Have you often noticed that a conversation with an interlocutor “does not go well” or leads in the wrong direction? As a listener, have you tended to think that good conversation is based entirely on the art of the storyteller? If so, we hasten to convince you - this is far from the case. Like the narrator, the listener can influence the flow of the conversation, making it more enjoyable and interesting, using the methods and techniques of active listening.
Types of listening
A person, being a listener, not a narrator, can perceive information in different ways, as well as treat it differently. He may single out for himself as the main criteria for obtaining information from the narrator, or he may be aimed at understanding his emotions and feelings. Types of listening are presented in the basic classification, there are four of them.
The first is empathic listening. As the name implies, it is based on empathy - that is, on sympathy and empathy with the interlocutor. Empathic listening is aimed at understanding and sharing the feelings and emotions of the interlocutor. In this case, you will unconsciously try to follow even small changes in the intonation and facial expressions of the narrator, most likely, partially missing the information he is expressing. This type of listening is usually typical for personal communication with close friends, relatives, lovers.
The second, critical listening, is the opposite kind of listening. In this case, the listener pays attention primarily to the information, as he is interested in receiving it. Using this type of listening, a person weighs information more carefully, highlights something important and necessary for himself. This type of listening is usually used when the information is extremely important to the interlocutor, it can be serious talk with relatives, and discussions of working moments with colleagues and bosses, etc.
The third type, passive listening, is more global and stands out according to other criteria. This type of listening is also called differently - non-reflective listening. In passive listening, the person is mostly silent, not particularly interfering with the narrator's monologue. Such listening is usually used when the narrator is very excited about something and wants to speak out, because often the questions and exclamations of the interlocutor may simply be inappropriate.
The fourth is active listening. Active and passive listening are diametrically opposed types, because active listening implies that the listener will show the narrator their interest in the conversation in various ways. Let's take a closer look at this type.
What is active listening? Active listening is a way of conducting a conversation in which the listener explicitly or implicitly demonstrates to the narrator their desire to listen and perceive both information and feelings of the speaker. We can say that active listening includes critical and empathic listening. In both cases, the listener must be oriented towards the narrator. Active listening is also called reflective listening, as a person tries to analyze the information received, rethink it in some way, and also, if there is empathy, project the feelings of the narrator onto himself for further analysis.
The concept of active listening was introduced by the Soviet psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter, who was engaged in experimental and systemic family psychology. In his works, the author emphasizes the importance of using active listening in relationships within the family. In order to learn this technique, you need to understand the basic rules of active listening.
Principles of Active Listening
by the most important rule what is worth learning should be the establishment of eye contact. The minimum visual contact that should be established between the interlocutors is faces turned towards each other. A face turned to the other side can be regarded as an unwillingness to listen to the narrator, which is likely to negatively affect the conversation. It is also desirable to install eye contact. This does not mean at all that during the conversation you will have to arrange a semblance of a game of "staring". You do not have to look the interlocutor in the eyes all the time, it is enough to do this at least several times during the conversation.
Although active listening involves at least minimally supporting the conversation with a variety of gestures and phrases, sometimes it may be necessary to simply remain silent. Such pauses can help the narrator gather his thoughts. Therefore, especially if you have already said some kind of remark, and your interlocutor is in no hurry to answer right away, do not rush him and do not repeat until he asks, otherwise you risk knocking him out of his thoughts.
If you're not completely sure what the narrator is experiencing, try asking them to understand. In the event that you have any assumptions, it is worth voicing them. The narrator will understand that you are interested in him and his feelings, and will try to explain them to you on his own if you were wrong.
Principles of Empathic Listening
Since empathic listening is part of active listening, you also need to know the rules empathic listening. In order to understand the interlocutor, you need to tune in to the conversation. To make this happen, try to disengage from your own problems for the duration of the conversation. Your own thoughts should not distract you from understanding the narrator. It is also important not to let preconceptions get in the way of understanding, so any preconceptions about anything related to the narrator should be left out of the conversation. In any case, you can think about it and draw conclusions after the conversation.
