to certain behavioral tactics in order to get him back again as soon as possible. The main thing in such a situation is patience.
It may well turn out that the flared up feelings for another woman are just passion, temporary love, which will pass very quickly.
Start romantic relationships always blinds, but then sooner or later an epiphany comes that can radically change the entire attitude towards the new beloved.
And then your problem of returning your beloved man will become easily solved. In a word, you need to be patient and not drive yourself into hysterics, but try to relax.
Between people, loving friend friend, there is always a connection on energy level, and each of them feels the other.
If an abandoned woman gives her beloved a lot of her energy, he will certainly receive it, and as long as this energy comes to him, he will not feel very comfortable with another woman.
Why do guys leave girls?
Guys answer this question to their chosen ones extremely rarely. The girls can only guess.
Let's open a small curtain on the topic of why girls are abandoned male point vision.
First, you need to remember a simple truth - a guy will never leave his beloved girl for another, just because of external characteristics. Of course, a cute face and a cool figure have their place in a relationship and is clearly not the last, but not so important. And I was often convinced of this by observing beautiful but lonely girls.
They abandon girls, and I think this is fair. When she cheated. It's still dirty.
Good afternoon. The situation is this: my husband, a rather young man, so to speak, forced me to start a family with him (I really didn’t really want this, I’m still young for this). But it so happened that a child was born, and he went on walks and continued to do so, while I had to sit at home. A year after his birth, he finally got a job, albeit not a highly paid one, but still. To my proposals that I work, and he sit and raise his son, he refused, saying that I will work, and you raise him. Well, a year has passed: he was tired of work, during this time he regularly went out for a couple of days to drink, he was tired. Like I'm having fun. I wasn’t allowed any new clothes (you already look good) or a hairdresser (why spend money if the dye is cheaper in the store). Just a little bit, immediately offense. It’s not that I tolerated it, I rather didn’t care. And then one fine day, he leaves for work and doesn’t come. Turns me on new page on the Internet, adds old acquaintances, but not a word to me. He doesn’t respond to hwonki, so he ended up texting that he needed to be alone and rest. It’s like I’m at resorts all day long.
Time passes, he writes rarely, answers dryly, well, in general, he is not eager to communicate or do anything. He doesn’t ask about the child at all.
A month later he arrives, everything seems to be fine, I’m coming back, I love him, I miss him. ok, I’ve never encountered meanness before and I thought maybe I really thought about it and decided. He leaves for work in the morning and that’s it, no hello, no answer. I decided to file for divorce. In the morning I call to find out if he will go to court with me to file an application, and the girl he’s been dating for several days answers the phone! I'm in shock and panic. It turned out that he told everyone that I was already an ex, but I wouldn’t let him see my son and was generally a miger. At the same time, I never got anything from him; he turned out to be not only dishonest, but also a coward, unable to tell the truth.
The application was submitted, but the sediment remained.
It seems that I love you, and my brains celebrate liberation from the ballast that drags me down.
It seems like you want him to be around, but on the other hand, it makes sense if at 24 years old a person does not want to take on any obligations.
So I understand what needs to be done, but I have no strength, and complete apathy.
I don’t know the reason, most likely it’s because he hasn’t had enough fun (although he started the “family game”), or he simply doesn’t want to take on any obligations and has a complete lack of desire to achieve or achieve something.
My appearance, if anything, is not shabby, I’m not tall, but slim, I take care of myself, I don’t walk around the house in a robe and curlers))
Please help me understand myself
Well, of course, it’s terribly offensive when the one to whom you gave best years life, gave birth to children, suddenly just packed my suitcase and left! It is not so easy to come to terms with such a change in the usual way of life, especially if, for example, there are two or three children left in your arms, and the likelihood that someone will want to take on the role of a visiting dad is extremely small. Surprisingly, only after losing a loved one do we begin to take inventory of our own values, attitudes and mistakes.
The first reaction is always resentment. But it doesn't matter, because it's completely natural. It is the second reaction that is important. The one that is connected with this very inventory, because it is a realistic assessment of what is happening that helps to improve life in the future. Work on your mistakes, as they say, and move on, towards your new happiness.
