Sometimes it happens like this: you wake up, have breakfast, go through a weekday, do everything out of habit. Staying next to your spouse no longer brings the former joy; rather, on the contrary, it is a burden. This state can last for years, and it seems that something needs to be changed, but there is no desire.

Codependency is the second most popular problem for which spouses turn to a psychologist. And now we are not talking about people living with alcoholics or drug addicts. We are talking about psychological dependence on the person who is nearby.

Are all good things in the past? Symptoms of codependency

On the one hand, any addiction is bad, on the other hand, several years ago they decided to classify love as an addiction and even a disease. My answer is this: dependence is rather incomplete, so the prospects for such relationships are usually vague. But everyone can fix something!

First, let's name the symptoms of dependent relationships.

1. People live in the past, memories occupy most time spent together. It seems that all the best things have already happened in your life. Do you often remember the first years of communication, romance, jokes and even sex, which you had then. At this stage, people tend to idealize the past, that is, to fill events that happened previously with their emotions.
2. Claims arise related to the desire to change something in your spouse. It's about about what was characteristic of him before, but you liked it and did not cause irritation.
3. You don’t have a holiday together, although you used to have one. A couple of years ago you liked to walk in the park or go to exhibitions together, but now you only feel good alone.
4. No joint plans for the future and the desire to build them. You stopped fantasizing and thinking about what will happen in 10 years.
5. The thought that you will break up does not make you feel sad, but at the same time you do not want to take steps towards separation.
6. Your life is described as a “swamp”, but you don’t want to change anything.
7. You (or your partner) abdicate all responsibility for what will happen, hoping that everything will remain “as before.”
8. A codependent person worries a lot about others, but, as a rule, is absolutely indifferent to himself and his fate.

Family relationships: causes of the crisis

Many will call this a crisis family relations or habit. In psychology, they talk specifically about codependency in a relationship if this condition lasts more than a year. Naturally, the question arises about the reasons, because this does not happen in all families; on the contrary, this is rather an exception to the rule.

There are different reasons:

• The “parental model” is to blame: similar relationships existed in the family - the father and mother went with the flow, lived for the sake of the children and did not change anything for years.
• In childhood, the child’s personality was suppressed by overprotection.
• Personality is suppressed already in adulthood. For example, a woman lives for many years under the influence of her husband, without work or self-realization, without the opportunity to be financially independent or free in her desires.
• A person is in a state of post-traumatic stress, for example, after experiencing the loss of a loved one.
• Low self-esteem of the person who is codependent also has an impact.

Three types of codependent relationships

Codependency is a multifaceted phenomenon, and dependent relationships in a single family can be radically different from the situation in another couple. Psychologists distinguish several types of codependency.

First type of dependent relationship- one partner acts as a “guiding star”, and the other follows him. Typical phrases uttered in the case of this type of dependent relationship sound like this: “I made you a man,” “where would you be if it weren’t for me,” etc. It was this type of relationship that was common after the war until the 70s of the last century. The man was the prize, and the woman was very attached to him.

Problems such relationships may be as follows.

It may happen to the “luminary” star fever. He becomes an authoritarian dictator in his manifestations and behavioral reactions. Shows disrespect for his partner. “If I’m a star here, then I’m a star everywhere.” Because of this attitude, disappointments often occur in other fields where he is not so appreciated.

Following the "star" loses himself. The rays of the “star” are too bright, and behind them the follower does not see problems, difficulties, and forgives all insults. There is a feeling that without the “star” he will not be able to exist, and his life will fade away.

In such parental relationships, children especially suffer: one partner constantly watches the “star,” while the other only cares about the strength of his “glow.” In addition, children are required to be like the ideal in everything.

What to do? The follower needs his own life: meetings with friends, hobbies or work. “Star” would do well to remember that “falling can hurt,” and there is nothing better partnerships. From being looked at in the mouth and being indulged in everything, fatigue will soon come.

Goal setting can come to the aid of the follower. When you set goals, even on a microscopic scale, and achieve them, the degree of self-satisfaction increases and the need for the light of the “star” decreases.