In order to show your partner your understanding of his feelings, try not to distort it. Also, do not try to explain to the narrator why he does this. Most likely, he has his own thoughts on this matter, and if he wants, he will not only share them, but also ask for your opinion. This is especially true for comments in a negative way, since the interlocutor most likely does not want to continue this conversation with you.
Active listening methods
Since the tools and components of active listening include a variety of principles and methods, it can be especially effective to follow both the principles and methods of active listening at the same time. The main techniques of active listening are as follows:
- clarification;
- retelling (paraphrase);
- repetition (echo);
- pauses.
Clarification comes down to the fact that you ask a person a question if something is not clear to you. Otherwise, it can also be called clarification. If you want to understand the interlocutor, you should not bypass this method of active listening, otherwise you can easily misunderstand the speaker. People tend to think out the missing details, but this prevents them from better understanding each other.
Retelling helps the narrator to hear from the side of his speech through the lips of another person. Often listeners begin this method of active listening with phrases like "In your opinion" or "If I understand you correctly." This method allows the narrator to understand how it was you who heard it, and to correct or supplement something.
The repetition of the interlocutor's phrases also helps to build good conversation. In this case, the listener, like an echo, repeats with an interrogative intonation the end of the narrator's sentences. This has an effect similar to refinement.
Pauses are also tools that can have a beneficial effect on a conversation. The storyteller sometimes needs to think and gather his thoughts. However, other active listening skills can sometimes be used as well. You can push the narrator to further development thoughts. You can tell the interlocutor what you think about this, trying to be to the point and avoid insults. Or you can talk about your impression, about what has changed in you and your perception of what is happening after this conversation, or summarize the story. However, it is important to remember that you should not interrupt the narrator.
Common Errors
Listening people, even those who are disposed towards the narrator, tend to make mistakes sometimes. It is important for you to know some things that you should not do if you want to learn active listening. A fairly common mistake is interrupting the interlocutor. This can disrupt not only the course of the conversation, but also the desire of the narrator to continue it at all. In the event that you have already interrupted the interlocutor, try to restore the course of the conversation.
Don't jump to conclusions, especially if the conversation isn't over yet. In some cases, it is even better to leave these conclusions to yourself. Don't aim to disagree with the narrator's point of view. In this case, you run the risk of getting lost in your thoughts, thinking about how best to justify your point of view, without even thinking that this can lead you to complete misunderstanding, since at these moments you will stop listening to the interlocutor, and start listening to yourself. It may happen that you, thinking about your own answer, miss the meaning of the words of the interlocutor, who actually says almost the same thing that you just thought. And try not to give advice if the interlocutor does not expect it from you.
Exercises
It may happen that you cannot achieve serious results on your own. But don't despair. Naturally, it will not work out to resort to any medical preparations that help in this matter. However, medicine can help you in other ways. A psychologist can help turn non-reflexive listening into reflective. Such classes can be carried out both singly, that is, the psychologist will talk only with you, or in groups. In groups it is usually easier to achieve best result, however, it also does not appear immediately. There are many exercises that are used for this purpose. If you want to learn how to use active empathic listening, you should try them. We will talk about some of them.
The first exercise is easily modified and supplemented. A group of people, consisting of at least two people, position themselves as comfortably as possible and close their eyes. The original example uses a walk by the sea. For presentation, you can use any theme that is the same for your group. The main thing is that you should pay attention to yourself, your body, feelings and emotions, to the surrounding objects. Then, one by one, you need to tell what you saw and felt. The narrator is given about 5 minutes, the rest should listen in silence, using only non-reflective listening so far. You need to answer for yourself at what point in someone else's story you were distracted and stopped listening. In the second exercise, one person listens, one talks about any problems. The listener must understand the narrator using certain active listening techniques (some or all).
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The literature describes different kinds listening: directed, critical, empathic, reflexive, active, reflective.
Directed, critical listening. With this type of listening, the participant in communication first carries out a critical analysis of the message (often in advance, coming with an attitude towards critical perception of information), i.e. determines how true, reliable or probable the information can be, and only after that he understands whether he agrees with it and whether he wants to perceive and respond. Critical analysis requires an assessment of the quality and correctness of the interlocutor's conclusions, i.e. statements that are based on the study of facts but are not necessarily true. A fact is a verifiable statement, and a conclusion is a conclusion that follows from them. When listening critically, the interlocutor usually:
finds out whether there are significant facts that support the formulated conclusion, whether they are relevant;
evaluates whether the connection between the evidence and the conclusion seems logical;
defines, is there another known information, which reduces the quality of the conclusions.