Why do men leave their families?
Don't think that men abandon their families easily. If this were so, then each of our acquaintances would get married every time “accidental sex” happened. Secretaries wait faithfully and devotedly for years, and then suddenly one appears, without any special merits, and he leaves without looking back. Therefore, in the first place of the reasons why a husband might leave is an unexpected arrival real love. There's not much that can be done about it, and it's not the wife's fault at all. It happens…
But this is rather the exception than the rule. But more often than not, a husband leaves his wife because she “has eaten up his baldness.” If a wife nags her husband for any reason year after year, day after day, then she is doing everything possible to ensure that the marriage is destroyed. And when the poor guy meets a sweet and quiet woman, he falls in love with her just because she doesn’t nag him. He falls in love and leaves.
Therefore, if you have accumulated a whole list of complaints against your husband, and you voice every item on this list every day, then you can be sure that this is why he left. Understand yourself: if you were so unhappy with your husband, do you really need him? Maybe let him go?
From the same category of reasons for a husband leaving - constantly Bad mood women, refusal to have sex, irritability when communicating with husband. In general, if a woman demonstrates with her whole being that her husband is not needed, then he will not insist.
Ten main reasons for husband leaving
1. The woman became uninteresting to her husband
2. A woman does not know how or does not want to maintain comfort in the house.
3. The woman is always in a bad, sad mood, she complains about life.
4. A woman constantly makes scandals
5. A woman doesn’t take care of herself
6. The woman cheated
7. A woman likes to discuss her husband with others.
8. A woman puts pressure on her husband
9. A woman earns more
10. Echoes of a woman’s past
A man seeks comfort first and foremost in marriage. He chooses as his wife the woman in whom he sees the mistress and mother of his future children. And, to be honest, a mother to herself. One that will create a carefree life for him, both in the physiological and psychological sense. Hand on heart, we women can say that we expect the same from marriage. And we ourselves give these ten reasons for divorce to a man if we feel that he did not live up to our expectations.
A man with whom it is impossible to build normal, happy family , gives itself away in the first months of acquaintance, if you look carefully. Having discovered in the chosen one obvious signs one of the following 9 types of men, you should not hope that he will change, and trust his self-promotion and promises. Such a man is not just “not ideal” or has “shortcomings”, but is generally incapable of normal relationships. Only disappointment and pain await him... Do you need it?
What should you be wary of in a man?
1. Signs of a flighty romantic or swindler
Before you even get to know each other, he already declares his love and proposes? Romantic! But think for yourself: a person who understands what family and responsibility are, or that relationships are deep intimacy, will actually propose unknown girl under the influence of sudden charm? Such frivolity is more typical of an immature, infantile man.
This is also how scammers behave, hoping to trick you as quickly as possible. But even if he does not turn out to be a marriage swindler, he will still give up his intentions with the same ease at the slightest difficulty, and in general he hardly imagines what a serious relationship is, hovering around.
He is not ready to cope with difficulties. Such men usually easily make a lot of promises and take on a lot of obligations, trying to impress and assuring them of their reliability. But truly reliable people very rarely make promises after carefully weighing first whether they can actually keep them. And more often than not they promise, but do.
2. Signs of an alcoholic (or any addict)
This is not about the fact that he occasionally drinks a bottle of beer after work or sometimes plays a shooter game, although this should be alarming, but about dependencies with all that it implies. People have a tendency to become addicted psychological type(dependent personality disorder), with which it is impossible to build a normal family. Even if such a person does not use, he prefers to avoid problems instead of solving them, and is also fundamentally not responsible for his actions.
During the candy-bouquet period, you may not know that he likes to drink or hangs out in games for days. How to determine such a tendency? Listen to how and what he says. Such a man often talks about himself in passive voice or uses impersonal figures of speech, such as: “It so happened”, “They brought me to it”, “I was forced”, “I was unlucky” - that is, he always finds the reason for what happens to him and what he does, not in himself, but in something or someone else. This is a future (or already real) alcoholic, or at least infantile person, with whom you will have to babysit.