Tactile contact and trust in a relationship will give you everything you need, and there will be no need to “bask in the rays” of your partner.

The second option is “dissolution in a partner”. Typical phrases: “I live for you”, “you are all I have”, “I love you” more life“,” “I dissolve in my beloved,” “he is the meaning of my life,” “without him I am nothing,” etc.

Problems. Such dissolution in another person leads to the loss of oneself. This is similar to the first type of addiction.

There is a danger that the partner will blackmail with his life. The partner is constantly being reproached for the life laid on his altar. The object of love suffers and seeks a sip fresh air on the side.

What to do? When healing, a lot depends on the spouse in whom one invests. It is he who can turn the situation around by pointing out that he does not like this unhealthy cult.

Get interested in something else: the same hobbies will help.

You can change the hero: for example, switch attention to the child (by the way, this type of relationship often comes to naught with the birth of children).

Short separations are very useful; they give you the opportunity to concentrate on other things.

To occupy your head with something or someone else, you literally need to find a problem for yourself! Even if it’s small. For example, get a puppy.

The third type of codependent relationship is power over another. This relationship is perhaps the most unhealthy. Here one is the victim, the other is the aggressor. In these relationships, one partner constantly talks about how he does everything for the sake of the other. And the other suffers from this, realizing that he is being used.

Problems. There is a serious decrease in self-esteem and an increase in self-criticism of the victim partner. The second partner develops the habits of a tyrant. Power over one person is not enough for him, children begin to suffer.

What to do? If a partner occupying the position of a tyrant does not hear anything and does not want to change, you need to run away from him.

But first, it’s worth assessing all the pros and cons of being in such a relationship. Do it in writing. Often in such an alliance the choice is “either you, or you.”

Such a marriage can begin to develop according to a normal scenario if the victim throws off the burden in time and is realized as active person and a self-sufficient person.

Discussion

All of these signs may not mean codependency. In general, this term is out of place, it seems to me.

Comment on the article "Is your husband annoying? No plans for the future? Family crisis: what to do"

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Men are traditionally viewed as emotionally unavailable and difficult to read. However, a man often gives a subtle hint that tells a woman about his feelings. These clues can be easily overlooked if you don't know where to look or if you're not paying attention. Understanding these tips can help reduce the anxiety and stress that comes with relationships.

1. He calls often

When a man calls you frequently, he is indicating that he is interested in talking to you. Even if he is very busy, he will try to take a break to find out how you are doing and your mood.

2. He often plans

It is easier for a man to express his feelings through actions rather than words. Making plans with you is a way of expressing his interest and feelings for you.

By planning activities for the two of you to participate in together, a man shows that he wants a relationship with you. This theory is reinforced when he shows interest by doing things that interest you, such as shopping or going to your favorite cafe.

A man with serious intentions wants to spend his free time only on you. When a woman means nothing to a man, he will prefer to spend his free time on friends, sports, hobbies or the Internet. One point, in in this case A stable trend should emerge; not coming to a friend’s game a couple of times doesn’t mean anything.

3. It introduces you to family and friends

Meeting with his family and friends is often key indicator male intentions. Inviting you to meet his family and friends is often like an invitation to become a part of his life. A man lets you know he's interested in a relationship by introducing you to the people who matter most to him.

4. He argues with you

Yes exactly! A man will not waste his time and nerves on a quarrel with a woman he does not need! In a delicate situation, he will not argue with a woman who is not interesting to him for the future, but will simply turn around and leave. But it must be remembered that the seriousness of his intentions should be discussed if you have made peace after a strong quarrel.

5. He talks about the future

The greatest indicator that a man is interested in a relationship with a woman is when he makes plans for the future. Even small comments about a wedding, children, or even vacation plans are a man's way of immersing himself in a serious relationship.

A man who wants to be with you Serious relationships, will create plans for a common future and take joint steps to enrich your future. Plans for a future together differ from imaginary fantasies in that a man is ready to do something for a future together, and does everything possible, and thereby takes on some responsibility for you. For example, if a man paid for you in a cafe, this is only a courtesy, but if he found rented apartment For life together, albeit with reservations, like “this is so that we can be closer to each other, and take a closer look at each other, and so on,” this is already a step in a serious direction.