In practice, such listening is useful in specific situation where decisions are made, new experiences, projects are discussed, points of view are expressed (meeting, meeting or discussion). At the same time, critical listening is ineffective where new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated (lesson, lecture, report). Setting on the rejection of information does not allow listening to it, requires focusing only on what confirms the undesirability of listening. As a result, everything of value seems to fly by, interest in information falls, time is lost, and dissatisfaction remains.
Empathic Listening. Empathy (from English - sympathy, empathy, the ability to put oneself in the place of another) is the ability of a person to emotionally respond to the experiences and feelings of other people. With empathic listening, the participant in communication pays more attention to “reading” feelings, rather than words, understanding what the interlocutor has to do with what he says. There are three types of empathy: empathic response, acceptance of a different point of view, and sympathetic response.
Empathic Response takes place when a person, using included observation, experiences emotional reactions similar to the actual or expected manifestations of another's emotions.
Taking a different point of view- imagining oneself in the place of another, in his role - as if "the ability to walk in other people's shoes."
Sympathetic response- this is a feeling of care, complicity, compassion directed at another person because of his circumstances or situation. The method of sympathetic response differs from the previous two mainly in that the partner does not try to empathize with the other person. Understanding what another person is really experiencing causes grief, concern for this person, pity for him or other feelings in a person.
Rules for Empathic Listening:
1) it is important to free the soul from one's own experiences and problems, to abandon prejudices regarding the interlocutor, to tune in to the perception of his feelings;
2) in your reaction to the partner’s words, it is necessary to accurately reflect his experience, feeling, to demonstrate not only their correct perception, but understanding and acceptance;
3) reflection of the partner's feelings should be carried out without interpreting his actions and hidden motives of behavior that led to specific actions, it is not worth explaining to him your opinion about the reasons for this feeling in him;
4) you need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, think, understand each other's feelings. Do not rush to additional considerations, explanations.
In empathic listening, as a rule, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the interlocutor, do not moralize, do not criticize, do not teach.
Seeing the world from the point of view of another is a very complex skill, and it is developed in different ways in people, moreover, in some this ability is underdeveloped. Empathic skills allow you to increase the effectiveness of interaction, but they, like concentration, require additional efforts from the participant in the interaction. At the heart of such skills is respect for the interlocutor, which begins with a view of a person not only as an object, but also as a person with his own values. Respect allows you to focus your time and energy on others and not on yourself.
In communication, empathic listening can be both effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener (joy, hope for the best, self-confidence, tomorrow, pleasure, satisfaction), and ineffective if the speaker in his own words evokes negative emotions in the listener (fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, disappointment, hopelessness, a sense of impasse). By consciously observing the interlocutor and asking yourself questions, you will be able to focus on the verbal and non-verbal aspects of information through which in more expressed emotional condition person.
Non-reflective listening. This type of listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. The ability to be attentively silent, without interfering with the speaker's speech with his remarks and remarks, facilitates the process of self-expression for the listener and helps him to better understand the meaning of the transmitted information, to grasp what is behind the words. An important signal of such listening is a non-verbal reaction, i.e. eye contact, nodding or shaking the head, etc.
In communication, sometimes you have to listen to a person who is in a state of emotional affect, strong emotional arousal (for example, in a conflict). This is where non-reflective listening techniques come into play. In such a situation, the interlocutor, as it were, is not in the literal sense of the interlocutor, he is now just a person who does not control his emotions, is “obsessed” with something, is not able to capture the content of the conversation. First of all, he needs to calm down, come to a state of normal self-control, only after that communication with him can be continued.