Even if he extols her, chanting her “divine” qualities, supposedly inaccessible to a man, he still does not recognize her as a person, categorically refusing her “male” compensation. This will manifest itself more clearly as soon as he considers that some woman does not live up to the standards of a “goddess” - she immediately becomes a “goat”, unworthy of human relations.
A man who despises women in principle, considers them “second-class” and is capable of being rude to them, will eventually treat you the same way, no matter how much he initially assures you that you are “special” and not like those “goats”. Naturally, you can immediately say goodbye to a man if he lets slip about how he hit (pushed, threatened, humiliated - and thus put it in place) one of your exes, if you don’t want to walk around with bruises.
Everything a man accuses his ex of will then be addressed to you!
5. Signs of a boor
A boor is a person who is unable to respect others: their interests, opinions, personal space. Such a person always does not respect himself - and this cannot be cured. It will not be possible to force a boor to make an exception for you personally. Worse yet, rudeness over the course of life will turn into outright rudeness, up to the use of force, especially with children. During the courtship period, he can be gallant and helpful. But this courtesy is ostentatious, and not born of sincere attention, and in small things he will still give himself away.
Be wary if a man: is late without warning, “forgets” your requests and warnings, does not take care of his appearance, reaches out and tries to kiss when you don’t want it. Laughing, he overcomes your weak resistance - such a man is often convinced that a woman's "no" is "yes" and acts in accordance with this “truth”.
But the easiest way to recognize a boor is in relationships with other people. If he throws dust in your eyes, then he will not stand on ceremony with others. Look how he behaves with taxi drivers, waiters, in line, how he talks with his friends, and especially with those with whom he is in conflict. It is in conflict that boor manifests itself in all its glory! A person who respects himself and others will never overstep defined boundaries- will not insult, humiliate, or be rude... A boor keeps himself within limits only while everything is good or when circumstances force him.
6. Signs of a domestic tyrant
Does a man like to talk about “a woman should”? Speaks: “I need such and such a woman - and you’re just the right one.”? Here it is too obvious that such a person is incapable of building relationships - he needs a servant and a cook and someone to boss around... Perhaps he will even himself do what a man “should” do, but he is not interested in either you as a person or your feelings and interests. And you won't be interested. Are you ready for this?
It happens that at first the tyrant disguises himself. He is emphatically respectful of your freedom and choice, while avoiding expressing his desires and preferences. This should be alarming. If a person truly respects another, he expects the same respect for himself - and will not only ask about your desires, but also voice his own in order to come to mutual agreement, and will not fuss, trying to shift responsibility.
A normal person is not afraid of conflicts of interest, being able to resolve conflicts without going beyond mutual respect. The tyrant, at first, can avoid any conflicts, knowing behind himself that he will not be able to hide his essence. Instead, he will expect (even demand in the depths of his soul) that those close to him “guess themselves” about his needs, and will be offended by those who are slow-witted, accusing them of inattention and indifference.
He may say: “As you say!”, “Everything is for you,” because he does not believe in the possibility that it is possible to reach an agreement taking into account the interests of both. He has an “either-or” scheme: “win-lose.” Sooner or later, the poles will change - and you will be required to “everything for him”; he will try to “win” at your expense.
7. Signs of an eternal bachelor
Is your chosen one the “life of the party”? These men are very attractive - they have charm, a sense of humor, etc. They have many friends and many ideas for how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with a person knowing how to relax. It’s bad when he lives only for entertainment and communication with friends. He is not interested in work, study, career growth... and family too.
What does he talk about, what is he proud of? If all conversations are built around entertainment, friends and hobbies, he has no business plans, and his highest assessment of something is: “high” is bad sign. Such a man is very jealous of his “freedom”. He may be carried away by you, but he will still keep you at a distance, and you will see for yourself that the relationship with you in his life takes...-eleventh place. You may be able to marry him on the promise that you won't mind his friends and hobbies. But do you need it?
You will have to have fun with him and host his friends, which can be a lot of fun until the kids come. Family is not entertainment, he will be bored and hard, and he will always strive to run away to his friends, while you flop around with the child in your arms, solving all the problems yourself. And even if he is at home, he will still find something to amuse himself with (he will hang in in social networks, for example), - and you won’t get through... Even if such a person does not escape from the “bonds of marriage,” then you will still really be “alone with a living husband.”