Also, pay attention to your man's use of pronouns: if he uses "we" instead of "I", he is letting you know that you are a couple.

6. He shares his things

A man who wants a serious relationship can easily share his thoughts with his woman. expensive things. For a man to entrust you with a car or a computer or anything else from his arsenal of favorite things is evidence of trust and special affection.

Frivolous relationships: The main signs that a man is not planning a common future

When starting a relationship with a man, women tend to plan a future together with him - what it will be like happy life, what the wedding will be like, what to name the future children. But such dreams are often too hasty and are not destined to come true. And all because the wrong man was chosen - he is simply not in the mood for a serious relationship, and only looks like an ideal gentleman. You can determine that a man does not have big joint plans for the future based on several criteria...

Dating is often spontaneous

When the date comes to an end, he says: “See you/Let's write/Let's call you,” i.e. without specifying any specific date and time. After this, the gentleman may disappear without warning for several days, and then show up again as a surprise and invite you on a date. Similar spontaneous actions with a high probability they say that a particular woman is not in the first place for him. And if this is so, then what kind of serious relationship can we talk about?

Of course, there are exceptions here. If a man is in constant business, he works a lot, then he does not belong to himself - he really does not know when he will be free, so he cannot set a specific date, and dates fall on the freed “window”.

He is in no hurry to introduce the woman to his friends and relatives

It’s worth making a short note right away - if a man quickly introduces you to friends and relatives, this is not a guarantee of his serious intentions. There are comrades for whom it is quite normal to introduce the next girl to his entire circle, so it is too early to relax. But if everything is the other way around, and acquaintance is constantly postponed or there is no talk about it at all, you should suspect something is wrong.

According to psychologists, if after six months of a relationship dating has not happened, then most likely the man is not serious about the woman. Therefore, you should not pin your hopes on such a gentleman on the topic of a joint future.

He himself is also in no hurry to make acquaintances with his woman’s loved ones

If he is not serious about a woman, it means she is absolutely indifferent and uninteresting to him, so he will not be interested in everything connected with her, including her relatives. For what once again“lights up” if later the paths still diverge? He is quite comfortable communicating only with a woman and preferably alone. Most likely, there is only one motivation for meetings - sexual.

He doesn't talk about the future

According to experts, men generally do not like to discuss such topics, even if they are initially serious. Conversations in the style of “Let's get married, buy a house and have children” are not about the stronger sex. Either too young or very confident men who are financially secure to implement such plans are capable of this.

Everyone else tries to avoid such conversations. But if he is really passionate about a lady, then he will definitely decide to say: “Let’s move in together?”, and this should happen within a six-month period of the relationship. If after 6 months the beloved has not made a similar proposal, then most likely, the lady is perceived by him as an intermediate option to satisfy his sexual desires.

He doesn't call a woman his girlfriend

It’s hard to imagine a picture where a man will say: “This is Marina - she’s my girlfriend.” If he introduces his lady to his relatives or friends, then they quite logically understand who she is to the man, and there is no point in further clarification.

However, in Lately a woman with whom a man has an intimate relationship is usually called a “girlfriend.” Despite the difference being insignificant at first glance, the concepts of “girlfriend” and “friend” are seriously different. The status of a “girl” implies not only the presence of intimacy, but also more deep connection paired with. It also happens that men make a reservation themselves, for example, when they ask him: “Is this your girlfriend?”, he can automatically say: “No, this is my friend.”

But psychologists make a small clarification, calling this point not entirely unambiguous. They advise women to pay more attention not to men's words, and on their actions - a real man acts, not talks.

Dates almost always end in sex.

It’s also not the most obvious indicator, but it’s worth taking a closer look at. If a couple’s relationship from the very beginning began only for the sake of sex, then there is nothing surprising in this. Otherwise, when at first there was sympathy and common interests, the man continues to meet with the woman without a sexual context. But this also does not mean seriousness.

Sex in a relationship is very important - this is a long-established truth, but not so important that it fills all the space. If a man, apart from sexuality, does not see in a woman good conversationalist, he doesn’t want to be near her just like that, he’s not interested in her life, and after sex he’s in a hurry to retreat, then his intentions are definitely not serious.