In such cases, it is important to simply listen to the person, letting him know that he is not alone, that you understand and are ready to support. Experts believe that the emotional state of a person is like a pendulum: having reached highest point emotional intensity, a person begins to “go down”, calm down; then the strength of his feelings increases again, but, having reached the highest point, it falls again, and so on. If you do not interfere in this process, i.e. not to “swing” the pendulum additionally, then, having spoken out, the person will calm down and be able to communicate normally. At the same time, one should not be silent at all either, because deaf silence causes irritation in any person, and in an excited person this irritation will be intensified. Best of all, a reaction like: “yes-yes”, “well, of course”, “agree”, a nod of the head, etc. works best. Sometimes in such cases it is useful to "adjust" to the interlocutor, i.e. behave like him: repeat his words, emotions, reflect his gestures, facial expressions. But if it is naturally difficult to do this, then it is better not to try to adapt, since the interlocutor, noticing insincerity, will evaluate the partner’s actions as a mockery of his feelings.
Non-reflexive listening during communication allows the interlocutor who has problems (for example: stuttering, limited vocabulary, shyness, self-doubt, etc.) to concentrate and speak out. It is also effective in communicating with a person who is preoccupied with a problem, he is eager to express his point of view, attitude to something (for example, he asks you: “Listen to me to the end, and then tell me what you think about it and advise, How do I deal with this situation?" Non-reflective listening is also appropriate with those interlocutors who experience negative emotions, feel the intensity of passions and verbally “discharge”.
Listening techniques at such a moment are usually the following: positive reactions:
- assent ("so", "yes", "well", nodding the head); - "echo reaction" (repetition last word interlocutor);
- "mirror" (repetition of the last phrase of the interlocutor with a change in word order);
- "paraphrase" (transmission of the partner's statements in other words);
- motivation ("Well, and ...", "And what's next?");
- emotions (“wow”, “ah”, “great”, “laughter”, “mournful mine”); - clarifying questions (“Repeat what you said?”); negative reactions:
- continuation or interruption of the speaker (when the listener breaks into speech and tries to complete the phrase, suggests words);
- logical consequences from the partner's statements, for example, an assumption about the cause of the event, assessments, advice;
- “rude reaction” (statements like: “nonsense”, “all this is nonsense”);
- questioning (the question follows the question, without specifying the purpose);
- neglect of the partner (the listener does not pay attention to his words, ignores the partner and what he wants to say).
A negative reaction during non-reflexive listening should not be used, you should also not ask clarifying questions and say: “Calm down, don’t worry, everything will be fine” - this can cause an outburst of indignation or frustration in a partner, in this state the interlocutor cannot adequately understand these words, they resent him, it seems to him that his problem is underestimated, that he is not understood. If the partner’s emotions are directed directly at you, then the main task is not to get infected with them, not to fall into the same state of anger that can lead to a violent conflict or “showdown”.
Active reflective listening. The type of listening in which the reflection of information comes to the fore is called active reflective listening. Reflective listening involves analyzing the information received in the process of listening and instantly responding to it with the help of questions or replicas. Reflection (from Lat ge/lex!o - reflection) is the process of self-knowledge by the subject of internal mental acts and states; the process of thinking a person about what is happening in his own mind; propensity for introspection. This type of listening in communication is considered the most constructive. Here, such an organization of interaction is carried out in which partners understand each other better: they speak out more and more meaningfully, check and clarify their understanding of information, the degree of mutual understanding.
The most common techniques that characterize active listening are constant clarification of the correct understanding of the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you by asking questions like “Did I understand you correctly, what? ..”, paraphrases “So you want to say ...” or "In other words, you meant...".
The use of such simple communication techniques allows you to achieve two goals at once:
1) adequate feedback is provided, which allows to eliminate barriers, distortion of information, demonstrate empathy, sympathy, desire to help, there is confidence that the information transmitted by the interlocutor is correctly understood;
2) indirectly, the interlocutor is informed that he has an equal partner in front of him. Taking an equal partnership position means that both interlocutors must be responsible for their every word. This goal is usually achieved faster than the first, especially in those cases when you are dealing with an authoritarian, tough interlocutor who is used to communicating from a “pedestal” position. The use of active listening skills will greatly help someone who is characterized by the position of a “victim”: in this way, he not only knocks the authoritarian interlocutor from his usual position, but also raises him to the level of an equal conversation with a partner, makes it possible to focus on the essential points of the conversation, and not on his own experiences and fears.