8. Signs of a walking man
“You are the most beautiful of all the girls I have ever met!”- such a recognition reveals his passion for “collecting” girls. The womanizer is successful with women, he knows how to look after beautifully, “professionally,” but deep down he has a low opinion of women and believes that anyone can be seduced. And usually “all women are whores” with him.
He needs victories, not relationships. And after defeating you, he will get bored. And if you hear arguments from the series: “All men are polygamous” and “We cheat only with our bodies - and that doesn’t mean anything, the main thing is not with our souls,” then everything is clear with him: he will not miss the opportunity to “cheat with his body”: ) Unreasonable jealousy can also be an unpleasant surprise from such a man - after all, it is human nature to judge by oneself.
9. Signs of a jealous person
A jealous person, I think, is the easiest to recognize. The trouble is that women are flattered by his possessiveness at first - they think that this is love, that this is how they are distinguished from others. Although in fact, jealousy speaks of his deep lack of self-confidence. But something else is worse - a jealous man does not trust a woman and does not respect her. He does not consider her capable of choosing and being faithful to her choice. It is impossible to build normal relationships without trust, not to mention that a jealous person is simply dangerous.
A jealous man treats a woman as his property inanimate object. At first, this manifests itself romantically: “I won’t give you to anyone!”, “You are mine and only mine!”, “I don’t want anyone to stare at your beauty except me - wear this skirt only at home.” He may “carefully” fasten the top button on your blouse in public... And when jealousy takes on threatening forms, alas, it is already difficult to get rid of the jealous person.
How not to make a mistake in a man?
Do normal, decent men even exist?! - Of course, they do - and often! Even some of the above signs may not be a “diagnosis” - it is necessary to take into account the age and family in which the man grew up.
For example, being sociable at the age of 16-20 does not necessarily mean that the young man will live for entertainment - these are simply characteristics of his age. Deliberate rudeness may simply be bravado, a clumsy demonstration of “masculinity” that will also pass. Drinking and gambling does not necessarily indicate a tendency towards alcoholism, but may simply be a tribute to the company - what is important here is not the fact of drinking, but the personality type and the degree of involvement. We will talk about alcoholism later - subscribe to updates.
Of course, it is worth looking at his father and relationship with his mother. There is a chance that a man who grew up without a father will good husband and father, if his relationship with his mother is good (healthy!) - such boys already know how to build a normal relationship with a woman, and having suffered without a father, they are unlikely to abandon their child. But if a boy grew up with an unworthy father, then the likelihood is that he will reproduce his model of relationships in the family and life position, almost 100%, no matter how much he says that he does not understand and condemns his father’s behavior.
And vice versa, if his father is worthy and honest man and mom is happy with him, that is, the hope that some negative signs that you notice in a man will disappear without a trace in the future. But if you find in your chosen one obvious signs of the above-mentioned types, and especially several at once, then you should not hope for change!
Many negative signs are interrelated and follow from one another, that is, they can be combined in one person. Jonah happens often alcoholic. Misogynist or jealous even more often - domestic tyrant. There are also all the signs in one. However, it is useless to try to understand men and memorize the signs of unworthy men without solving your problems.
Who and why do we choose? If your personal life is always unsuccessful, you come across only the heroes of this article, and you don’t even believe that there are others, but you hope to heal them with your “love” or simply humbly endure, considering this to be “a woman’s lot,” then the problem is with you themselves. But this can be fixed—I recommend, for example, that you read the book and start sweeping out the “cockroaches” that lead you into an unhealthy relationship.
If it seems that he deceived you, pretended to be a “prince”, and then turned out to be a “monster” - it seems. Nobody pretends - a person always reveals himself with the best side when he falls in love. And we all tend to unconsciously demonstrate qualities that are directly opposite to shortcomings. But that’s why we close our eyes to the “bells”, joyfully believing in the initial demonstration and immediately starting to dream about family and children - good question. Most often because the man’s personality is of little interest.
© Nadezhda Dyachenko