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First of all, look at the relationship through the eyes of a man. What holds a man back from entering into a marriage?

1. Loss of freedom. Now he is free. He can go wherever he wants and do what he wants to do. If a man values ​​his freedom (and most of them do), the mere thought of marriage scares him. After all, he will lose the most precious thing he has - the right to individual choice. He will have to ask permission, consult before making a serious decision, and certainly no frequent gatherings with friends.

Taking away a man's freedom is what a woman needs... in the very last place. They want to be with their loved one, raise children with him, run a joint household and enjoy life together. But men are sure that it is men’s freedom that women need most. So men don’t get married, holding on to freedom. But who will need this freedom in 50-60 years? Men rarely think about this.

2. “Why? After all, everything is fine!” In women and men different views on relationships - if a woman constantly needs the development of relationships, their improvement and at least some movement forward, then men often do not see the need for this. Moreover, they want to leave everything as it is. He meets the woman he loves, has no obligations, is completely free and is not limited by anything. A man is left to his own devices before marriage - so is there any point in changing anything? He can date for a year, two, ten years - and not think about marriage. If a woman, one fine day, does not ask a man: “When will we get married?”, she may not wait for his proposal.

As for a woman, what is important for her in a relationship is the confidence that the man will always be there. And marriage is that same confidence. Of course, marriage does not provide even a 70% guarantee, but it is better than nothing. With the advent of a child in the family, a man is completely transformed, becoming loving and affectionate. Strong family - here the main objective a woman for whom she is ready to sacrifice both her career and even her health.

3. Responsibility. Marriage is a big responsibility for a man. The life in which a man lived only for himself and his pleasure ends. Now he is the owner, protector and breadwinner, who is responsible for financial well-being families. Naturally, the need to devote more time to work and family forces a man to give up his usual lifestyle and many pleasant things for him. Now he will have to limit himself in many ways for the sake of his family, and many are not happy with this. Some are simply afraid of responsibility, while others do not want to accept it.

4. Finances will sing romances... Some men are happy to start a family, but they are constrained by the fear of ending up at the poverty line. They believe that they are not yet ready to support their family - first they should find a well-paid job, save a certain amount of money, and only after that tie the knot. On the one hand, this seems reasonable - it’s stupid to start a family without even a penny in your pocket. The problem is that there will never be enough money. Perhaps a man has money, but from his point of view it is not enough, while other men start families with a much smaller budget.

One way or another, the financial component has been and will remain one of the main reasons why representatives of the stronger half of humanity do not want to tie the knot.

5. What if my choice is wrong. Choosing a life partner is one of the most important things in a person’s life, so no one wants to make a mistake. After all, a life partner is chosen not for a day or a month, but for a lifetime. Both men and women are afraid that their “ideal” partner will change for the worse over time, but in men this fear is more pronounced. Even if now you seem ideal to your man and understand each other perfectly, he will worry about the future with you. It's simply inevitable.

6. Fear of making mistakes again. If your man was once in a marriage that broke up, this negative experience will leave an imprint on his entire life. later life. A man can change his attitude towards girls and marriage, he will avoid legitimizing relationships. It is especially difficult for a man to experience a breakup due to betrayal. Whether you like it or not, the man will think: “What if she (that is, you) also cheats on me?”

7. Fear of the wedding process. It also happens that a man is afraid to propose and does not want to waste his time and energy on organizing a wedding and the wedding fuss. And stupid and incomprehensible competitions completely discourage the last desire to tie the knot.

8. Everyone around is against it. If your chosen one is the type of man who listens more to the opinions of friends and relatives than to himself, please accept my condolences. If at least one person from his circle does not like you, the chances of ending the relationship in marriage will be extremely small. The truth is that the opinion of others is only their subjective opinion, and nothing more. Doesn't your man ask you to marry you just because his friend doesn't approve? Then think about whether you need a man who puts other people’s opinions higher than his own or, even worse, doesn’t have his own opinion at all.