In communication, not only words, but also gestures can have several meanings, and, accordingly, listeners can be understood differently. There are situations when the speaker, especially when excited, gets confused in words, gives too much vent to feelings that are expressed in confused gestures - all this can distort the meaning of statements so much that the speaker himself ceases to understand what he actually wanted to say.
Some people, afraid to speak out directly and openly or to be misunderstood, to seem ridiculous, stupid or strange, to face condemnation, disapproval, prefer to maneuver words, pile them up to confuse, hiding true motives their speech, and create incredible difficulties for the listener. Many prefer to talk about the information that is most important to them only when they are sure that they will be heard, tried to understand and will not be judged. This is especially true for young people who, having once opened up to someone, did not meet mutual understanding and stopped believing in adults, parents and teachers.
In order to ensure understanding, the listener must use the means to let the conveyor (the speaker) know exactly what is perceived accurately and what is distorted so that he can correct his message and make it even more understandable. It is this exchange of signals that is direct and feedback and is a process of active reflective listening.
Listening style of each person depends on many factors: gender and age, status, individual features(character, temperament, interests, etc.), from a specific situation.
It is more pleasant for each of us to communicate not with the person who knows how to speak, but with the one who knows how to listen to us. Studies show that no more than 10% of people are able to listen to the interlocutor. Learn the most important techniques for empathic listening and tact.
Each person wants to see in his interlocutor an attentive and friendly listener. Therefore, each of us is pleased to communicate not with those who can speak, but with those who can listen. Studies show that no more than 10% of people know how to listen to the interlocutor. It is no coincidence that one of the areas for improving the skills of managers in the leading countries of the world is effective listening courses.
One of the most important points in any listening there is a moment of feedback, thanks to which the interlocutor gets the feeling that he is not speaking into the void, but with a living person who listens and understands him. Moreover, in any statement there are at least two content levels: the informational level and the emotional level. In this case, feedback can also be of two types - a reflection of information and a reflection of the speaker's feelings.
Can be distinguished the following tricks hearing.
- Deaf silence (apparent lack of reaction).
- Assent.
- "Echo reaction" - repetition of the last word of the interlocutor.
- "Mirror" - repetition of the last phrase of the interlocutor with a change in word order.
- "Paraphrase" - the transfer of the content of the partner's statement in other words.
- Motivation.
- Clarifying questions.
- Suggestive questions.
- Estimates, advice.
- Continuation (when the listener breaks into speech and tries to complete the phrase, suggests words).
- Emotions.
- Irrelevant statements (not relevant or related only formally).
- Logical consequences from the partner's statements, for example, assumptions about the cause of an event.
- "Rough Reactions".
- Questioning (asks question after question without explaining the purpose).
- Neglect of the partner (does not pay attention to his words, does not listen, ignores the partner, his words).
There are usually 3 beats in listening:
- support;
- clarification;
- commenting.
During support, the main goal is to enable a person to express his position, the appropriate reactions of the listener at this stage are silence, assent, "echo", emotional "accompaniment".
In the process of clarifying the goal: to make sure that you understand the interlocutor correctly, for this they ask clarifying, leading questions, a paraphrase is made.
When commenting, the listener expresses his opinion about what he heard: gives advice, assessments, comments.
Allocate the following types listening: passive listening, active listening, empathic listening.
In active listening, reflection of information comes to the fore. The most common techniques that characterize active listening are constant clarification of the correct understanding of the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you, using clarifying questions.
Active listening techniques work only when you consider the situation, the content of the conversation, and the emotional state of the interlocutor. Active listening only makes sense if your partner is at least equal to you. It happens, however, that you have to listen to a person who is in a state of emotional affect, in a state of strong emotional arousal, and in this case, active listening techniques will not work. Your interlocutor is not literally an interlocutor, he is just a person who does not control his emotions, is not able to capture the content of the conversation. He needs only one thing - to calm down, to come into a state of normal self-control, only after that you can communicate with him on an equal footing. In such cases, the so-called passive listening works effectively.
In this case, it is important to just listen to the person, just let him know that he is not alone, that you listen to him, understand and are ready to support. Best of all, the so-called "uh-huh-reactions" work in this case.
The fact is that the emotional state of a person is like a pendulum: having reached the highest point of emotional intensity, a person begins to “go down”, calm down, then the strength of his feelings increases again, having reached the highest point, falls again, etc. If you do not interfere in this process, do not “swing” the pendulum additionally, then, having spoken out, the person will calm down and, having felt this, you can already communicate with him normally.
Each person wants to be understood, to share with him the feelings and experiences that he experiences. Therefore, the main thing is to understand the feelings of the interlocutor and empathize with him. And the secret of good listening is to give the other person relief, to open new ways for him to understand himself.
Thus, empathic listening allows you to experience the same feelings that the interlocutor experiences, reflect these feelings, understand the emotional state of the interlocutor and share it. In empathic listening, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the speaker, do not moralize, do not criticize, do not teach. Rules for Empathic Listening:
- It is necessary to tune in to listening: forget about your problems for a while, free your soul from your own experiences and try to move away from ready-made attitudes and prejudices regarding the interlocutor. Only in this case you can understand what your interlocutor feels, “see” his emotions.
- In your reaction to your partner’s words, you must accurately reflect the experience, feeling, emotion behind his statement, but do it in such a way as to demonstrate to the interlocutor that his feeling is not only correctly understood, but also accepted by you.
- You need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, to think. Remember that this time belongs to him, do not fill it with your additional considerations, explanations, clarifications. A pause is necessary for a person in order to understand his experience.
- It must be remembered that empathic listening is not an interpretation of the secret motives of his behavior hidden from the interlocutor. It is only necessary to reflect the feeling of the partner, but not to explain to him the reason for the emergence of this feeling in him.
- In cases where the partner is excited, when the conversation develops in such a way that the partner says “without closing his mouth”, and your conversation is already quite confidential, it is not at all necessary to answer with detailed phrases, it is enough just to support the partner with interjections, in short sentences, nod your head or repeat his last words.
- The method of empathic listening makes sense to apply only when a person himself wants to share some experiences.
Empathy (from English - sympathy, empathy, the ability to put oneself in the place of another) is the ability of a person to emotionally respond to the experiences and feelings of other people. With empathic listening, the participant in communication pays more attention to “reading” feelings, rather than words, understanding what the interlocutor has to do with what he says. There are three types of empathy: empathic response, acceptance of a different point of view, and sympathetic response.
Empathic response occurs when a person, using participant observation, experiences emotional reactions similar to the actual or expected manifestations of the emotions of another.
Acceptance of a different point of view - imagining oneself in the place of another, in his role - as if "the ability to walk in other people's shoes."
Sympathetic response is a feeling of caring, empathy, compassion directed towards another person because of his circumstances or situation. The method of sympathetic response differs from the previous two mainly in that the partner does not try to empathize with the other person. Understanding what another person is really experiencing causes grief, concern for this person, pity for him or other feelings in a person.
Rules for Empathic Listening:
- 1) it is important to free the soul from one's own experiences and problems, to abandon prejudices regarding the interlocutor, to tune in to the perception of his feelings;
- 2) in your reaction to the partner’s words, it is necessary to accurately reflect his experience, feeling, to demonstrate not only their correct perception, but understanding and acceptance;
- 3) reflection of the partner's feelings should be carried out without interpreting his actions and hidden motives of behavior that led to specific actions, it is not worth explaining to him your opinion about the reasons for this feeling in him;
- 4) you need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, think, understand each other's feelings. Do not rush to additional considerations, explanations.
In empathic listening, as a rule, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the interlocutor, do not moralize, do not criticize, do not teach.
Seeing the world from the point of view of another is a very complex skill, and it is developed in different ways in people, moreover, in some this ability is underdeveloped. Empathic skills allow you to increase the effectiveness of interaction, but they, like concentration, require additional efforts from the participant in the interaction. At the heart of such skills is respect for the interlocutor, which begins with a view of a person not only as an object, but also as a person with his own values. Respect allows you to focus your time and energy on others and not on yourself.
In communication, empathic listening can be both effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener (joy, hope for the best, self-confidence, in the future, pleasure, satisfaction), and ineffective if the speaker evokes negative emotions in the listener in his own words ( fear, anxiety, sadness, chagrin, disappointment, hopelessness, sense of impasse). Consciously observing the interlocutor and asking yourself questions, you will be able to focus on the verbal and non-verbal aspects of the information, through which the emotional state of a person is expressed to a greater extent.
Empathy is empathy, empathy, the ability to put oneself in the place of another, penetration into the subjective world of another person, so empathic listening is "sympathetic" listening.
In empathic listening, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the speaker, do not moralize, do not criticize, do not teach. Empathic listening requires reflection. Reflection is not just the knowledge or understanding of the subject of himself, but also finding out how others know and understand the "reflecting", his personality traits, emotional reactions and cognitive (associated with knowledge) representations.
There are rules for empathic listening:
It is necessary to tune in to listening: forget about your problems for a while, free your soul from your own experiences and try to move away from ready-made attitudes and prejudices regarding the interlocutor. Only in this case you can understand what your interlocutor feels, "see" his emotions.
In your reaction to your partner’s words, you must accurately reflect the experience, feeling, emotion behind his statement, but do it in such a way as to demonstrate to the interlocutor that his feeling is not only correctly understood, but also accepted by you.
You need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, to think. Remember that this time belongs to him, do not fill it with your additional considerations, explanations, clarifications. A pause is necessary for a person in order to understand his experience.
It must be remembered that empathic listening is not an interpretation of the secret motives of his behavior hidden from the interlocutor. It is only necessary to reflect the feeling of the partner, but not to explain to him the reason for the emergence of this feeling in him.
1. Informational
Let the other person express their point of view
assent, prompting, non-verbal support
2. Clarification
Make sure you understand it correctly
Clarification, paraphrase, reflection of feelings
3. Final
Achieve a joint solution
Assessments, continuation, summary
So what is the right way to listen? What are the conditions for effective listening? Here are some recommendations for people who want to learn how to listen to their interlocutor and who are striving to develop effective listening:
Be attentive and show the interlocutor that you are attentive.
Try to focus not only on the meaning of what the interlocutor said, but also on the true message, which is most often hidden.
Listen without interrupting, let the interlocutor talk
Take your time with assessments and conclusions, first make sure what exactly your interlocutor had in mind.
Avoid saying “I understand you” to the interlocutor, since this phrase is almost always perceived negatively, it is best to directly indicate the emotion or feeling that your interlocutor is experiencing (you will be grateful for this).
If your interlocutor shows excessive emotionality, listen only to the meaning of what was said, do not fall under the power of emotions yourself, otherwise you will regret the decision made in this state for a long time.
When answering a question, make sure that the interlocutor specifically wants to know, otherwise you may give unnecessary or unnecessary information.
If the purpose of the conversation is to make a decision, use reflective listening.
But it is important not only to listen carefully, but also to show it. There are several ways to show that you are listening to your interlocutor. Firstly, you need to turn to face the interlocutor (and not stand sideways to him, because this is a sign of disinterest and disrespect), but if you are sitting, then you can’t sit lounging (this is also a sign of disrespect), it’s better to sit straight. Secondly, your posture should be open, meaning your arms and legs should not be crossed. Thirdly, the interlocutor should be supported with a look, that is, look at the speaker, but, of course, not intently. In general, a more favorable impression is formed about a person who does not avoid looking into the eyes of his interlocutor.
Conclusion
The ability to listen and hear is the most important, if not the most important, characteristic of communicative competence. Often the very fact that a person is simply listened to attentively is the solution to many personal problems for him. Moreover, there is a huge difference between whether we hear our interlocutor or listen to him. These concepts should not be confused: if we hear the voice of the interlocutor, but do not delve into the content of his speech, then this will mean that we hear, and do not listen to the interlocutor. Listening means not only delving into the content of the interlocutor's speech, but also perceiving the true message, which may be hidden, pondering the interlocutor's words, analyzing the interlocutor's state and the reasons that pushed him to this or that statement.