9. “Well, why do we need to spoil everything with a wedding?” If everything is fine in your relationship, and you and your partner cannot get enough of each other, the latter will simply be afraid that everything will change after the wedding. Instead of beautiful lingerie, his wife will greet him in a robe and (God forbid) with a mask on her face. AND romantic relationship melt like snow in spring. A man certainly doesn’t need this.

10. Not love. Are you sure that a man loves you? Perhaps he is simply comfortable with you and appreciates your wonderful sense of humor/ability to cook/beauty, etc. In this case, you need to find out this once and for all, so as not to waste your time or the time of your partner.

Now that you know the reasons why men avoid marriage, you can better analyze the situation and take control of it. However, do not expect that when you ask your partner about the reason for his slowness in the matter of marriage, he will tell you the truth. Most often, you will have to get to the bottom of this very truth yourself.

And now about the main thing. You should know the reasons why men strive to start a family and legitimize relationships. For what? It's simple - by gently leading a man to one of these reasons, you will increase your chances of becoming not just his girlfriend, but his legal wife, and at the same time receiving all the ensuing privileges.

1. “I’m so tired of being single!” Man for a long time he lived for his own pleasure, saw everything in life and finally realized that he was tired of loneliness. All his friends have wives and children, but he... only has a girl who won’t be around in Hard time, and with whom you cannot share your most secret things. He wants a loved one to be nearby in both sorrow and joy, who will understand and help with advice.

When does this period of a man’s life begin? Most often, after 30 years, so don’t rely too much on the fact that he will suddenly want to marry you. However, you can still show all the delights that family life is rich in.

2. Parents. If a guy lives with his parents, they have a lot of influence on him. They may encourage their child to family life, saying: “Well, when are you getting married? Vanka (Petka, Vaska) already has a wife and two children, but you still can’t…”. Naturally, you should not ask your partner's parents to talk to him, as they may take it the wrong way. However, pleasing your partner’s parents and showing what a skilled housewife you are and that their son will feel good with you is the first thing.

3. I love you, I just can’t. If your chosen one loves you and is afraid of losing you, this will push him to get married. Just don’t put the question bluntly - either tomorrow at the registry office, or we’re breaking up. After all, it is possible that the desire to remain free may be stronger than love. Just let your partner know that you also love him very much and want to always be together. Believe me, this method is much more effective than banal blackmail.

4. Benefit. Often men get married just to solve one of their problems. For example, he loves home-cooked food, but doesn’t know how to cook himself. We all remember the phrase from the movie “ Big change” - “Why doesn’t he marry? His wife would cook food for him.” There are obvious benefits from marriage. Or the man gets tired of cleaning the house himself.

Alas, marriages based on profit alone are rarely successful. After all, men often simply use their wives without giving them anything in return. But on the other hand, if a woman marries for her own benefit - most often this is her personal financial well-being - this marriage will have the right to exist. Each partner will know for what purpose they tied the knot, and this will reduce misunderstandings and mutual claims spouses to each other. Whether this form of marriage suits you or not is up to you to decide.

5. Unplanned pregnancy, or in other words – a banal “pregnancy”. There is perhaps no better way for a man to walk you down the aisle. But, firstly, this will be a marriage “of necessity” and the man will marry not for your sake, but for the sake of the child. And when the child grows up and becomes independent, there is a high probability that the man will leave the family. Secondly, not every man, upon learning that his girlfriend is pregnant, will act like a man and propose marriage. Unfortunately, there are often cases when a man insists on an abortion or leaves a girl to raise the child herself. It also happens that a girl raises a child on her own, and the father helps from time to time with finances, food, etc. In any case, the wedding does not end there.

That is, it is enough to know why men get married and why they avoid marriage - and this is enough to determine whether a partner wants to get married or not? Of course, this is not enough.

There are several specific ways to determine your partner's real intentions, which we'll look at next.

1. Find out which women your chosen one prefers.

It would seem that this is quite strange - after all, if he is with you, it means he prefers women like you. Nothing like this! It's one thing to date a certain type of woman, but quite another to marry her.

It is best to find out a man's preferences on the first date. Tell him: “I’m surprised by your invitation, because I was sure that you liked...” and list the type of woman completely opposite to yours.

If a man answers that he really likes slightly different women, ask him to talk about his ex-girlfriends. If you find that these girls are completely different from you, then your chances of getting married are slim. But don’t give up - perhaps the man’s past relationship did not bring him joy and he decided to find a completely different type of woman. Very often men themselves do not know what they want - they are such complex creatures.

If a man tries to avoid the conversation and says that he has no clear preferences, say: “Come on! I was sure that you liked brunettes (if you are blonde), with a choleric temperament (if you are phlegmatic or melancholic), etc.” Keep probing until the man cracks, but don't let the man feel like he's being interrogated.

It also happens that a man says without hesitation: “You know, I like girls like you.” If this is said sincerely, it means that your chances of having a family life with this man are very high.

The main thing to remember is that no matter what, remain yourself. External preferences that can be corrected are one thing, and internal preferences are another thing. If your chosen one loves skinny people, and you have gained extra pounds over the past year, you can make an effort and lose weight. If a man prefers brunettes, and you are not one of them, it doesn’t matter, because no one will forbid you to change your hair color.

However, if your partner prefers soft and flexible women, and you are the leader and aggressor in the relationship, not wanting to give in on anything... then this is not your destiny. Unfortunately, most women begin to pretend to be docile and cute “cats” in order to get as close as possible to the ideal man. Very often this works, and the man proposes, but what about in family life? After all, you won’t be able to pretend all your life.

Conclusion: Be yourself and don't pretend. If your man is next to you now, it means that many of your qualities are dear to him and they can play key role in future. By the way, you also put up with some of his qualities, since ideal people can not be.

2. Find out from the man when he is going to introduce you to his parents.

Of course, this should not be found out on the first date. However, if your relationship lasts quite a long time, and “things are still there,” feel free to ask your partner when the long-awaited acquaintance will take place.

A man who has serious plans for a woman will never hesitate to introduce her to friends and family. If a man has been telling you for several months that “the time has not come yet,” and is constantly coming up with various excuses, think about whether you need to waste your time on him. Most likely, he will never marry you.

3. Ask the man if he is ready for marriage.

Don't worry that talking about weddings and family life will scare a man away. Even if this happens, great, it means that this was not your man, and you wasted your precious time on him. Don’t be afraid to seem intrusive and insensitive when talking about a serious relationship - often such conversations help a man get rid of his fear of the concepts of “wedding” and “marriage”.

What is the best way to determine a man's readiness for marriage? You shouldn’t ask directly: “When do you want to get married?” A man should not feel tied hand and foot, he should always have a feeling of choice and that the situation is under his control.

Tell your chosen one: “You said that you dream of a strong family. But I’m not sure about this. Surely, even if you met the girl of your dreams, you would not propose marriage to her. It seems to me that you still want to take a walk. This is true?". Let your question be in the nature of a nice conversation that does not oblige the man to anything. As soon as a man feels commitment, he may get scared and “put the car in reverse.”

Your question should be open so that the man gives a detailed answer, and not just say “yes” or “no”. If a man tells you: “You know, I really haven’t had my fill yet and family is not in my plans,” you can safely break off the relationship with the man. Alas, you have different goals with him (of course, if you plan to create with him strong family). Believe me, there are many men in the world who are tired of loneliness and are ready to start a family - these are the men you should find.

When a man answers “I told you the truth - I really want a strong family, children, etc.”, and then begins to talk about the joys of family life - this is a sign that very soon he will ask for your hand and everything that comes with it.

4. “What do you think about children?”

Many girls don’t bring up the topic of children because they know it’s the right way lose a man. But if your chosen one does not want children and, even worse, does not see you as the mother of his children, you are simply wasting your time, the man will not marry you. The sooner you figure this out, the better for you. When a man is going to get married and have children, he pays attention to the character and intelligence of his chosen one. Why? It’s simple - after all, the qualities of parents are passed on to their children, and a man wants to see only the best qualities in his children.

Test your chosen one on all four points as quickly as possible. This way you can understand whether he sees a future with you, or whether he just feels good with you, and starting a family is not included in his plans for the next decade.