The ability to listen and hear is necessary condition for effective work also because the solution of many problems is possible only with a full understanding of his problem. However, experimental studies by psychologists show that most people do not have effective listening skills and perceive the speech of the interlocutor only superficially (if they perceive it at all). And only 10% of people have the ability to listen to the interlocutor, to delve into the essence of the message and the feelings and thoughts underlying this message. It's interesting that the best abilities women tend to listen, while men are more inclined to listen to themselves and often interrupt the interlocutor, considering the conversation as an opportunity to "show themselves", as a kind of competition.
The main thing - it is necessary to show the interlocutor that he is carefully listened to and understood.
Giving feedback is serious work that requires focus, courage, respect for yourself and others.
No. 20 goals, objectives and rules of technology for finding alternative solutions
No. 21 concepts and methods of contemporary practice of counseling and therapy developed in the Western tradition.
Classical psychoanalysis of Sigmund Freud; Analytical psychology Carl Gustav Jung; Individual psychology Alfred Adler; Humanistically oriented counseling; Client-centered approach by Carl Rogers; The existential approach of Irvin Yalom and Rollo May; Logotherapy by Viktor Frankl; Gestalt therapy; behavioral-oriented counseling; Neuro Linguistic Programming
As part of classical psychoanalysis The following methods have been developed and are being used to help the client achieve high degree effective functioning:
1. Method free associations. The client relaxes, settles down on a couch or in a chair and speaks out loud all the thoughts and memories that come to his mind
2. Interpretation of resistance. The client may unconsciously resist remembering repressed conflicts and impulses.
3. Analysis of dreams. Their content, according to 3. Freud, reveals repressed desires. 3. Freud called dream analysis "the royal road to the unconscious." Sleep is a symbolic satisfaction of desires. Its content partially reflects early childhood experiences.
4. Transfer analysis. Transfer is a substitution in the process of working with a client, which is a protective mechanism.
5. Emotional relearning. At the final stages of working with a client, encouraging him to use new intellectual insights for him in Everyday life.
6. Interpretation - an explanation of the meaning of some aspects of his experience or behavior that is unclear or hidden to the client. The interpretation includes the following procedures:
1) identification (designation);
2) clarification (actual interpretation); ""
3) translation of the interpretation into the language of the client's everyday life.
defense mechanisms: denial, repression, projection, identification, rationalization, inclusion, substitution, isolation, regression, jet formation, sublimation.
№ 32 supervision in psychological counseling
Supervision in progress psychological counseling is neither training nor psychotherapy of a consultant in the full sense of these words, although it can have both effects. Its purpose is to help the psychologist-consultant / psychotherapist understand the current situation of his relationship with the client, understand and realize what prevents him from helping the client, why the counseling situation does not develop as it should, find his own mistakes and omissions in the work, check the correctness and the expediency of the techniques and techniques applied to the client. It is carried out by a qualified experienced psychologist-consultant or psychotherapist.
Supervision is carried out at the request of a specialist who is in a difficult professional situation. It is based on mutual trust and respect.
Effective supervision must be prepared and ordered, there must be a preliminary agreement on the schedule and price, that is, supervision is an organized, not a spontaneous process.
Depending on the specific situation and request, supervision may have the following goals: evaluative (for example, to evaluate the actions of a psychologist who has applied for help), teaching (can act as a form of advanced training), guiding, supporting, etc.
There are two main levels of supervision. The first level is intended for beginners in the field of psychological counseling and psychotherapy (before and after graduation). Level 2 Supervision is for more experienced practitioners and psychotherapists.
Supervision is carried out in an individual, group or collective form (sometimes several forms can be combined). Supervision can also be full-time, part-time and part-time. Face-to-face involves the presence of a supervisor in the office and his direct observation of the course of the consultative / therapeutic session conducted by the supervisee (this must be agreed with the clients). Part-time involves the presence of a supervisor nearby (behind a mirror glass), to whom the supervisee can contact by phone at any time (this possibility is also discussed with clients in advance). Extramural supervision is the most common: it involves the discussion of the sessions conducted by the supervisee at a separate, previously established meeting.