It would also be a good idea to know about the signs that a man will soon ask you to start a family. Interesting? Then wait. In one of next articles We will analyze these signs in detail. In the meantime, we wish you good luck in matters of the heart and great victories in this field.

: if in their minds they are already “playing out” the scene in the hall of the Wedding Palace, then their boyfriend, as they say, is in no mood. Not only does he, in principle, do not plan anything serious in relation to the young lady. But the girl either doesn’t notice this or doesn’t want to notice.

Director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You”, family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships Elena Kuznetsova listed the six most obvious signs that young man There are no far-reaching plans for the young lady.

1. Dating is usually spontaneous.

Almost always, when saying goodbye after a date, a man says: “We’ll call you” (let’s write, see each other, etc.), without specifying exactly when this will happen. A boyfriend can disappear for several days, and then suddenly show up and invite you to a restaurant. Such spontaneity most often indicates that the girl is clearly not in first place in the young man’s priorities. In other words, . So, what serious intentions can we talk about in this case?

The only exceptions are those who work a lot and do not belong to themselves. They see their chosen one only when a “window” appears in their busy schedule. At this time, a man can call and ask, for example: “What are you doing? Let's meet".

2. Doesn’t introduce you to relatives and friends

Here we should immediately make a reservation. If a guy introduced you to his parents and (or) friends, this does not mean that he has serious intentions towards you. Perhaps it is in the order of things for him to introduce his next passion to mom, dad and his company. So . But if a young man avoids introducing you to his loved ones, then this is...

“If within six months of a close relationship a man does not introduce a woman to either his family or friends, he is unlikely to. There is no point in hoping for a future together with such a gentleman,” Kuznetsova warns.

3. He doesn’t get acquainted with the girl’s close circle.

4. Doesn't talk about the future

According to Elena Kuznetsova, men, in principle, do not like to discuss the future with their chosen one. Something like: “Let’s get married, build a house outside the city and get a dog,” - this is not about talk of the stronger sex. Topics of a shared future are more often raised either by youngsters or by those whose confidence is well supported financially.

Everyone else avoids long-term planning. However, if a man is really seriously interested in a woman, he will still say the “code” phrase: . It should sound within six months of your dates. If, after six months of close communication, the gentleman does not invite you to move in with him, or does not offer to rent an apartment together, etc., then most likely he is not planning a future with you. You already suit him quite well - how. For example, for intimacy.

“If a man is seriously interested in you, he... He wants to smell you constantly, touch you constantly. He likes to take care of you, and he likes that you take care of him. In this case, the partner quickly invites the girl to live together. Provided, of course, that they are both free, and there are no reasons preventing them from living together,” the psychologist concluded.

5. Doesn't call him his girlfriend

It’s quite difficult to imagine a situation in which a man would ceremoniously say: “This is Masha. " If a young man introduces his crush to relatives or close friends, then they, in principle, already know who Masha is.

On the other hand, it has now become quite fashionable to call the young lady with whom a man mainly dates simply “a friend.” The word "girl" has more deep meaning. This is a certain status that implies not just intimacy, but also a more serious relationship. It happens that a man makes a “Freudian slip” when he is suddenly asked: “Is this your girlfriend?” And a guy who treats a young lady “without fanaticism” can automatically answer: “No.”

Kuznetsova emphasizes that this point is ambiguous, and advises young ladies to focus on men’s actions, because “a man should do, not say.”

6. Dates always end in sex.

This indicator is also not obvious, but nevertheless. If the couple’s relationship was initially based solely on sex, then the man will perceive your meetings exclusively in an intimate context.

If the “mixture” was initially not only about, but also about mutual sympathy, as well as interests other than sex, then the guy can meet the girl without “bed continuation”, but this will not mean at all that he has serious plans for your future together .

"Sex plays huge role in a couple's life, but not that much. Maybe the girl is a pleasant conversationalist, and the couple can watch a movie together or discuss something. There is nothing special about this, and it does not mean that the man has serious intentions towards the woman,” states Kuznetsova.

If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to email address editorial staff of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .